Greetings fellow writers and readers, I am back with the next chapter and I think you all will be happy to know that this will be the last flashback. The last five chapters were based on Michonne feelings so I needed to show Ricks feelings and what's really going on between Rick and Jessie. Here's quick recap, Michonne is pregnant with Rick's baby. She moved in with Maggie and Glenn after Rick told her that having sex with her was a mistake. Michonne has been hiding her pregnancy for three months. Rick and Carl now know she's pregnant. Rick is furious and wants her to move back in with him. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and thanks for reading. BTW i am so upset with tonight episode i couldn't stop screaming -spoiler alert- who the fuck saw that kiss? lets talk, leave a review or inbox me i am beyond pissed
It's been exactly three month since Michonne moved out of the Grimes house. Rick and the children haven't laid eyes on her for the past month. He would question Maggie about Michonne whereabouts but she would come up with some weak excuses about why Michonne wasn't being seen around Alexandria. He knew he was the reason for her absence but he never thought she would punish his children for his mistake. Rick tried his best for his children but he wouldn't deny that having Michonne by his side had made his life easier. Every night for the first two months Michonne would come over to serve Carl and Judith dinner and put them to bed but now he would come home to Carol or Jessie trying their best to put a tearful Judith down to sleep. Judith missed her mother and it was shown every night. Rick desperately wanted and needed to put a stop to this madness. He needed to find his way back to her, he needed her forgiveness. He needed her for his children but most of all he needed her for himself.
It was driving him insane not having her near. He was living each day in a daze without her. Even in his foggy days he continued to work hard alongside Daryl and the others to make Alexandria stronger. He kept himself busy during the day with trivia tasks so he wouldn't think about her. There was only one flaw in his reasoning, every time he would spend time with his children memories of Michonne would come sweeping through his mind. Whenever he would come up with an idea for making Alexandria stronger, he had to fight the instinct to run over to Michonne for approval. He tried his best to remove Michonne from his mind but her memories would always come back to haunt him. With Michonne gone he leaned heavily on Daryl and Carol for support. Every decision he made had to be supported by them before he took any action. His relationship with Glenn had taken a hit since Michonne had move in with him and Maggie. Glenn has become overly protected of Michonne and it irritated Rick because it wasn't his job to look after Michonne. During the first two months it seems like every corner Michonne would turned Glenn and Maggie were a few steps behind her and now they were keeping her hidden in their home and away from him. He didn't understand this new relationship he saw developing between the three and it was making him very jealous and envious.
He didn't understand what games they were playing with him but it wasn't healthy for himself or his children. Their action was making him angrier with each day that would pass by without seeing her. He slowly started lashing out on the people who cared about him deeply. He tried his best to keep his emotions under control but every now and then it would slip out of his grasps. His entire family including Jessie knew Michonne was the reason behind the change in him. They didn't get angry at him for his outbursts but he knew they pity him and he didn't want to be pitied so he tried his best to do better by them.
Jessie and her boys moved in with the Grimes family a few weeks ago when Rick noticed that he needed an extra hand with Judith and that Jessie didn't feel safe living alone with her sons. She took care of Judith and in return Rick and Carl teach her and her boys how to defend themselves against walkers and humans. From the outside looking in people would think Jessie and Rick were romantically involved and raising a big family together but that was not the case. Rick and Jessie had an understanding and a strong friendship grew from it. Even with living in the same house and seeing each other every day their relationship never turned physical, neither one of them wanted their relationship to go into that direction.
Ron and Sam were actually relieved that their father could no longer hurt their mother. They knew the longer he stayed alive the more likely he would take their mother away from them. There were many nights where Ron debated killing his own father and he's grateful that Rick made that decision for him. Their relationship with the Grimes family and the whole group has gotten stronger and now they all had become a part of something greater.
"Rick, did you hear what I said?" Jessie asked Rick from across the table. Carol, Daryl, Sam, Ron, Carl and Judith sat around the table having dinner. All eyes were on Rick like usual. He was getting tired of being treated like a fragile vase. He was starting to feel like he was the main attraction of a freak show.
"Huh?" He hasn't been paying much attention to the conversation from the moment he took his seat. It was dinners like this where memories of Michonne feeding his children and having silly conversation with them would once again haunt him.
"We were talking about your friend Morgan. He seem to be doing really well here, he's a strong addition to this community. "Jessie said through a shy smile. "I was wondering if it would be okay with you if we invited him over for dinner tomorrow"
"Yeah you can invite him. You don't need to ask me if you want to invite people over, it's your house too" Rick told her as he took a taste of the pasta.
"I know Rick but I want you to be comfortable in your own home." Jessie reached over to grab Judith bottle before she toss it to the ground.
"Thanks, its fine. I got a feeling there's more to this dinner you not letting on" Rick threw a suspicious glance toward his family and back to Jessie.
"I guess you know me too well." Jessie smiled at Rick. "I just think we all need to relax and enjoy the company of old friends like your friend Morgan. He has been going out a lot with Daryl and Aaron to recruit new people so that hardly leaves you any time to reconnect with him and I think it would do you well." Jessie wasn't ready to tell Rick that she also wanted know more about Morgan because lately she been having strong feeling toward him and wanted to make sure her feeling were being placed towards the right person. She had to be very careful about who she brought around her children. She definitely didn't want another Pete in her life but with Morgan she could sense he was a different man, a man she needed in her life.
"I guess that's not a bad idea. Thanks Jessie" Rick told Jessie as he continued to take small bites of his food.
"Rick, tonight I would like your plate cleared" Carol told him without removing her eyes off her plate. Chuckles could be heard coming from Daryl and the boys. Rick always choose his battles wisely when it came to Carol, she wasn't a person he wanted to argue with.
"Yeah not a problem" Rick answered as he took a mouthful of pasta.
Rick woke up in the middle of night feeling anxious and covered with sweat. He automatically reached over to search for a body he knew wasn't there. He wished the woman he truly loved was still lying beside him at night instead of lying in a bed where his body never touched. He threw the cover to the side and took a deep breath trying to control the pain he felt deep inside his heart. He sat up, placing his bare feet against the hard cool floor, letting the cold ease the tension that was running through his body.
He felt like he was reliving a nightmare every time he went to bed and woke up without Michonne. Sleep was one out of his many routines that didn't come easy for him since she moved out. He bowed his head remembering the conversation that took her away from him. It was the day he made his biggest mistake, a day he would never forget. Every night he replayed the conversation they had, trying to find a way out of the hole he buried himself in. "Last night, all of it was a mistake" were the words he strung together that shattered her heart and took her away from him. He knew he pushed her away but he didn't expect the pain of not having her to be this unbearable, where it affect his every day routines. He remembered the hurt he cause her and the shame he felt for being the one that cause her such misery. He couldn't bear to watch the pain that revealed itself in those big beautiful brown eyes of hers. He knew the moment those words came out of his mouth, things would never go back to the way it used to be. He wanted to take back those cruel words but he felt it was the only way to stop her from wanting to be with him.
He lost his lover but worst of all he lost his best friend. He felt his heart breaking with each breath he took. He stood up from his bed and made his way out of his bedroom to find himself staring at a closed door, a door that lead to an unoccupied room. He slowly opened the door and stared at the neatly made bed. He felt a sharp twist in his heart as he looked inside the room that used to be hers. He quietly closed the door behind him and leaned his back against the door. It was hard for him to process all the thoughts that were running through his mind.
He took a seat across from the bed and continued to stare at the bed. For a moment he could clearly see her sitting on the bed staring back at him with an unreadable expression. "I am sorry. I didn't mean those things I said. I was losing myself and I was worried I was going to take you down with me. I said those things because I didn't want to hurt you. I wanted you to be with someone who deserved you but now I realize even if I don't deserve you I have no right to deny my feelings for you. What happen between us was real, it wasn't a mistake. I love you Michonne and I need you back. I promise if you take me back I'll make it up to you for the rest of our lives. " A tear slowly slipped down his face as he continued to stare at the empty bed.
He stood up and walked over to dresser. He opened the drawers looking for any remaining items she might have left behind. He was searching for any reason to show up at her doorsteps in the middle of the night. He had to find a way to bring her back to him. He heard footsteps approaching the door and quickly closed the drawers. He sighed as he leaned against the dresser and waited for whoever it was to make their appearance.
"Dad, are you in there?" Carl asked from behind the door.
"Yeah, come in. why you still up?"
"I couldn't sleep. I'm guessing you're having the same problem" Carl told his father as he took a seat on Michonne bed.
"Yeah, I guess like father like son" Rick smiled at Carl as he took a seat beside him.
"Dad, I miss her. I can't keep doing this. We give her enough space. It's not fair especially for Judith. She doesn't understand why Michonne isn't here so it's harder on her than it is for us. Michonne need to understand that she can't keep doing this to us. We need her back."
"You're right Carl. We need her and I know we can't continue like this. I'm going to speak with Maggie and Glenn tomorrow. Maybe if I explain everything to them, they will let us see her and if not than we will just barge our way through and take back what belongs to us." Rick told Carl as he lay back against the bed. Carl followed his father lead and slowly started to close his eyes. "Maybe we should sleep here tonight"
"I'm way ahead of you son" Rick said with a chuckle as he eyes begin to close.