Greetings fellow writers and readers,
I know most of you were probably not expecting an update from me. I'm sorry for the long wait, I lost myself for the past few months and didn't know how to get back but I think I found my mojo again. I've been gone a long time but I haven't stop reading all those amazing stories that were being updated and published for the first time. I wanted to give a big thanks to the writers who continue to write and the readers who continued to reach out to me to remind me that my stories were still on their mind. Enough from me and let's get back to why we are here. In the last chapter Rick confronted Michonne about her pregnancy. He wanted to take her back home leading to a big argument that causes her to faint.
Rick watched Michonne as she ate her lunch in silence. He didn't know what to say or how to react to her. He didn't want to argue with her anymore, he just wanted to take her home and be there for her the same way she was always there for him but he knew that option was not on the table right now. She didn't trust him or wanted him near her and he didn't blame her for that. She has the right to be angry with him especially having to spend the first three months of her pregnancy without him. He even deserved all the dirty looks she was throwing his way across the kitchen table. If it wasn't for the seriousness of his situation he would have laugh at the adorable expressions she was making at him.
All he wanted to do was pulled her into his arm and kiss all her worries away but that was also another privilege he lost because of his irrational behavior on that dreadful day he pushed her away. He always wanted the best for her and he believed at that time she wouldn't have found what she needed with him. He wished he could go back in time to do things differently. He would have explained his fears to her which included the fear of losing himself and hurting her. He saw himself turning into a monster that night he killed Pete and it scared him. It showed him that he needed to have better control of his emotions and behavior in order to protect the people he loved. Michonne was definitely one of the people he truly loved and he wishes she could see how much she meant to him.
The love he has for her could not compare to the love he had for his wife. It was two different kind of love. He had so many feelings that he couldn't describe when he was near Michonne but his feeling for Lori was easily understood. She was his high school sweetheart, his first love, his first everything and he was too young back than to understand that there was more to life than feeling comfortable. Michonne was the total opposite of Lori from her appearance to her personality and he loved that about her. Unlike Lori, Michonne was able to take him out of his comfort zone and made him stronger mentality, emotionally and physically. She was always challenging him and bringing many new things to the table. Her loyalty to him created a love in him that no one could break. She was the love of his life and he would do everything in his power to prove it to her. It took the whole world going to hell to bring her to him and he wasn't going to lose her now.
"You're feeling alright?" Rick asked ignoring his plate of food as he kept his eyes focus on Michonne.
"Rick, I'm fine, please stop asking me that." Michonne replied with a hint of annoyance in her voice. She tried her best earlier to disguise her annoyance with Rick in front of Carl and Rosita but the moment Rosita cleared her and took her leave and Glenn took Carl out on an errand she let her anger towards Rick shine. She just wanted everything to go back to the way they were before Rick showed up. She was handing this pregnancy fine with Maggie and Glenn help and she didn't want Rick making this pregnancy any more stressful than it already was.
"I'm sorry about earlier. I was being stupid and arrogant, a bad combination on my part. I shouldn't have yelled at you. My actions put you and the baby at risk and I promise I'll try harder to control my temper. " Rick said as he dragged his hand down his face in shame.
"There are a lot of things you shouldn't have done but I'm not going to waste my breath counting them off for you." Michonne replied as she shook her head in disappointment.
"I know Chonne but I want you to know that I'm really sorry about everything. I want for us to go back to being a united family that lives under one roof. I know we could be happy together. Could you just give me a chance to explain everything? " Rick pleaded.
"No Rick, everything doesn't just happen when you want it to. This is not the Rick Grimes show. I need more time and right now I just want to be left alone" Michonne answered as she avoided Rick gaze. She wanted nothing more than to be with Rick and their children under one roof again but she didn't want to feel that vulnerable again. She was never going to let herself become that weak again. She let herself once again be blinded by love, her first love failed to protect her son and the second love of her life almost broke her spirit and took away part of her she thought she lost a long time ago with Andre's death. It was hard to admit but with Rick it was a different love. She never felt complete as she did until the day she walked into his life holding that formula in front of the prison. There was always something pulling her towards him even when she didn't trust him at the beginning. She never understood why but she always found herself beside Rick in every decision they made. She never believed in soul mates but she felt complete when she was near him. He understood her needs and wants without even talking to her and vice versa and that's why even with all the pain he caused her she still wanted him and it sicken her. She didn't want to be a type of woman that depended on a man's love but those past three months away from him made her more miserable. She felt like she couldn't breathe properly without him. Her life rotated around his like the earth rotated around sun but she wasn't sure if it was her gravity pulling him towards her or his pulling her. She needed him but she wasn't going to stop fighting those urges to do what's best for her and her unborn child.
"I can't leave you alone Michonne, I tried for the past three months and it almost broke me. I can try to give you space but one thing I can't continue doing is to leave you alone. Please tell me you understand." Rick pleaded not realizing their moment of privacy was interrupted by his son.
"You want us to leave you alone?" Carl asked with bewilderment. He had entered the kitchen a few moments earlier to tell Michonne that he had returned. He had went back home with Glenn to pick up a few things for Judith to spend the night with Michonne. They didn't notice him standing by the kitchen door. He was trying to understand why the woman he loved as a mother and a best friend would want to be apart from them any longer than she already had. He started to feel a heavy ache in his heart not understanding where he stood in Michonne eyes. He knew she loved him but hearing her said she wanted them to leave her alone confused him even more than when she first moved out of their home. He understood that she needed space from his father but he never thought she would need space away from him or his sister. Not being able to see her for the last few weeks had really hurt him. It was a terrible withdrawal and a beautiful insight that showed him how much his family especially him depended on Michonne guidance and strength.
Michonne quickly stood up from her chair in shock not realizing that Carl had entered the kitchen without her knowing. She was always able to tell in advance when someone was approaching her. Her senses were not as strong as they used to be before her pregnancy. She took a step towards Carl and shook her head in denial. "No that's not what I meant Carl. I would never want you to leave me alone. I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately. I let my fear stop me from being there for you and Judith and I'm really sorry. I had my insecurities about my role in your lives and I thought you two would be okay without me for a while but I realize I was wrong. I am your mother and no matter what happen between me and you father, that role you had chosen to give me will never change. Our situation is a little different now but it doesn't change the fact that I will always see you two as my very own children.
"You are my mother Michonne. I knew it from the moment I saw you standing out in front of the prison yard. I knew with all my heart that my mother guided you to us because she knew we needed you and you needed us. I just want you to remember that I'm here for you too and I'll be a great helper when my new little sister or brother arrives."
"Thank you carl, I know I can always count on you" She said as she pulled him into a tight hug placed a kiss on top of his forehead.
"Is it okay if I leave and come back later? Daryl is waiting for me over at his place to help me with target practice." Carl said as he glances in his father's direction.
"Sure Carl, just remember to tell Carol that Judith will be with Michonne for the rest of the day."
"Okay Dad, Can I tell them about the baby?" Carl asked looking directly at Michonne for an answer.
"I think its best if we wait a little longer before we tell anyone." Michonne replied with hesitation. She wasn't sure how everyone would react to her news. Maggie, Glenn and Rosita took the news well but she knew they were upset about how Rick treated her and she didn't want to cause anymore tension in the group.
"Why do we need to wait?" Rick asked.
"I don't think it's the right time."
"What do you mean by the right time? You already at the three months mark. Are you ashamed that the baby is mine? Is that why you wouldn't want everybody that we care about to know?"
"No Rick, that's not why. I admit I was a little embarrassed about my situation and everything that happen between us but I am happy about having this baby Rick. I'm just a little nervous about how everyone will take the news plus I am not ready for everyone to start treating me differently. It was really hard having Maggie, Glenn and Rosita knowing about the pregnancy and having to admit that I needed their help more than ever. I know no matter what our family will step up but it still makes me nervous. I don't want to disappoint anyone. I am one of our strongest fighters but now this pregnancy takes me out of the league. They can't depend on me the way they use too" She replied as she took a seat beside Rick.
"Michonne, being a fighter is not your only skill. It's not the reason why people in our group rely on you. You are so much more than your katana. You help guide us with only a few words. You made us find this place. If it wasn't for you we don't know where we would be." Rick told her as he reached beside him and took a hold of Michonne hand.
"Dads right Michonne. You are more to us than a fighter and I think you already know that. You probably more worried that Daryl might kicks my dad's butt when he finds out." Carl said with a chuckle trying to lighten up the mood causing his father and Michonne to chuckle along.
"Yeah we don't want that happening so maybe we can wait a while before telling them." Rick looked over at Michonne with a small smile reassuring her that he would try to go by her pace.
"I would really appreciate that. I just need more time to figure some things out. In a few days we can tell the rest of our family over dinner and from there we can talk more about what's going to happen next." Michonne said as she smiled at Carl trying to hold back tears as she realize how blessed Andre would have been if he had the Grimes men looking after him.