I splatter my blood on the wards and hope it's for the last time.
I can't believe we survived the night. I've no idea what tricks of magic Godfather and Luna have composed, but I've never felt relief like this before.
That was too close. Much too close to a slaughter of everyone I care about to ignore.
I have to get out of here.
And I may just have a realistic opportunity to do so.
But first…
I lift Luna to spin her in circles. She laughs wholeheartedly, her white teeth shining in the moonlight. I set her gently on her feet to press her against me once more, holding her tightly enough to absorb into me completely.
She returns the sentiment, cradling my back in her arms as she buries her face in my robes.
Merlin damn these robes. I don't want to see them ever again. I vanish them to the wardrobe, leaving me in my shirt and trousers. I breathe in citrus and bluebells and the smell of sunshine as I run my hands over her silken curls.
"We did it, Luna. We lived." I sigh into her hair
I feel her breath hitch as warm tears leak onto my chest.
xoXOXox
Back in Draco's room, as he sets me on my feet, the feelings hit me in one shot.
I've been Imperiused. Whether to sell my services to a tyrant or to spare my life, I can't be certain. I refuse to believe they are one in the same circumstance, although objectively they might be.
My dad is at home, without me, ready to sell his soul to dementors if it means bringing me back safe.
Harry is missing. Hermione is missing. Ginny is locked in a madhouse of a school with who knows what danger surrounding her. Everyone I love is in similar perilous circumstances.
Professor Snape lied through my mind for me. Draco protects me. Narcissa provides for me. My supposed enemies are all risking their lives to ensure my safety.
Guilt and responsibility enclose me like a coat that's four sizes too big.
We still have a whole war to win, and yet, I just want to go home.
xoXOXox
"It's okay," I tell her, believing my own falsehoods for a moment "We survived. We're going to live, okay? We're going to live."
She wipes her nose on my shirt, finding another dry place to soak through with her silent tears.
"This," she chokes out, her voice strangled with emotion "is not living… Draco. This is torture."
This witch is the most brilliant of the outcasts to be certain. Her unrepentant brand of truth is not helpful to my plight in the slightest.
"Shh…" I coax like the piss-poor comforter that I am.
She grabs two fistfuls of my clothing, muffling her voice into it. She's trying to disappear.
I take her knees over my forearm to lift her, carrying her studiously to my bed. It's leagues more comfortable than the one mother has set her up with so perhaps she can relax into it. She melts into the dark blue silk, finding her place in a deep night sky. I remain standing and draw the curtain for her as I vanish the awfully clanging footwear and needlessly flowing gown to replace it with an old quidditch jersey and knee-high socks. Reminders of the freedom a broom can provide bring me solace; perhaps it will do the same for her.
Once she is decent, I part the canopy once more to sit beside her. She lays her head in my lap, looking into my eyes as my heart shatters into dust.
"Do you own me now?" she asks.
"Never." I instantly reply
xoXOXox
"What was all of that?" I ask, more to myself than to Draco. I'm not expecting an answer, so I continue babbling to clear my mind.
"Your grandfather, your Godfather, why?" So much for clarity. I try again -
"Why do they think I belong here? Why do you think you can trade me for compliance? Do they think they going to keep me alive to play with me for sport?"
I'm crying again now. This isn't like me. I don't cry. I think. I solve. I save.
He starts to speak, and I smother his mouth in my hand. Shut up, Draco. I'm not finished.
"Why did you kiss me? Why did you lie to your mother? Why do you ask for your freedom only to keep me in chains?!"
The confusion turns to anger, spewing loud, violent words from my mouth. I have to be careful not to cut him with my sharp tongue in this state.
I jerk my hand back from his mouth, sitting up to look him in the eyes. I may be held hostage, but he won't tower over me. I'm not his doll to play dress-up with or carry around to do as he pleases.
xoXOXox
"Luna, let me explain, please," I beg, dropping to my knees alongside my bed to look up at her.
I place my hands on her thighs between the jersey and the socks, running circles with my palms as I prepare to plunge into insanity.
"I only wanted to ensure you aren't executed if your father doesn't comply. I'm owed a penance for…" I choose my words carefully. "... a mission I completed. I planned to ask for your life as my reward, and it would be a more persuasive plea to the powers that be if we seemed cosy together. Godfather subverted my plans without my collaboration."
She softens at this, her ire seeming to retreat a tad as she continues listening.
"Luna," I implore, gathering what remains of my gentility to push into my voice and expression "I'm an Occlumens. I would never consent to have you Imperiused. I wouldn't wish that curse on anyone. I can't imagine what it feels like to be invaded in your last remaining stronghold."
Torture in the highest degree, to have your body trampled upon to use as fuel for the whims of another. I would never… not for my worst enemy, and certainly not for her.
'Believe me. Please believe me.' I plead with my eyes
She grips my hair at this, forcing my throat bare before her.
"Your mother?" she questions "I can't imagine why you would need to pretend in front of her. Friends don't lie to each other, Draco." she intones with a sneer worthy of any Malfoy
I swallow, and the truth pains me as it grates against my airways.
"Instinct" I cough out. "I lie to protect her."
"How does telling her I already vowed not to harm you protect her, or you for that matter?" she asks incredulously
'I lie to protect those I love.' shimmers in my mind.
"It doesn't." I say, truthfully "It protects you. Can you imagine if she forced you to take some kind of vow not to harm me, only to have the Dark Lord order you to torture me? You would be murdered on the spot, Luna." I swallow again as her grip on my hair intensifies. "Besides, it wasn't completely a lie. You did vow not to harm me, for a night."
"I could harm you right now," she says, the point of the wand I'd left on the pillow suddenly thrust heartily into my throat. "I could harm you and run. I could lock you in your own dungeons and leave you here to suffer."
She lays the wand atop my hand on her leg, pulling me upright to stand before her.
"But I won't," she says "because friends don't see friends' freedom as a game."
xoXOXox
I'm awful with Slytherin strategy. All the masterminding and little secrecies in their wording leave me in tatters. Instead, I'll play to my strength, which is telling the truth and making the impossible happen.
"I plan to be free, Draco. If you're serious, you can come with me. If not, keep playing games with your own life, not mine." I tell him, staring into ice-grey eyes I know would have been frozen shut if I decided not to care so much.
I'm still reeling from the blow, from the confusion and hurt of it all. I desperately wish for my stuffed creatures and a cup of hot cocoa to make the world stop spinning for a moment.
He slips his hand into mine, tangling our fingers as he touches my face like the award he thinks me to be.
"I'll go," he says, and the blue creeping up his aura tells me he means it this time. "I want this, Luna. I want you."
Determination is such a flighty thing. I want to ensure his motivations are where they should be if he is going to throw in all his galleons to escape with me.
"You can't want me, Draco." I tell him "You have to want this for yourself. I'm not a thing to be had, and I could die tomorrow."
He silences me with his mouth, and I don't fight him this time. I bite down on the lips that are filled with blood because I want him to feel. I taste the sweetness of all the lies that coat his slick tongue.
"Please don't say things like that." he whispers into my mouth.
He lays back onto his pillow, handing me the wand I recently returned to him.
"Kill me, and run." he says, "Or take me with you, but please don't die without me."
xoXOXox
The dreamy smile is back on her face as she presides over my life with my wand in her hand.
"That's a bit dramatic, don't you think, Draco?" she asks.
No, no it isn't.
You can't tell me over tea, "The sky might come collapsing down to smother you beneath it." and expect me not to react accordingly.
She reaches a hand to me. A gentlemanly handshake amid my woes.
"If we go, we go together. Deal?" she asks flippantly.
I hesitate for a moment. This is it. This is the moment that will seal my fate in stone, burn the ladders I've worked so hard to climb.
I can't imagine a world where Voldemort is my master for eternity. I can't fathom the fear and uncertainty sitting on my heart until I die from the weight of not knowing. I heave internally at the thought of Dementors being my only companions if the Dark Lord is vanquished.
"Deal," I say, taking her hand in mine. "On my magic."
"On my magic" she repeats, and our hands glow blue amidst the darkness.
"We need a plan." she tells me, instantly reforming into an eagle in the serpents' cage
"I think I've fucked up enough plans for one evening, wouldn't you say so, lovely?"
The truth flows out easier and easier the more I practise.
"It was a nice plan, Professor Snape just interrupted it." She muses. "I think I rather like being a reward. Most people consider me to be a nuisance."
I can't help but smile at the thought.
"Most people are idiots." I say
"Not exactly." she replies "Most people are just ignorant, like your father."
Usually, such a blunt assessment of my family's failings would have me enraged. Not so much after what has transpired tonight.
"Tell me about it." I snort. "The man can't distinguish his arse from a hole in the ground lately."
Is this even my voice speaking? Has my occluding room finally overflowed its boundaries to escape into reality?
"Have you ever found it interesting how paradoxical he is, your father?" she continues
"What do you mean by that?" I ask. No use in pretending to understand.
"I mean, he's so strikingly handsome, but his temperament is so vile and he does such terrible things." A look of genuine confusion crosses her face, shaking itself down into her smile "All he claims to care about is the Malfoy name, but he doesn't seem to make decisions that are good for you and your mum."
"Ignorance" I reply. I think the one word sums up Father's strategy neatly.
"Speaking of ignorance," she says " how much longer do you suppose we'll need to keep up this cosy act we're playing at?"
"Depends on how quickly we come up with a plan to get out of here."
"Well then, I suppose you'll need to teach me how to kiss you, because I have no idea what I'm doing."
I choke on my saliva.
xoXOXox