I help him sit up and pat his back as he chokes on nothing. I find it slightly disappointing that he's so easily surprised.
"What… why would you say that?" he stammers, catching his breath.
"Well if we are going to go about pretending to be lovestruck and such, we should at least try to look the part." I explain "Also, if you are going to insist on kissing me at regular intervals, it should at least not be unpleasant for you."
He stares blankly at me. His brain is breaking again.
Bother.
xoXOXox
"It's not… you're not, unpleasant."
Eloquent, Malfoy. Sheer poetry.
"I wouldn't know." she replies
Salazar. What have I gotten myself into?
"Did you not… did you not feel anything? I mean…"
Fuck, Malfoy, think!
I start again -
"I mean, the first time, I know I was blasted out of my head from the potions - I truly made an idiot of myself - but just now, you didn't feel anything?"
A puzzling look crosses her features; she's confused. My articulation is probably not helping matters.
"What was I supposed to feel?" she asks, and I think she means it in a way I don't have a grasp of.
If I ever have the opportunity to meet my Fates, if they even exist, each one will have a Crucio with their name on it. I'm hexing them until my wand arm collapses for this moment alone.
My conscience interrupts, sounding so much like Godfather's voice it's unsettling.
'You just made a vow to escape with her, Malfoy! Fix this! Speak the truth!' it demands
"Luna, I…" I begin, not certain which voice to listen to
This is my last chance to lie. My last chance to salvage some dignity out of this flaming mess I've made. Gods, I don't have the energy. I face the cold water, flinching as the words pour out of me.
"I care for you." I rush out in one breath.
There. It's been said. May as well dig my grave deep and tidy, so I go on -
"This, what just happened, I wasn't pretending, Luna. There's no one here to put on a show for."
"Weren't you trying to get me to stop talking?" she asks with a sincerity that grates on my nerves
Why does this girl take every move I make and strip away the nuance to assault me with factual statements? I'm going to lose my final sensibilities trying to have a forthright conversation with her!
"You said you might die tomorrow!" I raise my voice and regret it immediately. I don't wish to scare her or for her to realise the reactions she causes. I lower my volume expeditiously.
"Do you know how it feels, to hear someone you care for say they may leave you so soon?"
"I do." she states, flatly.
xoXOXox
When Harry said he was going away and didn't know when he would return my heart was shredded into the tiniest bits. Not that I showed it.
"I'll be waiting." I told him, placing a string of charms around his neck "Keeps the nargles away."
"Thanks." he said smiling the same boyish grin that told me everything would be alright.
It wasn't. It isn't.
Harry's been gone for months. He may be gone forever. I hope against all reason he will return victorious, but hope is like a candle in the wind: it flickers on and off as the night grows longer.
Now I'm gone, too.
Harry was kind; a brave-hearted boy with dreams that everyone could be treated well. Perhaps somewhere, he still is. I never thought he could love me that way. I guessed he was only nice to me because I was the lonesome sort, always shoved off by people who didn't care to think past the bridge of their nose.
I never kissed him. I never told him how much he meant to me. Maybe I never will.
xoXOXox
"You understand, then?" I ask her, biting my nails into the bedsheets to stay my hands from trembling
"I think so," she begins "but that wasn't the point, was it?"
"What was your point, then?" I ask, and if I didn't know my eyes were incapable of tears, I would say they sting a bit
"You were going to teach me how to kiss you."
This is the exact moment my heart rips in two.
xoXOXox
"Was I?" he says, going off on another babble "Look, Luna, you don't have to do this. We don't have to keep up the facade. You're part of the Dark Lord's ranks now, and you don't need me to vouch for you. I'll still escort you and ensure your safety. We can sleep in different beds. You don't have to if you don't mean it. Godfather has his plan sorted out and if you will just…"
I interrupt him -
"Who said I didn't mean something? What don't I mean, Draco?"
He doesn't answer me and instead does the bizarre thing where he laughs into his shirt. I wonder if Hermione would know a thing or two about Muggle mind medicine to help him with this.
After he finishes his laughing fit, he sighs into the air. Perhaps he's wishing on a star, or praying to Merlin, or whatever it is Malfoys do to comfort themselves.
He takes my face in his hands, shaking me ever so slightly.
"What is going on in that intricate mind of yours, lovely?" he asks, and for once, I don't know how to answer.
"Probably a hoard of pixies trying to put things together and make them work." is what I say, because it's the most natural description of my mind.
xoXOXox
I stare at her for a while taking in every feature while I wonder if this is the last time I'll be close enough to touch her this way.
Friends can't make friends love them, I suppose.
"Do you want this, Luna? Do you want me?" I ask in her language of blatency
I'm half expecting her to ask me to clarify the meaning of "want" or what "this" is exactly. I hope she doesn't. Those concepts couldn't be explained with a diagram and full presentation. I'm not even sure what I mean at this point. All I know is I want her to remain, preferably with me.
I envision her dissolving into mist along with every hope I hold onto.
"So much." is what she actually says.
She grasps my shaking hand and crawls into my lap. I lean my forehead against hers and let my eyes fall shut. Her hands slide up my arms to rest in my hair as she softly says to me -
"I want you to live, Draco. I want you to be free, Draco. And I'd like to kiss you now if that's alright."
Gingerly, she tilts my chin up to face her. She touches me as if I'm made of glass and the slightest pressure will send me blasting into shards.
Perhaps it will.
I allow myself to be surrounded in her eyes, losing every mournful memory and expectation for my future deep within them.
"Do it." I command
xoXOXox
This is going to be an interesting experiment.
I've never initiated a kiss before, but it doesn't seem to be difficult. I'll start with what Draco does, and we'll see how it ends up from there.
I pull his lower lip into my mouth, suckling a bit before I run my tongue along the edge. My lips aren't as full as his are, so I close them both to place on his one.
There, that wasn't so hard.
I tilt my head, laying my hand on his neck to pull him closer to me. I close my lips over his; close, open, close. He parts for me, and I let my tongue slide alongside his. In, out, in; they dance together as he wraps his arms tightly around my waist. I run my thumb along his jaw, feeling sharp pricks of stubble from his last shave. It's so rough and jagged, I crave to feel the softness of his hair again, so I do. I drag my teeth along his lower lip and place another kiss there. His heart is pounding into my chest. Mine will slow his down.
This is fun. Let's try something new.
I push my weight forward to place him on his back. He obliges. Good.
I lean down to take the skin of his neck in my mouth, pulling the slightest bit as I let my tongue roll back and forth. He tastes amazing. The clean spice I smell in my dreams is wrapped in my senses. This is what taking a bite of a crisp autumn day must feel like.
With a tinge of regret, I release his fluffy blonde softness as I move a little lower, testing different pressures against his throbbing pulse with the tip of my tongue. He seems to like that, as he makes the same sounds he did when eating his apple the other night, running his hands under the jersey smooth up my back. I take the liberty to unbutton his collar a few notches, suckling on the muscles of his chest until his skin turns hot and red. I want to return to his hair, and I'd like to check my progress, so I remove my attention for a moment to look in his eyes.
"Not unpleasant?" I ask
"Not at all" he responds
xoXOXox
I will never understand this witch. I may as well resolve myself to it now and remove the idea far from my mind. How she would dare underestimate herself to the point she thinks I need to teach her anything is beyond my comprehension. Then again, I suppose most of the blood has departed from my mind at the moment.
She takes her time with me, learning every movement to set me on fire. She pulls me apart not all at once, but thread by thread. My hands span across her entire back, granting me the softest touch I've felt in my life. I'm touched by the sky, wrapped in a cloud.
She looks into my eyes, and the remains of my battlements crumble into sand.
She has to be mine.
I sit the two of us upright, grasping her waist as to not send her careening into the silk sheets. Carefully, I lean her back, back until her hair cascades across my pillows like a burst of golden sun.
Glorious.
"Is this ok?" I ask, because, given our previous encounters, one can never be too certain of her interpretation.
She nods her head and pulls me back into her arms by my hair, so I shall deem her answer to be sufficient.
I take her mouth roughly, plunging deep into it to fill her fully. I want to feel every caress of her, to memorize her taste, her smell, the way her petite frame fits perfectly against me. I take a fistful of her hair as I graze my teeth along her lip, feeling it swell with blood between mine.
She better fucking mean this.
As I bite along her neck, she whines softly. The sound alone is enough to cause my heart to explode from its confines, but I persist. I nip at her ears, run my tongue across the edges, pull them into my mouth. I claim every space of exposed skin for myself. My fingers slide over her collarbone, tracing all the delicate lines that were drawn specifically for me.
If we make it out of here alive, if we ever part ways, she'll remember me in every lighted nerve.
I slide my hand up her delicate arm, placing most of my weight on her chest as our fingers intertwine. One last indulgence, an open-mouthed kiss on the inside of her wrist to remind her who caters to her wishes. She moans contentedly, letting me know I've done my part to grant them.
The sound vibrates into me as her warm breath floods my neck, causing me enormous difficulty to pry the words I know I need to say from my chest.
Steadfast as ever, I piece together every shred of will I possess to tell her, placing one last chaste kiss to her lips.
"Let's stop here tonight, lovely."
xoXOXox
That wasn't bad at all for my first kissing lesson. Quite enjoyable, really.
Once we stop, I tuck my legs in his Quidditch socks underneath his knees and around his thighs. He's pleasantly warm now, like sitting in front of a fire on a cool evening. He's definitely not a stuffed creature and hot cocoa, but he does the trick to keep me comfortable for the moment, perhaps like hot tea and a bony sort of pillow. I've grown attached to his hair, which has the light softness of a new baby kneazle. I could get used to snuggling with him.
We hold each other for what seems like hours, Draco laying on my chest while he toys with my curls. I suppose they're amusing to him since he doesn't have any of his own to play with. I don't mind. This gives me time to think about all of this new information.
Draco calls me "lovely". I suppose people in our circumstances generally say sweet things like that to each other. I am his lovely, and he is my Draco. It has a nice sound to it.
Although I can't really consider him "my" Draco. He's his own Draco, as I am my own Luna. It would be a bit strange to say I'm my lovely, although I suppose I could.
He told me he cares for me. That seemed rather difficult for him to say, although it's quite obvious. I care for him too. People who don't care about each other don't generally go around making vows to each other and saving one another from death, now do they?
His breaths grow steady and long, so I shake him to consciousness.
"Don't fall asleep, Draco. The wards will catch fire."
xoXOXox
"What did you say?"
"I said the wards will catch fire if you fall asleep."
"Luna..."
"Yes, I know, but it's not the time for that yet. We need burn cream, and possibly a protective ward if your mother will help us."
"Polyjuice?"
"Possibly."
"And a broom?"
"Definitely. Which reminds me, do you think I could try casting with your wand?"
"It's tracked."
"I figured. We'll burn it too."
Bloody fucking Salazar's gods-damned basilisk this is happening.
xoXOXox
A/N: All hail my wonderful Clawbear, who continually cheers on my madness.
She has a new fic coming soon you won't want to miss, so make sure you are following SlytherClaw Black and Priestesses of H.I.S.S.
Many thanks to my Coven - Dash, Claw, Nyxx, Snow, Diva, Jinx and High Preistess Moon - I couldn't cast a Patronus without y'all.
Stay tuned for more!
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