Steve sat in the still silence of the common room lounging at one end of the long dining table. Leaning back in his chair lazily, he watched the sunset over the New York skyline. His right hand nurturing a bottle of rum.
It's been 48 minutes since Dr Cho ordered nurses to come to wheel Natasha to the X-ray room to get a CAT scan.
34 minutes since she explained Natasha's condition.
34 minutes since she told him that hydra took away her memories.
That Nat doesn't know who she is. Or who he is.
Overwhelming guilt hit him like a brick. Steve couldn't help feeling this was his fault. He was the team leader of the avengers. He failed her. He could've been better. If he was, maybe none of this would've happened.
The memory of Natasha's cold eyes staring at him as the nurses began rolling her away kept replaying over and over, the moment etched in his mind.
The emotionless orbs of emerald that once held so much hope looked foreign.
It was all still fresh. Like a burn. And it stung.
He remembered Natasha's voice did not waver when she asked the question, the determination never wavered. The question that brought his whole world crumbling down upon him.
'Who is Natasha Romanoff?'
He'd felt so much in mere moments.
He was confused, scared, but had hope.
A small stupid part of him unwilling to give up on her. A tiny kernel of hope shining through the jumble of his thoughts. He let it guide him.
Steve's gaze did not wander from the skyline when he heard someone exit the elevator onto the floor.
It's probably Tony come to piss him off he thought.
"Look, Stark, I'm not in the-"
"I can leave."
Not Tony. Natasha.
Steve got out his chair and turned to face the woman at the opposite end of the table.
His rum long since forgotten.
"I can leave" she repeated.
"I was told about you and came to.." her voice trailed off and she peered behind Steve to the large window he'd previously been starring out.
The sun was setting igniting her skin. She looked as if she was glowing. An angel.
Natasha was still looking past him. As if she was the only person here.
In short quick steps, she'd passed Steve and the table and had gone to stand directly in front of the glow. He slowly turned to where she stood but made no move to stand next to her.
"I remember this, not this place, but the colours. Pink, orange, yellow." At that moment she decided to turn to him. A bitter laugh escaped her and his gaze sought out those eyes.
"How is it that I remember colours of sunsets but I don't even know who I am?"
Steve couldn't tell if she wanted him to answer the question. He wasn't sure if it even was a question.
"That lady, Helen, she told me there's a chance that I might remember, not informed by agents that barely know who I was, but remember. It would take time but she said memory's can be triggered, it might happen in bursts or all at once, but I have a chance."
Silence. The room was quiet. Not from awkwardness but grief. Grief over what happened. Something she didn't deserve. Steve realised she was waiting for him to speak.
"Me. You want me to help you?"
She walked over to him, standing now only mere inches away. A curt nod was her only answer.
"B-but, what about Clint? Isn't he better to ask?" his words were unsure, why ask him?
Natasha looked up and starred unfazed into his sea-blue eyes.
"When these agents came to my room and informed me about, well, myself I was told about every person on the avengers. On my team. I tried so hard to feel anything. Anything at all. A spark to know that I had cared. But I didn't. I didn't feel anything. Not towards them. Only you."
"I don't understand."
Because he didn't. What was so special about him?
She inhaled slowly.
"When I woke up, I was unsure of everything, nothing was right, but I remember seeing you and.. it was like seeing something you thought you'd never see again. I felt as though nothing else in that room had to make sense because you were there. And I didn't even know who you were. But, I felt something. Like I was coming out of a dream and nothing was real but then I saw you and I felt grounded, I felt.. safe. I felt home. I didn't feel that when I was told about Clint or any of the others. I think that if anyone can help me it's you."
Steve was at a loss for words.
What if he hurt her again, just made things worse and caused her more pain?
Natasha, seemingly knowing what he was thinking put a hand on his shoulder pulling him out from his thoughts and he once again saw those entrancing eyes.
Those beautiful emeralds that could rival any diamond.
That kernel of hope gleamed brighter.
He knew when he looked at her he'd decided.
He'd help her to remember in whatever way.
Steve wouldn't leave her in the dark, he knew Nat was in there.
Somewhere.