A/N: In a basket next to the review box, you will find an assortment of items to throw at me. We have fans, shoes, tomatoes, cursed daggers, etc.
Enjoy.
Vine
I'm anxious to find out what the plans for our initial settlement will be. We have an idea of the broad perspective, but she has uncharacteristically decided to keep the first step to herself, sharing only the barest details to ensure my cooperation.
'Friends trust each other. Play along.' she had said, and I had the feeling - then and now - it would be an unpleasant surprise.
"I don't know exactly where we're going, but I have an idea of who we will be with," she says
I release my hold on her as uncertainty slithers its tendrils into my mind. This is not how I envisioned awakening.
"Only an idea?" I ask
"Yes." she answers "I know we will be with each other, at minimum, but we may have some company."
As I opened my mouth to question further, she places her finger over my lips. Another habit of hers I'll have to break. I hope she knows she is the only person I'll ever allow to silence me again.
"Draco, because I love you, we are going to make this decision together. Please understand if I didn't, I wouldn't ask your opinion. I waited to tell you because I have a feeling that you aren't going to enjoy this much, and your temper gets in the way when you find things unpleasant."
I stare ahead blankly while fighting to catch up with the questions.
How?
Could she have orchestrated this exact moment? Have I underestimated her all along? Why would she manipulate me after the trials we've survived? How can she so flippantly say something that's been eating holes in me since the very beginning? Why does she insist on toying with me like this? Does she love me?
She speaks -
"Did your mind stop working again, kitten?"
xoXOXox
"I… I love you too." he stutters, unhelpfully
Apparently, that's all he could work out of what I gave him.
"I know you do, Draco."
He looks confused. I sigh into the wind, taking time to remind myself not everyone finds obvious facts to be obvious, although I had sorely hoped Draco would by now.
It seems I'll have to untangle the mess of his mind for him again. This tires me sometimes, and yet, I recount the plans we've made together for him to rearrange for himself...again.
"If we run from the country, the foreign Ministry will eventually find us and send us back, which will only cause a world of problems for us. I don't want to hide for my whole life, Draco, and I know you don't either. If we stay in the Muggle world, we won't be able to use our magic until the war ends, and that may be a long time from now. My father's house is probably surrounded by Snatchers, and your family's properties are too risky with your father keyed into the wards."
He seems to be remembering as he nods along in understanding. Good.
"The world thinks we're dead, Draco. We need to be somewhere no one can find us, especially You-Know-Who. I only know two people he hasn't been able to locate… don't you?"
He nods silently. The candles are lighting in his eyes now. I continue -
"I know how you feel about them, Draco but if they're still alive I think they could teach us where to find others and how to stay hidden, which could help us a lot."
His spirits are falling. I see them sinking into his depths to fade into the despair he tries so much to hide. I grasp his hands before we continue this discussion -
"We can stick to the original if you'd like. We'll find a secluded spot and sleep rough for a while. We'll figure out a way to ask your Aunt Andi for help eventually, and if that doesn't work, we'll invent something else."
I try to encourage him, reminding him that there are other ways out. I know how difficult it can be - walking past so many closed doors for so long. I can only imagine how it feels for him to think with only his heart, especially while it's hurting.
"You have to decide for yourself if you need to say no, Draco." I tell him, moving close "I'll be with you wherever the wind carries us."
That must have been too much for him. He's starting to cry.
xoXOXox
Her unfettered honesty makes me love and hate her in one breath. I have never desired to feel so much, but my desecrated occluding room has long since been unable to hold back the tide. She lets me loose from one hell only to drag me into the lair of my enemies, and I allow her to. I don't know who I am anymore.
"If we go, we go together," I tell her in a choked voice.
She smiles, wiping the tears away to take me into her arms.
We take our sleep this way, tangled in one another. After we've had our fill of rest, she awakens with the maddening smile that tells me I will undoubtedly come uncomfortably close to perishing today.
"Are you ready to fly, kitten?"
I don't even attempt to stall the groan that escapes me. No, I am not ready to fly. Once my feet touch the earth I never want to see another bloody magic carpet as long as I live.
"Make it quick," I tell her
"Oh, it will be!" she says through the same infuriating laugh, raising her wand in the air.
"Expecto Patronum!"
As the silver hare shoots forth from her wand, I wonder what memory she used to cast so quickly. The hare sits before us, awaiting instructions. I cast the needed charms and grip the hem of the carpet in preparation.
"Tell Harry we're coming," she says
xoXOXox
My patronus takes off with us on its tail. Patronuses don't bring messages to the dead. That means Harry is alive.
We whip through the wind, my face stinging and eyes burning as my body is compressed beyond belief. I'd love to see Draco's face at the moment. He doesn't seem to appreciate the thrill of the ride as much as I do, and that's ok. Still, his expression must be an amusing one. It's a shame I can't catch a glimpse of it as both of us are required to steer.
We keep our eyes on the rabbit as it bounds through the clouds, which is quite a bit more challenging than expected. Luckily, Draco seems to move right in time before it twists and turns, and I'm only seconds behind as I copy his form. Who would have thought playing Seeker would be such a perfect skill?
After a few moments, the rabbit dives through the clouds and out of sight. We must be getting close. We follow it in a free-fall towards the ground, pressing my heart to my spine as I let out a wail of joy to be caught on the wind.
Draco's going to kill me for this. I smile so hard my cheeks hurt.
xoXOXox
It's like Quidditch, if one were riding an extremely unstable broom, following a snitch carrying a death wish.
An excellent comforter I am, indeed.
We barrel through the sky, descending lower and lower as we approach our perceived destination. Then the blasted thing decides to dive below the clouds. Fuck. We plunge straight down, breaking just in time to throw us back for a loop as the bloody rodent drops through the trees. We descend hastily through the canopy, catching sight of the rabbit as it bounces merrily along its unbothered way. We tilt entirely to one side as to not collide with the myriad tree trunks so helpfully situated in my direct line of vision. If the hare wasn't created out of Luna's pure joy, I would find a way to skin the damn thing for my toils.
We are close to the ground now, slowing a bit as the patronus makes it into a clearing. It bounds into a shabby tent, from inside which an echo of Luna's voice calls -
"Harry, we're coming."
I hear a female voice shriek. "Luna! She's alive!"
Hermione Fucking Granger. Delightful.
"Bloody 'ell! She is!"
...and the Weasel.
The tent flies open as a dirty mop charges forth with wand outstretched. What joy would my malevolent Fates drain from me without the one and only?
"Expecto Patronum!" he shouts, louder than necessary. An ostentatious bloody buck prances forth. Fitting.
"Harry!" Luna cancels her disillusionment charm to run flailing towards him.
"Luna! You're alive!"
Yes, thanks none to you Saint Potter. Way to let a Death Eater save her arse while you're stuck hiding in the squalor.
"I've missed you every day!" she tells him
And now she's in his arms.
xoXOXox
Elation sends my legs bounding from the carpet as soon as I hear Hermione's voice.
"Luna! She's alive!"
I suppose that fact would still be in question, wouldn't it?
"Bloody 'ell! She is!"
I didn't know Ron was with them.
Then I see him. I see him, and my vision goes black along the tree line. He's more sallow and gaunt, his face is dirty and I can hear the strain in his voice, but I can see him, and I can hear him. He's alive. Harry is alive. Harry's alive! I cancel the disillusionment and throw myself into his arms.
"I've missed you every day!" I tell him, because I did. I didn't know if I'd ever get to see the boy who dared to be my friend ever again.
"I...I missed you too, Luna." he stutters, patting my back "I'm so glad you're safe."
Hermione and Ron come around to join the celebrating, encircling us with their arms.
"I'm glad you're safe too, although you don't seem to be entirely healthy. What have you been eating out here?" I ask
"Not much," he responds
"Bugger. We haven't been eating much lately, either."
"We?" he asks, confused
"I did say 'we' in the patronus, didn't I?" I clarify
All three of them immediately draw their wands, facing away from me.
Harry speaks first -
"Hominem revelio!"
"Incarcerous!" Hermione yells in almost the same moment, seconds after Draco's hair starts to shine in the sun.
As he drops bound and helpless to the ground, I realize my mistake. I assumed Harry and Hermione would trust me enough to know I wouldn't put them in danger on purpose. It is now apparent that I was wrong.
"Hermione, that's not any way to treat your friends," I tell her, untying Draco
"Friends?!" she shrieks "You brought a Death Eater right to us! What if he summons his master?"
When did her voice become so piercing? I help Draco to his feet, staring daggers at the witch. She has the unnerving habit of thinking less of people who aren't smart the same way she is. She doesn't realize she's not a better person than he is. Still, she won't speak to him that way in front of me.
"He's a person, not a beast, Hermione. He doesn't have a master." I tell her, firmly
Ron gets in my face, all red and huffing; mostly red though.
"What in Merlin's-gods-damned-salty-bollocks, Luna?"
He always has been crass, and a bit unclear. I think he means well but doesn't know how to articulate himself. I back away from him. Harry's usually the sensible one in these types of situations; perhaps he'll listen to me.
"Harry, you know Draco?" I ask
Harry's chest is heaving and his wand is still out.
"Draco sodding Malfoy. Yes, I know him. Unfortunately." he growls, still glaring Draco's direction
"Come now, Harry. Don't be like that." I tell him, taking Draco's hand. It's cold and covered in sweat. This whole situation is not boding well for his nerves. I go on -
"He's my romantic partner and my friend, and both of us could use your assistance at the moment if you'll please put the wand away."
Draco jerks his hand from mine as if my very touch stings him.
"Like hell, I could," he growls, shrinking the carpet to march away into the forest.
xoXOXox
I don't know where I am or where I'm going; who I am or who I'm going to be. Such is expected of a dead man.
How could I have been such an idiot? I believed her! Her vows and her touches, her reassurances and capabilities. I've risked my lifetimes over again because of her. Confidence is a game for fools.
I try to focus on my walk. Strategize, Malfoy. Think. Planning soothes the ragged edges where my mind shreds apart.
Item one - I mustn't call myself Malfoy. The Heir of the Most Noble House is deceased.
Item two - The scar on my arm must go. I can't risk waiting to be summoned. I doubt I could endure the pain, especially alone.
Item three - Get rid of the wretched flying catastrophe.
I hear footsteps shuffling the snow underfoot. She's following me. I increase my pace knowing she can't keep up with my longer strides. If she gets within firing range I'm likely to do something I won't regret as much as enjoy. No. No, I can't. She won't force me to devolve.
The way she looked at Potter has quelled my appetite completely. Pure adoration. Worship. Love. How she can grant such a look to someone who's done the things he has I never wish to fathom. It's probably the same sadistic penchant that had her carry me into the lion's den outnumbered.
"Draco! Wait!" she calls.
Like hell, I will. I've done enough waiting to last a lifetime. I continue my march into oblivion. Let her chase me until her feet bleed.
From my back, an incantation -
"Petrificus…"
"Silencio!" I shout, putting all the weight of my ire into the spell.
How dare she try to attack me when my back is turned! She's running towards me now. Is it not enough for her to tear me from my family? Humiliate me amongst my enemies? Must she hunt me like an animal as well?
"He's a person, not a beast, Hermione…"
Why? Why bring me here to be attacked only to defend me? Perhaps the Mudblood looks at Potter with the same affections. Disgusting.
She grabs my arm, and my docility comes swiftly to an end.
"Don't touch me!" I yell, flinging her to the ground in one reflexive movement. I let the anger radiate outward and the rage engulf me.
"How dare you lay your hands on me after touching him; filthy, vile witch! You let them bind me! Imprison me before I had the chance to speak!"
She scrambles to her feet as I fight the barbarity within me. If there is any skill I have mastered, it's injuring without the use of a wand.
"This is how you repay me, Luna? Falling into the arms of swine? Is this what you do? Flounce about giving doe eyes to any idiot you can connive?" I stare into her eyes. The fear there does nothing to assuage my hate. "Or do you simply have a deplorable fascination with scars?"
Not wishing to fumble on buttons with my trembling fingers, I hastily toss my robes in the melting snow and vanish the shirt. The crisp air will do my burning flesh well.
"Do you see this, Luna?" I ask vehemently, running my finger down the silver line that claims me waist to shoulder. "Do you know who gifted me this elegant decoration?"
She shakes her head no. I move closer now, every word uttered coaxing me forward to beat this message into her airy excuse for a mind.
"Of course you don't. And I suppose you don't know who stalked me, reviled me, turned hoards of others against me, Luna? Suspected my every motivation, and wouldn't so much as shake my hand - for six years?"
The silencing charm has run its course. She speaks.
"A very cruel person, I suspect."
The irony assaults me.
"Yes, Luna, a very cruel person like you."
xoXOXox
I am so confused.
One moment he agrees to come with me to seek help, the next he runs from me without explanation. And the scar… It looks to have been a nearly fatal wound. It snakes from his shoulder to his waist. He's been sliced in two. I wonder if he was forced to participate in the training that killed Bellatrix's soldiers. That's not the most confounding circumstance though. He says I've been cruel. If anyone should understand cruelty, it's him. Maybe we have different ideas of what the word means. I'll find out soon enough.
"How have I been cruel, Draco?"
He laughs into the sky. This time it's truly terrifying, like he might burst into flames at any moment.
"YOU LET THEM BIND ME!" he bellows, causing the bare tree branches to quake
"Draco, I didn't let Hermione bind you, any more than you let the Snatchers abduct me. Those things happened against our will, and we helped each other as soon as we could."
"I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE!"
"And I did?"
"You could have told them I was with you! You could have vouched for me! But no! You were too busy fawning over the bastard who refuses to die!"
He's right.
"You're right." I tell him "I should have. I'm sorry."
He doesn't respond while slipping his shirt back on and throwing his robe over his arm. He doesn't look at me, instead focusing intently on putting each button in its hole. In the silence, a thought occurs to me.
"Were you upset because I hugged Harry?"
His finger slips on the last button, causing the pearly white circle to go flying into the slush, never to be seen again.
He stalks closer until I can feel the heat emanating from his skin. His hands are visibly trembling as he leans into the tree behind me, caging me between his arms. Right here is where I should smell fresh spice and clean mornings, but I don't. Instead, I'm overtaken by burning silk and rough winds and years of lit cigars. Under the dim light of the tree cover his hair's not fluffy and white, but greasy clumps of silver framing him jaggedly. It sets his eyes just a shade more ferocious. This isn't my kitten I'm dealing with, it's a nundu.
"Yes," he says into my neck, staying one of his hands in my hair a touch too roughly. "Do you understand what it does to me, to see someone else hold you? To see you choose him over me?"
To be fair, it's difficult to understand much of anything at the moment, but no; the answer to his question is no. I have a suspicion, but it might prove unproductive, even dangerous to voice it at this moment. I think what it does to him is the same feeling a child gets when a toy is snatched away from them, or when their friends no longer want to play.
"Why don't you tell me, kitten?" I ask, because I want to know for certain what could possibly cause such a horrible transformation of such a beautiful being.
My head snaps back as my hair is pulled roughly from the roots. Suddenly my eyes are wide open as the needles run across my scalp. He pulls the skin of my open throat into his mouth until it stings, only to bite down hard enough to make my voice slip out unwillingly. The pain is cooled for a moment as he takes a deep inhale to speak -
"This… It does this. It makes me crave to remove every shadow of his deplorable hands from your skin; to remind you exactly what my touch feels like so you'll choose me again."
Sounds like jealousy to me.
"This…" he says, bringing my thighs up to rest around his hips as he pins me to the rough tree bark "...is such an exquisite view. Not one I want to share with the likes of Potter. Let it be exclusively for the one you love, Luna. Let this be just for me."
So… People who love each other slightly hurt each other after letting their wrackspurts take over their tempers? Sounds like bollocks to me. There's one other thing he said that sits just beyond the bridge to sound reasoning -
"Draco, do you think because I love you, I can't love anyone else?"
This is no position to hold such an important conversation in. I'm reminded of this as he distractingly runs his burning hot hands up my borrowed shirt and over my stomach.
"Why would you want to, lovely?" he says, fifty gold coins clattering into the silent snow as he lifts my bra above my breasts.
As he begins caressing them one at a time, the duplicity is not lost on me. He loses his mind over one person holding me, but those galleons have probably been touched by thousands of people. Yet, he doesn't mind getting their filth in his mouth.
Ah, well. This feels good, and there will most likely be plenty of time to educate him about best hygiene practices later. He shoves his palm between us where we're connected, gripping and running circles until the bark scraping against my back becomes only a minor annoyance. He speaks to me softly, all the temper and fuming tucked away for the moment to reveal the Draco I like best.
"Do you love me, Luna? Do you want me? Will you choose me?"
I sense this is a plea for permission. Those questions have already been answered, but I humour him nonetheless. Repetition leads to memorization eventually.
"Don't I love you every day, Draco? Don't I chase away your nightmares and bring your wildest dreams to life? Don't I listen? Don't I care for your deepest desires, my love? Isn't it me who finds your smile when you lose it in the dark?"
That wasn't an answer so much as a series of questions, but they will help him find the answers for himself. I continue -
"I'm not in charge of forever, Draco, but I want you right now. I'll choose you today, just like we've chosen each other since the beginning." I run my hands over his shoulders, up his neck, through his hair. His eyes are full of longing, tinged with fear. "Please don't run from me again."
"Never," he replies
xoXOXox
A/N: This is important
Does anyone else see how problematic it is that they are having a conversation about him being monogamous and her being poly for the very first time at this point in the story? Can we talk about and appreciate the ridiculous amount of emotional labour Luna is doing for him?
Also, can we please PLEASE talk about his terrible intimidation tactics and how Luna should be more concerned for her safety than his feelings?! I mean, who am I to say what she wants and maybe she just wants angry sex but got damn she literally said "it might be dangerous to voice my opinion" which is a red flag for abuse and you should never feel that way with someone who loves you!
I wanted to write a problematic story about personal growth and hope because none of us are born knowing the answers, but the point is also for you to learn from their mistakes and not do this shit. I was so sad that so many people in the comments were bashing Luna for not giving Dray her undivided attention and not seeing the terrible situation so I figured I needed to bluntly explain it. Maybe I just needed to write a fluff story instead? Let me know what you think, dear readers.
Yes, I'm going to fix the relationship dynamic in later chapters, but seriously this chapter is riddled with terrible and desperate decisions that bad relationship dynamics are made of. Not knowing your partner is of a different sexual orientation is a huge oversight and time suck. Don't do what they did! Talk first!
Is there anyone reading who is good at weaving morals into stories? If so, I'd like to have a chat with you.
Let the flames begin!
Vine