The walk to the shaman's place was long, including two nights underneath the clear sky. Huskar could get there faster but it always calmed him to walk over the plains. He caught a small creature on the first day, which he could eat throughout his walk. He even found a few berries to add. All in all, it was peaceful and wouldn't there be the craving for his mate, it would be perfect.
Huskar was on his feet early, since he didn't sleep very well. His mind wouldn't do this trick again, where it made Huskar think the Assassin was there and so he was cranky, lonely and in constant pain. The sun rose behind the hills when the home from the Shadow Priest came into view.
It was a rather small hut in which the shaman lived and where only a few creatures were permitted to enter. A second hut, not the least bigger, was for guests. There was space between the huts for whatever shamans did all day when they were outside.
Since the shaman would still be sleeping this early in the morning, Huskar went to hunt something for breakfast. Then he sat down by the guesthouse, ate and drank water from one of the barrels standing nearby. Then he waited.
Only when it was around midday did he get up to knock on the door. It was still possible that the Shadow Priest wasn't at home and he didn't want to sit around waiting for nothing.
He knocked a second time and was rewarded with the shuffling of feet on the other side of the door. A moment passed without any sound before the door was opened and a definitely sleepy Shadow Priest blinked up at the Sacred Warrior. He yawned without covering his mouth, which looked unbelievably creepy with the smudged painted on teeth around the shaman's mouth.
"What want?" The shaman mumbled while he squinted against the light outside of the hut.
"Good day Shadow Priest." Better to be formal when he wanted something. "I come with a question to you, since you are the most accomplished shaman of all trolls."
"Wha?" With a shake of his head he moved back a little and closed the door. "Gimme an hour." The door shut in Huskar's face.
That had been foreseeable.
About two hours later, the door opened again and a grinning Shadow Priest stepped out. He had his staff in hand and the paint on his face was fresh. "Sacred Warrior, pleasure to find you in my front garden!"
Huskar blinked and pointedly looked at the flat earth around him that was anything but a front garden. The shaman ignored the look and sauntered over "To what do I deserve the pleasure of your visit?" He sat down, lay the staff next to him on the ground and pulled two cups from his belt as well as a flask. He poured and held one cup out for Huskar. Knowing that it was never wise to eat or drink anything the shaman gave someone, he grabbed the cup but didn't even sip from it. He sat down, though, and since he had been asked this directly, told about his problem. A mate who refused to be his mate and the pain that wouldn't go away, no matter how much he wanted it to.
The Shadow Priest's eyes were unfocused. He stared at a point behind Huskar, which made the Warrior almost fidget. It was unnerving. After long minutes of silence, the shaman shook his head. "I can't offer you what you seek. I can offer you something to dull the pain, though. I'm not sure you'll like the side effects of it. But there is no way to forget one's mate or to erase the connection." He leaned forward, his gaze sharp. "Your mate feels the same pain as you do. This concept isn't designed to go against. You are mates, you belong together. Whatever the reasons are to not want it, you'll only be able to not be together while being in pain."
That wasn't what Huskar had hoped he'd get, since 'dulling the pain' probably meant some sort of drug. Especially when the shaman mentioned 'side effects'. He thought about it, wondering if maybe the shaman just didn't know of a way to erase the connection. He could roam the world and try to find someone else, someone with more knowledge. But while he'd do that, he'd still miss his mate so much it hurt. He could at least try the drug and see how it affected him. He could still stop taking it then. And with the pain dulled, he could probably better search for a different solution.
Not happy with the outcome of this visit, the Sacred Warrior nodded. "I'll try it."
With a snort and a crazy laugh, the Shadow Priest stood up. "You must be really desperate. How glad I am I haven't met my mate yet. Stay here," he said as Huskar made to follow him.
Swaying a little, the shaman vanished in his hut. Huskar used the time to sniff at the liquid in his cup. It smelled of herbs but he didn't know what kind. It didn't smell like anything he was familiar with. He put the cup in front of him without drinking. The shaman was always unsteady on his feet because he took all kinds of drugs. Someone had once said that everything the shaman ate or drank contained drugs. That could be exaggerated. It didn't have to be.
A while later, Huskar was getting really bored, the door of the hut opened again. The Shadow Priest did nothing in a hurry. He was probably incapable of it, since he'd fall over or something if he moved too fast. Since he was never in any way pressed for time so he didn't need to hurry.
He held a small bag in his hands, sniffing at it and then grinning widely. "This, my friend, will help you." He dropped it in Huskar's upturned palm. "I'd advise you to take the tiniest bit, once in the morning and once in the evening. I'll show you how." He took one of the bags from his belt and poured a powder from it in his hand. Then he stuck his tongue out and dipped just the tip of it into it. "Just the tiniest bit." He repeated before he smacked his lips and grinned again. The remaining powder he stowed in the bag. "You'll get dizzy at the beginning but it will go away. You'll be slower, remember that when you are on the hunt. Maybe go hunting in the evening before you take the second dose. But, you won't feel the pain in your heart anymore and that's what you want. When you get used to the substance, you might have to take more of it. Come back to me when it's empty. Good luck!" He turned away.
"Wait!" The shaman looked at Huskar. "What about your payment?"
The grin again, unnerving. "Invite me to the mating ceremony!" He had the door of the hut closed behind him before Huskar could say anything to that.
Sometimes the Shadow Priest was crazy. One could never be sure if he forgot things or if he knew more things than he should. "There won't be a mating ceremony." Huskar muttered while he got up. But at least this was a cheap help. He could've ported home but he began to walk. He held the bag in his hand and thought about what he was about to do. There was no doubt that this was a drug. Something that would make him dizzy and slow. Huskar snarled, but only a little.
Now that he was on the way home, it hit him again, that he'd be alone in his house. If the Assassin were his mate, she'd be there. Or at least she'd show up at some time.
Alone. This time he snarled in earnest, because the thought hurt. That made the decision if he should take the drug easier. He ported home. A shudder raced down his back because for a second he had thought he felt the Phantom Assassin. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It wasn't that it was impossible for her to be here, it was just that it was impossible that she was here. It would make no sense. Which meant, his mind was playing tricks again.
With another snarl Huskar poured powder from the bag in his hand and before he could question the wisdom of his actions he dipped his tongue into it. Just the tip, as the Shadow Priest had advised. Then he put the powder away, into a cupboard in the kitchen.
For a moment he debated if he should do something useful, but that was probably a bad idea. He just sat down on a pillow in the living room and waited for the drug to kick in. He didn't have to wait long. First, he recognized the side effects. His vision got a tad blurry, it was as if the world moved around him. Then his thoughts grew hazy but with it came a lightness that was new. It was a bit like he was floating, the pain was almost gone, just a tiny twinge remained, nearly non-existent.
Huskar grinned and lay down on the floor, arms and legs outstretched. He stared at the ceiling and simply enjoyed the state of bliss he was in. Even when his mind conjured the illusion of the Assassin's presence beside him it wasn't painful but kind of soothing. He sighed and closed his eyes. And drifted like that, with an imaginary mate by his side and without pain, without this crazy circle his thoughts had been going around in.
After a while, it wasn't that extreme any more, the effect of the drugs lessening a bit. Huskar was able to get himself together enough to stand up then do some stuff in and around the house. He had to concentrate on what he was doing, and he decided not to take anything sharp into his hands yet. But he was able to tidy up and collect fruit and wood and do some other smaller things.
Taking the advice from the Shadow Priest he went hunting in the late evening. It wasn't as easy as it usually was but it was alright. He wasn't overly happy with the side effects of the drug but to be without pain was such a relief that he didn't consider once not taking it. His mind conjured the feeling of the Phantom Assassin near him randomly throughout the day. He didn't mind it, with the drug it was no bother.
With the drug, Huskar was fine. He slept peacefully, even though he dreamt about his mate. He was able to do everything he had done before he had met the Assassin (though a little slower) and he was happy with it. He was happy without her. He thought about her often but it didn't hurt. He even sometimes smiled when his mind played it's tricks and it felt as if she was there.
When the Shadow Priest visited him a few weeks later, he told him that it worked. He told him about how he felt as if his mate was near him sometimes, but the shaman didn't know if that was normal or not. "Maybe she is there? And you just can't see her?"
That was unlikely, which he told the Shadow Priest. "She'd never come here."
The shaman didn't look convinced but he didn't say anything more. He simply changed the topic.
It was what made Huskar think about it again that night. He hadn't made the drug responsible for this mind tricks. Maybe it was his mind, no matter if he took drugs or not. Or maybe, just maybe, could it be that the Assassin was around sometimes?
Huskar remembered that the Shadow Priest had said his mate would hurt just like him. He had pushed the statement out of his head because he hadn't cared at the time. And he couldn't imagine the Assassin hurting. She probably had some special techniques to get over such a pain. But then, maybe she didn't.
If she didn't, then she'd be in pain all the time as well. The same pain that had made him desperate enough to take drugs from the Shadow Priest. Aside from the fact that she didn't have the drug he had, she'd never take it because it would make her slow.
As unlikely as it seemed that she came to him and was around, just to be near him, Huskar couldn't shrug the doubt off now. He had been too willing to accept that it was his imagination but it didn't have to be. Since he was taking the drugs, he didn't feel the need to be with his mate anymore, not like he was craving it with every fibre of his being. So the fact that it felt as if she was around didn't have to be imagination.
Right at that moment, he felt her presence. Or imagined her presence. He couldn't see her, he already knew that. But even if she was really here he wouldn't be able to see her because she was a master at hiding.
Maybe it was the drugs, but Huskar decided to try something. He pushed his hand down his body, under the blanket that covered him. He was naked underneath, always slept naked. It wasn't that he hadn't jacked off since he had returned home. But first, he was sure he hadn't done it when he had had the feeling the Assassin was near and second, he fully intended to indulge today. No quick thing, he wanted to see what happened if his mate was around and watched him.
It was a little crazy, but he didn't care. And he was sure that normal things, trying to talk to her or trying to find her or something like that wouldn't work. She'd ignore it.
Just the thought about how he could watch her touch herself got him instantly hard. She had to feel something similar when she saw him. And if it was his imagination, if she wasn't around, he'd loose nothing in taking his time to get off.
He threw the blanket off and sighed as the cool air touched his warm skin. He didn't open his eyes, instead he tried to pinpoint the feeling of the Assassin's presence. He couldn't. If she was here, it would be a wonder that he felt her at all. Was probably due to them being mates.
Huskar wrapped his hand around himself and stroked slowly up and down. There was a ripple in the air, almost intangible. If he hadn't been watching for it, he'd have missed it. He smiled and continued the stroking. He made sure to move slowly, deliberately. He cupped his balls. Not that he usually did that but that way the Phantom Assassin could get a good look at him.
When there was another ripple, he sighed. It had to be her, she had to be here. It wasn't his imagination, hadn't been a trick from his mind. She had been here all this time, at least once a day. She wasn't able to be without him, just like he wasn't able to be without her.
Not that this realization changed anything. She could've said something if she had wanted to be his mate. The fact that she hid made it clear that she still refused it.
Another stroke, Huskar growled, and he was sure he almost felt the touch of a hand against his chest. He shuddered. How he wished she'd touch him, her small hand, skin probably rough from the usage of her weapons.
She wasn't allowed to have a mate but couldn't live without him the same he couldn't live without her. It wasn't painful for him because he was drugged all the time, but he still remembered how he had felt. Fuck, he wanted to make her pain go away.
"Touch me." He growled the words, his voice thick because he wanted so much. A hitch in her breath, he could hear it. Huskar still didn't open his eyes, didn't dare. He might scare her away, or he might see nothing and find it all being his imagination.
Then he felt it, the tiniest brush of fingertips against his skin. It was enough to make him sigh and shudder again. She was there and she was touching him.
"More." This time it sounded more like begging. An instant later her palm pressed against his stomach. Huskar growled as his muscles twitched.
The stroking of his hand grew faster. He couldn't slow down anymore, couldn't stop. His mate was there, had her hand against his skin and just this small touch was enough to make him crazy for more. He felt on fire in a way he had never been before. It was amazing.
He came, shuddering and growling, eyes still closed. The Phantom Assassin's breath was harsh but she didn't move, her hand lying lightly on his stomach, the only place their bodies touched.
It didn't stay like that. The hand vanished. Without the drugs Huskar would surely have opened his eyes or sat up. He didn't. He was relaxed, pleased and a little sleepy. The only thing he managed was to sloppily wipe his stomach and a murmured "stay" before he drifted off.