Hey all.

I am sorry that it took me soo long. I seem to write block when it comes to this Story. However, here you go. I hope you like it.

And same copy right applies. I do not own or many any money from this. I did use some lines from the movie in this, but I reworked them.

Also, thanks to my Beta who proofed this for me.

Chapter 3:

Growing Pains

Flames licked Captain Kirk's skin just as he and a few other officers were beamed aboard from the base in Sector Ten. The entire structure was imploding as it sent unnatural flames high into the blackened sky. Walls and ceilings crumbled and fell as it began to collapse in upon itself. By the time the Providence had arrived, it was too late to save the base, and some might even say that it was too late to save the officers trapped inside. Nearly everyone in Starfleet knew that Captain Kirk wasn't a fan of the word impossible, and he wasn't willing to give up.

Yet, Jim knew he should've come up with a better plan then to just beam down and try to save as many people as possible. Sure, they had saved quite a few people already, but they had taken damage to themselves and the ship. No one from his ship had been killed, but the damage was clear. It was like each injury to his crew was his own, as he felt every blow. Jim realized he wouldn't change a thing because he lived to save lives.

When everyone reappeared on the transporter pad, Jim released a breath that he didn't know that he had been holding. If anyone were to ask he would deny it outright, but inwardly he was scared shitless as he waited to be beamed up. For a few long seconds, he wondered if he had risked too much this time. His crew, including himself, almost didn't make it back to the Providence with the unnatural flames, and that wasn't something he was comfortable with. His plan was the best option and it saved the most lives, but maybe it had been too risky.

Snapping back to reality by the shooting pain in his arms and side, Jim forced himself to feet and glanced around the room. He was a part of the last group to beam up, and it seemed like everyone in this group had some kind of injury. Cursing the pain running up his left side and down both his arms, he checked with each person on the transporter pad before he made his way to the engineer behind the control panel.

"Ensign," he called, putting on his best Captain's face. It was difficult with the pain, but he didn't want anyone to see how much he was hurting. He was the Captain and he needed to be strong for his entire crew.

The Ensign looked up. "Yes, Captain."

"Are we moving yet?" he asked. He had ordered Scotty to warp out of the region once everyone was on board, but he could feel the ship wasn't moving. There was something deep in his gut that was telling him something was very wrong with his ship. His instincts were never wrong.

The red shirt looked a little bit scared as he spoke to his Captain. "No, Sir. We're still in Obit."

Jim wanted to curse and yell, but that would only make the situation worse. He couldn't let his pain overwhelm him and turn him into a beast or worse…a crybaby. That wouldn't be good for anyone. "Make sure each person here makes it to the Medical bay," he ordered. "I want everyone to get checked out."

"Yes, Sir."

"I'm heading to the Bridge," Kirk said. He didn't wait for a response as he rushed out of the room, heading to the bridge. His mind was running a dozen different scenarios as to why the Providence hadn't left orbit. Was there something wrong? Did Scotty see something that he didn't like? Jim wasn't sure, but he was going to find out. With each passing second, the pain in his side was growing. He hoped that he could fight the pain off long enough to find the answer.

*O*O*

When Jim stepped onto the Bridge, the pain was nearly overwhelming, and it took everything he had to keep upright. Along the way, Jim had found a random black undershirt and pulled it over his head, not wanting to walk onto the bridge with visible burns on his arms and side. That was one image that he didn't want his crew to see, and it wouldn't help anyone if theCaptain came in covered in burns.

Putting on the best face that he could manage, he stepped on the bridge, and for the first time he wasn't greeted with happy faces. Instead of a smiling crew being led by his First Officer, he was met by a loud alarm and a flashing red light. Instead of Scotty in the Captain's chair, it was the young Russian Navigator, who was shouting out orders in a very heavy accent. Despite his accent and the noise from the alarms, the bridge crew understood everything that Chekov was saying as they shouted their responses back.

Jim forced himself to take a deep breath as he eyed the chaotic scene in front of him. He pushed aside his anger at his missing First Officer, as he had to take control of his situation and figure out what the hell was happening. "Chekov, report!" he yelled, louder than that alarm. "And someone silence that alarm!"

An Ensign from the one of the back panels turned to Kirk with wide eyes. "I'm trying, Sir," he said.

"Try manually disconnecting the internal-" Jim started to say, but he never finished as a huge tremor rocketed through the ship. Everyone not sitting had been sent falling to the ground, and Jim barely missed hitting his head on one of the displays. As everyone seemed to be in some kind of daze and were slow in getting to their feet, Jim could feel his panic growing. For a moment he was grateful for the searing pain that now was impacting his entire body, as it was the only thing keeping him alert.

"Chekov!" the Captain yelled, as he glanced around the room.

"Kaptain," the Russian responded. His voice was soft, and his eyes were in a daze. There was blood from his hairline running down his face.

Though no words left Jim's lips, inwardly he was swearing like a pirate. "Is everyone okay?" he finally asked, his eyes not leaving his Navigator. Granted all of his crew meant something to him, but the idea of Chekov hurt didn't sit well with him. The Russian was important to him.

He could hear the cries of his crew as they responded to his question. He could tell that some of them were in pain, but he had a ship to Captain. "Someone escort Ensign Chekov to the Medical Bay."

The unsteady Russian shot to his feet, using one the panels for support. "No, Kaptain. I am needed here!"

Jim could see the determination in his eyes, and he found himself struggling to order Chekov off the Bridge. Did he have the right to order the Navigator off the Bridge when he was in greater pain? It was Jim who was struggling to stay on his feet and think clearly, but that was different. He was the goddamn Captain, and this was where he belonged. "Fine, but someone tell me what the hell is going on?! Where are Lieutenant Saavik and Commander Scott?" he demanded.

Chekov winced in pain as he took a step to one of panels. He ran his fingers over the display, bringing up the ships' cores. Taking a quick glance over the diagram, Jim knew it didn't take an engineer to see something was wrong with the cores. "Somebody explain what is causing this," he yelled as another tremor rocketed through the ship. He wondered if the tremors were coming more from his own body than from the ship.

The Russian looked at him. "Ve are experiencing a disruption in the Cores, Sir."

Upon hearing that, he didn't need to be told where Saavik and Scotty had disappeared to. The pair were in Engineering, trying to stabilize the cores. Wincing as the pain nearly blinded him, he swallowed his raging nausea as he knew that stabilizing the cores took top priority. If the cores ruptured, there would be nothing that could be done to save the ship short of ejecting them. The crew would be left adrift in a nearly dead ship, surviving on impulse engines, or killed in the blast. Jim couldn't stop himself from cursing again. "I assume we're now caught in the planet's gravity?" he asked, moving to his seat. The pain was increasing and black spots were starting to cloud his vision.

"Yes, Sir."

It took everything Jim had not to let a sigh of relief when he sat in his Chair. "Everyone get buckled in," he ordered, knowing this was going to be a very bumpy ride. "Reroute all nonessential power to the thrusters," he yelled.

"Yes, Sir."

"And someone get me Commander Scott on the conn," he demanded. If it wasn't for the fact that he was buckled in, Jim had no doubt that he would be struggling to stay upright in his seat. He knew McCoy was going to have a field day once he saw him, but he would worry about that later.

"Captain," Scotty said, his voice echoing throughout the Bridge a few moments later. It was impossible to miss the worried tones in his voice. Jim could tell he was panicking.

"Report," Jim ordered, feeling another tremor.

There was a pause before the Chief Engineer answered. "…Sir, it ain't lookin' good. It appears that abnormality is back," he said. "Saavik is searchin' for the source of the electro wave as we speak."

Jim fought back a growl. What the hell was happening to his ship? What the hell was this thing? Why did it keep following him? Jim wasn't sure the reason, but he wasn't willing to losing the Providence and the crew so soon. He blinked as his rage nearly equaled his pain. He swallowed and tried to ignore both of them. He had to think of his crew, who were more important than anyone else. He had to get them to safety, though he doubted that they would be able to get all of the wounded out in time. "Find it now, Scotty."

"Aye, Sir. Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to this beauty."

The Captain smiled slightly. "That's what I wanted to hear." The line went silent after that, leaving Jim to deal with every eye on him. "Let's go down to work. And someone shut off that alarm." His ears were ringing.

*O*O*

Admiral Pike was beyond angry and was ready to kill someone, namely a certain green-blooded Vulcan. He never expected Spock, out of all the officers on the Enterprise, to disobey a direct order and he didn't know how to deal with it. Seriously, how does a Vulcan even break a direct order? He had never known Spock to act this irrationally, until he had met Jim. He didn't know what it was about James T. Kirk, but he brought out the fight in everyone. For that, the Admiral blamed Kirk.

"Commander, what the hell do you think you're doing? Did you forget the Prime Directive?" Pike hollered into the communicator.

Spock didn't answer right away, taking a few seconds to answer. "I am aware of the Prime Directive, Admiral, and I shall not break it."

"And how are you going to do that?" he asked, still trying to figure how Spock got into the volcano in the first place. How the hell did he get into that heat resistant suit without him noticing? Pike wasn't sure, but he was going to have words with his First Officer, who might become his former First Officer in the next few minutes. "We can't use the transporters to get you out of there."

Again, Spock didn't answer right away, and when he did speak, he ignored the question. "I have activated the device, Admiral. When the countdown is complete, the reaction should render the volcano inert."

It took a few seconds for everything to click in his head. Spock didn't plan on coming back. What the hell? Pike thought. He was really getting sick of these idiots. "Commander," Pike said, using every ounce of his Admiral's voice. How dare he do this to him? How would explain to Jim that Spock was dead? Killed in a volcano while trying to save the primitive natives on this planet? "We're going to have some words in private once I get you aboard this ship."

The line to Spock wasn't clear, and it was getting worse with each passing seconds. It wouldn't be long before the line was completely fried. "The Prime Directive must not be broken."

Admiral Pike glanced toward Sulu. "Can we beam him up if we have direct line of sight?"

"I don't know that we could maintain that kind of altitude." Sulu replied.

"Admiral, my shuttle was concealed by the ash cloud but the Enterprise is too large. If you utilize a rescue effort, it will be revealed to the indigenous species," Spock responded.

Oh damn! Was he really going to let Spock die just to follow the Prime Directive? Yes, he knew how important that rule was, and he knew that it could not be broken, even to save the life of a Vulcan. Yet, could he let Spock die? Could he watch the Vulcan die without doing a fucking thing? Could he ever live with himself? How could he ever look Jim in the eyes again? He was no idiot. He knew it would crush him and take his already fragile life dangerously off course. "And you can't use that same shuttle to get out of there?"

"No," Spock answered. "It was destroyed when I landed."

Pike let out a deep breath as he tried to think of some way to save his hard-headed First Officer. Why didn't anyone listen to him when he gave an order? Why did everyone think they could act just like Jim Kirk and come up with a wild solution that always worked? "Is there a way that we can conceal the Enterprise?" he asked.

Sulu rotated, staring at the Admiral. Pike could see he was trying to think of an answer and darkness come over his eyes as he spoke. "No, Sir."

The Admiral glanced around the Bridge. "Does anyone have any ideas?"

Uhura glanced at him, and Pike could also see the darkness in her eyes, as they all knew this was the end. If Jim had been here, Pike had no doubt that he wouldn't hesitate to break the Prime Directive if it meant saving the lives of his crew. "Commander."

The line to the Vulcan was growing worse, and for a second, the Admiral wondered if he had lost him. "Yes, Admiral."

"Tell me what you think Captain Kirk would do in this situation?" he asked, feeling every eye turning to him. He could feel the tension growing on the Bridge.

"Admiral, I do not understand how your question will help the situation."

"Just answer the question, Spock."

Yet again, Spock did not answer right away. "Captain Kirk would not allow any of his crewmembers to die without making an attempt to save them, regardless of the risks."

"That's what I thought," Pike replied. He knew there had been a few exceptions to the rule, but none of those things applied to this situation.

Spock quickly answered. "However, that does not matter here. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."

Pike felt his blood boil with anger as he listened to Spock. This was the voice of a Vulcan who had given up. This Vulcan-Human hybrid had so much to give to the universe, and he was willing to throw it all away without a second thought. Why? Why the hell would he throw it all away? Was it because of Jim? "You're killing me. You know that?" he asked, not waiting for a response before he turned to Sulu.

*O*O*

The pain growing in Jim had become so bad that it was nearly impossible for him to move without screaming. At first it had been easy to ignore the stabbing pain. From the abuse at the hands of people from his own family, to the hell called Tarsus IV, to a pair of certain monster Dalenians, his tolerance for pain had grown. Right now, the pain in his side had become a roaring fire. It pulsed with his heart and grew worse with each breath. And yet none of that mattered, because there was nowhere else that Jim needed to be. He was in the Captain, and this was where he belonged. "Bridge to Sickbay," he called, pressing a button on a chair. His voice was strained.

It took a few moments for McCoy to answer. "Jim, what are you doing about these tremors?" he demanded.

"How fast would it take you to get everyone to an escape pod?" he asked. Abandoning the ship was the last resort, but the cores were unstable, and he didn't know if they could be repaired.

McCoy didn't answer right away, and he didn't need to see his best friend's face to know the expression that was there. "Jim."

He knew by the sound of the Doctor's voice that it wasn't good. "That isn't what I want to hear," he said, through his teeth. He wondered if McCoy could hear the pain in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Jim."

Those words were the last thing he wanted to hear. How the hell did he lose this ship so fast? What kind of Captain was he? "It's fine. Just see what you can do and get back to me."

"Shall do…But Jim."

"Not now, McCoy."

There was a long pause. "I want you down in my Medical Bay after this. I want to give you a full medical check. It's not a request. It's an order."

Jim snorted. Of course, Bones would say that even though there was a chance they wouldn't make it. "Of course, Bones." He said, as he closed the line.

"Kaptain," Chekov called.

With a sigh, Kirk glanced at Chekov, wondering if he was cursed. Did he just sentence his crew to death? Did they all hate him? "Yes, Chekov."

"I don't knov hov long ve can hold this for."

Jim knew it was only a matter of time before gravity took over and they crashed…or the cores exploded. He didn't know which would be first, but he knew either way they were screwed. "Ensign Zola," he called, turning to the communication station. He knew it was too late to call for help, as no one would be able to get here in time. It was protocol that he send Saavik's data and the last shipwide download to Starfleet. He had to make sure that one else suffered the same fate.

"Yes, Captain."

"Make sure that Starfleet gets the Data File XP2392," he ordered.

"Yes, Sir."

Jim glanced down at the control panel on this chair. His vision blurred from the pain and chaos, forcing him to use his memories to guide his hands. The Providence wasn't going to last long under the gravitational pull from the planet and the tremors from the cores. If there was one thing he would have entered in his final log was that he was surprised that the Providence held up for so long. There was no doubt that this ship was best of the fleet. Just briefly it reminded him of another impressive ship… the one that had held up against Nero.

If he were completely honest with himself, he would have to say that still missed the Enterprise. That ship may be his past, but it made him who he was. With the exception of the time after his nightmare first meeting with the Dalenians, he wouldn't change that time for the world. He would also admit that he missed his old crew. It wasn't to say his new crew wasn't top notch. There was a flow with his former crew that he didn't have yet with his current crew. There hadn't been enough time. And then there was Spock. He still didn't know how he felt about that Vulcan, but there was something in his heart. Something that always flickered when he thought of the Vulcan he had once considered his soulmate. He didn't know what it was, but even now, in the middle of a crisis that could destroy the ship and kill the entire crew, he couldn't stop thinking about Spock.

Damn him.

"Engineering to Bridge."

Shaking out of his thoughts, Jim pressed his fingers to the comm. "Kirk here. Scotty, what do you have for me?" he asked, as he balled his hands. His nails dug into his palms, drawing more blood.

"Saavik and I have come up with a plan, Sir."

"What is it?" he asked, harshly.

There was a pause. "We're unable to stabilize the cores. However, if we eject them, the force of the explosion can free the ship from the gravitational pull of the planet."

They had ejected the cores before to escape from Nero and the black hole, but those cores were stable. These were ready to explode at any second. "Can the Providence survive that?" He would have asked about the risks to the crew, but he couldn't do that in front of them.

"Sir, if this was any other ship, I would say nye; however, this ship can handle anything. I trust her, Sir."

Jim had to admit that he liked Scotty's optimism, but he some part of him still had doubts. He still had trouble trusting anyone. What if Scotty was wrong? What if it killed everyone under his control? Feeling another tremor followed by a near blinding wave of pain, he knew there was no other choice. If they didn't take the chance, people would die. "Lieutenant Saavik," he called.

"Yes, Captain," she answered a few seconds later.

He wasn't sure why her opinion had become so important to him. Maybe it was because she was a Vulcan like his former First Officer. Maybe it was because he could trust her to give him a logical answer. "You have studied this abnormality before. What is your opinion of this?"

"Commander Scott is correct. This is the only course of action I can recommend," she responded.

Jim turned to the panel, staring at the screen for a moment. "Do it. Do it now."

"Aye, Sir."

*O*O*

Admiral Pike was staring at his First Officer with every interest of ripping into him. How dare Spock put him in a situation like that? How dare he force his hand like that? How dare he do this to him after everything that he had done for Jim Kirk? It felt like a betrayal. "Commander, what the hell were you thinking?" he asked in his full admiral tone.

They were in the Admiral's personal quarters, which at one time had been Captain Kirk's quarters, as Pike didn't want to have this argument where anyone could hear them. He didn't want anyone to hear how livid he was that Spock was willing to throw everything away. He wanted to know why he had been so willing to throw away his career and his life.

"You violated the Prime Directive," Spock in a Vulcan monotone.

Pike let out a sigh. "It was you who violated the Directive first, Commander. I was merely correcting what you were doing." He narrowed his eyes at Spock, not seeing anything in his First Officer's eyes. It was unnerving. "Starfleet's mandate is to explore and observe, not to interfere."

Spock stood perfectly still. Without blinking or looking away, his eyes were drilled into Pike. "Had the mission according to plan, Admiral, the indigenous species would never have been aware of the interference."

"That's a technicality."

"I am Vulcan, sir. We embrace technicalities."

Pike felt himself twitch, because he couldn't believe this was happening. Was he channeling Kirk? "You givin' me attitude, Spock?"

"I'm expressing multiple attitudes simultaneously, sir. To which are you referring?"

Spock was really driving him crazy, and he didn't know how to respond with anything besides anger. "Enough, Commander. You were wrong," he coldly replied. "You were supposed to survey a planet, not alter its destiny! You violated a dozen Starfleet regulations and almost got everyone on this ship killed, trying to save you."

"You could have left me to die."

No, I couldn't, Pike countered to himself. It was the last thing that he could have done. "Why did you break protocol?" he asked. It was the one thing that he wanted to know.

The Vulcan didn't answer it right away, taking a few moments to speak. His lips twitched as he searched for something say. "As I said before, Admiral, had the mission according to plan, the indigenous species would never have been aware of the interference."

Pike's eye was twitching. Spock had just repeated the same excuse word for word. "Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass you are?"

Spock was still staring, his lips twitching. "I do not understand how I can be causing pain to your-"

Pike gave him a deadly glare. He hated when his First Officer played stupid and acted like he didn't understand what others were saying. In reality, he knew exactly what everyone meant. The Admiral wondered if this all was just a game to him. "Enough! You know what you did, Commander, and I want to know why. I want to know why a Vulcan went against the regulations. Why would someone of your rank and history risk his career? I want the real reason."

"My calculations were off."

For a moment, Pike wondered if he was hearing things. His calculations were off?

At this point he wanted to curse and throttle some sense into him, but he couldn't do that. He was the Captain on this ship and he had to be professional and reasonable at all times. "You joke, but are you aware of what could happen, Spock?" he asked, his voice softening. "You could lose your rank over this. You can be dishonorably discharged." Pike expected some of kind reaction from the Vulcan, but there was nothing. Where there was once life and a sense of curiosity behind his eyes, there was only cold and a sense of defeat. "Spock?"

Spock didn't answer right away. Then the look of defeat was gone and replaced by a Vulcan glare that could put fear into anyone. "If that is the price, then I accept it."

"No regrets?"

"None. I saved lives."

There was the answer. Pike now realized what this was about, because he could see a bit of James Kirk in Spock's eyes. This was all about Jim, and the Admiral felt his heart drop. It was always about Jim. "Spock." He uttered. His voice was almost too soft for anyone to hear.

"Who decides my fate?" Spock asked, not missing a beat.

Christopher couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was as if Spock had just given up living. Pushing up against the desk, he stood and stepped toward the Vulcan. If it had been anyone besides Spock, he would have placed a comforting hand on the Officer's shoulder. "This is about Jim, isn't it?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Unable to hide it from the Admiral's watchful eyes, tension rose in Spock's shoulders. "I fail to see how this has anything to do with Captain Kirk."

"Your actions are exactly what Jim would have done."

Spock's eyes drilled into him. "I fail to see how that is important?"

Pike knew Spock was just as bad as Jim when it came to admitting anything. They were both stubborn as bulls who would never admit it. It made him wonder how the hell those two were ever in a relationship to begin with. Seriously, how the hell did those two work together? He doubted that Jim ever listened to Spock in or out of the bed…. Nope, he thought. He did not want that image in his head. Jim was a son to him, and as any parent would, he didn't want to imagine his 'child' having sex with anyone. "Come on! You can't tell me that Jim leaving hasn't affected you. You can't tell me that you're coping, because I can see how hard this is for you."

The Commander's eye twitched. "If you do not believe I can perform my duties, then I will resign right now, Admiral."

This was not how Christopher imagined this conversion would go. He didn't want to lose Spock as First Officer, but it couldn't keep going on like this. "That isn't it, Spock, and you know it."

"Do I?"

Pike let out a sigh. "You know I care about you, right? I care what happens to you." He may not have been as close to Spock as Jim had been, but it didn't mean he was any less important.

Spock's eyes narrowed at him. "What will be my fate?" he asked.

This conversion was driving the Admiral insane. "There will be a special tribunal, but I am not aware of what else." The Vulcan nodded as he turned toward the door without saying a word. It drove Pike farther up a wall, because there was nothing that he could do. "You can talk to me. I know how it feels to lose someone. I-"

Spock froze, but he didn't turn back to the Admiral. His shoulders were stiff and his indifference turned to anger. "I beg your pardon, Admiral," he sneered, as he tried to keep his demeanor. "It seems like you and everyone else will never understand what Captain Kirk means to me. He is not another person, and what happened is not as simple as losing someone. He is my T'hy'la. He is my other half. He completes me. Even now, separated by different ships, space, and Jim's anger, my katra still calls to him. My entire being needs him, and yet, I cannot have him. You do not, cannot, understand how that feels, especially when I have no one else to blame besides myself."

Pike stared at him, unable to find his voice. What the hell just happened? Did Spock just admit to feeling something? Did he just reveal what was going on in his head? However, before the Admiral could say anything, the Vulcan left without another word. How was he supposed to respond to that? How was he supposed to help Spock get over this? He wasn't sure, but his First Officer had dug himself a huge hole that Pike wasn't sure he would save him from.

*O*O*

Despite being in excruciating pain, Jim was smiling as the Providence was pushed free of the gravitational pull. His relief was short-lived as now they could only use impulse power to get back to Earth. Usually, it would take seven hours to get to this sector, but now it would take days, eight if they were lucky, to get home. To make matters worse, the ship had taken some damage from the exploding cores as they ejected them. While the damage wasn't enough to completely disable the ship, they were now vulnerable if they ran into any hostile ship. Shields were at seventy percent, phasers were down, and only half their torpedo tubes were functional. However, Jim knew he should be counting his blessings that Saavik and Scotty kept the disruption to the cores. Life support systems were all functioning, while replicators and air refreshers were at optimal levels.

He checked another list. Water and sewage systems are functional, that's a plus. Jim thought as he ran down the list. We'll have to conserve energy everywhere we can. Jim knew what that meant. The rec rooms and holodecks will have to remain offline. The exercise and strength training rooms will have to be closed. Lights in some areas would have to be turned off. He sent a message to Scotty to start designating crew members for repair work.

Jim bit down on his lips as he got to his feet. He knew he should go see McCoy, but with some of the people from the station still waiting to be examined, he wasn't going to go down and skip the line. He was going to wait until everyone, including his own crew, was checked before he made his way down to the Medical Bay. Plus, he had to check in with Saavik and Scotty. His new First Officer had mentioned that he wanted to show him something.

"Chekov, you have the Conn," Jim said, leaning against the Captain's Chair. He could feel something warm run down his side as he stood, and it didn't take a genius to know what it was. Even in his haze, he knew it was blood. The wounds were now actively bleeding. He could feel the blisters from the burns had opened. He could feel each individual burn and cut rubbing against the material of his clothes.

"Yes, Kaptain," the Russian replied. His eyes were studying his Captain.

Jim nodded as he turned to the lift. Damn it all, he thought as he forced himself to walk. How the hell did he get this injured? Yes, he knew he had been frequently injured on missions, but Bones was always there to immediately start treatment. Now this time it was different. Since he had taken that first step off the transporter pad and felt the first wave of pain, his entire body felt like he was going to die at any second.

When Jim entered the lift, he leaned his head against the cold wall as his hand went to his side. He groaned at the sudden pressure and almost immediately withdrew his hand. He could see the large amount of blood on his hand, and if it wasn't for the black undershirt, he was sure everyone would have noticed it. He knew his crew would have freaked if they had seen the severity of his injuries. The focus would have been taken off saving the ship to make sure he had been treated. This was his new ship. This was his new crew. He had been determined to save both, and if it required him fighting the pain and waiting to see McCoy, then so be it.

With a deep sigh, Jim forced himself out of the lift and made his way to the Engineering room. Keeping his head up, he walked down the hall, and though he put a smile on, he made sure to avoid looking at anyone in the face. He had no doubt that his pain was visible to anyone who looked hard enough.

Just as the doors to Engineering came into view, Jim stumbled to the side of the hallway and fell hard against the curved wall. Biting his lips and clenching his jaw, he found himself unable to push away from the wall. Every attempt failed, leaving blood smears in the shape of hands on the crisp white walls. He could barely move his arms, and soon, it was only the wall that was keeping him up. The lights blurred together, and he felt something rise to the back of his throat. "Fuck," he thought to himself, staring at the hand print on the wall. Maybe he should have gone to see Bones before making his way down the hall.

Now, he was completely alone, bleeding out, and he had no one to blame but himself. This was why Spock was always so mad, because he always did stupid shit like this. The Vulcan knew there was a high chance he would be injured on a mission and would always stop him from pushing himself this hard. Now, he wasn't here to do it anymore. There was no one here to watch him like that Vulcan did, and Jim was starting to wonder if that was a bad thing. I don't need a babysitter…or maybe you do. He thought, fighting with himself.

With his back to the wall, Jim slid down the wall to the floor, leaving a blood trail. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He was an idiot. Why did he push himself like this? Bones could have patched him up in no time, but instead he had gone immediately to the bridge. Why? He kept telling himself that he was needed on there because he was the Captain. However, all he-

"Captain!"

Jim slowly opened his eyes as he forced himself to look up. In front of him was Saavik, and at that moment, she was most beautiful thing in the universe. He didn't know what it was, but he couldn't look away from her. "Saavik."

Her dark eyes drilled into him, staring him down. "What were you thinking?" she asked. Her voice was calm, but he could sense something else was there.

She had the same tone that Spock had whenever he found him in a state like this. He needed that. "How's my ship?"

Her hands hovered above him for a few seconds before she placed it on his shoulders. "Despite recent events, the ship is running at optimum levels. Let-"

Jim tried to put on a big smile, as if Saavik couldn't see the blood on the walls. "Good job, Saavik," he replied, as he shakenly rested a hand on her forearm. His head felt dizzy, but he couldn't stop smiling at her. Why shouldn't he be smiling? What was wrong with smiling at her? She was that voice of reason in his head that he needed.

Saavik's eyes dropped down to the hand on her arms before she glanced back Jim. "You have lost a lot of blood, Captain," she replied. "I need to alert Doctor McCoy."

"No," he uttered, though he wondered why he said that. Maybe, he just wanted to stay like this with her?

Her hand gave Jim's shoulder a squeeze as her other hand reached for the communicator in her hand. "I understand, Captain." She said, her voice suddenly turning soft. "However, you are not thinking clearly. I need to alert, Doctor McCoy. Your health is vital to the running of this ship."

That was what….What was his name again? Jim wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't even sure if he was still on the Providence. "Just to the ship?"

Her lips twitched as she looked to him. "No, Jim."

Jim felt his heart race as she put the communicator to her lips. He couldn't hear what she was saying, but when she flipped it closed and put it away, he could spot the worry on her face. Wasn't she Vulcan? Wasn't she supposed to stay focused at all times?

Before he could think about it anymore, he felt another hand on his shoulder. He was barely able to look over to see a worried Scottish man. Jim had never seen Scotty look so worried. He didn't understand why any of them were worried. The pain wasn't as bad anymore. He could hardly feel it now. As darkness closed in around his eyes, he could vaguely hear the voice of the Chief Engineer screaming at him. Two sets of strong arms wrapped around him as everything went black a few moments later.

Author Note:

OH shit. Jim. Maybe, you should have gone to see Bones.

And it seems like he is looking at Saavik weird.

until Next time.