Hello all,

Once more, i do not make any money off this crap. This is your New Years Present.

Review. Let me know what you think!

Reminder: if you see this _(O(O)O)_, it means flashback time.

Chapter 9:

The Past is the Past

Kirk took a deep breath, attempting to ignore the intense fragrance rolling off his First Officer like a heavy fog. It was like he was floating in Spock, soaking him to the bones. Memories were flashing before Jim's eyes, and he was finding himself experiencing memories that he had long forgotten. He couldn't stop his eyes from closing and basking in it. God, he missed those times. Shit, he thrived in fond glances that were meant only for him. Was the Vulcan doing this on purpose? The past was the past, Kirk. "Everything looking good, Mr. Spock?" Jim asked, forcing himself to look forward.

Spock's eyes were glued to the PADD. "Everything is in order, Captain. I just need to check something out regarding Lieutenant Carol Wallace, Captain."

Fighting a losing battle, Jim turned and met Spock's eyes. His heart skipped, and his breath got stuck in his throat. Time had stopped, as everyone disappeared. The fondness and affection in Spock's eyes may have been missed by anyone else not trained in the ways of the Spock (which was the entire crew minus Uhura), but it was there, shining like a hot sun blinding anyone who stared too long. Jim would be remiss to deny how the stare got under his skin, warming his chest. No one had ever looked at like that, like he was the most important person in the universe. Like he was worth everything. John, the bastard that he was, never looked at Jim like that. Yes, there was heat behind those cold blue eyes, and warmth but there was no… No… Jim didn't know how describe it. It was just different.

At first, Kirk didn't notice it, didn't realize it, but looking at Spock, it hit him like a ton of bricks. Jim may only admit it to Bones, but Jim felt invincible in his eyes, even if it sent chills down his spine. It was unnerving how much faith this Vulcan had in him. It was also painful. God, it had been over a year, and yet, he still couldn't get those cold eyes out of his head. Those eyes cut him to the core, especially compared to the eyes he was getting now. Jim shook his head, breaking the eye contact with Spock. "Very well, Mr. Spock."

Spock folded his arms behind his back, tucking the PADD between his arms and his back. "I shall be back shortly." His eyes lingered on Jim for second before he turned to the door.

His heart beating in his ear, Jim wished he could say that he didn't turn to watch Spock leave, but he did. The Captain's chair twisted slightly before following the Vulcan with his eyes. Before he knew what he was doing, his eyes dropped from the back of Spock's head to his behind, lingering a tad too long on the Vulcan's round ass. Old habits he blamed it on. Even before Spock and he were together, Jim would always watch him leave, his eyes dropping south before he even realized it. Jim was an ass man no matter the gender; he would always be an ass man. Just like before, a few eyes caught him in the act. Two women specifically, each spotting different expressions. He shot Uhura and Saavik a look, ignoring the knowing grin on Uhura's face. Facing forward, Jim ignored his heart beating in his chest. "Need Help, Uhura?"

"Not at all, Captain."

_(O(O)O)_

Jim hardcore glared at the ceiling, ignoring the intense heat to his right. His heart pounding against his ribs, his chest ached. His chest felt like someone was sitting on him. His blood rushed to his ears, roaring insults in his head. On fire from the bottom of his feet to the top of his head, he craved to kick off the thin blanket, but considering that he was naked, he decided against it. His body felt foreign to him, like it wasn't his, and he wanted nothing more than to cover up. So, kicking off the covers would be counterproductive, especially with John laying equally naked beside him. Unlike Jim, the Commander was on the top of the blankets and on show to the world—not that there was anyone else to see the man.

"I can hear you overthinking, Kirk." Came John's response. "Stop it."

He titled his head slightly, keeping his eyes glued to the side of John's face. Jim didn't have any misconstruction to begin with that John wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but this sealed the deal. There was not one ounce of fat on the man, which was a bit unfair. Jim wasn't chop liver, but man, he didn't look like that even with countless hours at the gym. John's abs had abs for crying out loud, and Jim hated the man for it. No one should look at good. No one. "I'm not." He said, his voice creaking. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to cry.

John turned his eye head, his eyes meeting Jim's. "It is fine. There is no judgement here, Jim."

Jim forced himself to take a deep breath, as he searched John's eyes. He didn't see any sort of judgement in John's eyes, though it didn't mean there wasn't. Jim was tempted to pick at it, because no one was like this, right? Stop it, he yelled at himself. John was right. He was reading too much into this. Maybe, if he was in sane in the mind, he would see this, but he was too deep in his own head. Feelings of Self-anger and self-hate filled him, and he couldn't get out of the toxic maze that formed in his head. How the fuck was he here? Here?! What was wrong with him? Someone had to be laughing at him. He closed his eyes, trying to replay some of his sessions with Dr. Jones in his head. When that didn't work, he repeated the words 'there is nothing wrong with you' in his head.

"Can I touch you?" John asked, his hand itching toward Jim.

"What?" Jim said, flinching slightly from John's hand. He forced himself still the second he realized it, and he hated himself even more. Then again, he hated this whole night. When John had invited him over, Jim knew it would lead to this. He wasn't stupid. Heck, he was daydreaming about sex all day, especially after the kiss John had given him. His legs tingled just thinking about it. Jim was ready to wrap his legs around John and climb him like tree. He was ready for some 'fun' times, considering it had been… wait? Had it really been that long? A year? Okay, Jim didn't remember exactly how long it had been. The last had been with Spock... No! He wasn't counting Selean, even if that was the last 'thing' to touch him—not counting his hand.

While Jim was nervous, he was excited, wanting—needing to feel John's hands on him. He wanted to feel John's warm flesh against his. He wanted to feel the feather touch of John's lips along his neck and his chest. He dreamed about that tongue, but yet, here they were. He was okay when John directed him to the bed with his steady hands. He was okay when they started to rip off their clothes off piece by piece. He was okay when John pressed his scorching lips to his neck, working his way to his lips. All of that was okay, more than okay. Jim was purring. Yet, Jim freaked out the second a naked John pushed him on the bed and climbed over him. Jim couldn't get away fast enough, his heart pounding against his ribs. Seconds later after rolling away from John, Jim froze in panic, as he realized what he was doing. Like a mortified child, he ducked under blanket and attempted to hide away from the beautiful man.

"Can I touch you?" John repeated, softly.

"Why do you keep asking me that?" He snapped, as he pushed away from John. An unwelcoming feeling bubbled up inside Jim's stomach.

John retracted his hand and propped himself up on his elbow. His soft blues eyes met Jim's bright eyes, tears threating to fall. "It is your body, James. You get to decide who touches you. You get to decide how far you want to go. You get to decide how fast you want to go. Do not feel guilty for that. Do not be ashamed to say no."

Jim's mind spun, white flashing behind his eyes. "You know." Suddenly, the room was hot. Too hot. Scotching, really, and Jim needed to get out of here. Forgetting his naked form for a second, he leaped out of bed. Frantically, he glanced around the room for his clothes. His jaw locked in place, annoyed how his clothes were scattered across the room in no particular pattern. Whose bright idea was that? Jim thought that only happened in the movies. Apparently not. His mind flashed to Spock and what he would say: 'How illogical?' At the moment, Jim had to agree. "I gotta go." His words felt like ash on his tongue.

"Jim," John called, watching Jim collected his things.

"H-How do you know?" Jim asked, his voice cracking. He kept his back to John, as he tried to slow his breathing.

Sitting completely up, John's eyes drilled into Jim's upper back. "You have nothing to be—"

"How do you know?!" Jim hissed, finally finding his boxers under a chair in the corner. God, what must John be thinking? That he was weak? "Never mind. Doesn't matter."

Something flashed behind John's eyes for a second before he masked it with a smile. "Jim," he said as softly as he could. He scooted to Jim's side of the bed and kicked his legs over. Paying no attention to his naked form, he got to his feet and crossed to Jim, though making sure to keep a few feet between them. "Jim," he repeated, firmly.

Hopping into his boxers, Jim ignored John. His eyes scanned the room for his pants, his heart still beating in his ear. He spotted them by the bedroom door. His shirt, inside out, was over a lamp, while his socks and shoes lined the hallway. He didn't see his coat, but he supposed it was by the front door.

"Jim," John called once more. "It's okay."

He paused, peaking over his shoulder at the Commander. He allowed himself a second of eye contact before drifting down. John made no motion to cover up and stood there, perfectly content in his skin. "No, it isn't," he shot back. He knew he was overreacting. Knew he was blowing this out of portions, but he couldn't calm down. His nerves were on fire and he couldn't get himself to stop flashing back to those horrible memories bubbling in his chest. "I'm going to go."

John stared at the young Captain, watching the panic unfold on his face. "Okay." He paused as he took another step toward Jim. He didn't raise his hand, but it twitched at his side. "But I am not going anywhere. I will be here, waiting for you when you are really."

With his shirt in hand, Jim froze. His heart, a hoard of horses in his ear. "Why?" he uttered. His throat itchy.

"Because you are worth it." Came John's response. He took another step closer. "Worth everything, Jim."

Jim's hand dropped, the shirt falling from his hand. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He closed his mouth. After a deep breath, he tried again. Once more, his words failed, and he just stood there in silence unable to speak. There was no way that Harrison was right? Right? He closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a few deep breaths. He knew he was overthinking. John may be a foot from him, but his breath was hot against Jim's neck, and it drowned everything else out. Maybe, John was right? Why lie? He had to be telling the truth, right? "Okay." He uttered, breathing in John's scent.

"Can I touch you?"

"Yes." Jim breathed. The answer even surprised Jim.

John, still naked, nodded, as he wrapped a warm arm around Jim's shoulder and gently pulled the blond back. Skin met skin. "Let's get to bed. Is that okay?" he asked gently.

Jim leaned back, bathing in the warmth rolling off John. Everything just disappeared as Jim wrapped himself in John's voice. "Just sleep."

"Yes, Captain."

_(O(O)O)_

"Damn it. Mister Sulu, time to our destination," Kirk cursed, after Chekov had informed him that the core had over heated and they had to perform an emergency stop.

Sulu didn't look back, his eyes scanning the readings on his screen. "Twenty minutes, sir. That's twenty minutes in enemy space we weren't counting on." No one commented on the tone in his voice.

Jim looked around, scanning bridge. Spock had yet to return. "All right, we'd better hop to it." He got to his feet, pretending the shake in his legs wasn't there. "Where's Spock?" He asked.

"Here, Captain." Spock announced, stepping onto the Bridge. His hair was slightly out of place, and he looked somewhat out of breath. He must've run the entire way back. Jim would have called him out of breath if he wasn't a Vulcan.

Jim allowed Spock to step within a few feet of him. His mind wandering, he just stared at his temporary First Officer. His silence had drawn the entire Bridge's attention, and almost every eye was on the stilled Captain, including Saavik. Jim could feel their eyes, pealing him back like an onion, and there was no denying the itch growing under his skin. It was triggering something Jim would much rather bury. "I will take a team down to Qo'noS and bring Harrison back. Spock, you have the con."

"No," Spock objected, sternly and firmly. "I will accompany you."

A few choice words popped into Jim's head and it took everything he had to shove them back down his throat. He did not need to start a fight on the bridge. "No, I need you here."

"Lieutenant Saavik is a competent science officer. I am not needed on the Enterprise."

Jim didn't need to look at Saavik to see the Vulcan glare on her face. She would deny it like all Vulcans would. However, he knew her well enough to know she detested the word 'competent.' "Saavik is more than competent. Exceedingly so."

"I have no doubt." He paused, glancing at Saavik for a second before returning his glance to Jim. "Is Lieutenant Sulu not capable?" Spock asked, his voice smooth. "It would serve you well to have me at your side. Do I need to recall the number of times I have saved your life on away mission?"

Jim forced himself to take a deep breath. There was no sensible reason to not bring Spock, especially when there was a chance they would run into Klingons. In fact, it would be foolish to not bring the Vulcan, a Vulcan 3 times strength of an average human. Yet, panic flooded him at the thought of Harrison and Spock coming face to face. Why? Jim couldn't explain beside to say that he felt dirty. Harrison gave him something back, and it felt tainted now. Like a part of him was poisoned, and he hated that. He down right hated that. It brought forth memories he wanted to forget. He refused to go back, even if it killed him.

But to leave Spock behind? Even if Jim didn't trust Spock personally, he trusted his professionally, and there was nothing that Spock wouldn't do for him. Spock would jump off a cliff for Jim—Well, after he stated how illogical it was. The Vulcan would rant—logically—about it for a while before he jumped, but he would do it. Much like how he disobeyed Pike because it was something Jim would do. If asked, Spock would provide a rational, logical reason, no matter what Pike or Jim said. Yet, Jim was worried. Worry wasn't a strong enough word. Anxious that the combination of Harrison and Spock would explode the universe as he saw it. He didn't know what Harrison would do. Heck, he didn't know who Harrison was. Harrison wasn't the sweet John that Jim knew. He was a monster. This was-

"Jim." Bones called, noticing the panic from a mile away.

Shit, Bones is here? When did Bones get here? Jim thought, his surprise written on his face when he turned to his best friend. With one glance, Bones saw it all.

"Captain," Spock spoke, drawing Jim's attention back to him. There was now a soft tone in his voice.

Jim forced a pained smile to his face. "Fine, you're coming with me to Qo'noS. Happy?" he asked.

"Happy, Captain?" Spock stated, something just behind his eyes. "That would be an emotion, which Vulcan do not have. It is simply my duty to ensure your safety."

Bullshit. And everyone knew it. Jim's hands balled; he wanted to scream. 'Where was this concern when I was drowning in my guilt?' he wanted to ask, to scream, but he pushed that way down. He thought he was over this, which infuriated him. This anger was pointless. It was all pointless. It wouldn't change anything. He knew Spock regretted his actions and would take everything back in a Vulcan heartbeat if he could. The entire crew would, but it was too late for it… Yet… He let out a deep sigh, as he looked into Vulcan's chocolate eyes. He couldn't push back this warmth in his chest.

Shaking his head and releasing his fists, he turned to Uhura. She still bugged the crap out of him, but he was going to try. "Lieutenant, how's your Klingon?" Jim forcefully asked, as he crossed to her. Spock followed.

If Uhura was surprised, she didn't show it. "It's rusty, but it's good. toHq, a'Niq?"

"Good, you're coming too." Jim paused, glancing to Spock. "This isn't going to be a problem, is it? Us three working together?" he asked. He wasn't sure what to expect of Uhura, considering the number of timesshe yelled at him over Spock. Jim did pull through at the last second with the last 'lecture' and kept Spock from getting discharged.

"Absolutely not." She said, while Spock replied, "No issue." Uhura gave them both a nod and a light smile and headed to the door. She lingered a second before she disappeared.

Spock didn't move, kept his glance on Jim. "Captain."

"I'll meet you in the shuttle bay." Jim replied, avoiding Spock's stare. The Vulcan's eyes would not leave his Captain, and Jim knew he was itching to talk to him. Yet, the Vulcan left after a few seconds of silence and a nod.

"Captain." Saavik called as she stood. "A word?"

Jim crossed the bridge to the Vulcan, ignoring the very pointed look from his Best Friend. "Yea?" he asked as leaned against her station (Or Spock's station bringing up more memories).

Saavik kept her voice low so only Jim could hear. "Are you sure of your away team, Captain?"

He didn't answer her right away, just staring into her eyes. As a Captain, he didn't have time for his personal shit. When he was wearing the command gold, he had a job to do. "Yes. There is no better team." As much as he hated to admit it, it was true. It made sense if he thought of it. How did he not see this before? Spock and he made an amazing team. It got messed up when they pushed their relationship into something it wasn't meant to be. His feelings be damned. No, scratch that. He did not have lingering feelings for his ex.

"I would also express my interest in joining the away team." She stated, stepping a foot closer.

Jim's hands balled slightly at his side, hit by the sweet aroma rolling off her. Why did Vulcans smell good? "As much as I would like that, you're needed on Enterprise. Ensign Chekov and The Chief Engineer," What was his name again? "May need your help with the core. We will need to up and running." He said, capping a soft hand on her shoulder.

"Jim." Bones called loudly.

The Captain turned from Saavik, missing the open expression of her normal stoic face. "Yea, Bones?" he said, stepping from the Vulcan.

Bones, annoyance glued on his face, grumbled, "you're not actually going down there, are you? You don't rob a bank when the getaway car has a flat tire." He pointedly ignored Saavik, who was eyeing the both of them.

Kirk, his skin itching, activated the intercom on the Captain's chair. "I'm sure Engineering will have us all patched up by the time we get back. Isn't that right, Mister Chekov?" he stated. He had no doubt between Saavik, Chekov and the Enterprise's Chief Engineer they would get it done.

"Yes, Kaptain. I'll do my best, sir." Chekov answered.

After ending the transmission with Engineering, he gave Sulu the conn and told him to bluff. Once more, Bones was not happy, complaining with some colorful metaphors of his. For a second, Jim couldn't help but wonder if Bones only knew how to speak using metaphors. But was Bones right? Fucken Harrison knew Jim would be coming after him. Was there any buffing the man? Jim wasn't sure, but he had faith in Sulu.

*O*O*

Jim was doing his best, but he didn't have any interest in being trapped with Uhura and Spock. Maybe, he should've listened to Saavik. He should've brought her and left one of these idiots behind. No bad Jim, he yelled at himself. They were a good team, even if he struggled to remember it. It was just hard when you could cut the tension with a sword. Yes, a fucken sword. Uhura was clearly not happy, having a heated whispered argument with Spock, and Spock, though he would not admit it, was equally unhappy. Jim wasn't sure what they were talking about, but it was none of his concern. Granted, if the looks Uhura was sending him were to judge, it was about him.

"We will arrive at Harrison's location in three minutes, Captain. it is unlikely that he will come willingly. I calculate the odds of him attempting to kill us at 91.6%." Spock stated, glancing toward Jim.

Jim's jaw locked, his hand tightening around the controls of the K'normian ship. A memory forced its way forward, and he found himself unable to push it back. As if it was happening again, Harrison pinned Jim against the wall and 'attacked' him with his lips. His breath was hot against Jim's skin, as he promised the man that he would never hurt him. Promised to destroy anyone who dared to. His hands, working their way under his Professor unfirms, touched every part of Jim. He only paused when he placed a hot kiss to Jim's lips. It-

"I am sorry, Lieutenant. I could not hear what you said." Spock said, thankfully interrupting Jim's thoughts.

Uhura glanced toward Kirk. "Oh, I didn't say anything." She paused, watching the tension in his shoulders. "Actually, I'd be happy if you and Kirk made up."

The memory forgotten; Jim groaned loudly. Once more he was asking himself why did he bring these two. Oh, yea. Spock was going to throw him over his shoulder if he didn't. "Not now." He hissed.

"If not now, then when?" Uhura asked. "As soon as this is over, you will be off with the wind, Captain."

He wanted to argue that Uhura was wrong, but was she? Jim had seen the look in Spock's eyes. Seen the fondness in his Ex-lover's eyes when he looked at him. Spock was going to fight while he ran. Why didn't he see they didn't work? They made a better team than couple. Jim was finally seeing it. No, he knew that before, but Spock talked him into it. Jim was just relearning it. "Are you… Are you really gonna do this right now?"

"You'd prefer not to discuss this at all," Uhura replied, hastily. "You would rather run than admit the truth."

Admit what? She should admit it, not him. He should let this go, but he found that harder said than done. "Which is what, Lieutenant?" Jim asked, cynically.

"I saw the expression on the bridge as you watched Spock leave." She paused for second. Spock glancing over his shoulder at that. "I get it. I really do, and for that, I hate the part I played with this. I'm-"

"I'm passed that, Uhura." Jim interrupted. "I don't have time to be angry at you." He may not have gotten over his anger completely, but he wasn't lying. He didn't have time for it.

Uhura glanced over her shoulder at Jim. "Are you really? And what about Spock? You came rushing to his defense like a bat out of hell. Can you say that you don't love him?"

Spock twitched, returning his glance to the panel in front of him. "Lieutenant, cease. I would prefer to discuss this in private with the Captain."

"We were a great team. Nothing else." Jim snapped, anger and exhaustion bubbling through his voice.

Uhura didn't let Jim's tone stop her. "At that volcano, Spock didn't give a thought to him. He didn't care about anything but you, Kirk. He was about to die, but it was about you. He was ready to die in some sort of a love letter to you, and you say nothing. Are you so over Spock that his death would mean nothing?"

Kirk's jaw locked in place. He was too emotionally fried to deal with this. After Harrison's betrayal and Pike's almost death, he didn't have anything else to give. He could admit that something once forgotten had bubbled inside of him, bringing up memories that Jim loved, but that was the past. The past was the past, and he didn't have the time to relive the past. Harrison had almost killed Pike. Jim was risking everything- his career, his future—to bring this man in. That was all that matter right now. Again, his feelings be damn.

"Lieutenant, cease." Spock demanded. "It is not your place."

Uhura glared over her shoulder. "I'm just as mad at you, Spock. You didn't care what your death would do to me, to the crew or even Kirk. You didn't care." She paused for only a second. "This is unacceptable. You two need to get over it and realize how stupid you both are!"

Spock was brutally and inhumanly stiff. "You will cease, Lieutenant Uhura." His tone could put all Vulcans to shame, even Jim could feel the chill run down his spine. "Captain Kirk and I are your commanding Officers. This line of conversion is unacceptable and inexcusable."

Jim was silently thanking whoever was 'upstairs' that they had not been stumbled upon yet by anyone because his hands were shaking. He was surprised Spock hadn't demanded that he hand over the controls, which hurt more than it should. That wouldn't sat easy with Jim.

Uhura glanced to Jim, her eyes dropping to his hands. "Kirk, you never answered. Would you have cared if Spock died?"

"Uhura, enough," Spock demanded. "I will-"

"Yes," came Jim's shaky response, stunning both Spock and Uhura. A universe without Spock was a universe Jim didn't want to live in. He knew it in his bones, the thought shaking him to his core. "I would care. I do care…" He kept his eyes forward. "I care a lot. More than…" The word 'love' bounced around in his head, and Jim couldn't get it out, even though it pained him. "I can't deal with this now. I just can't. Please." Pike's batter, blood body with Harrison standing over him flashed before Jim's eyes, a well delivered shot for a gut. "Can w-we drop this?" Against his better judgement, Jim closed his eyes for a second, letting out a deep pained exhale.

Uhura's expression fell as if she realized she may have pushed it too far. "Kirk."

Spock turned forward. "If I may add- The Vulcan never got to finish what he was about to see as they were fired upon.

"What the hell was that?" Jim asked, dodging the incoming assault.

"We are being pursued by a D-4 class Klingon vessel." Spock answered.

"I thought this sector was abandoned!" With that, their prior conversion was forgotten, not that Jim could.

*O*O*

There was no good way to explain what had happened; hellfire was the only way that Jim could think to describe it if pushed, especially when a large Klingon had slammed him to the ground. Pain shot through him, stars dancing across his vision. Suddenly, the volume was turned up, and it was hard to even think. Explosion erupted around him, Klingon's ships falling to the ground. Tried and exhausted, Jim, still facing an angry Klingon, had no idea of where the shots came from, and he couldn't spare a second to look. Two Klingons now hovered over him, each striking at him with their fists. Being unmatched in both numbers and strength, Jim couldn't do nothing to defend himself. His arms were in front of his face, trying to block the blows, but he felt everything.

After a well-placed kick nailed Jim in the side (him gasping for air), a cloaked figure fired and killing the two Klingons hovering over him. Blood pooled beneath the Klingons as Jim let out a loud, pained cry. Within seconds, the pinkish blood inched toward him and Jim rolled to his side with a futile attempt to get up. Agony shot through him, blinding him for a second. Through the black spots, he only spared a glance to his savior before his attention was forced back to the thumping pain in his side. The blood from the Klingon finally reached Jim, but his head was already spinning, and he coul barely acknowledge it. Barely acknowledge the warmth that soaked into his clothes. The roaring in his ears was just that. A roaring in his ear, drowning out anything and everything.

"Kirk!" Uhura yelled, her shaky hands startling him back to reality. "Get up!" she yelled. There was an urgency in her voice that startled Jim. She yanked at him, trying to get him to his feet. "Kirk, move!" Jim was a rock, and no matter how hard Uhura pulled, Jim did not move.

It wasn't like Jim didn't want to move, but everything was fuzzy, and his brain shorted when he tried. Maybe, it was the blows to the stomach that did Jim in. Maybe, it was the blood pouring down his face. Not the Klingons' blood but his own, clouding his vison. His head was pound, taking one too many blows to the head from a phaser. He was clear enough to know there was a storm raining down upon them, just not clear enough to move. "U-Uhura," he called out, hurting to speak.

"Get up," she ordered, pulling at his shirt. "Get up!" Klingons' fire echoed above them as more reinforcement poured down. The Masker fucker picked them off like they were nothing, which sent more debris in the air. It was like bullets as gravity brought it back down.

Again, Jim wanted to move. He was begging his legs to move, especially when the masked figure revealed himself to be Harrison. Jim, giving the mission, shouldn't be surprised that the masked man turned out to be Harrison. Granted, it left him wonder why he saved them. Fury bellowed deep inside him, ready to blow out his knees—not that he was even standing. "Uhura," he called out again, ignoring the ruff aura rolling off the woman.

"Spock!" Uhura suddenly called, her hands still pulling at Jim's shirt.

As if by magic, Spock was at Jim's side, his hands wandering over every inch of his body. Before, Spock would avoid skin contact, but now, he touched every part of Jim he would get his hand on. "No major lacerations. Bruising along his ribs. A deep cut to the forehead. A probable concussion," He said, his eyes scanning the surrounding areas. "I need you to stand, Captain." Jim still didn't stand. "Jim," he spoke when Jim didn't respond.

Uhura's eyes were large. "Spock." Spock spared her glance before he yanked Jim to feet and dragged him away. While dodging fly rocks and phaser blasts, he looked for cover. His grip was tight and unyielding.

Jim wiggled as Spock forced him to walk. "Spock," he uttered, looking up at the Vulcan. Spock's eyes were forward, looking for a place to hide his precious Captain.

Uhura pointed to a large stone column, directing Spock toward it. The Vulcan nearly threw the Captain behind it before he crossed back for a Klingon phaser rifle. The man, who hated violence, held it high, firing anything that came close to his Captain. "Down." He ordered, more like yelled at Uhura and Jim.

Uhura nodded, keeping any eye out for a weapon for herself. She had lost her knife somewhere along the way, and her phaser had long since been blasted from her hand. "Kirk?" she whispered, as she stared at the stilled Captain. He had not moved since Spock 'threw' him down. "Kirk." She was hovering over him like a concerned parent.

The Captain wasn't listening, wasn't paying attention to either Spock or Uhura. His eyes were on Harrison, who was taking out Klingons left and right. If Harrison hadn't tried to kill his 'father' and a good chuck of Starfleet officers—and broke his heart…No, SSSHH—Jim might have been turned on by it all. Murderer, Jim. Murderer. This man—if he was really human— tossed these Klingons like they were nothing, flicker them like mere ants. When he hopped, it was like he was flying, akin to some kind of Superman. Only two words popped into Jim's head: Holy Shit. Holy Shit. Anger aside, how the hell was they going to take this man in? This man took out an Klingons like they were nothing. Gliding through the air, John finished the rest of the Klingons with their own blades before approaching Kirk, Uhura and Spock.

Spock advanced forward, the phaser raised. In a move that Kirk always hated, he placed himself between the enemy and his Captain. "Stand down."

Harrison paid no attention to Spock, even with phaser aimed at him. "How many torpedoes?" He hissed, his eyes drilling into Jim's. The large gun was still in his hand.

Yet, Jim knew he would not fire, which pissed him off. What the hell was this? Was this some kind of sick game? Sure, Jim didn't want to be shot, but Harrison didn't need to spare him due to whatever fake love the monster held for him. Shit, no. Jim refused to allow himself to go down that path, and it took everything that he had not puke whatever was in his stomach, not that there was much. The last thing was the burrito that Saavik given him. Shit.

"Stand down!" Spock demanded, snapping Jim back to reality.

Harrison's eyes flickered to Spock, and the coldest look Jim had ever seen danced across this face. If Jim didn't already know that Harrison was a monster, he would've known from that stare. Without hesitation, the gun was shot out of Spock's hands to the surprise of Jim and Spock. "The torpedoes, the weapons you threatened me with in your message. How many are there?" he demanded, turning back to Jim. His eyes softened as they focused on Jim, who's stomach flopped.

Spock narrowed his eyes, something storming behind them. "Seventy-two."

A light switch was hit in Harrison. He threw down his rifle to Spock and stared at Jim. "I surrender."

Something in Harrison's voice caught Jim's attention, and he wanted to rip his throat out. How dare this man look at him like this? How dare he even look at him?! Finding a strength deep inside of him, Jim was on his feet. He limped and stumbled forward, his hands balling at his side. He ignored the pain that shot through him as he approached John. "On behalf of Christopher Pike, my friend, my F-father," he stated, teetering over the word, "I accept your surrender."

Harrison didn't say anything, just stared. His eyes were glued to Jim's electric blue, which pissed Jim off. All of that anger that he had roared inside of him and launched him forward. He could vaguely hear Spock call his name, but the Vulcan never lowered the weapon. Even if he did, Jim doubted that would've stopped him. He was blinded by his rage, his pain, his betrayal, his everything. He felt like a fool. An idiot really. This man played him, used him, and almost killed Pike. There was nothing that could make this better. Nothing that would make Jim feel anything else.

Kirk, his heart pounding, punched Harrison three or so times. He wasn't sure as he was lost in his emotions, but no matter what he threw at Harrison, the man did not fall. It was Jim who was about to fall over in exhaustion before Harrison even moved an inch. His hands ached, almost like he hit a brick wall. "I hate you," he uttered softly, his panting louder than his own words. "I hate you." Getting nothing out of the man, he sent a knees John's stomach, but like the punches, that did nothing. "I trusted you." A sob threatened to pop out.

Harrison, in silence, just watched Jim, eyeing his thumping chest. His hands were at his side, twitching.

"Captain!" Uhura screamed, watching as Jim swung with his left hand.

Kirk glanced back at her before returning his icily glare to Harrison. Blue eyes met blue, and Jim wanted to punch him again. Yet, his body didn't want to listen. It was like he was the one who had gotten his ass beaten, even if the man never threw a punch. Jim wobbled on his feet, his knees trembling, as he tried to stay upright.

Harrison reached a hand forward and gently gripped Jim's elbow. "Captain," he spoke as Jim's eyes just widened at the contact.

Spock stepped forward, anger flashing in his eyes. His Vulcan control was fading. "Remove your hand from the Captain."

Harrison turned ever so slowly to Spock with a callous gaze in his eyes. "Oh, Commander make me. I would love to see you try."

Apart of Jim just froze, the heat rolling off Harrison blanking him. Memories of John flooded him, and Jim wanted to slug the man in the hope of ridding himself of them, not that would do anything good. It was difficult to say the least to combine the two version of this man in his head. John had been caring and kind, providing Jim the time and space he needed; yet, Harrison was cold and cruel, killing an entire squad of Klingons single handedly.

"Release the Captain," Spock demanded, his cold voice startling Jim. For a man that preached peace, his hand was on the trigger, ready to end this man. A resounding 'No' filled Jim's head.

Kirk yanked his arm back and took a giant wobbly step back. No, he yelled in his head. He did not want this. "Cuff him." he ordered, ignoring the death glare the two men were giving the other. If he pretended it didn't exist, it didn't. He just needed to clear his head.

_(O(O)O)_

Jim's heart was pounding as he pressed his lips against John's. It was their second attempt at this. This being sex. The days following the first attempt, Jim didn't think there would be another, especially after he made an idiot of himself. He expected John to pronounce him too difficult, too much work, and kick him to the curb. Jim, though he hated himself for saying it, would dump someone who had as much damage as he had. Who wants a person who could bolt at any second? This was why he expected John to bolt, but the man did no such thing. Instead, he gave the Captain all the support he needed, not pushing in the least, and goddamn it, Jim fell a little more for the man.

This was how Jim ended up on the sofa in Harrison's apartment on his lap. John had been very careful, not to push or lead Jim into something he didn't want. Jim was grateful for this, but he was tired of waiting. Tired of not feeling like James Kirk. And shit, he was horny as hell. He wanted to feel John against him, wanted to feel the warmth of skin, and there was nothing wrong with that. So, during one of their movie nights, Jim took the lead and climbed into John's lap. John's eyes were glued to Jim, his hands remaining at his side until Jim had settled on his lap. No words were spoken as Jim leaned forward and pressed his lips to John's, and it took John's hands very little time to kick into action.

John pulled back slightly, communicating silently with Jim. With a nod of the head, John grabbed the bottom of Jim's shirt, pulling it up and over the blonde's head. He threw it aside with no care where of it landed. Before he could lean back, Jim pulled at John's shirt. In a frenzy haze, Jim yanked the shirt over John's head. Once it was off, he simply dropped it, allowing it to drift to the side. Horny and hot, Jim pressed his naked chest against John, rocking as he went. A moan escaped Jim's lips just from the motion. "Shit," he uttered, as he reached for the buckle of John's pants.

With a swift movement, John gently grabbed Jim's hand and held him tight. He asked, "Are you sure, James."

Jim's bright blue eyes were wide and blow. "Yes." He forcefully kissed him and rolled his hips.

A moaning John responded, biting Jim's bottom lip before pulling away. "What do you want to do? You are in charge, Captain," he added, as he begun to trace Jim's jaw with his lips.

"I want to ride you," Jim breathed out, tilting his head to the side and exposing his neck.

John trailed down to Jim's neck, sucking a light hickey to the base of his neck. "Whatever you want. I just want you, James. I want you in any way you will give me," he breathed heavy against Jim's neck. His hand wandered down Jim's back and into his pants.

Jim's breath hitched, bucking slightly as John's hands worked their way between his butt cheeks, pulling down his pants in the process. "I want y-you," he shuttered, slightly annoyed at how hot and nervous. He wasn't a blushing virgin, having lost count at how many people he had slept with. He should be goldened with this, but yet, he was bright red with a heart beating in super speed.

"You have me, Kirk." John covered Jim's lips with his own. "You have me."

*O*O*

The two men had not moved from the couch, basking in each other sweat and other 'things.' Jim knew they would be sticky if they did not clean themselves soon, but he was in heaven and couldn't find it in himself to move. John, spooning the Captain, had a firm and possessive arm around Jim's waist, holding him tight against him. He lined kisses to Jim's shoulder and neck, whispering sweet words as he went along. "You did perfect, James."

Jim resisted an eye roll at his full name; though, he could not stop the smile. "You're lucky you have an accent," Jim said, closing his eyes. "Only way you get away with calling me James."

John smiled into Jim's neck. "The only way, James?" he asked, wickedly.

"Shut up," Jim hissed, wiggling his ass against John.

"Do not tease me, Kirk," John warned.

Jim laughed as he did it again, ignoring the groan from his partner. The scared part of him was still there, but it was muted now, and he could feel nothing but this budding happiness in his chest. He couldn't wait to have sex again with this man. "What are you going to do about it?" he teased, looking over his shoulder.

John's eye brow went up. "You may regret those words."

No matter what John said, Jim did not regret those words. His ass may have been sore though.

_(O(O)O)_

Anyone who was anyone knew Leonard 'Bones' McCoy was protective of James T. Kirk. Extremely overprotective. Shit, there were tales along the crew to what Bones could and would do if someone looked Jim the wrong way. Scary stories. Granted, there were jokes about it too. Bones may deny them, but most of the stories were true. The good doctor could not help himself. Maybe it was the age difference between the two. Maybe, it was because Bones was a father. Maybe it was the fact that Jim had no one else in his corner (besides Pike). Whatever it was, there was no denying that Bones would hypo you if you even scratched Jim. Some may call a him a hypocrite considering how he treated Jim during the Dark Time, but Bones would spend the rest of his life making up for it.

This was why Bones was skeptical when Commander Harrison came into the picture. From conversions with Scotty and Chekov, he knew they hated the Commander, siting his large ego. So, Bones was going expecting that, and to be honest, Harrison did not disappoint. He was an arrogant son of the Bitch, and it was clear within seconds of speaking to him. Bones was ready to throw Harrison out on ass, but the second Harrison laid eyes on Jim, Jim blossomed, and any protest that Bones had flew out the window. If anyone made Jim that happy, Bones wouldn't stand in the way; though, Harrison got the mother of all shovel talks, which left Bones smiling afterward. Bones wasn't a sadist, but he would take great joy in hypoing him.

There were only two times that Bones was ready to rain hell down Harrison: Jim's first sleep over and their break up. Sure, not all relationship last, and Bones had no conviction this one would last with Jim still hung up on Spock, but it was out of left field. Completely out of left field. Bones wanted to hunt him down and beat shit out of the Commander, but that would mean leaving Jim and he wasn't going to do it. With the first 'sleepover,' Jim came back looking like someone had ran him over. Leonard's first thought was that Harrison forced Jim into a situation he wasn't ready for, and Bones found himself boiling. In full mama bear mode, the good Doctor was ready to cut the man. Jim quickly explained the issue, seeing the enraged expression on his best friend's face. After hearing it, Leonard supposed he couldn't be too angry. From how Jim explained it, it sounded like Harrison did everything right. Still, Bones didn't like him.

Yet with all of this, Bones was grateful to Harrison, as he brought Jim out of his shell. He opened Jim up to love, which Bones grateful for. However, that turned sour with the attack on Starfleet headquarters. One look at Jim, Bones knew it all. Knew there was a storm raging. It was one of the few times that he was generally scared of Jim. Of what he would do. Because of this, Leonard kept him close and refused to kick him out of Pike's hospital room when everyone else wanted him to. Jim couldn't be stupid if Bones was there to watch him. To keep an eye on him. Plus, Pike kept the young Captain stable.

When Admiral Marcus allowed Jim to take Enterprise, Bones had used every curse word in the book. It took everything in the Good Doctor not to march down to the Admiral's office and go all Southern on his ass. He would have if he knew he wouldn't have been separated from Jim and thrown in the brig. No way in hell was he going to leave Jim to chase Harrison without him. Not even a second after hearing this assignment, a bad feeling formed in his gut. If Bones was feeling like this, there was no telling how Jim was feeling. Jim, the idiot that he was, was keeping everything in, refusing to speak to anyone. If Spock wasn't right around the corner with his own sad puppy dog eyes, Bones would drag the blond into a room and lock him in. There was no telling what the Vulcan would do if he knew.

"Kirk to McCoy."

Jim's voice startled the Doctor. "Yea?"

"Bones, meet me in the brig."

Bones sighed, knowing exactly who was awaiting him in the brig. "Be right there." He closed his communicator and quickly made his way to brig. It took him all of 5 minutes to make it to the brig. Spock was standing as close to Jim as he possible could. If he was any close, he would've been holding Jim. Granted, that wasn't far from the truth now. Jim, even from here, looked unsteady on his feet mere seconds from falling over. There was no hiding the bruise forming on Jim's face and the dry blood that he tried to wipe away. It would be something Bones would-

"Good afternoon, Leonard." Harrison greeted, a smirk gracing his face.

Blood curling, Bones turned to Jim, observing the stiffness in the man, before he turned to face the murderer psychopath. The smile on Commander John Harrison's face turned Bones' blood cold. Only one word filled his mind: shit. Double shit. If Bones was feeling like this, there was no telling how Jim felt facing his ex-lover. "Hello, crazy psychopath."

The End for Now:

Just a few notes:

1) I got a few questions on why Marcus wanted a sex tape. I thought I give you a glue in the last chapter in the flashback. Maybe, it wasn't clear enough. It has something to do with the Salean and his father. Marcus blames Jim for ruining something as if he blamed him for being raped. Blackmailing Pike and Jim with it was just a bonus.

2) The scene with Jim and Khan will probably be the closest sex scene you will get. I suck at though kind of scenes LOL. haha, it was sweet, though?

3) With regards to Jim's feelings for Khan, this will and shall be a Spock/Jim in the end. It will simply be a journey to get there. Jim is struggling with his feelings with Spock, trying figure out what he feels. With Jim/Khan, it isn't as easy as we think it is. Khan, even though he was forced, gave Jim a gift, which is why he is conflicted. 'John' showed Jim a different picture than what he showed Scotty, Bones, and Chekov. He was nothing but understanding and kinda. That image is nothing like Khan. Jim will be lost in his head for awhile, as he tries to combine the two pictures.

Anyhow, until next time.