Hello!
I am sorry i am horrible at updating. I blame it on my writing habits. I keep trying to write from the sofa instead of my desk. The sofa does not help.
well, let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and i used lines from the Movie.
Chapter 10: Love and War
Khan may have been a prisoner aboard a Starship, but he was not worried in the least. No matter what face or mask Kirk put on, he would always be James, a kind hearted man with no cruel bone in his entire body. There was nothing that he could do to change Khan's mind. Kirk loved with his whole being, which both annoyed and excited Khan. It annoyed him because it was a weakness. Love was weakness, a weakness that would tear you down and rip you down Yet, it excited Khan in some odd way.
That innocence was rare, and he couldn't help but smirk. It would be fun to corrupt, exhilarating to blend that will under his control. Every now, that desire simmered under his skin, and Khan just wanted to pin James against the wall with his hands above his head. It was primatal, as was his anger at seeing James bloody and bruised. Specks of blood lined James' hair, and a heavy bruise was blooming around his eyes. If allowed to fester, it would most likely block the vision to his right eye, which was a crime if you ask Khan. Kirk's blue eyes were breathtaking. Not that Leonard would allow it. The Doctor followed Kirk around with a hypo, which was quite infuriating. There were countless times that Khan wanted to choke the man and hide his body in a ditch. This time, not so much. Seeing Jim's blue eyes dimmed peeved Khan.
McCoy had pulled Kirk to the side, shooting whispers at his Captain, as he scanned him quickly with the tricorder. Spock, rigid and stiff, sent them a side glance before he turned his harsh attention to Khan. Spock's anger, though he tried to suppress it, was bleeding out. If you asked Marcus, he would say that Khan thrived on manipulation and breaking people. He relished provoking people. He got off on it, and Khan could not deny this, not with Spock looking like his puppy (or whatever animal they had that planet he came from) was kicked.
Spock had stared to inquire about Khan's use of McCoy's first name, but Jim cut him off before he could finish, ordering 'Harrison' to shut the hell up. Dear old Leonard pulled Jim aside soon after in an attempt to calm him. It must've been the look in his best friend's eyes that compelled Jim to compel. With his superior hearing, he knew what was said, which meant Spock likely heard as well. There was no mention of Jim's and 'John's' past relationship, which had Khan's mind spinning. Oh, this will be fun. Khan had a Chester Cat smile as McCoy and Kirk broke apart.
McCoy, angry and grumpy as ever, crossed to the glass like forcefield and moved a circular device up to create a small opening. "Okay, Superman, put your arm through the hole. I'm going to take a blood sample," he instructed, his exasperation breaking through.
Khan complied, knowing what the tests would disclose about his blood. "Oh, Leonard, your bedside matters are appalling. I see they have not changed," he purred. McCoy didn't respond, as he grabbed Khan's arm. The Doctor, prompted by his anger, pulled roughly, but Khan did not flinch under McCoy's fury.
Spock's head cocked to the side, his expression hard, as he narrowed his eyes at Khan. Kirk's outburst before might have stopped the Vulcan previously, but it was clear that something was there. "By the use of Doctor McCoy's first name, it suggests a familiarity between you two. Have you met prior to his?"
Kirk froze, remaining deadly still. His hands balled at his side, his nails digging into his sweaty palms. "Oh, did James and Leonard not tell you?" Khan asked with a happy go lucky smile taking up half his face.
McCoy, though he would deny it later, bitterly jabbed Khan. "Hold Still."
Khan narrowed his eyes at McCoy. "Perhaps you are the ones that need to hold still, Doctor."
"Clarify your earlier statement," Spock ordered, ignoring McCoy's struggle.
With a shit grin, Khan turned his attention back to Spock. "Does it bother you, Commander? Bother you how well I know James and Leonard?" Was Khan getting too much joy out of this? Yes, but he didn't care for Commander Spock, causing his smugness to soar to an all-time high.
Before Spock could respond, Kirk stepped to the barrier, his eyes drilling into Khan. "I'm tired of your game," he hissed, his blue eyes blaring.
Anger could not dim the brilliant blues of Captain Kirk's eyes (his right eye looking better after McCoy's care), and Khan could not look away. Kirk's rage made them pop. They were beautiful and intoxicating. "Oh, you do not mean that." He stated, licking his lips. He pulled back his arm as McCoy sealed the hole in the forcefield.
"Cease this grating chatter," Spock demanded, his eyes drifting to Jim.
Khan's attention snapped to Spock. Tried as he might, he couldn't keep his anger from flashing. "I would like to see you try, Commander."
Kirk closed his eyes, cutting his blue eyes off from the world. "Spock, you're making it worse." He hissed, side glancing to his temporary First Office. "Stop it."
Khan let out a bone chilling laugh. Vulcans may say they have purged themselves of emotions, but that was the furthest thing from the truth. Spock went bone stiff and his expression was priceless. "Oh, this is fun."
"Enough!" Kirk snapped.
"I supposed we can get down to business, but I do love to play." Khan playfully whined. "Why aren't we moving, Captain? An unexpected malfunction, perhaps, in your warp core conveniently stranding you on the edge of Klingon space?" He rolled his tongue, stressing every world.
McCoy huffed. "How the hell do you know that?"
"Bones," Kirk uttered, both exhausted and annoyed. The young Captain was at the end of his ropes.
Khan drunk in Kirk's form. "I think you'd find my insight valuable, Captain." As stiff as the Captain was, Khan knew he had gotten to his former lover. God, he loved to press Kirk's buttons, loved to see him quiver under his touch. He loved the feeling of Kirk's skin against his. Khan wouldn't say that he loved Kirk, as love was a weakness, but there was a fondness that the Augment could not rid himself of. It made him a bit possessive over the man, and watching Commander Spock throw himself at Kirk enraged Khan. The Vulcan needed to keep his hands of what wasn't his.
Turning to the Doctor, Kirk, trying to suppress his anger, spoke, "We good?"
"Yeah." McCoy started, stepping toward his friend.
"Let me know what you find." Kirk requested as he turned to leave. Bones was gone without another word, while Spock silently followed behind his Captain.
Khan fought countless battles, watering the grass with blood. It was glorious; yet, watching Spock trail behind the Captain that he betrayed infuriated him, more so then he already was. "Ignore me and you will get everyone on this ship killed!" he yelled, his voice rising. Kirk twitched as he stopped suddenly. There it is, he thought, staring at Kirk's back.
Spock glanced at Khan before turning back to Kirk. "Captain," he stated, brief hesitation in his voice. "He will only continue to attempt to manipulate you. I would not recommend engaging the prisoner further."
"Give me a minute."
Khan smirked, putting this in a win column. James Kirk was his and he was going to show the world.
*O*O*
Jim, tried as he might, couldn't control or slow his breathing. His heart hammered against his rips and his lungs struggled agonizingly to expand. He was panicking. Panicking. "Give me a minute." He stated. He needed to get his First Officer out of here, before John revealed it all. Admiral Marcus' words were heavy on his shoulders: this whatever it was (the word: relationship tainted) could end his career. It could destroy him and everyone around him. Having already save Spock's career once in the last 48 hours, he would not risk it again.
"Captain." Spock's eyes drilled into Kirk's for a second, a silent plead hung between them.
"Go." Jim ordered, anything but kind. He rarely used this tone with Spock, even when the shit had hit the fan. The last time was when he told Spock that he would never again let him take care of him. Spock, in a completely Vulcan way, paraded off. After a few long seconds of silence, Jim turned, his teeth flashing. "Let me explain what's happening here, John." He stressed. This man may have killed hundreds in cold blood; yet, this was a game to him. "You're a criminal. I watched you murder innocent men and women." Chris' name was left unsaid on his tongue. "I was authorized to end you! And don't let our past relationship fool you. The only reason why you're still alive is because I'm allowing it. So shut your mouth." He wobbled a bit, his exhaustion hitting him hard.
"I love it when you are angry. Your eyes sparkle." John, the cheeky bastard, replied, the anger from before masked. "It's right up there when I have you on your back."
God, Jim wanted to vomit. "Don't you say another word." He hissed.
"Where would the fun be in that?"
It was a struggle not to look back at the Security officer. For a brief second, the Captain wondered what kind of secrets this officer could've overheard. But he prayed this man wasn't listening to the crap coming out of Harrison's mouth. "Shut up." he pleaded, not as forceful as before.
John's eyes scanned the Captain once more. "Do you want me to be your dirty little secret, James?" He kept his glance on Jim. "Scared of what your emotionless idiot of a First Officer would say?" Harrisons leaned forward, resting on his forearms against the forcefield. "Scared of what he might think? Do not be. There is no shame. I can tell him how loud you are in the throbs of passion if that helps."
Jim's blood was simmering. "Shut up." he demanded for the third time.
"Remember when I had you under my thumb, whispering in your ear. You loved that, and I am sure the Commander would love to hear that. The fool does not—
"Shut up!" Jim yelled, no doubt startling the officers by the door. Rumors would be flying, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. He needed to punch someone. "Shut the fuck up." His fist struck the barrier before Jim knew it. His hands, already red and bloody, ached worse after using the unbending forcefield as a punching bag.
"Oh, Captain, are you going to punch me again over and over till your arm weakens? Clearly you want to, so tell me, why did you allow me to live if that is all you want to do? I was hoping for something else."
"We all make mistakes. You almost killed Pike, the man who's a father to me! I should have killed you."
The expression on Harrison's face broke for a second. "Admiral Pike was a mishap. I would never do that to you." He paused, watching the anger morph to sheer rage on the young Captain's face.
That was the biggest load of crap that Kirk had ever heard. "Don't. Don't pretend you care." Jim had to pretend that the man didn't or else he would go insane.
Harrison's smile softened, as his posture straightened. "I surrendered to you—besides to see your stunning blue eyes- because, despite your attempt to convince me otherwise, you have a conscience, James. A heart. Your sleepy mumbles tell me that. If you did not, it would be impossible for me to convince you of the truth." There was a look of longing in his eyes. "Oh, I wish I could touch you."
"This is fun to you. Stop trying to convince me otherwise." He sneered. There was a question on the tip of Jim's tongue, drying to come out. Was he a game to John? John was in his past and would remain there, but a part of Jim was dying to know.
"You can always lead me to your quarters, but we do not have time for that. For now, take a look at 23-17-46-11. Coordinates not far from Earth. If you want to know why I did what I did, go and take a look." Hopefulness flashed in John's eyes. "You will see the truth."
Jim didn't want to believe Harrison, didn't want to give him an inch. "Give me one reason why I should listen to you."
"You know me, James."
"No, I don't. You proved that I didn't." His voice creaked. "Now, why would I believe you."
"I can give you seventy-two reasons, and they're on board your ship, Captain. They have been all along. I suggest you open one up." That was enough to send Jim into a tail spin.
*O*O*
"I hate you. I trusted you."
The words echoed loudly in Spock's mind, burying themselves deep into his psyche. These words were filled to the brink with vivid emotions as Kirk raged against Harrison with an unbridled anger. This was intimate as Jim's face was filled with an unrelenting anguish. There was so much pain in those words that Spock couldn't comprehend it. It went deep. Something broke within Jim, snapping any grow that Jim had done in the last year or two. Jim tried to hide it, shove it all back down, but there were somethings that you could not hide. Although Spock wanted to comfort Jim, he would not, not with Jim's plead on the trade ship.
But why did Jim feel the need to mask such pain? He was hiding pain. A stranger could see, which was what Spock could describe himself as at the moment. Spock was a stranger to his T'hy'la, and that was a stringer. Nevertheless, the Captain was hiding something, and while anger was illogical and only served to cloud your judgement, Spock understood it. Admiral Pike was essential to Jim, the only father figure that he had ever known. Spock had acted in a similar matter when his Mother died; yet, something was off. Although, Spock knew there was a familiarity along Harrison, McCoy and Jim. Harrison had called McCoy by his first name, and Jim had this panicked look in his eyes when Harrison said it. Whatever it was, Spock needed additional information before he planned his next step. Though he was concerned for his Captain, he would never move against him again. Never again, but he would protect Jim at all costs.
The bridge was humming in activity as Spock stepped onto the bridge. He nodded in response to his present being announced. His fingers twitched behind his back, his eyes automatically drifting to the empty Captain's chair. Admiral Pike might be his Commanding Officer (In the hospital or Not), but it was Captain Kirk's image that formed in the chair with a goofy smile that was only meant for him. Jim was always smiling, but each smile meant something different, a special smile for each occasion. There was even an intimate and fond smile just for Spock, a smile that the Vulcan feared he would never see again.
Though the blame was his, Spock detested the distance between his former Captain and himself. He disliked that he no longer knew what was in Jim's head or heart. In the past, they were a formidable team, who could rely on the other without fail. A team that could do the impossible. They were destined to be a team of legends, a friendship that would define them both. Their love, a concept that Spock still struggled with, was supposed to be unbreakable and magnificent; yet, he threw it all way. He broke something that was priceless, and now, he was left on the outside, guessing at thoughts he once permitted to see. He was missing something, and it nagged at him.
"Lieutenant Uhura," Spock called softly as he crossed to her. He had wanted—as illogical as it was—to remain at Jim's side, but that was not a fight he would win.
Uhura looked up. "Commander," she acknowledged, her confusion visible on her face.
Spock kept his voice low. "You had asked, implied in fact, that there was something more to Commander Harrison. To what have you been referring to?"
She took a quick glance around the bridge, noticing a few curious stares when Spock stepped onto the bridge. It wasn't uncommon considering his rank, but with Kirk on board, rumors were flying. Some may not have been on board when Kirk first Captained the Enterprise, but it was a small ship. Officers talked. "I don't know much," Uhura answered, looking at Spock from the corner of his eyes. "I attempted to look into it myself, but everything about Harrison is classified." She paused, biting her bottom lip. "Something smells. Harrison pretty much didn't exist a few years ago. This screams cover."
Anger, illogical and irrational, flooded him, but he shoved it down. "You mentioned Commander Scott earlier in regards to Harrison. In what was that in relations to?" he inquired.
Uhura's expression was hard. "He stated they had met. His exact words: we've met Commander Harrison before," she answered.
Spock paused, deliberating for a second. If Harrison and Scott had met, they were more than an acquaintance judging by the use of McCoy's first name. It clicked: Jim's anger. Yet, Spock was left with questions. This felt too personal. Yes, Pike meant everything to Jim, and once more, Spock understood this anger as he was also fond of Admiral Pike. But, this was more. Who Harrison was to Jim? Whatever it, Harrison had no ounce of love for Spock, not that the Vulcan cared if someone liked him or not. It made no difference, but it got him thinking. Why would Harrison hate him when they had not met prior? "Please continue your investigation into Commander Harrison. You may need to utilize some of your contacts in Star Fleet headquarters."
Uhura gave him 'Are you stupid' look. "As if I'm not already doing that," she replied. "I'm insult, Spock." She glanced back at the screen, taping away at the keys.
"Just be careful. Someone is working in the shadows." Spock replied. There was more to this then what met the eyes. Uhura nodded as Spock turned away. His eyes glanced toward Saavik, sitting at his station. He ignored the irritation forming deep in his stomach. Their eyes met for a second, her eyebrow rose. A surge of jealously filled him, remembering the lingering touch of Jim's hand on her shoulder. "I will be back," he told Uhura, heading to the door.
*O*O*
Jim didn't have quarters on the Enterprise. Technically, he could take Chris' quarters, his old quarters, but that felt wrong. One, Chris' things were still there, a harsh reminder of who was fighting for his life back on Earth. Jim yearned to be at his surrogate father's side, holding his hand like any son would. Two, Jim had some bad memories there. Too many nightmares had forced him to the floor, too many nights spent in the corner trying to sleep with heavy tears running down his face. That room was a prison, when it became the only safe place on the ship from cruel eyes, and Jim had no interest in returning to it any time soon. A suite could be assigned to him but asking for a suite meant something. This ship wasn't going to become his home again. Besides, Jim just needed a few moments to himself to collect his thoughts.
As a Captain, he didn't have time for this mini panic attack; he needed to get his head on straight. He needed to kick himself back into Captain mode and out of victim mode. He wasn't a victim. Dammit. He was a fucken Captain. Not any Captain, he was the Captain who stopped Nero. Yet, Harrison got into his head without a fight, and that pissed Jim off. Harrison played with his mind, bringing down any walls that the Captain had masterfully built. And now, he kept replaying all of his conversions and intimate moments he had with Harrison, wondering what he had missed. How did he missed the fact that he slept with a psychopath?
In a darken observation deck, Jim rested his head against the icy window. Looking out into the blackness of space, he forced a few deep breaths into his lungs. Jim could get over this. Jim could get pass it. Harrison was in custody. Chris was alive. He would be on Providence soon enough. Everything would be back to normal. It would-
"Captain."
A chill ran down Jim's back. "Commander." He acknowledged without looking back. He didn't move, allowing silence to fall. Neither one of them said anything for a first few minutes, just standing in the tranquility. A sense of awkwardness formed. Jim could feel Spock's eyes drilling into his back, studying each twitch in Jim's back. The Vulcan was taking him apart piece by piece. "Just ask, Spock."
"What did Harrison wish to speak with you about?" Spock asked, calmly.
Jim pushed off the glass, looking over his shoulder at Spock. "He wants me to see something. He gave me coordinates."
"To where?"
With a deep breath, Jim turned to the Commander. "I have Scotty looking into them. Harrison is trying to convince me of something." He forced himself away from that rabbit hole. Harrison had killed hundreds of people in London, fired on Starfleet command, tried to kill Pike and almost started a war. Jim didn't want anything that he was selling.
"You believe him."
Anger seethed inside of Jim at hearing that tone. "What are you trying to—No, No. I'm not going there with you." he hissed. "Right now, we need to get into one of those torpedoes."
Spock didn't move. "I apologize. I did not mean anything by that, Captain. Nor would I think anything negative of you." He paused. "I was merely amaze Harrison would speak the truth."
Jim exhaled, his anger vanishing. Spock was anything but a liar. If the Vulcan truly believed something, he would say it without pulling any punches. "Okay."
"Jim," he spoke. "I would-"
"Not now," Jim interrupted swiftly. No matter how much time had passed, hearing Spock called him Jim still got to the young Captain. "We need to get to the bridge."
"Understood."
An unanticipated sense of disappointment bubbled in Jim. For some god forsaken reason, Jim wanted Spock to fight, wanted Spock to show something, and shit, he hated himself for this. Spock, the Vulcan that he was, wasn't the person to go to for emotional support. He would most likely see your struggle as pointless. Emotions were illogical, but some part of Jim wanted to bury himself in Spock's arms. With a deep breath, he headed toward the door. "Let's go."
*O*O*
The news from Chekov wasn't good. There was a leak in the core, causing substantial damage, and poor Chekov wanted to take the blame for it, but Jim highly doubted it was the young Ensign's fault. It wasn't like Jim believed Harrison, but there was some truth to his words. They didn't randomly get stuck in enemy space. Sure, he hadn't been on the Enterprise for a while, but this ship would not be taken down by a freaking leak. She was a beast, but if someone sabotage her, why? Who would mess with a Starfleet ship and risk killing all of these lives?
"Are you out of your corn-fed mind? You're not actually going to listen to Harrison? He almost killed Admiral Pike and you. And now you think it's a good idea to pop open a torpedo because he dared you to." Bones sneered.
There was a heaviness in the air. Both Bones and Jim knew why he was so willing to listen to Harrison, even after all the hell this man had put them through. There was a part of Jim that would always be thankful to the kind, sweet John, who reopened Jim's eyes. He made Jim feel whole, and that feeling didn't disappear, even if felt tainted. It may not be the most logical or the most sensible, but he believed Harrison. Plus, there was a reason as to why John saved him, which haunted Jim. Why? Did he care? Staring into Harrison's eyes, Jim wasn't sure if that man could care for anyone.
"The Doctor does have a point, Captain." Spock pointed out.
"Don't agree with me, Spock. It makes me very uncomfortable." Bones murmured. "Don't." He turned his attention to Saavik, almost daring her to say speak. She just gave him an eye brow raised.
Spock, sharing a glance with her, replied. "Perhaps you, too, should learn to govern your emotions, Doctor. In this situation, logic dictates."
"Logic? Oh, my God!" The good doctor snapped, before letting out a heavy exhale. "I got to say it: I don't miss this crap. Logic my ass. Not even Saavik is as bad as you."
Saavik didn't respond, just stared at Leonard, while Jim's eye twitched. "Bones," he warned softly.
"What?" McCoy exclaimed, glaring. "Spock started it, while there's a maniac trying to make us blow up the own damn ship. And you-"
"That's not it," Jim interrupted forcefully, ignoring the stares from the crew. For the most part, their conversion was cut off from the rest of the crew as they stood by the viewing screen. "I don't know why he surrendered, but that's not it." He refused to believe it was because he cared. Yet, Jim kept asking himself 'did John care?'. He wasn't sure why John wasn't allowed to care but had to care at the same time. "Look, we're going to open a torpedo. The question is how."
McCoy huffed. "But without Mister Scott, who exactly is qualified to just pop open a four-ton stick of dynamite?"
Saavik, a PADD in hand, spoke, "I believe I can be helpful. I may not be a weapon expert, but I have been working alongside Commander Scott. I have an engineering insight that would be beneficial."
Spock stared at Saavik, calculating something in his head before turning to Jim. "The Admiral's daughter appeared to have interest in the torpedoes, and she is a weapons specialist. Perhaps she could be of some use as well."
"What Admiral's daughter?" Jim asked, his eyes crunched up in confusion.
"Carol Marcus. The new science officer concealed her identity to board the ship," Spock stated, matter of fact.
Jim didn't say anything for a few long seconds. Marcus' last name struck something deep inside of him. It was unfair to his daughter, but a strong disliked for her overwhelmed him. "When were you going to tell me that?"
"When it became relevant. As it just did."
Jim gaped, his shock crushing. He wasn't sure what he expected from his temporary First Officer, but this wasn't it. Their teamwork was nonexistent. His mind was in a jumble, as he bounced back to the 'good times' when they were an effective team. It was night and day. In the past, they were on the same mind wave, but now, they were strangers. His heart gamboled a beat, reality struck him hard. A dream that Jim didn't know he had was shattered. Spock was keeping things from him. Aren't you doing the same thing? Shit, that hurt more than it should have. God damnit. Why was he doing this to himself? "Saavik, come with me." He ordered as he stepped away.
Spock followed a few steps. "Captain." He called, a confusion dancing across his face.
Jim turned back, his voice drily neutral. "You have the conn."
*O*O*
"Are the torpedoes in the weapons bay?" Carol asked, looking past Jim to Saavik for a second.
It bugged the shit out of Jim that he didn't notice prior, but Carol looked like Admiral Marcus. They had the same eyes, the same long nose, the same jaw line. Beautiful or not, she was a mirror of her father, and being Marcus' daughter, he wasn't sure he could trust her, but he would for now. "Loaded and ready to fire. What are they?" he asked.
Carol was on the move, jogging through the corridors. "I don't know. That's why I forged my transfer onto your ship-"
"Not my ship anymore." Jim interjected, harshly cutting her off.
"For right now, it is." Carol's eyebrow shot up. "Regardless, I apologize. If I caused you any problems, I'm sorry." She paused. I'm Carol Marcus," She said quickly as Saavik and Kirk followed her to the weapons bay. She was talking a million miles an hour, her hands waving in the air.
"James Kirk." He replied, resisting rolling his eyes. As if we didn't already know each other's name. His eye twitched Saavik, logical as ever, did not offer her name.
"My father gave me access to every program he oversaw, then I heard he was developing these prototype torpedoes. When I went to confront him about it, he wouldn't even see me. That's when I discovered the torpedoes had disappeared from all official records." Carol spoke, hastily.
Something already smelled funny, but this sealed the deal. What the hell was the Admiral up to? Whatever it was, Jim was pretty sure he was getting set up. Jim could see the tracks leading back to him. "And then he gave them to me." he articulated slowly. "Was there anything else your-"
"Sir," Saavik called, drawing his attention. She shook her head once she got his attention.
Carol watched as they shared a glance. "Cleverer than your reputation suggests, Captain Kirk."
There was a snarky comment on the tip of his tongue, but he held it. He knew to what she was referring to, and really, how wrong was she? He freely slept with a murdering psychopath. "What are we doing in here?" he asked, as they had made it to the hanger.
"ls this shuttle prepped to fly?" Carol asked, pointing to the closest shuttle.
Saavik clicked away at the PADD in her hands without looking up. "Why would it not be?" she asked, drily.
Carol nodded, ignoring Saavik's icily tones. "It's too dangerous to try and open one of these torpedoes on the Enterprise. But there's a nearby planetoid in which I can use. I'm assuming Lieutenant Saavik is here to assist."
"I am." Saavik said. The two science officers' eyes met, silently sizing the other up.
"Be a pleasure to work with you, Saavik." Carol nodded. Before another word could be said, both women forced Jim out of the shuttle. Force wasn't the best description as Saavik would never lay a hand to him, and Carol, stranger or not, would not dare to coerce the Captain to do anything; yet, they ordered him out of the shuttle as if they were the Captain and First Officer. In reality, they were scared- not that the Vulcan would admit it- that he would join him, which was not too far off from the truth. To the displeasure of everyone, Jim tended to take risky moves.
*O*O*
Jim settled down in the Captain's chair, his eyes pointedly away from Spock. The Commander was once more at the science station, and old habits were knocking at the door. Jim kept catching himself at the last second and compelled his glance forward whenever he caught himself peeping back. "Mister Sulu, have Doctor Marcus and Lieutenant Saavik landed on the planetoid yet?" he asked, his nails digging into the hard armrests of the Captain's chair.
"Yes, sir. They're moving the torpedo into position now." Sulu answered.
"Good. Any activity from the Klingons?" Jim asked, feeling McCoy to his left. He glanced up from the corner of his eyes, watching Bones masked his expression. Bones' eyes flickered to him, drilling into him. Jim knew what he was asking without it being voiced. A hand on his shoulder was he need from McCoy.
"Not yet. But if we're stuck here much longer, they will find us." Sulu answered, uneasy.
That was what Jim was worried about. "Lieutenant Uhura, did you let Starfleet know we have Harrison in custody?" He asked, looking past McCoy to Uhura. Uhura, who had been staring at him off and on since they returned to the bridge.
"Yes, sir. No response yet."
Well, that totally isn't a red flag, Jim thought, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. What the hell was going on? That was what bugged him the most. He was getting set up for something, but what? Jim's eyes went large, as something dawned on him: war. It had to be. They were stuck in Klingons space, having almost fired on the Klingons home world.
"Shuttle is standing by, Captain," Sulu stated, interrupting Jim's thoughts.
"How you two doing?" Jim asked over the open channel.
It took a few seconds for Carol to respond. "Good, Captain." She must've turned to Saavik as she directed the next part to her. "To understand how powerful these weapons are, we need to open the warhead. To do that, we need to access the fuel compartment. Lucky us, the warheads on these weapons are live."
"I do not understand how you can say that we are 'lucky.' Our deaths will be instant if the torpedoes detonate." Saavik interjected.
Bones snorted besides Jim. "Hobgoblin." He spoke under his breath.
"Bones," Jim lightly chastised.
"You and Hobgoblins."
Jim gave Bones the dirtiest look that he could muster. "Bones."
"What?" Bones spotted the goofy a smile.
Carol's voice drew back their attention. "I hope your hands steady, Lieutenant. There's a bundle of fiber optic cables against the inner casing. You'll need to cut the twenty third wire down. Don't touch anything else. Understand?"
Jim couldn't see Saavik's expression, but he was sure Saavik was giving Carol the Vulcan's stink eye. Saavik would deny it, but Jim could see as if she was standing in front of him. "Do not doubt my skills. I am capable."
"Wait for my word." Carol ordered, not responding. "I'm rerouting the detonation processor. Are you ready?"
"Why would I not be?"
This was not the time or place, especially not the best of circumstances, but shit, Jim could not keep in the chuckle lodged in his throat.
*O*O*
Saavik and Carol had disarmed the torpedo without any issue, which was a blessing after Jim's uncontrollable fit of laugher, but that was short lived when Jim found himself face to face with a man in a cryo tube. "ls he alive?" Jim asked.
In the medical Bay, Saavik, Carol, McCoy and Spock stood in a circle around the tube, each confused as the next. "He's alive. But if we try to revive him without the proper sequencing, it could kill him. This technology is beyond me," Bones answered, astonished. He was flipping through his PADD.
"How advanced, Doctor?" Spock asked.
"It's not advanced. That cryo tube is ancient." Carol replied, crossing to Leonard who smiled at her despite the situation.
Jim knew that smile. Heck, he had seen that smile a few times when Bones was really interested or drunk. Side note, why did it bug the shit out of Jim to see it? Oh, yea, love sucked. He was swearing off love. It did nothing but bit him in the ass. "Doctor McCoy, may I remind you, you're not there to flirt." He spoke, coming out harsher than he intended.
"That's cute coming from you," Leonard replied, sarcastically. "Captain Flirts a lot."
"Bones," Jim warned, ignoring Spock completely.
Leonard glanced toward Spock before answering, "Anyhow, we haven't needed to freeze anyone since we developed warp capability, which explains the most interesting thing about our friend here. He's three hundred years old."
Jim's head was spinning, seconds from exploding. With this head thumping, he bolted from the room, ignoring any calls for him to stop. He didn't know what the hell was going on, but Marcus and Harrison were at the center. He raced through the Enterprise; his heart pounded against his ribs. The sound of footsteps clobbered in his ear, but Jim wasn't sure if it was his footstep or someone else. If he gave it thought, he could name the person. It was Spock, being the overprotective First Officer that he was. However, that brought up with a whole other set of questions. Spock could out run him on his worse day, so he was trailing behind on purpose. Jim didn't know what that meant.
He burst into the brig, startling the officer behind the desk. Jim's eyes went straight to Harrison, who stood at the front of the cell with a knowing grin. "Why is there a man in that torpedo?" He hissed, stomping to the cell.
Harrison looked passed Jim, toward Spock who fell in line behind the Captain. "There are men and women in all those torpedoes, James. I put them there." He said, monotonous. He cocked his head to the side, noticing Saavik by the door.
Spock took a large step forward, his eyes solely on Harrison. The Vulcan didn't place himself between Harrison and Kirk per se, as Jim would skin him alive, but he angled himself closer.
"Who the hell are you?" Jim demanded.
A deep sickening chuckle escaped from Harrison lips. "Oh, I think you know exactly who I am, James. I have answered you every time you asked. Just remember." He cocked his head to the side. "Take your time. I can stare into your pretty blue eyes all day long."
The urge to close his eyes was intense, and it was difficult to resist. Not now, Jim yelled at himself. Now was not the time to freak. It was not the time to panic at what Spock might say if he knew the truth. "Who are you?"
"You will answer the Captain," Spock ordered.
Harrison's expression hardened. "A remnant of a time long past. Genetically engineered to be superior so as to lead others to peace in a world at war. But we were condemned as criminals, forced into exile. For centuries we slept, hoping when we awoke things would be different." He turned his cold stare at Spock. "But as a result of the destruction of Vulcan, your Starfleet began to aggressively search distant quadrants of space. My ship was found adrift. I alone was revived."
Spock stared right back. "I investigated your history. Commander John Harrison did not exist one Terra year ago."
Jim's head whipped around. "What?" he asked, his voice going a few levels. He wasn't sure why that surprised him. He should've done that himself. He should've looked this mother fucker up.
"Jealous, Commander Spock?" Harrison teased.
"Jealousy is an emotion to which I do not have. But pray tell, what would I be jealous of if those sentiments did exist?"
Panicking aside, now was not a time for this shit. A war could be started at any moment, and they were in a broken ship. "No! You can't side step this. Who the fuck are you?"
Harrison stepped back and answered, "John Harrison was a fiction created the moment I was awoken by your Admiral Marcus to help him advance his cause. A smokescreen to conceal my true identity." He paused as if to add dramatic effect. "My name is Khan." He spoke, louder as if he was performing for a crowd to which he was.
Jim breathed through his nose. "Why would a Starfleet Admiral ask a three-hundred-year-old frozen man for help?"
Harrison—No, Khan. Fucken Khan spoke, "Because I am better." A huge grin took over his face.
Hands balled at him side. "At what?" History was never Jim's strong suit, but that name sounded familiar. There was more to Harr—John's story.
"Everything. Alexander Marcus needed to respond to an uncivilized threat in a civilized time, and for that he needed a warrior's mind, my mind, to design weapons and warships." Khan replied.
"You are suggesting the Admiral violated every regulation he vowed to uphold simply because he wanted to exploit your intellect." Spock asked.
Jim did not want to believe Harrison—Damn it, Khan—on principle. Yet, he knew Khan wasn't lying. This man was a bastard, but he wasn't a liar. This man was a killer; yet, Jim believed him. Jim didn't want to. God, he didn't want to, but he did. John was too gentle not to believe, which was just too much when he allowed himself to think about it.
Khan's eyes lasered into Spock. "He wanted to exploit my savagery. Intellect alone is useless in a fight, Mister Spock. You, you can't even break a rule. How would you be expected to break bone? That point was proved on Qo'noS. You failed to protect your Captain." He said, rolling his tongue on Jim's title. "It was a good thing that I was able to step in. Hate to have seen what would have happened if I was not there."
"You underestimate us," Spock answered. "And as the Enterprise's First Officer, I would not allow any harm to become to her Captain."
Shit, there was definitely a tone there, and Jim felt a shiver ran down his spine.
Khan's eyes flickered to Jim's face. Even with McCoy's magic Doctor skill, Jim still had some battle wounds. "You did an amazing job, Commander."
Before Spock could respond, Jim spoke. "Get to the point, Khan." The name felt odd on his tongue.
Exhaling, Khan continued, "Marcus used me to design weapons, to help him realize his vision of a militarized Starfleet. He sent you to use those weapons, among other things. To fire my torpedoes on an unsuspecting planet. And then he purposely crippled your ship in enemy space, leading to one inevitable outcome. The Klingons would come searching for whomever was responsible, and you would have no chance of escape. Marcus would finally have the war he talked about. The war he always wanted, and you would be his scapegoat."
"You act like you're innocent in this." Jim hissed. "You opened fire in a room full of unarmed Starfleet officers. You killed them in cold blood! It was nothing to you."
"Marcus took my crew from me."
"You are a murderer!" The pain in Jim's voice even surprised him.
Khan turned his attention back to Jim, eyeing Jim for a second. "He used my friends, my family, to control me. I tried to smuggle them to safety by concealing them in the very weapons I had designed, but I was discovered. I had no choice but to escape alone. And when I did, I had every reason to suspect that Marcus had killed every single one of the people I hold most dear. So I responded in kind. My crew is my family, James. ls there anything you would not do for your family?" he asked, his voice strained.
Jim's hands balled at his side, something boiling inside of him. "Anything?" He asked, his voice cracked.
"Captain." Spock called, noticing the sudden dip in Jim's voice.
Khan looked over to Spock. "We dare not want to make Commander Spock jealous, would me, James?"
Jim refused to stare at Spock. Refused to acknowledge the question in his commander's eyes. "Shut up." Jim hissed. Spock did not respond, having better control then the Captain.
"Oh, but you asked, James. Maybe-"
"You will address him as Captain Kirk." Spock interrupted.
Khan let out a high pitch laugh. "Oh, he does not know, Captain?" he asked.
Jim forced himself to breathe through his nose as the world came crashing down. Why the hell did it matter who he slept with? It was just sex… No, it wasn't. The few ladies after was just sex, but John—Khan, whoever he was—was not. John had been to levels that no one besides Spock had seen, and it peeved Jim off to know he had been tricked. His man had seen parts that not even Spock had seen. Parts that didn't exist when he was with Spock. That killed Jim. He had opened himself up to a man who had destroyed everything he had ever touched. Jim included. Yet, none of that explained why the idea of Spock finding out freaked Jim the hell out.
Spock glanced toward Kirk, but again, he did not take the bait. Jim met his current First Office's stare, though the expression on the Vulcan's face was unreadable. Spock was always difficult to read, but he was exceptionally hard to read now. Jim compelled himself to take a deep breath. He might as well get this over with. "So, you s-stated you would do anything?" He paused for a second, his voice escaping him for a second. With a shaky breath, he continued, "Would that involve s—sleeping with me."
A grin formed on Khan's face. "That was fun, especially when we did it in the—"
"Enough," Jim hissed, avoiding Spock. Everything in his was screaming. "Is this all a game to you?"
"Yes." Khan said sharply.
The air had been knocked out of Jim, and a cold tremble ran through him, his legs almost giving out. There was a shift to the right of him, reminding Jim to Spock's presence.
"To what purpose was that?" Spock enquired, in a flat voice.
Khan leaned against the forcefield. "It was strategic, James." He answered, ignoring Spock.
Something shattered inside of Jim. "Strategic," he sneered through his teeth.
"Captain," Spock called, stepping toward Jim. "Khan only serves to anger you. It would not serve you to take the bait."
Jim's head snapped to Spock, who was suddenly closer than he was mere seconds ago. He looked up, meeting Spock's eyes, as he searched for something in those eyes. Anything. His brain went into overdrive, unable to handle the lack of a response from Spock. It was a harsh 180 from the Vulcan who told him he was a precious gift mere hours ago. Jim didn't want to think about what that meant. But isn't this what you want from Spock? "What the hell does that mean, John—Khan or whatever you call your murdering self?" he hissed, his voice carrying.
Khan's eyes flickered to Spock, his expression morphing into something vindictive. He stared at the Vulcan before turning his attention back to Jim. "It means what you think it means, James."
More questions filled his head, questions that Jim wanted—needed to ask, but the room was spinning. It was a fucken game to this fucken murderer. Why did Jim think it was anything else? How could he think otherwise for even a second? It was all fake, fucken fake. Yes, he was using the word fuck too many times, but it was that kind of day. The kind sweet John, who restored something inside of Jim, was gone. In his place was Khan who would do anything for his crew. Jim, not that Jim wanted anything to do Khan, was not a part of that. He was a tool, a means to the end. And sex was just a way to get there… His stomach turned several times. God, Jim was going to puke. Why did Khan need him? What the hell did Jim have that Khan wanted?
Oh, God, did it have to do with Admiral Marcus? The room shook beneath him, as he recalled yet again the conversion he had with Marcus. Jim didn't want to put two and two together, but it was forever stuck in his head, forming a picture that he could not unsee. "Did Admiral Marcus….Does he…" his voice faded off, unable to voice it. He didn't need to finish as Khan got the picture.
"Yes."
Jim didn't know what exactly what Khan was saying yes to, but his mind was coming up with horrible ideas. Marcus knew about Khan and Jim, and he had to know somehow. Jim for sure did not tell the Marcus. Heck, he didn't tell Pike about the 'relationship.' So, it had to be Khan, which pegged the question as to why. Why did Marcus care? Crap, he thought. He didn't have time for this, not now. The air was knocked from his chest, and he needed to get away.
Jim bolted. Okay, bolted wasn't the correct word. He was not a child. He did not bolt. He was a Captain; he quickly removed himself from the situation as any good Captain would. Spock trailed behind him, saying something, but all Jim heard was mumbles. He felt a sick, familiar disheartening feelings boiled up in him. It was Salean all over again, but worse. Jim let Khan in. He allowed Khan to see the most valuable parts of him. Oh, god. He was going to be sick. Was that all he good for? Sex?
"Captain," Saavik called, snapping from his thoughts.
Jim froze at the doorway, a foot from her. Her eyes softened at whatever terrified expression Jim was wearing. "I just need… I just…" he started but drifting off when his word failed.
Spock was at his side in an instant. "Captain," he called, reaching toward Kirk.
Jerking as if he was burned, Jim flinched away from his former lover. A wild, scared look danced in his bright blue eyes. He was a scared deer in the headlights.
"Jim," Spock called as he pulled back.
Jim did not answer, fighting back the vomit working its way up his throat. God, why him? Why the hell was he repeatedly used as some kind of sex toy? Sure, he had a 'few' wild days in the past, losing count with how maybe people he slept with, but it was consensual. There was no falsehood. He may have ghosted a few of them, not allowing any attachments to form, but…Was this some kind of punishment? Was he asking for him? Afterall, it was just sex.
Saavik took a step forward, reaching a hesitate hand out to Kirk. "Captain."
A tremor ran through Jim's body, his legs Jello beneath him. Jim wobbled on his feet, as images flashed behind his eyes. Everything he had ever known about John—Khan—was being rewritten, and something nasty and cruel was taking its place. He stubbled forward before a set of hands were suddenly on him, stabilizing him. He closed his eyes for a second, leaning into the person. Her—judging by the body definition—warmth calmed him, pulling him back to the reality. "Saavik," he murmured, his voice shaky.
"It is okay, Captain." She replied, taking his weight.
Spock stared at Jim and Saavik for a second before he turned back at Khan, his eyes narrowing. Khan's focus was squarely on Jim, everything else dead to the 300-year-old man.
"Bridge to Captain Kirk," came Sulu's voice over the comm.
Spock watched Jim, waiting for a response, but Jim had not stirred. "Yes, Lieutenant. What is the situation?" he asked.
"Proximity alert, sir. There's a ship at warp heading right for us," Sulu answered. If he was surprised by Spock answering, it was not visible."
Jim stirred, pushing slightly out of Saavik's arms. Any guilty or embarrassment that Jim felt was shoved aside. He was a Captain, and he would break down at another time. "Klingons?" he asked, his voice strained.
"At warp? No, James. We both know who it is." Khan answered, his eyes still glued to Jim.
"l don't think so. It's not coming at us from Qo'noS." Sulu answered, again not comment on Jim's soft, screechy tones.
With a deep breath, Kirk stood, ignoring the muscle twitch in his legs. He forced back the sob that crept up in this throat. "Lieutenant, move Khan to med bay. Post six security officers on him," he ordered, a twitch in his Captain's voice. He didn't want to believe or listen to anything that came out of Khan's mouth, but there was truth in it. Admiral Marcus could not be trusted, which Jim already knew, but Admiral Marcus could be the end of him.
"Yes, Captain." The security Officer answered.
Jim took a large step away from Saavik, who kept a watchful eye on him. He ignored her as well as Spock's hardened expression. "Let's get the bridge," Jim ordered, forcing an unmoving, unbreakable mask to his face. This was yet another reason why love didn't exist. It was a lie. All a fucken lie and he was done with it.
*O*O*
"Captain Kirk." Marcus greeted.
At seeing Marcus smirking ugly mug, Jim was glad he did a ship wide broadcast. The entire crew can hear this asshole. "Admiral Marcus. I wasn't expecting you. That's a hell of a ship you got there." He said, forcing himself perfectly still in the Captain's chair. It took everything in him to sit, especially with Spock hoovering behind him and his recently brain explosion. He forced his mind away from the Vulcan, who yet to remark on his now revealed relationship with Khan. Stop it. He yelled at himself.
The viewing screen was zoomed in on Marcus's face as he spoke, "And I wasn't expecting to get word that you'd taken Harrison into custody in violation of your orders. Letting your emotions to get the better of you, Son?"
Kirk pointedly kept his glance forward. Was that what Spock was thinking? He spared Khan because they dated? You don't have time for this. He yelled at himself. "Well, we er, we had to improvise when our warp core unexpectedly malfunctioned." Right now, Jim had to put on his biggest cocky smile and act charming. "But you already knew that, didn't you, sir?" he asked.
Marcus narrowed his eyes. "I don't take your meaning."
Jim's right hand fell to his knee and dug into his knees. "Well, that's why you're here, isn't it? To assist with our repairs? Why else would the head of Starfleet personally come to the edge of the Neutral Zone?" He asked, innocently.
Sulu turned back slightly. "Captain, they're scanning our ship."
"ls there something I can help you find, sir?" Jim asked, cheerily.
"Where is your prisoner, Kirk?" Marcus asked.
Spock was still hovering to Jim's left, detracting him a bit. "Per Starfleet regulation, I'm planning on returning Khan to Earth to stand trial." Jim answered.
Marcus' eyes narrowed as he leaned forward in the chair. "Well, shit. You talked to him. This is exactly what I was hoping to spare you from. I took a tactical risk and woke that bastard up, believing his superior intelligence could help us protect ourselves from whatever came next. But I made a mistake, and now the blood of everybody he's killed is on my hands. So I'm asking you, give him to me so that I can end what I started."
Maybe, it was because Marcus made Jim physically sick, but Jim couldn't understand why anyone liked this man. This man was a slime ball, and it pissed him off that he thought this man was a legend. "And what exactly would you like me to do with the rest of his crew, sir? Fire them at the Klingons? End seventy-two lives? Start a war in the process?"
"He put those people in those torpedoes. And I simply didn't want to burden you with knowing what was inside of them. You saw what this man can do all by himself. Can you imagine what would happen if we woke up the rest of his crew? What else did he tell you? That he's a peacekeeper? He's playing you, son, don't you see that? Or are your feelings getting in the way? You and your-"
"Sir," Jim stated, interrupting the Admiral. He did not need the entire ship hearing about that. "That does not change Starfleet regulations."
Marcus nailed Jim with an intense stare. "Khan and his crew were condemned to death as war criminals. It is our duty to carry out that sentence before anybody else dies because of him. Now, I'm going to ask you again. One last time, son. Lower your shields. Tell me where he is. Or else, you would be charged with him."
Son? Why in the hell did Marcus keep calling him 'Son'? Jim wasn't his fucken son! Marcus was the reason why Chris was injured and fighting for his life. And the reason why Khan slept him. "He's in engineering, sir. But I'll have him moved to the transporter room right away." Jim replied, focusing on his nails digging into knees. The pain kept his head on straight.
"I'll take it from here." Marcus said sharply. The transmission terminated.
Jim got to his feet, still ignoring Spock. "Do not drop those shields, Mister Sulu."
"Aye, Captain." Sulu replied.
Spock, whose eyes had not left Jim, took a step forward. "Captain, given your awareness of Khan's true location in the med bay, may I know the details of your plan?"
Jim breathed deeply before replying. "I told Marcus we were bringing a fugitive back to Earth. That's what we're going to do." He crossed to his chair and pressed a button on the intercom, connecting to engineering. "Chekov, can we warp?"
"Sir, if we go to warp, we run the risk of seriously damaging the core." The Russian answered instantly and sharply.
"Can we do it?" Jim asked.
"Technically, yes," Chekov started, quickly but hesitantly. "but I would not advise it, Captain."
Jim, deeply exhaling, forced himself back down in the Captain's chair. His nerves were on fire, and he was resisting getting back up for the third time. "Noted. Mister Sulu, set course for Earth."
"Yes, sir."
"Punch it." Captain James Kirk did not have a good feeling about this.
The end for now:
I am sorry it took so long. Yes, I changed the part where Bones went down with Carol, because really? In the Movie, how was a Doctor helping her disarm the torpedoes sensible? I believe they just wanted to use the Actor more. LOL. But it made no sense to have a medical doctor help with a torpedo.
Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think!