"Go to your room." They stared at the Doctor. The patients stopped and tilted their heads. "Go to your room. I mean it. I'm very, very angry with you. I am very, very cross. Go to your room!" The patients hung their heads in shame but shuffled away. "I'm really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words." He grinned.
"Why are they all wearing gas masks?" Rose asked.
"They're not. Those masks are flesh and bone."
"How was your con supposed to work?"
"Simple enough, really. Find some harmless piece of space junk, let the nearest Time Agent track it back to Earth, convince him it's valuable, name a price. When he's put fifty percent up front, oops! A German bomb falls on it, destroys it forever. He never gets to see what he's paid for, never knows he's been had. I buy him a drink with his own money, and we discuss dumb luck. The perfect self-cleaning con."
"Yeah. Perfect."
"The London Blitz is great for self-cleaners. Pompeii's nice if you want to make a vacation of it though, but you've got to set your alarm for volcano day." His grin faded at the Doctor's look. "Getting a hint of disapproval."
"Take a look around the room. This is what your harmless piece of space-junk did."
"It was a burnt-out medical transporter. It was empty."
"Rose, Piper."
"Are we getting out of here?"
"We're going upstairs."
"I even programmed the flight computer so it wouldn't land on anything living. I harmed no-one." He shouted. "I don't know what's happening here, but believe me, I had nothing to do with it."
"I'll tell you what's happening. You forgot to set your alarm clock. It's volcano day."
A siren sounds.
"What's that?"
"The all clear."
"I wish."
"Mister Spock?"
"Doctor?" They ran past a staircase.
The Doctor peered down at them from above. "Have you got a blaster?"
"Sure!"
"The night your space-junk landed, someone was hurt. This was where they were taken."
"What happened?"
"Let's find out. Get it open."
"What's wrong with your sonic screwdriver?" Rose whispered.
"Nothing."
"Sonic blaster, fifty first century. Weapon Factories of Villengard?"
"You've been to the factories?"
"Once."
"Well, they gone now, destroyed. The main reactor went critical. Vaporized the lot."
The Doctor smirked. "Like I said. Once. There's a banana grove there, now. I like bananas. Bananas are
good."
"Nice blast pattern." Rose commented.
"Digital."
"Squareness gun."
"Yeah."
"I like it."
Inside, the room was a mess. The window was broken and everything was scattered over the place.
"What do you think?"
"Something got out of
here."
"Yeah. And?"
"Something powerful. Angry."
"Powerful and angry." The Doctor repeated.
There are child's crayon drawings scattered on the floor and a Steiff teddy bear.
"A child? I suppose this explains Mummy."
"How could a child do this?"
On the table was a tape recorder. The Doctor pushed the button and listened.
"Do you know where you are?" It was doctor Constantine's voice.
"Are you my mummy?"
"Are you aware of what's around you? Can you see?"
"Are you my mummy?"
"What do you want? Do you know-"
"I want my mummy. Are you my mummy? I want my mummy! Are you my mummy? Are you my mummy? Mummy? Mummy?"
"Doctor, I've heard this voice before."
"Me too."
"And me," Piper said.
"Mummy?"
"Always are you my mummy? Like he doesn't know."
"Mummy?"
"Why doesn't he know?"
"Are you there, mummy? Mummy?"
"The police are on their way. I pay for the food on this table. The sweat on my brow, that food is. The sweat on my brow. Anything else you'd like? I've got a whole house here. Anything else you'd like to help yourself to?"
"Yeah. I'd like some wire cutters, please. Something that can cut through barbed wire. Oh, and a torch. Don't look like that, Mister Lloyd. I know you've got plenty of tools in here. I've been watching this house for ages. And I'd like another look round your kitchen cupboards. I was in a hurry the first time. I want to see if there's anything I missed.
"The food on this table-"
"It's an awful lot of food, isn't it, Mister Lloyd?" Nancy interrupted. "A lot more than on anyone else's table. Half this street thinks your missus must be messing about with Mister Haverstock, the butcher. But she's not, is she? You are. Wire cutters. Torch. Food. And I'd like to use your bathroom before I leave, please. Oh, look. There's the sweat on your brow."
"Mummy? Please, mummy? Mummy?"
"Doctor?"
"Can you sense it?"
"Sense what?"
"Coming out of the you feel it?"
"Mummy?"
"Funny little human brains. How do you get around in those things?"
"When he's stressed, he likes to insult species." Rose said to Jack.
"Rose, I'm thinking."
"He cuts himself shaving, he does half an hour on life forms he's cleverer than."
"There are these children living rough round the bomb sites. They come out during air-raids looking for food."
"Mummy, please?"
"Suppose they were there when this thing, whatever it was, landed?"
"It was a med-ship. It was harmless."
"Yes, you keep saying harmless. Suppose one of them was affected, altered?"
"Altered how?"
Unnoticed by them, the tape ran out
"I'm here!"
"It's afraid. Terribly afraid and powerful. It doesn't know it yet, but it will do. It's got the power of a god, and I just sent it to it's room."
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Piper muttered.
"Doctor?"
"I'm here. Can't you see me?"
"What's that noise?"
"End of the tape. It ran out about thirty seconds ago. "I'm here, now. Can't you see me?"
"I sent it to it's room. This is it's room." He whirled around to see the same boy from before.
"Are you my mummy? Mummy?"
"Doctor?"
"Okay, on my signal make for the door."
"Mummy?"
"Now!" Jack aimed his blaster at the child, only to find himself holding a banana.
"Mummy?"
The Doctor pulled out Jack's blaster from his belt and made a nice square hole in the wall. "Go now! Don't drop the banana!"
"Why not?!" Jack yelled.
"Good source of potassium!"
"Give me that!"
"Mummy. I want my mummy."
Jack used his blaster to repair the hole in the wall."Digital rewind. Nice switch."
"It's from the groves of Villengard. I thought it was appropriate."
"There's really a banana grove in the heart of Villengard and you did that?"
"Bananas are good."
They jumped back as the wall started to crack."Doctor!"
"Come on!"
"Mummy. Mummy. Mummy."It's keeping us here till it can get at us."
"It's controlling them?"
"It IS them. It's every living thing in this hospital."
"Okay. This can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and as a triple-enfolded sonic disrupter. Doc, what you got?"
"I've got a sonic, er. Oh, never mind."
"What?"
"It's sonic, okay? Let's leave it at that."
"Disrupter? Cannon? What?"
"It's sonic! Totally sonic! I am soniced up!"
"A sonic what?!" Jack yelled.
"Screwdriver!" The Doctor yelled back.
Rose and Piper glanced at each other and nodded. They each grabbed Jack's blaster and pointed it at the floor. "Going down!"
Jack repaired the hole in the ceiling. "Doctor, are you okay?"
"Could've used a warning," he grumbled, dusting himself off.
Rose rolled her eyes. "Oh, the gratitude."
"Who has a sonic screwdriver?"
"I do."
"Lights."
"Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, oh, this could be a little more sonic?"
"What, you've never been bored?"
"There's got to be a light switch!"
"Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?"
It was at that moment that Rose flicked on the lights. The patients on the bed sat up. "Mummy. Mummy."
"Door!" He aimed the blaster at the door but it didn't work. "Damn it!"
"Mummy."
"It's the special features. They really drain the battery."
"The battery? That's so lame!"
"I was going to send for another one, but somebody's got to blow up the factory."
"Oh, I know. First day we met him, he blew my job up. That's practically how he communicates."
"Okay, that door should hold it for a bit."
"The door? The wall didn't stop it!"
"Well, it's got to find us first! Come on, we're not done yet! Assets, assets!"
"Well, I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves."
"Window."
"Barred. Sheer drop outside. Seven stories."
"And no other exits."
"Well, the assets conversation went in a flash, didn't it?"
The Doctor stopped what he was doing and turned to Rose. "So, where'd you pick this one up, then?"
"Doctor."
"She was hanging from a barrage balloon, I had an invisible spaceship. I never stood a chance."
"Okay. One: we've got to get out of here. Two: we can't get out of here. Have I missed anything?"
"Yeah. Jack just disappeared."
Jim was using a typewriter when Nancy walked in.
"Thought as much. What are all of you doing here? Different house every night, I told you."
"We thought you were dead, or you'd run off."
"I didn't. I knew you'd come back for us."
Nancy emptied out her sack of loot.
"Found that old thing in the junk. Thinks he can write now."
"I'm writing a letter to me dad."
"You don't even know where your dad is. And how're you going to send it?"
"I don't know, stick it in an envelope?"
"You can't even read or write."
"I don't need to. I've got a machine."
"Will you stop making that noise! I'm sorry, Jim. On you go. You write a letter to your dad if you want to."
"I know we should've went somewhere else, but we need you, see, for the thinking."
"And what if I wasn't here? What if one night, I didn't come back for you? There's a war on. People go out they don't always come back. It happens. What would you do then?"
"They're wire cutters."
"I need you to think about that. Someone's got to look after this lot."
"Why? Are you going somewhere?"
"The bomb site. The one at the railway station."
"Why?"
"The child. That's where he was killed. That's where it all started. And I'm going to find out how."
"He'll get you, and then he'll come for us. He always comes for us."
"No. Ernie, he doesn't. He always comes after me. There are things I haven't told ya. Things I can't tell ya. As long as you're with me, you're in danger. Even now, sitting here, you're in danger because of me."
"You're the one what keeps us safe!"
"You think so, Ernie? Then answer this. Jim is sitting there right next to you...so who's typing?" They looked to see the buttons on the machine typing on their own. Finally it stops and Nancy grabbed the paper.
"Is he coming?"
"Ernie, as long as you're with me, he's always coming." She threw the paper down. "Plenty of greens. And chew your food."
When Nancy left, Ernie picked up the paper. Below Jim's gibberish was Are You My Mummy written over and over again.
"Okay, so he's vanished into thin air. Why is it always the great looking ones who do that?"
The Doctor stared at her with raised eyebrows. "I'm making an effort not to be insulted."
"I mean, men."
"Okay, thanks, that really helped."
The radio crackled into life.
"Guys? Can you hear me? I'm back on my ship. Used the emergency teleport. Sorry I couldn't take you. It's security-keyed to my molecular structure. I'm working on it. Hang in there."
"How're you speaking to us?"
"Om-Com. I can call anything with a speaker grill."
"Now there's a coincidence."
"What is?"
"The child can Om-Com, too."
"He can?"
"Yeah," Piper nodded.
"Anything with a speaker grill. Even the Tardis phone."
"What, you mean the child can phone us?"
"And I can hear you. Coming to find you. Coming to find you."
"Doctor, can you hear that?"
"Loud and clear."
"I'll try to block out the signal. Least I can do.
"Coming to find you, mummy."
"Remember this one, Rose?"
Rose blushed. "Our song."
A little later, Rose was relaxing in a wheelchair while the Doctor was at the barred window with the ever-versatile sonic screwdriver. "What you doing?"
"Trying to set up a resonation pattern in the concrete, loosen the bars."
"You don't think he's coming back, do you?" She smiled knowingly.
"Wouldn't bet my life."
"Why don't you trust him?"
"Why do you?"
"He saved my life. Bloke-wise, that's up there with flossing. I trust him because he's like you. Except with dating and dancing. What?"
"You just assume I'm..."
"What?"
"You just assume that I don't dance."
"What, are you telling me you do dance?"
"Nine hundred years old, me. I've been around a bit. I think you can assume at some point I've danced."
"You?"
"Problem?"
"Doesn't the universe implode or something if you dance?"
"Well, I've got the moves but I wouldn't want to boast."
Rose stood up and turned up the volume on the radio.
"You've got the moves? Show me your moves."
"Rose, I'm trying to resonate concrete."
"Jack will be back. He'll get us out. So come on. The world doesn't end because the Doctor dances."
Rose held out her hands, and the Doctor looked at her palms. "Barrage balloon?"
"What?"
"You were hanging from a barrage balloon."
"Oh, yeah. About two minutes after you left me. Thousands of feet above London, middle of a German air-raid, Union Jack all over my chest."
"I've travelled with a lot of people, but you're setting new records for jeopardy friendly."
"Is this you dancing? Because I've got notes."
"Hanging from a rope thousands feet above London. Not a cut, not a bruise."
"Yeah, I know. Captain Jack fixed me up."
"Oh, we're calling him Captain Jack now, are we?"
"Well, his name's Jack and he's a Captain."
"He's not really a Captain, Rose."
"Do you know what I think? I think you're experiencing Captain envy. You'll find your feet at the end of your legs. You may care to move
them."
Piper watched them in amusement.
"If he ever was a Captain, he's been defrocked."
"Yeah? Shame I missed that."
"Actually, I quit. Nobody takes my frock. Most people notice when they've been teleported. You guys are so sweet. Sorry about the delay. I had to take the nav-com offline to override the teleport security."
"You can spend ten minutes overriding your own protocols? Maybe you should remember whose ship it is."
Oh, I do. She was gorgeous. Like I told her, be back in five minutes." Jack laughed.
The Doctor looked around. "This is a Chula ship."
"Yeah, just like that medical transporter. Only this one IS dangerous."
The Doctor snapped his fingers and the golden glow moved to envelope his hands. "They're what fixed my hands up Jack called them er..."
"Nanobots? Nanogenes."
"Nanogenes, yeah."
"Sub-atomic robots. There's millions of them in here, see? Burned my hand on the console when we landed. All better now. They activate when the bulk head's sealed. Check you out for damage, fix any physical flaws. Take us to the crash site. I need to see your space junk."
"As soon as I get the nav-com back online. Make yourself comfortable. Carry on with whatever it was you were doing."
"We were talking about dancing."
"It didn't look like talking."
"It didn't feel like dancing."
Nancy made her way to the tarpaulin covered spacecraft. Just as she started to pull it back, the spotlights came on and rifles are pointed at her.
"Halt! Don't move!"
"So, you used to be a Time Agent now you're trying to con them?"
"If it makes me sound any better, it's not for the money."
"For what then?"
"Woke up one day when I was still working for them, found they'd stolen two years of my memories. I'd like them back."
They stole your memories?"
"Two years of my life. No idea what I did. Your friend over there doesn't trust me, and for all I know he's right not to. Okay, we're good to go. Crash site?"
An unwell soldier tries to stand up as Nancy was escorted in. "As you were. Feeling any better?"
"Just a touch, sir."
"Chain her up where Jenkins can keep an eye on her."
"No! Not in here. Not with him." She was handcuffed, a chain wrapped around the table leg and sat in a chair opposite him.
"You shouldn't have broken in here if you didn't want to stay."
"You don't understand. Not with him."
"This is a restricted area, miss. You can just sit here for a bit. We're going to have to ask you a few questions."
"Found these, sir." A soldier held up a pair of bolt cutters.
"Very professional. A little bit too professional. Didn't just drop in by accident then, did you?"
"My little brother died here. I wanted to find out what killed him."
"Take the men, check the fence for any other breaches and search the area. She may not have come here alone."
"Yes, sir."
Please! Listen, you can't leave me here," she begged.
"Watch her, Jenkins."
"Yes, Mummy."
Algy turned back to look at Jenkins. "Jenkins?"
"Sorry, sir. I don't know what's the matter with me."
"Look, lock me up, fine, but not here. Please, anywhere but here!"
Algy looked uncertain before dismissing her.
"You'll be all right, miss. I'm just a little. Just a little, just a little. What's the matter with you?!"
"Please, let me go."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you've got a scar on the back of your hand."
"Well, yes, but I don't see what that's got to do with anything."
"And you feel like you're going to be sick, like something's forcing its way up your throat. I know because I've seen it before."
"What's happening to me?"
"In a minute, you won't be you anymore. You won't even remember you. And unless you let me go, it's going to happen to me too. Please."
"What're you talking about?"
"What's your mother's name?"
"Matilda."
"You got a wife?"
Yes," he gasped.
"Wife's name? You got kids? What's you're name? Please, let me go. It's too late for you. I'm sorry, but please let me go."
"What do you meee...Mummy."
Nancy looked away as he turned.
There it is. Hey, they've got Algy on duty. It must be important."
"We've got to get past him."
"Are the words distract the guard heading in our general direction?"
"I don't think that'd be such a good idea."
"Don't worry. We can handle it."
"I've got to know Algy quite well since I've been in town. Trust me, you two are not his type. I'll distract him. Don't wait up."
"Relax, he's a fifty first century guy. He's just a bit more flexible when it comes to dancing."
"How flexible?"
"Well, by his time, you lot have spread out across half the galaxy."
"Meaning?"
"So many species, so little time."
"What, that's what we do when we get out there? That's our mission? We seek new life, and, and-"
"Dance."
"Hey, tiger. How's it hanging?"
Algy turned around and tilted his head. "Mummy?"
Jack's smile vanished. "Algy, old sport, it's me."
"Mummy?"
"It's me, Jack."
"Jack? Are you my mummy?"
Algy began to cough. He fell to his knees and started to retch. His face turned into a gas mask. Rose, Piper and the Doctor rushed forward from the sidings. "Stay back!"
"You men, stay away!"
"The effect's become air-borne, accelerating."
"What's keeping us safe?"
"Nothing."
"Ah, here they come again."
"All we need. Hold on. Didn't you say a bomb was going to land here?"
Never mind about that. If the contaminants airborne now, there's hours left."
"For what?"
"Till nothing, forever. For the entire human race. And can anyone else hear singing?"
"Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree tops."
Jenkins lay slumped across the table, asleep. "When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. Down will come baby, cradle and all."
She looked up as the door creaked open and saw The Doctor peer around. He slowly entered and gestured for her to keep singing."Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree tops. When the wind blows the cradle will rock."
She stood up when she was free.
"You see? Just an ambulance."
"That's an ambulance?"
"It's hard to explain. It's from another world."
"They've been trying to get in."
"Of course they have. They think they've got their hands on Hitler's latest secret weapon. What're you doing?"
"The sooner you see this thing is empty, the sooner you'll know I had nothing to do with it." There was a bang. Sparks went up and an alarm went off. The access panel's light flashed. "Didn't happen last time."
"It hadn't crashed last time. There'll be emergency protocols," he pointed out.
"Doctor, what is that?"
"Mummy?"
All the patients got up.
They started battering at the hospital doors.
"Doctor!"
"Captain, secure those gates!"
"Why?"
"Just do it! Nancy, how'd you get in here?"
"I cut the wire."
"Show Rose. Setting two thousand four hundred and twenty eight D." He threw Rose the sonic screwdriver.
"What?"
"Reattaches barbed wire. Go!"
"What bout me?" Piper asked.
"You're with me," he told her.
Jack yelled in triamph. He finally managed to open it up. "It's empty. Look at it." The Doctor stared at him, his arms crossed. "What do you expect in a Chula medical transporter? Bandages? Cough drops? Rose? Piper?"
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do."
Rose clicked her fingers. "Nanogenes!"
Jack paled.
"It wasn't empty, Captain. There was enough nanogenes in there to rebuild a species."
"Oh, God."
"Getting it now, are we? When the ship crashes, the nanogenes escape. Billions upon billions of them, ready to fix all the cuts and bruises in the whole world. But what they find first is a dead child, probably killed earlier that night, and wearing a gasmask."
"And they brought him back to life? They can do that?" Piper asked.
"What's life? Life's easy. A quirk of matter. Nature's way of keeping meat fresh. Nothing to a nanogene. One problem, though. These nanogenes, they're not like the ones on your ship. This lot have never seen a human being before. Don't know what a human being's supposed to look like. All they've got to go on is one little body, and there's not a lot left. But they carry right on. They do what they're programmed to do. They patch it up. Can't tell what's gasmask and what's skull, but they do their best. Then off they fly, off they go, work to be done. Cause, you see now, they think they know what people should look like, and it's time to fix all the rest. And they won't ever stop. They won't ever, ever stop. The entire human race is going to be torn down and rebuilt in the form of one terrified child looking for its mother, and nothing in the world can stop it!"
"I didn't know!"
"Mummy. Mummy."
"Piper!" Nancy called.
"It's bringing the gas mask people here, isn't it?"
"The ship thinks it's under attack. It's calling up the troops. Standard protocol."
"But the gas mask people aren't troops."
"They are now. This is a battle-field ambulance. The Nanogenes don't just fix you up, they get you ready for the front line. Equip you, program you."
"That's why the child's so strong. Why it could do that phoning thing."
"It's a fully equipped Chula warrior, yes. All that weapons tech in the hands of a hysterical four year old looking for his mummy. And now there's an army of them."
The patients surrounded them, outside the barbed wire.
"Why don't they attack?" Jack wondered.
"Good little soldiers, waiting for their commander."
"The child?"
"Jamie."
"What?"
"Not the child. Jamie."
"So how long until the bomb falls?"
"Any second."
"What's the matter, Captain? A bit close to the volcano for you?"
"He's just a little boy."
"I know," he said softly.
"He's just a little boy who wants his mummy." Nancy cried.
"I know. There isn't a little boy born who wouldn't tear the world apart to save his mummy. And this little boy can."
"So what're we going to do?"
"I don't know."
"It's my fault."
"No."
"It is. It's all my fault."
"How can it be you're-" He stopped and whirled around. His gaze turned from the patients and settled on Nancy who was crying softly.
"Mummy. Mummy. Mummy. Mummy."
"Nancy, what age are you? Twenty? Twenty one? Older than you look, yes?"
"Doctor, that bomb. We've got seconds!"
"You can teleport us out."
"Not you guys. The nav-com's back online. Going to take too long to override the protocols."
"So it's volcano day. Do what you've got to do."
"Jack." Rose watched as he clicked his fingers and vanished.
"How old were you five years ago? Fifteen? Sixteen? Old enough to give birth, anyway. He's not your brother, is he?" Nancy shook her head. "A teenage single mother in 1941. So you hid. You lied. You even lied to him."
The bomb site gate burst open. "Are you my mummy?"
"He's going to keep asking, Nancy. He's never going to stop."
"Mummy?"
"Tell him. Nancy, the future of the human race is in your hands. Trust me and tell him."
Nancy and Jamie walked towards each other. She stopped in front of him. "Are you my mummy? Are you my mummy? Are you my mummy?"
"Yes. Yes, I am your mummy."
"Mummy?"
"I'm here," she whispered tearfully.
"Are you my mummy?"
"I'm here."
"Are you my mummy?"
"Yes."
"Are you my mummy?"
The Doctor's heart sank. "He doesn't understand. There's not enough of him left."
"I am your mummy. I will always be your mummy. I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry." She pulled him into a hug. Immediately, a swarm of Nanogenes surrounded them.
"What's happening? Doctor, it's changing her, we should-"
"Shush! Come on, please. Come on, you clever little Nanogenes. Figure it out! The mother, she's the mother. It's got to be enough information. Figure it out."
"What's happening?"
"See?" He said pointing at them. "Recognizing the same DNA." Suddenly, Jamie let go and Nancy fell to the ground.
The Doctor rushed forward. "Oh, come on. Give me a day like this. Give me this one." He bent down and slowly removed Jamie's gasmask. "Ha-ha! Welcome back! Twenty years till pop music - you're going to love it!"
"What happened?"
"The Nanogenes recognized the superior information, the parent DNA. They didn't change you because you changed them! Ha-ha! Mother knows best!"
"Oh, Jamie," Nancy sobbed.
"Doctor, that bomb."
"Taken care of it."
"How?"
"Psychology." The bomb hurtled towards them, but at the last second got caught in Jack's light beam. Jack appeared sitting astride the bomb. "Doctor!"
"Good lad!"
"The bomb's already commenced detonation. I've put it in stasis but it won't last long."
"Change of plan. Don't need the bomb. Can you get rid of it, safely as you can?"
"Rose?"
"Yeah?"
"Goodbye."
He disappeared but reappeared a second later. "Hey, you! Girl with the dark hair."
Piper looked confused. "Who? Me?"
"Yeah, you. You're cute," he said winking. Piper blushed while the Doctor scowled. Jack and the bomb vanished. The spaceship sucked up the light beam and flied off. The Doctor stepped foward and summoned some of the Nanogenes to himself. "What are you doing?"
"Software patch. Going to email the upgrade. You want moves, Rose? I'll give you moves." He threw the nanogenes at the waiting patients, who then fell to the ground. "Everybody lives, Rose. Just this once, everybody lives!" The patients stood up again, back to normal. "Doctor Constantine, who never left his patients. Back on your feet, constant doctor. The world doesn't want to get by without you just yet, and I don't blame it one bit. These are your patients. All better now."
"Yes, yes, so it seems. They also seem to be standing around in a disused railway station. Is there any particular reason for that?"
"Yeah, well, you know, cutbacks. Listen, whatever was wrong with them in the past, you're probably going to find that they're cured. Just tell them what a great doctor you are. Don't make a big thing of it. Okay?"
"Doctor Constantine."
"Mrs Harcourt. How much better you're looking."
"My leg's grown back. When I come to the hospital, I had one leg."
"Well, there is a war on. Is it possible you miscounted?"
"Right, you lot. Lots to do. Beat the Germans, save the world. Don't forget the welfare state! Setting this to self-destruct, soon as everybody's clear. History says there was an explosion here. Who am I to argue with history?"
"Usually the first in line."
Back in the Tardis, the Doctor walked around the console full of energy and enthusiasm. "The nanogenes will clean up the mess and switch themselves off, because I just told them to. Nancy and Jamie will go to Doctor Constantine for help, ditto. All in all, all things considered, fantastic!"
"Look at you, beaming away like you're Father Christmas." Rose grinned.
"Who says I'm not? Red bicycle when you were twelve and a purple scooter when you were ten." He told them.
"What?" They asked, startled.
"And everybody lives, Rose! Everybody lives! I need more days like this."
"Doctor?"
"Go on, ask me anything. I'm on fire!"
"What about Jack? Why'd he say goodbye?"
"Okay, computer, how long can we keep the bomb in stasis?"
Stasis decaying at ninety percent cycle. Detonation in three minutes.
"Can we jettison it?"
Any attempt to jettison the device will precipitate detonation. One hundred percent probability.
"We could stick it in an escape pod," he suggested.
There is no escape pod on board.
"I see the flaw in that. I'll get in the escape pod."
There is no escape pod on board.
"Did you check everywhere?"
Affirmative.
"Under the sink?!"
Affirmative.
"Okay. Out of one hundred, exactly how dead am I?"
Termination of Captain Jack Harkness in under two minutes. One hundred percent probability.
"Lovely. Thanks. Good to know the numbers."
You're welcome.
"Okay then. Think we'd better initiate emergency protocol four one seven."
Affirmative.
A martini appeared. Jack picked it up and took a sip. "Ooh, a little too much vermouth. See if I come here again. Funny thing. Last time I was sentenced to death, I ordered four hyper-vodkas for my breakfast. All a bit of a blur after that. Woke up in bed with both my executioners. Mmm, lovely couple. They stayed in touch. Can't say that about most executioners. Anyway. Thanks for everything, computer. It's been great."
Suddenly, Moonlight Serenade echoed around the ship. Jack looked down the spaceship and through the open doors of the Tardis, where the Doctor and Rose were dancing. "Well, hurry up then!" Jack ran in. "Okay. And right and turn. Okay, okay, try and spin me again, but this time don't get my arm up my back. No extra points for a half-nelson."
"I'm sure I used to know this stuff. Close the door, will you? Your ship's about to blow up. There's going to be a draught." Jack shut the door and the Doctor started up the engine. "Welcome to the Tardis."
"Much bigger on the inside."
"You'd better be."
"I think what the Doctor's trying to say is you may cut in."
The music suddenly changed from waltz to swing - Glenn Miller's In The Mood. As Jack and Rose began to dance around the room, the Doctor pulled Piper to him. They grinned as they danced, ending with the Doctor dipping Piper at the end. The rest of the night was spent talking and laughing and getting to know each other.