A/N: Welp. New chapter. Yay.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything Cassandra Clare owns. Stuff I own: Alec's books, Magnus' songs, the plot of this thing. If I owned Alec and Magnus, the entire series would revolve around them. Maybe it's for the best...

Also, the Sebastian I mention in this chapter is not Jonathan. Just so nobody's confused. :)

Alec was okay with Magnus staring at him. He wasn't sure if that was okay in itself. He knew Izzy probably knew about his feelings for men and how they were never the same for women. He knew Izzy probably knew how misplaced he felt, how uncertain, because of those feelings. He wished he could tell her without hiding behind the fear of her rejection, of his baby sister looking at him like he'd grown a third eyeball. Their parents, Robert and Maryse Lightwood, had always been very religious, and Robert had been making offhand comments about how it was wrong to be the way Alec was, how it was disgusting, and Alec had died a little bit inside every day he heard those words. His father told him he'd always be his son, but Alec couldn't help but wonder if that promise would change if he found out.

That was why Magnus scared him. Being with Magnus felt so natural, so solid. Real. Alec didn't stutter as much as usual around Magnus. It was like he became a new person, and he was blindly rushing into it with a smile on his face. That was terrifying. One of Bane's songs constantly reminded him of how he felt about the whole ordeal.

Who am I to say that I understand love

I barely understand how my face forms a smile

I think it's safe to say we'll be out here for a while

Is it because you lost your way, or I lost the map

Or something neither of us dare to say

Who am I to say that I understand love

And the look that she gave me

Made me go a little bit crazy

She said love is a force that dominates the ages

Why do you think our ribs are cages?

Alec felt content in the coffee shop. He'd found a friend in Magnus, even if maybe he was attracted to him a little bit (oh, who was he kidding, it was a lot). All of his friends before had been reserved, closed-off. He had never been able to be himself around anyone besides his siblings and maybe a few of their friends, like Simon Lewis and Max's friend Julian Blackthorn. But people back in high school, like Jordan and Jonathan, had always been outside Alec's walls. There had been one person before who'd gotten Alec to open up: Sebastian Verlac. And he was on the other side of the country for college. He'd been friends with girls before, and had developed a sisterly bond with Aline Penhallow, to the point where Jace made some of his trademark jokes and Aline decided to bluntly tell him she was lesbian and promptly kissed Helen in front of their families, resulting in cheering from the younger Blackthorn kids, surprise but acceptance from their parents, astonishment from Izzy and Jace, pride from Alec, horror from Maryse, and the beginnings of a storm from Robert as he left the room.

The next day, Robert had angrily drawn Alec aside and told him never to associate with 'people like that,' and that Aline deserved to burn in Edom, and that Alec would too if he was seen with her again. Robert thought that was why Alec had written Killian and Mala the way he had, to exact revenge. And maybe that was part of it. But the real reason was deeper. The story was supposed to not only prove that two men could love each other, but to prove that they could do so openly. To prove that love was love.

But right now, he was here, in the coffee shop on the corner of Clave Street, sitting across from Magnus, legs knocking together under the table occasionally, which neither of them seemed to mind. Right now, Magnus was grinning at him from both across the table and from the paper in his sketchbook. Right now, Alec was okay.

"So, tell me, darling, what are you drawing?" Magnus asked, putting one ring-encircled finger on the top of the book in an attempt to pull it down. He moved so seamlessly, as though through water. Alec wanted to see Magnus underwater. He flipped the page and began to sketch that, too, ignoring the question. He did have one earbud in, in any case. Magnus picked up the other one and popped it into his ear. His eyebrows raised, and he smiled in a way Alec had never seen before. Almost predatory. He began to nod along to the music, and when he reached the chorus, he sang along perfectly, as though the words were flowing from his very soul. His voice matched with the singer's too, almost a bit too well….

Alec narrowed his eyes at Magnus, and he stopped singing in confusion.

"What is it, love? You know that angry look is doing nothing good for your complexion. Care to tell me what it's about?"

"You're Magnus Bane, aren't you?" There it was. The question. It had just slipped out, and now stood on the table, awaiting verdict. Magnus blinked at it.

"Well, goodness, darling, that was abrupt." He paused. "Yes, I am Magnus Bane. And are you Alexander Lightwood?"

Alec felt all warmth leave his body. "How did…" then it came to him. "My sister, of course. Izzy must've told you, right?"

"Nope. But her name is Isabelle Lightwood, which she did not deny, and she mentioned she had a brother named Alexander who went by Alec. And see, Alexander Lightwood probably isn't a very common name, so it wasn't hard to put two and two together. And for the record, I love your books."

"I bet now you're going to pressure me into writing a sequel to All the Locked Doors, then?" Alec gave him a tired smile and watched shock erupt on Magnus' face, accompanying the realization that he'd just met the author of All the Locked Doors, and hence could talk to him about the book from the point of view of its god.

"Hadn't crossed my mind. Would you, though? Like, were you ever planning to?"

"No," Alec sighed. "I always thought I would break it if I continued the story, if you know what I mean. It ended, so it ended. I can think of so many things that could happen if I wrote a sequel, and I'm not sure I want them to happen. I think Killian and Mala deserve a happy ending. It's not like I could ever have one." He looked down at his coffee bitterly. Magnus reached over and clasped his hand, looking at him with confusion and sympathy. Alec wasn't sure what he'd expected, but whatever bad thing it was, it wasn't there. The only thing there was Magnus.

"I can't believe this. You made Killian and Mala. I am sitting here with the creator of the Stacked Kingdoms. I don't know what to feel right now, Alexander."

"Well, I'm sitting here with one of the most famous singers in the world, so I think we're pretty even."

"But you make worlds. All I make is music." Magnus still looked rather starstruck.

"I got the idea for All the Locked Doors from one of your songs," Alec admitted. "Anymore was the name of it."

Magnus blinked several times, then began to sing tentatively.

"No, I'm not scared of looking back

I do it all the time

I'm not a kid anymore

I closed that door

And it won't open anymore

I'm trapped

It feels like I've been slapped

There's no going back that way

This is real

I can finally feel

And stand my own

And now that I can, all I want is to go back

And hide behind that door

But it won't open anymore,

So on shaky legs, I walk away

But halfway to nowhere

I'm struggling to breathe

I just want to go into my room and slam the door

But it won't open anymore

You ask me if I'm scared, well, yes I am

Because my feet are planted firmly in the ground

While he can run at the speed of sound

Yes, I am scared

Because I am being buried alive

While he soars into the sky

And I am scared,

Because I'm not a kid anymore

That door is as good as melded into the wall

It will never open again

Yes, I am scared

But I won't hide behind closed doors

'Cause none of them are open anymore

And I am scared

That nobody cares enough to answer

When I knock

Racing against the clock

I only have so much time in this life, and

I don't want to spend it being scared

But I am scared

Of growing up, of having to be there for someone else

Someone who loves me for myself

I won't close that door

I'm not a kid anymore

But at least I can realize

That most doors have handles on both sides."

Alec smiled. "Yep. That's the one."

"I wrote that one about my mom," Magnus breathed. "When I realized we weren't okay. I had no idea anyone could see meaning in it. My songs have always been my escape. I never expected to get where I am today because of them."

"I always thought it was amazing someone could put that much emotion into a song," Alec said. "I'd felt emotions through books before, and art if it was really good, but songs were always distant. Until you. When I first listened to your songs, they felt real."

"They're not." Magnus sounded hollow. "None of the emotion in my songs is real. I've gotten so good at telling lies that I believe them."

"What happened to your mom?" Alec asked softly. "Sorry. You don't have to tell me." He wondered what Magnus would do, what he would say. Alec felt oddly light. He found he wasn't as dumbfounded as he thought he'd be upon meeting Magnus Bane, and even more weirdly, found he didn't care that Magnus knew who he was. It was liberating, in a sense.

"No, no, I'll tell you," Magnus said breathlessly. "But not here. Walk with me to the park, and I'll tell you on the way."

Alec stood up slowly, tucking his sketchbook under his arm and sliding his pencils into his pocket. He waved to Clary as he and Magnus exited the café and began to walk down the road to Alicante Park. Several people passing by glanced at them: two men walking in close proximity, one in jeans and an oversized black sweater, and the other in shimmery platform boots, neon purple leather pants, a sequined shirt, and a navy blue velvet frock coat, shedding glitter with every step. He figured they must look ridiculous together.

"My father was hardly ever around when I was young," the singer began. "He got it into his head that I wasn't his child, and he was constantly berating my mom about it. When she told him I was his, he came to the conclusion that I was the child of a demon and that I should kill myself. He told me many ways to do it. When I didn't he tried to drown me."

"Magnus—" Alec tried to say, but Magnus held up one hand and continued.

"I somehow managed to kick him hard enough that he let me go, but I fell into the river and was carried off. I woke up on the shore of some town and everyone was talking about the murder of the Bane wife. I didn't know what to think. I asked the first person I came across what that was about, and he told me someone had heard screams and found my mother hanging from a noose in a burning barn. You can imagine I never went back."

Alec was speechless.

"That's when I started writing songs. I wrote so many of them that I would never sing, so many that are just sitting in my songbook. They get stuck in my head at night, Alexander, the songs I never sing. And it hurts like hell."

Alec stretched his arm out and grabbed Magnus' hand. "I know you don't want me to say I'm sorry," he began. "But I am sorry. Sorry that I can't begin to comprehend how hard that must've been. Sorry that I can't go back in time to make it easier."

"Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday," Magnus said. "And sometimes it feels like it was eight hundred years ago."

Alec pulled his hand away from Magnus'. And he thought he saw the other man's fingers twitch, as though he wanted to take it back.

"My parents have always treated me like a figurine: constant and solid and always the same no matter what. They spoke against LGBT stuff around the house, so naturally I grew more distant from them. I never told them anything. I started writing because I needed a way out, and fiction has always been that way out. I make all my protagonists LGBT for a lot of reasons, and one of them is to get back at my dad for everything he said. He didn't know he has a gay son, but Mala is gay because he's supposed to represent how I felt, and the High Emperor is how my dad destroyed me."

"If you based the freaking High Emperor off of your dad, I already hate him," Magnus shuddered. "I remember how much I cried after he told Mala to give up on Killian. I thought he would."

"Mala couldn't possibly give up on Killian," Alec smiled slightly. "He loves him. Love is only real if it stretches you every which way and you come through it feeling like you're finally complete. If Mala had given up on Killian, he would've been lost somewhere in the middle."

"He would've looked like a clay blob," Magnus grinned.

"A clay blob with fabulous hair," Alec agreed.

"So Mala having awesome hair is canon?"

"More than anything."

"I think I like having an author as a friend," Magnus decided. "So, tell me about the scene where Killian is walking on the railroad…."

The entire walk to the park, they discussed All the Locked Doors and many of Magnus' songs. Alec learned a lot about Magnus and the self he was trying to protect with his music. He wanted to draw this adult Magnus standing over a child version of himself, creating shields of musical notes and lyrics to ward off shadows. He learned a lot about how Magnus religiously loved oranges and had a pampered cat named Chairman Meow.

He told Magnus about his siblings and the torture that was living with Izzy for sixteen years, and how it felt good to be out of the house. He told him about trying to live through high school keeping his sexuality a secret. He told him about Sebastian and how he thought he'd be happy with him, until he got a scholarship to a college all the way across the country. He told him about how he was scared of basically everything and how painting brought him back from the edge.

When they reached the park, it began to rain. Laughing, Magnus turned his face up while Alec ran for cover under a tree.

"What are you doing, darling? The rain won't kill you!"

"In the Reflected Realm it will!" Alec called back. Magnus laughed again, getting the reference to another of Alec's books.

"If this was the Reflected Realm, I'd be looking for myself to see what a monstrosity I'd be there. Probably shy and nerdy and in love with science. I might have a pet hamster and eat blueberries all day. Now that would be interesting."

"I don't like the rain," Alec said, crossing his arms grumpily.

"I don't like how unhappy you look!" Magnus was grinning so widely it wasn't far from Alec's mind that his face might split from the tension. He rushed over and took Alec by the hands, pulling him into the downpour. Soon enough, both of them were drenched, hair plastered to the sides of their heads, water droplets clinging to eyelashes and dripping down their faces. Magnus was practically glowing.

"But Magnus, your glitter," Alec protested feebly.

"There's a sentence I thought I'd never hear," Magnus told him. "Don't worry about my glitter. I've got more than enough back at home."

The ground quickly became muddy off the path, and Alec couldn't see the street behind them. He wanted to get inside and change into his pajamas, then drink hot chocolate until his skin steamed, but Magnus had an iron grip on his hands. However, the smile on his face was what made Alec stay in the end, despite the cold, despite his racing heart, despite everything.

Someone on a bike shot past them, haphazardly staying on the trail, but it knocked both Alec and Magnus backward onto the ground. Alec landed on his side, so he got more mud on his face than he would've liked to admit. Magnus was still laughing as he got up and helped Alec to his feet.

"Someone's in a good mood," Alec grumbled.

"You have mud in your hair," Magnus explained. "You look so cute!" He got out his phone and took a picture, then showed Alec, who didn't know in the slightest how Magnus thought he was cute.

"I am not cute."

"Fine, would you prefer adorable?"

Alec, in retaliation, took a picture of the rain-drenched, grinning Magnus before him. Somehow, the light caught his eyes and made them shimmer like the sun. He liked the picture more than he cared to admit. He felt himself blushing. Magnus grabbed the phone and looked at the image. He smiled wider. Then he began to type in a phone number and sent the image to it.

"What was that?" Alec asked, snatching his phone back.

"Me acting on my desires," Magnus replied, showing Alec his own phone, where the image had popped up. "You still have mud on your face, dear." He reached a hand up and wiped his thumb across Alec's cheek, then his forehead, then the space between his nose and his lips. Alec's skin tingled everywhere he touched, and he could barely stand still throughout the process, until Magnus, seemingly satisfied, lowered his hand.

He smiled up at him, and suddenly Alec couldn't tell the difference between the thunder and his heartbeat.

Suddenly the rain felt like ice.