AN: this one is really long but its important for the plot! Next chapter will be smutty and learn another secret Kylo was hiding. Hope you can bare through this mess of a chapter for it!

Rey caved and finally watched the news. She hadn't heard from him in days and last thing she heard on the call was gunshots. She hadn't gone to work or school. She let all of Finns calls go to voicemail. She couldn't even eat. Especially after what she saw on late night CNN. They were talking about some new terrorism cell that had somehow gotten all their weapons from killing and raiding Starkiller Weapons Enterprise. They didn't know how many Americans had been killed and they mentioned how the CEO, Kylo, was radio silent. The speculations and rumors were eating at her. Was he dead? Hostage? Was he in on it? It was so frightening that it even scared Leia. She had called Rey to ask about Kylo and she told her the last thing was the sound of bullets. Surely if something happened, they would have known by now. All of this was affecting her. It was the same feeling she had every time her dad would disappear for weeks at a time on a bender. Except this time it was Kylo Ren. She was so restless she woke at the instant she heard the bedroom door creak open.

"Kylo?!" she bolted out of bed seeing his large frame standing there. The bag he was holding dropped with a thud as he caught her in his arms. He couldn't help but wince as her body collided with his. It had been a week, but he was still extremely sore.

"Oh my god you're here, I was so worried about you!" Rey kissing every part of him she could reach. She tried to pull his face down, but he pulled back. Her hand reached up to touch his face, but he grabbed her wrist with such intensity it actually hurt. Something was very, very wrong. She yanked and he let go as he brushed past her into the bathroom. He hadn't said a word to her.

"Kylo, what's wrong I-" the door was slammed in her face leaving her there alone, questioning and wondering. She waited outside the door listening to the water run. Rey would not let him shut her out now. Not after all she had been through worrying over him. And now he was home, not letting her touch him or even speak to her. The water stopped and Rey leaned her forehead against the door.

"Please talk to me…"

"I think you should go." His voice was static. The same tone he had the morning she touched his scars. Oh, Kylo.

"I'm not leaving you." he was hurting, she knew that much. But she didn't know how to help him.

"Rey, I need you to leave. Go home."

"No." she said it firmly. That's when the door swung open and there he stood before her only in sweats. She gasped noticing his mangled body illuminated by the bathroom light. Bruises and scratches. Then her eyes reached his face and she covered her mouth with her hand stifling a sob. The long red cut extended across his face, the stitches holding him in place. His wet hair was flopped over his eyes. All she wanted to do was kiss him and hold him and make it all go away. "Kylo, I'm so so sorry." She wanted to touch his face but thought better of it.

"Please leave." His voice cracked. Rey tried to protest again but he beat her too it. "You really don't listen. You want to know something? You see a man or whatever bullshit you believe. But you know what I see? Nothing. You are nothing. You come from nothing."

Rey stumbled back his words hitting her like a sledgehammer. "You don't mean that." Her lip trembled as more tears started coming.

"Get out!" he roared, and Rey flinched. She had never heard him yell like that.

Xxx

Every fiber of his being was screaming at him. Watching her tears and her flinch he wanted to throw up. He had to remind himself why he was doing this. Because he wasn't good for her. All he was good for was bringing misery and pain to everyone he loved. It was better this way.

He watched her scurry around the room grabbing her jacket from a chair and a few of her things. His fingers itched to grab her and apologies and beg her to stay but he couldn't. He wouldn't put her through the storm that was about to come. He watched as Rey reached into her wallet and pulled out his black card and threw it at him. She could keep it and run him into the ground, it's the least he deserved. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Rey…"

"Go fuck yourself." She spat out and slammed his bedroom door as she left. Leaving behind so many shared moments in this room. He turned off the light and slipped into bed. It smelled like her. One of her hair ties was sitting on the bedside table and a pair of her shoes in the corner. She was everywhere. He would get his new assistant to pack up her stuff and send it over. But for tonight he wanted to lay in the bed they shared, surrounded by her strawberry sent.

Xxx

The few days before….

When they flew him back from Iraq they took him to DC. His company was under scrutiny not only by the public but also the government. Based on the past few years of Hux traitorous actions and the fact Kylo killed him, there would be a private investigations and trial. Even he could be charged with international war crimes even though it was all Hux. Plus, he had to prove the general's death was in self-defense. There was so much more they could find out. The coverup of employee deaths, the black site interrogations he still ran. There was a very real possibility Kylo could go to federal prison. His lawyer warned him that everyone he knew would be brought in, even Rey. She didn't know anything; she didn't deserve the extra pressure. He had to end things now before they got ugly. Rey was too good to date a convicted felon.

Finally, he was allowed to go back to New York where the trial would be. just as he was getting off the plane, he saw it was already hitting the media. He didn't have time to love her for one more night, they were out of time together. Everything he did was wrong, not at all what he really wanted. So badly he wanted to kiss her, kiss all her worries away. Instead he broke her heart and sent her away. He broke his own heart. Because she was right, he didn't mean a single word he said.

Xxx

Rey returned to her apartment for the first time in a month. All her roommates were worried. They had almost filed a missing person. This is how she got when she was in a depressive episode. Communication and a hairbrush were lost to her. She cried in the shower that night as images of them together flooded her mind. Memories of who they were. She hoped he would come around; she didn't want to let go. He made her feel butterflies and that smile he had reserved just for her… the one time she really likes someone, and this shit happens.

Well shit would only get worse. She saw the raging headlines, the way her roommates looked at her. Leia had emailed her excusing her from her class for the rest of the semester. Even finn started acting different.

Kylo Ren, CEO of Starkiller Weapons Enterprise, is the center of a Class C war crime trial being conducted by attorney general Lucas Sky.

She had no idea what happened in Iraq but whatever happened was serious enough that Kylo was on the hook. Finn came over everyday and they watched the news unfold. He begged her not to watch it but she had to. She wanted to know what happened to him one way or another. The trial was more popular than the OJ trial. Rey was quickly learning she didn't really know Kylo and that Leia was right about him. His hands were dirty from the most horrific things. He would do anything to protect the business. Today was the day he would be brought in for questioning. She watched as he took the stand, his wound was healing nicely, and the stitches were gone. He was still handsome with or without the scar. The questioning started and Rey didn't breathe for an eternity. Her heart beating rapidly. This was the first time she heard his voice since he yelled at her to get out. The questioning attorney spoke first.

"Did Hux attack you with the knife?"

"Yes."

"And did you defend yourself?"

"Yes."

"And how did you defend yourself?"

There was a deadly silence before he spoke.

"I fatally shot him in the forehead at close range."

Its like her ears were filled with a defining ring. It was self-defense but watching and listening to him describe how he killed someone. Even though Hux was a terrible evil person, and even though he had told her other people he had killed before in the army, it still upset her. Finn squeezed her hand tighter as he watched this mess. He was watching his best friend wither away. He had seen her like this a few other times when things got bad for her. But this one was worse. For a month he saw her so happy with him. She gained a new kind of confidence and boldness when she was with Kylo. And now she was in the gutter and it broke Finns heart to see her like this. A new attorney took the stage to ask questions drawing their attention back to the screen.

"What did Hux say before you shot him?"

Kylo cleared his throat and looked down. "He was threatening my at the time girlfriend."

Rey froze, her body numb. He was defending himself and her. She was part of the reason that man was dead.

"At the time? Are you no longer together?"

"No… we aren't."

Hearing him say it. Watching his expressionless face. So, it was really over. There was no hope for them. He killed someone for her and then dumped her. This was so fucked.

"And what is her name?"

"Sir, I have court ordered privacy protections for her. I can't give you her name."

The judge spoke up, "In a trial like this, minor protection orders are forfeited."

His jaw clenched. "I'm sorry but I won't say her name."

"Do you want to be held in contempt of court?!" the judge shouted and Kylo's shoulders shrank.

His eyes found the camera and it felt like he was looking into her soul. "Please, forgive me." She knew those words were meant for her. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Rey Jakku."

Xxx

The next 48 hours were hell. Her phone was exploding with messages and calls from people she barley knew. Even her father had tried reaching out to her again. A new phone arrived for with a new number and sim for her from Kylo. She knew it was him by the note and the fact his contact was already loaded into the phone. And of course, it was the newest most expensive one.

I'm sorry. I failed you.

She didn't want to accept it, but she had to. He was still looking out for her. The new phone saved her from having to talk to people. When she looked out her window from time to time, she saw the bodyguard from before. Kylo was still having her protected. There wasn't any media outside yet, but she was sure there would be soon enough. While she was looking, she saw a slick black sedan pull up. her heart jumped as she found a small part of herself hoping it would be Kylo. Instead it was a man she recognized from the trial as Kylo's lawyer.

He exchanged nobs with the scary looking bodyguard before following a resident into the building. Her heart raced as she waited by the door for him. The knocking nearly made her faint, but Rey opened the door anyway.

"Rey Jakku?"

"Y-yes?" she stammered watching him pull out a paper.

"You are being summoned to court as a witness. Failure to comply and you will be held in contempt of court." He extended the paper to her and she took it with shaking hands, she could cry if she had any tears left.

"Ma'am. You should know he fought this. The last thing he wanted was for you to be dragged into this." He gave her a sad pity look. A look she had seen her whole life.

"I know. He's… he's still a good man to me."

"You underestimate how much he cares for you. Anyway, it's not my place to speak. I'll see you in court tomorrow… try and clean yourself up." he gave one last pity smile and left.

Xxx

The next day finn came over early to help her get ready. In her eyes she looked like she was going to a funeral. It kind of was. It was her feeling for him that had died. Well they hadn't died yet but she was determined to rid herself of them.

It was public information that she was subpoenaed to court and now there was a fire storm outside her building but now there were 3 bald bodyguards there for her along with a black sedan to take her there. She so badly wanted to use an uber, but it had to be this way. It was early April now but she still wore her usual coat clutching it around herself hoping to disappear. As soon as she stepped out the door there was a guard on each side of her basically lifting her off her feet moving her to the sedan. She had only be outside a matter of seconds but the people screaming her name and shouting questions at her was enough to deter her from ever wanting to be famous. She thought Kylo would be in the car, but he wasn't. just her and the drive. The ride to the courthouse was agonizing. If a few months ago someone said this is where she would be, she would laugh. But this was her current reality. She wanted to wish she never met Kylo to save herself from all this. But she was glad for the time she spent with him. He would have a long-lasting impact on her life. He showed her it was okay to reach out. He showed her she didn't have to go at it alone.

Her reminiscing was cut short as the car pulled up. once again, she was flanked by the bodyguards helping her up the steps and shield her best they could from the camera. Once she was cleared through the metal detectors, she was shuffled into the giant court room and sat next to two men in military uniform. Her mouth was dry as she took in all the cameras. Eventually her eyes landed on Kylo. He was staring holes into her. Rey lips parted gasping softly as she took him in. He was several feet away but just being in the same room as him…

As if sensing her thoughts, he took a step in her direction, but his lawyer grabbed his arm stopping him. He stood there for a moment just staring before he sighed and sat back down and put his head in his hands. Her throat tightened watching him. This isn't what either of them wanted.

The judge slammed the gavel letting them know court was in session. One by one the people on her bench went up to give character testimony and answer minor questions. It turns out the military men were from years ago on Kylo's platoon. They spoke so highly of him. As the day dragged on, Rey was finally called to the stand. She was last. She couldn't take her eyes off Kylo as she sat there waiting for the questioning to start. His jaw clenched and Rey knew him too well. He was trying to keep his mouth shut from saying something he shouldn't.

"Rey, were you in a romantic relationship with that man over there?" the attorney pointed at Kylo.

"Yes, I was." She almost said 'yes, I am' but that was a lie now.

"And did you spend a bit of time at his place?"

"Yes, he um, he gave me some closet space." She wasn't sure if that was too much information, but she couldn't help but notice Kylo's lips twitch, like he was trying not to smile.

"Did he ever talk to you about work or what he did?

"He did but it was so vague, he didn't like talking about it and I didn't want to push him." Kylo knew that to be true. She respected his wishes when it came to talking about hard things. \

"So, you didn't know anything about the terrorism trades happening?"

"No I didn't." everything she had learned in the past 2 weeks of the trial was new. Everything was a surprise to her.

"I have no further questions. Would you like to give a character testimony?"

Rey looked down at the note she had prepared. "Yes, I would." She looked directly at Kylo as he leaned forward in his seat. "Kylo is the most kindhearted man I know. He showed me how to trust and how to live. Even though we aren't together anymore, I will still defend him. While I do believe murder is wrong, I think Kylo's reasons are justifiable. Something he always said to me was he would do anything for me. And he did. He rescued me and he opened my eyes. The actions of general Hux should not fall onto Kylo Ren's shoulders. He doesn't deserve this blame." A single tear slid down her check. "He only deserves kindness and whatever love the world has to offer him."

Xxx

Listening to Rey speak that way about him. The way she looked at him. He had fucked up, big time. He would take it all back if he could. Rey was dismissed from the stand and his eyes followed her as she went back to her bench. It took every ounce of his being not to run to her.

The judged asked everyone to rise because he had a verdict. This wasn't a jury trial it was all up to that one man.

"The federal government court has found Kylo Ren, not guilty of war crimes. It is clear it was all orchestrated by general Hux. However, Starkiller Weapons Enterprise must pay all the related fines and reimbursement of the families and be under new sanctions for the next 5 years. As for the death of general Hux, it was in self-defense and Kylo Ren will not be charged. Court dismissed."

As soon as he said that Rey bolted for the door but a familiar large hand grabbed her wrist pulling her back. When she looked up sure enough it was Kylo.

"What do you want?" she hissed at him lowly.

"Did you mean what you said?" his eyes were pleading with her.

"Did you mean what you said when you said I was nothing?" she ripped out of his grip. He was not going to do this to her in front of everyone. He looked so wounded.

"Rey, I didn't, let me explain-"

"No let me explain something to you. My life is ruined, and my heart is broken." She shoved at his chest, but he didn't move.

"And you don't think mine is broken too?" he tried again reaching for her, but she backed away. This is all she knew, runaway.

"I can't do this with you." she frantically wiped away her tears and took off weaving through the people, the guards helping her get the fuck out of there. Once back at her apartment she cried out her soul to finn because he was the only one who would listen. He said she looked like a hot housewife on tv and that made her laugh a little. Soon her tears were replaced by tequila. But if alcohol did anything for her, it made her make bad choices. After finn left around 1 am, she fished through her wallet and pulled out the plastic white card. It was time for another bad decision.