AN: Another chapter written by drunk me. This is how I spend my Saturday nights, alone with vodka and Microsoft word. Also still in the moving process but I'm so obsessed with my own story I couldn't help myself from writing another chapter.

The next morning Rey woke up the smell of bacon and coffee. She also woke up to a throbbing headache and a deep soreness between her legs. The faintest smile graced her lips as she remembered last night. His large hands on her hips and neck, his cock slamming in and out till she screamed. Rey squirmed under the covers still groggy from her hangover but getting aroused. The bed shifted and Rey slowly opened her eyes. Kylo was hovering over her with a sly grin, his long hair tickling her checks.

"What were you thinking about?"

"You." she smiled and reached up tracing his scar with her fingers. He flinched at first to the touch and then he leaned into it.

"What do you think of it?" he wasn't self-conscious about it, but he did care what she thought of him.

"I think it adds character, I think you are still the same gorgeous man," that I fell in love with, she finished the last part in her head.

"Not as gorgeous as you." he leaned down and kissed her. Rey sighed into the kiss, she loved it when he kissed her because everything else disappeared. It was just them. Kylo sucked her bottom lip into his mouth and grazed it with his teeth. He saw the hunger in her eyes. His lips brushed down her skin, across her collarbone, his ears filled with her short pants. Finally, his lips reached her ear. She closed her eyes chewing her lip waiting for him to speak.

"I made breakfast." He laughed and started pulling away, but Rey had other intentions for playing her like that. Her knees pressed against his hips and she rolled him over ending up on his chest. He quirked an eyebrow and rested his hands on her bare thighs.

"Oh yea? So did I." Rey smirked at him as she peeled off his shirt she couldn't remember putting on. Matter of fact, everything post orgasm was lost to her memory.

Rey was the one smirking but Kylo was the one who felt like wining. He remembered the first time he went down on her. She was all anxious and now she was demanding it from him. It was that confidence she grew everyday she was with him, Kylo Ren changed her bit by bit.

She tossed the shirt aside and instantly his hands slid up her torso till he could palm both her breasts. A perfect mold for his hands. Rey bit her lip as she looked down at him, her fingers tracing through his dark hair. His long hair was sexy and was great for gripping onto as she rose of his chest and started lowering herself onto his face. Instantly his tongue met her, lapping up and down. One of his hands moved to her ass, pulling her cunt closer till his open mouth enveloped her wet folds. She moaned and ground into his face, this was addiction.

Kylo drove his tongue into her, sucking up her juices. Best breakfast in bed he ever had. Rey ground her clit against his nose, she didn't even know if he could breath. He seemed to be fine though because he continued to eat her up with an eagerness as his fingers dug into her skin.

The only sound filling the room was the sound of her moaning his name and the sound of his lips on her wet pussy. Her thighs quivered around his head, telling him she was close. He focused all his attention on her clit, sucking it into his mouth making her cry out his name. His fingers toyed her nipples as he sucked away. Rey came hard, pushing down on his face as her back bent, saying his name. Kylo ate it up, listening to her and feeling her body move around him. He would never tire of her body.

Once she came down, she slowly slid off of him and rested beside him. Blush covered her checks as she looked at his face covered in slick and hair a mess. His erection didn't go unnoticed either. He sensed her looking but he wasn't going to ruin her power trip.

"Why don't you get dressed and meet me downstairs for breakfast." He kissed her forehead and slid out of bed leaving for the kitchen. Rey laid there for a moment lost in thought. Her plan had ben to wake up before him and sneak out. Obviously hungover her had other plans and now she didn't know what to do. The idea of fleeing was still in her mind, but he did make her breakfast, plus he just let her face fuck him and she didn't want to be rude. It was decided then.

She got dressed in leggings and a sweater and made her way to the kitchen. She knew were everything was now because she had spent so much time here. A smile lit up her face as she took in the sight before her. The table was covered in food from crepes to tarts. Breakfast was the only thing he could cook good. They had fallen into a routine where he made breakfast, they did something for lunch and she would make dinner. But that was back before this mess was created.

He smiled seeing her smile. His life was so bland before her, just work and parties and string of women he couldn't remember. Now there was light and happiness. After what she said last night he so badly wanted to say it back.

I think I'm in love with you

It sent chills down his spine just thinking about it. but he beat his brain into believing she didn't mean it. She was drunk, she was talking about the sex, she was in love with… not him. Did she even remember saying it?

He pulled out her chair for her as always before taking the seat next to her.

"You made all this just for the two of us?" she bumped her shoulder into his.

"I did. That a problem?" he bumped her back.

"No, its… its really nice. Thank you." he sensed a sadness in her voice. No, not sadness. Regret.

The meal went on in silence, both lost in their own heads. They each wanted the same thing from each other but were too afraid to ask. It was too soon. Reys heart needed healing and she had to figure out how she felt about Kylo and his job. Meanwhile Kylo needed to figure out what it is he really wanted, something in his life would have to change. Once they both finished, he took her hand in hers.

"Rey, I want to show you something." She nodded and let him lead her to one of the other rooms down the hall from his. She was proud to say she hadn't snooped. When he opened the door, she was completely taken by surprise. There were 3 folded flags on the wall with lights above them. underneath a glass case with pairs of boots. Another wall was covered in pictures. She could see Kylo in several of them, popping his head out of a tank or hugging his comrades. There was another case full of medals and his uniforms hung on the walls too. He was showing her another part of himself. He was figuring out what he wanted. She stopped in front of his combat uniform and noticed the embroidered name.

"Who is Ben solo?"

"Ben Solo is me." He cleared his throat and walked over to the picture wall smiling at the memories with his men. "I changed it after I was discharged because I had changed, not in a good way."

Rey stood next to him also scanning the pictures. She was confused but remined silent so he could tell his story.

"I joined because I believed I was doing something good. I thought I was making a difference. But I wasn't. All I did was kill people and watch my friends die." His eyes flickered to the flag wall and he winced inside remembering each of their deaths. They died and he kept living. "After I was honorably discharged, I came out with all this anger and rage. I was mad at the war, at the enemy, at myself. That's why I then took over my family business. I was angry and I wanted someone to pay even if I wasn't on the front lines anymore. I did this for all the wrong reasons." When he looked down at Rey, he saw such compassion. He reached up and cupped her face in his hands. "But then the espionage happened, and you happened. I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want to be Kylo Ren anymore. I don't know how to fix what I've done, or how to fix us."

Rey felt like her heart could explode for this man. Here he was showing her part of his past, pouring his soul out and on the verge of tears. She had never seen him like this, so much raw emotion. He truly was broken inside, just like her. That's why they connected so much despite their differences. Tentatively Rey placed her hands over his, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles.

"What do you know Ben Solo." She watched a single tear fall across his scar.

"I know that I would give everything up for you. I would let it all go because I just want to be with you." he leaned down resting his forehead on hers with eyes closed. "Say it and its done. Ill turn it into a nonprofit for soldiers with PTSD or something. I want to be good for you."

"Ben…" he felt her pulling away. She was going to run again.

He grabbed onto her hands stopping her. "Don't run away again. I can't take it when you run"

"I can't-"

"Rey, I love you!"

She never thought how she would feel if he said that to her. Part of her was screaming with joy while another part was begging her to run. For weeks now she had wanted to say those very same words to him, and she wanted him to say them too. But now she wasn't sure. The panic was rising in her, everything felt wrong but right in the same time.

"Rey, I love you." he said it again with more urgency. He watched her eyes change emotions so rapidly in the last few seconds he knew he was fighting an uphill battle.

"Rey-"

"Stop!" she shook off his hands and took a step back from him. "Stop saying that!"

"Why?!" he was hurt. After he handed her his heart, this is not what he expected.

"Because you don't mean it, no one… no one means it, people who say that just hurt me and I can't, I don't..." she felt like she couldn't breathe. Rey has had panic attacks before, but never did they hurt this bad.

Ben knew a panic attack when he saw one. Too many times had he comforted a friend who had one and even he had them. Her breathing was rapid, and her eyes were searching the room for anything to focus on. She put a hand on the wall to steady herself because the world around her was spinning. The idea of someone genuinely loving her scared her. All the memories of her father, the drugs, the empty fridge, living out of a car. I love you.

That was not love. What Ben was offering her was real love. Tangible, kissable, passionate love. All her life she wanted that. She only dreamed of falling and now that it was actually happening, she was scared. Everything was confusing. As her mind started to slow down, she became aware that she was pressed into a firm chest and familiar fingers were brushing through her hair. Slowly his voice of reassurance came into focus.

"It's okay. It was too soon. I'm sorry."

They stood there like that for a long time as he soothed her and she listened to his heart beat. He was right, it was too soon. She still struggled to process emotions and feeling that were unknown to her. The school therapist said that was normal for adults who come from that kind of childhood.

"I just need time." She whispered turning her face into him.

He kissed the stop of her head as he held her tighter. "I know. All the time in the world. It's yours."