Kylo had enough money to make this whole thing disappear. He made Phasma, the range and even his own hospital stay disappear from record. It was over. But everyday there was a vice around his heart. So badly he wanted to go to her, just to hold her or hear her voice. The minute he woke up from surgery, alone, he felt something shift in him. After weeks of fighting for her, changing his life, he just wasn't sure anymore. None of this was every supposed to happen. Rey wasn't supposed to stand at trial, she wasn't supposed to be waiting around for his lost soul and she definitely was not supposed to be kidnapped and held ransom. Kylo didn't want to hurt her anymore but he also couldn't let go.

When he returned to New York he sent her flowers everyday with letters. He wrote sweet nothings and affirmations; they were just for her. No one else would ever make him feel like this. They were connected through all this pain they have endured through their lives. He would write to her everyday until she was ready to come back to him. If she never did, so be it.

Days turned into weeks and that's when he got a call from finn. The desperation in his voice as he told him about Rey deteriorating before his eyes. Of course she was, after everything she had been through at his expense. Finn begged Kylo to come see her, he didn't know what to do. He was hesitant at first, he didn't want to upset her more, but he needed to see her. Not wanted, needed.

A few hours after the phone call he pulled up outside Finns complex. He was glad she was staying with him because this building was much more secure. Finn buzzed him in and led him into the apartment with a remorseful face. Immediately he spotted Rey tucked into a windowsill looking at the world bellow. His heart jumped in his throat as he took her in from afar. She was wearing his shirt but he could still see bruising on her face and her wrists were still wrapped in a bandage. She was mentally and physically broken.

He took a step in her direction but finn put a hand on his chest stopping him.

"She is my best friend." He said it as a warning but also a plea for Kylo to help her.

He nodded and finn dropped his hand letting Kylo approach her.

Rey saw him in the reflection of the glass as he got closer. At first, she thought she was imagining things. Until he said her name and she heard it clear as day. She turned her head so fast; he was really here.

"Kylo…" she whispered taking him in. It was the first word she said in over a week. His hair was getting longer and there was a dark stubble growing on his face. Maybe he was just as much a mess as she was.

"I'm here Rey." He gave her the faintest of smiles as he sat down next to her on the window seat, leaning against the pane. She pulled her knees to her chest to give him more room but did not return his smile. His fingers twitched to hold her, run his fingers through her hair. They sat there in silence for a moment just staring at each other. Rey was the first to look away.

"Is this what it feels like?" her voice was barley a whisper.

His brow furrowed, "Is this what what feels like?"

"When… when you, ya know…" kill someone. Her face was paling but he got the hint.

Kylo sighed and leaned his head back on the warm glass. "Yea the first few times."

"Oh." Her fingers were pulling at the thread in her jeans. She just wanted to keep her hands busy, she hated that she could still feel the Glock in her hand.

"Rey, it was in self-defense. She was going to kill both of us, she already shot me." He could help himself from reaching out and grabbing her trembling hands. "Neither of us would be alive right now if you didn't do what you did. You were so brave."

She finally looked back at him. "I don't feel very brave right now."

"I know, darling. I know." He squeezed her hand looked at her with so much regret. Regret for putting her through this, for all the time lost between them. to his surprise she moved forward and curled into him, instantly his arms enveloped her pulling her close. He stroked her hair as she cried softly into his chest.

"I think you should come stay with me for a little while, give Finn a break from sleeping on the couch."

Rey nodded as her tears came to a stop, he was so caring and patient with her. As was Finn but he was right, she must be such a burden on him, and she felt bad that he slept on the couch. She also felt guilty for not checking on how he was doing.

Kylo sighed in relief that she agreed to come stay with him. he hoped that things would go back to normal, back to before all this happened.

"We should go to your apartment and get a few things." He cursed under his breath feeling Rey tense up. Of course, he couldn't take her back there. "How about I go by myself." It wasn't a question. She relaxed again and pulled back from his chest looking up at him.

"I don't want to be alone." Her eyes were almost pleading with him.

He cupped her face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away the remaining tears. "You will never be alone again. I promise."

Finn clearing his throat brought them out of their trance with each other. He was holding reys backpack. Having overheard their conversation he decided to pack up what little she had here. for a while he never trusted this guy. Thought he couldn't be any good for Rey, and then Kylo proved otherwise. It was good for his best friend to go with him.

Rey climbed off of Kylo and took the bag from Finn, giving him a tight hug. "Thank you, for everything." Those where the first words she said to him in such a long time. Kylo reached out and shook his hand before placing a hand on reys lower back guiding her out the door to his car. He opened her door and he saw the way her checks tinted. Everything was going to be alright.

Xxx

As soon as Rey got in the car, she took a deep breath. It smelled like him and she deeply missed him. It was comforting to sit in his car with him, his hand on her knee, like old times. Like how things were supposed to be.

They went to her old apartment, but Rey waited in the car as Kylo went up. He grabbed a few bags full of clothes and toiletries. He would send a crew to pack up the rest of her stuff because even if she didn't stay at his place long, she would never return here. Before he left, he talked to one of her roommates and paid the lease by out. Once he loaded the bags into the car and returned to the drivers seat, her hand reached for his.

"Thank you."

"Anything for you." He raised her hand and kissed her knuckles before placing their held hands on her knee.

They returned to his place and he of course carried all the bags in. Rey was adamant about him not doing that because his wound, but he was stubborn. They spent the rest of the day unpacking her stuff in the spare room and Kylo offered to make dinner or order something. But Rey wanted to cook, she wanted a sense of normalcy. Anything to mask what was really happening in her life. She knew Finn had done the right thing and dropped her from her classes. She was also fired for not coming into work so many times. At the moment she had nothing going for her. But cooking dinner she could do.

Kylo was giving her wide berth. He only touched her if she touched him first. He hadn't even properly kissed her. As the night went on she was worried something had changed. He offered her the spare room and she took it even though she didn't want to. What she really wanted was to share space with him. Instead she found herself showering and getting ready for bed in that room she woke up in the first time she was here.

Anxiety ate at her as she laid in bed reading a book. A soft knock at her door startled her and she slammed the book shut like she had been caught doing something wrong. It felt wrong to be in bed without him.

"Hey, just wanted to say good night." He cleared his throat and put his hands in his sweat's pockets.

"Oh." she chewed her lip. "Goodnight."

He walked over slowly, and Rey felt her heart quicken. His hand brushed a stray piece of damp hair away from her face. Slowly he leaned down and she though he was going to kiss her. Instead he kissed her forehead, his lips lingering. "Good night." She blushed and looked at her hands in her lap as he left the room going to his own.

Both of them found it hard to sleep that night. Especially knowing they were so close but far. Kylo was still fulfilling his promise to give her space, that's why he offered her that other room. Sometime in the night Rey decided she couldn't sleep alone. She slipped into his bed, laying on her side facing him. he must have been awake because as soon as she settled in, his hand reached up to her side.

"Kylo?" she whispered gently.

"Hmm?" his fingers lazily brushed circles on her bare shoulder.

"Do you… do you still love me?" she thought he might see her differently after what happened in new jersey. Maybe he saw a monster in her like she once saw in him.

His fingers stopped moving and he slowly opened his eyes. Her heart pounded in her ears as she stared into his dark iris's.

"I will always love you, Rey."

She scooted closer, her lips centimeters from his. "Kiss me, Ben Solo." His heart jumped when she said his real name. Without hesitation he pulled her closer, pressing his lips against hers. Her fingers found their way into his hair and his tongue found its way into her mouth, the kiss quickly turning passionate. Her soft sighs and lips against his, the familiar feeling of her body against his own, he was going to lose his mind. Especially when she started kissing and sucking his skin down his jaw.

"I love you." she murmured into his skin. He almost didn't register what she had said.

"What?" he pulled her away, breathless, so that he could look at her face.

Her lips turned into the brightest smile he had ever seen. "I love you." she said it again, her fingers pushing hair away from his face. She said. She finally said it and she was sound of mind this time.

"Say it again." He was giving her that rare dimple smile, he was happy, the happiest he has been in a long time.

"I love you."

The second she said it Kylo rolled her over and braced himself above her, driving his lips into hers. She loved him, she really loved him. He kissed her with ever fiber of his being. It felt like everything in his life was leading up to this moment with Rey. The future he imagined with her it was real, it was right here, right now.