The Vampire Relationship Guide Volume one: Getting together & Copulating (Percy Jackson style)

Summary: Alisia is an average girl who just wants one thing out of life—to have a sexy vampire boyfriend. When she receives an invitation to a party thrown by one of South Carolinas richest vamps, she doesn't stop to question her luck; she just jumps into her favorite ensemble and heads out to the party of a lifetime, secretly hoping that she'll come home with the ultimate party favor.

But the mysterious undead aren't just pointy toothed hotties waiting to satisfy Alisia's vivid imagination—they are dangerous. With a single-minded focus on fulfilling her own scripted fantasies. Alisia has unwittingly propelled herself into the twisted world of vampire relationships with no one to guide her, because let's be honest the twilight saga doesn't count as a guidebook.

Note from the author: I hope you all enjoy…

Disclaimer: I do not own the Heroes of Olympus series nor the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series or The Vampire Relationship Guide series. Rick Riordan and Evelyn Lafont.

Part 1—How to Meet a Vampire Human

Chapter 5

I left the party feeling as if I'd dodged a bullet and a whistle on my lips to illustrate my fineness. My mother hates it when I whistle. She says it's not proper, though why she'd waste her breath on trying to correct years of disregard was anyone's guess. I walked outside and was greeted by the smell of salt water and the wet, oppressive blanket known as high humidity it was murder on my lungs. Since we were downtown, the buzz of cars dueled with the click of cicadas. Above all that I could hear the warm South Carolina breeze rustling though the maple trees. I headed to my car, the heels of my shoes making a rapid clicking noise across the asphalt.

When I reached my car I noticed a tall vampire standing near Minos's building, lighting a cigarette. I glanced over at him, trying to get a peek at his face. He was just the size I usually looked for when ogling my men, to top that he had and oddly graceful sexiness about him. He had shoulder length, dark chocolate brown hair that was layered and brushed his cheekbones in the front. He was wearing all black—black boots, black pants, black shirt, and black trench coat. The outfit would have been out of place on a human but since vamps ran cold I completely understood.

I must've stared at him a little too long because he looked at me and made that half scrunchy face that smokers make where on eye squints and their mouth puckers up and moves over to settle on that side of the face, it was kind of cute. He put his thumb and his forefinger to his lips and pulled out the cigarette.

"See something you like?" he asked as he blew cigarette smoke in my direction. His voice was a sexy soft baritone like you'd expect from an Italian and it sent shivers up my spine. He wasn't really rude when he said it, but I flushed crimson at the look he gave me afterwards.

"Oh, uh, sorry. I…I've just never seen a vampire smoke. You guys don't really breathe, do you?"

He made a sound that was like a laugh but not like a ha-ha-let's-share-a-joke kind of laugh. "You just came from a party with vampires in it and you don't even know if we breathe? Do you pay attention to anything that happens around you, or only what happens to you?"

I was pretty embarrassed and a bit offended by this odd vampire, but I couldn't really argue his point without admitting to my own shortcomings. After all, I did just come from a party full of vampires but wasn't actually sure whether or not they breathed. Then I remembered Minos sighing. "Oh yeah, I guess you guys do breathe."

"Oh yeah," he mocked playfully I flushed again. "And we have hearts and everything."

I looked at him for a minute, trying to come up with an impressive comeback, but all I could make my mouth say was, "Your mean."

I reached into my purse to get my keys out and was so flustered that the little mirror I keep in my bag to check my lipstick fell out and shattered. "Aww crap, I totally blame you for this you know! I've had that mirror for years and within five minutes of meeting you it's in billions of itty bitty pieces."

"Wow, guess you just bought yourself seven years of bad luck there, itty bitty diva." I got a foreboding feeling in my gut, which wasn't good.

I gave him one last pout, glared menacingly, got in my car, and left, realizing that my party experience had finally crashed and burned.