The Vampire Relationship Guide Volume one: Getting together & Copulating (Percy Jackson style)

Summary: Alisia is an average girl who just wants one thing out of life—to have a sexy vampire boyfriend. When she receives an invitation to a party thrown by one of South Carolinas richest vamps, she doesn't stop to question her luck; she just jumps into her favorite ensemble and heads out to the party of a lifetime, secretly hoping that she'll come home with the ultimate party favor.

But the mysterious undead aren't just pointy toothed hotties waiting to satisfy Alisia's vivid imagination—they are dangerous. With a single-minded focus on fulfilling her own scripted fantasies. Alisia has unwittingly propelled herself into the twisted world of vampire relationships with no one to guide her, because let's be honest the twilight saga doesn't count as a guidebook.

Note from the author: Final Exam's suck so much…

Disclaimer: I do not own the Heroes of Olympus series nor the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series or The Vampire Relationship Guide series. Rick Riordan and Evelyn Lafont. If I did Nico would have everything he ever wanted.

Part 2—Scoring a Date with a Vampire Human

Chapter 7

Two weeks later I was sitting on the porch of my house. I live in a small one story house that I received from my great-grandfather when he passed away. My home is like a slightly bigger version of the children's playhouse my family owned when I was younger. The house itself is about 800 square feet with a small kitchen, dining area, sleeping cranny, bathroom, and a second bedroom I use as storage space.. It was perfect for me because I really don't want to be that far away from my home town, I've got safety issues.

So there I was on the porch in one of my grandmother's old rocking chairs looking at my next door neighbor's wonderful garden, sighing happily about the end of exam week. I've never been I deeply religious person despite going to church every other Sunday, but today I was praising the lord, for Hell Week was finally over. Schools out for the summer and final exams are no more, Thank god!

With my impending doom via exams finally lifted my mind drove back to my rather disastrous party going escapade. My flirtation skills sucked and I kept running into hot people that gave me 'creepy vibes'. While one vampire I met was good-looking and rude, he had also made it a point to come all the way to my workplace to 'apologize for his nicotine withdrawal induced rudeness'. Although, the way he delivered said apology left me wondering why he came around to bother me at all. And the vampire I had planned on flirting with had turned out to give me the willies. I sighed leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes, flirting was just not my area of expertise.

It was in that moment that my cordless phone which was outside with me, started to ring in my ear. Taking a small sip of my grandmother's homemade lemonade, I decided to answer even though I didn't recognize the number.

"Hi, this is Alisia; may I ask whose calling?" I called gently into the receiver.

"Hullo" A deep voice sounded, slipping over my body like warm water on the coldest ice. Well shit, I was surprised to hear from the 'creeper'—and here I had hoped the waiter destroyed my accursed number, what a bad sign…

"Alisia, I had hoped you would call before I got back." He said in a slightly mournful tone.

"Back?"

"Yes. I was out of the country on business. I had hoped you were going to call me, so we could discuss possibly going on a date. Oh, but it seems I've beaten you to the punch?" He had a sort of teasing tone, as if he knew I wouldn't actually call him to ask for a date. Ten years' worth of lectures about feminism reared it's viciously proud head and I decided that I'd deflate the bastards ego and throw him off of his game as well.

"Oh, we're quite presumptuous aren't we calling stunning young ladies over the phone and assuming they will graciously accept dating requests…" my voice trailed off quietly. Flick that sounded like a teasing invitation for him to ask me out, how the hell had that happened.

"My, my. In about nine hundred years you are the first woman to ever tease me about possibly saying no. So, my dear will you do me the honor of going on a date with me?"

I was a bit miffed at the humor in his tone; he made me want to accept only to stand him up on the spot. I sighed a bit annoyed with the path my thoughts had taken. Maybe I was letting my overactive imagination run away with me, should I give him a chance? It wasn't like I had ever been on a real date before, and I could most certainly use the experience.

"Sure why not. Where shall we go?"

"Well start small"

"Alright, what exactly does small entail?" I asked my voice sounding a bit curious despite myself.

"Sailing, followed by dinner at a lovely little Italian restaurant I'm fond of."

"Sailing?" I said testing the word out slowly, as if I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted to have awkward flash backs of embarrassing childhood memories made at such places.

"Yes, Sailing. We'll have a grand time out on the lake; just make sure you're dressed appropriately. The wind can be quite cold if you don't have protection of some kind covering you, I'm told. What time should I pick you up?"

I laughed softly my voice coming across a tad bit aspirated. "That sounds like quite the treat. I'll be ready at five." I had never been sailing before, but it sounded interesting enough, hopefully there wouldn't be swimming involved.

"I'm looking forward to it. See you then, Mon chou." We each hung up.