Boo watched me walk into the building. I felt her eyes on me the whole way inside. Using the set of keys I had been given I opened the door to the apartment. Nobody was around to greet me, but I was sure they wouldn't just let me be on my own like this. Calmly, I walked into Boo's room and set down the shopping bags I had amassed. Then I went to Stephen's door and knocked lightly. I heard Stephen say, "Come in," so I opened the door and peeked my head in.
"Hi," I said with a small smile. Stephen sat on his bed against his pillows. He had a book in his hands. He looked very relaxed. This was not a Stephen I was used to seeing. I leaned against the door frame. "So, Boo and I just finished shopping. I have more clothes now. Yay. Anyway, I was wondering if maybe you had an electric razor? And could I borrow it?"
"An electric… razor?" He echoed. He was halfway off the bed now, but my request caused him to pause. I nodded. "Can I ask what for?"
I pursed my lips and grabbed a chunk of hair on the top of my head. "I'm going to get rid of this. It's ridiculous and awful and I just really hate it. Plus, it smells like cat food. And it feels like… I don't know. Like bacon."
"Sure," he said. Stephen was used to my metaphors. I don't know what I expected him to do, but he walked to me and pressed his face against the top of my head. "It isn't so bad," he said after sniffing.
"For someone with so many secrets," I teased, "you're a terrible liar." He walked passed me and I followed him to the bathroom where he took a razor out of that cabinet. I said, "Thanks," as he handed it to me and left me to do the deed. I turned the razor on. It buzzed quieter than I expected. I looked up at my reflection. "Do you think maybe I should cut it shorter first?" I yelled.
"It should be short enough," Stephen yelled back. I took a deep breath and raised my hand to my hair. A weird yelp rose from my throat before the blades could cut into my hair. I cried out for Stephen. He appeared in the doorway looking alarmed. I turned off the razor.
"I need your help. I can't do it."
His shoulders relaxed and he pinched his nose. "Maybe you just shouldn't cut it then."
"No, I need you to. Please," I begged waving the razor at him. Stephen sighed and took it from my hand. He stepped into the tiny bathroom behind me and turned the razor back on. I squeezed my eyes shut tight enough that I saw colorful splotches against the darkness.
When I first felt the edge pressed against my head, I made a little whimpering noise. The sound of the razor was worse when it was pressed against my skull. It freaked me out. Then I could feel air on my scalp. It was an unpleasant sensation.
"So Boo and I were doing math," I said loudly to make sure I was being heard over the buzzing.
"Were you?" Stephen asked.
"We were trying to figure out how long I could have been out for the other night." Stephen hesitated for a moment but didn't say anything. "We went before sunset. I remember the sun setting while I was waiting with you. And then at some point after dark they made me take a bath."
"They made you take a bath?"
"Yeah, in river water. I needed to be cleansed." I made a face. "It was gross and cold. Anyway, that part couldn't have been more than 10 minutes. And it must have taken between 30 and an hour for them to have gotten the stone and brought it to the house. So I'd say I was there for about 3 hours before the actual ritual thing happened. Then we figure I was… asleep for another hour, maybe a little longer. Then we woke up, fought, and went to Marble Arch.
"Maybe it's useless, but I just really feel like something important happened and I'm just missing a big chunk of information. Sid knew my name when he woke up, but he had never met me before. Sadie acted like she knew us. I had to have done something in that time to get all three of you. They were gone for years. I had to have gotten them out somehow but i don't understand why."
Stephen was quiet for a while. Finally, he turned off the razor and he put his hand on my shoulder. "Finished."
"Does it look bad?"
"No," he said, "actually, not at all."
"I feel like you're lying to me," I said. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I pressed my lips firmly together. My face looked even rounder without anything to shape it. Stephen had managed to leave a layer of dark fuzz attached to my scalp so I wasn't completely bald. I ran my hand over my head. "I look like Britney Spears in 2007."
"Minus the breakdown," Stephen said. I looked at his reflection standing behind the girl who was supposed to be me.
"Are you sure about that?"
He ignored this, and pressed his nose to the top of my head again. "And you'll be glad it doesn't smell like cat food anymore."
"Was that a joke?" I asked. The corner of my lips twitched.
"An attempt at one," he admitted. He walked out with his razor and went back to his room. I went and grabbed a broom to sweep up the damaged hair on the floor and throw it away. When I felt the bathroom was sufficiently clean, I went back to Stephen's room. He left the door open. He had started to read his book again and he sait on the edge of his bed.
"At least I bought lots of hats today." I ran my hand back and forth over the stubble. Scratchy, smooth. "I'm already cold enough as it is."
"I wasn't lying," Stephen said. He finally looked up and my heart did a weird flip. Why? "It looks good." My face felt a little warm.
"Thanks. What I was telling you earlier," I started but I hesitated. He didn't look away from me. I bit my lip. "Maybe it is pointless trying to figure out if something happened, but if I brought those two monsters back, I want to know."
"Monsters," he said. It wasn't a question but it wasn't an agreement either.
"They killed one of their most loyal followers with no hesitation. They lied to her about whatever they planned to do. About what they were. That seems pretty monstrous to me," I huffed.
Something flickered across Stephen's face but I couldn't make out what it was. "I don't think you did anything that brought them back," he said.
"They were gone for years and they came back in one night. The same night I went to go get you. In a ritual meant to get them back. I'm pretty sure it was something I did. I want to know what I did, and I want to know how they know us."
Stephen closed his book and set it aside. He rested his elbows on his knees and sat in that particular boy-ish position with his legs open. He was in full listening mode, but suddenly I felt like I had nothing more to say. That was new. I always had something to say. "I don't know what happened the other night, and I don't know why they're back, but I don't think it's your fault, Rory. I think you did what you felt you had to, and them coming back was some sort of… side effect. Perhaps we were on some sort of plane, some sort of different dimension. Maybe we were nowhere." He took a deep breath. "Whatever it was, I don't think we can really understand what happened."
There it was again, that nagging feeling that he wasn't being honest about something. He did think it was my fault. He was just being nice. I sighed. I was not going to constantly hound him to tell me the truth. "Thanks," I sighed, although I didn't feel better.
"You said they made you drink something," Stephen said, changing the subject. "Did you know what it was?"
"Everything Jane told me was in it was harmless. I knew there had to be something else."
"But you drank it anyway. And when you force fed it to Sadie, it affected her."
"She didn't die," I noted.
"I don't think they can," Stephen said. His voice was hard now. This had obviously been on his mind for a bit, and he was angry. "But you could."
I pursed my lips. "I'm alive now. Whatever I was in that time, both of us are alive."
"Why would you willingly drink poison?"
"Why would you willingly get in a car accident?" A moment of silence passed between us.
"I'm not worth dying for, Rory," Stephen said.
"Neither am I," I retorted. We stared each other down for a moment. "You think you're not worth dying for because you just… I don't know. You don't have any sense of how- how good you really are. I didn't know what I was going to do, I didn't know if I would die or what." I was yelling at him now. How could I make him understand? "All I knew is there was a chance I could bring you back and I was going to take it because you didn't deserve to die, especially not because of my stupid choices. You're worth saving, Stephen."
"At the cost of your own life?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed, exasperated. I put my hands on my head. "Damn it, yes. You are. You don't think so. I know that. I get it, but you have to find it in you somewhere to let me think it for you. Even if you don't feel anything for me other than responsibility, that doesn't change the fact that I care about you. You died just cause you felt responsible for me, I can't die a little because I actually care about you?"
If it was possible, the crease in between his eyebrows deepened. He took a deep breath. I watched his chest rise with it. I softened a bit. Stephen looked sad. Hurt, actually. "Rory, I… I need you to understand something. It's important." He struggled with what he wanted to say. He almost sounded choked. Stephen took another breath, and picked his words carefully. "I care… very deeply about you. I don't think you need protecting because of what you can do, or because I think you're fragile. I think you are very brave.
"Overall I still see you as you. I don't care that you are a terminus. I don't want to keep you safe simply because of that. If anything it's the opposite. I want to protect you from anyone who only sees you for your power. The twins, Jane, even Thorpe. I want to protect you from losing your life, whether to death or to the sight. You can have a life. I want that for you. You are not just a responsibility to me. The other night…"
He paused and looked away from me. I stepped closer to him, close enough to touch him if I wanted. I didn't touch him, but I could. Stephen sighed and looked back up at me. This was still difficult for him, but I needed to hear it. We both knew we could not move forward if he didn't say it. "I didn't come after you because I felt responsible." I felt myself deflate. Oh. That's what he was talking about. Of course. "I came after you because I care about you, too."
I pressed my lips together, concentrating my focus on a blank spanse of his wall beside his closet. I could feel him watching me. After a few breaths, I turned back to him, trying to smile. "Can we at least agree, then, that I won't put myself in danger for your sake, and you won't put yourself in danger for my sake?"
Stephen nodded. I don't think he was actually willing to make this deal, but he was relenting, at least for now.
"Hello?" Freddie called from the doorway. I stepped out into the sitting room. Her eyes got big as she saw me. "Wow," She said. I ran my hand over my head self consciously. Stephen stepped out behind me. "Okay. Maybe you'll be happy about what I brought you, then." Freddie smiled and hopped over the couch parkour style. She handed me a big paper bag.
I didn't know what to expect, but it definitely wasn't human hair. I flipped. "What, did you scalp someone?" And then, of course, I understood. My brain was a little slow sometimes. "Wait, are these wigs?"
"Yeah," she laughed.
I took one out. It felt nice. Nothing like the synthetic, plasticky wig I wore for Halloween in 8th grade. "Where did you get wigs?"
Freddie shrugged. "I know a girl."
She didn't offer up anymore information so I didn't ask. I flipped the wig over and put it on my head. I tried to brush it down with my fingers. I felt another pair of hands on my head. Stephen was helping me fit it properly. I turned to him and asked, "What do you think?"
He looked me over and nodded. "You make a good ginger," Freddie said.
"Thanks. It feels real."
"I mean, it is human hair." That tidbit creeped me out a little but at least it looked authentic then.
There were a few more in the bag. Different colors, so I could change it up. I felt a little relieved. I glanced at Stephen, and I thought maybe we were having the same thought. This would give me more freedom.
"You probably shouldn't wear this one," he said, holding up one of the wigs. It was longish, but still shorter than my hair was before I had to cut it. I knew why he said that. Even though the color wasn't loud, it was still pink. Very soft pink and blonde. They almost blended. That's how light the pink was.
I took it from him and tried it on. "But it's so pretty." I pouted.
"Yeah, I figured you might not be able to. That one was for funsies," Freddie said.
"Funsies?" I echoed with a smile. Freddie smiled back and nodded. "Thank you," I said again. "A lot."
Freddie blushed a little and raised her shoulders. "You're welcome."
Something on Stephen dinged and he pulled out his phone. Excusing himself, he stepped out of the room and closed his bedroom door. I looked at his door for a second as he started talking to someone then went back to my new bag of freedom. I tried on the rest of the wigs. There was a range of colors and lengths, even a grey/silver wig that according to Freddie was also for "funsies." There was one in the bag that was close to my natural hair color, but a different style than how my hair had been cut. I looked at each one in the bathroom, and decided I liked this one best so I kept it on. It made me feel normal again. My face didn't look so round with these on.
Stephen came back out. Seeing me, he paused and then nodded. I figured he liked this one best, too. "That was Thorpe. There's something I need to do." At this he stopped and looked down at his phone for a minute, even though it was just black screen. He sighed. Always sighing. "He wants me to take you two with me."