Chapter 5

The Way He Broke Her

*mention of disturbing themes at the end*

Clary could still feel the ache in her chest from prom night as if it were fresh. And the hurt was not because of her ruined plans but because even after all of it she had still wanted Jace but knew that he only came with empty promises.

Shifting around she felt the pressing of her bladder. After a whisper to Simon, she made her way pass the full row of audience members. But when she turned down the hall, her peripherals caught the tall shadowed figure of Jace jogging down the steps.

Panic shook her, and her pace double timed. She busted through the heavy swinging doors and fast walked to the bathroom. Was he really trying to talk to her? Maybe she should go say hi... No! That's exactly what he wanted. When she said she 'never wanted to see him again,' she meant it. Well... She meant to mean it.

The other girls in the bathroom did their business and washed up in a hurry to get back to their movie. However, she took all the time she pleased. And when the bathroom was empty she still waited there, biting her nails. She could feel the pull towards him like he was still her center of gravity. Jace always felt like her sun. As if, he filled her with a buzzing energy when she was near him. Clary mentally scolded herself again for thinking that way.

She slyly peeked out the door. Honestly, not sure if she hoped to see him or not. Alas, the cinema halls were filled with only a few strays. Clary exhaled slowly and headed back to the theater. Yet, the curling pit in her stomach transformed from fear of speaking to him, to the fear that he actually did not care to speak to her.

Clary pushed back into the dark theater, the glowing light of the large screen seeped around the corner. But before she could even head for it, the darkness grabbed ahold of her. Its long slender fingers intertwined with hers, and pressed her back to the wall, minted breath fanning her face. And she wasn't scared. Because, the buzzing energy had returned full force. Yet, Jace didn't say anything. He just stood in front of her, hands clasped with hers, neither holding her there nor letting her go. The little light cast shadows across his perfectly sculpted face. He looked conflicted as she did. Yet, in her fantasy of fantasies, Jace spoke. He apologized for breaking her heart, confessed his love, and asked her to run away with him. But in reality, the theater doors swayed open as strangers made their through. And in the brightened darkness, Jace's hands slipped from hers. Just like always. How fitting.

Clary hurried past the others and back to the safety of her seat. If Simon noticed her panting breaths, he made no comment. Her eyes floated to the stairs, waiting for Jace to come around the corner. But, minute after minute passed and there was no sight of him. Suddenly perplexed, Clary whipped around in search of Jace in the rows above her. Could all of it have been a fantasy? But, Jace could not be found up there either. She only saw an empty seat next to girl he came with, who now looked worried. Clary settled back in, though her mind too far racing to capture any of the movie. Eventually, Jace's blonde date left down the stairs, as well. It was clear Jace was not coming back and even maybe that would be the last she saw of him. But that was not the first time Clary had assumed that...

By the time Clary was ready to graduate, Jace had finished his Associate's degree at the local college.
And for the past few months he had been dating Clary's dark-haired beauty of a neighbor, Katerina, as well as other girls she was certain. Katerina had just started her Master's program and moved back in with her parents to save money. Clary often saw him picking her up and dropping her off.

Somewhere along the way, since their blowup at prom, Jace and Clary had resolved their issues. Meaning Jace pretended it never happened. Although, their relationship became strictly friendly. Clary typically only saw Jace when she was with Isabelle somewhere. Never Sebastian. If they ran into each other among friends, Jace would chat with her for a bit. Then once he was sufficiently drunk, he would wander off to find some other girl to paw over. If Clary had let it, those times would have destroyed her. Instead, she let the bitterness harden into a deep core where her feelings for Jace resided. Unfairly so, she knew. She was the one with a boyfriend. She was the one who told him to back off. Yet, another part of her wished he wouldn't. But what kept her from throwing in the towel and letting Jace do with her what he willed? The fear that nothing came after that...

However, though his night's ended with other girls, Clary relished that he started them with her. Talking and laughing with her for hours sometimes. It was those moments, that his once spoken words, 'My Girl,' felt genuine.

On the evening before her High School graduation, Clary sat in her bay window sketching. The glass pushed open, so she could catch some fresh air and capture the sunset. She noticed the familiar rumbling of Jace's old beat up convertible as it cruised by and parked diagonally across the street from her. He got out and walked around to stand against the passenger door. He immediately looked up smiling to Clary in the window, as if he already knew she was there. He gave a light wave and Clary swooned. He was the most handsome thing she had ever seen. And she would swear the warmth outside was coming from him and not the blazing sunset. Feeling bold, Clary blew him a kiss. Jace's grin grew wider and his hand came up and 'caught' her kiss. They both gazed happily at each other for what felt like several content minutes, until Katerina came outside. Jace and the girl embraced and kissed passionately before they got into the car and drove off into the sunset. Clary spent the rest of her night alone in bed watching Netflix, until she fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, a loud thud woke her from her sleep. She gasped up in bed and peered around her dark room. The moonlight spilled through her still open window. She could hear scuffling and muffled noises coming from outside. She creeped up to it curiously, poking her head out the siding. In the towering tree of her side yard, a figure cloaked in leather was shifting in the branches. Her eyes squinted into the darkness before grabbing a cardigan. She made haste down the stairs, stopping in the kitchen to rummage through the junk drawer till she found a gold key attached to a short lanyard of plastic beads.

She stepped through the front door, cringing when it loudly creaked. Then, padded slowly up to the large oak tree, shaking her head at the grunting man trying to squeeze himself through the small square window of wood.

"Are you breaking and entering, Herondale?" She voiced.

Jace sounded hardly surprised to see her out there. "It's a tree house." He defended.

"Yeah. My treehouse."

Jace finally let go, and leaped to the ground with a thud on his boots before he pitched forward onto his knees. "That's why I thought I'd be welcome." He groaned, standing up with a wobble.

Clary smirked and climbed up the small wooden pegs nailed to the trunk of the tree. As she gripped the lock to insert the key, Jace placed a hand on the small of her back for support. With a click, she unhooked the lock and shoved open the door of thin wood. Clary climbed through the hole, Jace right behind her. Inside the treehouse, there were a couple dirty blankets, a few water-logged books, and crinkled pictures and posters taped to the walls.

"I love what you've done with the place." Jace said, as he made himself comfortable. He took out a metal flask and took a sip.

Clary laughed and sat against the adjacent wall. "I haven't been up here in a long time." She replied. After a beat of silence Clary spoke. "What are you doing here anyway, Jace?" She wondered out loud.

"For the same reason you are here." He proclaimed.

Clary raised an eyebrow. "You recognize a self-destructing person when you see one and want to make sure they don't get hurt?" She jabbed.

Jace nodded fast. "Precisely." He confirmed.

Clary crossed her arms, unsure if he was kidding or not.

Jace ripped and old photo off the wall from beside him. It was of Clary and Isabelle as kids and he smirked looking at it.

"Did you and Katerina have a nice time tonight?" She asked, feeling the need to make conversation.

Jace nodded, still looking at the photo, but he passed the flask over to Clary. She took a drink, cringing slightly at the taste. "What did you guys do?" She pressed for more.

"Got dinner and then went back to my apartment." He shrugged. Clary had been to Jace's apartment a few times before with Isabelle. Her older brother Alec was his roommate.

"Why didn't you guys just stay there?" She pried, continuing to sip from the flask.

Jace smirked, he sat patiently just watching her. His eyes looked heavy with sleep and alcohol. "She usually doesn't sleep over." He admitted.

Clary nodded. Then, she tipped her head back and drained the rest of the contents down her throat. "She just comes over to have sex." It was meant as question but did not come out that way. She tossed the empty metal container to him, and he laughed feeling the light weight of it.

"You sound jealous Clary. What's wrong? The good ole boyfriend not given it to you how he should?" He teased.

Clary laughed and wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand. "Try not at all." She whined. Yet, she instantly bit her tongue with regret.

"Pardon?" Jace said, appalled.

Clary threw her hands over her eyes and shook her head. "Never mind." She groaned. Jace's warm hand encircled her ankle. With a yank, he dragged her to him until her legs laid across his lap. He pried her hands from her face to reveal his waiting look.

Clary gave an embarrassed sigh. "I don't want to discuss my sex life with you."

Jace laced his fingers through hers. "If you're not going to let me be a part of your sex life, the least you could do is tell me what I'm missing." He grinned playfully.

Clary pulled her hands from his. She grinned and tried to shake off the blush of her cheeks. Jace's hands went to tracing her knee caps. "Well... in case you did not know, Sebastian is the son of a pastor and has always planned on becoming a minster of the faith after college," She began. "And after you so rudely started shit and ruined my Prom night plans," She pinched his arm, scolding him. Though Jace had once apologized, his responding smirk said he felt everything but sorry about it. "He took it as a sign from God that he indeed needed to wait for marriage when it came to sexual stuff." She finished.

Jace's hand gripped her thigh in shock. "Stuff? So, you haven't done anything since then?" Clary just nodded in confirmation. Then, Jace's eyes left hers and dropped down, gazing at her all over. He licked his lips. "You poor thing." He breathed. Clary could feel herself heat up all over at the weight of his gaze. Whatever he was picturing in his mind, she could practically feel. And she'd be lying to herself if she said she didn't want all of it.

"I mean we do some things..." She stuttered.

"Oh, yeah?" He urged. With a swoop of his arm around her, Jace pulled her so that she was straddled across him. His fingertips trailed up her thighs. "Do you sit together like this?" He questioned.

Clary swallowed. It had been too long since she was in this position with Jace. "Sometimes." She answered honestly. "What about you and Katerina?" She countered. She would not have him play her that easy.

Jace fought a grin, amused by how she knew just how to bite back. "Sometimes." He echoed. However, he was not dismayed. "And does he touch you like this?" Jace's hands moved around her hips, pressing the taught skin of her lower back, they came back around, trailing up the thin material of her tank top. Her nipples peaked under the caress. Calloused knuckles, rolled over her collar bone, until he pushed the cardigan off her shoulders. Clary's heart beat wildly, Sebastian was the furthest thing from her mind.

"I don't..." Clary started to speak but was not sure what she intended to say.

Jace sat up closer, flush against her. "Does he kiss you?" He murmured, eyes on her lips.

"Yes." She replied bluntly.

"Can I?" He whispered, looking back into her eyes.

Clary answered by pressing her lips to his. Her arms wrapped around his neck, holding him to her. They kissed slowly, Jace's strength gripping her hips tighter and tighter to him. Heat grew between them and Jace pulled off the rest of her cardigan as well as his leather jacket. Clary broke away gasping, "Do you kiss Katerina like this?" She questioned.

Jace did not hesitate. "No." He replied, biting at her lower lip. His confidence pleased her and she fought a smile. It made Jace grin and kissed her again, tongue first. He then peppered her neck with smooches. "I've missed this." He finally sighed.

Clary let go a shaky breath. "We should probably stop." She pushed back against him.

Jace fell back on his own, unconcerned. He made a makeshift pillow of his leather jacket under his head. He smiled content, and played with the waistband of her sleep shorts.

"This isn't fair to them." She stated, knowing Jace was aware who she spoke of.

Jace made a sideways frown. "Katerina doesn't really count. You're the one with a boyfriend." He spoke like the word disgusted him.

"Well then... exactly." Clary vacillated. She climbed off of Jace's lap, only then spotting his bulge of an erection. Jace chuckled and pulled her down beside him. His hand traced patterns on her back and his nose nodded against hers. It seemed to tire him because he closed his eyes while he spoke to her. "I don't understand why you are still with him." He declared.

Clary shrugged awkwardly in the fold of his arms. "Seb is a good guy. Isn't that what every girl wants in the end? The perfect gentleman? No baggage, everything figured out?"

"Is that what you want?" He puzzled, his eyes popping open.

Perhaps it was simply what she wanted to see but, the tension in his face almost seemed like he was hurt by it. Clary sighed, and ran a hand through his blond locks. Jace seemed to melt into her touch, the tension subsiding a fraction. His grip around her pulled even closer.

"Maybe, I just want to be someone's number one." She admitted.

Jace's breath fanned her face. "I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear that you were mine." He confessed, closing his eyes again. Yet, his words brought her no peace. Clary withdrew from his arms and sat up, her knees hugged tight to her chest. She stared at him resting peacefully and felt the need to correct herself. "Maybe, I just want to be someone's only one." She whispered.

But, Jace's breathing had slowed, his arms laid limp on the floor and across his stomach. Clary smiled sadly and leaned down to kiss his forehead. She tucked the treehouse key in his hand and left him, bound for her own bed.

The next morning when Clary woke up, she traipsed to her window and peered out to see Jace's car still parked across the street. The tall, tanned boy stood at his open trunk changing out of his t-shirt in exchange for another. She bit her lip watching the flex of his abs as he reached overhead.

In a quick hop-to, she got dressed and ran downstairs. Her mother was in the kitchen cooking a full balanced breakfast.

"It's Graduation Day!" Her mother cheered.

Clary kissed her mother on the cheek and then grabbed a tortilla from the pantry. She scooped eggs, hash-browns, sausage and cheese a top it and rolled it up into a tight foiled covered burrito. She piped to her mother that she would return in a minute.

When she came out the door, Jace was leaning against his trunk. He popped a couple Aspirin in his mouth and washed it down with water as Clary strolled up to him.

"Hangover breakfast." She announced and offered him the burrito with a smile.

Jace smirked. He reached out but instead of taking the burrito, he grabbed her wrist jerking her to him. His hands cupped her soft freckled cheeks as his lips caressed hers.

Clary stepped away with a breathy laugh, "Oh, is that where we are at now?"

"You tell me." He coaxed.

She grasped his open palm and slapped the burrito into it. "I still have a boyfriend, you know. Last night didn't change that." She articulated.

Jace spoke through a mouth full of food. "That's fine. But if he's not making you cum, someone should." He smirked. Clary shoved him playfully in rebuke

"Are you waiting on Katerina again?" She asked as she watched him hungrily stuff his face.

"Yeah, she wants to go to a baseball game." Jace squished the foil into a ball, tossing it into the car. Then, in a foul swoop he grabbed Clary by the hips and plopped her on top of the trunk. He pressed close to her, standing between her legs. "That was delicious. You're too good to me." He grinned in thanks.

One look from him like that and Clary was falling at his feet. She was fairly certain they both knew it. She bit her lip, and wiped the corners of his mouth with her thumb. "I know." She sighed.

He was about to say something when he looked up behind her. Clary twisted to see Katerina at her front door, locking up. With two fingers on her chin, Jace turned her face back to him.

"Say the word and I will take you instead." He offered, his eyes completely sincere. A blossom of hope bloomed in the pit of Clary's stomach. She had assumed their conversation last night was mostly drunk ramblings but what if he was trying to tell her that she was number one? What if he wanted her to be his only one?

"Sorry, I can't. I have to go graduate remember?" She recounted with a smirk. Jace held onto her hands as she hopped off the car. When her feet were flat on the ground he pulled her into a tight bear hug and kissed the top of her head. "Congratulations, babe." He murmured against her hair. As she walked away, Jace held onto her hand until their arms were both extended and their fingers slipped away unable to reach any further.

Back in her house, Clary spied through the window of her door as Katerina walked up to him, pointing accusingly in Clary's direction. Jace simply shrugged and opened the car door for her. He pulled Katerina in for a kiss before she got in. And from there Clary watched them drive away, all the while wondering what part of Jace was real.

By nightfall, everything had blurred... literally. Christmas lights twinkled around her in multi-colors. Music vibrated through her soul. The table she stood on rocked underneath her teasing to give way any second. And Clary had never been happier. She had graduated, had dinner with her parents, got ice cream with her boyfriend, got dumped and went to the senior farewell party where she had been sipping on tequila ever since.

From her little bubble of paradise on top of her world, she was yanked down to her knees. Dark eyes framed with straight black hair bore into hers. Clary watched her mouth move up and down in urgency as if she was trying to communicate something. Either from the bumping music or the rushing in her ears, Clary made no sense of what she was saying. Yet, she nodded in approval and gave a thumbs up before going back to her dance party. Another body joined her, Clary didn't care who it was but she decided they needed to hear why Inception was in fact the greatest movie of all time. The large person held on tight to her. This was probably to make sure he didn't fall off the un-sturdy table.

Suddenly, butterflies tickled up her torso and she could swear the early summer heat grew sweltering. When she spun around she zeroed in on Jace and his halo of gold curls. He angrily had a cigarette pinched between his lip as his hand shoved at the guy beside Clary.

"Jace!" She shrieked in excitement, launching herself at him. Her legs wrapped like wire around his waist. His flat hand pressed against the bare skin of her back with security. The simplest of touch jolted desire through her.

"Hi, baby." He breathed against her neck.

He carried her away until the music died to dull background noise. And as he held her, Clary traced her lips along his neck, tasting him with her tongue, biting at his jaw. Then they stumbled and her back slammed into the ragged bark of a tree. Jace flicked his cigarette to the ground and his hand gripped her jaw, holding her in place as his mouth smothered hers. Clary clung to him with desperation. Her nails gripped the tendrils of his hair by the roots. His lips plucked from hers and his breathing came out labored and shaky.

"I need you to stop, okay?" He uttered.

Clary bit her lip and shook her head slowly.

Jace's frustrated composure cracked with a smile. "Clary we are in the middle of someone's front yard, you are wearing nothing but a bra and little jean shorts, you are completely trashed, but if you keep kissing me I can guarantee we won't leave this spot and as much as I would enjoy that... It still won't be worth how angry you will be with me tomorrow." He explained, tucking her wild strands of red behind her ear. Jace used her pause to remove his leather jacket and slip it around Clary. He lifted her in his arms like the damsel in distress she was and carried her to his car. In the backseat of his convertible Isabelle hung her head over the side and threw up the contents of her stomach. Alec held back her hair and shook his head in disapproval.

"I told you Jace would be able to get her attention." Isabelle groaned.

Once Clary was placed lightly in the backseat, Isabelle threw her arms around her and they snuggled close together, no further questions asked.

Clary woke a couple hours later in an unfamiliar bed. Jace's leather jacket was gone, replaced with an oversized T-shirt. She sat up in a panic, the dark surrounding her.

The door from the bathroom creaked open and the light poured in. Clary flinched and hid away under the sheet.

"Hey! You're fine. It's just me." Came Jace's soothing voice. She huffed a large sigh in relief and fell back on the mattress. Jace sat next to her chuckling.

"What time is it?" Clary puzzled.

"Only 2am." He answered.

Clary hummed, and tucked the sheets around herself.

"Do you need to shoot Sebastian a text? He hasn't called wondering if his abandoned girlfriend died of alcohol poisoning or anything." He grunted with disdain.

"Unsurprising." Clary grumbled. "He broke up with me actually. Decided that with college starting he didn't need anything holding him back. Which is quite ironic because there I was going on about how he was the perfect guy but turns out I'm not the perfect girl."

Jace sat quiet for a long time. "I wish I could say I'm sorry but it would be a lie." He decided on.

What started as a lame chuckle of humor led Clary into a full fit of giggles until Jace was laughing too. Climbing on top of her, he put a finger to her lips and shushed her. Clary bit at his finger and Jace teased her, playing with her lips. Once Clary captured it she was gentler. She sensually sucked the length of this finger and Jace watched her, completely enthralled.

"Are you still drunk?" He inquired.

"Sobering up." She replied as Jace rested his forehead on hers. Clary was none too choked up about her break up at that point. She was ready to dive head first into everything Jace. Reservations be damned. If he wanted her she wanted him. She was only disappointed in the time wasted.

"You know..." She started in a whisper. "I never got a graduation gift from you."

Jace was leaving a trail of pecks down her neck. "I can rectify that right now if you like?" He murmured. Clary hummed in approval.

Jace pulled her up in the sitting position just to remove her large t-shirt before pinning her back to the mattress. He kissed her all tongues and teeth till she was breathless. His chest smothered her torso and she wiggled against him to remove her bra. She finally wanted nothing between them. Jace reared away gazing at her for a moment before stripping away his own shirt. When he came back to her, his wet mouth grazed over her nipples, his hand caressing her arching ribcage. Clary was panting beneath him. Tingles creeped all through her skin at every tweak of the fingers and every tug of his teeth. His kisses worked their way down her stomach till they reached her shorts. Jace undid the button and pulled them ever so slowly down her legs. He chucked them to the side and his mouth bit at waistband of her panties. Clary's senses were going wild. She could feel her need for him.

"Jace..." She cautioned. "Just... uh..." Clary tried to focus. "Remember I said Sebastian and I never went... all the way."

"Don't worry, that's not what I had in mind." He assured respectfully.

Clary was about to explain that she wasn't trying to say no, but Jace's mouth covered the thin lace of her panties. She gripped his hair with a soft moan. The wet of his tongue soaking the sheer fabric to her skin. Impatient, Clary fussed at the hem of her underwear wanting it gone. The curve of Jace's smile could be felt against her thigh. He peeled away that last of the cloth and Clary was left bare at his mercy. And she felt completely safe trusting him with her body and soul. His calloused hands squeezed at her thighs as his mouth explored her womanhood. Clary was left above gripping at the sheets to ground her. Her moans grew in sound till she had to seal her hand to her mouth to keep her ravenous screams contained. And then she came hard, with Jace's persistent tongue still grinding against her nub for all it was worth. Her legs still twitched with response. Jace kissed his away up her stomach before falling to her side, his own breath heavy.

Clary licked her lips and swallowed. Even after that she wanted more of him. How did she ask him to keep going? That for the first time for them she wanted their ultimate pleasure to be together. When she was about to speak, Jace sat up and ran a hand roughly through his messed hair. In the dark, she could see the silhouette of his face, gazing down at her naked form.

"Are you tired?" He asked, his voice low and husky.

"No." She answered hopefully.

Jace lazily picked up her articles of clothing into a pile and patted them "Get dressed." He requested. "I want to take you somewhere." Then, he got up and went alone to the bathroom and shut the door.

Clary was slightly baffled. She was so willing to give him everything. She always had been. Honestly, her virginity had been up for his taking since the beginning of their engagements. Yet, it occurred to her in the years of hookups he never asked nor suggested things would go that far. It left her wondering why. He had made innuendos or jokes alluding to sex but did not make that final move. Though, he never turned her away. Perhaps, it had always been up to Clary to lead.

When Jace came out of the bathroom, Clary sat dressed and ready on the bed. She had put Jace's t-shirt back on when she realized she had no recollection of what happened to her own.

Jace gave her a charming smile and offered his hand. The streets were quiet at that time of night. They cruised along under the street lights. She relished the rush of the wind in her hair and the soft melody of the radio. It was the kind of contentment she had always wanted with him.

Soon, they parked in the lot of a playground and Jace led them down a narrow trail in the woods. It eventually opened to a large field and in the middle sat what looked like a small abandoned sports arena. Jace walked over to a metal electrical box and threw a switch. The giant spot lights at both ends lit up. At each side there were large netted soccer goals. Jace jogged over to a stray, dirtied soccer ball and began dribbling it around. Clary was dumbfounded.

"You brought me out in the middle of the night, on the cusp of a hangover, to play soccer?" She remarked in disbelief.

Jace simply glanced up with a grin.

"Maybe you are Mister Perfect after all." conceded Clary.

"Let's not get carried away." He teased.

The petite red-head squared up to him. "Alright, let's see what you got." She playfully baited.

Jace smirked before dodging around her in challenge.

A couple hours later, they had returned back to Jace and Alec's apartment complex. Clary was piggybacked around Jace as he walked them around the building. Clary was on a high and felt like if there was any time to tell him how she truly felt, it was then. She was just building the courage. When his door was in sight, Jace let her slip to the ground and took her hand instead. But Clary planted her feet.

"Wait." She ordered. Jace admired her with caring curiosity.

She gazed up at his beautiful face. His eyes full of molten gold and what Clary hoped was the same hope as her. "Do you like me?" She quizzed.

"Of course." Jace snorted.

"Do you love me?" She asked in a sad whisper, the fear seeping into her voice.

Jace's eyes fell immediately to the sidewalk at their feet. He let out an embarrassed huff.

"Because I think I'm in love with you." She continued earnestly. "And I want..." She blew out a calming breath. "I want you to say you love me too."

Jace was quiet for several long heart beats, his brow a deep furrow. "Why are you doing this?" He finally uttered.

It was the last thing Clary had expected to hear. "What?" She stammered

"We have a good time together why are you trying to ruin it?" Jace demanded.

"Because I said 'I love you'?" She tried to clarify, not understanding.

Jace looked at her then and it was as if he were a different man standing there than he had been just moments before. "Clary, I have always liked you because things were just easy for us. You didn't ask for labels you didn't ask for declarations. We never needed a definition we just were what we were." He articulated coldly.

Clary scoffed. "Are you telling me that you only liked me because I was too stupidly obsessed with whatever attention you gave me that I didn't have the courage to ask for more?

Jace scowled. "Call it whatever you want." He jerked his hand from hers and began to stalk back to his apartment.

"Jace listen to me!" Clary begged, skittering after him. He turned around reluctantly.

"I can't do that anymore." She choked out. "I've tried to follow your lead and I've tried to push you away and now I'm laying it all out at your feet. Since we first met you have given me just glimpses of who you are, of your real heart. And I've loved all of it but I want you to just let me in so I can love all of you." Pleading with him seemed all she could do.

Jace erupted. "There is nothing left in here!" He shouted nearing her. Clary recoiled in sudden fear. Whatever flip had been switched, whatever mask he had put on, it was not one she had seen before.

"What are you talking about?" She whimpered as Jace stormed past her, now headed for the parking lot.

The blazing rage that had momentarily succumbed him now retreated to dark of his eyes. He stepped calmly to face her. "Clary. I don't love you." He relayed flatly.

Clary stared at her feet. Tears threatening to spill. Her teeth chattered though the night air was warm. "I don't believe you." She croaked defiantly. "Tell me right now you look at other girls the way you look at me? That you laugh the way we do? That you kiss the way we do?" Her eyes bore up at him. Her tone angrily dared him to argue.

Jace's new mask of hardened disinterest peeled back, he looked like he was going to be sick. For a moment, Clary saw the genuine, vulnerable Jace she was accustomed to, before anger once again overtook his features. "Love has done nothing but destroy my life..."

Her heart broke for him. "Jace..."

"I am incapable of loving you." He affirmed.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Pressed Clary. What about her was so undeserving of his love?

Jace's voice grew dark, his face snarling. "How the fuck could I be in love with some little girl like you? What do you think you have to offer me? Idle conversation? A wet mouth when I want it? Sorry if I'm not jumping down to one knee." He spat. This was not the man she loved. And worse she didn't know if the real man even existed. Everything could have been a sick game. Had she fallen for yet another mask he wore. Was there even a real Jace?

Clary closed her eyes and the tears rolled down her cheeks. "You fucking bastard." She choked. Her own rage suddenly tore through her and she lashed out, shoving him with as much as she could muster. "What the fuck am I to you, then?!" Her fists pounded against his chest. "Was anything ever real?!" She kicked at his knees. Her limbs flew at him from all sides. She wanted to hurt him in anyway. And Jace just let her, not even pushing back or defending a single blow. "I'm done being your plaything. Just stay the fuck away from me. I hate you. I HATE YOU!" She screeched, falling to her knees.

Jace stumbled back away from her. "Good. Then you finally fucking understand." Walking away he roughly kicked a nearby trashcan. The garbage contents blew out, scattering across pavement and grass. Clary heaved in and out unable to hold herself together, unable to imagine what to do from there.

Gathering herself, she went into the apartment. She walked past Alec's sleeping form on the couch and into his bedroom. There she found Isabelle splayed out in all angles. Clary ripped back a blanket and climbed in next to her best friend. She tried to keep her sobs at bay but they begged to burst out of her quivering lips. Eventually, Isabelle's head lolled to the side to face Clary.

"What's wrong?" She grunted with sleep.

"I told Jace I loved him." Clary murmured, her eyes blank on the ceiling.

Isabelle nearly shot out of bed. "What?!" Her voice echoed clearly. "What did he say?" She hissed.

"He doesn't feel the same." She monotoned. Clary could not bear to give the details.

Isabelle sighed, snuggling close to her. "I'm so sorry, Clary." She said earnestly. "To be honest... I don't think Jace is capable of love."

Isabelle words caught her attention as they were an echo of Jace. "Why?" Clary questioned desperately.

In the dark, Isabelle stared at her for several seconds apparently making a decision. "I know some things about his past that I swore to my mom I would never tell." Isabelle divulged. "But I feel like at this point you have a right to know."

Clary listened intently. With a sigh, Isabelle began. "Alec and I originally met Jace because our mom was his social worker." She explained. Jace lived with his grandmother, Imogen. Clary knew this but never asked what happened to his parents. She always got the sense that the topic was not available for discussion.

Isabelle continued. "When Jace was little, his dad left his family for a longtime affair. After that his mom basically lost her mind and started sexually abusing him. After she was arrested, Jace's dad said he did not want custody. Even called him 'damaged goods.' So, after bouncing through a couple foster homes, his grandmother took him in. And then the next year, his mom killed herself in prison. Apparently, she even left a suicide note encouraging Jace to do the same. It's all kinds of fucked up, Clary."

Clary was speechless. She was horrified. Only then had Jace's words started to make sense. The first two people Jace ever loved, maybe the only people he ever loved, had horrendously betrayed him.

"Honestly, I'm surprised Jace isn't more messed up than he already is." Isabelle offered. "It's not you Clary. But, something inside Jace... is broken. It's not his fault but, some people cope the only they know how." Isabelle sighed, turning back over.

Clary stared at the ceiling for a longtime even after Isabelle had long returned to slumber. The dark sky out the window grew lighter as the sun creeped over the horizon. Deciding it was best to leave before Jace returned, Clary slipped out of bed and out the door. Walking down the street, she started on her journey home. But she knew the longest journey would be acceptance. Accepting that despite her crush on the boy or her love for the man... She and Jace... They would never be together.