Chapter Ten

Willow closed her eyes for a moment, her own lips pressed against Alex's. Then she pulled back, startled over what was actually happening.

"Um…"

Alex was absolutely mortified. She cursed herself for not maintaining control. She knew from Willow's expression that she had just made a terrible mistake.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry."

She jumped to her feet.

"No, Alex, I…"

Willow jumped to her feet also but Alex was already rushing away.

"Great, now she can run," Willow remarked in frustration.

She touched her lips, still tingling from Alex's brief but sensual kiss. She walked back home, replaying it over and over in her mind, questions spinning in her head. Had she made Alex think she was attracted to her? Was she attracted to her? Did that mean that Alex was gay? Why hadn't she told her? They'd only been talking about relationships that night. Had Alex not felt that she could tell her something like that?

Willow was grateful as she climbed into bed - grateful that nobody was around when she walked through the front door. She switched the light off but she couldn't sleep. She kept touching her lips, still able to feel Alex's mouth against hers. She just didn't know what to think. She had never been so confused in all her life.

Alex felt like she couldn't breathe. She certainly couldn't sleep. What on earth had she been thinking? At no point had Willow given any indication that she was into women. In fact, she had specifically mentioned that she dated men. Why had she been so stupid as to get so carried away and ruin what could have been an amazing friendship?

She sank into bed feeling fretful and unhappy. She felt like she was never going to be able to face Willow again. And what about her friends? Willow was sure to tell her friends. She was so close to them all. What if they laughed at her? What if they hated her? She felt like she had started to make connections in this town. And she had also made a difference to people like Charlie. And now because of some stupid, thoughtless kiss, it was all ruined.

It was early when Alex did her Doctor's rounds the next morning. Charlie was barely awake when Alex knocked on the door to check on how she was doing. She had saved her until last, tending to spend a little extra time with her, partly because she genuinely needed more attention and partly because she liked her.

"Do you have bad news?" Charlie asked worriedly.

"Sorry?"

"You look worried."

Alex gathered herself and smiled, assuring her patient that everything was fine.

"Then what's wrong?" Charlie asked. "I mean, my life is pretty crap. Hearing someone else's misery would seriously cheer me up."

Alex laughed and promised not to share her personal problems.

"Oh, please," Charlie begged. "I'd love to hear your personal problems. I mean, they're not going to compare to mine but I'd love to hear them."

She beamed at the Doctor she felt was becoming her friend. She genuinely enjoyed Alex's visits. Alex chuckled and sat down beside her.

"I am seriously not going to whinge at you about my boring life," she said. "Now would you please let me check your temperature? The last reading was a little high. I don't want you getting some kind of infection. Plus you've got your scans today to see what's going on with your spine."

"You'd better not be sticking a thermometer up my butt," Charlie warned.

Alex laughed loudly, promising it was just going into her ear.

"You do make me laugh, Charlie," she said, checking her temperature quickly. "It seems okay but I want it checked regularly."

She made a note in her file at the end of the bed.

"I aim to please," Charlie said. "And as for the scans, is there any point? I think we know what's going on with my spine. It's broken, right?"

Alex sighed.

"Damaged," she agreed. "You know we couldn't get all the fragments of the second bullet out. We need to look at exactly what's going on. Why you're lacking feeling."

"Well, airports are going to be fun, hey?" Charlie cracked.

Alex smiled weakly. Charlie tried too.

"So, how was your visit with Joey?" Alex asked, changing the subject.

"It was good," Charlie said, genuinely smiling this time. "Really good."

She had hardly been able to sleep for thinking about her ex-girlfriend.

"I'm glad," Alex said. "If she makes you this cheerful then we'll definitely have her back."

"Who's going to make you cheerful, Alex?" Charlie wondered.

Alex shook her head.

"Nice try," she said.

"Oh, come on," Charlie coaxed. "This is definitely a romantic thing. I can tell. Who's broken your heart?"

"Nobody!" Alex insisted. "Well, my ex did but that was a while ago. Not relevant to today."

"So, what's going on today?" Charlie coaxed.

Alex shook her head and insisted it was nothing. Charlie begged her to tell her something interesting.

"You have no idea how boring it is to be stuck in here with nothing to do but think about how screwed up my life is and how it's all my own damn fault," Charlie said. "Please give me something else to think about."

Alex looked sadly at her patient.

"Charlie, I don't know what happened exactly but blaming yourself isn't going to help," she said seriously, all thoughts of last night fading from her mind for a moment.

Right now, she needed to put Charlie first.

"How can I not?" Charlie asked. "All I can do is lie here and think about all the stupid mistakes I've made in my life and…"

"Charlie," Alex said firmly. "That isn't going to help you recover. The mind is a powerful thing and if you do lie there beating yourself up then you're going to hinder your healing. Right now, you need all the positivity you can find."

"It's kind of hard, Alex," Charlie said, suddenly emotional.

"I get that," the Doctor said kindly. "But that's why I'm here for and the rest of the staff and your friends and your family. We're all here to help you find the positive every day. Please work with us to do that."

"I'll try," Charlie said.

"Charlie, if you're really struggling, which it's entirely understandable that you would be, I can organise some counselling for you," Alex offered.

"I can't exactly go to an appointment…"

"The counsellor would come to you," Alex assured her.

Charlie shrugged.

"Maybe," she said. "I mean, I did try counselling once before. It didn't really help."

"What did you try counselling for, if you don't mind me asking?"

"My boyfriend… ex-boyfriend accused me of having commitment issues… of sabotaging all my relationships," Charlie explained. "I mean, he was right. It all stemmed from… from past abuse. I… I was… I was raped when I was a teenager. That's how I ended up pregnant with Ruby."

Alex nodded sympathetically.

"It sounds like you've been through a lot in your life, Charlie," she said. "And now all of this."

"I guess," Charlie agreed reluctantly.

"Would you consider a mental health assessment?" Alex asked. "Just to check in with how you're doing after what happened? I'm happy to do it with you. Then we can just see where we're at. What do you think?"

Charlie agreed but she was still a little uncertain.

"Anyway, we were talking about you," the police officer said, still eager to know what was on her new friend's mind.

Alex shook her head and laughed.

"I shared with you!"

"I just made a massive mistake last night," Alex admitted.

It was against her better judgement. But without Willow, Charlie was probably her closest friend in the Bay. Charlie looked genuinely concerned.

"What kind of mistake?" she asked.

"Like, I made a total fool of myself, kind of mistake," Alex fretted. "I misread some signals and I thought someone liked me and they don't."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Alex," Charlie sympathised. "I mean, are you sure? Maybe they do like you?"

"No, they really don't," Alex confirmed. "I completely screwed up. I kissed her."

She waited for some sort of reaction to the person's gender but there was none. Secretly, Alex suspected that Charlie's visitor last night had been more than just a friend.

"And she just looked horrified," she said sadly. "I am so embarrassed. And distraught as well because she was my first friend here. We clicked immediately. And now I've gone and pushed her away because of my own stupidity. Why couldn't I just control myself?"

"Do you mind me asking who it was?" Charlie asked.

Alex coloured.

"Willow Harris?" she eventually squeaked.

Charlie smiled and patted Alex's hand.

"I know Willow pretty well," she said. "Whether she has feelings for you or not, I have no clue so I can't help you there. But I do know that she is a good, kind person and there is no reason to feel embarrassed or awkward around her. She wouldn't have felt horrified or disgusted or anything like that. She's just not like that, Alex. If anything, she would have been flattered. Just talk to her, okay?"

Alex sighed.

"Aren't I supposed to be the one helping you?" she asked.

"Well, I've got to find some way of being useful!" Charlie remarked.

Willow couldn't concentrate at work. She had hardly slept and she still couldn't stop thinking about Alex. She knew she needed to speak to her but she didn't know what to say. What if she said the wrong thing? She didn't want to push her friend away. She just felt so confused.

"So, last night was encouraging then?" Aden said.

He and Joey were walking Jasper along the beach together.

"It was," Joey said.

"You were gone for hours," he said.

They hadn't talked much when she had got home. She had been a in a bit of sleepy daze and Aden hadn't wanted to break into the spell she was under. He assumed the meeting had gone well.

"We had a lot to talk about," she replied.

"But she was pleased to see you?" her friend asked.

"She seemed to be," Joey said. "She took my number and asked me to call when I could see her again today. It was… emotional."

Aden put his hand on the small of her back.

"I'm glad it was a good, Jo," he said. "I'm glad it was worth facing your fears and coming back here."

She smiled.

"Me too."

Willow decided to be proactive and went to the hospital. There, she could hopefully deal with two things at once. She could see Charlie, who she really should have visited sooner than this and she could also try and speak to Alex. She knew the only way she was going to resolve things was if she dealt with them head on.

She anxiously approached the reception area, not sure if she was relieved or more nervous when she didn't see her friend anywhere in sight. She approached the desk and asked after Charlie before following the directions to her room. She knocked and poked head around the door.

"Hey," she greeted. "How's the patient?"

Charlie beamed at her.

"Hi!" she said. "It's so good to see you!"

Willow pushed down the painful emotions that arose within her at the sight of how frail Charlie looked in the hospital bed, hooked up to wires and monitors. She focused on her smile.

"I'm so sorry I've not been before," she said. "I'd like to lie and say I didn't want to crowd you. I know Ruby's been here round the clock. And Brax. And Leah. And everyone. But it's not true. I'm sorry. I was just…"

"Shit scared of seeing me looking like a train wreck?" Charlie asked.

Willow looked awkward.

"I get it," Charlie said. "It's fine. But you're here now. Come and give me a hug."

Willow moved further into the room and awkwardly reached down to hug her friend.

"I'm not going to hurt you, am I?" she asked worriedly.

"The damage is done," Charlie told her. "Don't worry."

They hugged and Willow took a seat. She asked if she was interrupting any other visitors.

"Ruby's around," Charlie said. "She's getting us some coffees. I can text her and ask her to get you one too if you like?"

"No thanks," Willow said. "I hardly slept last night."

Charlie forced herself not to smile, recalling the conversation she'd had with Alex.

"Oh? How come?"

Alex's beautiful face flashed through Willow's mind. She shook her head.

"Long story," she said.

"I've got time," the patient replied. "I mean, seriously, I have tonnes of time."

"I have not come to visit you in hospital to whinge about my personal life," Willow protested. "I want to know how you are."

"Paralysed," Charlie said. "Struggling with most parts of my body. Exhausted. In pain. And so damn bored. So, how are you?"

"Charlie…" Willow said, looking suddenly emotional.

"Please don't feel sorry for me," Charlie begged. "Alex did a mental health assessment on me this morning and gave me this whole speech about how positive thinking is the key to healing."

She rolled her eyes.

"She wants me to have CBT sessions to help me deal with the trauma."

Willow allowed herself a small smile, querying Charlie's thoughts on the subject.

"I don't know," the police officer said. "I mean, it's not something I'd usually go for but I do respect Alex's opinion."

"Yeah, she knows what she's doing," Willow said.

This time, she couldn't help but smile when she thought about her.

"So… how come you struggled to sleep?"

"I've just got some things on my mind," Willow admitted.

"Something or someone?" Charlie asked curiously.

"How do you always do that?" Willow wanted to know.

Charlie decided not to give away that this time, she was cheating. She merely shrugged and waited for her friend to open up.

"I just… I don't even know if I can put it into words, Charlie," Willow said. "I am so completely confused."

"Well, what are you confused about? Perhaps we can start there?"

They were interrupted by Alex walking into the room. She froze when she saw Willow beside Charlie's bed. Willow also froze. Charlie watched them both with amused interest.

"Hi… Alex," Willow eventually said. "How… how are you?"

"I'm… I'm okay," Alex said. "Are you good? I mean, how are you?"

"Fine," Willow said. "I'll um… I'll leave you to it."

She dashed out of the room in panic. Alex and Charlie watched her go.

"You were saying?" Alex said sadly.

"Go after her, would you?" Charlie pushed.

"She doesn't want anything to do with me, Charlie," Alex insisted.

"Well, she just told me that she was confused," Charlie informed her. "Not horrified. Not disgusted. None of the things you're thinking. Just confused."

Alex looked conflicted. Charlie ordered her to go. Alex left the room and hurried after Willow, calling her name. The Personal Trainer turned, looking equally as anxious.

"Can we talk?" Alex asked.

Willow managed to squeak out some sort of vowel sound as she followed Alex into her office.

"Listen, before you say anything…" Willow started.

"No, please, let me," Alex interrupted. "I am so sorry. I completely overstepped yesterday and I shouldn't have. Please can we just forget it ever happened?"

"Oh!" Willow said, surprised.

She was equally as surprised to find herself feeling disappointed.

"I just… I got caught up in the moment and you already know that I'm spontaneous," Alex tried to joke. "But I got carried away and I completely misread things. But I really, really don't want to lose you, Willow. You're my best friend here in Summer Bay. One of my only friends. Please forgive me. I truly am sorry."

Willow hesitated for a moment. Part of her wondered if she wanted to explore things with Alex. But no. She was straight. She had never even looked at a woman in that way before. Why would she suddenly start now?

"It's all good, Alex," she said. "Let's just carry on as we were. I really value your friendship. I don't want to lose you."

She reached out for an awkward hug. It lasted a moment too long. She breathed in Alex's scent before forcing herself to pull away. Alex withdrew, her heart beating too fast. She still didn't know if things were fixed but she hoped they were. She just didn't know for sure how easy it was going to be to carry on being friends with someone she was so attracted to.

Next time… Charlie and Joey spend more time together and Brax opens up to Willow…