Just a quick heads up, there's a lot of talk about kids being quite sick in this chapter, just in case that's an issue for anyone 3

The next few hours go by with a painful slowness that is utterly suffocating. She's refused the offer of a sedative, she needs to be awake, she needs to watch him, to see that he's still breathing. Any time spent with her eyes away from his small precious form is too much. She needs to know he's alive and still with her despite the fact that there is a machine breathing for him and was being kept asleep by drugs. Poe and Finn didn't go home either, they lingered in hallways and took turns holding Luke's hand when Rey had to go to the bathroom. They brought her coffee and blankets and spoke to the doctors when Rey simply didn't have the energy to draw in another stitch of information.

His little hand is warm, alive, he's alive and he's here and they are going to fix him. They just need to figure out what needs to be fixed. Doctor Akbar is a kind man but his social skills are desperately lacking. When he enters the room to check on Ben's progress he's loud and jostling, making Rey cringe every time he bumps into something or knocks something over. How such a bumbling mess could have become the Head of Neuro was beyond her but she knows his reputation and it's the only thing stopping her from flying off the handle.

Maz comes by every now and again as well, more than she likely ought to actually. She has surgeries to plan and a department to oversee. But still, she's there and she strokes Rey's forehead the way a mother might. The way she had Luke's just two nights prior when she read him a bedtime story. Like she should have tonight instead of working the damn overtime shift. Maz informs her that Han has been asking after her and comments lightly on the impression Rey has left on the older man. Leia too has shown great concern for Rey's well being and both hope she'll be back with them soon. Harper apparently has been a nightmare but Maz expected no less. Then there's Ben, he and his girlfriend left some time ago so thankfully everything has quiet on that front. There's a question there that Maz wants to ask but thankfully she leaves it alone.

Rey can't bring herself to dwell on those thoughts or the implications there. It's a path she knew she would have to walk down at some point but now was not that time. Now, when her baby boy lay unconscious less than a foot away was not the moment to think about past trysts.

Eventually Luke's stats make it to where the doctors are comfortable and miraculously he starts to breathe on his own again. The reason for his airways closing up will likely remain a mystery but there are much larger issues at hand. Akbar wants to get Luke to imagining as quickly as possible while the boy is still under, ideally they would monitor him until he seized again and map his brain to find the cause but with a child of Luke's age Akbar wants to cover all his bases. Ruling things out at this point is just as important as checking off boxes.

It takes both Finn and Poe to restrain Rey when they wheel Luke off. She's a parent now, not a hospital employee and parents aren't allowed in diagnostic imaging. So instead she sits and she cries. She cries and she cries until her lungs ache and she struggles and gasps for air. She cries until her eyes burn and she can't see and then she cries some more. Poe holds her against his body as she sobs into his shoulder while Finn rubs at her back in soft soothing circles. When that sensation subsides Rey pleads with them to let her take a walk. She needs to move, to do something that isn't just sitting there waiting. Waiting is always the worst in these situations, she sees it first hand and depending on what sort of scans Akbar wants and what he finds it would likely be a while before Luke is returned to his room. In the meantime she can get something to eat maybe or grab the charts which she has been woefully neglecting.

While Poe thinks it's a good idea, Finn argues the fact wanting to stay right where Luke will be returned. Despite standing his ground, Poe and Rey win out. Poe agrees to take Rey down to the nurse's station to get a few things while Finn waits in Luke's room. Finn has always hated hospitals so he's happy to stay and be there when the doctors return their boy eliminating the need to wander through the halls.

On shaky legs Rey walks the corridors with Poe at her side, his arm around her in a warm embrace of support. Her steps are shuffled and slow but it feels good to move. She has snacks in her locker and the files she wants are at the nurse's station so that's the direction they head in. The two areas are close enough that the trip will be quick but it will still give her enough time to distract her from her spiraling thoughts. Working in Emergency means she sees far too much of the bad. It's hard to school her raging imagination when it tries to tug her down into the dark side where rationalization becomes difficult and only the worst can happen. Luke has never had seizures before but it's possible this was simply him showing signs of being epileptic. It isn't ideal but there are far worse things when children are concerned. Maybe there is an imbalance in his sodium levels, or worse maybe he's had a stroke. She shakes her head pushing away those thoughts as they dance to the surface. She can't allow herself to go there, she needs to be positive. He needs her to be positive.

When she finds herself at the nurse's station it's close to shift change. Jannah is filling out paperwork sitting at a far computer when Rey approaches but Poe shakes his head halting their friend from her approach. Part of her is grateful for this protective side of Poe, she doesn't have it in her to answer questions and she absolutely doesn't have the strength to pretend she's ok.

Slipping away from Poe she ducks into the nurse's locker room and grabs her purse along with a handful of snacks she keeps hidden there. There's a notebook too, and a change of clothes which she decides to take as well, shoving it all into her oversized bag. It's a simple black sack she thinks ruefully, her mind drifting back on the large teal leather purse Gwen had when she brushed into Han's room. It's a strange thought, one she doesn't have time to ruminate on. Instead she shoulders the door and finds herself back out in the open. All eyes fall on her as she clings to the strap of her back, looking for Poe and the silent protection he provides.

"I'm sorry, I know you aren't supposed to say but I just want to know that she's ok." a voice pleads, drawing her attention away from her search. There's a small woman standing at the desk opposite Jyn who is looking thoroughly annoyed by this point. Rey can't see the woman's face but her hair was pulled back in a loose bun at the nape of her neck.

Jyn's response is robotic, one they have all rehearsed time and time again, "I'm sorry we aren't able to provide you with that information." Rey watches as Jyn rolls her eyes, leaning heavily against the desk in front of her.

Poe is at Rey's side quickly his arms laden with vending machine snack food. He snakes an arm around her shoulder as he presses his lips against her temple, "You got what you need?" He asks ready to steer her away and back to Luke's room where they will fall back into their waiting game.

At this point the idea of words has become a concept too difficult for Rey to manage so she simply nods her answer and prepares to slip away. That's the woman at the desk turns, her face drawn in lines of frustration. She has her dark-tinted glasses drawn up on top of her head, her lips pursed together as she huffs in irritation. Leia. She's flustered, visibly so but when her eyes fall on Rey her features soften considerably.

Rey quickly dabs at the corners of her eyes which now she realizes are still wet as Leia approaches. Jyn makes a move to say something even going so far as to rise to her feet but Rey raises a hand to tell Jyn that she's ok.

"Rey," Leia says as though she's shocked to see her, "Are you ok?"

She knows Doctor Kanata has given Leia and Han a generic answer but still the older woman has felt it necessary to seek out more information on her own. Rey doesn't know if she finds this heart-warming or incredibly frustrating but Leia's here and she's concerned. The irony of the situation would be funny if she could find any joy left in her body. "Yeah…" Rey responds quickly but Poe casts her a sharp and questioning stare which encourages the truth, "Well, no. I'm not. I mean I am but no." she's rambling and Leia looks sympathetic.

"Your family member who's sick?" She asks knowingly.

Poe says nothing but his hand is at her back, he's there to support her in any way he can but he doesn't know this woman or the situation so he stays quiet. He's always been this big brother sort of figure for her which she clings to now like a lifeline. "Yeah… yes," she says softly nodding her head as Leia takes a step towards her.

"I'm so sorry dear," she says and Leia's arms are around Rey faster then Rey has time to process. The feeling is warm and comforting the way a hug should be but it cracks something within Rey that she has been mentally trying to mend since she stopped crying. The tears come back hard and fast as Rey gasps for air. Leia is shushing her in a soft motherly tone, rubbing Rey's back as Rey leans into the embrace. Everything about this is so odd, so fractured. There's a bubbling need welling up within that Rey can't quite make herself understand but before she can say something she'll regret Poe's phone is ringing.

She stills as she listens to his smooth voice whispering into the mouthpiece. Jyn is to her feet voice raised instructing him that's not allowed back here but Rey snaps for her to shut up. She's pulling away from Leia who looks confused and concerned. It's nice to know she cares but that makes this odd feeling a little worse.

Without warning Poe's hand is at her elbow and he's pulling her away. "I'm sorry," he tells Leia genially before turning to Rey, "He's back in the room and they need us there now."

Her mind reels trying to comprehend the gravity of Poe's words. It could mean anything, "Is he awake?" she finds herself asking but when he shakes his head she feels her world shifting again. "Did they…" she chokes, "Did they find something?"

Poe's lack of response is response enough. They didn't say which means there is something to discuss. That means either they didn't find anything and they want to explore further or they found something and it's not good. She's not sure which is better but the reality of it steals the breath from her lungs.

"They want to wake him up they just want to talk to you first," he tells her but that's almost worse. She feels her legs quiver and Poe is at her side holding her up, "I'm sorry Peanut," he doesn't call her that often, it's a nickname she's been given by Finn. Poe usually thinks such things are foolish but the way he says it just now is like a bandaid on a lacerated artery. It won't fix a damn thing but the thought is sweet all the same.

Jyn and Jannah are at Rey's side quickly, the senior nurse has her hand on Rey's arm in a manner which is comforting but foreign, "You're off the schedule for the next few days, I have you covered," she assures Rey while Jannah says nothing but swoops in for a hug. It's arm and kind and filled with affection that Rey can't return at this moment but Jannah understands as she whispers, "Text me if you need anything," She's looking at Poe as she pulls away.

She knows they need to go but it's like her body doesn't know how to move on its own. Poe is tugging at her gently as Leia says, "If you need anything, please let us know."

It's a strange thought, just hours before she was their nurse and now she and her husband are concerned about her as though they've known her forever. It's odd to think that strangers can have such an impact on one another but there's something else too. There's the deep gut-wrenching ache that settles heavily into her core. There's Ben and his smile, that smile that causes her chest to warm and the attraction that's not simply chemical but utterly visceral the way it had been all those years ago.

When she returns to Luke's room it's full of people again. Luke's small body is laying in his bed, his dark hair in stark contrast to the white pillow his head sits atop. He almost looks like her little boy again, just sleeping. She wants to kiss his sweet little face but people are talking to her now. She knows she's supposed to be listening but their words sound like hallow noise in an empty room and she's too far away to make it out.

Holdo is present, she's standing in front of Rey bent so that they're making eye contact now. Her face is stern and serious as she says Rey's name over and over again drawing her from the image of her sleeping child, "Rey, we need you to listen. Rey! come on Rey."

She can feel Finn, his hand on her shoulder while Poe stands sentinel at her other side. They're an odd little family unit but they're her world. Their presence makes her feel stronger and she's able to focus on what the doctors are saying. Holdo was off an hour ago Rey realizes but she's stuck around for this. She's been helping Akbar as he runs scans, making sure that Luke isn't alone.

The Neurosurgeon is talking away unaware of Rey's inability to focus. He says something about needing to wake Luke up and Rey shakes her head knocking the cobwebs loose. "I'm sorry," she says softly, "Can you repeat that?" Everyone looks so serious it's hard not to panic but she reaches for Finn's hand and he squeezes hers tightly.

Akbar looks mildly affronted but starts again, he's explaining that they've found a build-up of pressure around Luke's brain stem caused by severe swelling. It seemed oddly idiopathic until Holdo started to list off his other symptoms. What appeared as the common flu triggered a spiraling search for something greater. There is an elevated level of white blood cells in Luke's body which is indicative of a body fighting off an infection but they did a full-body scan to be safe and found Luke's liver is enlarged.

She's lining up the points trying desperately to connect the dots when Akbar then asks if she's willing to allow them to take a sample of bone marrow. The request has Rey thrown off as she looks from Akbar to Holdo and then back to Akbar. Bone marrow? Why did they need bone marrow? He's also talking about a Doctor Cassian Andor from Scarif who is supposed to be visiting within the next few days. Andor is an oncologist who specializes in pediatric cases.

Why is this important?

"Wait… wait." Rey says rather sharply, halting Akbar in his tracks, "Do you - you think this could be cancer?"

Akbar looks uncomfortable, he hates to be wrong and Rey knows its too soon to tell anything. There are more tests to be run, they have to monitor Luke's white blood cell count, "The good news is it's not meningitis!" Akbar chirps rather awkwardly. Rey wants to punch him, even Holdo looks annoyed.

"We've taken samples of the fluid building up around Luke's brainstem in all likelihood Rey we need to be prepared. A bone marrow biopsy is our best bet to determine…" Holdo looks sweetly sympathetic.

"Say it," Rey seethes, "It's not real unless you say it Amilyn, I need to hear you say it."

Poe and Finn look confused but Rey knows the words that are going to come next, "We think there's a strong likelihood this is leukemia and if it's in his cerebral spinal fluid we need to act quickly."

The words hit her like a punch to the gut. She refuses to cry but there is a strong chance she might start to scream. Rey knows she needs to be strong, she knows she needs to be rational but it's hard when you're faced with the one thing a parent fears the most in the world. The thought of losing a child. Her mind spins and she readies herself to fight, she's going to punch Akbar right in his goofy looking face.

The emotions build like the pressure in a blocked steam vent. Her cheeks are flushed, her chest is hot and ready to explode and then there's nothing. She's cool and calm and eerily still. She's not looking at them but passed them, her eyes settling on the sleeping form of her son. He's still and pale but he's always been pale. He never inherited her rich sun-kissed coloring. In fact, there's a lot about his appearance that doesn't match with her own DNA. The long smooth face, the full lips, the goofy ears. The shape of his eyes are hers, and the color of his hair but even that may change over time. His eyes are dark like hers but in some lights they look almost like vibrantly hazel. His dimples, those are definitely from her, but it's possible they came from his father she can't quite remember. He's the sweetest kid she's ever seen, his shaggy hair dusting his forehead as it falls in choppy lengths around his obvious ears.

Her job, the only job in her life that matters in any capacity is to keep him safe. If she falls apart if she cries until she's hoarse it's not going to do him any good. Her job is to protect him and she will do that at any cost.

"Do it," she says surely, "Pull the marrow, run the tests. Do it now." she's barking orders like she's in charge but no one's about to step in and tell her any differently. "I want a meeting with Doctor Andor too, can you make that happen?" she asks Doctor Holdo, her voice is firm and determined. She knows she's a nurse, she knows she's low on the pecking order but she works hard and that has to count for something right?

Holdo's smile is sad but knowing as she nods once and tells Rey she'll get on that before she leaves the hospital for the night and with that she leaves the room. Akbar however hasn't moved. He's eyeing Poe and Finn with careful deliberation. For once in all the time Rey has known him, Akbar seems to be trying to choose his words wisely, "It would help if we had a family history,"

Oh, this again. The game of who's the daddy. Luke is painfully pale, Rey has the flesh tone of someone who's lived in the sunlight, Finn's coloring is a deliciously dark umber like smooth rich chocolate and Poe favors a warm soft tawny coloring that's just a little different from Rey's own. None of them glow as Luke does

"Doctor Akbar that's going to be difficult," Rey says evenly, this is a road they've walked many times, people's curiosity is a funny thing. It's why Rey stays away from social media, "I grew up in foster care, I have no idea what's in my history."

Akbar nods his head knowingly, "We can run a DNA test and look for markers, what about the father?" He has the foresight to keep his eyes on Rey now, not bothering to look at either of her companions. Smart man.

The question causes Rey to start, it's not the first time she's been asked this but it spikes something in her she needs to process and quickly, "We have no contact," she says slowly, too slowly drawing Finn's attention.

If Akbar has an opinion on the matter he doesn't share it nor does he seem to withhold any judgment. He simply nods in understanding and then shoves his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. "I'll get ready to draw the marrow, I don't like to do it when the patient is out but I assume I have your consent?"

Rey nods in affirmation "Then can we wake him up?" She needs to hear his voice, she needs to tell him that she loves him. She needs him to know that she won't let anything happen to him, that she'll fight with everything she has.

"I'd like to," Akbar says "The seizures were likely caused by the pressure on his brain stem, now that that pressure has been lessened he should be ok."

She knows he can't talk in definite's but in her heart she is desperate for him to tell her that everything will be ok. It's childish and it's unrealistic but at that moment she would have given anything to hear it said out loud.

When Akbar leaves it's just their little family left. She can hear the interns skirting around the door, people lingering in the hallway wanting to stop in and ask if Luke's ok. They all know him here, Poe and Finn take him in to say hello to the nurses frequently. He's a favorite amongst the staff with his love of hugs and telling tall tales made from utter nonsense. He's a bright light, he's her bright light. The one thing in life she never knew she needed until it was placed in her hands. Now his presence is as essential as the air in her lungs and she doesn't think she will survive if he does not.

Finn has called in sick and Poe is off anyway so they promise to stay at the hospital with Luke if she wants to go home and shower. She's decidedly against the idea saying that she'll use the doctor's shower in the doctor's lounge, but what she really needs is sleep. Night shifts are hard but she's usually able to crash after getting Luke off to daycare for the morning. It's now going on three hours post-shift, a time when she would normally be curled up in her bed snoozing away, instead she's waiting for Doctor Akbar to return with a very large needle.

The procedure goes quickly, as clumsy as Akbar appears to be with his day to day his hands are the steadiest she has ever seen. He has a skill that could rival Doctor Kanata but she would never tell Maz that. Akbar is quick, but Rey has to press her face into Finn's side as he extracts the marrow. She needs to be strong for Luke but the kid isn't awake and she doesn't want to watch this. When Akbar is finished he pulls off his gloves and takes a moment to watch Rey closely. Finn is rubbing gentle circles along her spine again. Poe however has left to get a coffee. He doesn't like needles so this part is a little too much for him.

"Ms. Niima," the doctor says with a softness that makes Rey shudder, "You're a wonderful nurse," he tells her awkwardly, "I have no doubt you're a marvelous mother and I want you to know, you are not alone in this fight." he gives her a quick sad smile, "Luke should come out of the coma in a matter of hours, the drugs will be wearing off now.

When he's gone Rey lets out a ragged sigh. Finn hugs her again, he's not sure what else to do in this situation and he hates hospitals desperately. They stand, holding one another, clinging to each other for support when Poe ambles back in. He has a trey of coffees, in one hand and a brown bag of treats in the other but sets them down quickly when he sees the embrace. His arms are around them in a matter of seconds and they stand like this curled around one another for what feels like forever.

"We should call Luke…" Finn says finally and Rey's heart aches at the thought. She can't face telling her foster father and child's namesake right now.

"I want to wait until I know for sure what we're dealing with, I don't want him to panic," Rey says softly.

Poe is handing out the drinks, a tea of camomile and honey for Rey when he adds, "He'd be on the next flight out here, I think Rey's right."

Finn can't help but agree with that but as takes a sip of his coffee he fixes Rey with a gaze that is both suspicious and knowing. She can feel those dark eyes of his as he tries to read her face, her emotions, her silences.

"I saw that lady again," Poe says conversationally as he pulls a bagel from the bag and examines its toppings. When he realizes it's cream cheese he hands it to Finn and delves back into the brown paper sack, "The one who was looking for you at the nurse's station?"

Rey exhales sharply into her tea as she looks at Poe, "Leia?"

The face he makes tells her he can't confirm the name, "The one who hugged you." he explains, "She was with some guy."

"Probably her husband Han," she says without thinking. She's too busy watching Luke and enjoying the warm embrace of the tea.

Poe barks a laugh and smiles as he pulls out a muffin. The bag is set on a table and Poe is in a chair with his heels on the foot of Luke's bed, "Good for her if that's her husband, tallllllll dark and handsome!" he chirps, elongating the tall for emphasis.

Finn casts him a sharp look as though telling Poe to smarten up but all Poe can do is laugh as he takes a bite out of his muffin.

Rey's attention snaps to Poe, "No…" she says slowly, "Was he a tall guy, well dressed? dark hair about yay long." she holds a hand out just above her shoulder and Poe nods.

"That's the fella."

That damn heat is back and she feels the flutter of something in her gut as she looks away quickly. Not fast enough though because both Poe and Finn have picked up on the fluster settling into her cheeks. "Ben," she says softly.

"Ben," Finn mocks in a breathy sort of girly tone. "Got the hots for your patient's son?"

She kicks Finn hard knocking her toe sharply into his shin but doesn't argue. She doesn't say anything in fact, she just watches Luke as his small chest raises and lowers with every slow and sleepy breath. She needs him to wake up, she's willing him to open his eyes while Poe and Finn discuss the very attractive man who they speculate Rey may be very attracted to. It's infuriating to listen to but it's mindless enough. She wants to tell them the truth of the matter but the words are stuck in the back of her throat and she can't bring herself to utter them aloud just yet.

They're still discussing him when Luke's lashes flutter. Poe is talking about how no one has the right to have hair like that and Rey is laughing softly when she catches it. Unsure whether what she's seeing is real she shifts forward and watches carefully as Luke's eyes do it again, like hummingbirds wings they shudder and his eyes roll within their lids.

"Luke." Rey urges and Poe stops teasing Finn about running away with the attractive Mr. Ben. They're all silent when Luke's eyes open slightly and then close again. It's brief but it's there and then he's moaning, whimpering softly as his eyes shudder again, open for a split second and then close.

There's a long drawn out "Mmmmm" sound as Luke's brow furrows and his nose twitches. It takes a moment but when his eyes finally open again they stay that way. He's clawing at his throat and whimpering softly. Rey drops her tea and throws herself forward. She has him drawn against her body quickly, trying to be gentle but incapable of wrestling with her joy. His small form shakes slightly and Rey pulls back, her hands are in his hair and over his face drinking in the sight of him like a cool glass of lemonade on a hot day. "Momma?" his little voice croaks and the pressure in her chest erupts.

She's laughing and crying at the same time, her dark lashes lit with glittering tears, "Hey buddy," she says with a soft sweetness saved only for him, "Hey, how are you feeling?"

Luke swallows hard once, then again before he says, "Mah 'ead 'urts" and he's nuzzling his nose against her shoulder. "Am I at the 'optial?" he asks softly, missing the h sounds on his words. Normally she'd repeat his sentence back to him in the form of a question to demonstrate the proper pronunciation but she can't even think about that now. Her mind is filled with him and his glowing brown eyes and then way his little hands burry into her sweater.

"Yeah buddy, you gave us a bit of a scare," Poe says as he leans forward a bit, reaching out to place his hand on Luke's shin. He gives the boys leg a gentle squeeze and Rey can see the tears of relief welling up within his eyes.

"Momma, you workin?" Luke asks and Rey shakes her head, pressing her nose into Luke's hair. He smells like antiseptic and hospital but there's the faintest hint of fresh air and chemically manufactured strawberry scent from his shampoo. His hair tickles her nose but she can't help but cling to him as she whispers no. "Can we nuggle?"

"Yeah buddy, we can snuggle," she tells him softly and crawls up into the bed with him. She's not an overly large human being so they fit in the hospital bed nicely, his little arms curl into her as she rolls onto her side and wraps herself around him. One arm under her head as the over pulls him tight against her. He's groggy and she can feel sleep settling over her. His little fists are groping at her sweater, holding her tight as if afraid she's going to leave him. He's scared though she doubts he'll admit it.

When she closes her eyes she can hear Finn cleaning up the spilled tea while Poe shifts and starts talking to Luke softly. It isn't long before she's out, the warm little body and his steady heartbeat like a lullaby for her emotionally wrecked soul.

I wrote this ages ago and I've been fiddling with it ever since. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it with all the crazy things going on and I'll be honest some of it was a bit hard because I was trying to wrap my head around how I as a parent would react if my son were sick. That being said, my son has never been sick like this so I have I could only write from the hypothetical. I have some medical knowledge but it's not doctor level by any stretch of the imagination so please forgive any inconsistencies or inaccuracies I'm trying to keep it as true to fact as I can.
We will see a lot more of Ben in the next coming chapters don't worry!
Thank you to everyone kind enough to leave a review. This story hasn't gotten as much love as I've been working on A Friendly Referral and I have another shorter bit that I've been working on but I promise I'll try and keep it updated a little more frequently. Let me know what you guys think! xo