Chapter Fourteen

Charlie was eager for her first visitor the next morning. However, she was surprised when it was Willow and not Joey, as she had expected.

"I don't mean this as an insult but it's possible that you look worse than I do, Will," she remarked when her friend arrived and threw herself into the nearest chair.

"I've done something terrible," Willow replied, her head in her hands.

"Oh, please tell me!" Charlie said eagerly.

Willow glared at her.

"That's not really the response I was looking for," she said.

"Hey, I'm not apologising," the Sergeant replied. "Whatever situation you're in, my situation's worse. Your situation is like TV to me. Spill."

Willow laughed, visibly relaxing in her chair.

"I think… I think I like someone," she admitted.

"Alex?" Charlie asked bluntly.

Willow opened and closed her mouth a couple of times.

"It was pretty obvious that time I saw you together," Charlie pointed out. "Plus… we talk. She's become a really good friend actually."

Willow scooted closer.

"What has she said about me?" she asked desperately.

"Patient/Doctor confidentiality," Charlie apologised. "I can't tell you."

"Um… I don't think that applies…"

"I'm pretty sure it does," Charlie insisted. "I definitely can't break her confidence. But I can listen to yours."

She smiled sweetly. Willow sighed heavily and rested her head on her arms on Charlie's bed, confessing that she didn't even know where to start.

"The beginning is usually good," Charlie ventured.

Willow sat up again. Charlie was struck by a very familiar look in her friend's eyes.

"It started the second we met, I think," she admitted. "We just… clicked. It was like I'd met the other half of me or something. Is that… weird? I mean… aren't I supposed to meet a guy and feel that?"

"Not necessarily," Charlie said. "It doesn't always happen like that."

"And I get that," Willow said. "I'm as gay friendly as the next person. I just… I never even considered that I'd ever be attracted to a woman. Like, I just assumed that if you were gay or bi or whatever, that it was always there. Isn't it always there?"
"Not always," Charlie said. "I think everyone is different, Willow. Every single person is on their own journey. Some people always know. Some people know early. Some people… it hits them like a lightening bolt much later on."

"Exactly like a lightening bolt," Willow sighed. "I mean… I've only ever dated guys. But then I kissed her last night and…"

"Woah! You kissed again last night?" Charlie asked.

"Again?" Willow interrupted. "You seriously know a lot."

Charlie shrugged and looked innocent.

"Yes, we kissed again," Willow said. "And I kissed her this time. I just haven't been able to get that first kiss out of my head, Charlie. All I've wanted to do is do it again. And it was so amazing. It was the best kiss I've ever had in my life…"

She sighed, smiling to herself just thinking about it. Charlie was amused.

"But then she stopped it, telling me that I was going to change my mind in the morning and say it was a mistake," Willow frowned.

"And have you?" Charlie asked.

"I don't know," Willow said. "On the one hand…"

"You've got this incredible woman that you're deeply attracted to and have this amazing connection with and you want to explore it," Charlie said. "On the other, she's a woman, you're shocked that you might not be as straight as you realised and you're scared of labels and judgement."

"Precisely," Willow said.

She looked at Charlie, someone she had always turned to for guidance in the past.

"What am I meant to do?"

"Take the first hand," Charlie said. "That amazing woman. Trust it. Respect it. Take the other hand and throw it away. It doesn't matter."

"But…"

"Unless you're not sure," Charlie said. "Because if you're going to hurt the amazing woman then you need to think a little more carefully."

"But how do I know if I'm going to hurt her or not?" Willow said. "I mean…"

"Well, is it real, what you're feeling or is it an experiment?" Charlie asked directly.

"No," Willow said. "It's real. That's half the problem."

"Then you need to be brave, Willow," Charlie said. "You need to be brave and you need to be honest. With yourself and with Alex."

"But I tried that yesterday and she pushed me away!"

"Just because Alex is out, doesn't mean she doesn't get scared too sometimes," Charlie said. "It doesn't mean she isn't afraid of getting hurt as well. Not to break Patient/Doctor Confidentiality but she really likes you."

Alex very reluctantly arrived at work. She had hardly slept for replaying her kiss with Willow. It had been amazing. She hadn't felt like this about someone in a long time. She hadn't thought like she would ever feel like this about someone again. Half the reason she had been temping was because she felt and truthfully, wanted to continue to feel disconnected from people. But there was just something about Willow Harris that she just felt unable to escape.

"So, you think I should go for it with Alex?" Willow asked hesitantly.

"I think you should follow your heart," Charlie told her.

She caught hold of her friend's hand.

"Don't make the same mistake I did, okay?" she said.

Willow looked utterly confused, wondering what she meant.

"A few years ago, I was you," she said. "I met a woman who made my heart beat faster and confused everything I thought I knew about myself. So you're not alone, Willow. It does happen. And it can be completely overwhelming. But I messed everything up. I met my soul mate and I lost her because I wasn't brave and I couldn't be honest with myself or the people around me. I lied. In the end, I just completely broke her heart. And I lost her. And maybe if I hadn't… well, who knows where we'd be and what we'd be doing with our lives?"

"Charlie, I had no idea," Willow said seriously.

"It's not something I talk about much," Charlie said. "And not because Joey's a woman but because I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself for my behaviour."

"Wait, Joey? The girl I met last night at Angelo's?" Willow realised.

"Well, I wasn't there but I would assume so," Charlie said.

"Ugh, I'm so stupid!" Willow said. "She was talking to Alex and I was jealous even though Aden told me she was in love with someone else…"

"She's in love…?" Charlie asked anxiously.

"You, obviously!" Willow said.

"How do you know that?"

"Charlie, you get shot and despite the crap you claim to have put her through, she comes rushing back here?" Willow said. "Who the hell do you think she's in love with?"

Charlie felt a rush of happiness flood her soul. She remembered the way Joey had stroked her hand and her arm the day before. The thought of it made her tingle.

"So… what are you going to do now she's back?" Willow asked eagerly. "I heard that you and Brax have split. Is it because you're still in love with Joey?"

"It was a mix of things," Charlie said with a sigh. "As for me and Joey, I have no idea. But I love spending time with her as much as I always did. More so, if that's possible. She's just… amazing."

"Well, perhaps I need to make an effort to get to know this girl, now I know who she really is!" Willow remarked.

"You should," Charlie said. "She is. But first, you have more pressing matters."

Willow sighed heavily and again asked for more direct advice.

"Only you can answer the question of how you feel about Alex," Charlie said. "But if you do have genuine feelings for her, all I can say is don't be scared of them. Don't get so hung up on Alex being a woman and just remember that she's a person. A pretty awesome person at that."

"She is," Willow agreed.

They looked up when the woman in question knocked and entered the room.

"As if by magic!" Charlie said happily.

Alex froze. She hadn't expected to see Willow at the hospital. If anything, she had hoped to talk to Charlie about Willow.

"I'm fine, Doc," Charlie said. "You and Willow talk first."

She waved them out of the room, Alex glaring at her patient as she left. Charlie sat back in her hospital rather pleased with herself.

Alex took Willow to her office. She sat on the edge of her desk, folding and unfolding, then refolding her arms. Then she stood back up.

"So um… Charlie told me about her and that Joey girl…" Willow ventured.

"I don't really have time to gossip," Alex said. "I have patients to see."

She moved past her to leave. Willow caught hold of her hand. They both felt the shudder of electricity between them.

"She gave me some good advice, actually," Willow said. "About… following your heart."

She locked eyes with Alex, who dared to ask what Willow's heart was telling her.

"It's telling me that what I feel for you is real," Willow said. "It not what I was expecting. It's definitely not what I was expecting. But I just… I feel this connection with you that's so strong and I just… I can't walk away from it. But… how do you feel?"

"You know how I feel," Alex said quietly.

"I thought I did," Willow said. "But last night…"

"I was trying to do the right thing last night," Alex said, sinking into a chair.

Willow sat in the opposite one. She reached for both of Alex's hands.

"And that's just one of the many things that makes me adore you," Willow said earnestly. "And I do. Adore you, I mean. I adore everything about you. You're so smart and funny and kind. And beautiful. I mean, I never thought I'd feel like this about…"

She laughed and shook her head.

"But Charlie told me not to be stupid about it," she said. "I mean, she was nicer about it than that but that's what it came down to. And she's right. Last night… that was the happiest I think I've ever felt in my life. Being with you… like that."

She gazed at Alex and then after several moments of silence, begged her to say something.

"I really like you, Willow," Alex told her honestly. "I have from the moment I met you. It was like this connection that I couldn't even explain. And that kiss last night… it was… I could hardly sleep last night for how you made me feel."

"And how do you feel now?" Willow asked.

"I feel hopeful," Alex admitted. "And a little scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"I'm scared that if something happened between us, it wouldn't last," Alex told her honestly. "That it might turn out to be a phase or something for you. A curiosity. And I just… I don't do casual. When I do something, I do it with my whole heart."

"So do I," Willow told her, squeezing her hands. "I wouldn't even be considering this if it didn't mean something to me. If you didn't mean something to me."

"But what if…?"

"I can't promise not to hurt you any more than you can promise not to hurt me," Willow interrupted. "That's not the way relationships work, unfortunately. But I can promise to always try my best to do right by you, to put you first, to care for you, to be honest with you. I can promise those things. If you can promise to be patient with me while I wrap my head around stuff you got your head around… how many years ago?"

"A lot of years ago," Alex said vaguely. "And yes, I can be patient. I know how scary it can be. And we don't have to rush anything or even label anything. I'm not expecting you to start waving rainbow flags and making announcements through your megaphone during boot camp."

Willow grinned. She leant forward and kissed her shyly. Just like before, it felt like fireworks were being let off.

Next time… Charlie frets about her future while Alex and Willow progress with their relationship…