A/N: Well I'm back in lockdown, I still own nothing the 100 related. Enjoy a chapter full of Bellamy and Clarke since we don't seem to be seeing much of either of them this season.
Per usual, thanks to PenguinofProse for being an amazingly patient beta.
Chapter Eleven
The morning following girls' night, after seeing all their house guests off - because let's be fair, anyone who knew Clarke wouldn't risk her attempting to make them breakfast - Clarke and Madi headed into the center of town, to their favourite diner for breakfast. Madi somehow inhaled a batch of waffles while animatedly chatting about her plans with her friends. Since Madi had decided against a party for her birthday the following day, her friends, most of whom had come up from Polis Junior High with her, were treating her to a few rounds of laser tag and lunch, and Madi was thrilled they cared enough to do so.
Just as they were finishing their breakfast, Ethan Hardy, Madi's best friend showed up to walk with Madi to meet the rest of the group. He greeted Clarke as he always did with a super polite "Ms. Griffin" that still made her almost laugh, and moments later Clarke was waving them off.
A quick time check reminded Clarke she still had a few hours before she needed to be anywhere, so she retrieved her sketching supplies from her truck and headed to her favourite coffee house, ordered a cinnamon latte and took a seat in a small booth by a window, so she could glance out onto Main Street.
What felt like moments later, someone called her name and she glanced up to find a grinning Bellamy standing by her table. "Bellamy?"
He chuckled at her. "You still zone out when you're being creative. I got you another coffee, cinnamon latte if I remember correctly. Do you mind me joining you?" He hoisted the strap of his satchel higher on his shoulder and waited.
Clarke had to pinch herself to stop herself from reacting. She could act normally around him, surely, despite having finally admitted aloud that she had been in love with Bellamy for longer than she was consciously aware of. How did she normally act around him? Panicking, she suddenly couldn't remember what normal was.
Some time during her freak out he had already taken a seat across from her and was looking at her with a combination of concern and confusion, his hand hesitating halfway across the tabletop as though he were trying to decide whether he could touch her or not.
Clarke had to physically shake herself to get her focus back on track. "Sorry, sorry, you surprised me. I didn't mean to zone out. What did you say?"
"Are you okay? You looked a little panicky for a second there." He hesitated so briefly she almost missed it and returned his hand to rest before him. "I can go if you want?" He actually looked as though that option might cause him physical pain.
"No! No." She insisted, probably with way more enthusiasm than was warranted, her heart aching at his expression. She was so screwed. "The panicky look is a lot more common than you'd think. It's almost my first response to everything these days."
"I don't remember seeing that reaction when we had that run in at the bar three weeks ago." Three weeks. So few weeks for her life to be so turned around again.
"Sure I did. You just hadn't seen me yet. I hid in the bathroom for long enough to call O and almost freak out." Well shit, that was way more information than she had wanted to give him. "An organised re-meeting would probably have gone better for both of us, don't you think?" Hopefully her smile wasn't awkward or out of the ordinary.
She must have pulled it off because after studying her suspiciously for a few moments he relaxed. "Yeah," he agreed, with a small crook of a smile of his own. "That could have gone a lot better."
"So what brings you here?" she smiled, changing the subject with the hopes of having a conversation that wasn't serious or depressing for once. She didn't need him feeling any more sorry for her than he already did. She shuffled her papers out of his way and into a messy pile and glanced around, half expecting Echo to pop out of the woodwork and make this a test for her sanity. "You're by yourself?"
"Just me," he confirmed. "I have lesson plans to organise and papers to grade. I was just stopping for a coffee before the library opens."
"You don't work at home?"
"My apartment isn't particularly cheerful," he shrugged. "I prefer the atmosphere in the library."
"It's nice to know some things will never change." She huffed out something that resembled a laugh and rolled her eyes. "What's Echo up to? I thought she said she was meeting you."
"We had a quick breakfast with Emori and Murphy during which time the girls decided they were going to spend the day together while Murphy and I both work," Bellamy replied with what looked like a carefully neutral expression. "What about you? Not working today?"
"We don't open the shop until eleven on Saturdays and my first scheduled appointment isn't until an hour after that," Clarke summarised. "Since Lincoln is opening, I'm doing drop off."
"Drop off?"
"Oh, right," Clarke startled, suddenly remembering that he wouldn't be up to date on everything. "Lincoln and I both sell some of our artwork through a couple of the local galleries. It's my turn to do the rounds today and drop off new pieces for them to sell."
"You sell your art now?" Bellamy perked up, pride for her shinning in his eyes. He had always encouraged her to try selling it.
"We have multiple cash streams these days," she smiled lopsidedly. "Including through the parlour, online and occasionally at markets."
"The tattoo parlour? What do you mean by that?"
"Well, obviously, The Mad Tatter is primarily a tattoo shop, but these days Lincoln and I work mainly by appointment so we can keep our hours more flexible. We have four other chairs that we basically rent out and make a commission from. It also allows us to get well known tattoo artists in from time to time, which brings in more people and helps with exposure too. Meanwhile, we noticed people taking an interest in some of our original tattoo sketches and so we frame the more interesting pieces and sell them."
"What a great idea."
"I still have my moments from time to time." She grinned crookedly. "It's great because it means they aren't all just siting uselessly in a display book somewhere."
He was staring at her with a soft sort of expression that made her insides quiver traitorously. "What?" she wondered suspiciously.
"Nothing," he grinned at her. "It's just good to know things are going well for you. I seem to have metaphorically stumbled across the darker side of things already."
"Even if there's less of it, the good stuff outweighs the bad," Clarke assured him, smiling softly. "It was probably better for you to find out about it sooner rather than later though, right?"
The look that flashed across his face gave her pause. It was almost guilty, and she wondered if perhaps there was something that had happened to him in the last six years that he wasn't prepared to tell her. He inhaled and his lips parted, verging on speaking, when a server brought their coffees to the table and Bellamy shook himself, a combination of disappointment and relief stamped all over his face.
"Yeah, knowing earlier helped me understand that these years weren't easy on you."
Even without seeing his expression, Clarke was pretty sure she would have recognised his response was some kind of cop out, but she reminded herself she still didn't have the right to pry at this point in their reconciliation. Besides, it wasn't as though she had told him everything yet, and she still wasn't sure she ever should.
Recognising that responding to his comment might take things in a deeper direction than either of them was obviously ready for and ruin what was shaping up to be the closest to a 'normal' conversation they'd had since reentering each other's lives, Clarke went a simpler route. "Do you realise that this is the first time we've been completely alone alone in six years?"
He blinked at her for a moment, a faraway look in his eyes. "Huh." He huffed out a laugh, then his grin spread. "Yeah, you're right. No wonder things feel a bit more normal."
There was the panicky feeling again. Was this normal? Did that mean he had noticed she had been acting strangely? Clarke reached for her coffee to cover for any odd, twitchy behaviour, sipping it quietly for a moment to gather her bearings before meeting his eyes again with a small smile. "Normal?"
"Yeah." One side of his lips quirked up in a familiar fashion. "It feels a little more like old times. No one's here to interrupt us when there's finally a flow to the conversation."
Clarke was pretty sure his girlfriend was the main culprit in the interruption department, but saying that might be a step in the wrong direction, especially when she couldn't be sure she wasn't being unintentionally biased. So she just smiled back at him and continued to sip at her coffee.
They smiled, perhaps a little stupidly, at each other for a while, before Bellamy glanced at her pile of papers.
"So what are you working on?" He nodded at her sketches.
"Nothing in particular," she admitted, nudging her pile a little to indicate he could look if he wanted, and he immediately took it as an invitation, reaching across the table and pulling them closer to leaf through. "There's a few things for clients, some just because. That one's for Echo." Was it normal to feel so nervous about the fact she had sketched some tattoo ideas at his girlfriend's request?
"Oh?" He paused to study the sketches closer. "Gladioli?" He shot her a questioning look. "Is it for her parents?"
He should know, Clarke sighed internally. Bellamy was both the reason Clarke had taken an interest in the meaning behind flowers, and the person who should know Echo and her motivation best. However, Bellamy just made a noise of acceptance in the back of his throat and kept looking through the drawings without further comment, surprising Clarke. Shouldn't he, as Echo's significant other, at the very least have an opinion on whether or not Echo would like her designs?
Bellamy, however, distracted her when he abruptly halted mid-movement to stare down at one particular design, an expression of shock taking over his face. Clarke tilted her head around to get a look at which drawing had stopped him in his tracks, but his hand was in the way and standing would have been too obvious a move. She was pretty sure there weren't any sketches of him in that particular sketchbook, but she was starting to get concerned that maybe she was remembering wrong.
She needn't have worried though, because seconds later his focus shifted to her and he held the sketch up for her to see. A half finished drawing of an antique hourglass the sand forming images in its two glass halves.
"Does this belong to anyone?" Bellamy asked, voice and expression both seeming carefully blank now.
"No." Clarke shook her head, frowning mostly out of confusion since she couldn't seem to figure out what would provoke such a peculiar reaction from him.
He paused, gaze wavering to something vulnerable for a second. "Can I have it?"
Clarke blinked stupidly at him for longer than she was entirely comfortable with before nodding. "Sure, but it's not finished yet."
"When you've finished it then?" Bellamy seemed relieved and something clicked in the back of Clarke's mind. Echo's words from the night before about Bellamy's unfinished tattoo, came back to her.
"I don't know if I'm overstepping," Clarke hated that she faltered when she asked him things nowadays. "But this wouldn't have anything to do with an unfinished tattoo Echo mentioned, would it?"
Bellamy looked surprised for a brief second before that vulnerable expression reappeared. He cleared his throat and wouldn't meet her eyes when he spoke. "It's not overstepping, but it's not something I'm ready to talk about. Especially not in a crowded coffee shop." He glanced back up at her, a hint of guilt in his eyes now. "I'm fully aware that I already know about your darkest issue, and I'm being hypocritical not wanting to tell you mine."
That struck a chord in her. The way he phrased his explanation. Not just because he was basically telling her that something truly dark must have happened to him in the last six years, but because he was assuming her PTSD was her darkest secret and she wasn't prepared to correct him.
While she was fighting off both the desire to spill everything to him, and the panic that he might find out, Bellamy continued to talk. "After my injury, I went through a bit of a rough patch. Having to readjust everything in my life so abruptly did a number on me. I started the tattoo during that time, but thankfully realised I was taking it in a direction I didn't want permanently etched onto my body before I got any further in the inking process." He shot her a tentative glance, trying to read her expression. Whatever he saw on her face must have been satisfactory, because a small smile peeked out at her. "This sketch," he tapped the drawing. "It struck me how similar it is to the original design, but it's a far more positive spin. It's almost a perfect replacement, which is shocking when you consider you've seen neither the original design nor the tattoo itself." He was outright grinning now, and Clarke wasn't really sure why.
"Well," she started, unsure as to what she was supposed to say. "I guess this sketch was meant for you then." That would have to do for now, her emotions were an indecipherable, complicated puddle right at that second. She couldn't resist one thing though, and reached out to cover his hand with one of hers, consciously trying to block out his warmth. "Thank you for sharing even that much with me." She made to retrieve her hand but he caught it in his and she froze, her system going into some sort of overdrive while it tried to decide if it was panicked or elated.
"I should be saying that to you, Clarke." Bellamy's voice had gone so deep, thick with emotion. "Allowing me back into your life after everything can't have been easy."
She wasn't comfortable with this. If she couldn't get her hand back, couldn't turn their conversation to a less emotional subject, she was going to melt down and give herself away. So she smiled, squeezed his hand before withdrawing her own and tried to ignore the extra thump her heart gave when a sour look of disappointment crossed his face with her movements. To cover herself she reached for her coffee again. "That goes both ways," she murmured, then pulled a face when she sipped at the cold coffee.
Bellamy let the disappointment fall away for a second to smile at her. "Want another?" He was still used to her drinking coffee as though her life depended on it, when these days not drinking too much was what passed as normal now.
"No actually, thanks though." She tried for a smile. "I'll have to head off soon." She glanced at the time, surprised to see just how much of it had passed them by. "Actually I should have already. The galleries are already open."
He was looking very disheartened again before hope flashed into his eyes. "Want some company?"
Clarke was surprised again. "What about your grading?"
"It can wait a little longer." He shrugged, as though blowing off work to spend time with her was still completely normal. That sounded too much like something he would have done six years before and she wasn't sure how she felt about blurring the distinction of then and now.
"Only if you're sure." The idea of keeping his company, however, even for a little longer had her full of anticipation, but her underlying anxiety was still trying to peek through and she needed the logic to stop.
Bellamy was watching her. He appeared a little unsure all of a sudden...maybe she had sounded unenthusiastic?
"You wouldn't be wasting too much time if you come along would you?" She wondered.
He smiled almost fondly at her. "I wouldn't have offered if I thought so."
She couldn't help but smile, it was just so pre-separation Bellamy. "Seems like it's going to take us a little while to stop dancing around each other," she spoke as dryly as possible while she gathered up her things. She spotted her phone flashing at her and realised she had forgotten to unmute it and missed a text from Madi.
"Everything alright?" Bellamy looked concerned.
"Yeah, sorry. It's just Madi checking in." Clarke finished gathering her stuff and led him out onto the sidewalk.
"Where is Madi?"
"Her friends are spoiling her for her birthday."
"It's her birthday?"
"Tomorrow. Chances are pretty good Octavia will bring out a cake or something tonight after dinner. Just so you know."
"I didn't get her anything though." He looked a little panicked.
"Bellamy, not only did you not know, but you're her teacher. There's no need for you to have gotten her something."
Her statement turned his expression even more sour and Clarke had to take pity on him. He wasn't aware yet of Madi's troubled childhood.
"Look, she may seem pretty cheerful and outgoing these days, but she actually gets really self-conscious about receiving things from others." Clarke halted in her steps to meet Bellamy's eyes. "In the early days, Madi would get uncomfortable just being given attention. Even now, most of the time we just have to do something with her rather than give her presents. The first time I tried to celebrate her birthday with her, it was just us and Lincoln. Madi spent half an hour crying and apologising."
Bellamy looked stricken by her statement.
"These days everyone buys her potted plants," Clarke went on. "Just whatever you do, don't apologise for not getting her anything."
He gave a hesitant nod and cleared his throat. "Octavia mentioned Madi's childhood wasn't easy. Mostly she cursed out Madi's father. I take it it's all connected?"
"Yup." Clarke made sure to imply she wouldn't say anything else on the matter. She didn't like to tell Madi's story without Madi's permission.
Bellamy seemed to take the hint, though he looked a little disappointed as they started walking again. "It's good she stays in touch at least. Even when we had mobiles, O hardly ever let me know she was okay."
Clarke chuckled at that, remembering many a venting session in which Bellamy had complained about Octavia's tendency to forget to check in from time to time. "Yeah, well, she's fifteen as of tomorrow. She doesn't need or want constant supervision, but we walk a fine line because of social services so we just had to find the happy medium that lets her have a life and independence but I still have a way to make the social workers happy about how well I'm looking out for her safety and well-being."
"I heard you're trying to adopt her?"
"It's a long process, made harder by the fact that her father is alive. The asshole doesn't want to sign over all his rights even though he's in prison and never looked after her properly to begin with." Clarke couldn't help but let the anger boil up. "Also because I'm single and not even thirty has always been an issue. Even when it's plain as day that Madi has done so much better in our family than she ever did with her own or in any of the foster homes they tried to put her in."
"Single?" Bellamy looked really confused. "But you have Roan."
Something vaguely resembling guilt pooled at the base of her guts. "Neither married nor living together," Clarke summarised. "I mean, Roan brought it up as a way to insure I could adopt Madi, but that's hardly fair to anyone. I don't want to get married just because of Madi, I think that would have been a bigger commitment than he really realised." She found she couldn't look at Bellamy as she explained this away, scared to know his reaction to it. The resulting silence between them as they walked was almost worse than the not knowing and Clarke was glad when they reached her truck.
Bellamy let out a disbelieving laugh suddenly. "Is that the truck I helped you pick out before you came over to Europe?" He was staring in some kind of awed horror at her second hand, used to be baby blue but was now very faded, pickup truck. "That was basically ancient when we picked it out. No wonder everyone makes jokes about your ride."
Clarke pouted, she couldn't help it. He'd helped her pick it out and she had been clinging to it in some kind of desperate attempt to not completely lose the memories that went along with it. "Yeah, well, I'm attached to it and I'm keeping it until it's no longer road safe." With that said, she went about her task.
Bellamy helped her lug the paintings into the gallery, hung back patiently while she spoke to the staff, then followed her back to the car and repeated the process with the next gallery.
Central Polis had four art galleries, all spaced out down Main Street or just off the main road. Clarke and Lincoln had a working relationship with all of them. This meant, however, that Clarke had to move her truck after the first two trips or carry numerous pieces of art down the street before driving right past again to get to work. When she explained this to Bellamy, he just nodded and walked around to the passenger side door, surprising Clarke, not because he was coming along, but because it took him further away then his original destination of the library.
Half curious about what he was planning to do, and half afraid that if she said anything he would change his mind and not tag along, Clarke opted to stay quiet and got on with it.
When the final gallery drop off was complete, Clarke pulled the truck into her parking space behind the Mad Tatter and led Bellamy to another cafe where she ordered a coffee for both Bellamy and Lincoln and a completely caffeine-free Chai latte for herself, much to Bellamy's obvious surprise.
"So, are you planning to follow me into work too?" Clarke finally gave in and asked as they waited for the takeaway coffees.
"Looks that way." He joked with a smirk, but a shadow of uncertainty fell across his features. "Is that alright? I mean, we're both going to O's later, yeah?"
"You're going to spend the whole day hanging around a tattoo parlour?" Clarke hadn't meant to sound so surprised, really, but she was wondering if his brain had taken a hike today. Was he forgetting that everything had changed between them? That he wasn't the same person who had dropped everything to spend as much time as he could with her? "What about getting work done?"
"I really just need a surface somewhere and I can get it done." He offered up and a little thrill shot through her when it occurred to her that maybe he really did just wanted to spend time with her, even if that meant only talking when she wasn't working.
"Okay then." She smiled brightly, feeling a little fuzzy around the edges. The lines were blurring and she couldn't bring herself to care.
"So how are you celebrating Madi's birthday tomorrow?" Bellamy wondered, bringing the conversation back to a neutral topic.
Clarke groaned before she could stop herself. "Don't ask me how it happened, but somehow we're going hiking."
"Hiking?" Bellamy let out a noise of disbelief.
"Yeah, see, you get me! And if I ever figure out who suggested the idea to Madi I might just commit murder." Clarke huffed and shot Bellamy a side glance. "If you never see me again after tomorrow, they lost me on the trail and something ate me."
Bellamy snorted out a laugh. "You may hate hiking through a forest but I'd bet on you surviving a fight with most wild animals."
She pulled a face at him. "The last time they took me hiking I ended up with a sprained ankle from stepping on a damn pebble, so maybe don't put so much faith in me." Her name was called and she handed over his coffee, picking up hers and Lincoln's cups before leading the way back onto the street and towards work. "To be fair though, Lincoln will probably hang back and make sure nothing happens to me."
"Lincoln's coming along?" There was something in his voice and the slight furrowing of his brow, but Clarke couldn't place it.
"And Roan and Octavia. You didn't think I'd be crazy enough to take my daughter out into the wilderness alone, did you?" She chuckled, trying to lighten the mood and wondering if maybe he was upset he wasn't being included. "They basically teamed up against me. But what Madi wants to do on her birthday, we do."
They entered the tattoo parlour and Clarke called a greeting.
Lincoln raised his head from where he was putting ink to skin to respond and spotted Bellamy, his eyebrows shooting up.
"Look who I ran into." Clarke grinned, and hoped for all she was worth that no one could tell how awkward she was suddenly feeling. Even Lincoln would read into this, not to mention he would tell Octavia who unlike her more subtle plus one wouldn't hesitate to grill her.
Lincoln and Bellamy exchanged a brief nod and hello and a sense of deja vu hit her. It was almost like being back to six years ago when Bellamy was a strange combination of curt and overly polite to Lincoln, but sucked it up because Clarke was in the room. Shaking the feeling off, Clarke wandered over to put Lincoln's coffee at his station, and moved off to drop her things in the backroom, momentarily surprised to find Bellamy wasn't trailing after her, before she reminded herself that this wasn't old times.
She took the few moments alone to do some breathing exercises and when she came back out, she found he had already set himself up in between her station and Lincoln's, at the bench that ran the length of the wall. The three men - Lincoln's client included - were chatting jovially. This picture of casual happiness caused her heart to stutter and she needed to take a few more deep breaths before joining them and going about setting up her station.
And so that was how the rest of the day went. Aside from when he briefly disappeared and returned with lunch for them all, Bellamy alternated between his papers and chatting with them. Meanwhile, Clarke had to practice remembering that this was not the past, and the ease with which today seemed to be going may not last. When Lincoln finished up for the day, he offered Bellamy a lift, but Bellamy just shook his head, not even looking up from his papers.
When she was finally done for the day, Bellamy was already packing away his things, and when she was done with her "boss" duties, Clarke returned to find him staring at one particular sketch framed on the wall by her station. The irony almost made her laugh, the half antique, half contemporary compass design was inked on his sister's skin.
"You like that one?" She wondered, trying to be casual.
"I do," he agreed. "There's something about it."
"You should ask your sister to see the finished design." Clarke couldn't help but grin at his stunned expression and motioned for him to follow her out, farewelling the artists staying on to work the Saturday night shift.
"That's O's?" Bellamy didn't hesitate to follow her out to her truck and climb back into the passenger side.
"She asked me for it maybe a year and a half ago," Clarke summarised, getting them out onto the road. "It was while the two of you weren't speaking to each other. She was going through a rough time and wanted something to remind her."
"Remind her of what?" There was something in his voice, a hesitancy or almost fear, that made her glance over to check on his well being.
"Of you, Bellamy." She tried for a soft, comforting smile. "She said you were always her guide, her compass, and things went a little to hell after she cut you out of her life...have the two of you not spoken about your time apart from each other?"
"Apparently not enough." Another glance showed Bellamy was frowning worriedly. "She kept implying that nothing had gone badly for her."
"You might consider rectifying that when you're both ready then." She should probably feel guilty about putting Octavia in this position, but Clarke knew Octavia hadn't really fully moved on from anything that had happened in the two and a half years Bellamy hadn't been a part of her life. "But since it isn't my place to say anything further, and you and I haven't even talked about six years ago, I probably shouldn't be offering up advice about talking things through, should I?" She huffed at herself in annoyance, both for her choice of words, and bringing that back to the forefront.
"Maybe when we're both ready, we can get to that?" Bellamy's tone was tentative and she could see from the corner of her eye, that he was avoiding looking at her.
A silence stretched out between them for too long before Clarke decided what to say. "I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to hash out everything from six years ago, but that might be my anxiety talking." She let out a long exhale to try to steady herself, and kept her eyes focused on navigating the streets. "But there is one thing I should say. Our fight, I regretted it, and not just down the line. As it was happening. I don't want to make excuses for myself, but I was in a bad place and I think I pushed you away because I wanted to tell you about it. Everything after, with the group fall out...I didn't expect any of that to happen and what had started out as thinking I was giving you time to cool down and me to figure out how to fix it, became me running away and not having the courage to call you when I should have."
"Clarke," the timbre of his voice almost broke her.
"Not right now, please." She realised that sounded a little too much like begging, as she shook her head to ward off darker thoughts. "I just needed to say it. The rest can wait. I've really been enjoying today and not letting darkness touch it. Can we stick to that?"
He paused for a few uncomfortable moments. "Of course Clarke," came out on a sigh she refused to analyse the tone of.
They rode in a silence that was somewhere between uncomfortable and companionable for a few blocks before Clarke couldn't stand it anymore.
"So something came up last night and it's made me really curious." She started hesitantly. "Do you mind if I ask why you used to call me Princess?"
Bellamy shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable, so she went on speaking.
"Did I ever tell you that it's what Finn used to call me? It's part of why it annoyed me so much when you started using it. I'm sure your reasoning can't be any worse than his excuse that I was richer than our peers and that somehow made me the school princess." She shot him a sidelong glance, noticing his annoyed frown. "It used to annoy me when he said it too."
"That's some pretty shitty reasoning." He commented. "And childish too. How come you never told me that?"
Clarke shrugged and refused to look back over at him. She couldn't tell him it was because she had eventually grown to like the affection in his tone. "Originally I didn't like you enough to tell you the whole backstory. Then I got used to it and thought that, if I told you, you would stop."
Bellamy seemed to hesitate for a few more seconds. "Promise not to get annoyed at me?"
"Promise." She nodded once.
"One reason was probably because that first night we met, I was a little embarrassed to have been caught having a drunken one night stand with someone I considered a friend, I was already worried things would be awkward between Raven and I in the morning, since it wasn't my best performance, given how much I'd had to drink. Thankfully, to this day, everyone who knows about it has just pretended like it never happened." Bellamy scoffed at himself. "But honestly, the main reason, even landed on your arse with smudged makeup all over your face, you reminded me of an angry Disney princess. All simmering death glare but totally calm and focused and classy. It came out without me really meaning to say it and I just couldn't stop myself after that."
She really couldn't help but laugh. "I'll take angry Disney princess over spoiled rich kid any day."
"I used to like to pretend that night never happened," Bellamy admitted quietly, shifting in his seat again. She almost couldn't resist glancing over. "But if it hadn't, we would have met in a completely normal way and I don't know that our friendship would have ended up playing out the way it did."
Well, that seemed deeply emotional somehow. Clarke thought, as her insides squeezed and she fought off a sudden swell of emotions. What was she supposed to say to something like that?
Thankfully their arrival at Octavia's place saved her from having to.
Upon entering, some of their family was far more subtle than others, only casting them a few sideways glances. Of course, then you had Murphy who openly took them in with raised eyebrows and arms crossed over his chest.
"Anyone else just get a crazy strong sense of deja vu?" Surprisingly that comment came straight from Miller, and the various noises of agreement caused Clarke to suppress a squirm of discomfort until Madi caught her attention and waved her over in her usual exuberant fashion.
Clarke received a tight hug before Madi continued to regale their family with her adventures for the day, and Clarke quickly turned her back on the sight of Bellamy and Echo's greeting kiss.
Barely seconds later she felt him at her elbow before she consciously noticed him, and glanced at Bellamy to find him giving her a sidelong look she couldn't quite identify. His eyes met hers and she gave him a tentative smile that he returned with a much wider one, that conveyed something suspiciously like relief.
His presence right beside her while they were surrounded by their family was making her hyperaware, and that familiar panicked fluttering returned to her diaphragm. It was all too reminiscent of the old them, and she wasn't that person any longer. So, like a coward, she looked to Octavia, caught her eye and tried to subtly beg for rescue. The younger Blake didn't even hesitate to act as though she had just remembered something she needed to urgently talk to Clarke about and pulled her out of earshot.
"That was freakishly close to being like old times." Octavia breathed a sigh of relief. "My brother actually moved as though he was going to automatically follow us. What the hell happened today?"
"I ran into him getting coffee and somehow he ended up spending the day doing his grading at the shop. I just couldn't bring myself to send him away." Clarke wasn't even sure which emotion was coming through in her voice, but she was enforcing keeping her face carefully neutral for the rest of the night.
"Well then, we can add that to the growing list of discussion points needing to be revisited next time we're alone." Octavia rolled her eyes. "On another note, I tried to convince Roan to come for dinner and failed."
"He never comes here for family dinner." Clarke frowned, confused as to why Octavia had suddenly invited him.
"I thought he would be a useful distraction from my brother and Echo." Octavia's efforts on her behalf had Clarke tearing up just a little, her heart melting. "Madi's birthday seemed like a perfectly natural excuse to finally actually invite him. As it happens, he had dinner plans already, but since he was staying at yours tonight anyway, he said he'd stop by after dinner and bring a cake."
"You're someone truly special when you want to be," Clarke spoke with a grin and next thing she knew, Octavia was hugging her tightly and she was returning the sentiment and the two of them were laughing at each other tearing up over practically nothing.
Clarke saw Bellamy take a worried step towards them but the ensuing laughter seemed to give him pause, and he frowned in obvious confusion.
"That's it." Murphy declared with a shake of his head. "They've finally lost the plot."
"It was about time we caught up with you, don't you think?" Clarke retorted, pulling a face at him, and everyone was laughing in hearty agreement...except for Bellamy. There was an expression in the crinkle around his eyes that threatened to break her heart.
Clarke was still debating whether she was strong enough to ask him about it when Echo pulled his attention away and Lincoln started pulling dinner out of the oven. The rambunctious bunch that was her family took their seats, and she managed to catch a flash of disappointment as it crossed Bellamy's face before he followed Echo to sit at the opposite end of the table to Clarke. She also couldn't help but notice that he seemed less involved in the general cheer of the table during dinner.
In the lag between their meal and dessert, when Clarke disappeared into the kitchen with Octavia to tidy up the dishes, Bellamy followed them in and offered to help so his sister could sit and enjoy the full house. Octavia shot her a questioning glance that produced a glimmer of hurt in Bellamy's gaze before Clarke smiled at him and shooed Octavia away. Bellamy didn't hesitate to take her place and they worked in quiet synchronicity for a few moments while Clarke tried to decide what she should say to him.
She chickened out in the end and flicked some suds at him, which quickly dissolved into a childish bubble flinging fight.
With a great deal of effort, Clarke eventually got them back on track before things really got out of hand, and they were just loading the last of the dishes in the dishwasher when Clarke caught sight of Roan appearing over Bellamy's shoulder. She hadn't heard him come in, or really been aware of anything else going on in the adjoining room. She was in so much trouble going forward.
"Hey Blondie. Bellamy." Roan gave Bellamy a nod and moved to peck Clarke on the lips.
"Roan." Bellamy returned, almost visibly uncomfortable all of a sudden.
Just like that, Bellamy pulled away from Clarke. He stuck by Echo's side for the rest of the night. Outwardly he put out more cheer than he had during dinner, and sang along with everyone when they sung Madi 'Happy Birthday' over the cake. He even wore that lopsided smirk Clarke remembered so well when he presented Madi with a small cactus, he confessed to having picked it up from the florist beneath the Mad Tatter when he went out to buy their lunch when Clarke sidled up to him and asked - he really needed to stop doing sweet things like that or her sanity wouldn't stand a chance.
But he wouldn't meet her eyes, and Clarke couldn't make heads or tails of it.
It was when everyone was saying their goodbyes that she finally got up the courage to be the one to approach him again.
"Thanks for today," she murmured, letting her honest appreciation make an appearance for him. "I really did like spending time together again."
He studied her for a moment before that genuine but lopsided smile showed up. "Me too. We should try doing it on purpose next time."
Feeling especially brave for a moment, Clarke reached out to lightly grip his hand. "Call me any time, Bellamy. Awkward or weird or whatever, you're still my family too."
His eyes seemed suspiciously damp as he pulled her in for a quick hug before they each pulled back and went their separate ways.
Clarke couldn't help but think that, no matter the circumstances, his hugs still felt incredibly similar to home.
The atmosphere had grown awkward very quickly with Gina's arrival. To be fair, no one in their right mind would be happy to find their boyfriend sharing space with a woman they didn't know. And if Clarke had realised just how close they had been sitting, or that Bellamy even had a girlfriend who might drop by unexpectedly, she would have been a lot more conscious of her actions.
As it was, now that Gina had pulled Bellamy upstairs and slammed the door for good measure, all Clarke could do was shoot Miller a look across their dinner. "You didn't think maybe it would be handy to factor his girlfriend into the whole, surprising him and spending the week with him?"
Miller cringed guiltily. "To be honest, I kind of forgot about her." He admitted. "I mean, she's usually sort of just there in the background on the rare occasion she comes out with us. Plus, she hasn't been 'round in a while. I thought they'd broken up. How come you didn't already know? He tells you everything."
"Bellamy saying he's seeing someone usually just means a regular but casual bed buddy." There was no way to not sound defensive here. "I didn't realise there was actual dating involved. She doesn't look like the usual girls he favours."
"You mean slutty?" Bryan snickered from beside his boyfriend. "But seriously, for someone who's been getting laid regularly, he's been in a pretty shitty mood lately."
Muffled arguing filtered down to them and they almost laughed at how all three of them appeared to be straining to listen in.
"I'd suggest you go help him," Miller started, staring at the ceiling with an expression of mixed emotions. "But if he didn't tell his girlfriend his best friend is a girl, it's kind of on him."
"You think I'm his best friend?" Clarke softened giddily and the couple across from her laughed at her.
"I believe I've already mentioned that he talks about you more than Octavia." Miller rolled his eyes at her, grinning. "And drops everything when you call or message him. Tells you pretty much everything, actually pays full attention when you talk. And in case you haven't noticed, he's maybe the happiest I've ever seen him now you're here."
"Even I've noticed that his bad moods disappear when he talks to you." Bryan added.
Bellamy's phone started chirping from where he had left it beside his place at the dinning table, saving Clarke from having to respond. Octavia's name flashed across the screen for a video call. She knew she would have to think about the whys later, but Clarke didn't hesitate to reach over and answer.
"Say hi, O." Clarke turned so she, Miller and Bryan were all visible on the screen.
"Where's Bell?" Octavia wondered when the greetings were done.
"Arguing with his girlfriend," Bryan chimed in.
"Girlfriend? He has a girlfriend?" Octavia frowned, confused. "Like, an actual girl who's more than just a friend?"
"Seems like it."
"Huh. Well, that's a new development." Octavia raised surprised eyebrows now. "I don't think Bell has ever had an actual, proper girlfriend before."
"There's a first for everything, right?" Clarke grinned. The situation was pretty amusing, despite the awkwardness.
"Sure, sure. I just thought..." Octavia trailed off, giving Clarke a considering look. "You know what, never mind. I was calling because of this me coming to Europe thing that Bellamy left me a message about."
"You're coming, right?" Clarke frowned. "He's really excited."
Octavia snorted and rolled her eyes. "He's excited because you're there. But yeah, I probably will. I wish Lincoln could come too though. Any chance you could convince my brother?"
"I'm not a miracle worker." Clarke huffed. "It's obviously going to take time for him to warm to the person sleeping with his sister, no matter who it is. Besides, isn't Lincoln about to start mentoring a training program? Would he even be able to get the time off?"
"Not so sure about that first bit. And probably not, but it didn't hurt to have the option." Octavia's raised eyebrows somehow made her look as though she was laughing at her. "But putting all that aside for a moment, fill me in on the girlfriend? What's she like? Why are they arguing?"
"Apparently she wasn't aware I was also a she. That's the most I can say, I barely got an introduction."
"There's a pretty simple explanation for that Clarke." Octavia raised her eyebrows at her, though her serious expression quickly dissolved into a mischievous grin. "He talks to you more than anyone. Excessively so. If Lincoln was doing that and I suddenly found out it was with another woman, I'd be feeling pretty threatened."
"Jealous too." Bryan chimed in. Bryan really wasn't very helpful.
"So this is my fault?"
"Nope. It's my brother's." Octavia laughed.
They heard footsteps on the stairs and looked around to see Bellamy and Gina reappear.
"Clarke, turn me." Octavia ordered, and Clarke started, tilting the phone around.
"Is that O?" The pinched expression around Bellamy's lips and eyes didn't lessen as he collected the phone Clarke held out for him.
"Are you joining us for the rest of dinner?" Miller asked into the silence while Bellamy hid in the hallway to talk to his sister.
"No, thanks, I was just stopping by." There was an equally pinched expression on Gina's face, and Clarke couldn't help but feel both bad for and guilty towards Gina.
"You should join us some time," Clarke offered, tying to be distantly kind in a way that the other woman hopefully wouldn't feel patronised. "I'm only here for the week, but you should come along when you aren't busy."
"Thank you." The surprise was obvious, but there was something in Gina's eyes that suggested she wasn't entirely sure what the catch was.
Bellamy came back into the room and Gina bid him goodbye, one hand pressed over his heart and a long kiss that had Clarke raising her eyebrows and trying to figure out if it was some kind of display of ownership. When she was done, Bellamy just waved her off and rejoined them at the table as if nothing had happened, completely ignoring the curious stares of his companions.
It wasn't until Bryan and Miller had gone for the night, Miller staying at Bryan's for the week so Clarke could borrow his bed, that Bellamy brought the subject of Gina up again, completely out of the blue.
"Gina was annoyed that Bryan was here to meet you but she didn't get an invite."
"Okay..." How was she supposed to roll with that? "Is there a reason you didn't want her to meet me?"
Bellamy just shrugged, so Clarke left it alone, going back to the train schedules so they could finish planning out what they had time to sightsee throughout the coming week. They had been debating whether they had the time to fly or train out to any other cities when he had changed the subject.
"She booked a flight to come and spend some time in Trikru while I was there. As a surprise."
It was the fact that he didn't seem thrilled at the idea that really caught Clarke's attention now. "That's a problem?"
"How would you feel if the person you were seeing invited themselves out, without telling you, to meet your family?" It wasn't a retort, but an honest to goodness, genuine question.
"I feel like you're asking me for relationship advice."
He glanced at her, a wariness in his eyes she wasn't used to seeing. "I think maybe I am."
"You do realise I've had a grand total of one serious relationship that turned out to be his side relationship, right? I'm hardly the best person to ask." Clarke wasn't sure why she couldn't seem to bring herself to just answer his question.
"One more than I've ever had," he muttered, weakening a resolve she hadn't realised she had to not get involved in his relationship. "But I trust you to give me an honest opinion." Trust, such a dangerous word.
"Look, I don't even know her. The most I can think to say on a relationship is why are you in it? Do you genuinely care for her, or is it just nice to have someone?" She had always asked herself something along those lines when she thought about whether it was strange to be single.
"It can't be somewhere in between?"
"I don't know Bell. You usually think with your heart, so just trust that. If it's right, it will work itself out, won't it? Soulmates don't always happen overnight, right?"
That seemed to startle him out of his thoughts. "You believe in soulmates?"
"That there's one perfect, destined person out there for everyone? I'm bisexual, Bellamy, so would that then mean that I have a soulmate in each gender, or that it's a luck of the draw which gender my soulmate is?" Clarke let out a little chuckle. "Either way, I prefer to believe that a soulmate isn't some preordained thing, and that everyone can find someone that will grow into being their soulmate. Not someone to complete you, but someone to just make your life better."
She was feeling self conscious with the look he was giving her.
"That's beautiful Clarke." He grinned at her, and threw his arm over her shoulders to hug her into his side. He turned his attention back to the papers in front of them, subject obviously closed. "I'm thinking we train to Valencia and Madrid only if there's time. Fly to Granada and Seville, and Lisbon for the weekend. Shorter travel times means we'll actually have more time to explore and there's things in each city I know you'd rather see."
"Sounds good." Clarke burrowed into his warmth, but an evil, niggling thought at the back of her mind couldn't help but wonder if he believed in soulmates.
End Note: Thanks for reading. As usual I appreciate every review, favourite or follow I receive. They really keep me going.