(Even on dark nights when the stars are blurry,
I'm unable to carry the burden in this small chest,
Even though my feet have begun to adjust a little to these unfamiliar boots.)
"Thank you for helping me," Aoko's sapphire eyes glistened expressionlessly. She sounded as kind as usual. As kind as she had always been. As Kaito had always known her to yet there was something peculiar about the pauses between her speech, and the light furrow of her brows that she tried hard not to knot as she stared at the floor. "Who knows what would have happened if you didn't make it in time. . .so thank you, Kaito."
Kaito parted his lips and silently closed them, finding his voice lost in the silence. Even though Aoko's found hers, alive and well.
"But even though I'm thankful, I can't help but still hate you."
("I know," Kaito wanted to say. "I didn't expect anything else from you.")
But instead he remained silent.
Knowing to her, he was no longer Kaito – no longer the seventeen-year-old boy that she had known most of her life, but a stranger whose interaction had almost cost her life.
Kaito stole a glance at the edge of her stomach and Aoko reflexively covered the area with her hand.
"That's not your fault," she said, stunning him silent. "That's my mistake for believing in a liar."
Kaito's mouth parted, wordlessly. A strange silence slid in, thick and unnerving. Aoko massaged her hand, aching from the rough handlebars, giving him some time to digest, knowing how rough it was to swallow bitter pills of reality.
"So, what have you come here for?" she asked, thinking she gave him long enough to come to terms with their new standing relationship that posed a distance that he couldn't bridge, since he had been the cause of it, even though she was the initiator.
"I wanted to see how you were doing."
"Because I'm your information base?"
"No, that's not it," he said and she saw the way his hands fisted in his pockets.
"Then what did you come here to do?"
"I didn't think it's enough to apologise."
"It's not", Aoko agreed, and before he could say anything else, she added, "And don't come here and tell me you'll fix this because that's impossible."
"I wasn't planning that."
"Good, because I don't want to hear that. Not now. Not ever."
.
.
.
Watching the video file was rather a surreal experience for Saguru. No matter how many times he winded back and analysed each frame second by second – analysed every miniscule shift of their expression, the rising and falling tone of their voices and the matching intonation, faltering silence and uneasy breaths. Saguru knew there was something authentic about their interaction – authentic enough to flag his attention at the impossibility of it.
For Aoko to interact with Kaito without even a hint of distaste and contempt was surreal enough considering that she has had steeled her resolve to stand against him and his mirage of lies.
According to his speculation, Aoko should have been anywhere from hurt to livid from finding out that a decade of her life had been anything other than an illusionary depiction that Kaito had thievishly created. It was rather startling to see her interacting with Kaito so cordially and civil even in her sternness.
It made Saguru wonder whether Aoko had even the capability to remain firm against Kaito's hypnotic tenderness that entranced her for most of her life. Saguru was rather certain that Kaito's quiet and docile demeanour was a tactical plot to trick Aoko into lowering her guard, winding her back into his web where he could manipulate her once again into believing his innocence so she would advocate for his best interest again.
From that mere possibility alone, Saguru knew it was imperative to keep Aoko away from Kaito.
If Kaito were to infer and confuse her, the entire investigation into Kid would not only arrive at a dead end, but remain into obscurity forever.
Saguru doubted a better chance to catch Kid than this would ever come again– now when everything was seemingly falling to pieces.
"I won't let you get away," Saguru muttered, rewinding the video yet another time. "I'll catch you and there's nothing you can do to stop me."
Even if it meant he would be keeping Aoko near him in his quest to catch Kid. Even if there was the slightest chance that Kaito might have intended for him to take the bait and keep Aoko by his side. As double edged as she was, Saguru had always known that once the strings that bound her to Kaito disappeared, Aoko would be more favourable as an ally and fellow detective than any other evidence that lay in their wake.
But surely, Kaito must have known that.
For what reason would Kaito allow Aoko to crank up her sleeves and lay down the tracks that led to his imprisonment right in front of his eyes?
It didn't make sense no matter how much Saguru thought about it. He had expected Kaito to sweat and try his best to dissuade her turning on him, and yet he simply exchanged some words with her for the entirety of the video as though he wasn't minding the outcome of their interaction anymore.
It was almost as though the young magician had realised the depth of the hole he dug and felt rather helpless at the approaching end of his thievish career, or perhaps that was what Kaito had intended for him to think.
Saguru couldn't help but wonder whether there was something else at play – something that Saguru might have overlooked that played a significant role in Kaito's sudden nonchalant demeanour.
After all, Kid had always been someone with several cards up his sleeves, and Kaito was certainly no different.
"No, that's not it."
Saguru redirected his focus on the recording – on the gaze Kaito trained on the floor and the hands he fisted in pockets.
"Then what did you come here to do?"
"I didn't think it's enough to apologise."
Saguru pressed pause, rewinding it.
"So, what have you come here for?"
"I wanted to see how you were doing."
"No wonder it seemed authentic," Saguru muttered once it dawned on him that the authenticity he detected was a genuine product of their interaction rather than a distraction to keep him from noticing any artificial traces in their performance. Although, Saguru was keener to dub their little act as a more of a conversation between childhood friends, who were trying to air out the room after an uncomfortable disagreement, rather than a pretence of deceit to fool him as he had initially expected.
Yet the sudden move from disagreement to an uncertain resolution unnerved him. Saguru wondered whether this might not have been their first discussion of events. But rather a continuation of previous attempts that Aoko and Kaito have failed to conclude, unable to reconcile the emerging truths of their present reality with the preconceived notions of their childhood. A time where Aoko very much believed that Kaito was Kaito, and not the same phantom pain that had hurt her the most growing up. And yet, Aoko was still struggling to loathe Kaito who stood before her, ridden with guilt and unable to douse her in apologies for his misdemeanour and lies, no matter how much he had wanted.
And Saguru wondered whether this was what they had intended for him to see.
A laugh escaped him, faint and quiet, full of disbelief. Saguru had known that it would be rather difficult, if not impossible, for Aoko to accept the entirety of Kaito's two-sided existence.
Although Saguru had entertained the thought on an occasion or two, he never thought Aoko and Kaito could be parting ways once he had seen how determinedly Aoko held onto her preconceived notions of Kaito during the entirety of the heist. Saguru had been certain she would continue to blind herself from the inconsistencies of his persona that had long since resembled more Kid than Kaito – at least, until she had seen conclusive evidence that completely condemned her childhood friend.
He had never expected her to suddenly turn heel and condemn Kaito on her own accord.
Saguru had been certain her desire to join forces with him stemmed from her resolve to unmask Kid herself – to prove to herself and everyone else that it wasn't Kaito. But now it seemed as though Aoko didn't entirely have need for that, since she was already distancing herself from Kaito as though she already knew whose face hid behind the phantom mask of her enemy.
And Saguru knew for Aoko's perspective to change so drastically, there must have been some sort of conclusive evidence that she had witnessed first-hand. But from what Saguru has heard from his contacts in the police force, no evidence had been gathered, which meant that Aoko must have kept it a secret. But that meant –
No way.
Saguru pressed his hand against his mouth, quenching a silent gasp. To think that he had been fooled by someone other than Kid. Someone other than Kaito. Someone who easily sneaked past his defences and concealed her agendas as she spewed half-truths in the wake of her walk towards a notion of justice that may or may not have been drenched in darkness.
And with a start Saguru realised he should have been more wary of Aoko than anyone else. She was the one who held the fundamental pieces to bring the entire Kid chase to a close.
Now it was starting to make sense why Kaito allowed Aoko to do as she pleased.
There was nothing else he could do.
Aoko held Kaito in the grasp of her hand.
That alone thought shocked and stumped Saguru. If Aoko had kept his secret, it wouldn't be a mistake to think about her as an accomplice. So, why had their interaction depicted her as the one dominating the situation?
Saguru was hesitant to write it off as another performance, considering how intricate Aoko and Kaito's pretend plays were – but even so, it was even stranger to think that there might be the slightest possibility that Aoko might be holding Kaito hostage. Perhaps to settle their scores and call it even. But –
"Would Aoko do something like that?"
For the first time in a long while, Saguru didn't have an answer.
The person he thought he knew evaporated into a smoke of illusion and left behind was a person he barely recognised.
Behind those friendly smiles and caring eyes countlessly filed away as Aoko might have been a person that wasn't her at all – but a pretend play of a performance that she put on.
And for a moment Saguru wondered who it was that he had been looking at all this time – who it was that he thought Aoko had been all this time. . .
Are you beginning to realize how repetitive fate is?