"Clarke..." Abby calls her gently as she comes to stand next to her daughter.
Clarke doesn't move, she just stands there looking down blankly. For how creepy it might sound, she has spent the entire night in the medical center by Lexa's side, never once letting go of her limp hand. Abby's not sure whether Clarke is holding onto Lexa to feel like she's still here somehow, or just in the desperate hope of being able to transfer some warmth back into her cold body. Looking in her daughter's eyes, though, she's not even sure Clarke has any reason at all. Her eyes are cast down, but not quite looking at Lexa's figure. Those blue orbs that had been so full of life just the day before, as she and Lexa were holding each other so lovingly, are now completely empty. They say the eyes are the mirror of the soul, and maybe it's true. Because Clarke cannot feel a thing right now, she's just empty.
Abby gently places a hand on her daughter's forearm in an attempt to get some kind of reaction from her. In a way it works, because Clarke murmurs something to her. Abby almost misses it, because Clarke speaks without raising her head, and her voice is very low.
"We should take her back to the capital. Her people deserve a chance to say goodbye properly."
"Okay." Abby lowers her hand slowly, until it's resting on Clarke and Lexa's joined ones. She waits a second there without moving. When she's positive Clarke won't object, she takes hold of her daughter's hand, and she pull it away from Lexa's. To be honest, Abby was hoping such a move would earn her some kind of protest from her daughter. Anything, really. But Clarke does nothing, and it breaks Abby's heart to see her kid so lost and broken. She caresses the top of Clarke's hand with her thumb for a moment before talking.
"The funeral ceremony is starting in a moment. Do you think you can come say one last goodbye to your people? Hers and yours. Both the grounders and our people would appreciate you being there." It's a good thing Abby's staring closely at Clarke, or she would've missed the almost imperceptible nod she gives her in response. With that Abby starts walking towards the door bringing her daughter out of the room along with her.
As soon as Clarke is out in the main yard, where a funeral pile has been set, Octavia and Raven rush towards her to bring her in for a hug. The broken girl doesn't move, though. She doesn't return the embrace, and she doesn't even seem to acknowledge the presence of her friends. Her gaze is simply staring blankly at somewhere in front of her. Octavia and Raven look at her worriedly for a moment, and then they turn to Abby in a silent question of how Clarke is holding on. The woman's eyes water as she shakes her head sadly, because her daughter isn't holding on at all. She's falling to pieces, and Abby doesn't know what to do to help.
As Commander of Death, it is Clarke honor to light the pyre on fire. It's one of Lexa's general to pass her the torch. Clarke takes it without acknowledging what she's doing. Her hand takes the torch from the man, and her legs begin to move towards the pyre, but it's all on their accord. Her muscles are moving automatically, as if they remember what to do from that time she had to burn Finn's body in TonDC. Suddenly, Clarke finds herself in front of an enormous pyre, above which are settled the bodies of hundreds of dead warriors. Everyone's eyes are on her. Many of the warriors are surprised to see the supposedly mighty Wanheda looking so vulnerable and broken, but most people are now aware of her feelings for the Lexa. Somehow, Clarke manages to hold her head up high, and to mutter in the most commander-like tone she can master: "Yu gonplei ste odon." She doesn't remember herself lowering the torch on the pyre, but a moment later all she can see in front of her eyes are its flames.
After the ceremony, Lexa's generals, Clarke, Abby, and Kane reunite in the council room to discuss how to bring the Commander's body back to Polis. They also need to decide who of the Sky People is going to go to the capital to attend the ceremony. It takes them a good half an hour to come to an agreement. Clarke doesn't say a single word, she just stands there in a corner of the room, staring blankly at the arguing people. No one tries to ask for her opinion, both because they know she wouldn't answer, and because they're not even sure she's hearing anything they're saying. In the end, the grounder warriors give in, and they agree that the safest way to transport the body is with the Skaikru's rover. Kane will drive, and Abby will be in the car with him, while Clarke will be riding her horse alongside the generals. Wanheda's presence was never in question, as per Kane he was chosen to take part in the funeral ceremony because he's the assigned leader of the 13th clan. With a bit of insistence, Abby was able to convince the generals to let her come as well, because she didn't want to leave Clarke alone as she's mourning Lexa's death.
Clarke is standing by her horse, putting the last of her things in the saddlebags, when a man approaches her from behind.
"You know, I might have a way for you to see your precious Commander again..."
Jaha. It's been forever since she last saw the man. Not that she's missed his presence, that is. Clarke knew he wasn't completely normal when he started talking about a City of Light he planned to find, but this… this is a whole new level of craziness. Something in her eyes must have given away what she's thinking, because the man, who is now standing in front of her, immediately adds: "You think I'm crazy… but I'm not. There's this place, the City of Light, where there's no death. Everyone who died on this Earth is there. I've seen it myself."
"You're high."
"I'm not. I've never been more sober." With that Jaha takes something from his pants pocket, and hands it to Clarke. It looks like some sort of chip. Clarke eyes it for a moment before looking back at Jaha, as if to ask what the hell she is supposed to do with that thing.
"I just want to help you, Clarke. Take it. It's the key to the City of Light. You just have to swallow it. Then, you close your eyes, and just focus on the person you want to see again. Before you know it, you'll find yourself in this virtual world that knows no death. Everyone you've lost here… will be there waiting for you."
"That easy, eh? Thanks, but I'm not taking that thing." She says harshly.
"Well… that's a pity." He states before putting the chip back into his pocket. "Her death doesn't have to be the end, Clarke."
Don't be afraid, Clarke. Death is not the end.
"Shut up!" She's not even sure whether she's saying it to Jaha, or to the voice inside her head repeating Lexa's words.
"You're just afraid, Clarke."
Don't be afraid, Clarke.
"I said shut up!" She cries out shaking her head in order to get rid of the small voice that's haunting her mind. The man realizes he must've touched a sore spot, but he doesn't let Clarke's words stop him from placing the chip in Clarke's hand.
"What are you doing?! I don't want your stupid key to this damn City of Light!"
"Yes, you do." With that, Jaha closes Clarke's hand around the chip, and he turns to go back inside the walls of Arkadia.
Clarke stares at him for a while before turning back to her horse, and raising her hand over her head to throw the chip into the woods. She's about to let it go, when she remembers another conversation she and Lexa had right before the battle.
What I can promise is that I'm going to do anything in my power to come back to you, ai hodness.
I'll do anything in my power to come back to you too.
Maybe she should keep the chip with her. If Jaha is right, it might be her only way to get back to Lexa as she promised.
Once in Polis, Lexa's body is cleaned by a few handmaids, and redressed in clean clothes. A small altar is built in the throne room, so that the Nightbloods and the clan leaders can say their own personal goodbyes to the late Commander before the public ceremony begins.
The second Clarke enters the room, the youngest Natblida rush towards her to embrace her tightly in a group hug. Abby and Kane, who are standing by the doors, are shocked by how much affection these children are showing for Clarke. But what surprises them the most is that, in this moment, Clarke's eyes don't look as blank and lost as before. They are suddenly filled emotion, with love, and Abby wants to cry because she was really beginning to think she'd never see life in those beautiful blue eyes again. It's clear to her and Marcus that a lot of things have changed when Clarke was here in Polis, before the battle. Clearly in that week, she and the Nightbloods had formed a strong bond.
When the first group of children lets her go, another group of older-looking kids moves to hug her. They take their time, each one patiently waiting for their turn to embrace the Sky girl. The last one to move is a boy whom Clarke addresses as Aden. Something in the way the two of them hold each other lets Abby and Kane image he must be one Clarke is closest to. They can barely see his face from they're standing by the doors, but it's enough for them to notice he's trying hard to hold back his tears. Once more, Kane and Abby are surprised by the change of attitude displayed by Clarke. She does not look broken anymore, but rather it looks like she's trying to act as strong as possible for these kids standing in front of her. It's such a mother-like action to put her pain aside momentarily, in order to infuse strength into these children and teens she obviously loves so much.
Once all the Nightbloods, including Aden, are done greeting Clarke, Titus makes his presence noticed. He's kept to the side all the time, but now he moves from his spot to go speak to Clarke.
"I believe the Natblida have something for you, Wanheda."
At those words, Clarke turns to look at the kids questioningly. No one seems to want to say a thing, until it's Aden to clear his throat asking for attention. When Clarke looks at him, Aden holds out a knife, offering it to her. At first, she doesn't understand what's going on, but then it clicks.
"Lexa's knife." She whispers in surprise. "Doesn't it belong to the one of you who'll be the next Commander?"
"It does." Aden smiles softly at her before adding: "We've talked about it, and… we've all agreed it should be yours." Clarke knows that by "all" they do not mean Titus as well, and the look of disapproval on the man's face is proving her right.
While Clarke is looking at Titus, Aden comes to stand right in front of her. Still holding out the knife, he continues. "So whenever you use it it'll be like Lexa is protecting you." Murmurs of agreement come from the other Natblida when he takes Clarke's hand to pass her the knife.
Clarke is at a loss of words. All she can do is stand there looking at the knife Aden has just placed in her hand. When her gaze comes up again to look at the kids, her eyes are wet with tears, but she doesn't let them fall. Her voice shakes with emotion when she finally manages to say something. "Mochof." Thank you.
The emotional moment, though, is soon interrupted by a guard, who enters the room to announce it's time for the ceremony. With him are other three guards, carrying a wooden stretcher. As gently as it can be expected by four warriors, they move Lexa's body onto the stretcher, and then they lift it up to place it on their shoulders. They exit the room first, with everyone else in tow, and they walk to the main square where a pyre is ready. The crowd of grounders is standing in a circle around it, but leaving enough space for all of the clan leaders to stand on the step that was built all around the pyre. Roan is there too, having been nominated King of Azgeda in the wake of his mother's death. Each clan leader is holding a torch. Since Lexa was the Commander of the 13th clans, they should all have the honor to light the funeral pyre on fire. Clarke and Titus receive their torches as well. Since they are the Commander of Death and the Flamekeeper, they are to be considered at the same level as the clan leaders.
When Lexa's body is adjusted above the pyre, and everyone is in place, Titus raises his hand asking for attention. He waits for the people around them to fall silent, and then he speaks.
"People of Polis, members of the Coalition, it is with a sad heart that we stand here today to say goodbye to our beloved Commander. I'm sure you all can agree when I say Lexa was special. She was a visionary, and no Commander before had ever been as wise as her. She believed in a world where we could live in peace, united as one. It is now our duty to keep this union alive, in honor of her hard work." He pauses for a moment as the crowd is cheering. When everyone grows quiet again, he concludes. "Yu gonplei ste odon, Leksa kom Trikru. Gonplei kom Heda kigon feva."
Your fight is over, Lexa of the Tree People. The Commander's fight goes on.
"Yu gonplei ste odon, Heda." The crowd exclaims in chorus.
"Maybe Wanheda wishes to say something as well…" Titus offers looking at the woman standing next to him. Clarke nods gratefully before turning to glance at Kane, standing in the circle with the other clan leaders. He looks back at her questioningly, but when she starts talking, he understands.
"I'd like to say something on behalf of people. It's our way of bidding farewell to the ones we have passed away." She waits for Kane to catch up, so they can say the next words together. Joined by Abby, who's standing in the crowd behind them.
"In peace, may you leave the shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again."
And with that, they all lower their torches to light the pyre on fire, and they step away.
It's sunset when the last of the flames has died down. A pile of ashes is all that's left of Lexa's body and of the wood that formed the pyre. Everyone is gone back to their homes, except for Aden and Clarke. They are the only ones left in the square. They stand there, silently staring at the fuming ashes, for what feels like an eternity. When at last, Aden makes a move to turn and leave, the sound of Clarke's voice stops him in his tracks.
"Why is there a good in goodbye…?" She asks looking up at the boy for a second. She knows Aden doesn't understand what she's trying to say, so she continues. "I mean, there's absolutely nothing good about it. It's like… whenever we say goodbye, it just feels like something bad that's going to get even worse. Like a storm that's never ending, or like that last moment of composure before the inevitable break. It's not gracious, and it's definitely not meant to give you hope that something good might come out of that moment. A goodbye is just the proof that you're already drowning. And the worst part is that you haven't even hit the bottom of that ocean floor yet."
When she's done, Clarke moves her gaze back on Aden, to see if he understands what means now. He does. The boy gives her a small nod of agreement. Then he turns his head to look down at Lexa's ashes.
"You're right. There shouldn't be a good in goodbye." And with that, he finally turns to walk towards the tower, leaving Clarke alone.
Author's note: I know, I know. That last speech from Clarke makes little to no sense, but it was inspired by a song. I'll leave you the lyrics down below. Hopefully it'll make more sense after you read/listen to the song.
Jason Walker – Shouldn't Be a Good in Goodbye
After the silence,
After the last words.
Caught in the silence.
Caught in between.
After the madness.
After the slow shock.
Before the wave hits,
The flood comes rushing in.
This is the bad before the worse.
This is the storm before the storm.
I haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor.
This is the bend before the break.
This is the mercy not the grace.
This is the proof, and not the faith I try to find.
There shouldn't be a good in goodbye.
If I never loved you,
If I never felt your kiss.
If I never had you.
I know that I...
I still would have mourned you.
I would have missed your smile.
If it wasn't so worth it,
This wouldn't be...
Oh, this wouldn't be
The bad before the worse.
And the storm before the storm.
I haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor.
This is the bend before the break.
This is the mercy not the grace.
This is the proof and not the faith I try to find.
There shouldn't be a good in goodbye.
I know this is gonna get better, oh.
I know this is gonna get better, oh.
I know...
This is the bitter not the sweet.
This is the take, and not the keep.
And I haven't even reached the bottom of this ocean floor.
This is the bend before the break.
This is the mercy not the grace.
This is the proof and not the faith I try to find.
There shouldn't be a good in goodbye.
Yeah.
There shouldn't be good in goodbye.
There shouldn't be a good in goodbye.