ABNEGATION HELLIONS

CHAPTER FIVE

Beatrice POV

I pour the canned peas into a serving bowl and carry it to the table as Uriah cooks the plain, bland chicken breasts. He adds not even a sprinkle of salt on them; seasonings are, somehow, considered self-indulgent here in Abnegation. I turn to the front door as I hear it swing shut, and my father gives me a small smile as he carries his briefcase into the living room and leaves it next to his worn, gray armchair near the fireplace.

"Beatrice, please finish setting the table," my mother says gently. I didn't realize I had paused until she reminded me of what I should be doing.

I set out the silverware, a fork to the left of each plate and a knife and spoon to the right, and Uriah gives me a small smile as he moves a piece of chicken from the pan onto each plate. Before I turn away I see him glance at my stomach then back in my eyes reminding me I cannot put my task off any longer. If you knew to look for it, you could now see the bulge of my stomach even through my loose, shapeless Abnegation clothing.

When we are all seated in our usual places at the table, me across from Mom and next to Dad, and Uriah between Mom and me, we all hold hands and say grace. It still feels strange having to reach my arms this far when we bless the meal. My eyes wander to the two empty chairs that now sit against the wall, the chairs Ezekiel and Caleb used to occupy.

As we begin to eat, Mom reaches out and takes Dad's hand in hers. I stare at their joined hands; other than blessing each meal, I rarely see my parents touch. How can the sight feel so strangely intimate, like such a private moment, when I have touched Tobias in far more intimate ways?

"So," Mom says, looking at Dad tenderly. "Tell me." Uriah and I exchange a glance; something isn't right.

"I had a difficult day," he says, and for the first time, I notice how worn he looks. It is a good thing I cannot stay in Abnegation, because clearly I was never cut out for it; I didn't even notice how tired and run-down he looked, but my mother did not miss it. "Marcus and I both." I flinch at the sound of Tobias's father's name; Uriah gives me a warning look, but Mom and Dad don't seem to have noticed.

"What happened?" Mom asks.

Dad sighs. "The Erudite released a report," he explains, "speculating on the reason that so many of Abnegation's children transferred this year." It has been nearly two months since the choosing day. It is rare for an Abnegation to transfer; I suppose this is because we have been raised not to think of ourselves, so even when deciding the rest of our lives, most Abnegation children think of their families first, of what would be the most selfless choice, rather than what they want in their own lives. Not so with Ezekiel, Tobias and Caleb. And neither will it be for me or Uriah.

What consequences will my parents face when Uriah and I transfer next summer?

"What did it say?" I blurt out, and Mom gives me a warning look, but her eyes are still soft and kind.

"Why don't you take this opportunity to listen to your father, Beatrice?" It is phrased as a suggestion, but I know better. Children are not to speak at the dinner table unless we are directly spoken to. Our listening ears are a gift to our parents; they will give us their listening ears after dinner, when we gather in front of the fire. I can just imagine the look Caleb would have given me if he were here. In contrast, Uriah just watches the scene in rapt attention, listening anxiously for Dad's answer. Uriah, Ezekiel and I never been as good as Caleb at reigning in our curiosity. Caleb was always good at following the rules, pretending to fit in. He even fooled me for a long time, until Ezekiel told me how much time Caleb spent reading books in their shared bedroom. He has a thirst for knowledge and he soaks it up like a sponge.

"It said," my father answers, "that Marcus' and my violence and cruelty toward our sons is the reason they chose Dauntless and Erudite instead of Abnegation." I gasp, and Uriah and I share a look. We both know that the report was absolutely right when it comes to Marcus, but Mom and Dad have never laid a hand on any of us.

"We both know that is a lie; you are a wonderful, kind and gentle father," Mom says and I nod in agreement. "And Marcus? Cruel?" My mother shakes her head. "That poor man. As if he needs to be reminded of his loss."

"Of his son's betrayal, you mean?" My father frowns. "We all knew Ezekiel would leave us. Caleb was a surprise, and I can't say I'm not disappointed. But Tobias never gave his father any indication. He already lost his wife. I am shocked at Tobias's selfishness."

Without thinking, I open my mouth to speak and Uriah kicks me under the table. I yelp. "Beatrice?" Mom says. "Are you alright?"

"I ― I'm fine," I stutter. "I apologize. Don't let me interrupt you."

"Beatrice, why don't you help me clear the table while Mom and Dad finish their discussion," Uriah says pointedly. I nod and smile in appreciation. I don't know how much longer I could have listened to my parents' comments about Marcus and Tobias and kept my protests to myself.

As we wash the dishes, I lean closer to Uriah. "What's going to happen when we leave, Uri?" I hiss. "Or even just when I start showing… when I have the twins? They're attacking Dad already."

"I don't know, Beatrice," he sighs, "but there's not much you can do about it now. You are already starting to show. You're still telling them tonight, right?"

My stomach twists. I have been dreading this for months. "I don't know, maybe tonight isn't a good time. Dad has already had such a bad day."

"Exactly," Uriah argues, "it's already a bad day. Why ruin a good one?"

His words are a slap in the face. It is bad enough that I have essentially ruined my own life ― I mean, I know babies are always a blessing, and my twins will be too. But honestly, my dread over the judgement I know I will endure, of how different my life will be than I had ever planned… well, right now, these twins don't feel much like a blessing. But I am not only turning my own life upside down, but my parents' too. When I leave for Dauntless, I will escape to a much more accepting faction. My parents will still be here, forever facing the ridicule of their factionmates. They have no escape from it.

"Fine," I sigh. "Might as well get it over with. You only made me more nervous, though."

"Sorry," Uriah mutters while taking the serving bowl I hand him and drying it with a thin white dish towel.

When the kitchen is again clean, we all gather in the living room and Dad and Uriah build a fire. It is only September, but the nights are already starting to get colder.

"Well," Mom says, "children, tell us about your day." She smiles warmly and I consider running upstairs to the bathroom to throw up.

Uriah gives me a hard stare. "Beatrice has something she needs to talk to you about," he says, trapping me into spilling my secret to them tonight. I send him another glare. I don't think I have ever glared at Uriah as much as I have today.

"What is it, Beatrice?" Dad says, looking serious.

I am silent for a minute and they stare at me. The tension builds and builds until it runs out of room inside of me and I have no choice but to either run away, or blurt it out. I take the latter option. This needs to happen. I can't hide it much longer. I am going to be Dauntless, so I need to be brave. "I'm so sorry," I choke out. I take in a shaky breath. "Mom, Dad… I'm pregnant."

Mom gasps, both hands flying to cover her mouth. Dad's face falls and he stands, expressionless. Then he begins to turn red and his eyes show disbelief, then sorrow, then turns to anger.

"How far along are you, Beatrice?" Mom asks in a measured, controlled voice.

"Who did this to you?" Dad asks coldly. I have never seen him like this before.

Uriah and I communicate with our eyes, my glare clearly warning him not to say another word. I will tell them what I want them to know and nothing more, and he had damn well better keep his mouth shut and not add anything that I don't want to admit.

I take a deep breath through my nose and let it out of my mouth to calm myself. "I'm four months along," I say, "with… with twins." Mom can't control her emotions any longer and lets a sob escape. "And, for a number of reasons, I won't be answering Dad's question. Not now, at least."

"Beatrice Edith Prior," my father says, jumping to his feet, "I demand to know who did this to you! How could you be so stupid? How could you ruin your life ― ruin all our lives this way?"

The tears tickle my cheeks as they stream down my face. "Yes, it was stupid, you're right. I guess I won't be following Caleb to Erudite, huh?" I spit. "I obviously didn't mean for this to happen, Dad! I wasn't trying to ruin your life. But these babies are coming whether any of us like it or not!" I take a deep breath. "I will tell you who the father is when I am good and ready. All I can say for now is that I must protect myself and my children, and the only way to do that is to keep this information to myself for the time being. Please understand that I cannot say any more."

"Understand?! Do you realize what an unreasonable request that is, Beatrice?" Dad paces back and forth in front of the fireplace. "I thought we raised you to be a good, moral Abnegation girl, not a slut."

Mom gasps and jumps up from her chair, and I stumble back as if he had pushed me. "I am not a slut!" I cry. "I have only been with one boy! I… I didn't mean for it to happen, I didn't do this to hurt you, it just ― it just happened! Can't you understand that?!"

"Tell me who he is, Beatrice!" Dad roars, and I shake my head furiously.

"I won't!" I scream. "I won't, and you can't make me!" I run to the stairs, stumbling as my eyes blur with tears. I run into my room and slam the door behind me.

I don't know how long I have been crying on my bed when I hear the door open. I hold my breath and listen as footsteps shuffle in. The bed dips as someone sits on it. "Tris," says a voice, deep, but young. Uriah. Thank goodness it is only Uriah.

I turn over and look at him. There is an angry red mark on his cheek. I gasp, sitting up so quickly that it makes me dizzy. "Uri, what happened?"

He sighs. "Dad was so mad... " he swallows hard. "I wouldn't tell him anything. I guess everything today must have been too much for him. I ― I told him off, Tris."

My eyes widen. None of us have ever been disrespectful enough to talk back to our parents. Not until today. I don't remember Ezekiel or Caleb ever speaking to them the way I spoke to Dad just now.

"The things he was saying about you…" my brother continues. "I know he's mad, but I couldn't listen to it any more. Anyway, after he hit me, he looked shocked and horrified and he just turned and walked out the door."

"I think our relationship with Dad is officially ruined," I murmur.

Uriah snorts. "Yeah, I'll say. I'm sorry, Beatrice. You were probably right; this was too much for him to deal with in one day."

"Don't make excuses for him, Uriah," I say forcefully. "There is no excuse for what he just did to you. What did Mom say?"

"She iced my cheek for a few minutes then suggested I check on you. I think she was going to look for Dad."

"I wish Tobias were here…"

"No you don't, Beatrice," my brother snaps. "You know what that would mean."

"I know, I know," I say, "but you know what I mean. I guess I just wish we had been in the same year in school so we wouldn't have to be apart." I have endured two months without Tobias since he left, and I just miss him so much. I try my best to hide it from Uriah, but in that time, I have yet to fall asleep without tears on my face. The pregnancy hormones don't help, I'm sure. I even make Uriah walk with me several blocks out of our way when we come home from school each day, just so I do not have to pass by Tobias' house.

I sigh. "How are we going to make it through this, Uriah?"

He gives me a small smile. "Together, Tris."