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ABNEGATION HELLIONS

CHAPTER EIGHT

Beatrice POV

I wake from the simulation to sweaty palms and a pang of guilt in my chest. I am lying in the chair in the mirrored room. When I tilt my head back, I see Tori, the Dauntless woman who administered my aptitude test, behind me. She pinches her lips together and removes electrodes from our heads. I wait for her to say something about the test — that it's over, or that I did well, although how could I do poorly on a test like this? — but she says nothing, just pulls the wires from my forehead.

I sit forward and wipe my palms off on my slacks. I had to have done something wrong, even if it only happened in my mind. Is that strange look on Tori's face because she doesn't know how to tell me what a terrible person I am? I wish she would just come out with it.

"That," she says, "was perplexing. Excuse me, I'll be right back."

Perplexing?

I curl up on the chair and bury my face in my knees. How can you fail a test you aren't allowed to prepare for? I didn't even think it mattered what I received on this test, because I know where I am going tomorrow: I am going to Dauntless, where I can be with Tobias ― where we can be a family.

As the moments pass, I get more nervous. What if they tell me that I'm not cut out for any faction? I would have to live on the streets, with the factionless. I can't do that. To live factionless is not just to live in poverty and discomfort; it is to live divorced from society, separated from the most important thing in life: community. Well, the second most important thing in my life, the first being with Tobias and my family. My brothers and I have already ripped our family apart, but I would still have Ezekiel and Uriah in Dauntless.

My mother told me once that we can't survive alone, but even if we could, we wouldn't want to. Without a faction, we have no purpose and no reason to live. But what I need more than a faction is Tobias… and if I can't fit into Dauntless, I lose him, too.

If I had to be factionless, would he leave Dauntless to be with me? Could I even ask him to do that?

I wonder if there are families in the factionless. Everything I have grown up learning about our society, and those outcast from it, would suggest not… but for the first time, I question that belief. Why wouldn't there be? They are people, like the rest of us. Why wouldn't they fall in love, start families, create community? Maybe it's just wishful thinking, delusions borne out of fear.

I shake my head. I can't think like this. I have to stay calm.

Finally the door opens, and Tori walks back in. I hold my breath.

"Sorry to worry you," Tori says. Something is still wrong; she looks tense and pale.

"Your results were inconclusive," she says. "How the test is meant to work is that each stage of the simulation eliminates one or more factions, but your test only ruled out two: Candor and Amity."

I don't understand. How is this possible? "Only two?" I ask. My mouth is dry and it makes it hard to speak.

Tori goes on to explain how she ruled out Amity and Candor, and which choices I made that aligned me with the other factions. The longer she speaks, the more confused I become, and finally I can't stand it any more.

"Wait," I interrupt her. "So you have no idea what my aptitude is?"

"Yes and no. My conclusion," she explains, "is that you display equal aptitude for Abnegation, Dauntless, and Erudite. People who get this kind of result are..." She looks over her shoulder like she expects someone to appear behind her. "...are called ...Divergent." She says the last word so quietly that I almost don't hear it, and her tense, worried look returns. She walks around the side of the chair and leans in close to me.

"Beatrice," she says, "under no circumstances should you share that information with anyone. This is very important."

"We aren't supposed to share our results." I nod. "I know that."

"No." Tori kneels next to the chair now and places her arms on the armrest. Our faces are inches apart. "This is different. I don't mean you shouldn't share them now; I mean you should never share them with anyone, ever, no matter what happens. Divergence is extremely dangerous. You understand?"

I don't understand — how could inconclusive test results be dangerous? — but I still nod. I don't want to share my test results with anyone anyway. Except Uriah. No matter what she says, I can trust my twin brother.

"Okay." I peel my hands from the arms of the chair and stand. I feel unsteady.

"I suggest," Tori says, "that you go home. You have a lot of thinking to do, and waiting with the others may not benefit you. I manually entered your results as Abnegation."

"You already did? I'm going to Dauntless."

Tori raises an eyebrow. "Dauntless is a dangerous choice for someone like you, Beatrice. You should take some time to think."

I shake my head. "No, I don't need to think about it. I have always planned to go to Dauntless, and I have someone waiting for me there. I would have gone with or without the aptitude. I won't change my mind about this."

Tori purses her lips and raises her hands as if in surrender. "Alright, Beatrice. I'll see you in Dauntless."

I go back to the cafeteria as if nothing strange has happened and take a seat next to Uriah, who is chewing on his bottom lip. Tori calls his name next, and I am left on my own to wait. I sit by Susan and Robert. Like good Abnegation, they sit patiently and silently, drawing no attention to themselves.

Uriah and I have never really fit in Abnegation, but we always have one another, so I had nearly forgotten how boring it can be. I am not used to being with good Abnegation dependants like the Blacks; this is the first time I have been back to school since the day that Candor boy punched me in the gut. Uriah had to take me to the doctor afterward, but luckily no major damage was done to my newly healed incision. Still, it was enough to convince me that homeschooling was the best choice for the few remaining months before my Choosing Ceremony.

As determined as I was minutes ago, now I have begun to feel guilty. Is transferring the best choice for the twins? If I am divergent, will they be, too? Tori said that Dauntless was dangerous for people like me. Am I making a reckless decision? Is it what is best for my children?

On the other hand, would they ever be safe if I stayed in Abnegation, within Marcus's reach?

Is there a right choice at all?

I haven't come up with any answers yet when Uriah sits down next to me, looking pale. "Tori suggested that I go home," I tell him. "The uh… the serum made me sick. Besides, I don't want to wait around for a repeat of what happened the last time I came to school. You coming with me?"

Uriah nods quickly. "Yeah… I don't feel so well either. Let's go home and get the twins. There are no more classes today. Not that you've been to any of them in a while, anyway," he teases. I mock glare in response.

Mom took the twins to work with her today so I could go to the aptitude test along with Uriah. It is required that all sixteen-year-olds be there, so of course I had to go, but it was nice to leave them with Mom rather than someone I don't know well and trust. I guess I had better get over that, though, as I'm sure I won't be able to be with them all the time once we get to Dauntless… tomorrow.

We enter Abnegation Headquarters, where Mom works as the head volunteer coordinator. We aren't even all the way in the door and I can already hear Adeline crying. I groan. She is just a baby and something must bother her, but I hope she hasn't been like this the whole time. It must have been very difficult for Mom to get any work done today.

Uriah, a few steps ahead of me, opens the door to Mom's office and stops so quickly that I walk into him. "Uriah, what the—" the look on his face as he glances back at me stops me mid-sentence. It's a look of shock, fear and anger. I push past him into the room and freeze, my jaw dropped for just a moment before rushing to my child… who is in her grandfather's arms. It may as well be the Devil himself holding my baby girl.

Adeline is bright red from screaming. Her face is all scrunched up and her arms flail. I snatch her from his hands. "It's okay, baby, you're okay. Mommy's here," I coo, holding Adeline against my shoulder and pacing around Mom's small office. Mom still looks distressed; she had been trying to get Marcus to give her back, but had not had the nerve to just grab Adeline away like I did. Uriah hurries across the room to pull Landon out of the playpen he is laying in before Marcus can get his hands on my son, as well.

"Did he hurt you?" I worry to my daughter.

Mom gasps. "Oh, no, of course he didn't hurt her, Beatrice! I don't know how you could suggest such a thing of Marcus! I think she was just afraid because she doesn't know him, dear."

"Well, then, he should have given her back to you as soon as she was so upset!" I seethe, glaring at Mom. She has read the articles, she knows what he is accused of. She doesn't know it's true, of course, but I do.

I look at Marcus with my eyes full of anger, but it soon gives way to fear. I can see it on the sinister look on his face. He knows.

"That's alright, I'll have plenty of other opportunities to see them, won't I?" he says with a false smile. "You wouldn't dream of taking them away from such a wonderful place as Abnegation, would you, Beatrice?" His words and tone do not give away any ill will, but his eyes… his eyes. It's like looking into black pits instead of the gorgeous blue this man passed down to his son, and his grandchildren. In that moment, I think he might actually be the devil.

After the first time we encountered Marcus while walking home with the twins, Uriah and I resolved to research the city's laws regarding choosing a faction at the age of sixteen. Obtaining the law books from Abnegation Headquarters, where Marcus and both my parents work, felt sneaky and dangerous, like we were covert operatives on a secret mission. I was almost disappointed at how easy it was in the end. We learned that the only thing that could prevent me from transferring with my children was imprisonment for a serious crime. Tomorrow, my babies and I will be free of this place, assuming that I can make it through the next day without any serious incident.

"Of course not, Marcus," I lie. "I think my brother and I should get these little ones home so that our mother can get back to work. Thank you again, Mom, for taking care of them today."

"It was my pleasure, Beatrice," she says formally. "I'll be home in time for dinner." I nod and quickly exit the office, Uriah trailing after me.

"I'll come back for the play yard later, Mom," I hear Uriah assure her; she responds telling him that there is no need, that we should be thinking of our choice and she can carry it with no trouble at the end of the day.

-oOo-

Dad works late tonight. He is rarely home for dinner any more; on the rare occasion that I see him, the atmosphere is tense. I suspect that will change as soon as the twins and I are out of his hair (and his life). He was a great dad when I was growing up, I know he doesn't simply hate children… just me, I suppose.

Landon bangs his palm on the empty high chair tray and babbles at us as we all take our seats around the table. I fed him earlier, but I put him in the high chair for meals because he just likes to be with us. Adeline is, for once, asleep.

As soon as we have finished blessing the meal, Mom drops Uriah's and my hands and clasps hers together. "Well," she says. "Since it is just the three of us tonight— well, the four of us—" She waves and smiles at Landon, who answers with a toothless grin. "—I wanted to talk with you both about the aptitude tests."

Uriah and I glance nervously at each other, both tensing. We discussed our tests as soon as we got home, despite Tori's warnings. I knew how hurt Uriah had been over the secrets I kept from him a year ago, and I know with absolute certainty that I can trust my brother. Our divergence is now another way we are alike, a secret we share.

"But we're not supposed to tell anyone about our tests," Uriah protests nervously.

Mom raises an eyebrow. "My friend Erin told me that two students — with the same administrator, one after another, no less — got sick. You two arrived a bit early to pick up the twins." She smiles teasingly. "Besides, I'm your mother. You can't fool me. You have already discussed it with one another."

"Why does it matter what the test said?" I argue. "You know we decided where we would go years ago. The test doesn't change anything."

Mom sighs. "I know, Beatrice, and I don't expect it to. What I wanted to talk to you about was the reason you left early, the reason your results were manually entered. You are both divergent, aren't you?"

Uriah and I look at each other, communicating with our eyes, then begin nodding simultaneously.

"How do you know about divergents?" I ask slowly. "And what are they? What are we?"

"I know about them because I am one," Mom says evenly. "So was Uriah's mother. Divergence seems to be genetic. For most people, it is easy to learn one pattern of thought and stick to it, but divergents… our minds move in a dozen different directions. We cannot be confined to one dominant trait, one belief, to one way of thinking. We cannot be just one thing, and we cannot be controlled. That scares our leaders, and if they find you, they will kill you.

"Dauntless is a dangerous choice. I love you both, no matter what. You know that. And I want to make sure you and my grandchildren are as safe as possible, so listen carefully."

-oOo-

I am shocked when my father accompanies us to the choosing ceremony. He and Mom walk Uriah and me to our place in the line of sixteen year olds, arranged in alphabetical order, around the perimeter of the large room in the Hub. Mom carries Landon while I carry Adeline. She gives my son one last kiss before handing him to Uriah, then reaches out for Adeline. She holds her granddaughter to her chest and rests her lips in Adeline's hair. Mom's eyes are closed but I can see the tears collecting in the corners of her eyes.

When I glance at my father, he is studying Landon's face for probably the first time ever. He reaches out and strokes the baby's face once with his thumb, so tenderly, much like he used to do to me when I was young. He then pulls Uriah in for a careful hug, as the baby is between them. Mom hands Adeline back to me after giving her one more kiss on the forehead and whispering an "I love you," and then she hugs me. "Remember that I love you, no matter what," she whispers in my ear, "and be careful and safe."

Then Mom and Dad switch places. Dad now studies Adeline's petite little face; she is quite a bit smaller than her brother, and pixie-like. "Her hair is exactly like yours was," he says. I am surprised to see that he looks a little misty. He hesitantly kisses the crown of Adeline's head, then kisses my cheek. "No matter how angry I am, Beatrice, I still love you. I hope you know that." Then he turns and walks away, and Mom trails behind him with a sad smile.

I watch as Marcus catches Dad's attention. He separates from Mom, approaching Marcus while Mom finds a seat in the Abnegation section of the audience. The two men speak for a moment, looking at me and Uriah the whole time, then Dad strides across the large room to us. Wow, Dad is speaking to me twice in one day. This is certainly unexpected… though, I know it is only because of whatever Marcus said to him.

"Beatrice," Dad says, narrowing his eyes at me, then glancing at the twins. "It's time for you to tell me who their father is. Marcus needs their surname for city records."

I purse my lips and glance at Marcus. He is busy preparing for the ceremony, but his eyes frequently dart my way and bore into me.

"Can you wait to tell him after the ceremony? I don't want it announced during the Choosing." Dad sighs in annoyance but nods. "Alright. Their surname is Eaton."

Dad's expression hardens. "I should have listened to Marcus all those years," he grouses. "He was right, that boy was bad news. Troubled. You need to stay in Abnegation, Beatrice. Tobias is no good."

Now it is my turn to glare. "You don't know what you are talking about, Dad. This is my life, these are my children, and this is my choice. I am not a child any more. This isn't up to you. I love you, but I have to choose for me, and for my babies."

Dad's face turns red in anger and he opens his mouth to speak, then closes it, sealing his lips in a thin, straight line, and just glares at me. He shakes his head and walks away without another word.

Uriah's free hand squeezes my bicep. "Good job, sis."

I nod and look at the floor. I hadn't thought it possible to further damage my relationship with my father. Now, I think it is far beyond repair.

-oOo-

The names are read in reverse alphabetical order, so Uriah was called just ahead of me. After the whoops and cheers of the Dauntless (and the murmurs of dissent from the Abnegation section of the audience) quiet down, Marcus calls me. "Beatrice Prior," his voice booms. Abnegation is hosting this year, so Marcus Eaton is the master of ceremony. I carry one twin in each arm. Marcus holds out the knife, but how am I supposed to handle this knife with a baby in each hand? Handing either of them to Marcus is not an option that I will be considering.

Uriah sees the dilemma and rushes back onto the stage, causing a bit of rabble from all the factions. He takes Adeline from me — probably because she's the one most likely to get upset about something, flail around, and cut herself on the knife. They stand directly to my right, so close Uriah and I are nearly touching. I cringe as I prepare for what I am about to do.

"Did you disclose their surname to your father?" Marcus asks. I glare, but nod.

"He will share that with you after the ceremony," I say quietly. I almost wish I could be here to see Marcus's face when his suspicions are confirmed. I return my focus to my task, and press the knife hard into my hand ― a little too hard probably, thanks to Marcus's presence causing me to become agitated. Then — and I swear it physically hurts to do this to my child — I slice Landon's palm and hand the knife to Uriah, who slices Adeline's. She will probably scream for the entire rest of the ceremony now.

Both babies scream as Uriah and I take each of their balled fists and hold them, along with my own, over the burning Dauntless coals. Rage swirls in Marcus's eyes, and I just glare at him, but inside, panic bubbles up. Even without confirmation, Marcus knows that these children are his blood. Looking at Landon, how could he not?

The vengeful look in Marcus's eyes as my blood spilled over the burning Dauntless coals haunts me. But we will be safe in Dauntless. We have to be safe in Dauntless. Besides, I know how to defend myself, and Dauntless will teach me to be even better.

After a Dauntless-born girl with a shaved head chooses her home faction, Uriah and I are approached by a Dauntless girl with shoulder length brown hair and a pierced lip. "Hey, I'm Shauna," she whispers. I sigh in relief and smile. She reaches out and I awkwardly shake her hand. While not something performed in Abnegation, handshakes are the typical Dauntless greeting. Uriah and I have practiced a few times, but I can't say that I have become very comfortable with the gesture yet.

Tobias has only met us at the training room two more times since he found us there nearly four months ago; visiting is an ordeal, as apparently Dauntless has a lot of cameras and each time he sneaks out to meet me, he risks accusations of disloyalty to his chosen faction. The last visit was just a week ago, and he didn't have much time; mostly, we just discussed the logistics of initiation. It seems that Tobias will be our initiation instructor. We have to pretend not to know one another, but he did set things up for me with the twins. Though he refused to offer any details, his biggest concern was getting them safely into the Dauntless compound. That is why Shauna is here now. I hate to hand over my babies to someone I don't know, but Tobias trusts her. He even says she is Ezekiel's girlfriend. Zeke, I remind myself, he's called Zeke now. The name is a slightly more mature-sounding version of Zee, the nickname Uriah and I have occasionally used for him since we were toddlers.

Tobias also warned me that people in Dauntless don't know his true identity, so Uriah and I are to call him by his nickname, Four. Only when we are alone may I call him Tobias. Uriah and I have been talking about Ezekiel and Tobias, using their nicknames all week to practice, silly as it sounds.

Zeke has not been over to see us like Four has, and I have to admit that I am hurt. But I can only assume that he is angry with me—not only for managing to get pregnant a year before my choosing ceremony, but in particular for all the secrets I have kept. I can't blame him, but I do hope that he is ready to put all that aside when we arrive to Dauntless today. I miss my brother desperately.

I hand over the diaper bag to Shauna first, then Landon, and Uriah hands off Adeline. I give each of my babies a kiss on the forehead and look at Shauna sternly. "Look, I know you're my brother's girlfriend, and that you're doing us a favor and all… but I need you to know that if anything happens to my children, you will regret it."

"Don't worry, Mama Bear," she says with a kind smile, "I'll keep them safe. Besides, Zeke would kill me if I didn't."

I smile in relief, knowing that even if he's mad, Zeke still cares — not only for me, but for his niece and nephew whom he has not even met yet. Tobias said Zeke had wanted to come with him to meet us last week, but that they ultimately decided he would stay in the control room to be sure no one saw Tobias on the cameras as he made his way to the factionless sector.

"Okay," I say, still nervous. "Well, there's a stroller just outside the doors of the Hub. You're taking the bus, right?"

"Yep, no way I can jump a train with two infants. Seriously, don't worry, Beatrice. I'll take them right to their Uncle Zeke and we'll meet you at the initiates entrance in Dauntless soon. Okay?"

"Okay," I say, my voice quiet and tight.

My eyes burn with tears as this perfect stranger walks away with both of my children, and Uriah grabs my hand to comfort me. I'll see them again in just a couple of hours, I remind myself. Tobias wouldn't put them in danger.