"I honestly never thought I'd come here." -I said, as we stepped out of the portal, in front of a large iron gate.

Superman smirked, pressing his palm against a nondescript brick in the wall beside the gate, which then opened on its own. "It's really not that big a deal."

"It's not that. I just...happen to dislike Wayne a little."

He rose an eyebrow. "Why's that?"

I sighed. "Long story, but...I had to access Robin's memories once. Batman, he's...he could be cold. Calculating. Dismissive, sometimes, especially as Robin got older. I used to admire him, but seeing him from that angle...it left a bad taste."

The Kryptonian winced. "I remember when Robin left for Jump. Batman and I weren't too close, back then, but we were at least friends - and I could see how hard it hit him. He definitely made some mistakes then, and I won't excuse him, but there are always two sides to a story." -he explained along the path to the mansion. "Robin was a vengeful kid. With good reason, no doubt, but he was heading down a very dark path. Batman wasn't exactly...qualified to handle that, then. Not so early in his career."

I hummed. "I can see why."

"Are you sure you can't read minds? You know entirely too much, for someone outside the League." -he asked, amused.

"Magic is a good substitute, when you lack a certain ability. I may only be an empath by birth, but there's a spell for pretty much everything."

"I have to admit, I'm not a great fan of magic. Scares me a little."

I looked at him, surprised. "You?"

"Not a lot can hurt me, Rachel. Magic, though...somehow, it finds a way. If I don't make it home to Lois one day, I just know it'll be because a spell got the best of me."

That was...disturbing. "I can teach you about magic, if you'd like. How to best defend yourself against it. What kind of curses to avoid at all costs, things like that. Protective charms are also pretty easy to make."

"Would you? I'd be very thankful for it."

"Sure. I just can't believe Fate never offered."

Superman sighed. "He's very...removed. Different priorities than ours, I suppose, but we need him on the team."

"Do you, really?"

"It's better than the alternative. For a Lord of Order, he sure leaves a lot of chaos in his wake. Especially on his own."

We reached the ornate front porch, and he knocked three times. "I hope Alfred's made pie." -Superman said. "Never quite as good as my ma's, but it's close enough."

I raised an eyebrow. "You don't seem very perturbed by the whole 'missing sidekicks' deal."

"I guess I'm optimistic. There's a chance they're alive, isn't there?" -he said, forlorn. "I'm trying to focus on that."

The massive wooden doors opened before I could do more than hum. "Good evening, Miss Roth, Master Kent. Please, come in." -said an old, balding man, his british accent impeccable. Dick's memories had mostly been centered around Batman, but I recognized Alfred Pennyworth in an instant.

"It's good to see you, Alfred." -Superman said, walking inside.

"Uh...hey." -was my eloquent greeting.

The man had a gravitas about him that...well, you'd be hard pressed for words, too. The fact that he was basically the keeper of the Batman did not escape me.

Alfred offered me the tiniest of smiles before leading us to a large living room, dominated by ludicrously expensive furniture. The walls were completely lined with bookcases, filled to the brim with old tomes; I might have admired the collection, but I knew all of this was just a front. Bruce Wayne was Batman's alter ego, and thus this was part of the costume.

Off to the side, there were two busts; a man and a woman, most likely the late Thomas and Martha Wayne.

"Running us through the gauntlet, Alfred?" -Superman asked, amused.

"As I do all first-time visitors, Master Kent."

"What does that mean?" -I asked.

The elderly man took off both of his gloves, and placed his palms on the top of each head. The busts gave off a low hum, and the central bookcase retreated into the wall, splitting in half and giving way to a matte black elevator.

I raised an eyebrow. "How do you guys get these things built in secret?"

"Master Thomas had this little alcove built long ago. We merely took advantage if it - modernized it to suit our more...nocturnal needs." -Alfred said, then ushered us inside, and the elevator swiftly descended.

Not five seconds later, it opened up to the Batcave itself.

The place was massive, easily three or four times as large as the Manor above. It was sparsely decorated, filled instead with several niche-like platforms housing Batman's various weaponized transports around a modular training complex - currently set to a rooftop inspired obstacle course - this in turn leading to a full gym, an armory with multiple suit variants for everyone in the Bat family, what looked like a trophy room, and the centerpiece of it all, the hyper-advanced Batcomputer.

"Thomas Wayne build this, too?" -I asked, sarcastic.

Alfred offered a smile, but no comment. I could see people from here, crowded around the Batcomputer, all of them suited up and ready to take on Gotham's nocturnal troubles. A couple of brightly dressed women approached us. One of them was a sultry redhead, rather impractically dressed in what appeared to be foliage, the other a chalky-skinned blonde, dressed in tight, black and red leather, and for some reason, carrying a similarly pale toddler.

In other words, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, in the Batcave.

Superman must've felt me tense up, because he put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Doctor Isley, Doctor Quinzel, it's good to see you again. And little Lucy, too."

Harley waved vigorously. "Heya, Supes!"

Ivy crossed her arms. "Kent. Bruce never said you'd be coming along."

"Along for what?" -I asked.

The redhead turned to glare at me. "He also failed to mention inviting a washed out teenaged superbrat."

I rolled my eyes. Quinn gasped. "Sweetie, that's not very nice. She wanted to get outta the game, didn't 'cha, Raven?"

"If that's the case, why is she in a suit? And why did Wayne let her into the cave?"

"I'm looking for Nightwing." -I said, curtly. "I don't know if you realized, but he's been missing for months."

"Of course we realized. We live here." -she shot back. "You're the one that just figured it out. Not a very good friend, are you?" -she asked, snidely.

"Ladies, please. We all want the same thing. Let's keep the peace, and focus on finding Nightwing, alright?" -Superman said, placating.

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Whatever. If you'll excuse us, Gotham's rather short on people to patrol tonight."

Harley saluted us, military style. "We'll keep it PG-13, promise. See ya soon!"

The two (former?) supervillains walked past us, towards a couple of customized bat-cycles. "...are they seriously taking a child on patrol?" -I asked.

Superman shook his head. "Harleen's mother lives in the suburbs. They'll drop Lucy off with her beforehand. I think." -he explained.

"This is entirely too weird to handle." -I said. "Why are they a thing? Here? In the Batcave?"

The kryptonian's face darkened. "Suffice it to say, the Joker went too far with Harley, and Doctor Isley managed to save her. Batman offered them a place to stay, in exchange for a cease in hostilities from them, and they took him up on it."

I shook my head. Knowing the Joker's usual crimes - everything from petty larceny to multiple counts of murder - I couldn't bring myself to think what 'too far' might've meant in this instance. "Still, Wayne is so paranoid about his identity. I can't believe he'd go so far for them."

Kent shrugged. "People change, Rachel. Though I'll admit, Selina was a big influence on his decision."

Following my blank stare, he clarified. "Selina Kyle, as in Catwoman? Been engaged with Bruce for over a year?"

"I don't read tabloids." -I muttered. "And even if I did, this is all a little more than what my suspension of disbelief can compensate for."

"I get that. Pretty crazy to think of how things have changed, but that's why life is so exciting, isn't it? Never know where any of us will end up."

I snorted. "Well, I certainly didn't see the past few days coming. Hard to believe my biggest gripe in life last week was slogging through the Twilight novels."

Even Superman couldn't hide his grimace. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I vowed to read everything I sold, back when I started. Like it or not, trashy vampire books from eleven years ago still sell." -I said, chagrined. "Plus, my friends dared me to."

"If you need any help with bullying…"

I rolled my eyes. "Gods, you are a boy scout. I'll pass on the lecture, thanks."

A small boy - he didn't quite reach 'young man' status quite yet - came up to us, dressed in a very familiar red, black, and yellow uniform. "Let me guess." -I said, crossing my arms. "You're the newest Robin."

He pointed to the insignia on his chest. "Obviously. So glad to see Batman employs such brilliant help." -he said, very clearly annoyed. "Kent, late as always. How you manage that with your abilities, I'll never know. Father is waiting on you."

Robin brushed past us, all five feet of him. "Are you telling me that small, angry child is Batman's son?" -I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Just how much happened in one year?" -I said, befuddled.

"You really didn't read the news, did you?" -Superman wondered. "I'm kind of jealous, not gonna lie."

"Yes, well, I'll be happy to lend you my glamour charm so you, too, can look like a young, enterprising Seattleite."

He laughed, as the assembled members of Batman's dysfunctional little family turned to greet us. "Come on. Let's hear what they have to say."

Considering that I've accomplished the daunting task of entering the Batcave, I'm not really happy with this one. Oh well, this fic needed a kick in the rump. Lots of plot in the next one, though, so look forward to that! Soon-ish!