By becoming an abuser, someone who has been abused can play the role of the more powerful person in the relationship in an attempt to overcome the powerlessness they felt when they were being abused. Unfortunately, this is not effective, and they may repeatedly dominate others in a futile attempt to get over the weakness they experienced as a victim.
-Elizabeth Hartney, PhD - from the article The Cycle of Sexual Abuse and Abusive Adult Relationships
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Chapter Six
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The last house Suzie lived in with Daddy Ken was out in the country, far from the quiet neighborhoods she'd seen out the window as they had driven here. Even better as far as Daddy Ken and Uncle Sean were concerned, there was a very high fence in the backyard, so tall that Daddy Ken and Uncle Sean couldn't see over it unless they stood on the very tips of their toes, and even then, they were seeing through the top part, which was lattice. The high fence pleased Suzie too, because it meant that she was allowed in the backyard, sometimes even on rare occasions, alone.
The backyard had a small deck but it was mostly grass and a few large oak trees that had at least half the yard buried in acorns. Squirrels loved the backyard for that reason. Suzie learned that oak trees were messy trees, constantly dropping branches and leaves on the ground. That didn't bother Suzie either, in fact, she started studying those dropped branches carefully.
Usually the branches dropped were half rotted away, falling apart when she picked them up. But one morning, after a heavy wind and rain storm, she woke up before Daddy Ken did and went downstairs to make coffee. When she went on the deck to drink her first cup, she saw the storm had blown a lot of branches down and she walked in her bare feet, wearing nothing but the long T-shirt she had put on before coming downstairs. Her feet were bare and they weren't sure they liked walking among all of nature's storm litter, that barely covered the layers of acorns, but she didn't care. She began lifting the bigger branches, finding some were the usual rotten ones, but others were not, others were fresh, heavy with healthy wood and sap. One she lifted was thicker around than the upper part of her arm, and longer than most of the other ones. Little branches stuck out from it, and she stripped those off. When all she had was the one long branch, she swung it in the air a few times. The weight of it felt very satisfying to her.
Looking at the sun, she could see that it was late enough that Daddy Ken would be waking up any second. If he sees me out here, playing with this, he will wonder, she thought, looking around the yard.
There was a small garden shed in the backyard, long empty of anything but a lawn mower and a rake for tenants to use. Suzie had already checked that out, days earlier. But, the shed sat on a raised platform and that's what mattered to Suzie. She pushed the branch under the shed, out of sight.
She was still squatting on the ground, when she heard the door open and Daddy Ken coming out, calling to her. "Suzie, what are you doing?" he asked. "Out there in your bare feet, you're going to either catch your death of cold or cut them to ribbons."
She had one twisting, gut wrenching feeling, but she closed her eyes for a moment, and by the time she stood up, she was smiling, looking as if she hadn't a care in the world. "I thought I saw a kitten run under here," she lied smoothly. "A gray kitten. Maybe it was a squirrel instead." She headed back to the deck, back to her own cup of coffee she'd left on the rail.
"Yeah, I don't think a kitten would find it easy to get in this backyard," Daddy Ken said, coming over to her and putting his arm around her. "And what would you do if there was a kitten?"
She knew what he wanted and moved closer, leaning her head on his stomach/chest area. "I'd ask you if I could keep it," she said. That might be the truth, had there actually been a kitten.
"We don't want a kitten," Daddy Ken said, wrapping his arm tighter around her, pulling her into him. "I already have the kitten I want." He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "You're my little sex kitten, aren't you?"
"Mmm, hmmm," she said, the words coming from her throat, her trying to make them sound like a purr. She probably failed at that, but Daddy Ken didn't care. In some ways, she had him twisted around her little finger. Unfortunately, not in every way. "But think how cute it would be to take pictures of me, with the kitten."
"Now that's a thought," Daddy Ken said, and she tipped her head back, seeing the razor stubble on his chin. But she knew his lips were curled into a smile. "That I might have enjoyed. Too bad it was a squirrel." He leaned over and kissed her forehead now. "But, I don't need a kitten to take some pictures of you, you know."
She forced herself to giggle. Another opposite day in a world of opposite days. "Daddy, you're insatiable."
"Yep," He admitted. "What can I say? Daddy loves his little Suzie."
"And I love you too, Daddy," she lied. "But can we have breakfast before we have," she paused and dropped a wink, 'fun?' I'm hungry."
"Sure we can," Daddy Ken said. "Do you want eggs?"
She nodded, not really caring, just wanting to postpone the sex part. And, if she was honest, she was hungry. "You make the best scrambled eggs."
"Aw, thank you," Daddy Ken said, taking both coffee cups from the rail and dumping them over the rail, onto the ground. "Maybe, while I'm making eggs, you could kneel on the floor and make your daddy happy."
She batted her lashes. "Maybe," she teased. You'll be damned lucky if I don't bite it off, she thought.
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Suzie's urge to rush things along was almost overwhelming, but if this life had taught her anything it was that patience was often necessary to get anything good. Patience and bullshit. She dealt with the bullshit by telling herself that everything she said to Daddy Ken, Uncle Sean or any of the old perverts she fucked was to be taken in the opposite way. If she tried to rush things, she was doomed for failure.
The former tenants appeared to have left in a hurry, because a lot of little personal things, nothing of value and importance, but things that might have been taken if they'd had a leisurely time to pack were left around. One of these strange things was a ball of thin, mostly white thread, with a strand of red twisted into it. It was left in the kitchen. Later, she would learn it was string for tying turkeys and chicken's legs together when cooking them, but at that time, she only cared that it was there and that Daddy Ken didn't seem worried about it. When she quietly took it from the drawer, put it in her pocket and ran upstairs with it. As she began to examine it, she thought she could see why nobody cared if she took it or not. It was a fairly weak string that she could break with just a good, hard, tug. Still, it was all she had and she was determined to work with it. And she might not have anything stronger, but at least she had a lot of it.
She started cutting off huge lengths of this string, three of them, then braiding them together to form one, thicker strand. It took her several days to get this one thicker strand created, but when it was finished, she could tug it hard and it wouldn't break.
Other folks would have settled for that, but Suzie wasn't other folks. Suzie knew she had one chance at this. If she failed, she would lose the trust of Daddy Ken forever, and possibly sold off to someone who would treat her even worse, or get her killed. So, she made three of those longer, braided strands and then braided them together. When that was finished, she knew it was strong enough to hold the weight of the branch she still had hidden under the shed. The rest of the branches that had fallen from that storm were cleaned up by her, Daddy Ken, and Uncle Sean. Uncle Sean had hauled them off someplace and part of Suzie suspected they might have been afraid of what she would do if she had a long, strong, and stout, stick. All the more reason to be careful.
In the meantime, she did nothing to throw any suspicion on herself. She was still Little Suzie, the sex crazed little girl who loved her Daddy Ken and Uncle Sean. Who loved making movies with strange men. She took the lead with Daddy Ken and Uncle Sean when she felt it was right, she didn't want to do it too often and have them think might be getting notions that she was in control, so she did it carefully, making sure it looked more like she was just such a little whore that she had to have it, not that she was trying to curry favor with anyone.
When she had her thicker cord, more rope-like, rather than string-like, she knew it was time to put part two together, which put her in more danger. The string wasn't strong enough to hold her entire weight, so if she had been caught making that, she might have been able to lie her way out of that, claiming boredom as the culprit. But there was no way she could bring a heavy stick into the house without raising questions.
Fear kept her from putting her plans into action, but one morning, when she woke up much earlier than she normally did, she knew it was time to stop being a pussy and start working. Her bedroom overlooked the backyard, and had two windows, one facing the back yard, one facing the side of the yard.. The fence was placed a few feet away from the house, leaving a tiny space that was strewn with gravel. She opened the window facing that small alley and got her "rope." She tossed one end out the window, and watched as it fell to the ground, with plenty of room on the end. Then, she shut the window firmly on the strand to hold it in place. She slipped downstairs in her long t-shirt nightgown.
Usually if Suzie woke up before Daddy Ken, she would make coffee, but this morning she was afraid the sound of the coffee maker or the smell of fresh coffee would wake him, so instead she slipped out the back door and ran to the shed. Daddy Ken's bedroom looked over the front and side of the house, so she knew he wouldn't see her out the window, but she also knew she shouldn't dawdle.
She pulled the stick out from under the shed, thrilled to see that her memory had remained sharp, and the stick felt as strong and heavy as she remembered. She ran to the tiny side alley and quickly, but firmly, tied the string around the stick. Then, she raced around to the backyard and slipped into the kitchen and this time she did start the coffee. She longed to run upstairs and pull the stick into the house, but she knew that would be pushing her luck. Instead she let the coffee drip, trying her best to look casual.
She heard the sounds of Daddy Ken waking up and moving around upstairs and she got out two coffee mugs and then went and got the creamer from the refrigerator and sugar from the cupboard. She set up the little table to look like it was all ready for the two of them to have coffee. She could hear him on the stairs and she sat down, trying to look relaxed, like she had just woken up, but then she looked down at her feet.
Her walk across the back yard had gotten them dirty, and that was the type of thing Daddy Ken would notice, so she jumped to her feet and ran into the downstairs powder room. She had just shut the door, when she heard Daddy Ken walking into the kitchen going, "Suzie, honey, where are you?"
"I'm peeing!" she called out. She filled a glass with water from the tap, and started spilling it into the toilet, in case Daddy Ken came over to the door to listen. She hoped it sounded like she was peeing. When the glass was empty, she washed her feet in the sink, first one, then the other, straining to get them up that high, but able to just manage it. When her feet were clean enough so they wouldn't stain the hand towel, she dried her feet with it. She glanced in the mirror. Her hair was a bit of a mess, but it could pass for bed head. She took a deep breath and forced her eyes into a half closed look, as if she was having trouble waking up, then left the powder room and went into the kitchen.
When she got there, Daddy Ken was looking at the floor, frowning. She looked in the same direction, noticing a leaf on the floor. Oh shit! Forcing herself to smile, she ran over and threw her arms around his waist. "Good morning, Daddy Ken."
"Morning, baby girl," Daddy Ken said, but he was still frowning. "How did a leaf get on the floor?"
It took everything she had and then some, but she shrugged. "I opened the door and went out on the deck for a moment, before I made coffee. It must have blown in and I didn't see it."
The weather was chilly and had the feel of rain coming any second outside, not exactly deck weather. "Why did you go out on the deck?" he asked.
His voice was casual, but Suzie didn't let that assure her. You're acting for your life right now. "I wanted to see how cold it was," she said fluttering her lashes. "I thought if it was warm enough, maybe you and I could... sunbathe together?" She forced herself to give her best "I'm-a-naughty-girl" look. "You know, sunbathe so we don't get any tan lines?"
He frowned, but he didn't look too upset. "It's getting too close to winter, my little baby girl. We won't be able to sunbathe naked for awhile."
"I know," she said, pretending to look greatly put out by this. "We'll have to come up with some other games then."
Daddy Ken smiled and even though she still sensed a bit of the predator in his smile, it was about the best she ever got from him. "And you are the best at coming up with games, aren't you?"
"I sure am," She said, giggling. "Is Uncle Sean coming over today?"
"I'm sure he will, why do you ask?"
"Because I want to come up with a game the three of us can play," she said.
Daddy Ken looked pleased. "I think we can arrange that. Does my baby girl need it?"
"Badly Daddy," she said, head tipped down so she was forced to look at him out of the upper corners of her eyes. "But first, let's have some coffee and maybe some breakfast?"
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While Daddy Ken and Uncle Sean didn't spend much time in the backyard, and as far as Suzie knew, never looked down the alley between the side of the house and the fence, she still felt as if time was of the essence. Patience was all fine and good, but that homemade rope, coming out of her window and tied to that big tree limb was something that could not be explained away. She had to get it out of the alley and into her room as fast as possible.
She did the only thing she felt she could do, and that was to play this game she had been playing for all these years with an even fiercer intensity, letting Daddy Ken and Uncle Sean think she was some sort of animal in heat. She let them try anything they might want on her and pretended it was the best time she ever had. She screamed her way through dozens of fake orgasms and even a few real ones, because stimulation was stimulation after all. She acted as if everything they wanted was something wonderful, something she had been wanting to do with them forever, even if it had only been a couple days since the last time. Every time one of them tried to wander off, she insisted they stay and did what she could to make sure they believed she really did want them to stay.
She finally wore them out. She had led them both to Daddy Ken's room and the three of them had "played" in Daddy Ken's big bed. And now that the two of them were sleeping soundly, she slipped from the room and went to her room and shut the door, locking it behind her. This was the first time she'd ever been able to have a lock on her door, normally Daddy Ken would disable them. The lock though, was pretty weak, a driver's license or credit card would easily be able to open it. But it was better than nothing. Before she could talk herself out of this, she grabbed the end of the "rope" and opened the window. She pulled on the rope, bringing up the stick, her heart pounding. When she could hear it scraping on the side of the house she nearly had a heart attack, and moved the hand with the string out a little further, hauling it up away from the side of the house. She finally got it up, and pulled it into the room. Holding it under one arm, she shut the window carefully with the other. Then she ran over to the other side of the room where the closet was. She dragged a chair over, and got up on it, and put the stick on the top shelf of the closet, way in the back. It was dark enough that you'd have to know it was up there and even then, you probably wouldn't be able to see it. Not that Daddy Ken went into her closet much. He was more likely to suggest outfits and tell her to put them on. And her expensive movie costumes were in the large walk in closet in his room, because he worried that she might play dress up and ruin them.
When she had put the chair back, she unlocked her bedroom door and went to the bathroom. Quickly, she cleaned herself up from the day's activities, grateful to get the stench of the two men off of her. Then, she went back to her room, got a clean, t-shirt/nightshirt out of the dresser and put it on.
Laying down, she had an odd sort-of comfort inside of her, something she wasn't familiar with. But every time she thought about that big, heavy, stout, stick at the top of her closet, she found she was smiling, something she didn't often do of her own free will.
Very soon Daddy Ken, she thought, Opposite day is going to end and you and Uncle Sean are going to know exactly what I think of you and what you've been doing with me.