A.N.: Hello guys, I hope you all had some good days and are still healthy and in good humour. I am healthy but man, this isolation is starting to get to me. I start asking myself how much longer and it could easily be months. Well, let's get through this together. I appreciate all your comments. They keep cheering me up in these hard times.
Special thanks for this chapter go to Stephanie MRV. Thank you for being my sounding board!
Thank you multilingualism for betaing this chapter!
Chapter 29: Wrong decisions
„You're an idiot," Severus said and looked at the girl with a scowl. "But I think I don't have to tell you, as you look like you've realized that yourself. Merlin, Hermione, how did you find telling Fred and George Weasley would be a good idea?"
She didn't look at him and stared at her toes instead. It was like the Hermione Granger he had known in the last weeks was suddenly gone and what remained was the frightened, over-achieving student that just realized she had made a gigantic mistake. "I… they asked me to be their girlfriend, to just give it a try and see if it works for us," the girl said silently but still refused to look at him. It was kind of annoying because as much as he sometimes enjoyed terrifying students, he didn't want her to cower like that in front of him.
"Which wasn't an option," he calmly stated and saw her nod in return. "Couldn't you have simply said no? You won't be the first teenage girl rejecting a suitor, you know?"
He saw her bottom lip disappear between her teeth and his fingers twitched with the urge to finally make her look up to him. But he didn't.
"I didn't want to lose them," Hermione told her feet with a sigh. "Not as friends I mean. I know that I'll never be able to tell Harry and Ron, but… I can't do that on my own."
"You wouldn't have been on your own, Hermione, remember? There was always me, but obviously, that's not enough for you, isn't it?" Somehow the hurt he felt had sneaked into his voice and Hermione must have heard it, as her head finally snapped up and she stared at him with wide eyes. It looked like she wanted to say something, to protest, but not a sound escaped her mouth. He shook his head in disappointment. "I thought you understood that sharing your secret would be dangerous. You told me you knew that people would possibly hate you, for what you had to do. But you can't stand to be hated, can't you? You want to be everybody's darling. Well, Miss Granger, let me tell you something: it will break your neck. Trusting the wrong people is what kills you in the end, go and ask Lily and James Potter."
As soon as the words left his mouth he realized that he shouldn't have said them, even if they were true. He saw the tears well up in her eyes but she also saw her fighting them down again. As if he hadn't already seen her crying or she him. Weren't they already closer than that? Had he been so wrong in the assessment of their friends?
"I'm sorry I disappointed you," the girl finally said and looked at him with sad eyes. "But I'm not stupid, you know? I let them make an oath that they won't tell. I trust them, Severus."
It was like he was experiencing déjà vu. He would lose her too, lose his new best friend to a bunch of Gryffindors again because she had fallen in love - because she trusted them. How long would it be until he held her cold body in his arms until his heart would break again? Merlin, when would he ever learn?
Still, he had to make Hermione see her mistake because obviously, she hadn't quite understood the danger she had put those two love-struck idiots in. And so he grabbed her by the shoulders, shook her and said: "You got an oath? Well, that makes it all better doesn't it? It's not like they could be placed under the Imperius curse right? It's not like one would have to watch their twin being beaten, raped and tortured until they told the truth right? It's not like the Dark Lord could capture one of their family members and hurt them, to tell the truth right?"
She stared back at him with wide, frightened eyes, but Severus had just gotten started with his rant. "How could you possibly be so selfish? You knew this was a burden, to begin with. You said you were willing to make sacrifices to protect yourself and those you love. You had me take away your parents memories for god's sake! Are they so insignificant to you? Do the people who birthed you, raised you and loved you mean less than those boys? You folded easily to them like some love-struck fool! You made yourself an orphan but refuse to lose their friendship? Do you not see how daft you sound?! You placed all the Weasleys in danger, not just those two." Hermione was openly crying now and heavy sobs escaped her mouth while she stared at him like she was seeing him for the first time. She didn't say a word in defence though and he looked at her with a disappointed shake of his head before he continued: "But what really galls me is that you lied to me. You told me you would do your best to keep your secret and then you turn around and spill it for all to hear. I have given you my time, my work and my trust and you threw it all away for a fucking crush!"
Finally, his anger seemed to have somehow vented and he let go of her shoulders to take some steps back. He folded his hands in front of his chest and stared at the girl who cryingly shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she said, taking a step into his direction but he motioned her with his hand to not come closer. He didn't want her near him now.
"You should be. But sorry is not enough. The only person you thought about was yourself: you didn't want to be alone. But I'll tell you what: let's see how far it will bring you, Miss Granger, shall we? But don't come running back to me then, because I'll say: I told you so."
With that, he turned around. He couldn't look at her any longer. Looking at her hurt his heart and he'd had enough of that pain to last him a lifetime.
"You should go, your detention for the rest of the week is cancelled. I'm busy."
He heard her gasp behind him, but he didn't care. He also didn't care when he heard her leave his office with a silent sob. At least that's what he told himself when he retreated to his sofa with a glass of fire whiskey. So why did it hurt so much then?
sssssssss
It was like someone had just turned back the time for her, but only just. Potions classes were as unpleasant as they had been last year as Professor Snape treated her the same as he had back then, if not worse. He hadn't treated her much differently in the last months, but at least then she knew that he didn't mean it. Now she wasn't so sure. Most of the time he simply ignored her now, ignored her raised hand, and simply looked over her like she was not in the classroom. Some days she even wished back his insults as that would have meant at least some reaction by him because as things went she could have simply stayed away from class and she was sure he wouldn't even have complained.
And the worst of it: he had been right with every word. She hadn't only been selfish to tell the twins her secret, she had also been incredibly foolish, which wasn't like her at all. Usually, Hermione prided herself with being a logical person being able to make logical decisions even though they might be painful. She had done that and sent her parents away. It had hurt, but Severus and also the twins had been there for her. Why hadn't she been able to make a similar decision with Fred and George? Why had she kissed them, to begin with? Would Severus be right in the end? Would this one emotional decision break her neck in the end and probably his too? Because he was Dumbledore's Death Eater spy, a spy that was still linked to her no matter how much he probably regretted that connection now. The link held and Hermione clung to it with everything she had. Severus was her friend, even though she might no longer be his. She wanted to know whenever he was in trouble again and she'd be at his side to help him, no matter how hard he tried to push her away.
And then there were the twins, her brilliant, loyal friends. Ever since their fateful meeting in the Common Room they were back to being friends again. None of them ever mentioned to her what happened and even though they did talk to her on a regular basis or made a joke to make her laugh, they mostly kept their distance. Hermione realized that they probably needed time to get over their feelings as much as she did and that was fine with her. Her heart was aching for them and for what could have or better could never have been, so theirs was probably too. They all needed time to heal and so keeping distance was probably really the wisest choice, even though that meant that she was back to spending most of her time with Ron and Harry. It wasn't a bad thing as both of them were thrilled to have her spend more time with them again. But considering that none of the two was aware of her secret and the people who were keeping their distance right now, Hermione couldn't help but feel lonely nonetheless.
But it wasn't just her problems inside of Hogwarts that worried her. The world outside of the school kept moving on without mercy and the next blow for Hermione came, when the Daily Prophet announced a mass breakout in Azkaban, with ten escaped Death Eaters, amongst them Bellatrix Lestrange. For a while, Hermione just stared into the newspaper in disbelief because even though such an event should have been indication enough that Harry was not a liar and You-Know-Who was indeed back, the Ministry kept refusing to acknowledge such a thing. Hermione was speechless but above all, she was worried. Because not only did Lord Voldemort try to find the Open Link, he had just gotten himself an army.
ssssssss
He was kneeling on the same, cold marble floor as last time, Severus realized, probably on the exact same spot he had been tortured before. The call had come unexpected, just when he was about to crawl on his sofa with a book and a glass of fire whiskey again. It had been his routine for the last few days because even though Severus had never been much of a drinker, he felt like he had earned himself that bit of alcohol-induced relaxation. But not today, as his master seemed to have other plans with him.
"Master," he greeted the man who was casually lounging on a black obsidian throne in front of him. "How can I be of service?"
"Well Severussss… It's been days since our last… conversation. Could you find a way to narrow your search for the Open Link further down?"
Severus swallowed. "I could indeed, My Lord. Now there are only seven individuals left on my list but I am unsure how to get more information without seeming overly suspicious to the Headmaster."
"Then you will be relieved to hear that I will supply you with a fitting occasion for that. Our allies within the Ministry will advise the Minister, that Veritaserum might be a good way of gathering that sort of information. You see, our Dear Cornelius has gotten more and more desperate to finally meet the Open Link. And therefore he might be willing to loosen the regulations concerning the use of Veritaserum on students." The Dark Lord's voice had taken on an almost amused undertone which led Severus to finally look up at the man. And really, Lord Voldemort almost looked smug, well as much as it was possible when one's face resembled that of a gigantic snake.
Severus nodded. "Being able to question the brats under Veritaserum might be exactly what we need, my Lord. But what if I will not be allowed to take part in the questioning?"
"You will," Lord Voldemort replied in a tone that spoke of certainty. "As the Ministry's supply on Veritaserum will sadly be found wanting, you'll have to be the one supplying the High Inquisitor with the potion, which will make your presence indispensable, I fear. Of course, the Ministry will be afraid of its lackey to be outnumbered, so Lucius will be suggested to the Minister as a trustworthy ally for the interrogation."
Severus forced himself to smile amusedly. "Which will come in handy as soon as we've found the Open Link. Just a quick Obliviation and she won't be any wiser."
The snake-like man in front of him nodded. "Indeed. And we'll finally be able to take the next step, once we get that Open Link. See that you stock up your supply on Veritaserum, my loyal servant."
Severus nodded. "As my Lord commands," he replied with a deep bow. But inwardly he cursed. It was a good plan, ruthless but it could work, which would make it all the more difficult for him to get out of this mess alive and still protect the girl. Lucius would watch his every step because even if the man was his friend, he was first and foremost a Slytherin who wanted to stand at the winning side, which made him the Dark Lord's loyal servant in the actual situation.
sssssssss
"You look like you're going to fall asleep on your porridge," Ron said, spooning more ham and eggs into his mouth. It had been six weeks now, six incredibly long weeks since Hermione had kissed the twins and things with Severus had fallen to pieces, six weeks of trying to talk to him only to be ignored or sent away. Hermione was tired, not just emotionally but also she could barely sleep at night as she was constantly worried about him needing her help without her being able to feel it. Apart from being discovered as an Open Link, it was her biggest worry these days and it kept her awake until she finally fell into a restless slumber.
"Hermione?" she heard Harry's voice ask her and her eyes snapped open. Merlin, she had almost fallen asleep in the middle of the breakfast table.
"Sorry, boys I think I'm not feeling very well," Hermione answered with an apologizing smile. "I think I'm just going to…"
"Hem hem." Hermione didn't get any further, as her words were suddenly interrupted by Dolores Umbridge clearing her throat. When Hermione looked up to her she had risen from the teacher's table and stared down at them with glinting eyes and a worryingly radiant smile. "Good morning everybody. Unfortunately for everybody, the Open Link has still not been found." She let her eyes roam through the Great Hall and as her eyes landed on her, Hermione could feel a frightful shiver run down her spine. This was going to get ugly. She just knew it.
"It has been months and the Ministry has come to the conclusion that said person is deliberately hiding in the hope of not being discovered. This is a dangerous decision though as the Ministry is not able to protect the said person, as long as it is not aware of their identity."
Dolores Umbridge studied them with a raised chin like she was waiting for somebody to stand up and confess to being the Open Link. Hermione heard Harry snorting next to her. "Protecting as they had done with Lavender Brown?" he whispered and rolled his eyes. "No thank you."
Ron sitting across from him nodded. "Yeah. No one would be stupid enough to believe in their promised protection. I don't understand why he or she hasn't sought out Dumbledore's help though."
Hermione shrugged. She knew the answer of course, but she couldn't share it with her two friends. Luckily Umbridge felt like she had to continue her little speech and so there was no time for Harry and Ron to wonder about her staying silent on the matter.
"Even if the Open Link might not feel the need right now, the Link must finally be sealed. Only then our world can finally be safe again and return to the normality we all wish for. Therefore the Minister and I have come to the conclusion that it is best if we question all students from 5th year and above as well as the teachers under Veritaserum."
Hermione wasn't the only one who gasped at her words, as many students around her did.
"They can't do that!" Ron loudly protested and got to his feet, while all around them agitated murmuring erupted on the house tables.
"Veritaserum is a strongly regulated substance," Professor McGonagall protested and got to her feet. "Wizarding law says that it is only to be used for the interrogation of criminals, not for a systematic questioning of students that mostly aren't even of age!"
"That is true," Umbridge admitted with an unsettling smile. "But you will have to agree that this situation is requiring a special course of action, as normal approaches have been fruitless for far too long. Therefore you will find that regular law is no longer applying in this unusual situation."
Hermione felt like she was going to be sick. How was she supposed to escape a questioning under Veritaserum? Merlin, this was bad. She knew from her recent potions lesson, that the stuff was almost infallible and that there was no antidote to it. So what was she supposed to do? Inevitably her eyes were drawn to Severus, who sat on the teacher's table, his features schooled to a mask of indifference. But just as she was about to look away, his eyes finally focussed on her with his brows raised in challenge. And even if his mouth didn't form the words, Hermione suddenly remembered what he had said to her when she had last spoken to him. Yes, he had been right. Confiding into the twins had been a bad idea. What would happen to them, when they revealed her secret under Veritaserum, even though they had given an oath? Would there be some sort of backlash or magical punishment for them? Merlin, this was bad. How was she supposed to protect them, when she didn't even know how to protect herself? God, she wished she could just run to his office and beg him for help like she had done so many times in the past already. No matter how difficult the problem was, he had always been there for her and found a way to get her through. With him as a friend, she had been given more help than she could have dreamed of only to ruin it with her stupidity and selfishness. Now he would no longer help her, Severus would no longer even talk to her no matter how often she waited after class or came to his office in the evening. It was always the same now. He looked at her with thin lips and a disappointed glint in his eyes before simply turning around without even saying a word to her. And Hermione couldn't help but realize that she had lost the best friend she could have wished for – probably forever.
Hermione's eyes snapped back to the Gryffindor table and searched for her red-haired friends. They were sitting a bit further down the table and talked to each other in quick, hushed tones. Maybe she could try to obliviate them in the evening? They couldn't betray a secret they no longer knew.
"Hem hem." Umbridge's throat-clearing brought her back from her thoughts and a moment later Hermione found the students around her fall silent and look at the short woman with wide, frightened eyes. "There is no need for you to panic, dear students. The Ministry will only ask questions concerning the identity of the Open Link, nothing more. You, therefore, don't need to be concerned about your personal secrets, when you are led to the interrogation room later today."
Hermione gasped. They were doing this today? How was she supposed to find a way out of this in a matter of hours? Then she realized that this was probably the point. The Ministry was determined to find the Open Link and Hermione had no way of stopping them, not in a matter of hours. If she could only find a way to talk to Severus… Hermione sighed, because he'd probably just say: "I told you so."
sssssssss
"What about Nosebleed-Nougat?" Fred said when he and George strolled down the corridor on the way to their first lesson of the day.
His brother shook his head. "We've done that once too often already, as have several other students. Umbridge will never buy it, as she has confiscated more than enough of our stuff. She'd probably just call for Madam Pomfrey and get on with the questioning afterwards."
"Probably," Fred agreed with a grim expression. "So what else can we do? There has to be something. We can't just let this happen…"
George sighed. "Apart from running away with Hermione, there isn't much we can do I guess. Even though that would definitely reveal her secret and where would we even go? Not only the Ministry would be looking for us then…"
His brother looked at him with a thoughtful expression and with a grab of his hand, he pulled him into a stop. "That's actually not such a bad idea, Georgie. How do you feel about ending your Hogwarts career early, brother?"
George looked at his twin with wide eyes. "Early as in today?"
Fred nodded. "If we're quick we can pack up everything from the lab and our dorm in under an hour. What do you say?"
"They'll think it's us and try to hunt us down, Freddy…" George warned his brother with a serious expression.
The older twin nodded. "Then let them try. We have Harry's money. And we're brilliant, right? They'll never find us… well, or at least not for a while."
George didn't answer right away. Instead, he weighed his head thoughtfully from one side to the other. "Well, we did promise to protect Hermione and if we leave with a big enough show that might be enough for them to cancel their Veritasserum questioning…"
"See?" Fred said with a nervous grin? "It's brilliant! And let's be honest with ourselves, it's the only plan we have and time is kind of running out."
His brother snorted. "It's a shitty plan, Fred. But at least we'll have each other. So you and me, huh?"
Fred clapped his shoulder with a grin. "Yeah Georgie, you and me."