Chapter 19 Courtship

Fanny felt very fatigued, yet it took quite a while before she slept. She couldn't help it that her thoughts kept going back to her dances with Mr Crawford. She remembered him holding her hand, the way he looked at her, how they had talked. She felt butterflies in her stomach when she recalled his happy smile at her acceptance of his hand for both dances.
She wondered if she would see him the next day. They had not talked about riding or visits, so she just had to wait.
When she finally managed to fall asleep, her dreams were full of a certain gentleman…

The next day the weather was chilly but dry. Fanny decided to go for a short ride. She longed for some fresh air.
Halfway her ride, she saw a familiar person riding towards her. Her stomach fluttered; it was Mr Crawford.
"Good morning, Miss Price. I see you are up early! May I join you on your ride?"
She nodded. "Good morning. Yes. Even though the weather is not very nice, I had to get out."

"Me too. My sisters were not up yet, but I am going to try to avoid being there when they are breaking their fast. I am sure they will be gushing about the ball from last night, and I do not feel equal to discussions about lace and the colour of the gown of Miss so-and-so."

Fanny laughed. "What makes you think I will not talk about these things?"
With mock exaggeration he covered his eyes with his hand. "Oh no, I truly thought you were someone who would be above such subjects. But then, you are a woman after all."

She blushed and then asked. "What would you rather talk about then? What do gentlemen talk about after a ball?"

"I am afraid, Miss Price, that I cannot tell you that. For it would not be suitable for your ears. Mostly.
I guess we could talk about the quality of port that your uncle serves, or who won what amount in the card-room. But, although I have drunk some of that port - which was good by the way - you know I have not been in the card-room, so I cannot tell you about that." Then, more serious, he went on: "But I really did enjoy the evening! It was good to be back. I have missed Mansfield when I was away."

They went on to talk about what they had been doing in that time when Mr Crawford was away.
To Fanny it felt as if nothing had changed and she greatly enjoyed his company.

Later on, that day, at visiting hours, the three siblings from the parsonage came to the great house. The sisters complimented Lady Bertram on the ball and talked with Fanny. They did talk about gowns and Fanny rather enjoyed a bit of female company.

She saw Mr Crawford roll his eyes in a joking manner, when he caught some of their conversation.
She laughed at his exaggeration.
She felt light and happy. Mrs Norris was absent, apparently still not feeling well, so she felt a little more free to converse with her friends.

It took nearly a week before Mrs Norris showed up at Mansfield Park again. Fanny thought she had altered. The woman seemed not as strong as before. Her voice slurred a little and she went to her home earlier. But her attitude towards Fanny had not changed at all and although she didn't seem to have the energy to be more vehement in her attacks, the intentions behind it had not changed.
Fanny tried to avoid her company whenever she could.

Weeks passed by and whenever the weather was good, she would ride.
It seemed she and Mr Crawford had picked up where they left off before his proposal, and acted as the friends they were before. They did not speak about their feelings although Fanny could see his in the way he looked at her and in his actions. Her own feelings towards him had started to change drastically as well. Since the ball, her mind was full of him and every day she eagerly anticipated his presence.

Edmund was most of his time at Thornton Lacey and one Sunday the family went there to hear him preach. Fanny was proud of her cousin for his achievements. He really seemed to have found his place and the people in his parish had readily accepted their new vicar.
Mary also came on that day and she admitted to Fanny the next day that Mr Bertram on the pulpit was not at all bad to look at. She also said how relieved she was to find his sermon not boring at all.
Fanny remembered her remarks at Sotherton, where she had talked about long, boring sermons from vicars not worth looking at.
Fanny smiled. Mary seemed to start to accept Edmund's profession after all. But she was careful not to mention anything of the sort to that lady. They must find their own way and Fanny hoped they would be happy together one day.

Fanny thought back about a time, three years ago, after Edmund had rescued herself from the near compromise with Mr Nicholson. She had been so grateful to her cousin, who had always been her friend since she came to live at Mansfield Park, that she had found herself starting to fall in love with him. Over the time however, her gratefulness and kind feelings towards him never abated, but her love turned out to be a passing fancy. He was frequently away to university and she would not see him often. He was more a friend or a brother than anything else.

Maybe that was why she had accepted Mr Crawford's friendship so easily. Yet her friendship with that gentleman was so different from the one with her cousin. There seemed to be so much more to talk about with Mr Crawford, not in the least their shared love of horses.
She noticed that again her thoughts had returned to him. She smiled at herself.

For Henry, these weeks were the best in his life so far. He spent a lot of his time in Fanny's company and was delighted to see how she truly seemed to warm up to him. The light blush and the smile he was greeted with every time he met her, was more than he had ever expected.

He still was very careful whenever they were in Mrs Norris' company. The lady seemed a long time in recovering from whatever illness she had had after the ball, but her hatred towards Fanny seemed more and more visible. Even Lady Bertram noticed something of it by her sister, although she did nothing about it.

Henry wondered why Mrs Norris had such an aversion to Fanny.

One day, when they were walking in the garden, he gathered some courage and asked Fanny if she knew.
She did not look at him and blushed.
"I'm sorry Miss Price. I know it is not my business to ask such things, but cannot help but wonder. If you do not wish to talk about it, I will leave the subject be."

"I… do not know myself. Since I came to live here she has always treated me differently. I assume because I was just the poor, dependent niece and should remember my place. But over the years she has become worse. Perhaps it is still because of my uncle's death?"

Henry remembered his sister telling that none of the parishioners wished to talk much about the former parson.

"You see, he had always had health problems as far as I know. But one day he seemed to be seriously ill. My aunt thought he was exaggerating and sent me to care for him while she went to the Park all day. During the day I could see his health deteriorating. I thought he must need a doctor, so I sent word to my aunt to ask if she would call for the doctor. She refused. Some hours later I saw him die. I sent word again to my aunt and she came back. She was very angry at me and accused me of not having cared well enough for him." She sighed.

"I did not like my uncle, but it was a shock to see him die. I think my aunt blamed herself for not having called the doctor, and she put that blame on me. She never talks about it, but since then her behaviour towards me has become worse."

Henry extended his hand and took hers as a gesture of consolation.
"That must have been a horrible experience for you!"
She shrugged. "It was. For some months afterwards I had nightmares about it. Now I do not often think about it anymore. It has been nearly three years now."

They went to talk about other things, but Henry kept thinking if there was more to Mrs Norris' hatred. She seemed jealous of Fanny. Was it her beauty perhaps? He sighed and then let the subject go from his mind.

A letter arrived that he was needed at Everingham. With spring approaching it was a busy time with planting and foaling horses.

Fanny looked truly sad that he had to leave, but she did not try to persuade him to stay as Mary had done.

His sister had kept her word and not talked with Fanny about the relationship between him and Fanny. But she always talked to him about it. And when she heard that he had to leave, she had said: "Can you not stay? You are finally getting somewhere with Fanny. I do not think it is a good time to leave."
"I wish I could stay, but I have to take care of my estate. Fanny understands the importance of this. I hope that one day you'll learn from her."

"Do you know when you will be back?" Fanny asked.
"I do not know. Maybe two or three weeks."
"I will miss you very much," she sighed, "but I know it's important that you must go."

He smiled at her. "I am glad you understand. I will miss you as well." He took both her hands in his and kissed them tenderly. "Goodbye Fanny. Until soon."

This parting was different from the last one. It was painful to not see her for some weeks. But this time he was sure of her regard. When at Everingham, he would start preparing some things and when he returned to Mansfield he intended to ask the question again.

With this in mind, the absence became somewhat bearable.