Volume I: Chapter: XII: Moving On:

After I finally managed to calm down and pull myself back together, I decided to just stay where I was and keep myself isolated to avoid all human interaction for the rest of the night. I couldn't bear to face anybody at the moment, afraid of what might happen or what I might do. Even though a couple hours had passed at this point, I was still as shaken up as I initially was from the incident that had occurred earlier.

"I…I can't believe I almost- no!" I can't even think about it without getting overwhelmed again. Hopefully I can just sleep this off and forget about it by the time I wake up. Maybe it's just a night of sleep I need. Just a little bit of rest. That's all... right?

I slowly and quietly tip-toe back toward the center of the camp under the cover of the dim light being emitted from the torches. Upon reaching it, I poke my head out to make sure the coast was clear. To my relief, I see that everyone was mostly gone with the exception of a few bandits who were absolutely wasted and unconscious with empty mugs and bottles either in their hand or by their side. However, in case of the off chance that there is someone who isn't drunk out of their mind that I haven't noticed, I still decide to be careful and move along the perimeter rather than walk straight through the open area.

After some sneaking around and staying within the darker, dimmer areas of the perimeter, I almost reach my tent. I eventually passed by the spot where I fought the drunk man from earlier and there were still broken shards from the bottle and the plate I used on him along with a few drops of dried up blood that were still on the ground. After seeing this, the memories started flooding back into me as I started to become overwhelmed again. In response, I quickly averted my gaze from the scene and began to book it to my tent and push through the flaps and collapsed on the skin rug on the floor. To help distract myself, I look around my tent to get my mind off of it.

The interior of my tent wasn't very big. It was slightly larger than most of the other bandits', but not as large as Mari's or Vernal's. I'm still thankful they set it up for me though. The interior of the tent was a bit smaller than my room back in Dorado (not including the closet space). Not very big, but still enough to move around a bit and stretch your legs. On the floor, there was a skin rug, of what animal, I do not know. It's black, that's for sure. Perhaps it's an ursa skin rug? Wait, no! All grimm evaporate after death, so it can't be that. Maybe it's just a normal black bear. Either way, it's very soft. On top of it rested a small orange sleeping bag with an insulated interior as well as a cushion to serve as my pillow. To my right, there was a small, forest green trunk with some of the paint peeling off with a golden colored latch. I think I'll use that for storing my weapons and clothes. I noticed on top of the trunk, there was a small pointed object, but I couldn't tell what it was due to how dim it was in here. As I looked closer, I realized it was my mother's knife. Mari must have brought it back here and returned it to me after I ran off. That girl has way too much faith and trust in me. Not that I'm implying that I'm going to run out and start slaughtering some people, but after seeing what happened earlier, not even I would give the knife back to me and that's coming from someone who values this thing almost as much as my own life considering I got into a fight with a colossus when trying to get it back.

I also noticed that beside mom's knife, there was a slip of paper- a note… from Mari. I could tell because she signed it this time. Also, I recognize her handwriting. I slowly walk toward the trunk and pick up the note and read it:

Hey Simin,

I'll keep this one short and sweet since you will have probably had a long day. I first want to start off with saying that I would like to welcome you to our tribe! I know you've gone through some tough times so I hope we can help you move forward and feel at home as part of our family. You now have a second chance, Simin and I have faith in you that you will make the most of it.

Also, I hope you like your tent that Vernal and I set up for you. Now you can have your own space! I know there isn't a lot in there so if there is anything more you need, just let me know and I will do my best to help. Anyway, I'll probably be waking you up a bit early for breakfast tomorrow, so don't stay up too late okay? Get some sleep.

Sweet dreams!

-Mari

She must have written and placed this here earlier this morning considering the context of it. I don't think Mari would have written that after seeing me almost murder a guy right in front of her. In fact she's probably taking back everything she's said in that note right now.

I let out a stressed sigh and tossed the note back onto the trunk. Normally, this note would make me feel assured or at ease, but honestly, it just makes me feel worse to the point that I borderline despise myself. Mari, the only person here who I feel I can trust and am comfortable with is probably afraid of me or even hates me too… and I wouldn't blame her one bit. I'd hate me too if I saw that and now I probably just drove her away.

I let out another stressed, even longer sigh.

I then picked up my knife and held it into the moonlight that shone through the gap in the flaps of my tent as I took a good, long look at it. I could see my image being reflected by the gleaming blade due to the illumination of the pale moonlight in the clear sky. It was almost as if I was holding a mirror shard in my hand. The face staring back at me-the look in his eyes- he looks… tired. He looks pained. Not physical pain though, but anguish. Is this reflection really me? I can't even tell anymore.

I wish Vernal had just pulled the trigger right then and there. But I guess for now, I'll have to settle for the next best thing: sleep.

I slowly climb into my sleeping bag in a way that probably looked as if I had just completely exhausted myself from an intense workout. It feels very comfortable and soft to the touch, especially considering I've been sleeping on the literal ground for the past month or so. It's warmth also feels very nice- almost comforting- as if I am being held in a motherly embrace. Ironic that I say that considering if my mother saw me now, she'd probably do the opposite of embrace me. I am nothing like the person she wanted me to be- maybe even the complete opposite- given the things I've done and who I'm becoming. Would she even still consider me her son? I doubt it. I'm no longer that innocent child she once knew who would sit on her lap as we fed the ducks at the fountain in Dorado. I'm not the person she died protecting. Would she be able to even look at me, knowing what I did? On second thought, maybe it's a good thing Vernal didn't shoot me. I don't think I'd be able to face my mother (or my father either) after all that's happened.

I then sink my body deeper and deeper into my soft, warm cocoon before I rest my head on my pillow and close my eyes. Though it took a while, I did finally manage to fall asleep.

. . .

Next thing you know, as I opened my eyes, I suddenly found myself standing in a pitch black forest, too dark for me to see. From the looks of it, I was sitting in some kind of wooded area. The sudden drastic change in environment left me very confused and disoriented as I didn't know exactly what to do at the current moment. I frantically looked around for a direction I should go in, but everywhere I turned looked the same as the last: trees and darkness. However, snapping me out of my slight panic, I could hear the faint sounds of rolling waves in the distance. I don't know why, but I felt compelled to follow the noise. It was almost as if they were guiding me toward the path I should take.

I begin heading toward the sound of the waves as my eyes slowly started to adjust to the darkness that surrounded me. The atmosphere felt almost surreal. Aside from the waves in the distance, the forest itself was dead silent and completely devoid of life, not including the vegetation. There wasn't even a cricket chirping or slight breeze. Just dead silence.

As I continued walking, I noticed that there was something in the distance on the ground poking out from behind a tree. I initially thought it was a strange log of some sort, but as I continued to move forward, I instantly felt a chill when I realized the "log" I was approaching was actually a dead body. It was too dark for me to determine who it was or what gender they were, but it was, without a doubt, a human corpse. I avert my eyes, not wanting to look at the body for much longer, as I picked up my pace. But as soon as I passed the body, I heard a faint voice coming from the direction of the once living human quietly whisper in my ear:

"Killer."

Upon hearing that, I sharply turned my head in the direction of the body, thinking that the person may still be alive, but was only met with the sight of what was still a dead corpse.

"That was strange… and incredibly unsettling." I thought.

I continued to step forward, but I caught myself stopping again as I felt something appear on my hand as soon as I fully passed the body. I look down on my hand and realize that it was a drop of blood.

"Why is there blood on my hand and how did it get there? It didn't fall judging from the shape of the drop and there is no cut. It looks like it just… appeared there out of nowhere."

I tried to see if I could wipe the blood as I resumed walking toward the waves, but it wouldn't come off. It just maintained its position and shape. Not long after, I would come across two more bodies and as soon as I passed them, I heard two more voices whisper in my ear:

"Butcher."

"Murderer."

And as I walked by those two as well, in the blink of an eye, two more drops of blood appeared on hands.

At that point, I was now rushing my way to the waves and my pace increased even more. Soon, I would come across more and more bodies lying in front of me in the forest as they increased in numbers and in frequency. For every body I passed, there was another horrible word whispered in my ear as another drop of blood would appear on my hands. My pace gradually quickened to running and the faster I ran, the louder the voices got to the point that it became almost unbearable as I covered my ears while sprinting the rest of the way, no longer trying or paying attention to the blood.

"Killer!"

"Butcher!"

"Murderer!"

"Monster!"

"Demon!"

These were the words that my eardrums were being bombarded by as I charged my way through the forest of bodies. There were so many corpses, I was starting to have trouble seeing the ground as some of them were even piled on top of each other. Eventually, I was able to see the moon shining through the trees, a clear indicator that I was about to make it out and escape this, and I completely booked it and sprinted as hard as my body would let me as I stumbled onto the beach and stopped to catch my breath as I hunched over and put my hands on my knees, the voices now completely mute. But as I did, I noticed there was more blood on my hands. I brought them up and held them in front of my face and, thanks to the bright moonlight, I realized that I had so much blood on my hands, it looked like I was wearing a pair of crimson gloves.

"There's so much blood on my hands! I need to get it off somehow. Maybe I can wash the blood off in the water?"

As I started heading toward the water, the moonlight was suddenly blocked by a large cloud, thrusting the beach and myself into darkness. However, I was still able to tell where I was going as I listened to the volume of the waves to see if I was getting closer or not, almost like a game of hot and cold. As the sound of crashing waves got louder, I was able to tell I was heading in the right direction. As soon I heard a faint slapping sound under my feet as the ground squashed beneath me, I realized I had made it to the water and picked up my pace, confident in my direction.

I stopped when I was about thigh deep in the water and proceeded to scrub my arms in the water to get the blood off my hands. As I was washing my hands clean in the pitch black, the large cloud that blocked the moon moved out of the way and I was able to see again. But something was very different when the moon and the stars reappeared. During the time the cloud blocked it, the moon had become a blood moon. I would have just chalked it up to some lunar eclipse and brushed it off, but the unsettling part was that just like the moon, the stars in the sky were red as well. It felt so uncanny just looking around in the sky and seeing these bright red orbs in the sky along with the blood moon glaring down at me.

I moved my attention back to my hands as I pulled them out of the water. As I pulled my hands out to get a look at them, I was shocked as I saw that I had made no progress. The blood was still there. I immediately plunged my hands back into the water and scrubbed frantically and intensely, constantly pulling them out to check, but the blood was still there! It wouldn't come off! I could scrub the blood off my hands no matter how hard I tried! Eventually, I just gave up as I left my hands in the water and just stared down at the red stars reflecting off the surface with a defeated expression.

"Why won't it come off?" I thought to myself as my mind raced.

As I started to get lost in thought, I was suddenly snapped back into reality by what looked for a split second like two of the stars directly below me flickered.

"What the?"

To make sure I wasn't seeing things, I focused my gaze exactly where I thought I saw the two stars blink, right below me. As I looked intently, I couldn't help but notice my reflection in the water. Due to where the moon was in the sky and how I was positioned, my reflection was just a black silhouette below me speckled with red dots all over it due to the stars in the sky.

Suddenly, my heart skipped a beat as two of the red dots positioned at the head of my dark reflection blinked as I quickly realized that wasn't a reflection I was looking at. I immediately tried to move away the moment I realized the danger I was in, but I wasn't fast enough as whatever was in the water lunged and grabbed me by my neck pulled me under the surface with it. I tried reaching for my weapons to get the thing off of me so I can escape, but I realized that they weren't on me. I reached for the next best thing, which was luckily on me, and drew mom's knife as I started stabbing away at the arms of the thing until it released. Eventually, the grip loosened and I was able to slip out as I trudged and pushed through the water to get back to shore to escape it. I hadn't even gotten a good look at what was chasing me, but I could hear it pushing through the water just a few yards behind me. I couldn't afford to slow down because I knew I was just beyond and arm's length away from the thing.

"Oh my gods!" I thought through my rushing mind. "I was standing above a grimm this entire time! How long was it there? How long were we staring each other face to face!?"

Eventually, I make it to shore and start running as I sneak a glance behind me to get a look at what the grimm pursuing me looked like. What I saw completely rattled me and stopped me in my tracks. It was me! But at the same time... it wasn't me. It had my shape, my height, my facial features, everything! It was like a grimm version of me complete with piercing red eyes.

I don't know why, but I felt so... helpless as it approached me as I simply just stood there, similar to how I was frozen in fear in the corner when my mom was torn to shreds or when I encountered the slit-mouth in Oniyuri. Just the sight of it felt overpowering as my demonic doppelganger closed the distance between us. The entire time as it stepped closer to me, it hadn't made a single sound.

Realizing I still had my knife tightly gripped in my hand, I built up the courage to fight back. I raised the knife and rushed the thing as I tackled it to the ground as it seemingly put no resistance while I repeatedly plunged the knife into its chest in a frantic spree of stabs. The whole time, it hadn't moved or reacted as it just allowed me to completely unleash on it. As soon as I felt I killed it, I immediately got up and turned around. But as soon as I did so, I was shocked and frozen to see the thing right in front of me again, staring me down.

"I… I killed you!" I shouted at the thing in anger and fear.

I quickly turned around where I thought I killed it and was only met with an empty spot with an imprint in the sand where it was laying. I rushed the thing to stab it again, but it simply caught my hand as it leaned its face close to mine and simply shook its head at me before shoving me back as I landed on my rear trying to scramble away.

"I have nowhere to run!" I thought. "This thing isn't going to leave me alone and I can't escape it! I'm not letting myself get killed by a grimm! I refuse to be killed by the same monsters that killed her!"

"I won't let you have me! You can't have me!" I shouted with much fear and desperation in my voice.

As soon as I said that, I held the knife out and pointed the blade at me.

"You can't have me!"

Just before I drove the blade into my chest, the grimm lunged at me with tremendous speed as it wrestled the knife out of my hands before tossing it away and shaking its head at me again. I immediately went for the knife again, but the creature pounced on me and grabbed me by the ankles as it started dragging me toward the water as I vainly tried to reach for the knife. I desperately dug my nails into the sand hoping that would help, but it was a foolish attempt as it was too loose and shifty, causing my fingers to just leave marks in the sand as it simply just raked through the grains.

Eventually I could feel the ground getting more damp, which was a sign that we were getting close to the water. In a last ditch effort, I grab some of the wet sand and hurl it into the grimm's eyes as it briefly lets go. But before I could even get up to get enough distance, the thing pounced on me as it tried to securely wrap its arms around me to fully restrain me. I tried everything I could to get away. I scratched, I kicked, I punched, I bit, I clawed. I tried just about everything in the book I could physically do. But it was all in vain as it eventually restrained me and picked me up and started carrying me to the water. I hopelessly tried to squirm free as my heart started to race as the water got higher and higher with each step it took.

As the water rose, I did something I never thought I would do with a grimm: I begged for my life.

"Stop! Please! Let me go! Please! I'll drown! I don't want to die! Not like this! Not to a grimm! PLEASE! STOP! STOP! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I DON'T-"

My screams were swiftly cut off as we were both now completely submerged as my words fell on deaf ears. All I could do now was helplessly as the only thing that managed to get to the surface were the air bubbles I let out. I couldn't hear anything under the water. The deeper we got, the darker it became and any sounds slowly started to fade around me. But eventually, as my sight started to fade, there was one sound that managed to break through the silence and reach me. It was faint, but I could hear it. It was a voice. Over time, it became more and more clear for me to make out what it said:

"Come on, Simin! Get up! Please, Simin! Please wake up!"

"Wait, what? Wake up?"

. . .

"Come on, Simin! Wake up! Please wake up, Simin!"

I jolted up as I was suddenly shaken awake by somebody gasping and struggling to breathe while in a cold sweat.

"Simin are you-"

As soon as I recognized the voice as Mari's, I instantly, basically pounced on her and wrapped my arms around her as I cried into her chest. I was left in complete and total distress after what I just experienced in the realm of dreams (or nightmares is more like it). Mari was very surprised and taken aback by this as she didn't know how to respond to my sudden reaction, but she eventually gently wrapped her arms around me, one arm on the middle of my back and the other with her hand on the back of my head, as I just let the waterfall of emotions flow out of me and sobbed into her shirt.

"Shh. It's okay, Simin. I'm right here." She softly whispered as my tears started to soak the front of her shirt, making it more and more damp in the process.

I wasn't sure how long I was letting it all out, but she never let go the entire time nor did she even so much as shift her position. Eventually, I was able to compose myself a little bit as I was now taking labored breaths, trying to pull myself together. However, she still didn't let go of me yet as she still held me close and comforted me. It was so quiet that I could now hear her soft heartbeat as my ear was basically pressed against it.

"I-I'm sorry I got your shirt wet." I quietly say with a bit of a sniffle, my voice a bit muffled into her shirt.

"Don't worry about it, Simin." She simply responded.

"Why did you come here?" I asked her.

"I was woken up by a strange noise and after a couple seconds, I realized it was you. You sounded...very distressed. So I rushed over to check on you and found you tossing and turning while screaming in your sleep as if you were being tormented by something."

"Oh. I'm sorry I woke you." I don't know why, but I felt the need to apologize.

"Again: don't worry about it." She said, still holding me.

There were a few seconds of silence.

"What's wrong, Simin?" She speaks up. I pull away and look Mari in the eyes as I answer her question with one of my own.

"I… I-I don't know. I don't know, Mari. I don't know what's wrong with me." I answer back in a quiet, shaky voice.

"Hm." Mari says to herself as she looks down and to the side as if she's thinking of something. Her face suddenly lights up as if she's come up with an idea. "Come with me."

"Wh-what?" I ask, not knowing what's up her sleeve.

"Come on. It's okay. Trust me." She says in the most reassuring tone possible as she gets up and holds out her hand to me.

After some consideration, I ultimately put my trust in her and reach out and take it as she pulls me to my feet. As I got up, I noticed that she still hadn't let go of my hand as she then started to lead me out of my tent.

"Where are we going?" I ask, a bit unsure of what she is planning.

"Don't worry, Simin. We're just going to go for a walk is all if that's okay." She says, still maintaining her soft, reassuring voice.

"Okay." I mutter as I let her lead me through the camp.

Eventually, we ended up stopping at a nearby watchtower.

"Psst! Hey Jeremiah!" Mari loudly whispered from the bottom of the ladder. "Jerry, are you awake?"

"Huh? Mari is that you?" I hear a voice from the top of the tower call out.

"Yeah it's me." Mari answers back.

"Alright, come on up." The voice calls.

"Alright, Simin. Do you think you can climb?" Mari asks as she gets down on one knee to level with me.

I simply nod in return. Though my injuries still hurt a bit, I think I should be able to make it to the top.

"Alright. You go first, okay? I'll be right behind you." She says.

I then place one hand on the rung of the ladder and then raise my leg to plant my foot on another rung. I then slowly ascend as I gradually pick up my rhythm all the way to the top. I eventually reach the top of the watch tower with Mari soon following suit. At the top stood a tall, dark skinned man. Average build. A little bit of stubble on his face.

"Hey, Mari. How've you been?" The man asked as he brought the ladder up and started to lower it on the other side of the wall, outside the camp.

"I'm doing well, Jerry. Thank you. How are you?" Mari answered. The way she talked to him was very casual, almost like they've been friends for years or were close acquaintances.

"Doing alright. Thanks for asking." He answered. "So, you taking the new kid with you, I take it?" He asked, continuing the conversation while I awkwardly stood there, completely mute.

"Yeah. He had a nightmare and something is bothering him. So I'm going to take him for a little walk." She says, gesturing to me.

"Ah. I see. What's your name, kid?" Jeremiah asks, turning his attention to me, slightly crouching down.

"S-Simin." I answer, voice shaky from the dream that has left me rattled.

"Well nice to meet you, Simin. I'm Jeremiah. People here call me 'Jerry'." He introduces himself to me.

"Except for Sophia, who calls him 'Remy'." Mari chimed in to which Jeremiah just chuckled to himself before sticking his hand out to me. I stared for a bit before weakly grasping it as he gives it a slight squeeze and a shake before letting go and turning his attention back to Mari.

"He's a bit of a shy one, isn't he?" Jeremiah comments.

"Yeah, a little bit. So anyway, do you have the basket, Jerry?" Mari asks, getting to what I assume to be the chase.

"You know I always have it ready for you, Mari." He answered with a laugh. "Here you go."

Jeremiah, then walks to a corner in the watchtower and fetches a basket with a cloth covering it that sat next to a rifle leaning on the wall. He then walked back over and handed the basket to Mari.

"Thank you, Jerry." Mari replies.

"Anytime, Mari. Now you be safe you two. Got it?"

"We will." Mari replies before turning her attention to me. "Alright, Simin. I'm going to climb down first and you go right after me okay?"

I nod in response.

Mari then climbs over the wall and gradually descends the ladder, her basket hooked around her elbow. I then follow suit, careful not to lose my footing or my grip so I don't accidentally fall. Eventually I make it to the bottom as Mari greets me.

"Are you ready to go?" She asks.

"Y-yes. I think so." I reply.

"Alright then come on." She speaks as she holds out her hand again.

I then take her soft, warm hand in mine as she leads me through the cold, dark forest. Judging from the pace we were walking and the lack of change in direction, she knew exactly where she was taking me as we moved with a purpose.

"So yeah, that's Jeremiah." Mari speaks up. "He's the night watchman for that tower and also covers for me whenever I sneak out to do stuff like this. During the day, he mainly assists in preparing lunch and dinner as well as serving it. He's honestly a very compassionate and understanding guy even though he does take his duties pretty seriously. Due to him mainly working food duty, he's basically the 'unofficial head chef' of the camp. So during lunch and dinner hours, we call him 'Chef Jerry' or in Sophia's case, she'll call him 'Chef Remi'. So… what do you think of him?"

"He's… surprisingly nice for a bandit." I quietly say.

"Yeah, I know right?" Sophia says in agreeance. "He's one of the last people you'd picture holding a gun." She slightly chuckles.

Just then, a slight breeze began to blow through and instantly filled me with chills due to the large gaping hole in my shirt from the fight. All I really had to keep me warm was the bandages that wrapped around my torso. My instant reaction, without thinking, was to basically hug Mari's arm for any extra warmth, which almost caused her to stumble.

"Cold?" Mari asks with an empathetic smile, looking down to me as we stopped in our tracks.

"Mhm." I say with a slight shiver.

"Here. Take this." Mari then proceeded to place the basket on the ground as she then removed her jacket and draped it over my shoulders.

"But what about-"

"Don't worry about me, Simin." Mari dismisses my concerns. "The cold isn't a concern to me. Just stay warm for me, alright?"

"O-okay." I say as we resume our walk.

After some time, I began to wonder when we were getting to our destination.

"Hey Mari. When are we going to get to where we're going?" I ask.

"We actually just arrived. Look." Mari then points in the distance and I can see a faint glow as well as a cluster of small yellowish green lights flickering and moving about.

We begin to pick up pace and we came upon a small clearing. There was a small, clear pond or pool of sorts with various kinds of animals both water bound and amphibious moving about. The fireflies also began to move around more as their flickering got more excited, almost like they had been waiting for us and were acknowledging our arrival. Beside the pond, there sat a large willow tree that hung over the pond as its streamer-like appendages barely touched the surface of the water. Due to the clear night sky, it was almost as if the moon was shining a spotlight on this place as it was the only place that was lit as the moon perfectly reflected a mirrored image off the surface.

"So what do you think, Simin? It's beautiful isn't it?" Mari asked in a calm tone as she gestured to the surrounding area.

"Yeah." I say, completely immersed in the environment. "It's really nice."

It kinda reminds me of the fountain at La Estrella Marketplace back at home.

"I always loved this place." Mari continues. "Whenever I'm just under a lot of stress or have a lot on my mind or am just having a bad day, I will come here and just… take it all in. It helps clear my head and makes me more composed. It's... soothing, you know?" Mari then removes her shoes as she takes a seat under the willow tree and wades her feet in the cool water, rolling up her leggings past her knees as she did so so they wouldn't get soaked in the process.

"Yeah. I know what you mean." I say back.

"Come on. Come join me." Mari invited, patting the ground beside her.

"W-what?" I stammer as the memory of my dream returns.

"Come join me, Simin." She gestures for me to come over.

"I-I'd rather stay over here away from the water if that's okay." I say as I back up to the base of the tree.

"Is something wrong, Simin?" She asked me as her voice had a hint of concern in it.

"I just don't want to go near the water is all." I answer her.

"What's wrong with the water?" She asks me.

"You have nothing to worry about, Simin." She tries to reassure me as she gets up and walks toward me and kneels down to my level. Nothing is going to jump out of the water to get you, okay? And even in case of the off chance something does, I won't let it get you. Okay? That's a promise."

"O-okay." I hesitantly responded. "I'll hold you to that."

In response, Mari let out a giggle and guided me as I walked with her toward the water as she retook her spot. I then remove my shoes and take a seat next to her as I join her and dip my feet in as well, her soft, warm jacket still lightly sitting on my shoulders.

After getting seated, I look in the reflection of the small pond and examine it. It's completely normal. Just me. No red eyes. No dark, shadowy body. Just my normal reflection. In response to this, I let out a mental sigh of relief as I go back to examining my reflection.

I really do have my mother's looks. People always did say I looked more related to her than I did to my dad.

"Here." Mari says, as she reaches into her basket, slightly snapping me out of it.

"What Is she reaching for?"

As Mari turned back to me with the object in her hand, a sudden feeling of nostalgia hit me like a truck as I stared down blankly at the object sitting in her hand: a loaf of bread.

"Is something wrong, Simin?" Mari asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder and leaning her head down to make sure I was okay.

"Uh… n-no. No. Thank you, Mari." I say as I snap out of it and take the loaf from her hand.

"Are you sure? You can tell me if something's wrong." Mari asks, looking at me quizzically.

"Y-yeah. It's… it's just that I haven't done this in a while is all- especially with company." I then start picking off pieces of the bread and toss it into the pool as the fish inside would swim up and gobble it down.

"Oh really?" Mari says as we were now conversing while pulling apart our pieces of bread.

"Yeah. Back at home, there used to be this beautiful fountain with a star statue that would glow in the moonlight. Whenever I had a nightmare or if I just couldn't sleep, I would sneak out and go over to feed the animals there." I answer.

"Oh. That sounds really nice. I guess that means we have similar hobbies then."

For a few minutes, Mari and I sat in silence as we picked our pieces of bread apart and tossed them in while listening to the crickets chirp in the background as well as the occasional croak of a frog. It wasn't much longer until the environment was able to help me compose myself enough to get my thoughts out in regards to what is bothering me. Eventually, I spoke up.

"Mari, what am I?" I ask as if she actually had the answer to my question.

"I'm… not sure I know what you mean, Simin? What do you mean exactly?" Mari asks, not quite following.

"Am I a monster? Am I just some cold-blooded killer whose nature it is to take lives?"

Mari responds with a slight sigh as if she wasn't exactly sure how to answer before she began speaking.

"To be honest, Simin, it's not my place to answer that. That is usually something for you to decide. But however, I will say this: when I look at you and interact with you, I see a good person in a bad place. And when I say 'bad place', I don't mean physically, but mentally." She says as she taps the side of my head with her finger. "You're a good kid, Simin. I know it. But you are also someone who is suffering and dealing with your own personal demons. You had everything held dear to you stripped away by a cruel and merciless world and you were forced to fend for yourself. You've been through a lot and were pushed to your breaking point. So in my opinion, you are not a killer and you are certainly no monster. You are someone who has been through and is still going through a lot. But what you need is to figure out how to cope with it and put it behind you."

Another few moments of silence pass until I decide to speak up again.

"Mari,..." I say looking at the moonlight shining off the surface of the pool. "...before I came here, when I was still out there in the wilderness, before I started heading to Kuroyuri, my original destination was a rising village named Oniyuri. But when I got there, the town was completely abandoned. Not a single living soul. I and Bruno eventually ended up having a run-in with a beowolf. I was absolutely terrified, but I ended up beating it (with a bit of help from Bruno).

"When the beowolf was on the ground about to die, before I finished it off, I crouched down and coldly looked it dead in the eyes just inches away from its face before reaching into its mouth and shooting it. At first, I thought I was conquering my fears and demons and putting them behind me. But now that I look back at it, maybe I wasn't actually conquering my demons. Maybe I was just starting to take their place and becoming what I hated: a monster just like the grimm. When I took down that beowolf, I think I may have ended up taking what was left of myself down with it."

"Simin, stop! Don't talk like that!" Mari said firmly.

"How could I not, Mari?!" I exclaim. "You saw what happened in that fight! You were there! You saw everything!"

"Simin, what I saw was you defending yourself."

"Yeah, until I wasn't anymore." I added.

Upon saying that, there was a couple seconds of silence.

"Simin,..." Mari said as she was the first to resume the conversation. "...were you going to kill that man back there?"

I could only stay silent, reluctant to respond.

"Simin... answer me please." Mari said, placing her hand on my shoulder, maintaining her comforting tone.

I eventually gave in and took a deep breath before answering her.

"I wanted to, to be honest." I responded. "And I was going to… until you stopped me that is. When you grabbed my wrist, you snapped me out of it. But as soon as I was aware of what I almost did, it felt as if my mind and body were at odds with each other- like a civil war being waged inside of me with me as the battleground."

"Well I'm glad you didn't. Because if you did, we'd probably be singing a different song right now if you even lived long enough considering Vernal would have shot you on the spot. She was actually about to shoot you as you started approaching him with the knife. I stopped her before she did it and told her to let me handle it, which she did. I tried calling out your name to get your attention, but you weren't listening. It wasn't until I grabbed your wrist that you started to relax a bit. If I hadn't stopped you when I did, you would be dead."

"Mari, why do you still do this for me? Why are you still here?" I struggle to ask her. "I've murdered six of your own! I hit you in the head with a rock! I've attacked your character! I almost murdered another one of your own right in front of you! But you're still here! Despite what I've done and what I've tried to do, you haven't left! Why do you keep trying with me?!"

"Simin,..." She spoke up. "...I've said it before and I will say it again: I'm not giving up on you no matter what. I'm going to help you, Simin, and I'm going to be here for you. I will save you from whatever it is that's plaguing you, even if it means I have to save you from yourself."

"But Mari, I've crossed a line that there's no coming back from. What is there left to save? I'm starting to think I shouldn't have gotten a second chance."

"Simin!" Mari firmly spoke up as I immediately quieted down.

Mari then placed both hands on each side of my head and gently moved my gaze to meet hers as I was now looking at her square in her emerald eyes and placed her hands on my shoulders.

"Sorry to raise my voice at you, but listen closely to what I'm about to say, okay? What's done is done. You can't change what you did in the past. So instead of lingering in it, learn from it. Grow from it. Don't let it control you and don't let it define who you are. The person you are today and the person you will be tomorrow doesn't have to be the same person you were yesterday. Don't let the person you were yesterday hold back the person you are today or you end up hurting the person you will be tomorrow. Don't let your past become your anchor. Yes, Simin, what you've done is something that can never be undone as there is no going back from it. But you still have your humanity. You have the power to let it stop there and leave it behind and move forward. I know it. But what matters is do you think you have what it takes to move on and grow?" Mari looked at me patiently waiting for my answer.

How can this girl be so… compassionate toward someone like me after knowing the things I've done. She almost saw me do it again tonight and she still continues to treat me with the same kindness she treated me with from when we first interacted a few nights ago. She should despise me for what I've done, but she doesn't. She's expressed concern for me. She's comforted me. She doesn't even seem afraid or hateful of me one bit. She's still here. Why? Why would she show me this kindness? I don't deserve any of it, but here she is, treating me like an actual human being instead of the monster that I believed myself to be turning into.

"I… I don't know." I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?"

"I said I don't know." I repeated more audibly, my voice slightly breaking.

"Simin." Mari said with a sigh. "These are questions you need to answer for yourself. I can't answer them for you. 'I don't know' isn't going to cut it. 'Yes' or 'no'? There is no in between with this. So again: do you think you have what it takes to move on and grow? Do you think you have what it takes to hold onto your humanity?"

Deep down, I felt like I knew I had my answer, but I wasn't sure if I had any right to say it. But eventually, I did pull it out of me:

"I… I think so. Yes."

"That's better." Mari responded with a smile and pulled me into a quick hug. "Don't let yourself become your own worst enemy, Simin, okay?"

There's those words again. The last time I heard those words was with the last talk I had with my father (even though he did all the talking). Immediately thinking back to that night, I sort of instinctively leaned my head on her shoulder just like I did with my father that night as we both gazed down at the moon's reflection, shining it's pale face down on us. Mari responded by putting her hand on my back and rubbed it as a way of consoling me.

"But… I don't know if I'm right to think that." I spoke up again after a few moments of silence between us two.

"Well all I can really say to that, Simin, is you will know sooner or later. There are some questions that only time holds the true answers to."

"Yeah. I guess you're right… Only time will tell."

We then sat there for a bit with another brief period of silence. After a couple minutes of us just taking in the moonlight, another subject began to fill my mind.

"Mari?"

"Hm?" Mari responded.

"Do you think Raven is right?"

"About what?" She asks.

"Raven told me this morning about how it is a cruel and merciless world out there. And a few minutes ago, you said the same thing and called the world cruel and merciless as well. Raven told me that the only way to survive in a cruel and merciless world is to be just as cruel and merciless and that there was no room for things like mercy, kindness, and compassion. That makes me wonder. Do you think she's right? I just want to know what your stance is on it."

Mari, in response to my question, looked away as if she was thinking about how she was going to phrase her answer.

"Though Raven and I have similar views of the world and how it works, it is the only thing we really have in common. Her way of going about it and handling it isn't one that I particularly agree with. And it looks like she's already made known to you her 'any means necessary'/'survival of the fittest' mind set. Her heart is in the right place, but her mentality isn't. Raven, at the end of the day, just wants to live and protect those she deems most important to her. Take the tribe for example. I've never met someone more dedicated to a group of people who is willing to go to any lengths to preserve their well being than her. I would say it's almost admirable, but I just wish that she didn't do it in a way that it comes at the expense of others. Like I said, her heart is in the right place. I'm sure of it, but… I don't believe cruelty and mercilessness is the way to go about it."

"Then what do you think is the way to go about it?" I ask curiously.

"I know this might sound cliché, but personally, I believe just remaining strong and pushing through hard times in a way that doesn't result in the suffering of others is how to go about a world like this. 'Live by example' is my motto. Show people what it means to be a decent person. We can't lose sight of what connects us all. We can't lose sight of our humanity. But at some point down the line, that is what ended up happening. If we could just see ourselves for what we really are, then maybe we can start working toward something better.

"Yes, the world is a cruel and unforgiving one, but it isn't the constant chaotic warzone Raven makes it out to be where the only way to survive is to murder anyone in our path to be the last one standing and crush anyone to stay standing. We shouldn't just treat it like it's some dog eat dog warzone. That type of mentality will only create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Is it a perfect world? No. Far from it. But I feel like people don't have to suffer or die in order for others to get their way. Just because no one is there or strong enough to stop you doesn't mean you should start doing it. Raven sees strength in a cruel and merciless world as surviving by any means necessary. I see strength in a cruel and merciless world as enduring whatever the world throws at us and never giving up and pushing through the hard times to get to the better times while never losing sight of who you are. Yes, the world is cruel, but mentalities and methods like Raven's will only contribute to keeping it that way. I know it's not that simple or easy, but in a world like this, what is?"

"I see."

I sit in silence for a bit and contemplate Mari's words to myself as we resume picking our bread apart and feeding the fish. Eventually, finishing our bread picking, Mari would speak up again.

"Well…" She says as she stands up and puts her shoes back on. "I think we should call it a night here."

"Wait, Mari. Can I ask you something?" I ask her as I put my shoes back on as well.

"What is it, Simin?" Mari acknowledges.

"Do you think… we could maybe do this more often? You know just come out here and just talk and feed the fish?"

"Yeah, of course." Mari agrees. "Whenever you're feeling stressed or have another nightmare or if you just need to talk, just let me know and we'll come out here and we can do this again. Okay?"

"Okay."

Mari then reaches her hand out again as I grab it and she leads me back to camp.

. . .

"Thanks again, Jerry." Mari waves from the bottom of the ladder as Jeremiah let us back into camp the same way we had exited.

"Anytime, Mari." He answers back.

"Well, I'm going to go back to bed now." Mari says with a yawn as she stretches her arms. "You can keep my jacket for tonight to keep yourself warm. If you need me, I'm just a couple tents down from yours, okay?"

"Um Mari?" I ask with a hint of shyness and embarrassment in my voice.

"Yes, Simin?"

"I hope it's not weird for me to ask, but is it okay if I sleep with you tonight?" My cheeks instantly grew red from embarrassment upon making this request. "It's just that after that nightmare, I just don't feel comfortable sleeping by myself tonight and I don't want to be alone."

As I waited for an answer, I hear Mari giggle a bit.

"What's so funny?" I ask, worried she might say no.

"Sorry. I'm laughing at myself, not you. It's just that after all you've been through, I sometimes forget that you're still a kid at the end of the day."

"So does that mean…"

"Come on, Simin." She says warmly and gently as she gestures to me to come over, stretching out her arm with an open hand at the end.

I approach Mari and take it as I let her lead me to her tent. When we were about to reach her tent I began to think about earlier.

"Mari?"

"Yes, Simin?"

"After I ran off, what happened?" I ask her, curious to know what happened after the fight.

"Well let's see." Mari says, crossing one arm across her body and holding her other hand under her cheek. "The guy you knocked out did eventually wake up not remembering a thing (either because he was drunk out of his mind or because you gave him amnesia), but he did have a broken nose, a concussion, a few missing teeth, some cuts on his face and arm from the bottle, and a black eye. Even if he did remember what happened, I doubt he would be bothering you again. He was so confused when he woke up, he was asking around what had happened. I made up a story to him saying that he got drunk and challenged Vernal to a fight and lost horribly. As for Vernal, I also tried to convince her not to report what happened to Raven. She wasn't having it, but I did manage to come up with a compromise that worked for her. She will still report what happened to Raven, but will not mention you by name or even refer to you in any way."

"Do you think she'll stay faithful to that?" I ask a bit worried.

"Don't worry, Simin. She'll keep her word. I know she will. She's not the deceitful type." Mari reassured me.

During our conversation, we eventually reach Mari's tent. On the inside, it was a bit dark for me to see, but I could see that there was a large cot with a sheet over it and a large, thick blanket and two fluffy pillows. It looked so comfortable. Like I could just pass out the second I laid down on it. It's been a long time since I've slept on an actual bed (or anything akin to one).

"Hey Mari?" I say looking up at her.

"Yes?"

"Is there any way to repair my shirt? I got a huge hole in it from the fight."

"I can give it to Sophia to repair it." She suggested.

"Oh. Okay." I say as I remove my shoes again to climb onto the cot and under the warm blanket and lay on my stomach. Mari then walks to the other side of the cot and lifts the blanket to climb in as she does the same.

"Thank you, Mari." I say aloud after a few moments of silence. "Thank you for everything."

"Anytime, Simin." She answers with a sleepy voice. "I'm always here if you need me so if something is bothering you or worrying you and you just need to talk or anything, I'm here."

"Now that you mention it, there is one thing." I speak up

"What is it?"

"Should I be worried?" I ask vaguely.

"Don't worry. Vernal won't rat you out." Mari assures me, assuming what I was referring to.

"No, not that. About Sophia repairing my shirt." I clarify

"Oh. Don't worry. She's actually a pretty good seamstress. She's also pretty good at giving haircuts as well. But anyway, you have nothing to worry about." She assures me again.

Sophia's one I feel a bit uneasy about, but if Mari says she can do it, then I'll take her word for it.

"Also Mari, one last thing…"

"Yes, Simin? What is it?"

"You can call me Sim."

**CHAPTER END**

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Hey, everyone!

I want to start this off with a brief announcement of sorts. In three days, classes are going to be resuming for me, which means I'm not entirely sure if I will be completely able to post every other Friday like I usually do (even though the last chapter was about two days late or something). I will try to maintain my normal posting schedule, but I can't make any promises if the workload starts to get in the way too much since that has to come first. I will still be posting chapters regardless, but as for when I post all depends on how busy I am. Worst case scenario, I will simply just go on hiatus and start posting again once the semester is over. But I don't think it will come to that.

I also wanted to give you a quick update on where I am with revising. I'm still currently revising chapter 19 and I'm about 1/3 of the way through. The whole chapter is pretty much one big fight scene and is one of the biggest chapters in this volume. It's slightly shorter than chapter 11, but I have a feeling it might be longer by the time the editing for it is complete. And then there is chapter 20, which might be around the same length since that one also has a big fight scene.

Anyway, I really hope this chapter was better than the last one. We already know how I felt about chapter 11 and I think most of you would agree that it was a weak chapter. So I hope this one was an improvement from the last.

In this chapter, Simin is now finally starting to bounce back and recover from the things that had occurred throughout the first half of this volume. But his struggle isn't over yet as he is now on the road to rebuilding himself and still has more growing and learning to do with Raven essentially being a mentor figure to him and Mari being a more kind, compassionate, and nurturing character, who pretty much keeps him from going overboard and is a moral compass of sorts for him. We also learn a bit about Mari in this chapter and find out that she has clashing ideologies with Raven as the two are pretty much polar opposites. But because of the two having clashing ideologies and being polar opposites, that raises the question, "Why is Mari even a part of Raven's tribe at all if she doesn't agree with her methods and way of thinking?" Well that is a question to be answered for another time.

Also, the talk between Mari and Simin almost didn't happen at the pond like it did in the chapter. Originally, I did have it take place at the pond, but then I thought that I should save the pond for a later chapter and took it out and had their talk take place in Simin's tent. But when I went back to reread it when I was editing, I felt like having it take place at the pond would have actually been better, so I moved it back to what I originally had at the last second.

Anyway, with that said, we are officially done with Act 3 and we are now moving onto Act 4, which is the shortest act in the whole volume as it is only 3 chapters long. Act 4 will take place after a three month time skip and will pretty much be about Raven teaching Simin a tough lesson regarding her ideologies and viewpoints. We will also be getting Raven's backstory (one that I made up) as well as an answer in regards to the other reason why Raven saved Simin from death. So in other words, the purpose of this act is to give development between Raven and Simin.

Lastly, even though I said, that no other Team SLVR members appear in Volume 1, Act 4 has a heavy tie-in with the backstory of one of the Team SLVR members. But even though this act will have a heavy tie-in with a future SLVR member, I should let you know that they will not make any physical appearances, but they will get a name drop and a "cameo" of sorts through a drawing. I won't say which member it's going to be, but I will give a vague and subtle hint on who it might be (because I don't want to make it too obvious): December 29th.

Anyway, after giving that hint, I will leave you with fun fact #12:

Fun Fact #12: The dream sequence in this chapter was originally completely different from what I had here and was much, much more trippy. When I was editing the chapter for posting, I decided to completely scrap the original dream sequence and just replace it with the completely different