Before we start, I just want everyone to know that there is a poll on my account page right now that will close at the end of this month, January 31st at 11:59 P.M. I talk a bit more about it in the underlined section of the author's notes at the end of this chapter if you are interested to know more.
Volume I: Chapter XV: Clashing Tides:
"She...she killed him…" These were the first words to enter my head moments after Chatareus' body hit the snowy soil. "She just sliced his head off right in front of me... as if I weren't even standing there just then to see it all…"
I could feel my heart begin to pound at the sight of his body as the snow around him grew redder and redder with every second that passed. I wanted to look away, but I felt almost frozen as the sight sent me back to the day I first met Raven. It wasn't until I heard the sound of crunching snow and saw Raven's shadow overtake me as she stood in front of me to block the view that I was somewhat brought back to reality.
"Did he hurt you?" She spoke with monotony.
"Wh-what…?" I stammer as I quickly blink twice to fully return myself to the real world.
"I said did he hurt you?" Raven repeated.
"N-no…" I answered with a hollow tone as I shook my head.
"Good… Now next time when I say to 'pull the trigger', YOU PULL THE DAMN TRIGGER!"
Raven's sudden outburst had startled me as this was the first time I had ever heard her yell at me. Raven's voice raised without warning loud enough you could hear the echo at least three times, the voice getting fainter as it traveled. I involuntarily winced in response due to getting startled as I was anticipating a disciplinary backhand to the cheek or a boot to the gut or something. I didn't even know she could get this angry. I've always seen her calm, cool, and collected, so this is a side I've never seen before. I really pissed her off this time.
As I anticipated Raven to deal me a heavy blow, I almost instinctively activated my aura as I was waiting for her to hit me. But to my surprise, she never did. Instead, all I felt was pressure on my shoulder. I could feel Raven squeezing my shoulder, but it didn't feel like she was trying to hurt me, but rather she was being firm and trying to get through to me.
"Look at me." Raven commanded, her voice back to it's normal tone, but retaining the forcefulness and authority.
I slowly opened my eyes and looked back up as her expression seemed slightly irritated as if she was in the process of cooling down.
"Why couldn't you do it? Why did you hesitate?" She asked quietly as if we were having a private conversation she didn't want anyone else to hear.
I struggled to speak up as I felt a little choked up due to the combination of being told to murder someone, having that person get decapitated in front of me, getting yelled at for not going through with the murder, and now suddenly being talked to like a parent trying to understand their kid- all in a span of at least five minutes. And being pinned under Raven's gaze wasn't helping either as it felt like her eyes were trying to burrow into my head and into my subconsciousness to find the answer herself.
"Simin, I am a bit irritated right now. So do us both a favor and answer the question. I will take literally anything over silence. Just give me something- anything." Raven said in what felt more like a demanding plea to speak rather than an encouragement.
"I… I couldn't kill him, okay?" I mutter. "I just couldn't."
"Well he was more than willing to kill you to get out of the situation he was in, in case you didn't notice." Raven responded as there was a slight hint of concern entering her voice as she recalled what had just occurred. "And the moment he put his hands on you, I decided to kill him myself. Do you now realize why you don't hesitate? The moment… the moment you hesitated… you gave him a window. And he immediately took advantage of the opening that was given to him. He could have killed you or severely injured you, you know that? That situation could have very easily gone differently."
"He- he wasn't going to kill me." I speak up a bit to clarify to her. "It was a bluff. He put the safety on before he grabbed me."
"You don't get it, Simin!" Raven raised her voice a bit as well with her response. "That's not the point I'm getting at and what you said doesn't take away from it. I don't care whether he was bluffing or not. It doesn't change the overall scenario of what happened. People can be most dangerous and unpredictable when they are backed into a corner and he didn't have to do that. As I just said, it could have very easily gone differently. But back to my point, you shouldn't have given him the chance. You should have finished it."
"Raven, I just don't understand how you can just tell me to kill someone on the spot- especially for no reason to someone who's done nothing to me- and expect me to go through with it." I challenge her.
"You say that as if you haven't done it before." Raven snapped back as she let go of my shoulder and stood up. "Should I remind you of what you did this past September? You better not have forgotten about that. I know I didn't because Mari and I had to bury them!"
Raven then stopped for a moment to reel herself back as she noticed she was growing angry thinking about what I did.
"And besides,..." She lowers her tone a bit. "I wasn't asking you to do it for no reason. There are two reasons why we came here, Simin. The first was to ensure the safety of the tribe."
"How is coming out here to kill some random teenager ensuring the safety of the tribe!? I don't understand." I ask her with an exasperated tone, completely vexed by the logic.
"I'm glad you asked." She answered without hesitation as she already knew what she was going to say the moment I gave her my question. "Remember last night when I said that huntsmen and huntresses were the biggest threat to the tribe?"
"Y-yes…" I quietly answer with a bit of nervousness as I could feel a bit of a pit begin to grow in my stomach.
"Chatareus here was planning on becoming a huntsman and had gotten accepted into Haven academy." Raven confirmed my suspicions of what she was going to say.
"...oh…" I quietly muttered as the pit grew even bigger.
"I had an inkling he would try something like this and when I was able to confirm my suspicions, I made the decision to come out here with the intent of killing him before he could become a threat to us down the line. And that brings me to my other reason in regards to why I brought you out here and have you be the one to do it. I wanted to teach you a hard lesson and I figured this would be the opportunity to do it."
"And what lesson would that be?"
"That if you want to survive, you're going to have to do things you normally wouldn't want to do. Sometimes even things you would hate to do." Raven bluntly told me.
"You didn't seem to hate it as you brutalized him during your fight." I mumble as I was slightly challenging her words again considering how she remorselessly dismantled Chatareus.
"You say that as if I enjoyed doing what I did." Raven fired back.
The way she responded to my remark provoked a slightly bewildered expression from me as she took it as a cue to speak up again.
"Simin, be honest with me. Do you think I enjoy doing what I do? Do you think I like killing people?"
"Well you told me last night that you feel no remorse for the things you do, so I wouldn't be surprised." I quietly answered.
Raven seemed to be slightly amused by my response.
"Well I don't." She simply told me.
"What?" I say with a slightly surprised tone.
"Simin, let me tell you something someone once told me while I was at Beacon: 'sometimes necessary evils are required to achieve a greater good.' In our case, our greater good is protecting our own and keeping the tribe alive, whatever the cost may be by any means necessary. You need to understand that just like every other person on this planet, I just want to live and protect those close to me. But unlike most, I am willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that I live and protect those close to me. Everything I do is solely for the benefit of the tribe. And if the tribe's survival means I have to kill someone..." She says glancing back at Chatareus' corpse. "...then I will do it without a second thought. Regardless of where you are in this world, you're going to have to make a choice between holding onto your morals or holding onto your life. And I've already made my choice a long time ago. I will murder. I will rob. I will pillage. I will burn. I will ruin lives. I will do anything and everything within my power to keep us safe. There are no lengths I will not go to for you all. And there are no ordeals I will not put myself through if it means keeping you all alive and well. I don't care how high the pile of bodies gets so long as none of you are in it.
"And as for my lack of remorse, it does not necessarily mean I enjoy what I'm doing. I don't like having to do these things, but I also recognize that if I don't put my feelings aside and I allow them to get in the way of what it is I am doing, I'd be putting your wellbeing and possibly even your lives on the line in the long run. In life, there will be times where you are going to have to make tough choices and do things that challenge what you stand for or even challenge your very humanity. And in times like that, we cannot allow ourselves to be slowed down or even stopped because if we do, then we will never be able to move forward. We'll just end up dying where we stand and we might even be taking our loved ones down with us. And that is the burden of survival. It's a dog-eat-dog world out here and you're going to have to be strong enough both physically and mentally and be willing to cross lines you normally wouldn't imagine yourself even treading. Out here, you're not just going to have to go far, you might even have to go all the way in some cases. So do yourself a favor and get out of your own way and stop holding yourself back. Don't be your worst enemy."
There it is. That familiar sentence. The same one spoken to me by my father and again by Mari. But despite them all giving me the same message, it's come with a different meaning and nature. When my father said it, it was about not allowing myself to get defeated and disheartened so easily so I could find the determination to grow and not be held down by my setbacks and weaknesses. For Mari, it was about not allowing my past actions define me today and use my past to grow and move on while not forgetting who I am. But Raven, when she says it, it's about letting go of any and all restraints while putting other things aside so that I can grow to protect myself and my loved ones at all costs.
But given my history, these three both align in some places and clash in others. Which makes me wonder, is only one of them truly right? Or are they all both right to some degree? But if that's the case, which one is most right? They all can't be equally right, can they? I have a lot of thinking to do later.
"Your father was right, you know?" Raven continued as her mentioning my father brought me out of my thoughts.
"About what?" I speak, slightly taken aback at her mentioning my father, let alone the fact hearing someone like her saying she agrees with him.
"About the fact that there would eventually come a day where being weak would no longer be an option and how you need to be strong enough to survive and fight for the life that you want and fight for those you want to live alongside." She clarified. "Simin, what are you going to do when someone stands between you and the life you want or poses a threat to your loved ones? Are you just going to tap their shoulder and ask them nicely to step aside, or are you going to move them aside? Even if they've done nothing to you, the fact they are in your way at all is still more than enough of a reason to fight as they are still standing between you and your goal. And just because they are not an active threat doesn't mean they lack the capacity to be one. In times like that, you need to step up because there might not be a better alternative if you don't. You're going to have to fight, scratch, claw, and in extreme cases, you might even have to kill. Which is why we need to remain strong in those situations and push forward through whatever or whomever stands in the way of that goal no matter what- if not for us, then for those we value. You may disagree with or even dislike what you're doing, but remember why you're doing it. And remember who you're doing it for. Do you understand now, Simin?"
I simply just nodded my head yes.
"If you understand, then say it!" She verbally spurs me.
"Y-yes." I say a bit sheepishly.
"Are you sure you understand?" She asked, trying to get me to sound more confident.
"Yes, Raven." I say a bit better this time.
"That's better. We need to work on your confidence more when we get back. Anyway, I'm going to go search Chatareus' body for anything that might be useful. In the meantime, I want you to take this bag and take anything you think may be of use from inside that house. And be quick about it. It's already starting to snow." She says, pointing at the wooden home on top of the hill as she pulls a sack seemingly out of nowhere and handed it to me. "That bag better not be empty when you come back. Do I make myself clear?"
As soon as she said that, snowflakes started falling from the sky like a bunch of leaves in Autumn.
"O-okay." I say completely changing my tone back to my sheepish one.
On that note, I quickly strolled up to the decrepit house. It didn't look much bigger up close as it did from afar and I could see a few icicles forming on the exterior handle of the door. Getting a closer look at the place did not do it any favors as it still looked just as dilapidated as it did from down the hill. Beside the entrance, closer to one of the exterior corners of the house, there was an old, metal tub outside that I assume was used for bathing and laundry with an old clothesline hung near it as well. I hope I can find something in here. I don't like what I'm about to do, but I've already screwed up enough and I mainly don't want to risk getting yelled at again by Raven. I'm already on thin ice with her.
I place my hand around the knob of the door that was barely on its hinges and I could feel the icy cold surface through my glove as I opened the entrance as the wood and hinges whined and I step in.
. . .
As I enter the house, I am immediately overwhelmed by a very musty smell that made it a little bit difficult to breathe without getting overwhelmed.
The whole house was actually very tiny and was literally just a single room about the size of my kitchen back in Dorado. The light blue paint on the walls was almost completely peeled off, revealing the naked, worn, wood underneath. The windows also looked very dusty around the sills as it looks like they haven't been opened in years, my guess being something to do with keeping cold air from getting in or simply because they wouldn't open. I could also see that the glass was very fogged due to the cold, but there was one that sat in front of a desk beside the entrance that had a small clear circle in the center as if someone had wiped it to look through. On one side of the house, there also sat a small bed with worn sheets and pillows with dark stains on them. Lastly, on the ground near the desk, there was a turquoise rug with a strange symbol on it. I can't really describe the symbol, but it reminds of waves crashing under the moonlight for some reason.
"How can someone live in this?" I think aloud. "I might have to be even quicker in here."
Upon finishing the sentence, I immediately hear the wind pick up causing the trees around the house to loudly rustle, the shack creaking around me so loudly, I almost thought it was about to collapse. The air also immediately got colder as well, causing a chill to run up my spine and the wooden door to close right behind me with a slow creak and loud click and leaving me slightly creeped out. Anyway, I have a task to do, so I need to start taking care of it. Considering the size of the place, this shouldn't take long.
On the wall by the bed, there was a picture that appeared to be in crayon and looked as if it were drawn by someone my age- maybe a bit younger. I hopped onto the bed to examine it out of curiosity and upon closer inspection, I could see it was of four people in the form of stick figures. There were two on the top of the page, both inside a cloud, that appear to be looking down on the others with the words "mommy" and "daddy" written next to them in not so great handwriting. The other two were at the bottom, one tall and the other small, labelled by the words, "Chatareus" and "Me". The larger of the two had a patch of viridian crayon on the top of its head meant to look like hair with an object in its hand that vaguely resembled the weapon Chatareus fought Raven with while the smaller one also had viridian hair in the form of what looked like a small ponytail tied by a purple bow.
This must have been Chatareus' family. The house looks completely empty, so I wonder what happened to them. Perhaps they all passed away and Chatareus was the last one left. But on that note, I guess that's the only thing worth noting on this side of the house.
As I deemed this side of the house not very useful, I turn around and head to the opposite end where there sat a wardrobe with one door. The other door was off its hinges and lying on the wall next to it. Inside there were some clothes that were either hung on a hangar or tossed to the ground. They all varied in size ranging from what looks to be Chatareus' size to clothes that look like they could only fit a child meant for a little girl to wear. But since the clothes were very raggedy, I didn't see much use on this end of the house either so I decided to head back to the desk by the door I had noted earlier.
As I headed to the desk and stepped on the rug, I could hear wooden rattling as if I had just stepped over a hollow area. I lifted the rug up to see what was below and I found a small hatch. As I lifted up the hatch, there was another tub, similar to the one outside, loaded with shucked corn and loaves of bread.
"It'll do I guess…" I mutter to myself as I lower myself and pull out a loaf of bread and open up the sack.
But before I put the loaf of bread in, I paused as I stared at it, contemplating what I'm about to do.
"Am I really about to do this? I always had a low opinion of bandits, but here I am taking part in something that is one of the sole reasons why I have such a low view of them. On one shoulder, there's a voice saying 'Just bite the bullet and get it over with.' On the other, there is a voice that is saying, 'Don't, Simin. Just because you're one of them doesn't mean you have to be like them.' And the former has Raven's voice while the latter has Mari's voice. I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions like a rope in the middle of a game of tug o' war."
But in the end, Raven's voice won this round as my fear of angering her even more was greater than my will to stick to my guns.
"Screw it…" I utter with a heavy sigh as I give in and begin to load the corn and bread into the sack.
With each cob and loaf I toss in, I could feel a weight on my shoulders gradually increasing. But I kept continuing until the tub was empty and tried not to think about it. After the tub was empty, I then closed the hatch as it let out a loud rattling thud and covered it back up with the rug as I moved on to the aforementioned desk by the window.
The first thing I noticed sitting on the wooden surface was a small plate with a cinnamon roll with a small bite taken out of it and a recently blown out candle laying at its side. Aside from that, I didn't see anything else noteworthy on the desk so I moved onto its drawers next. I slide open the one closest to the bottom as it gets stuck a little past the halfway point until I had to wrestle it loose and all that was there was a small pile of papers and a box of worn crayons. I decide to slide the drawer shut and move onto the next one and the first thing I noticed in that one was a pouch sitting in the dark corner with some string wrapped around the opening. Out of curiosity, I pull it out and open it up and shockingly, there was lien inside- and, in terms of value, a lot of it.
Seeing this immediately reminded me that I made a promise to Sophia where if I got her enough money to pay off her debt, she would stop calling me by that nickname she gave me, "Lu", and she would go a week without gambling. Hopefully she keeps her end or I'm going to be really mad at her. On that note, I take the bag and stuff it into the side of my left winter boot.
Before I was about to close the drawer, another thing catches my eye. It was an already opened envelope. But it wasn't some ordinary envelope. I could tell due to the fact the stamp had the image of something similar to a strange looking lamp. It's the seal of the kingdom of Mistral. Feeling inclined to get a look at the content of what's inside, I pull out the envelope and slide out the piece of paper inside and the first thing I notice is the word "Congratulations" written on the top in big, bold, cursive letters that would have been impossible to miss. Next thing you know, I begin scanning the words, line by line:
Greetings,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am proud to inform you that after your impressive performance at the entrance exams, I would like to congratulate you, Chatareus Moisia, on being accepted into Haven Academy. Here we will help you sharpen your skills and hone your craft so that we may groom you into one of the numerous huntsmen and huntresses sworn to protect this world and all those who live in it who are unable to protect themselves. As huntsmen and huntresses we all have a responsibility to uphold and it is our sworn duty as the teachers of Haven Academy to help you and provide you the tools required to live up to said responsibility. We will be looking forward to having you attend and I also look forward to seeing you, as well as the many other faces of soon to be huntsmen and huntresses, at the opening ceremony. With that said, we are glad to have you at our side to join our mission in helping guide the world to a better tomorrow.
Yours truly, Headmaster Leonardo Lionheart
Upon reading that, my stomach felt like it was plunging into an abyss as the feeling fully sunk in. It became impossible not to think about it anymore as the fact I am looting the home of a just very recently murdered kid who was trying to become a huntsman- just trying to help the world- burrowed its way into my brain and firmly anchored itself there. I then immediately stopped looking around and just decided to take what I had as I shoved the letter back inside and firmly gripped the bag of corn and bread and rushed out the door, the ground outsidealready covered in a thin sheet of snow.
As I head back down to Raven, I see that she's already finished looting the corpse and was already waiting for me as I quicken my pace a bit.
"Took you long enough. What did you find in there?" Raven interrogated.
"Just a tub of corn and bread… but that was pretty much it." I speak with a bit of a low voice as shame and guilt were the only feelings residing in me.
"That's it?" Raven asked to confirm with me.
"Yeah… That's it..." I confirm.
"I see…" She says as she sounds a little unconvinced, but ultimately decides to drop it. "Alright. Let's go then."
With that said, Raven pulls out her sword and swiftly swipes it downward, creating another one of her rifts and sheathing it as she takes the sack from me.
It's honestly so captivating seeing her just slice holes into the fabric of reality like that. It's both incredible to watch, but at the same time, very terrifying. I mean imagine if you're in a fight with Raven and you're trying to run away. There would literally be no escape, unless she runs out of aura. You could just be hiding somewhere and all she would have to do is create a portal and next thing you know, she's right behind you. Just thinking that makes her even more terrifying.
"Simin,..." She gets my attention. "I want you to know that I take responsibility for what happened today. It was my fault for keeping all the information from you and misleading you how I did. And I also should not have put you on the spot like that and assume you'd go through with it. It's clear to me that you are not ready for this yet." Raven pauses as her voice goes back to her trademark authority that she usually speaks with. "But… just know that if the opportunity arises another time, we will do this again and we better not have a repeat of today. Understood?"
"U-understood…" I answer, a little under my breath in response to what felt like a bit of a non-apology.
I assume this is the closest Raven has ever gotten to giving an apology, but I'll take what I can get. I'm genuinely surprised she even said that at all.
"I'm telling you this now so you won't have an excuse next time. So I suggest you start mentally preparing yourself. Now with that said, I think it's time we head back." Raven says as she gestures for me to step through the portal she had sliced open a couple moments ago.
"Get in." She orders me.
"Wait what? But where does it go?" I ask as I was a little nervous of stepping through the rift she had created.
"It'll take us back to camp. Now get in." Raven answers as she repeats her order with a bit more authority.
As soon as she said that, I immediately looked back toward the rift and thought it was strange how I couldn't see the other side of it, which made me a bit apprehensive. How does she know it'll take us to camp?
"A-are you sure it'll- ah!"
Before I finished, Raven placed her hand on my back and not so gently nudged me through the portal as I tightly shut my eyes and stumbled through, nearly falling in the process. I wasn't sure where I was, but I could feel solid ground below me and could hear the familiar noises of chatter throughout the camp. That gave me enough confidence to open my eyes and was both relieved and shocked to see that I really was back at camp, just like Raven said. Speaking of which, as I opened my eyes, Raven was already stepping through the portal with the sack over her shoulder as it closed up behind her.
"Vernal, Mari? Any problems while I was gone?" Raven asked as she turned to my right, which caused me to sharply turn my head in suit as I just now noticed Vernal and Mari standing a few yards from where I had landed.
"No problems at all, Raven." Vernal was the first to answer. "Everything went smoothly."
"We did have to break up another drunken brawl though, but that was about it." Mari chimed in to Raven, provoking a side-eye and a small elbow nudge from Vernal, which in turn, provoked an annoyed look from Mari.
"So the usual?" Raven speaks after the small interaction between the two girls.
"The usual." Vernal responds with a slight sigh.
"Good enough. Anyway…" Raven then proceeds to take the sack of food and hands it out to Vernal. "Vernal, I want you to take this bag to the food supplies tent for me."
"Got it." Vernal replies as she takes the bag and heads off while Raven turns her attention toward me.
"As for you, Simin, you're free for the rest of the day. That means our daily training will be optional for you today if you feel up for it."
Hearing that surprised me a little as I wasn't expecting Raven to go easy on me today after what went down this morning. Why is she being nice to me all of a sudden- or at least nice compared to her usual self? Is it because she's trying to make up for earlier? I expected her to be much harder on me such as give me a backhand to the cheek or go extra hard on me during training or yell at me to her heart's content or anything of the sort. But instead, she's been surprisingly lenient compared to what I expected.
"And as for you, Mari,..." She says, now turning her attention to the emerald-eyed girl. "... training will be in about three hours from now, so I want you to pass that information to Vernal and get some food in you, assuming you haven't eaten already. Understood?"
"Understood." Mari swiftly answers.
"Good. In the meantime, I'll be in my tent. I'm going to rest for a bit." Raven says with her back turned as she cracks her neck and retires to her tent.
Now it was just me and Mari, who was teetering back and forth on her heels and toes a bit. As I stood next to her, I began to feel a little uncomfortable and awkward as the guilt began to return and I also hid my right arm behind my back so she wouldn't see the blood on the sleeve. Even though I wasn't the one that killed Chatareus, the fact I played any kind of role in that scenario after the fact by looting his house disturbs me, despite the fact I did it out of fear rather than desire. After the trouble Mari went through putting up with me and just helping and being there for me, I can't help but feel I let her down today to some extent, even if she doesn't know it yet.
Eventually, after a few seconds, Mari would be the one to break the silence.
"Sooo tell me what happened, Sim. Where did you two go? What did you do?" Mari asks a pair of questions, hoping I could feed her curiosity.
"Oh, we.. um…" I mumble as I say this and avoid eye contact, which set off a red flag for her as she immediately became aware something was bothering me.
"Is something wrong, Simin?" She completely changes her tone to a concerned one as she calls me by my full name, something I noticed she only does when she feels something serious is going on or feels worried or concerned.
"No…" I answer dismissively as I was still refusing to look at her.
"Then why are you acting strange all of a sudden and hiding your arm?" She quickly called out my strange behavior.
I guess compared to how I usually am around her, my body language stuck out like a red flag. But I had no response and therefore stayed silent.
"If something's wrong, you can talk to me, Simin." Mari said, adopting a more nurturing tone and lowering herself to my level.
"I know…" I murmur. "But I… don't want you to be mad at me."
I don't why I said that. I knew that would only encourage her into prodding the answers out of me even more. But then again, that's probably precisely why I said it. I knew I didn't have the courage to tell her of my own volition. So I said it in hopes that she would try to encourage me to tell her. And luckily, it seemed like Mari got the hint as she went ahead with her questions.
"Mad at you? Why do you say that?" Mari responds a bit surprised as to why I would say that. "Simin, what single thing could you do that would make me mad at you?"
As soon as she said that, I slowly pull my arm from behind my back, revealing the ripped sleeve with noticeable specks of Chatareus' blood all over it. In response, Mari's eyes widened in shock as she quickly grabbed my arm and rolled the sleeve up.
"Oh my Gods! What happened? Are you okay?" The girl said with an alarmed voice as she turned my arm over, inspecting for any wounds.
"I'm fine, Mari…" I assure her.
"Then why is the sleeve all torn? And- and the blood…!" She sounds so concerned for me.
"The sleeve is from a hawk attack. But I've already healed from that. As for the blood,.. that came from a person."
Upon saying that, Mari instantly stopped and for a moment and then released my arm as the sleeve fell down to where it was as her look adopted a more serious undertone.
"A person?" She asks as if she were making sure she heard me correctly.
I silently nodded.
"What happened, Simin? Talk to me." She requested.
"Do you promise not to be angry at me?" I ask her.
I sound like a child about to confess to their mother to breaking her beloved vase. As I asked her, Mari reached for my hand and placed it in her warm palm and though she didn't give me a reassuring smile, her eyes were trying to encourage me to speak.
"I promise." She answered.
With that, I took a deep breath and told her everything as I basically vented to her. I told her about my talk with Raven before we arrived at the place. I told her about the fight and how she tried to make me kill him. And I told her about Raven's lesson and her sending me into the house to loot it. As soon as I finished, Mari was dead silent as if she were processing everything she heard.
"You're mad, aren't you?" I sadly ask her as I mistake her silence for irateness.
In response, Mari pulled me into a tight, yet comforting, hug as the petals from the lily in her hair brushed against the side of my head.
"No, Simin. I'm not mad at you." She softly spoke as she placed a comforting hand on my back as I slowly returned the gesture with a hug as well.
As she embraced me, I could hear her mutter something to herself under her breath that sounded something along the lines of, "What's Raven thinking?". Not long after she said that, she would speak up again, this time to me.
"Simin, I don't want you to ever feel like you can't talk to me about something, okay? Remember what we talked about: if something is bothering you or is on your mind and you need someone to talk to, just tell me and I will always listen. Regardless of what it is, I won't judge you. I won't condemn you. I won't be mad at you. I won't turn you away. I'm always here if you need me."
"Thank you, Mari…" I respond bittersweetly.
"Anytime, Simin." She answered back.
Just like mom, Mari seems to always have a way of making me feel better, whether it's just kind words or doing something like taking me for a walk. Honestly, I kind of needed this. Despite the fact I'm living among literal bandits, get tossed around on a daily basis with training, and everything that just happened this morning, it's nice to have a support like Mari around making it easier. She's such a genuine, kindhearted person.
"Um… Simin…" Mari speaks up, interrupting my thoughts.
"Yes, Mari?" I reply.
"I already let go about six seconds ago…"
I hadn't realized she already released me as I was still clinging to her. Upon realizing that, I felt very awkward again and quickly took my arms off her, my face red from embarrassment as I backed off. Mari seemed to be a bit amused by my reaction as she let out a slight giggle.
"S-sorry about that." I stammer.
"Don't worry, Sim. It's okay." She let out another chuckle before continuing. "Now I want you to go rest, okay? You've had a very tough morning, so you should lay down and just take it easy for the rest of the day. Don't even think about coming to training later."
"Okay, Mari." I acknowledge before she continues.
"Also I want you to leave your jacket near the entrance to your tent. I'll be in there later to check on you and I'm going to take the jacket to Sophia so she can sew up those tears for you."
"That reminds me,.." I speak up with a bit of a tired voice as I am reminded of something. "...speaking of Sophia, do you know where she is?"
"Uh… Last I checked, she's over by her usual spot." Mari answers me as she moves her gaze in the direction she was referring to. "She was just finishing up a game so you might want to catch her before she starts another one."
"Thanks, Mari. I'm off now." I say as I jog off to where Sophia is as Mari gives me a distant "You're welcome".
Rather quickly, I catch Sophia just as her game had ended as people were starting to disperse from around her while she was in the process of putting her cards away. Before she notices me, I walk over and tap her shoulder from behind and she turns around to greet whomever she thinks it is.
"What is it - 'Lu'! You're back!" She says with a slight gasp in a bit of a surprised voice with her usual energy as if I had suddenly gone missing or something. "Need something?"
"I have your money." I get right to the point, completely skipping greeting her.
There was also a bit of coldness in my voice as I spoke as well since I just wanted to give her what I promised her and be done with it. I'm already exhausted as it is so I just want to get to my tent as fast as possible and lay down. Sophia didn't seem to notice I wasn't in the mood as she just pulled me into a hug, her face lighting up as I told her and accompanied by at least eight thank you's. I didn't bother resisting this time.
"Hey, you okay?" Sophia asks me suddenly without warning as she releases me.
"Why do you ask?" I ask her for clarification as I didn't expect to read me that quickly or that easily.
"Well you're usually kicking and screaming and trying to wrestle yourself free when I pull you in for a hug." She heavily exaggerates (though she wasn't too far from the truth).
"Sorry. I guess I'm just not feeling it today." I say as I attempt a bit of sarcasm that only ended up making me sound even more cold toward her.
"Something wrong? You're not upset at me, are you?" She asks me as she misreads the situation.
"No." I bluntly answer with just a single word.
"Then what is it-"
"Look, Sophia,..." I cut her off. "I've been through enough today and I really don't feel like talking anymore right now. Here, just take the money." I say as I quickly reach into my boot and pull out the small sack of lien.
As I did so, I noticed she had a look of shock as it seemed like she wasn't looking at the sack, but the arm I held it in. And at that moment, I realized I used my right arm to hand it to her- the same arm with the torn up bloody sleeve.
"Shit…!" I exclaimed in my head as I knew this was going to provoke a series of questions that I just don't feel like answering. I'm mentally exhausted right now and this is not a topic I want to visit again. I'm just going to have to shut her down however I can.
"How did you get this lien?" She asks me with a concerned voice as her shocked expression transitioned to a look of guilt for some reason. I could tell she seemed more fixated on my sleeve rather than the bag in my hand.
"Does it matter?" I coldly tell her. "I got you your money, so that should be what you care about, right?"
I know it was a bit of a venomous thing to say and a bit of a low blow that I'm going to feel bad about later, but at this point I was willing to say anything to get away.
"Ouch…" Sophia said with a bit of a hurt expression. "Simin, if you're upset just spit it out. I can take it."
"I'm not upset at you, Sophia." I try to dismiss.
"Then why are you being so cold? Is it because I got you invol-"
"Sophia, just take the damn lien!" I snap at her. "I'm tired, okay?! I'm just tired. So stop worrying about me. I just want to be by myself for a bit and lay down. I've had enough to deal with today. I got you your money, so just take it and leave me alone! And keep the promises you made me."
"O-okay…" She says after a small pause as she scoops up the sack with her hand from my palm. "I'm sorry, 'Lu'- I-I mean Simin… I didn't mean to get under your skin, okay? I was just worried is all. If you need your space, I'll let you have it. I'll get out of your hair."
I'm not used to seeing her so apologetic. I almost feel bad for it if I'm being honest. I'm normally not a short-fused person and I didn't really like yelling at her, but I just can't today. I need to isolate myself for a bit and unwind so I can cool down.
"Thank you." I say relieved that she's letting me go.
On that note, I begin to turn around as I walk away to my tent.
"Take care, Simin…" She says with a low voice and a wave.
"Will do." I give a slight wave back.
It honestly feels weird hearing her call me by my name now. But at the same time, it also feels refreshing. But as that was said and done, I leave Sophia in silence to be alone with her thoughts and her money, hoping that she holds true to her other promise.
As soon as I reach my tent and push my way through the flaps, I walk over to my trunk and pop it open to place my knife and sais in. After closing it, I then remove my jacket and toss it on top of the trunk and collapse onto my sleeping bag as I let out a very long pent-up sigh that turned into a groan as stress was being let out.
I don't know whether I should feel proud or disappointed. In fact, I don't even think I have anything left in me to feel anything right now. I didn't allow Raven to force me to kill Chatareus, but I still ended up looting the guy's house when everything was all said and done. It's like no matter what I do at this point, I'm going to be opposing someone, whether it's Raven and her cruelty or Mari and her compassion. They both care about me in their own way, I can tell. But I can also see that they both want two very different things for me.
I don't want to have to pick a side. But I'm starting to feel like a boat between two clashing tides. And eventually, I'm going to be forced one way or the other with no middle ground left to coast on.
**CHAPTER END**
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Hey everyone!
I hope you all had a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! And if you don't celebrate Christmas, then I hope you had a happy December 25th!
Anyway, I'm sorry for not posting this chapter on Christmas. I originally was planning to post it on Christmas since it fell on a Friday, but I changed my mind about it because I wanted to do something special for my mother instead, so I didn't work on the chapter at all throughout the duration of that week. As for why I didn't post the chapter on New Year's, I honestly was just struggling with the ending to this chapter so I took a couple extra days to work on it as well as the dialogues because the original ending to this chapter was very rushed, so I wanted to flesh it out more. In the original draft, everything from when they return to camp to the end was originally just two pages, so I literally extended it to about ten pages when I was editing it.
Now with that said, we officially kick off the new year with the conclusion of Act 4 of this volume! That means we are now officially in anthology chapter territory. I'm honestly not even sure if I can even call them anthology chapters, but I'm going to call them that anyway because I can't literally can't think of a better word, unless someone has any suggestions as to what I should call them instead. I'm almost tempted to call them filler, but they're not really since they all do have some sort of impact on some characters or give more insight to other characters like Sophia, who will be getting a little bit of focus in this volume in the anthology chapters. Also my favorite Raven moment in this volume happens in one of the anthology chapters as well.
Here is the plan for the anthology chapters. Now by the time we reach chapter 16 of this volume, it will be taking place 14 months later after chapter 15 with Simin having already turned 10, turning 11 later that year. The anthology chapters are basically some of the things that happen during that time-skip. I plan on posting all of them in rapid fire, one after the other, which means it's going to be a while until the next chapters are out since I'm going to be editing all five (potentially four) of them completely before I post them. I'm not sure how long it will take though. With my next semester starting at the end of this month, it could be anytime between now and May, assuming my schedule will be flexible enough. I hope that I'll be able to work on them because I think you'll like them.
This is a basic run down of what to expect in the anthology chapters (while being as vague as possible because I don't want to give away much):
In the first anthology chapter, it's going to focus on Sophia, Vernal, and Simin as the three are going for a hunt and things go a bit south toward the end after a bit of a hiccup.
The second anthology chapter picks up from where the first one leaves off and this is the one that has my favorite Raven moment as she saves Vernal, Sophia, and Simin from a deadly encounter and Simin learns a very valuable lesson from Raven that he actually takes to heart.
The third one is Sophia's backstory (which is really depressing) that will also serve as setup for another oc of mine that will be debuting later at the tail end of this volume.
The fourth one is about Simin and Mari and it's a very laid back and very wholesome chapter where Simin gets sick and Mari's just looking out for him and it's the first chapter we get from Mari's perspective and we basically get to see her thought processes and a bit of what goes on inside her head.
As for the fifth anthology chapter, I'm thinking of scrapping it, but I'm not entirely sure yet. It was originally going to be a chapter that involved celebrating Simin's birthday and it was going to involve Vernal, Mari, Sophia, and Jeremiah. But then I thought it didn't make much sense and that it was too wholesome considering the setting is in the middle of a literal bandit camp, so I thought about scrapping it because a majority of the characters and setting did not fit with the overall tone of the chapter. But then I thought about just changing it to just Mari and Simin celebrating his birthday by hanging out at their usual spot and the two just have a talk. I'll make a poll for it (which will already be posted by the time this chapter is released) and I'll see what you all think on whether I should scrap the chapter altogether and forget about it or edit/post it as the alternative option with just Mari and Simin. If the poll doesn't show up, please let me know and I will try to fix it. I'm still new to making polls.
Now for Act 5, the final act of this volume, Mari, Raven, and Simin will be taking center stage. I hope you like what I will do with those three and I hope I will be able to deliver with the ending of this volume and finish strong. Also Act 5 has four fight scenes in it and two of them are my favorite in this volume, which take place in chapter 16 and 19, and I hope you will like them as much as I enjoyed writing them. As for chapter 20, I'm about halfway done with the final fight scene. I might need to make some tweaks with Simin's semblance, but so far, I'm making pretty good progress with the scene I think.
Anyway, before I leave you all to work on the anthologies and the finale, here is fun fact number 16:
Fun Fact #16: Remember how chapter 13 was an insanely long chapter? Well it almost ended up being even longer because chapters 14 and 15 were originally part of chapter 13 and literally took up a fifth of the 500+ pages I had written of Volume 1 at the time (Volume 1 is now over 1,000 pages). Because of that, I literally cut chapter 13 into thirds, which is how chapters 14 and 15 came to be, and that was how Act 4 was made. So in short, chapter 13 was so long, I just cut it into thirds and made it into its own act.