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whose wakening should have been in paradise

Breathe.

Dammit, Todd, breathe, get yourself in order.

Breathe!

Wait. Kate pauses, suddenly thoughtful. Does she even need to breathe? After all, what's going to happen if she stops? She can't die again.

Can she?

She exhales slowly. Normal bodily functions seem to be working. She gets hungry and thirsty, she can cry, she can really cry, she still has emotions and senses.

Of course, she doesn't feel pain. And though half her brain is missing, she's thinking like normal. She is breathing, though Ducky says her lungs were donated, but her heart is gone too and she doesn't have a pulse. Her kidneys are gone, and she can still use the bathroom. She still has her bones, but her frame is thinner than ever, making her look sick or diseased. Perhaps that's what this is, some kind of insane sickness.

Well, her breathing is under control now, so that's something to hold onto. And the apartment is quiet.

Kate buries her face in her hands. God, this is mortifying. She'll never be able to face them again. A panic attack brought on by McGee? What the hell is wrong with her?

A gentle knock makes her scramble away from the door and to her feet.

"Kate?" Tony asks, his voice full of trepidation. "Can I come in?"

Kate exhales one last time and opens the door.

"Hey," Tony says, a hand running through his hair, a bashful sort of smile on his face. "You okay?"

She glances past him.

"Everyone's gone home," he promises, "I'm sorry. I should've known better than –"

"No," she lets out, "no, it's okay. I do want them around, just – God, I don't know what's the matter with me."

"Thinking like that won't get you anywhere," he points out. She narrows her eyes at him.

"Never mind me, what's the matter with you?"

He drops his jaw in a look of mock offence so outrageous she can't help but laugh.

"You're being so nice to me," she says. "It's really weird."

"This is a one-time-only back-from-the-dead deal, Princess. Just wait a few days and we'll be fighting like an old married couple again."

Insane as it might be, Kate really likes the sound of that.

"Oh, hey, I didn't tell you. Fornell went to the graveyard. Something did happen there, about a month back."

"Did he get the tapes?"

"They were scrubbed. He ran into your brother there, talked with him a bit."

"Which brother?"

Tony pauses to think. "Stuart?"

"Steve?"

"That's it."

Good. "He's the one with common sense," she offers. She hasn't really thought about her family since she came to. Hasn't dared. But when she does dare – Steve and Rachel, Will and James, even her fussy, obnoxious, irritating mom – she misses them all like the hole in her head.

"Maybe," she murmurs, distant, barely aware of the words passing through her lips, "maybe when all this is over I can go and see them."

Tony winces. "I don't want you to get your hopes up."

And her hopes are dashed.

But Tony is still DiNozzo, nice or not, he's still her irritating, obnoxious partner, and she won't have him see her upset. She shakes it off.

"What else did Fornell find?"

With Ari on the loose, it is all fingers on deck. Kate remains under Tony's protection. McGee watches over Abby. As for Ziva, she is to stay with Ducky.

He is the preferable choice, of course. Kate, understandably, does not yet trust Ziva, and the tension yesterday was unbearable. Abby is delighted and will not hear a word of doubt against her dearest friend returned from the grave. McGee is little better. But Ducky, Ducky is a man of death, and he is as uncertain as Ziva regarding this development.

That night, they talk over the matter for hours, coming to no satisfying conclusion. Ducky says it is indeed Kate's body, and he may not use the word corpse but he is thinking it. The others are happy to have their friend back, though Tony does seem cautious, but Ducky is unsettled and angry. "Caitlin was desecrated," he thunders.

The next morning, he goes into work early, with the intention of going over Kate's autopsy report, in case he missed anything. Ziva drops him off, then goes on to Arlington.

"You are late," Ari observes in Hebrew as she kisses his cheek.

"It's Saturday," she tells him. "I slept in."

Ari laughs at that. "What is it the Americans say? You've gone native."

Perhaps she has. Ziva smiles. "And you? Have you kept safe since yesterday?"

"I remained in the motel all day, and only came out after dark," he says pacifyingly. "But I cannot do this forever." He takes her arm and draws her to a bench, where they sit together in the shadows.

"Nor will you. You can't go on as before, of course, but we can –"

"Ziva, youdidn't tell me it had been a whole year."

Ziva stares at him for a moment. "You didn't know?" she demands.

"I know nothing. I died in Gibbs's basement. Then I woke alone in an alley in the middle of the night, only hours before I found you. If you want answers, little sister, you're talking to the wrong person. I only have questions."

Ziva takes in the information. If this is true – and she knows most of her brother's tells – then he does not even know that Kate is back. But if she was kept in a cell, why was it that he was let loose immediately?

"What do you want to know?" she asks instead.

"First, who killed me?"

She shrugs. "I was told that it was Gibbs."

"But you don't believe it?"

"I never said that."

He looks away, out to the city lights in the distance. "It wasn't him. He was unarmed and right in front of me. I could see his hands."

"Then he was protecting someone. Perhaps he sensed that I didn't trust him."

Ari takes her hand. His skin is cold, much colder than Kate's. "Then how did you come to join him?"

She shrugs. "Father wanted to appoint a liaison. I wanted to know more of what happened."

"Father ought to have seen that I was avenged," Ari scowls.

"Ah, but that isn't how to win assets. You know Father."

"And what have you done to avenge me?"

"They fell apart, Ari. Once Agent Todd was dead they could not cope. Agent DiNozzo runs the team now, but he is cold and empty. Doctor Mallard talks to nobody."

"And Gibbs? He can't be dead."

"No, not dead." Ziva smiles at him toothily, feeling like a villain. "He is retired. He left for Mexico months ago."

Ari stares at her. "So that was your revenge? That's… impressive. How did you manage it?"

"I," Ziva informs him, "am very good."

Surrounded by files, in a pair of Ziva's jeans and an oversized t-shirt of Abby's, Kate curls up on Tony's couch and catches up on the year she's missed, occasionally glancing up to confirm details with him. "Is our innocent Probie really a senior field agent?" "Who's Agent Lee?" "God, I'm glad I wasn't around for the Ranier thing. Gibbs might have made me do it."

Tony's patient, but she can feel his irritation starting to grow. Part of her wants to poke and prod and tease until he snaps, to see a little something of her old partner, to fight him like old times. But he's been really decent. Things aren't normal right now. Maybe one day they will be, but right now, she has it in her power to make things either harder or easier. Besides, if she's really honest, she always knew he was capable of more than he let on. Someone had to give him a hard time. Just now that's already been taken care of.

She puts the files aside. "This year's kind of been hell, hasn't it?"

Tony shrugs. "We got by."

"But – having to work while you're grieving, taking over the team, all the changes –"

"Hey, who says I was grieving?"

Kate pulls a face. "Oh, too soon, DiNozzo."

But she throws a cushion at him, playful, and there's a hint of the old Tony in his grin. He flings it back at her, hitting her square in the forehead, laughing, and Kate can't help it – she dissolves into giggles.

The door bursts open.

In an instant Tony's on his feet, shielding her, weapon out and aimed at the doorway. Kate takes up a defensive stance too – but she isn't armed, and there's nothing she can do.

"Sorry," Gibbs says, appearing in the door, hands held out and empty.

Sorry?

He's staring at her.

Right. Kate forces a smile, crosses the room to him. "It's good to see you," she offers lamely.

Gibbs seems to snap out of it. He looks her up and down, taking her in, stripping away the layers and looking inside. She's exposed under his eyes, vulnerable and seen. Finally, he nods. "Hey, Kate," he says, and his voice is thick and rough.

"Hi," she says back, smothering a nervous giggle in her throat.

Gibbs's eyes are on her forehead. She's filled the hole, but it's still there. Still visible.

He has a moustache.

"Hey," Tony says, chipper, standing off to one side and looking back and forth between them. "I'm here, too."

"Yeah? And what are you doing about this, DiNozzo?"

Tony's hackles rise; it's a look Kate hasn't seen on him before. Not fury, just irritation – the irritation of a boss. "I'm handling it, Gibbs. Come on. Jenny wants us at the Navy Yard."

"Jenny?" Gibbs echoes, disbelieving and a little bit pissed.

God, Kate thinks, this is worse than a family reunion.

Jenny almost can't believe it, even now. She shakes hands with Kate Todd, a bit dazed, trying not to look at the mark on her forehead.

"We're doing everything we can to investigate what happened to you, Agent Todd," Jenny promises. It's empty, of course, everything we can amounts to hardly anything at all, but Todd smiles and thanks her and doesn't say what she must be thinking – it isn't enough.

"And what's that, Jen?" a rough voice asks from the basement doorway. Of course, he doesn't have the subtlety of a brick through a window.

"Jethro," Jenny acknowledges, unable to squash the thread of irritation in her voice.

In the corner of her eye, she sees Todd mouth to Tony, 'Jethro?'

"Okay," Jethro says, getting into her space, towering over her and glaring into her eyes. "I'll ask again. What are you doing?"

The facial hair kind of ruins the effect he's going for. Just for good measure, Jenny glares right back at him, then turns on her heels and leads them to a table, where Cynthia's gathered the little information they have. "Ducky is studying the biology of what's happened. It seems that – sorry, Agent Todd." She nods to Todd, letting her take over this part. After all, it is her body.

"I'm functioning just like normal – almost. I don't have a heartbeat, but everything else seems to be working, even though half my organs are gone." Todd shrugs. "Ducky will have more to say on it than I do."

Jenny nods in acknowledgement. There's not much more that Ducky did say, though he's still studying. "Fornell is following up on some leads," she continues, "to the people who… exhumed you. Ziva met with Ari this morning –"

"Alone?" Tony demands. Jenny turns her glare on him, and he subsides slightly, though still angry. Todd is tense beside him.

"Ari doesn't know what brought him back. He woke up in an alley and went looking for Ziva, that's all he remembers. She told him you're still in Mexico, Jethro, and he has no idea that Agent Todd is back."

The wave of relief that runs through all three of them is almost tangible.

"He'll figure it out, though," Todd murmurs. "It's only a matter of time."

"Time's not nothing," Tony says, earnest eyes on his friend.

Jethro shakes his head. "Whoever brought Ari back did it for a reason. He's up to something."

"Then we'd better get to work," Jenny says. "Jethro, come with me."

At least he can traverse the building freely. Behind them, Todd and Tony get to work.

"Do you need me to help you with that?"

"For the love of God, DiNozzo, get your hands out of the way."

There's a trace of a smile on Jethro's face as the elevator door closes, letting Todd and Tony argue in peace.

"Look," Jenny says, carefully, "I can't imagine what it's like to have someone you care about come back from the dead."

Jethro says nothing, watching her, expectant.

"Have you considered that she's not who she says she is?"

"Well, what do you think, Jen?"

She waits for more.

"It's her body. Her bullet hole, her missing organs, her tattoo. The way she behaves, it's all Kate. You heard her arguing with DiNozzo. Jen, it was like that every goddamn day for two goddamn years. I… thought I'd heard the end of it."

Jenny doesn't smile, but there's an unmistakable fondness between Todd and the two men. Not so much between Jethro and Tony, but there's no wonder of that, she knows what her agent has had to deal with these last couple of months.

"I don't want things getting out of hand," she offers.

"You think you have things in hand?" Jethro explodes.

She sighs and gets comfortable. She's going to be in this elevator for a while.

"Um – Agent DiNozzo?"

Kate whirls around at the voice. Jimmy Palmer, hovering in the doorway, gapes at her. He grabs hold of the frame to stop himself from falling.

"I – I – I –"

Kate stays frozen in place while Tony goes to haul the kid in. "Yes, Palmer?" he snaps.

"I'm sorry," Palmer manages. He doesn't take his eyes off of Kate.

She raises a hand and waves awkwardly. "Hi, Palmer."

"H-hi."

"Sit," Tony instructs, shoving Palmer to the table. "Dammit! What the hell are you doing here?"

"Nothing, I – I – I left my spare glasses yesterday. I don't understand what –"

"None of us do," Kate says, fixing a glare at Tony. Give him a minute. "It's okay, Palmer, just take a breath."

Palmer obeys, poor kid, closes his eyes, but when he opens them to see Kate in front of him, he gapes all over again.

"Yes," Tony sighs, impatient, "it's Kate. No, we don't know what the hell's going on. Yes, we are figuring it out. No, you are not to breathe a word of this to anyone, or so help me God, Palmer, you will never set foot in this building again, do you hear me?"

"O-of course," Palmer lets out. "Does Doctor Mallard know?"

"He knows," Kate says.

"But you don't discuss this with him," Tony presses. "Not a word to anyone, even people who know about it. This never happened. You were never here."

Palmer nods, shaky but holding it together. "Yes, sir," he says, standing. "I'll leave you to it. Um, Agent Todd – welcome back."

"Thanks," Kate says, watching as Palmer scurries out, shutting the door carefully behind him. When he's gone she turns to Tony. "I don't think he'll talk," she offers.

"He won't," Tony agrees, but the door swings open again. "For God's sake, Palmer –"

But it isn't Palmer.

"I brought you something to eat. You should keep your strength up." "It's no use holding back, you know." "You have to run, Kate."

Kate stands, drifts towards the figure in the door without realising she's doing it. A looming figure standing over her – only she isn't looming now.

"You," she whispers, eyes wide.

Tony snaps to attention. "Kate?"

"It was you. You came to see me in my cell, you – you let me go." Kate feels tears pricking her eyes. "You're one of them! I don't understand. What are you –" she turns to Tony, searching for answers. "What is she doing here?"

"Kate," Tony says, coming to stand by her side, "this is Probationary Special Agent Michelle Lee. And she's got some explaining to do."