Part Eight: Wherein a Conversation is Had

A heavy knock startled Sigourney out of sleep. For a disoriented moment, she was convinced that it was the people from the park come for her at last. She sat up, clawing her wavy hair out of her eyes, heart beating faster than could possibly be healthy. There was another knock. She drew in a sharp breath that nearly choked her. Then her brow furrowed. No interplanetary hit-squad would be dumb enough to knock before doing unspeakable things to someone, would they? Sigourney glanced at her clock. 3:27am. She scootched to the edge of her bed, setting her feet lightly on the cool floor.

If it was them, if they wanted to hurt her, they would have just kicked the door out of its frame like it was cardboard. She stood up and tip-toed towards the door. A third knock sounded, then another, and another. Each was more desperate than the next. A rational part of her mind that had been filed away for far too long told her that it was probably one of her neighbors. That something had happened and they needed help. Even still, she looked through the spy-hole just to be safe.

It was Loki.

Sigourney unbolted the door and flung it open with far more strength than she had intended. He stood there, still slightly disheveled, looking down at her with mild surprise on his face. Without thinking she flung her arms around his middle, pressing her face to his chest. His entire body was ridged for a moment, then he relaxed and his arms wrapped around her. Knowing that he was alright opened a flood-gate of emotion in Sigourney's chest. She pulled out of the hug just as quickly has she had thrown herself into it.

"Where have you been?" Sigourney hissed, trying to keep her voice down for the sake of her neighbors.

Loki gave her a weary smile, "Shall I tell you over a hot drink?

Sigourney frowned up at him, "Don't try to be cute with me. You disappeared with no warning, no explanation. And now here you are at three in the morning, as if nothing happened. I have half a mind to shut this door right in your face."

"Ah." He slipped his hands into the pockets of his black jeans.

Sigourney could only stare at him. Her insides were a writhing pool. Fury seemed to be at the surface of the chaos for some reason, now that relief had gotten out of the way. If she had been asked why she was so angry, she wouldn't have been able to explain it. She just was. She was so cross with him she couldn't think straight. Sigourney hadn't ever been this upset with someone in her whole life.

Or had she?

A strange recollection of being young and blistering with rage filled her mind. Had she been standing in a garden? It was early afternoon and she was yelling at someone.

"What were you thinking?" The words left her lips before she could stop them, "Do you have any idea how reckless and unfeeling you were?!"

Loki blinked at her looking as though he had just been slapped. Sigourney felt her face go hot. The anger in her stomach was swallowed up by the sickly grasp of guilt and drowned in a deep pool of embarrassment. Had they had this fight before? No. No, of course not. Sigourney stepped out of the way, letting Loki slip into the apartment. It would be no good to have this discussion in the hall where it might be overheard. She shut the door softly behind him, taking a slow breath.

"I've upset you." His smooth, soft voice filled the quiet of the small room.

Sigourney's throat went tight. She knew if she tried to speak again that she would burst into tears. So she crossed her arms tight and nodded. Loki sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. He looked so tired. It hung in his eyes and around his shoulders as he stood staring at the floor, trying to think of what to say. Sigourney studied him, forcing herself to ignore the pangs sounding from her soft heart.

She had to be objective or else how could she ever look her reflection in the eye again? Yes, it would have been so easy to melt. To wrap her arms around him, hold him tight, run her hands through his hair. She wanted to. But she wouldn't let herself give in. Sigourney was starting to realize just how soft hearted she had been all along. She had been living in a daze and was only just beginning to see clearly.

Loki leaned against the kitchen counter, and tucked a strand of his long hair back behind his ear, "To answer your questions: I was dealing with a small problem. I thought I was protecting you."

He paused, staring hard at the floor.

Then he said, voice tight, "And no, I hadn't any idea that I was being reckless or unfeeling."

"Where did you go?" Sigourney managed.

Loki looked up, his eyes silently pleading with her to let it go, "You know I can't tell you that."

Bubbles of irritation boiled under the surface of Sigourney's skin, "How convenient that is."

"Siggy," He implored, "please try to understand."

"No, you try to understand!" She jabbed a finger towards him, "You just walked into my life one morning and changed everything. I am basically harboring an interplanetary criminal wanted by the world's most secretive organization and the Avengers! You know that, right?"

She paused, becoming panicked by her own words as they tumbled out of her mouth.

"I don't have super natural abilities." Sigourney went on, "I'm not like you. If this goes bad for some reason, I end up in a windowless room while nameless men in suits erase the fact that I ever existed. I don't even have a lawyer. I understand that you can't tell me certain things, really I do. But think what that must be like for me. I have no idea what you're up to when we aren't together. For all I know, you could be orchestrating some hostile take over of the planet. So, please, tell me why you're here."

"I am hiding." He closed his eyes as he spoke, his grip on the counter behind him so tight it cracked the tiles.

"Right." Tears burned in the corners of her eyes as she swallowed hard, "Because it makes perfect sense to hide on the planet your brother personally protects. It isn't as though there aren't trillions of other places to go in the galaxy. Not that I would really know. And as I recall, you didn't tell me you were hiding. I guessed that you were and you agreed."

"Haven't we been over this all before?" He kept his eyes closed, his head tilted back so his face was to the ceiling, "Something about dumping me on Tony Stark's doorstep comes to mind."

"I hate it when you use my words against me." She told him flatly, "You know that."

"Do I?" He finally looked at her, raising an eyebrow, "Think. When was the last time I did that, I wonder?"

"I... I don't know." She shook her head, suddenly defensive.

"Yes, you do." His gaze was intense as he pushed himself away from the counter, like he wanted something so badly it hurt, "Think about it. Don't just brush it aside."

Sigourney didn't want to think about it. She didn't want any of this. She just wanted her old life back. It was as though there was a wall in her mind that was slowly beginning to crumble. And she was terrified of what lay on the other side. She didn't want this. She didn't want to acknowledge the memory creeping up the back of her neck. She had been standing in a gilt corridor. And they were fighting again. They had been fighting a great deal lately. Sigourney shut her eyes tight against the image.

"You said..." She felt Loki as he came to stand over her, "You said that..."

His hand settled lightly on her shoulder. She shrugged it off, eyes snapping open at his touch.

"You said that you were also here looking for something. What?" She demanded, fighting to bury the disorienting memory.

She could see his mind working as he said, "I want to tell you, but I can't. Remember? I told you I didn't know what would happen if I did. But think. Really think. Deep down you must know why I'm here. Don't suppress it. Don't fight it, Siggy. Just think."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She felt tears run down her face, "I don't know what you want from me."

She walked backwards away from him and collided with the dining table. She groped for the chair, sinking slowly into it once it was found. Loki dropped to his knees before her, a desperation in his eyes so strong it could be felt in the air surrounding him. The cord in Sigourney's chest strained against the overwhelming need to fall into his arms. She shut her eyes again, fighting it.

The smooth, soft touch of something rather like linen had brushed her fingertips. She wadded the fabric of her long skirts into her hands, squeezing it so tight her fingers hurt. Sigourney stood in the gilt corridor, staring up at Loki as she quarreled with him. A serving person turned round the corner and they both fell quiet, not wishing to be overheard.

"Tell me what you see." Loki's voice was gentle, "What do you remember?"

"Nothing." She shook her head, opening her eyes, "Just something from a dream."

"Tell me all the same." He pressed, "Close your eyes and tell me what you see."

Sigourney was so tired of fighting. Loki reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. He held her face between his hands, his touch cool and reassuring. She gave in, letting her eyes fall closed once more.

"We're standing in a long hallway." She told him, "A servant has just gone into the room ahead of us. He bowed to you as he passed. I'm... I'm upset."

"Why?" Loki asked, "Do you remember?"

Sigourney nodded a little, "I'm being sent away. I don't want to go. I want to stay with you, but you say it's too dangerous. I'm upset because I thought you would let me stay."

"I can't." Loki's voice was soft, diplomatic, "We are at war. You said so yourself, 'the Jotuns are dangerous.' I cannot let you stay here. The risk is too great."

"Do not throw my own words against me, Loki. I know what I said." She told him without thinking, "If you had listened when I said them, than perhaps we would not be at war."

"This war is Thor's fault, not mine." He said, remorse colouring his tone.

"Are you so certain of that?" Sigourney's eyes fluttered open, surprised at the words as they left her mouth.

Loki studied her face, taking in her features with an expectant gaze.

"I don't understand." She shook her head, breaking free of his light hold.

"I know." He said.

Sigourney covered her mouth with both hands. Her mind raced faster than she could comprehend. It felt so real. She could hear the way their hurried whispers had echoed softly down the length of the corridor. She burst into tears.

"Siggy." Loki breathed.

She couldn't stop herself. It was all too much. She let herself slip from the chair and into his arms. He hugged her tight, holding her against his chest. She cried into the place between his neck and shoulder as his hand wove into her hair. They sat there on the floor of her kitchen for a long time while her feelings poured out of her. Loki wrapped himself around Sigourney like a protective blanket against her own sorrow. And a part of her hoped he would never let go.

When she finally stopped crying, Loki pushed her hair back from her eyes and wiped her face gently with the heel of his hand. Then he kissed her brow. His lips were cold against her skin. It scared Sigourney how badly she wanted this. It made the center of her chest ache. But her mind wasn't clear enough to let her have it. She placed her palm against his shoulder and slowly pushed him away. Loki didn't resist. Away he went, leaning back to give her space.

"I... I can't." She managed.

"I understand." He told her, voice smooth.

She took a shaky breath, preparing herself, "I need time to sort things out. Time alone."

"I understand." He said again, this time his tone somewhat reluctant, "I'll leave you, then."

She nodded, unable to say any more, and they untangled themselves. Sigourney hugged herself in an effort to keep her feelings from seeping through her skin as she stood with Loki by the door. His face was drawn in lines of concern when he looked at her, but he didn't argue any case for staying.

"May I call on you tomorrow?" He asked, opening the door.

She nodded, "But here. Tomorrow night. Not at the shop."

"I shall see you then." He turned to go, then stopped and turned back, "Sleep well, Siggy."

And with that he was gone.