A/N: For serious. Next time, there's gonna be a word limit.

I took a few liberties with this one. However, in defense of my liberties, I would like to draw your attention to the following: 1) According to the Mentalist, Sacramento is 3 hours away from the Mojave Desert. In reality, those two places are a minimum of 8 hours apart by car. So I think my tampering with a few fictional details is pretty minor by comparison. 2) This episode takes place over the course of 3 days. So even accepting the whole 3 hour drive thing, that is a looot of driving back and forth when you break down the scene changes. 3) When Jane and Lisbon go back to the ranch to tell Faulk about the bomb, it's close to midnight. When they're talking to the bomb squad guy, it's the next morning and they're in the same clothes. 4) In 4x22, So Long, and Thanks For All the Red Snapper, Jane refers to one of Lisbon's exes as "that guy from Narcotics." In 5x13, Red Barn, Jane remembers the names of 2,164 people he shook hands with. I'll leave you to make of that what you will.

xxx

Lisbon had a date.

Jane had discovered this quite by accident. On Thursday afternoon, when he'd taken hold of her wrist on the pretext of checking her watch for the time, her phone had dinged the alert for an incoming text message. She'd checked the display while he still had hold of her wrist. That was when he'd seen it.

We still on for tomorrow?

Lisbon hastily snapped her phone shut and pocketed it as quickly as she could, but it was too late. Jane had already seen the message and the name of the sender.

"Hot date?" he'd inquired neutrally, ignoring the knife hot stab of jealousy that sliced through him at the thought.

She yanked her hand away from him. "No," she said, crossing her arms over her chest defensively and jutting out her chin in that way she did when she was attempting to carry off a particularly bald-faced lie. "Just—meeting a friend for a drink."

Jane raised his eyebrows. "A friend who happens to have the same name as the handsome EMT who was so admiring of the way you saved that girl on the Owens case last week?"

She turned red. "Will you just—not… you know. Be all you about this?"

"What?" he said, projecting as much nonchalant indifference as he could muster. "It's always good to meet new people, spend time relaxing away from work. It'll be good for you."

"This from the man who spends ninety percent of his time hiding on his couch so he can avoid contact with the rest of the human race," she muttered.

"Excuse me, I do not hide," Jane said with dignity. "That couch is an excellent vantage point from which to observe the goings on in the bullpen. For example, just the other day I learned that Susie from HR has a crush on Rigsby from that couch."

"Whatever, Jane," she said grouchily. "Will you please drop this?"

"Why don't you want to talk about it?" Jane prodded. "I'm glad that you're getting out of the office for once. It's a nice change. Very healthy."

Lisbon had given him a look and stalked away.

Jane, of course, hadn't been able to let it go at that. When she got to work on Friday morning, he wasted no time in wandering into her office to annoy her further on the subject.

"All ready for your date with what's his name tonight?" he asked cheerfully.

In fact, he knew exactly what his name was. His name was Dominic Pasquale, and he happened to have broad shoulders, beautiful café au lait skin, and brilliantly white teeth that flashed charmingly when he flirted with senior CBI agents in charge at crime scenes. Not that Jane had noticed. Or that it would be wise to let Lisbon know if he had.

Lisbon scowled. "Don't start."

Jane eyed her critically. "Is that what you're wearing?" She was wearing a red shirt, her trademark black blazer, and had her hair up in a sleek ponytail.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Lisbon said defensively.

There was nothing wrong with what she was wearing. She looked cute as a button, as usual. Jane made a hmm-ing noise. "Nothing," he said doubtfully. "You look fine." He gestured to her ponytail. "Just—you might want to loosen up a little before the big night. You could at least try to project the illusion of being a fun, relaxed person."

Lisbon was starting to turn a very interesting shade of purple. "Jane, so help me—"

Jane changed topics at the speed of light. "Where's he taking you? Someplace nice, I hope."

"We're just grabbing a drink at McNally's Tavern," Lisbon said grudgingly. "You know, keeping it casual."

Jane made another disapproving noise. "I think if a man is really interested in a woman, he should demonstrate his seriousness by taking her someplace a little more upscale than McNally's Tavern. You know, somewhere with cloth napkins."

"Good thing you're not going out with him, then," Lisbon snarked.

Jane ignored this. "So, are you excited? I suppose he's good looking if you like that tall, muscular look."

Lisbon closed her eyes. "I am not talking about this with you."

Jane feigned innocence. "What? I'm just making conversation."

She opened her eyes and glared at him. "Make it somewhere else, with someone else."

Jane chuckled. "Spoken like a true social butterfly."

"Leave me alone," she growled. "Or I will hurt you."

"I just want you to have a good time tonight," Jane lied. "Seriously. You deserve to have a nice time." That part was true, at least. "If there's anything I can do to help you get ready for your night on the town, I want you to know that I am one hundred percent there for you."

"You want to help me?"

"Yes," Jane said stoutly.

"Good. Then stay out of trouble for once in your life. I want to get through this day with no new cases so I can leave on time and just – have a nice, normal evening without thinking about murder for once."

Jane looked at her appraisingly. "If you and what's his name have children, do you think they'll take after you or him, height-wise? I suppose he's not quite a whole foot taller than you, but—"

It was around this time that Lisbon threw him out of her office.

Xxx

Jane went back to his couch, distinctly unsettled. He tried to put the thought of Lisbon's date out of his mind, but the mental image of Dominic Pasquale smiling down at Lisbon with those shiny white teeth kept intruding despite his best efforts. What if she blushed when he smiled at her? She was irresistible when she blushed. And Dominic Pasquale would have no reason to resist. He'd be at perfect liberty to lean in and—

He shut the thought down.

Tea. He needed tea.

He made himself a cup, but this was insufficient to distract him from the image of Lisbon and Dominic Pasquale smiling at each other over a candlelit dinner. No, he reminded himself. They were meeting at a sports bar. There wouldn't be any candlelight.

Not on the first date, a treacherous voice whispered inside his head. But what about the second? The third?

In other words, what if she actually liked this guy? What if Dominic Pasquale started stopping by the office on a regular basis? What if he, Jane, had make polite conversation with the man several times a week, pasting on a smile and pretending that he didn't resent the hell out of any man who could openly pursue Teresa Lisbon?

No point in worrying about that now, he told himself firmly. He had to get through the first date first.

The fact that he was thinking of this as an event that had to be endured was a bad sign. He closed his eyes and took a calming breath. He reminded himself that it was a good thing that Lisbon was doing something for herself for once. She deserved love and affection, he told the back of his eyelids. She deserved someone… whole. Someone free.

Besides, he didn't think of Lisbon in that way, anyway, he told himself unconvincingly. But it was no good. However much he resisted the idea, the truth was that he thought of Lisbon in a lot of ways, and most of them were ways he had no business thinking about anyone. It was bad enough how important she'd become in his life as his friend. Anything more—well, it just wasn't possible, so dwelling on the matter was a waste of time. As was plotting ways to sabotage Dominic Pasquale. Annoyingly, though, that knowledge didn't stop him from doing either.

Desperate for a distraction, he rummaged through the books on the window sill and found a Sudoku puzzle book. He finished three puzzles and started on a fourth, absently wondering if Lisbon was planning to dress up for her date, and whether getting a glimpse of her in date clothes would be more pleasure or pain for him, knowing that she was on her way to meet someone else.

"We're catching a hot one," Cho commented, watching a uniformed officer with a sheet of paper in his hand make his way through the bullpen.

"Hurray!" Jane said in real relief. Murder would be a far better distraction than Sudoku from the problem at hand. "I was about to go mad with boredom."

"Don't say 'hurray,'" Van Pelt admonished him. "Someone's died."

"Well, if they have, my happiness makes no difference to them," Jane pointed out reasonably.

Lisbon came out of her office with a sheet of paper in her hands, looking irritable. "This e-mail just came to the Attorney General's office and the Governor's office twenty minutes ago." She read aloud from the sheet of paper. "'Pay attention. At exactly eleven-oh-five AM today, at latitude 35.047 and longitude 116.49, you will see an arrogant and greedy person punished with death and you will know I am serious. Signed, Joe Q. Public.'"

Ooh, a vague, anonymous threat. Jane brightened. "Interesting." This promised to be a far more diverting distraction than Sudoku or even bickering with Grace.

Lisbon shot him a quelling look. "It's probably nothing."

"So why can't the local police handle it, then?" Rigsby asked.

Lisbon explained the tedious chain of events that had resulted in Minelli directing her to personally look into the matter. "Rigsby, you're the fastest driver," she continued, still looking irritable. "If we leave now and push it, we can get there by eleven-oh-five."

Rigsby nodded and got up from his desk to go get a car from the van pool.

Jane took exception to this statement. Lisbon always accused him of driving way too fast. Surely that entitled him to the title of the fastest driver on the team. She should have him drive her instead of Rigsby, if she was in such a hurry. Much more efficient. If he raised this issue, however, she would likely qualify the statement by telling him Rigsby was the fastest driver who didn't cause her to fear for her life, so he discarded the argument as unproductive. Besides, his mind was already engaged in formulating a plan that would render the point moot anyway. "Where is it?" he asked Lisbon, referring to the coordinates.

"The Mojave Desert," she said. "Middle of nowhere. Quarter of a mile off the highway."

"Interesting," Jane repeated, allowing a smile to steal over his features. Perfect.

"Boring," Lisbon countered. "It's three hours away." Yes, he was perfectly aware of the source of her grumpiness. She didn't want to miss her date because the Governor's office had decided to send her on a wild goose chase.

Of course, it wouldn't do to acknowledge this. "Desert's beautiful this time of year," he said idly. Lisbon rolled her eyes. Grace looked half-interested. "Let's all go." He got to his feet, his smile widening. "We can bring a picnic lunch."

Success! Grace was on board. She got to her feet, looking pleased at the opportunity to get out of the office for a mid-day adventure.

Lisbon was unmoved by the promise of a picnic in the desert but apparently didn't feel it was worth wasting time to argue the point with Jane. "Someone has to stay and answer the phones," she said with a pointed look at Grace, heartlessly indifferent to the plight of the rookie.

Grace's face fell. She sat down, dejected, without a word of protest.

Poor Grace. Jane spared a moment's sympathy for her, but otherwise had trouble concealing his glee. Now for phase two.

xxx

He followed Lisbon into her office. "We should take two cars," he announced as she took her sidearm out of her desk.

She fastened the holster to her hip. "Why?" she asked, still grumpy. "This is nothing but a huge waste of time."

"Maybe," Jane said with a shrug. "Maybe not. But what are you going to do if there's a dead body waiting at those coordinates? Won't it be easier to follow up on any potential leads if we have two cars?"

Since this was the reason the team most often split into two cars when driving any considerable distance in the first place, Lisbon could hardly argue the point. "I guess," she said grudgingly, picking up her keys and making sure she had her ID in her pocket. "But it's most likely an empty threat sent by some lonely crank with nothing better to do." Her eyes narrowed. "Hang on. You didn't send it, did you?"

Jane arched a brow at her. "Why would I do a thing like that?"

"Who the hell knows why you do any of the crazy things you do?" Lisbon said. "I wouldn't put it past you to send in the note to give yourself an excuse to go on a six hour picnic in the middle of a workday."

He filed away the notion in the event that further sabotage efforts might be needed in the future to derail Lisbon's attempts at romance. "Please," Jane said dismissively. "If I were going to stage an elaborate hoax, I'd come up with a far more creative name for my fake murderer than 'Joe Q. Public.'"

Lisbon considered this, but her long experience working with him apparently convinced her to accept that Jane would infuse more creativity into a plot of his own making. "I still think it's a waste of time," she said stubbornly, grabbing her phone and marching toward the door.

"Possible," Jane conceded. He followed her to the elevator and watched her punch the down button. "But won't it be easier to take two cars in the first place than to have all four of us stuck schlepping around together if there's something we need to follow up on?"

Lisbon scowled. She hated inefficiency. "Fine," she said sourly. "We'll split up. I'll ride with you in the death trap."

"Excellent," Jane said, pleased. It was a beautiful day for a drive with a grumpy companion. Who, if everything worked out to Jane's advantage, would not be going on a date that night, but would instead be in an adjoining room in a crappy hotel in the middle of nowhere, safely out of reach of any attractive EMTs. "We'll just stop by at your car to get your go bag and then I'll drive you in my car while Rigsby and Cho take the car from the van pool."

"We aren't spending the night down there!" Lisbon said, horrified. She got into the elevator. "We are going to go down there to indulge the paranoia of a bunch of overdramatic politicians," she said firmly to the elevator doors. "We'll be back this afternoon." She glanced worriedly at her watch. "We'll be back by four o clock, max."

Jane wondered what time her date was. He shrugged again. "Probably. I just assumed you'd want to be prepared, just in case we needed to stay down there for some reason."

Lisbon's shoulders slumped ever so slightly. "I suppose it makes sense to plan for the worst," she said, defeated.

The elevator doors dinged open. Jane put his hand at the small of her back. "Come along, my dear. There's no time to waste." He ushered her out of the elevator. "Don't forget we have to stop for sandwiches."

xxx

The desert was beautiful. Jane strolled along with his bag of sandwiches, admiring the landscape.

"How much further?" Lisbon asked, still grumpy.

Cho checked the GPS device. "About fifty feet."

Jane stopped and picked up a small round object. "Look at that," he said eagerly. "Look what I found."

Lisbon glanced over at him. "What is it?"

"It's a worm," Jane said with delight. "A fossilized worm." Ha. He bet Dominic Pasquale wouldn't know a fossilized worm if it got up and bit him. He probably had no sense of history and grandeur.

Lisbon seemed less than impressed. "I'm happy for you."

Cho came to a stop, still consulting the GPS. "This is it. This is the spot."

Rigsby checked his watch. "Eleven-oh-four and change. Right on time."

Lisbon squinted into the glare of the sunlight to scan the empty horizon before them. "For what?"

"There's still fifteen seconds to go," Cho informed them with military precision.

Jane didn't feel his discovery had been adequately appreciated. "You know, when this worm was alive, all of this desert was the floor of a great sea, and there were dinosaurs swimming above us."

"That is kind of awesome," Rigsby acknowledged.

Rigsby's wasn't the acknowledgment he was after, but he would take what he could get. "Sharks as big as buses," Jane said grandly, tossing the object to Cho. "Brilliantly colored sea monsters." He made a sweeping gesture to the landscape before them. "Those mountains were volcanos."

Cho examined the object and pronounced, "This is a goat turd, about six months old." He tossed it aside and made an effort to brush his hands clean.

Still," Jane said, valiantly trying to recover the majesty of the scene. "Giant sharks. Here."

Lisbon, however, didn't appear to be paying attention. She waited several more seconds, then said, "Okay. We've done our job. Somebody yanked our chain pretty good. Let's go." With that, she started to march back the way they'd come.

"Wait," Jane said, still thinking of Dominic Pasquale. "We should wait a little."

Lisbon rounded on him. "For what? What could possibly happen?"

Jane shrugged. "I have no idea. But it's a pleasant spot, and I have sandwiches." Far better fare than whatever they might have at McNally's Tavern, of that he was certain.

"Eat them in the car," Lisbon said, unmoved. "We've wasted enough time."

Conveniently, at that moment, a dead body fell from the sky.

Spared from the need for further machinations to torpedo Lisbon's evening, Jane peered at the corpse that had landed practically at his feet. Yes, he thought in satisfaction. That will do nicely.

The date at McNally's Tavern was officially toast.

Xxx

Jane was denied the opportunity to enjoy his picnic in quite the manner he had planned, so he ate his sandwich standing, while Lisbon asked the flight instructor questions about sabotaged parachutes.

A man named Faulk interrupted them, brusquely demanding that Lisbon keep him informed, then turning around and stalking towards a waiting limousine.

Jane looked at Lisbon expectantly. "You going to let him get away with that?"

"Hush," she said, but she called back Mr. Faulk. "Mr. Faulk. This is a murder investigation. You can't leave until we say you can leave."

Faulk made an insincere apology and politely requested whether he and his group of corporate sharks could leave. Jane watched the scene unfold and chewed his sandwich happily. Watching Lisbon put a fat cat in his place was one of his favorite things about this job. Really, the day was shaping up quite nicely.

Once she'd dismissed Faulk, Lisbon walked over to Rigsby and inquired why the body hadn't been moved from the scene yet. Jane trailed behind her, still eating his sandwich.

"Forensics is still working on it," Rigsby informed her.

"He fell from the sky," Lisbon groused. "What could they work on for an hour?" Apparently she hadn't quite given up on the date yet. Jane frowned into his sandwich but kept his peace.

"Forensics," Rigsby said with an indifferent shrug. "They won't be hurried." He didn't have a date.

Jane's day improved further when Lisbon received a phone call from Van Pelt, informing her that Joe Q. Public had sent another message to all the major media outlets. One that included a threat to Faulk and his cohort of fat cats.

Yep, Jane thought with glee as Lisbon swore under her breath and marched towards the car. Toast. He called after her, raising the bag in offering. "Want your sandwich?"

Xxx

He persuaded her to eat the sandwich in the car. She ate it mechanically, her mind going on overdrive as she planned out what would be needed to keep Faulk and his people protected in light of this new threat. Jane always enjoyed watching her think, so he left her to it, pleased that he'd managed to get the sandwich in her in the end.

They drove to the ranch where the Carnelian people were staying. Jane spent a very agreeable afternoon poking at Faulk. He was the most satisfying type of person to antagonize. Pompous and entitled, convinced of his own superior intelligence. Jane wasted no time in disabusing him of the notion that he was the smartest person in the room and elicited several useful pieces of information from him and his fellow corporate blood-suckers.

When Carnelian's "register of malcontents" turned out to include an ex-employee who worked at the airport where the chute had been cut, the verdict was in. Not about the killer, of course, it was too early for that. But the date had received the seal of fate. "I guess we'd better stay," Lisbon said, defeated. After spending the afternoon with the Carnelian people, she'd just sent Cho and Rigsby to pick up Lee Skelling and escort him back to holding in Sacramento. "We'll have to follow up with Skelling's wife in the morning. No point in driving back this late in the day just to turn around and come straight back here in the morning."

Jane hid his glee. "Whatever you think is best," he said mildly.

It was early evening by this point. They checked into a run-down roadside motel, their assigned rooms side by side.

Jane lay down on the bed, intending to catch a short catnap. Instead, he stared at the ceiling and analyzed the pattern of the water damage in the right corner of the room. If he turned his head just so, it kind of looked like a dragon.

A moment later, he heard the familiar murmur of Lisbon's voice through the shared wall. He couldn't make out the words, but he deduced she was on the phone with Dominic, likely apologizing for missing their date. The sound of her low laugh carrying faintly through the wall struck a hollow chord in his chest. He tamped down the feeling of jealousy the sound prompted in him, but once he'd reminded himself for the umpteenth time that she deserved to have someone dote on her, he was left with nothing but a flat, desolate feeling in the cavity of his chest.

At the sound of another low chuckle floating through the wall, he jumped up from the bed. He grabbed his key and let himself out of the room as quietly as possible. Restraint was one thing, but no amount of reasoning with himself changed the fact that he didn't want to listen to Lisbon being charmed by another man.

To distract himself, he meandered over to the reception desk of the hotel and made a few inquiries. He managed to acquire a map of the area and sat down in one of the cheap vinyl chairs in the lobby to study it. He successfully killed fifteen minutes in this fashion. He checked the clock and determined it was probably safe to return now.

He walked up to Lisbon's door and listened closely. He couldn't hear any talking. He strained a little and thought he heard the faint tap tap of Lisbon typing on her laptop. He groaned inwardly. Honestly, the woman didn't know how to take a break.

He weighed his options. The objective was to persuade Lisbon to have dinner with him. If she was already in her pajamas, though, she might not feel like going out again. He thought about the last time he'd seen her in her jammies – those long, pale, slender legs –

He shook his head a little to clear it. Focus on the plan, he told himself sternly. The plan was this: if she was in her jammies, he'd offer to pick up take out. Once he returned with food, he'd have the perfect excuse to worm his way into her motel room and spend the evening stealing glances at her legs. If she wasn't in her jammies, he'd whisk her out for dinner and drive all thoughts of Dominic Pasquale and his shiny teeth from her mind.

He knocked.

When she opened the door, she was still wearing her black jeans and red t-shirt, though she'd removed her shoes and blazer and taken her hair out of its smooth ponytail. Jane quelled a flicker of disappointment about the legs and flashed a brilliant smile. "Hello. Hungry?"

Lisbon glanced back at the laptop sitting on her bed with a frown. "I really need to finish this report for the AG's office," she said reluctantly.

"Nonsense," Jane said. "You've got to eat."

"I am a little hungry," she admitted.

Jane tilted his head in invitation. "Come on. I have it on very good authority that we're just up the road from the best enchiladas in a fifty mile radius."

Lisbon raised her eyebrows. "Is that because they're the only anything within a fifty mile radius?"

"Does it matter?" Jane countered.

She sighed. "I suppose not."

"Good. Now, come along, my dear."

She retrieved her shoes and jacket and joined him outside.

"I'm sorry you had to miss your date," Jane said without sincerity. He tried to inject a note of false earnestness to make up for it.

She hesitated a fraction of a second as she pulled the door closed behind her. She ducked her head infinitesimally. "S'okay."

He watched her closely. "Are you disappointed?"

Again, she hesitated. Then she surprised him by admitting, "A little."

Jane regretted asking, but he didn't allow it to show. He'd committed to his role, he needed to play it out. He placed his hand at the small of her back and ushered her towards the parking lot. "Come on. I'll buy you a margarita so you can drown your sorrows."

Forty minutes later, he had her laughing oaver a platter of what had turned out to be actually quite excellent enchiladas. Watching her smile across the table at him, the flat, empty place in his chest filled up with a warm, pleasant feeling.

He beamed at her as she commandeered the last of the chips and salsa. Take that, Dominic Pasquale, he thought smugly, and flagged the waiter down to order her a second margarita.

xxx

They spoke to Skelling's wife first thing in the morning. After their conversation with her, Lisbon called Cho and got an update on his interrogation of the man himself. Lisbon and Jane both found Skelling's connection with Carnelian Prime very interesting, though for different reasons. In any case, Jane's curiosity dovetailed nicely with Lisbon's desire for him to interrogate Skelling himself, so they got back in the car and drove north.

Jane found the interview of Skelling just as interesting as he'd hoped, and he exited the interrogation room confident in his conviction that Skelling hadn't killed Whittaker.

Lisbon fell into step beside him as she came out of the observation room. "I know," she said, forestalling him as they walked down the hall together. "I can read your mind."

"Oh, you can? Really?" Jane said, amused.

"You're thinking that Mr. Skelling is innocent and we should release him." Without waiting for a response, she barked, "Cho!" in the general direction of the bullpen, not missing a step as she continued towards her office.

"That's amazing," Jane said, thoroughly delighted. "That's exactly what I was thinking. How do you do that?" He followed her into her office. "Let me try. You're thinking Jane is right. The man is innocent and we should let him go."

"No," Lisbon said. "I think you just want him to be innocent because his guilt would be too simple. He's got motive, opportunity, and no alibi."

All of these things were true. While Jane struggled to marshal his argument, Cho stuck his head in with a terse, "Yeah, boss?"

"Let Lee Skelling go," Lisbon instructed him.

Cho's brow furrowed. "You sure?"

"We have no hard evidence against him," she said, with a pointed look at Jane.

"Okay," Cho said. "Will do."

Thus spared of having to persuade her to let Mr. Skelling go, Jane immediately began in on his next project of persuasion. "We should go talk to the Carnelian executives again. Throw a cat among the pigeons."

Lisbon seemed less than thrilled with this idea. "You think? Why?"

"Well, what if this isn't about what it looks like it's about?" Jane said. "What if it's about something else entirely?"

"Like?"

Jane shrugged. "I dunno."

"So you're suggesting we throw a blind cat among the pigeons," Lisbon concluded.

Jane grinned, pleased with the analogy. "Yeah."

Lisbon considered this. "No."

Jane only grinned wider and headed to the kitchen. He would have her persuaded by the time he was done making himself a cup of tea, he was certain of it.

Predictably, only about five seconds passed before Lisbon followed him out to the kitchen. "You seriously want to drive all the way back down there for the purpose of throwing a blind cat?"

Jane took his tea cup out of the cupboard. "Sure. Why not?"

"We literally just got back from there," Lisbon huffed. "You want to drive three more hours there and back for no reason?"

"What have we got to lose?" Jane countered, putting the kettle on to boil. He raised his eyebrows at her. "Unless you don't want to go because you have another date or something."

Lisbon scowled. "That has nothing to do with it. I just don't want to spend hours on end in that blue matchbox car to no productive purpose."

Jane ignored the slight to his car. "I'm sure what's his name wouldn't mind rescheduling again, if it seemed like we might get back too late." Which they almost certainly would, given that it was afternoon now and the round trip ride would take six hours at minimum.

"I told him I would call him to reschedule after the case was closed, anyway, so that's hardly to the point," Lisbon said defensively.

"That's good, way to play hard to get. Keep him dangling a little longer. That way, he'll be ready to bend over backwards to please you once you finally do go on your date," Jane advised.

Lisbon groaned. "Would you shut up about the damn date?"

"I'm just saying—"

"Fine!" she cut him off hastily. "We can go talk to the Carnelian people again. But you're driving." She turned on her heel and stalked back to her office.

Jane smiled to himself and waited for the kettle to boil.

Xxx

"You threw a cat all right," Lisbon said several hours later as they walked back to Jane's car after interrogating the Carnelian executives. Her voice was heavy with sarcasm. "What valuable insights did you glean as a result?"

"Nothing, really," Jane admitted. "A bit disappointing, really."

"Maybe, just maybe, this case is about exactly what it looks like it's about. Bitter unsub with a grudge against rich fat cats."

Maybe. But Jane didn't think so. "Nice drive, anyway."

"Nice three hour drive," Lisbon said sourly.

"I'm hungry," Jane said. "You hungry?" There was no point in rushing back. Lisbon may have had her own plan to keep Dominic Pasquale dangling on the line, but he, Jane, wasn't taking any chances.

Xxx

He persuaded her to stop at a fruit stand.

"You know what's weird about those guys?" Lisbon said, taking a bite of a strawberry as they walked back to Jane's car together. "None of them seem to give a damn. A colleague falls out of the sky and they seem okay with it. Is that guilt or indifference?"

Of course loyal team leader Lisbon would find their lack of emotion over their colleague's death offensive. Jane took a bite of his apple and hastened to reassure her. "Corporate brainwashing. Turns them into robots. Grief isn't productive, that's all."

"I don't buy that," Lisbon said. "People make up their own minds. You can't brainwash them."

"Sure you can," Jane said lazily, enjoying the sensation of walking next to her, side by side. "That's what these corporate retreats are for. Primitive brainwashing via group suffering. It's like office karaoke, or fraternity hazing."

Lisbon was still skeptical. "How so?"

"When the individual is humiliated, their perceived value of the group is raised," Jane explained, taking another bite of his apple and leaning against the Citroen.

He watched her close her lips over another plump strawberry, and then throw away the stem. "I went on a retreat when I got promoted to head of the unit. I wasn't humiliated. I wasn't brainwashed."

"So you say."

"I wasn't," Lisbon insisted, coming to lean against the hood of the car next to him. "It was useful actually."

It was Jane's turn for skepticism. "How so?"

"Learning communication and leadership skills. Building trust," Lisbon said, taking another bite of strawberry. "Something you could profit from."

Jane paused mid-bite. "What's that mean?" he asked, his mouth full of apple.

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Like you don't know you have major trust issues."

Jane had a queer feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was pretty sure it didn't have anything to do with the apple. "I trust people." Okay, he didn't trust many people. But still… "I trust you."

"No you don't," Lisbon said matter of factly. "And I don't trust you either."

Jane, suddenly didn't feel very hungry anymore. He tossed his apple core into a bin a few yards away. "It's upsetting to hear that." Particularly upsetting was the clear, casual conviction behind her words. As though the statement were self-evident, not to admit the least bit of doubt. Surely, she had to know—

He tilted his head. "Really, you don't trust me?"

"Of course not," Lisbon scoffed. "How many times have you lied to me? Misled me, tricked me? Is that trust? No."

"Well, we'll have to remedy this," Jane said with conviction. "Let's do a trust fall."

The furrow between Lisbon's brows deepened. "A trust fall."

"Yes, I'm sure you did one on your CBI retreat. It's where you turn around, fall backward and I catch you."

"Oh yes. We did do that," Lisbon said, remembering. She looked at Jane square in the eye. "No."

Jane was pathetically disappointed. "You won't?"

"We have a long drive still," Lisbon said, turning and heading towards the other side of the car.

Jane followed her, not ready to let the idea go. "Ah. Here we have two co-workers recognizing the boundaries of their professional relationship." She turned to face him and he gestured between them. "See, you want to trust me, but something's holding you back."

"Yes," Lisbon agreed. "You're untrustworthy. It's my job not to trust you."

"Lisbon, I want you to know that you can trust me." He stopped thinking of Dominic Pasquale and the Carnelian people. Instead, the truth, so jealously guarded, bubbled up and spilled over, not entirely of his own volition. "No matter what happens, I will be there for you. I will." He ducked his head so he could look deeper into her eyes. "I need you to know that."

Plus, now he really wanted to catch her.

Lisbon looked torn. Her clear green eyes scanned his face, searching for signs of deceit. Finally she gave the tiniest jerk of her head, acknowledging the sentiment, if not fully convinced she could accept it at face value.

Jane held out his arms. "Now can I catch you?"

Lisbon made a 'do I have to?' face. "Come on…"

"Please?" Jane pressed.

Lisbon grimaced. Seeing that Jane wasn't about to let it go, she eventually capitulated. "Fine."

She turned around. Jane saw her hunching up her shoulders as though trying to brace herself for a fall. Honestly, did the woman really think he was going to drop her in the dirt after such a heartfelt declaration? "Come on," he urged her.

She took a deep breath, and let herself fall back.

Just, well, to be him, he let her get pretty close to the ground before catching her. He caught her neatly and hoisted her slight frame back upright. "See?" he said, beaming as she turned around to face him again. "You can trust me."

"Oh, wow, that worked," Lisbon said sarcastically. "Suddenly I trust you."

"Ah-ha," Jane said, smiling. It was progress, anyway.

They walked back to the car. "I allow you to drive me around the country in this contraption," Lisbon said, gesturing to the Citroen. "That's serious trust."

Jane saw what she did there. She was mocking him, yes, but she was still getting in the car, despite her many, many complaints about the "contraption" and his style of driving. This was her underhanded way of reassuring him while making fun of him at the same time. She was really the only person he'd ever met who could do that.

Xxx

Jane reflected on trust while they drove back towards Sacramento. Okay, so she might have some legitimate reservations when it came to trusting him. But why on earth would Lisbon think he didn't trust her? She was the most trustworthy person he knew.

An uncomfortable feeling settled into his chest. He trusted her implicitly. It was true he didn't always share his plans with her. But, well… it was so fun to surprise her.

That wasn't the whole truth, though. He forced himself to acknowledge the reality of the situation. He held back from her. Not just about their cases—if it were just that, he didn't think she would have accused him of not trusting her. Not the regular cases, anyway. The Red John case—maybe it was a little about that. But even that didn't seem enough by itself to account for the critical statement. You don't trust me.

She had to know he needed to protect her. It was so blindingly obvious to Jane. Impossible that she could not know how critical it was to keep her out of Red John's sights. So that couldn't be it, surely.

Use your head, Paddy. A voice that sounded suspiciously like Angela's whispered in his ear. You were right the first time around. But you're thinking about it all wrong.

Which meant that it must be the sharing thing, then. All right then. The truth. He held back from her. Not just to protect her, but also to protect himself. To guard the most intimate parts of himself. Especially those dark places he didn't want anyone to see. Was it possible she was sensing that reservation and interpreting it as a lack of trust?

He scowled to himself. He did let her in, though. More than anyone else. More than he ought. Usually when he least planned to.

He cast a glance at Lisbon beside him, her eyes closed and her mouth softly parted. Watching her in the darkness, he wondered when exactly she'd become the person he trusted most in the world.

He raked a hand through his hair, frustrated. The trouble was that the protecting her and the fear and the holding himself back were all tangled up together. He didn't know how to untangle that knot and make himself more worthy of her trust.

Maybe that was why she was interested in Dominic Pasquale, he thought sourly. Dominic Pasquale was probably open and honest and completely, guilelessly trustworthy. His scowl deepened. Stupid trustworthy EMTs and their too-white teeth.

For the thousandth time, he reminded himself that this line of thinking was completely useless. He should be doing everything in his power to encourage Lisbon to keep her distance, not fretting in the middle of the night because she said she didn't trust him.

He needed to stop thinking in circles. He needed a distraction.

Fortunately, his favorite distraction happened to be right next to him.

He glanced over to his right again. "Talk to me," he sing-songed.

Lisbon didn't open her eyes, but her forehead crinkled in that cute way of hers. "Do I have to?" Her voice was sleep-softened and way, way too appealing to be beneficial to his sanity.

Perhaps the distraction wasn't such a good idea after all. Jane returned his eyes to the road and kept them fixed straight ahead. "No. I could just fall asleep and we could drift into oncoming traffic. Your call."

Lisbon blinked herself awake with a sigh. She cast about for a topic of conversation to help keep him awake. "Have you seen any good movies lately?"

Jane considered this. When was the last time he'd even been to a movie, anyway? "No. You?"

Lisbon, still waking up, took a moment to marshal her answer. "No," she said finally.

"Interesting," Jane said. He hunched a little in the driver's seat. If she started dating Dominic Pasquale, they'd probably go to lots of movies. That was the sort of thing nice, normal, trustworthy men did with their dates. He'd take her to action flicks and buy her popcorn and put his arm around her in the dark.

Lisbon's phone rang. Thank God. Jane loosened his grip on the steering wheel and forced himself to take deep, calming breaths.

"Van Pelt," Lisbon said into the phone by way of greeting. "What's up?"

He heard Van Pelt's urgent tones, muffled against Lisbon's ear.

"What's she saying?" Jane asked in a stage whisper.

Lisbon flapped her hand at him to be quiet. "Another threat from Joe Q. Public," she said in a low voice.

"What does it say?" Jane whispered loudly.

"In a minute," Lisbon said. Once Van Pelt had read it to her, she repeated it back to him. "When all go to bed, they best say their good-byes. For prompt at my bidding, all things will rise, and the king of the rats will meet his demise."

She said her good-byes to Van Pelt while Jane puzzled over the riddle.

"What does that mean, 'all things will rise?'" Jane mused aloud. King of the rats. That could only mean one person. Go to bed—that was clearly a reference to night time, possibly to a bedroom. All things will rise… "Ohhh," he said, and quickly shifted the gears so he could turn the car around.

"What?" Lisbon asked as he shifted back into high gear. "What does it mean?"

"He's planted a bomb to kill Faulk," Jane said, and pressed the gas pedal to the floor.

Xxx

They got back to the ranch at 11:48 PM. Jane picked the lock to the front door before Lisbon could protest, and then they raced up the stairs to Faulk's room.

Jane flipped on the light, startling Faulk, and immediately got down on his hands and knees to search for the bomb. He spied it under the bed after less than five seconds. "There it is," he said, pointing from his position on the ground. "Told you so." With that, he got up and backed hastily out of the room. The bomb was quite large and ominous looking.

"There's no need to gloat," Lisbon said, annoyed. She remained calm as she attempted to impress the urgency of the situation onto Mr. Faulk, who seemed to be a bit slow to comprehend that he was lying on top of a pile of explosives. "Mr. Faulk, there is an explosive device of some kind under your bed."

"Oh, my God," Faulk said, scrambling to get out of the bed.

"Wait!" Lisbon said, holding out a hand to forestall him.

"What do you mean, 'wait?'" Faulk said, panicked.

"Just—let me get a better look." Lisbon dropped to her knees and peered under the bed. Jane inched forward in case he needed to snatch her away from the scene in a hurry. He didn't care that much if Faulk got blown up, but he wasn't about to let Lisbon suffer for the sins of the king of the rats.

"No," Lisbon said from her position on the floor. "I don't think there's a pressure trigger."

"You don't think?"

"I'm sure it doesn't," Lisbon said, getting to her feet. "The timer's set to go off in ten minutes, so we have plenty of time. If you'll just get out of the bed slowly… we do not want to jar the device in any way."

Faulk gingerly climbed out of bed.

Jane gave into temptation. "Boom!"

Faulk flinched.

Lisbon shot him a death glare. "For God's sake." With that, she took out her phone and called the bomb squad as she exited the room.

"I'm sorry," he said to her retreating back. He smirked at Faulk. "I couldn't resist."

Xxx

The bomb squad arrived in short order, but there wasn't enough time for them to go in and defuse it before the timer was scheduled to blow, so they made sure everyone was out of the house and advised that it would be best to wait for the device to go off from a safe distance.

But the bomb didn't go off. The minutes stretched into hours, and… nothing. The Carnelian people, cranky over being pulled out of bed over yet another threat to their lives, gave up first and went to a hotel for the remainder of the night.

Jane wondered if he and Lisbon ought to do the same, but of course Lisbon was determined to stay until they got to the bottom of this latest threat. Still, they'd both had a long day, with nine hours in the car over and above all the usual investigating, interrogating, and life-saving. By three am, with no sign that the bomb was going to go off anytime soon, Lisbon was starting to droop.

They were leaning on his car again, a little ways off from the bomb squad guys, who were waiting patiently and smoking cigarettes as they waited for the bomb to go off. Jane could see the lit tips glowing in the dark.

"I wish the damn thing would just go off already," Lisbon grumbled, stifling a yawn.

"We could go to a hotel and get some sleep until it does," Jane pointed out. "I'm sure Officer Granger would call you the minute the scene is clear, if you asked him nicely." He'd noticed Officer Beefcake eyeing Lisbon appreciatively as she'd briefed him on the device they'd seen under Faulk's bed. He suppressed a groan. Dominic Pasquale was bad enough, now he had to worry about this guy? What was with these overly muscular men cruising crime scenes for women, anyway? He might have to yield her to others on a non-professional basis, but Lisbon was his crime scene buddy. He wasn't about to let her get poached by Officer Beefcake.

Lisbon shook her head, oblivious to his plots against Officer Beefcake. "The choice of device could be significant. I don't want to waste any time once the scene is clear. If Joe Q. Public figures out his bomb attempt didn't work, he might turn around and try something else."

"Okay," Jane said amiably. While Lisbon was beside him, he had no objection to waiting indefinitely.

He watched her surreptitiously rub her arms in the cool night air. She was cold and cranky, and still stubbornly committed to duty.

"Amazing how cold the desert can get at night, isn't it?" he remarked idly.

"Yeah," Lisbon muttered, unconsciously shifting closer to his warmth. "Amazing."

Jane straightened up and walked around to the back of his car. He opened the trunk and rummaged around until he found an old Mexican blanket buried in the back. He came back around to the side of the car and wrapped it around her, tucking in the edges so she was bundled up not unlike a papoose.

Lisbon, surprised, blinked at him owlishly in the dark. "Thanks," she muttered, drawing the blanket in closer to her.

He leaned against the car again, as close as he dared. She'd leaned into him, after all, he reasoned. There was no sense in giving up ground gained. Five minutes later, she was still shivering, and he indulged the instinct to put his arm around her. He drew her closer and rubbed her arm vigorously.

"What are you doing?" she mumbled sleepily, trying to jerk away. The recoil of her action ultimately ended up placing her even closer to him than before.

"Warming you up," Jane said softly. "Shh."

"Mm," she grunted in acknowledgment, and stopped fighting. Within moments, her entire body had listed towards him and she'd started to nod off on his shoulder.

Jane kept his arm around her. As the hours passed, he watched the abandoned ranch house beneath the desert sky and felt something very like contentment.

Xxx

Shortly before dawn, the bomb squad decided enough time had passed that the bomb no longer posed an active threat, and they went inside. An hour and a half later, Officer Beefcake stood with Jane and Lisbon over the remains of the bomb and explained to them all sorts of bomb related things which Jane felt could be summed up as 'whoever made this knew what the heck they were doing.'

As soon as Lisbon heard the words 'army ordinance,' she came to the unfortunate conclusion that Lee Skelling with his experience as a Ranger was most likely behind the device. Jane disagreed, but he went along to talk to Jessie Skelling anyway. He liked Jessie Skelling and their little family. It really was a shame Rat King Faulk had cheated them out of the money they deserved.

"Lisbon," Jane said when they left the Skelling place. "We should stop and get some sleep."

Lisbon looked at him like he'd suggested handing over her service weapon to a troupe of dancing bears. "We need to get back to Sacramento."

"Lisbon, you literally fell asleep standing up last night. You only got about three hours, tops. If we don't stop to rest, that whole 'drifting into oncoming traffic' scenario is likely to become a reality."

Lisbon shook her head. "There's no time, Jane. Skelling already has a head start on us."

"Of course there is. What are you going to do, wander through the mountains in search of Lee Skelling on less than three hours of sleep? The man was an Army Ranger, Lisbon. He knows how to hide his tracks. The forest rangers aren't even going to be able to find him. Besides, it will be much easier to figure out who the real killer is once we've gotten a little rest."

"Assuming you're right about Lee Skelling being innocent," Lisbon pointed out.

"Which I am," Jane said confidently. "So let's go back to the hotel and get some sleep."

"Jane, it's nine am. They're not going to want to rent a room to us at this time of day just for a couple hours. They're probably busy cleaning out the rooms, anyway."

Jane didn't think the hotel management of that esteemed establishment would care, actually, but instead of making a joke about things that men and women sometimes did together when renting a motel room in the middle of the day, he said, "So rent it for the whole night."

"We are not spending the night here again," Lisbon said with certainty.

"So what? It will be less expensive for the state if you pay for an extra night than if one of us causes a car crash because we're too exhausted to drive."

Lisbon scowled, which was her way of indicating that she'd realized that he was right. "Fine. But you're explaining the expense report to Minelli."

"I'd be happy to," Jane said, unconcerned.

At this, her brain apparently went to the same place his had been for the last several moments, because she turned bright red and said hastily, "You know what? Never mind. I'll take care of it myself."

Xxx

Later that afternoon, after they'd slept, showered, and gotten into fresh clothes, they got in the car yet again and headed back to Sacramento. Jane enjoyed the drive. They didn't talk much, but passed most of the drive in companionable silence.

aThey met with the team in the bullpen when they got back and compared notes. After their brainstorming session, they'd identified Nadia Sobell as a potential suspect and Jane felt they were finally getting somewhere.

"Well," he said to Lisbon with a grin. "Looks like somebody's going to have to head back down to the ranch and talk to Ms. Sobell now, doesn't it?"

"No way," she said, waggling a finger at him. She turned to Cho and Rigsby. "Your turn to drive to the desert."

Ah, well. Jane supposed another long car ride with Lisbon was too much to hope for.

But in fact, it wasn't.

Cho called Lisbon's phone precisely three and a half hours later, informing her that Sobell was dead.

"I can't believe this," Lisbon said to Jane in her office, steam practically pouring from her ears. "We pick out Sobell for the murders, and the next minute she ends up dead right in front of us. If the press get wind of this, it'll be a nightmare. We're going to have to go down there again."

"Relax," Jane admonished her. "Why should anybody find out we suspected her? As far as the press know, it's Joe Q. Public picking off one more executive to drive home his point."

Lisbon's shoulders slumped. "I am so tired of driving all over hell and back for this stupid case. I really, really don't want to spend another night down there," she said morosely. They were entering dangerous territory—this was about as close to whiny as Lisbon ever got. Her lower lip jutted out slightly in an unconscious pout. Jane realized he was going to have to do something. The pout was making him a bit light-headed.

Mid-morning nap notwithstanding, she looked exhausted. Secretly, Jane was pleased at the prospect of being in close quarters with her again for the drive back down to the ranch, but he recognized that Lisbon was fast approaching the level of crankiness that had the potential to tip into outright misery. And for all his selfish ways, he didn't want her to be miserable.

There was only one thing for it. He was going to have to solve the case straight away. He calculated quickly. He'd need some supplies, but…yes, he could definitely wrap this up in short order. He stood and pulled her up. "Not to worry, Lisbon," he assured her. "You won't have to spend another night down there. I guarantee you'll have your case solved by the end of the day."

"Really?" she asked hopefully.

"Absolutely." He placed his hand at the small of her back. "Come on. I'll let you sleep in the car."

Hoodwinking Faulk into exposing himself was just as satisfying as Jane hoped it would be. He was so glad it had turned out to be Faulk. It was always gratifying when someone so thoroughly unlikable ended up being the guilty party.

Back at HQ, he persuaded Faulk to confess in exchange for a deal. Once Faulk had signed the check, he made sure it made its way into an envelope to be sent to its intended destination by registered mail.

He met Lisbon in the hall after the confession had been secured and the check had been sent down to the mail room. "See, Lisbon?" he said, rocking back on his heels. "I told you I'd solve the case by the end of the day."

"Yes, you did," she said indulgently. "Even if you did scare poor Mr. Cooby half to death."

"Meh," Jane said, unconcerned. "He's a tough old bird. He's survived worse than that."

"I'm glad you thought of having Faulk send that money to the Skellings," she said. "That was nice of you."

Jane shrugged. "He earned it."

"Still." She touched his arm lightly. "Good work today."

Jane felt lighter than air.

Xxx

The next evening, Jane was on his couch, feeling a bit flat. He had his Sudoku book again, but instead of working on the puzzles, he was turning the book over and over in his hands, brooding. Lisbon had left at five to meet Dominic Pasquale for an early drink. Jane was feeling a little distressed. Not about the date—okay, a little bit about the date—but because he'd effectively spent over seventy-two hours in her company non-stop, and far from being tired of her, now he missed her after they'd only been separated a handful of hours. This was deeply troubling.

He couldn't decide which was more troubling, this revelation, or the way his heart leapt when he heard the elevator ding and he saw her get off the elevator wearing tight jeans, high-heeled boots, and a slinky top of deep violet. The shiny violet top somehow made his imagination go into overdrive despite the fact that technically it covered more of her skin than he was accustomed to seeing on a routine basis. Her hair fell down her back in a loose riot of curls that in combination with the shirt and a touch of smoky eye makeup, made his mouth go rather dry.

Seeing him on the couch, she gave him a small nod, but didn't pause on the way to her office. Abandoning all pretense, he watched her through the open blinds. She didn't sit down, but grabbed a sheet of paper from her filing cabinet and spent several minutes writing on it, still standing bent over her desk. When she was finished, she signed her name and put the sheet of paper in the fax machine, then jabbed the send button. Once she'd gotten the send receipt, she stuck it in the filing cabinet. Then she came out to the bullpen.

"Hey," she said, leaning against Van Pelt's desk.

Jane swallowed, a little off balance from the proximity of the silky purple shirt. Good thing he was lying down. "Hey, yourself."

"You're here late," she remarked.

"Meh," Jane said. "Just… thinking about things." He regarded her for a moment. "I wasn't expecting to see you back here tonight. Everything go okay on the date with what's his name?"

She shook her head. "It was a bust," she admitted. Her expression was more rueful than disappointed, however.

Jane sat up, since the angle from which he was currently viewing the purple top seemed to be making him rather dizzy. "What happened?"

She shrugged. "He was nice. We just didn't have much in common."

"Really?" Jane said in wonder. What kind of idiot couldn't manufacture at least one iota of interest in sports or guns with the incentive of engaging the attention of Teresa Lisbon? Of course, he didn't care about sports or guns himself, but he and Lisbon had much more important things in common. Like justice and a hatred of rich, entitled murderers.

"He's into BMX biking," Lisbon explained. "He spent half of dinner explaining the technique for a 360 tailwhip, and my mind kept wandering to this form I forgot to submit before I left. I figured if I'm on a date and all I can think about is form 442B, that can't be a good sign."

Jane, heart leaping for joy, agreed gravely that it wasn't a good sign.

Lisbon checked her watch. "It's early. Do you want to see if we can catch a movie?"

"Sure," Jane said. "What's playing?"

Lisbon thought for a moment. "I have no idea."

"No matter," Jane said, getting to his feet. He wasn't about to let this opportunity go to waste. He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards the elevator. "We'll figure it out when we get there."

They ended up picking a psychological thriller because it was due to start ten minutes after they arrived at the theater. Jane bought the popcorn and when he saw her eyeing them, a package of junior mints. The movie wasn't particularly good – he pegged the culprit in the first ten minutes – but he didn't care. He was sitting next to Lisbon in the dark, his shoulder brushing hers, sharing popcorn and stealing her candy (the junior mints had become hers the moment they'd sit down) every chance he got. For now, this one single moment, life was good.

For the rest, he'd just have to have a little trust.