as always, i do not own the selection nor hetalia. these belong to kiera cass and himaruya hidekaz respectively.
Oh, what had he done wrong now?
The prince looked as if he'd been struck by a two ton bull. What had been an initially pleasant conversation had almost led to further bodily contact between them, and then he'd recoiled as sharply as he did the day they first met. His head was dithering, and all the sunniness had been sucked out of his body, leaving him in a more miserable position than Arthur had seen him in before.
When he talked in the interview about another side to the prince, he wasn't expecting this at all.
"Alfred," Arthur said, not quite sure how to handle the situation except in a gentlemanly fashion. "Alfred, what's wrong? There's nothing to apologise for."
"...Huh?" His response was short and startled. Dragging his gaze from his floor, their eyes met for a moment. He adjusted his glasses, unable to stop his fingers shaking. "I mean...sorry, say that again?"
"There's, er, nothing to apologise for," Arthur said – calling him untouchable was what had seemingly upset him, perhaps he disliked being labelled like so. "Did I upset you, by saying that you were untouchable? I apologise, but I was being honest in my feelings."
"I...I guess, yeah," Alfred responded, clearly holding back some form of emotion. "It's just that people have treated me with gloves all my life, so it felt really nice for you to call me by just my name. Yanno. That's why I'm kinda overbearing on you with that, I'm sorry. But just you calling me your friend back, and indulging me with my silly requests...it felt like you were gonna stop. And I kinda freaked out, I'm sorry. I'm not good with-" he gestured weakly at the room, hands waving all over the place until Arthur realised he was speaking about the Deciding. "-this. Any of it."
"If it makes you feel better," Arthur said, sitting down once more. He quickly followed suit, wiping his glasses on his white shirt uncertainly, and gaze catching on the firm tremor of Arthur's Adam's apple. "Neither am I. You've heard the criticisms about holding facility candidates, I'm sure. And I felt as if I could have prevented the incident in the Drawing Room had I not been so abrasive, but that's neither here nor there. Point is, Alfred, that's all right if you feel out of place, as everyone else is here too. And don't think your requests are silly, I understand why you'd want to do them."
The dark cloud that had been hanging over the blond's expression lifted. "Really?" he exclaimed, visibly perking up, shuffling his chair closer to Arthur with a snag of his foot. "At least, umm...I think everyone expects some kinda perfection outta me. And that's scary, but I'm doing my best to deal with it, even though everyone makes me nervous."
Arthur couldn't resist, the temptation was far too tantalising. "Even me?" he teased, but was surprised when Alfred broke their eye contact, covered his mouth with his right hand and blushed.
He hadn't thought of the prince as someone that could be considered cute, but...
"Uh...yeah. E-Especially you." Alfred stammered, bright scarlet written all over his cheeks. Arthur could hear the sound of his immaculately pressed shoes fidget on the marble floor, drowned out by the feeling of heat rushing through his own ears. He repeated it again, much more slowly that he had before. "Especially you, Arthur."
"Wait...wait," he replied shakily, tripping over his words in his shock. "You mean-"
It had been so soon! Arthur thought, panicking in spite of himself. What...how...
The prince cleared his throat, barely meeting his confused and embarrassed gaze. "When, I, uh, asked you about what your opinion of me, I kinda, uh, also wanted to know...about your f-feelings towards me. Kinda. Sorta."
Arthur could only gape, rendered without a barbed taunt. How could he do such a thing when His Highness was so clearly vulnerable? "Does that mean you're..."
Interested in me in a way beyond friends? Confused about our relationship, as I am as well?
Something else...?
"It's only been around a few weeks," Alfred mumbled, jamming his hands in his pockets once more, "But I kinda...want to ask. It is possible that you, uh, could feel the same way? N-N-Not now, of course, but down the line."
"..." Arthur didn't know what to say. Surely the buffoon knew the rules of his own contest? But having feelings for him...o-of course, it was only because of the rules that he was...considering the possibility...just because of that. There was no other reason...
But when he saw the tiny, hopeful smile tugging gingerly at Alfred's lips, Arthur realised that, just for the time being, he couldn't deflect both himself and the prince.
He's even more helpless than I thought... "Alfred, you are...aware that we're expected to have feelings for you, entering this competition, yes?"
"I mean," Alfred said, "Of course I'd like that, but I do understand that things change, you know? Not everything's a fairy tale, and we can't expect that kinda stuff to happen in real life all the time. I've always hoped to marry for love in a Deciding, but that's just it. A hope. Sounds dumb, huh?"
Arthur could pick out a bashfulness within the embarrassed babbling, and felt a new pang of sympathy for the prince. The Deciding was a rite of tradition; it wasn't as if he really had a choice to go through with it or not. Taking a deep breath, he reached out and gently placed it on top of Alfred's hand, inadvertedly feeling his calloused knuckles. What was he doing? This was so foolish, it...
Alfred sharply inhaled, his mouth opening slightly with shock. "Arthur-"
"Alfred...it's not foolish to want to love your future queen," Arthur said - he daren't move his hand, or any other muscle in his body. "Don't ever think that. I'm certain that everyone in the competition would want to hold your heart dear to them. It's just a matter of finding whom you hold dearest. It doesn't take a lot of reading of romantic novels to know that."
That might not be true, but how can I say that to him? Not when he's so hopeful, like this. It's worse that I don't even understand my own feelings towards him. I want him to know that he can succeed, beyond the mask he's made for himself. He's also holding back, but I understand that he might have even deeper reasons than I do.
The prince peered at him from underneath his fringe. "You really think it's not selfish?" he mumbled thickly, tilting his head, his hair dangling in his eyes even more. "You know, I'm the prince and everything. And it's not just my future partner; it's also the person that helps complete the Primary Suit. I can't help but feel that it's selfish. It's sorta an unspoken rule, but the sooner the Deciding ends, the better it is for everyone."
"At the cost of your own happiness?" Arthur pressed. "Surely you must trust your own judgement."
He frowned, and Arthur quickly decided that he wasn't nearly as big of a fan of his frustrated face than his cheerful one. "I do, but...I doubt myself more than ever. Yao and Matt already are full fledged members of the Primary Suit, whilst I don't really have much experience in the role of a king. You know I don't act as a royal should-"
"You don't need to tell me..."
"Hey, that's mean! But I'm right, right? I'm inexperienced, and there's so much I gotta improve on, and, and I dunno if I'll be able to complete the process correctly, and-and-and I'm so nervous but I don't even know who to ask about this sort of stuff, and-" Before either of them knew it, tears were falling into Alfred's lap, a slow steady drip that sent tremors through his own ears. "I'm scared, Arthur. I'm really scared, and I hate saying it because it's not heroic, but I'm so scared, sometimes. And I'm sorry for coming on so heavy like this...!"
Remembering the warmth of the hug that night in the gardens, Arthur gingerly moved forward and tried to communicate the same thing that Alfred had done with him. Uncertainly, his slender fingers wrapped around the other boy's larger hand and gave it a small squeeze.
There was absolutely no way he could initiate a hug, but it would have to do. Even so, he desperately hoped that he couldn't sense the trembling in his grip.
"Arthur?" Alfred breathed, welling eyes darting over to where their palms were now touching. A tiny tremor ran through his body, Arthur noticed, though he wasn't sure what to make of it.
"Alfred...please, don't be so cruel to yourself," he said – he couldn't stop now, or he'd feel like he'd burst. "You don't need to apologise for being human. It's okay to be frightened. I don't think I'm the right person for this, but you should speak to those that you trust. Even though I don't think I can really help, I'm sure that the rest of the Chosen will listen. And...me too. I suppose."
Taking a moment to catch his breath, he observed his reaction. He'd never talked that much to someone he didn't really know past his public image still, yet the alien vulnerability the prince showed made his heart ache. In that moment, even though they weren't close in the normal sense of the word, he felt as if he needed to be there for him.
Alfred swallowed, the sound reverberating around the room. "I – you really think so?" he asked, smiling. It was muted by the drying tear tracks on his face, but it was still there.
"Yes, even though, as you know, I don't get along with everyone, I can feel the care everyone has for you. People, even if they're from the holding facilities like me, wouldn't choose to come here for no reason. We had to choose between the three kingdoms this year, and no one's decision was made lightly. Not even me, especially with consoling you so soon after we've been acquainted."
Oh, bollocks. I didn't mean to say it, I just was trying to be a gentleman, not to become closer to him, or he'd think I'm soft. Quickly, he clarified his point, fighting back the familiar bead of embarrassment. "It's not like...I think you're special, or anything, it's just that it wouldn't be proper of a gentleman to leave you to your piteous thoughts."
Somehow, the comment seemed to fly over Alfred's head. "You're right," he said after a moment, free hand loosening his tie. "I should, Arthur. It's gonna take some time, but," he half smiled, half grimaced, "I need to do it, right?"
"Your Highness, you're not a child," Arthur chastised, and then paused at his pout. "Sorry. Alfred."
"I'll try my best, then! Since it's a heroic thing to do!"
Arthur snorted; he really didn't change much at his core. "Very well, hero. I suppose you do heroic things already, haven't you? Putting up with the Chosen and whatnot, for me. I suppose," he finished awkwardly.
For some bizarre, odd reason, the prince ducked his head, avoiding eye contact with him. He mumbled something under his breath that Arthur didn't quite catch.
"Pardon?" Arthur said, leaning forward until he realised that he'd decreased their distance without meaning to. Jolting backwards, it took the warmth of Alfred's hand clasping his own to realise that he'd been grasping it for longer than he'd intended to, and he shouldn't have, but he thought Alfred needed the comfort and-
"...your hero." Before Arthur could let go of Alfred's hand, the other boy gave it a small squeeze.
"...? Pardon, Alfred, I couldn't quite hear-"
"Back there, in the Drawing Room, I..." Alfred's cheeks burned, but for some unfair reason they served to accentuate his bashful smile rather than fluster him. "I really, really wanted to help you. And in a way, I guess I got to be your hero, even if it was just for a moment. It made me super happy."
Acutely, Arthur could feel Alfred's partially roughened fingertips shift on his knuckles, and the warmth emanating from his hand, as well as the small space where their palms dare not meet. Honesty was painted all over his face, so much so that Arthur couldn't deny it.
He'd been unwilling to confront the mere possibility of being in love, he thought as he felt his ears warm and it was his turn to avoid the other's gaze. It was true that he wasn't, but now...
"My bad that we didn't get to talk about the Broadcast much tonight, but I know you'll do well."
It was probably well past midnight by the time they'd finished talking. It had been pretty awkward to segue out of his own dumb insecurities, but the other guy was just too good at being composed, way more than he'd ever been.
He'd make a good royal, the thought flashed into his mind before he could stop it. Fuck, man. It had been a month. He was nowhere near ending it as much as he wanted to.
Arthur didn't even say whether he was open to possibly seeing him past friends...
But between that reassurance he'd shown him, the remarkably gentle sensation of Arthur's smaller fingers touching his hand, and the sincerity of his reassurance Alfred couldn't blame himself for hoping even more now.
"Perhaps you should have discussed that first and foremost," Arthur was now saying, his arms folded but no real anger in his expression. "...idiot."
"I'll keep it in mind for next time," Alfred sang. His face doesn't match his words at all! "But yeah! If you need any assistance on the topic, just let me know."
The pair stood awkwardly in Arthur's doorway for a few moments. Alfred hoped that he couldn't hear his heart going a billion miles a minute whilst he waited for a response, but Arthur simply nodded. No firm answer to the question, huh.
Fighting back a tide of disappointment surging into his throat, Alfred bowed and said a quick goodnight. He'd even turned to leave, hearing the beginning of the hinges of his door close and the flick of his bedroom lights close, but a small cough from Arthur for some reason made him turn around.
The door had been moving closed, but just had enough space for Alfred to see the entirety of his face, barely lit by the moonlight hovering through the windows.
"Prince Alfred," Arthur whispered, his voice fainter as if to draw him in closer. "I...please, wait one moment."
He tried to keep his voice light. "Huh? What's up, Arthur?"
"I..." That's all he got until he realised Arthur's pale cheeks were painted in a deep flush, skittering across the bony bridge of his nose and mingling with what looked like faint freckles from their proximity. Alfred tilted his head closer to meet his gaze, and he couldn't help but shy away, avoiding it. "Oi! D-Don't look here, idiot..."
Conceding, Alfred took a step back. "Sorry, man. Is there something wrong with all the stuff I said?"
"No, it's-" Right then, he caught a flash of the vulnerable expression that the sandy blond had only shown in the Drawing Room earlier that day. With baited breath, Alfred heard him speak quietly. "About your...query regarding my feelings towards you, I will confess that I do not feel a strong romantic attraction to you as of present."
Oh.
Gotta be honest, Alfred wasn't completely sure how to react to that pretty cold rejection. "Uhh, heh, that's okay," he stammered, forcing his shoulders into a shrug. "You know, I only-"
Arthur's green eyes glinted in the moonlight. "I haven't finished," he said, making Alfred feel as if he was being told off by Ludwig again. "That being said, it has only been a month or so. And as far as I know, which I do, the amount of Decidings that have ended within a month can be counted on one hand with two fingers cut off."
Alfred frowned. Sometimes he spoke a little too quickly and fancily for him to understand. "How many is that?"
Arthur sighed, raising an exasperated eyebrow. "Three, Your Highness."
"Hey! You know it's Alf-"
"Point is, and...oh, Fates, I can't believe I'm saying this, but," Arthur bit his lip, before his gaze met with Alfred's. "I believe, if you'd allow me, that with sufficient time, my feelings could c-change."
Nooooooooooo! Alfred cried internally. So it could get worse! Not thinking straight, he blurted, "Change, as in...hate me?"
"What? You...you're honestly incredibly dense," Arthur spluttered, his eyebrows knitting together in frustration. "Honestly, I...why do I even...oh, Fates. Just forget it-"
"Hey, that's not fair!" Alfred exclaimed, stopping the door from swinging further shut with a small press of his hand. Arthur stared at where his hand made contact with the door almost in disbelief, and then looked back down to his face. "Please, it would mean a lot if you were gonna be honest with me. What were you gonna say?"
It was kinda unheroic, but he broke out the puppy eyes. Arthur, he figured, wouldn't be getting all flustered over an insult or to purposely let him down, which would mean-
"I'm saying, Alfred," he said, hugging his arms closer to his chest, the tips of his ears pinking, "That there is a possibility – a possibility! – that I may, one day, reciprocate your feelings. That's all."
Oh.
Oh.
It took every cell of his working overdrive to not whoop with happiness. In his excitement, he dashed forward and gently took Arthur's cold hands in his own.
"Wha – let go of me, you idiot," Arthur spluttered, grip trying to shrink away, but Alfred's warm hands wouldn't let him scuttle away that easily! "Idiot! I-I said let go of me, if someone sees I'll conk you-"
"Really?" Alfred yelped. He ran his fingers through his hair in a movement so quick that the other boy almost missed it. "Gosh, I...wow...you mean it?"
"...I said what I said!" Arthur muttered, looking away once more – maybe he felt as embarrassed as he did? "D-Don't make me repeat it."
"Thank you," Alfred said, taking great care to not accidentally crush his smaller, more delicate hands. They were surprisingly soft and refined to the touch, but maybe that was because they'd been doing nothing but scholarly work. "Thank you so much, Arthur!"
"I just said a possibility, mind you," he said, but the blush was still there and he had stopped trying to pull away, their eyes meeting once again, albeit for a moment before darting away. "It's not like I even confessed, or anything, so there's nothing to thank me for. But you'd better not count me out, all right? I understand if it doesn't mean that much to you, since I'm sure you've had plenty of people confess their love-"
"It does mean a lot, a lot! To me!" Alfred exclaimed. His awesome smile felt as if it was gonna drop off the face of the earth. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll do my best! Goodnight, Arthur!" He wasn't sure if he could withstand another bit of hope that the other boy could give him tonight. Dropping his hands quickly, barely being able to wait for his response, he prepared to sprint back to his room-
"Wait." Arthur said, peeking from behind the small crack that he'd afforded in his doorframe. There was a pause, he looked down at his no nonsense tartan slippers, then his eyes met Alfred's. "G-Goodnight. Alfred. Don't overexert yourself." he whispered.
It occurred to Alfred to tease him about the looking away thing, but he decided that he'd already pushed the guy too far tonight. "Goodnight, Arthur. Get some rest, okay?"
He nodded, and Alfred thought that that was the end of it, but even as Arthur pushed the door closed, they shyly maintained eye contact until the tiny slit in the door vanished.
On the evening of the Broadcast, Leon was chatting up a storm with the guard outside his door when Arthur came outside to meet him from the Broadcast. He looked incredibly put together, as always, with a well fitted waistcoat and matching ivory pants. His behaviour was as refined, with a wave that Arthur reciprocated after he said goodbye to the guard.
"Ready to go?" he asked, giving Arthur's attire a quick look. He was wearing the blue coat that Anna had prepared for him and simple black pants. "I hope you're not, like, nervous. It's just an interview, after all."
Arthur snorted. "You say that as if you're not nervous," he said. Leon simply shrugged in response, and the two of them made small chat as they walked down the stairs. They talked about their maids, acquaintances they'd made in the palace – Arthur was a little envious of his ability to make friends with so many different types of people – and were discussing their families back home before they arrived at the palace studio.
Unsurprisingly, since they'd only been around ten minutes early, the 'good' seats at the front were mostly filled. Arthur was more than happy to sink into a seat behind Leon and Emma, who was there already, in the second row. Sakura arrived just shortly as they sat down, in a stunning pink dress that caught the studio lights, accentuated by the barrage of compliments from her three friends.
"It is quite pretty, do you not think?" she said cheerfully, though something was a little bit off in the way she kept arranging her skirts and Emma looking at her with a hint of concern. "My maids really worked magic – oh, there is the prince!"
Emma's furrowed brow quickly smoothed over the moment Prince Alfred walked over to the Chosen, who had largely convened by this point. All of them instantly flocked to him, some more enthusiastic than others, Arthur (shamefully) included. The casual attire that he'd seen on him last night had been effortlessly replaced with a black suit coupled with an electric blue tie. Still, the loud colour didn't scorch Arthur like Alfred's radiance did. As he spoke with the other members of the Chosen, there was an easygoingness to him that Arthur envied. Talking about such things like the weather, the food, cracking a few jokes...
Suddenly, over the top of someone's head, their eyes met. The tiny smile on Arthur's face vanished, waiting for him to send him a wink or a teasing gesture. Instead, to his surprise, Alfred merely blushed then looked away, probably replaying the conversation they had last night as well.
It lasted for just one moment, but disappointment beaded up in his throat that they couldn't have a chance to speak.
...Disappointment?
It hadn't even been twenty four hours, but some things have already changed between us, Arthur realised with a jolt. Usually he'd make fun of me, but...
At the same time, it's not just his feelings that are changing.
Could it? Could he be attracted to, dare he say it, the literal crown prince of Spades? It was a waste of breath to deny the possibility, yes, but have it develop into something that might become serious in the future? To the point of him becoming the Queen of Spades?
I knew what I signed up for when I submitted the form, but the possibility of having actual feelings manifest, I...
"Arthur, you okay?" Unexpectedly, Alfonso nudged him, a playful expression on his face. "You're looking kinda pale. We're, erm being told to sit down now."
Oh Fates, he'd spaced out again. "Oh yes, pardon me," Arthur said hastily, sinking into his seat. The Broadcast hadn't even started, and he was frazzled about the same person that he was due to speak about in a few minutes. "Thank you, Alfonso."
In response, the other boy gave him a quick thumbs up, and that was all the conversation they were able to have until the studio lights dimmed and music started to play. Taking a deep breath, Arthur tried to steel himself for what was to come next.
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