2. Goodbye to Innocence

Shouwa 57 (1982)

I'm sure I had never felt anything like this before. Though it reminded me very much of the days of childhood. Those days before the world turned upside down and I got lost in a situation I couldn't understand.

In those days, many old people treated me very kindly. Today I know they didn't do it because they liked me so much, though I'm sure I was a very pretty child then. I'm sure they did it because of my family. Some of them rubbed my head from time to time. You have to be a very happy and innocent child to enjoy something like that. Today, if a stranger, who only happens to know me because he knows my father, came to me and stroked my head, I would tell him to stop or I'd get my wooden sword and practice some kendo on him. Or I would use my stun gun, which is modified so it can hurt bad guys a lot. Well, I guess nobody would dare rub my head nowadays, anyway.

At least, that was what I thought before I met Houjou Satoshi. He's rather shy and silent, so he's not the kind of guy you would expect to make such an unusual physical contact with somebody like me. But when he met me, he thought that I was my sister, Mion. So I was no stranger to him. When I remembered this experience during the next days, I was jealous that he had been stroking Mion's head, not mine. Though I happened to be "Mion" at that moment. That feeling became love. At first I couldn't admit it to myself, because I needed to feel strong and independent. But when I thought of his angelic smile and his cute insecure behavior, my strong ego crumbled and dissolved into tears of desire.

In the following days and weeks I tried to be with him as much as possible. I watched him play baseball with the Hinamizawa Fighters. There I met his coach Irie Kyousuke, who told me of the stressful environment Satoshi was living in. He had to face an abusive aunt, Houjou Tamae, and a mean uncle, Houjou Teppei. Kasai didn't like to talk about him, but when I begged him he told me that Teppei was a violent hoodlum with an extensive criminal record. The best part about him was the fact that he was absent most of the time, hanging around his girlfriend's apartment in Okinomiya.

But that made the aunt hurt Satoshi and his sister Satoko even more, taking her trouble out on the two kids who had to live with her after her husband's brother had died in a strange accident. As that accident was labeled the second "curse of Oyashiro-sama", she thought it was her personal curse having to take care of Satoshi and Satoko. So she took care of them as badly as possible. Satoshi suffered even more because his sister always hid behind his back when the aunt was bullying her. So he had to deal with all of her cruelty, even when he hadn't done anything to make her angry.

One day Satoshi didn't show up at the baseball team anymore and Irie told me he was working at a part-time job. The coach looked worried, so I knew Satoshi was in a bad condition. Because I was worried too, I convinced Mion to let me change places with her and go to her school for one day. I was so glad to meet Satoshi, but when I saw his face, my joy melted away quickly. His bitter expression made me feel like I was his enemy. When I went to the corridor and asked him why he was acting in such a hostile way towards me, all he said was "You should just ask that yourself." I couldn't stop my tears from flowing but that didn't change his behavior at all.

I went to the classroom, not able to concentrate on anything but my sorrow. Then something happened which made me absolutely furious. Satoko, his little sister, started whining like crazy just because she had spilled her lunch on the floor. I remembered what Irie had told me. Satoshi had to take all the blows that were intended to hit Satoko, who acted rebelliously towards the aunt and then hid behind her brother's back. Overpowered by my anger, I forgot my sister's role in this class and was just going to stand up and teach her a lesson.

The same second, a girl the same age as Satoko appeared in front of me. I was shocked because her face told me she knew what I was going to do, before I had even started my attack.

"Mii ... please don't hurt Satoko even more. She's not crying because she's spoiled. You know what she's going through at home."

I still felt like taking my anger out on somebody, so I grabbed that girl's arm violently. I felt the others' shocked glances upon me, but I didn't care.

"I know what she's going through, but Satoshi is going through something a lot worse than that! You know she's always hiding behind his back!"

While I was talking to the younger girl, intimidating her with a fierce look, I saw another girl called Rena, maybe a little younger than me, helping Satoko with her spilled food and comforting her. The chance to teach that Satoko a lesson had gone, and that was the fault of the girl in front of me.

I tried to remember her name. She had a very cute face and a hime-style haircut. This girl had to be Rika from the Furude family, one of the three families who had run the village since centuries. Mion had told me Rika was some kind of psychic who could predict the future. While I was still holding her arm and giving her a grim look, I noticed Satoshi had come back to console Satoko, who was still crying, but had calmed down a little. When I saw how fondly he was taking care of her petty troubles, I noticed I had nearly made a big mistake. Attacking his little sister would have made me look like a monster in Satoshi's eyes. It would also have been a problem for Mion. I felt ashamed of myself. But the urge to do something was even stronger.

Rika, though I had grabbed her arm with all my strength, was showing no pain.

"We're all helpless ... Mii."

I noticed the pause before my sister's name as she used it. Had I given away my identity? That was not my deepest concern at the moment. She didn't look as if she was going to tell anybody. That made me feel relieved, but I felt I still had to say something mean to her.

"You may be helpless. I'll find something to free Satoshi-kun from his troubles."

I didn't say that because I really knew how to help him. I just wanted to defy Rika. But the girl looked frightened, as if I had told her something terrible. I let go of her arm, and she went back to her desk, looking at me mysteriously. As if she was curious what I was going to do. But I didn't have the intention of telling her about my plans.

When Mion got a call from Satoshi, she transferred it to me. He wanted to apologize for behaving so coldly when we met in school. She knew it had been me, so she let me talk to him.

"Mion ... Could you take Satoko to the Watanagashi festival for me?"

I asked him why he couldn't go to the festival himself.

"Ummm ... I have ... things to do."

I guessed he had to work at his part-time job. The village festival was right ahead. It had become a large festival since "Oyashiro-sama's curse" had made the villagers feel obliged to visit the festival because they were afraid they might be cursed if they didn't participate. I told him I was going to take Satoko there, though I was still angry about her. I had even wished she would die soon. But it was Mion who would have to take her there, so that wasn't my problem.

Still I couldn't forget what I had said to Rika that day. Satoshi's friends had claimed they were helpless. What a nice excuse for not doing anything to save him from his environment. It was easy for me to come up with something. It was an extreme measure, but I felt everything was alright as long as I could free Satoshi from his misery. I had considered to kill his sister, but that would have left him with his terrible aunt. No, it was the aunt who had to die. And I knew when to do it. I was going to make it the fourth curse of Oyashiro-sama.

The day of the festival came, and I begged my old friend Kasai to take me to the village. He disagreed at first, because I wasn't allowed to go to the village, but I told him I was going to see a sick friend, dressed as Mion. Everybody was going to attend the festival anyway, so my evil grandma and all the other people from the Three Families wouldn't see me. With a big sigh, he agreed, after I had threatened to do something even more reckless if he didn't help me.

Kasai picked me up with another car, so we wouldn't be noticed at once as Sonozaki family members. I told him to park the car in an inconspicuous place, not too far away from the Houjou family residence, and wait there for me. Of course I had not revealed to him that it was the Houjou house I was going to visit. Mion had told me where they lived. She said the aunt was very unpopular in the village, so she wasn't going to go to the Watanagashi. She knew the villagers would bully her if she appeared there. I hadn't been able to make sure every detail of my plan would fit. I remembered my escape from the horrible St. Lucia Academy. Such ventures can never be planned without relying on your own luck. I went to the house and rang the bell, covering my hand not to leave any trace, knowing that the aunt might not even be there.

But she was at home, as I had expected. She opened the door with a grumpy face.

"Aren't you ... that Sonozaki girl?"

I faked a desperate expression.

"Something happened to Satoko-chan! Please, come quickly!"

She started complaining about how she was plagued with that child and that Satoko had brought her nothing but misfortune. Then she said she would tell Satoshi about it, because Satoko was his sister, while she wasn't even a blood relative. So if he was home, he should rescue her.

I was shocked because I had thought Satoshi was elsewhere to take care of something at his part-time job. How could I have been so thoughtless?

"We don't have time for that! Satoko-chan is in danger, you must help me! We were playing in the forest and now she's stuck between two trees. She's in pain ..."

Tamae answered from the first floor where she was looking for Satoshi.

"He isn't here anyway. What did you say? In the forest? I thought everyone was at the bloody festival!"

She came down the stairs with a puzzled, yet even scarier face.

"We were playing at the festival and came up with climbing a high tree as a punishment game ..."

I hoped this would sound like one of Mion's crazy ideas. The aunt looked at the bag I was carrying with me. Bloody hell, I was looking suspicious. Why should someone whose friend just had an accident carry a bag around?

"I thought we could take some band aids and bandages with us, so I brought this bag. Do you have these things?"

"Are you kidding? Even if I had these things, I wouldn't waste them just because Satoko got herself into trouble. She'll survive without stuff like that."

What a mean person, I thought. Our glances met.

"Alright then, let's get it over with. Satoko will be in real trouble for this!"

Tamae got ready to leave the house. I had made the first step.

She left the house with me. So far, my luck had not let me down, though my plan had proven to be incomplete. But now I was heading straightly toward my goal.

"Let me tell you something," the aunt growled. "I'm only coming with you because I wanted to go to the forest anyway! Satoshi told me there's some used furniture people got rid off. He told me to go to a clearing somewhere in the middle of the forest. When we have got Satoko out of her mess, she'll have to lend me a hand! If she's not too stupid to do that ..."

I couldn't listen to her selfish drivel anymore. We kept walking toward the spot where it was going to happen. I couldn't wait to finish my plan.

"We're here."

That was the first thing I said after letting her talk for a long time, while we were walking deeper into the forest and she was going on and on about Satoshi and Satoko being such a nuisance for her. We were standing in the middle of the forest now. Was it the right spot? I was sure no-one could see us, but that was only one of two problems I had to face. What if we had come to the wrong spot? Anyway, it was too late to ask myself that. I reached into my pocket.

The aunt didn't notice what I was doing.

"What do you mean we're here? Where's Satoko?"

She was looking around with a puzzled expression.

I answered her very lowly.

"She's not here ... Though I can't stand her, I don't want her to see this."

I wanted to tell her what I was about to do, but that would have been risky. So I just put my taser to her neck, before she couldn't do anything, and after a nasty buzzing sound, she fell down to the ground.

I reached into my bag and took out a thin rain cape, two gloves and a sharp knife from the kitchen in my Okinomiya apartment. I hated to put the rain cape on because the air was warm and humid. But that was the least of my problems. I wasn't afraid of killing her, I just didn't want to hurt her awkwardly so that she would regain her consciousness and scream. In the end, I cut her throat deeply and the rain cape became speckled with gushes of blood. It was like the ultimate goodbye to childhood and innocence. While I was listening to the horrible sounds of Tamae's body suffocating with its own blood, all pretty and clean girly thoughts and views dissolved, to reveal the indelibly stained soul of a sinful adult. But I didn't mind as long as it was for my beloved Satoshi. I did this so that he could keep a little of his childlike purity. And if it was still possible for me to be with him, maybe we could share what he had kept in his heart.

When her last struggle was over, I grabbed her hair and dragged the body through the forest. I had expected her to be heavy, but not that heavy. I was afraid the scalp would come loose, so I would have to take her hand, which was even creepier to imagine. It felt like an eternity until I had reached my destination, the notorious Onigafuchi swamp. It seemed right to lay her to rest in a place named after the legend about the demonic heritage of the village. As it was Watanagashi, I was just fulfilling the village's old duty to offer a human sacrifice to the demons. The trace of blood was something to worry about, but the rainy season, which I hate usually, would be of great help. I was sure heaven would be my accomplice and wash it all away before someone could detect that she was killed here, in the depth of the forest.

I looked for the right spot to push her into the muddy water. With stones from the surroundings of the swamp, I weighed the corpse. Then I wrapped the dirty rain cape around her, careful not to soil my clothes, and tied it with a cord. A foul present for those creatures who lurk beneath the swamp, as the legend of Onigafuchi tells. Finally I shoved the heavy bundle into the swamp. It took a long while until the dirty water covered it completely. What if somebody had come to this place and seen me without me noticing him? I was doomed then. This was my risk. Satoshi would still be free. He didn't have to worry about the girl with the ill-fated name of Sonozaki.

Kasai had waited for two hours when I came back to his car. He was angry and asked me thousands of questions which I answered most vaguely. People were coming back from the festival and he didn't want to be recognized. But I couldn't care less, knowing I had saved the boy I loved. So I just smiled and thanked Kasai for his patience. Still mumbling about my unreliability, he drove me home.

As soon as we had arrived in Okinomiya, I tried to ring Mion up. Onibaba never answers the phone herself, so I didn't have to worry about that. When I got my sister on the phone, it was late in the evening and she sounded like she had had a few drinks. But when she realized what I was trying to tell her, she became sober in a few seconds. I didn't need to say clearly what I had done. Being identical twins, we are able to communicate on a deeper level. I felt sorry to get her involved in my crime, but after all, Satoshi was her friend too. She had even known him much longer than me. I didn't say that, but in fact she should have said thanks to me because I had found a way to help him that they were too weak to tread. By the tone of her voice, I could clearly imagine her frightened, pale face.

But as the next head of the family, she regained her composure and we made a plan how to use the power of the Sonozaki family to cover the crime up. The police had decided to keep the serial deaths on the Watanagashi day from the eyes of the public. Of course some people would take notice of her absence, but the Sonozaki family would spread the word that Houjou Tamae had decided to leave Hinamizawa. Fed up with the villagers' hatred and a stubborn foster child, she was going to try to break up her husband's affair and live with him in Okinomiya to get away from all her troubles. So Teppei would be the main suspect, if there was any investigation at all. However, Mion told me it had been a bad idea to dump the body in the swamp. If I had buried Satoshi's aunt somewhere, it would have been easy to dig the body up and hide it in a more secure place. Maybe the body could still be retrieved, but she wasn't too sure about that.

The day after Watanagashi, I found out that Satoshi had appeared at school like normal. He seemed distressed, but when he heard the rumor about Tamae having left Hinamizawa, Mion thought he felt relieved, even if he found it most strange that others knew about it earlier than him. However, it seems he decided to believe the rumor. Probably his aunt had threatened him from time to time that she was going to leave them, so that they would have to look after themselves and would have to move into a foster home in the end. My sister said he had smiled for the first time since a week or so. Also, he put his baseball bat back into his locker. He had frightened the younger students a lot by standing on the school premises on his own, practicing swings with a grim face. Mion and Rena had tried to talk him out of it, but he barely answered them. His condition must have been terribly bad. I felt I had rescued him just in time.

Now the future I had wished for was so near that I felt like I could touch it when I reached out for it.

Author's Note: Another year has passed and Watanagashi is here again. I can only hope that I find more time to work on my stories, but I won't abandon them. So again, thank you for your patience. As I said before, Yadonashi-hen is going to be continued for sure. I hope it will happen soon ...