in fact i did go to japan (i'm a year older now i mean?). and i'm sorry for anyone who got email notifications yesterday, i thought i put this up on the document manager but lo and behold, i didn't. i failed

and i've rewrote the fifth chapter, so please feel free to go and read it again!

not as many people this time, so replies are up here!

mailbox

guest 1- here you go, i hope you enjoy!

pastaaddict - that's actually a really, really good idea. muahaha

russia says hello - i'm not going to let the magical words come out for a while, i think. here i am thinking it's really funny to make them not say it for...fifty chapters...and then i read others' works and they say it at around chapter four and i just-

guest 2- you've read my later chapters? oh god i have to rewrite (but for now he is shhhh)

hearthorse11- did someone say hamilton - and thank you! you'll find out this chap

aph poland anon - ah thank you! the selection is a very fluffy fluff series and it's fun to make it more angsty. i'm happy you enjoy!

as always, i do not own the selection nor hetalia. these belong to kiera cass and himaruya hidekaz respectively. disclaimer for stuff everyone loves, cute fluffy fluff ^^

It was freezing.

Alfred's back hurt like hell.

Damn, he could really use some hot hash browns for breakfast.

Turning onto his stomach, he could see the faint sunlight break through the doors. They were only through small chinks in the wall, but it was technically a sign to haul himself up and assess his situation.

His bloodied shirt lay in a corner, stuffed into a bucket of some kind? His jacket was carefully draped around his shoulders, which he pulled closer to himself because his chest felt cold.

Is this a bad side effect of working out every other day?

As he went over to fish out his clock, memories of last night came flooding back. The pain. The fright, first with the advisors and then the rebels, then relief and terror for him when he saw Arthur.

Arthur. Duchess, he was here last night, wasn't he? The memories flashed anew in his head, Arthur's cold, yet soft mouth against his own, his gentle hands soothing his wounds, those green eyes full with tears-

-no. He wasn't…he couldn't…

Please, let me go.

"No," he said, under his breath. Where was the other boy? Wasn't he asleep? Alfred remembered his warmth, the feeling of Arthur's arms and his sweet voice lulling him to sleep. Where was he? He couldn't have left already, right?

Every cell in his body yelled for him to get up and find Arthur, but as he jumped to his feet he had to stop because of the searing pain on his back.

"Achhh," he groaned, and that's when he heard footsteps approaching the door. He quickly bit down on his tongue, willing himself to shut up. What if the rebels still hadn't left, and it was just-

"Your Highness?"

Alfred instantly stiffened at the voice, and his jaw tightened when he realized who it was.

How in Fates' name was Ivan here?"

"It's me," he said tersely, already internally squaring up for a fight. "Unlock the door."

With a click and a loud clang, the metal door swung open, and Alfred had to blink for a little longer to reacquaint himself with the blinding light of the sun.

All in his emerald-clad glory was the beaming King of Clubs.

Alfred stood there almost dumbly, half from shock and half from anger.

"Your Highness," he said stiffly. "It is…nice to see you well."

"Your Highness," Ivan chirped in reply. "It is lovely to see friends again, yes?"

"I'm not your friend-" Alfred began to say, but stopped short when Yao and a pair of guards, one clad in blue and the other one green, rushed to meet him.

"Oh, Alfred," Yao sighed, and Alfred ran up to his guardian, hugging him tightly for once and not being embarrassed. Turning to both of the soldiers, they both bowed down in respect, although they exchanged confused looks at each other when they both rose.

"Where were you last night? And what's happened to you?" he asked, patting Alfred's mussed hair. "Sir Arthur came to find me last night, and he sounded very concerned about you. Has something happened?"

Casting a sideways glance at King Ivan, he took a breath before he spoke again.

"Can we speak…uh, in private, later? Because he's here, I don't feel like sharin'."

"Oh, very well," Yao said hurriedly, exchanging to what seemed like an apologetic look to Ivan, which baffled him all the more. Weren't they supposed to be mortal enemies or something?

"Now, I expect you are wanting to see Sir Arthur?"

"Yes. Where is he?" Alfred asked urgently, his frustration and confusion with Yao and Ivan (but honestly, Ivan) drowned out by thoughts of him.

"He's…still in the castle, yes, but he's in his room right now. He was rather distressed until a few hours ago. He cares for you quite a bit, from what I can see." Yao gave him a smile, but Alfred didn't stay too long trying to appreciate it as he started to charge off, but before he could jump up to Arthur's bedroom he could feel Yao's hand on his arm.

"I don't know what's happened to you, but you can't go like this to see him." his expression turned serious with a hint of concern as his eyes met Alfred's. "We'll have to talk later, all right?"

Alfred nodded rapidly, and with a nod he tore up the stairs, trying to ignore the pains in his back, failing to notice Yao and Ivan exchange glances.

He had to stop Arthur from leaving, someone he held far too dear to his heart to let go of anytime soon.

Arthur's fingers trembled on the suitcase as he struggled to close it for the nth time. Clamping down on it again, he held it down for a few more seconds before giving up and letting it go, marching around his room in frustration.

"What am I doing?" he whispered, looking out the window and the sunset in confusion. Anna hadn't come back from the kitchen as they were making late dinner for the Elite. Ever since he and General Oxenstierna had contacted Yao about Alfred's safety, he'd been more than happy to collapse on his bed and take a small break. He had woken up to a new outfit and a concerned maid, and the conversation that had happened afterwards had made his head spin – even now, as he thought about it.

But now, fears for Alfred arose in his mind again. Apparently, soldiers from Clubs had arrived from the border, coming out to help their generals in the castle while Arthur and Alfred were curled together. And for some reason, three hours after daybreak the King of Clubs himself had come to visit, a lone carriage in front of those golden gates.

Where is Alfred? I mean, I hope he went off to get patched up, but I hope he isn't avoiding me. I don't want to purposely seek him out and disturb me, but I don't want to leave without seeing him for one last time. To know that he's safe and happy, even after I'm gone.

Anna had been so shocked when Arthur had told her. She had argued vehemently against his reason for leaving, and he had been brought to tears after she had begged him to stay, for reasons that she had known from the beginning.

"He loves you, Sir Arthur, even though it's not my place," she said, her normally calm eyes flashing. "And I know you do, as well."
"But I'm putting him in danger!" Arthur sobbed. "I can't love him if that means he's going to be hurt because of it-"

"It's not just you. And does it matter? I've been here before," Anna pleaded. "I threw away the one person I loved because I was too poor for them. I can't bear for you to commit the same mistake I did before!"

Arthur stiffened; Anna didn't like sharing her past a lot, let alone ever.

"Some things are hopeless in life, and love is one of them. You have to let it happen. Don't push him away, please."

I'm so tired of crying, he thought even as he pushed back tears and buried his face into the damp pillows. Why can't I let you go?

A knock on the door jolted him from his reverie, and he slowly got up from his bed, both dread and anticipation filling his chest as he opened the door to see a rather dim Alfred.

He definitely physically looked better than he had last night, with a loose white shirt and a pair of dark blue pants. On the other hand, his expression was so forlorn that Arthur couldn't help but run up to him and pull him into a hug.

"…can we talk, please? Alone?" he said urgently, and Arthur nodded, closing the door quietly.

"Isn't your maid here?"

"No," Arthur said awkwardly, confused by the small talk. "She's downstairs with the other maids, I think."

The two of them sat on his bed, trying to avoid looking at each other. But there was a sense of pining, a sense of yearning that after a few minutes like this he couldn't deny.

"Alfred-" he began, but he stopped short when he caught wind of the other teen's expression. It was if he was longing for him, and before either of them realized it they had inched so close to one another that their foreheads were touching.

"Arthur," he whispered, his rough thumb running over his freckles. "Arthur, I…"

"I promise, this is for your sake." Arthur said softly, trying his best to smile. "You know that, dearest."

"Don't leave here," Alfred said, fighting back tears. His voice was uncharacteristically small. "Please, please don't leave the Deciding. Please don't leave me. If you hate me that much, at least tell me you do!"

"Of course not! It's only because I care for you so much that I have to leave! Don't you see? You got hurt because you wanted to protect us all!"

"How is that going to help me?"

"I…at least I'll go away knowing that I've made this whole thing faster for you!" he shouted, his eyes filling with tears. "Why else would I go away?"The prince fell silent, and Arthur noticed his hands tightening into fists on his bedspread. After a few moments, his fists unclenched and he turned to face him again.

The prince fell silent, and Arthur noticed his hands tightening into fists on his bedspread. After a few moments, his fists unclenched and he turned to face him again.

"You're not gonna make this any faster than it is now! You'll just break my heart," he said slowly, a hand reaching out to cup the back of Arthur's neck.

"Alfred!" Arthur exclaimed, feeling tears gathering on the corner of his eyes as he turned away. "I'm not worth it, you know I'm not! Look at me, and then look back at you! Who would want me for a princess, let alone a queen? Why would you-?"

"Stop saying that!" Alfred shouted, almost angrily. "I could go on, forever, about how amazing you are!" he moved to face Arthur. "You're worth every single aching hour, every sweet minute, every perfect second." he cupped Arthur's face, streaked with tears, in his hands.

Will…will you end it, like this? He wondered as heated green and blue eyes met each other. I mean, I'm getting ready to leave, and you come in and say these things to me-

-but he can't. He has to finish the Trials, Arthur remembered bitterly, biting his lip. That's why he got so hurt in the first place.

"How do you know I am? I…I…" Come on, Arthur. You're trying your best to keep him safe. If that means making him think you don't love him… "How do you know my intentions are less than pure? What if…" Stop stuttering! He won't believe you! "What if I've simply gotten tired of you? What if it's just the crown I wanted-"

"Arthur, if you really did," he said, sounding exasperated, "You wouldn't be sacrificing your chance to be with me just to keep me safe. You wouldn't be spinning such a desperate lie to push me away. I know you, Artie. And this just proves it."

"How?" Arthur asked, half to himself.

"No one else's volunteered to leave just so I can finish this faster. Sacrificing our relationship for me…you don't have to. I know we both feel the same way about each other. So don't spend your time saying that you're not perfect. You don't need to prove that to anyone but yourself." Alfred replied, his tone firm.

"…do you really want me to stay that badly?"

"I…I do. Honestly, at this point I can't really see all this," he gestured towards his wide open wardrobe full of clothes. "This Deciding-heck, I can't see the rest of my life without you being in it. How could I go back my life now when I knew you would leave me so soon? I can't even begin to imagine it."

Me too, Arthur realized before he could say it out loud. A life without Alfred in it? That's just unbelievable, thinking about what's happened between us the past few days. I can't imagine it, or see myself living in that way. But of course, I can't say it loud, so-

Arthur simply looked into his eyes and took his hands, but Alfred wasn't finished, his tone becoming frantic as he spoke.

"You know, before, I…I knew I would confess to you when the time felt right. But if you really don't want to spend any more time with me, I – I have to tell you now that I l-"

"Stop!" Arthur gasped, and Alfred's breath caught in shock as Arthur stopped his words with a pained look. "Stop, please! I don't want you to say it when we're both like this. I want you to mean it when you finally tell me those three words."

"I need you to stay, please! I'll do anything-" Alfred cried, but Arthur could see tears brimming past his glasses. "-Anything at all…to make you stay with me. I…I don't think I can finish this without your help, I…if you stay, I know I'll be able to say it freely. One day. Pl-please, give me that time."

"I would as well, but…" Arthur trailed off to brush a stray tear from his cheek. "I just want you to be safe, darling."

"You know, I…I believe that there's gonna be a time where our love overpowers our pride. That we can both say, freely and without restraint, that we are devoted to each other. I just need a little longer, I…" Alfred tilted his head so that he could keep that warmth on his cheek for a little longer.

"We both want your safety," Arthur said softly. "Look at the two of us, c-crying like children…it doesn't matter if I go home heartbroken, at least to myself. I need to know that you can handle yourself and frankly, if we have to sacrifice some time for that, it doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," Alfred said nervously. He moved closer and grasped Arthur's chin in a tender gesture. "You matter to me more than all this. If you still don't believe, I'll use my time to convince you that you are. That I truly care for you, that you're more than worth my time."

He held his intense gaze for another moment, thoughts racing in his head. Is this a proposal in itself? What does this mean?

"If you put it that way, I, um…" Arthur let out a choked laugh in response, and ran his fingers through his sandy blond hair. Alfred collapsed onto the bed with a huff, wincing slightly as his back hit the surface, however soft the bed was.

"At least…if you leave, take this," Alfred said forlornly, reaching to the small of his back. With a clink, his dog tags came off, brimming with silver. Arthur watched with wide eyes as he tied it around his neck.

"But what…they're yours, they-"

"My father's, actually," Alfred said hurriedly.

"But it says Alfred, er, Jones?" Arthur asked curiously, tilting his head.

"Yeah, but he went by Fitzgerald in the court and he got to change his name to be that before he married my mom and became King. That's why the F in my name is after my father."

This made Arthur hesitate, and then he rolled off him, blinking at the canopy of his fourposter. The only sound in the room was Alfred's hand shifting across the bedspread to link his lukewarm hand in Arthur's, and their heavy breathing spreading out between themselves.

"What did you think this would be?" Arthur asked, after another pause. They were definitely having a lot of these, for his last day. "A love at first sight story…?"

"What did I think this would be?" Alfred echoed. "Well, yeah, to the love story," he said, running his thumb across Arthur's knuckles in a calming gesture. "But then, I met you."

"Are you saying that it's impossible to love me?" he whispered, suddenly sounding a lot smaller than he had seconds ago. "Am I that hateful?"

"No, of course not!" came the exclamation, "I thought that we would definitely run into trouble one way or another. I was anticipating falling for one person, and you know, I'd instantly know that they were the one."

"Would you rather have that then what we do now?" Alfred laughed, the rumbling in his chest sending tingles through Arthur's spine. "Who in Duchess's name do you think I am? Of course not. I mean, if it had gone like that, I wouldn't have loved the person as much as I l-care for you."

...you were going to say it, Arthur thought, shuffling closer into Alfred's chest as he closed his eyes. I know you were. Even they're not the three words, I understand. It's not like we can say them freely and with abandon. They mean so much to the two of us.

Goddamn it, why did I chicken out? Alfred practically screamed at himself in his mind, watching Arthur shift closer to him. He was waiting for me to say it, I can tell. But does he want me to say it or not? He said before that he wanted me to mean it when I said it. Did I really mean to?

"But why do you want me to stay? If I leave, that means less people you have to eliminate before choosing your queen."

"No," Alfred interjected, lifting Arthur's dismayed gaze towards him. "You'd make it slower because I'll forever regret what could have been."

Arthur couldn't resist it in that moment, and pulled Alfred closer to him so that he could kiss the other boy again.

Did you know, my Alfred, that I would, too?

"S – so, does that mean you'll stay?" Alfred asked slowly, almost all traces of that feeling - whatever it was - disappearing into thin air. Arthur felt a pang of nervousness at his uncertain expression.

"Only if you promise to stay out of trouble and don't put yourself into unnecessary danger," Arthur said softly, leaning over to kiss his temple, but the other boy's hand stopped him.

"…Only if it means that you won't get hurt." Alfred said stubbornly. "I don't want anything bad happening to you on my watch."

Arthur broke his eye contact with a hint of unease.

"I-"

"Arthur," he said, all traces of pet names and playfulness gone. "Be honest with me. Was what you just said all true?"

He sucked in a breath in surprise. Alfred couldn't really tell a bluff when he saw one? But he sounded so sure back then…

"I don't…yes, it was, I just wanted to do what I had to, I needed to leave-"

"Has something happened back home?" Alfred asked urgently. Arthur noticed that his entire body was shifting away from him in panic. "I know your family means a lot to you."

"No, they're fine, thank goodness!" If it were them, I wouldn't be here.

"But then why would you want to leave? Do you h-hate me that much?" his voice cracked on the last word.

"No! No, Alfred, it's nothing like that, you-" Arthur choked, edging closer to him, but he was shaking his head, his eyes filled with fear.

"Am I trapping you against your own will?" he asked, half to himself and half to Arthur. His tone grew more panicked with every word, and he realized that he had made the other boy so confused that he didn't even understand what he was doing.

"Do you not care for me at all?" his tone was now panicked, and he gripped Arthur's shoulder tightly.

"When have I said that?" Arthur insisted, gripping his hand tightly. "When have I ever I said I don't care for you? You know how I feel, you always have!"

"I wish I knew that was the truth!" Alfred shouted back, his voice flying higher and higher in panic. "You tell me that you care for me, then you turn away and you get angry at me-"

"It's not my fault that we fight." Arthur replied flatly. "It takes two people to disagree!"

As soon as those words flew out of his mouth, he knew it was probably a bad idea seeing Alfred's fragile state. He could see the other boy visibly flinch before he replied.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice wobbly. "I didn't know I hurt you so much."

"Alfred, it's not like-"

"I…I'll let you leave any time, if you really hate me so much." he continued unsteadily, letting go of his hand and walking to the door. "I didn't think you would-"

"Just listen to yourself for a moment!" Arthur shouted, running after him. He managed to touch his arm at the last moment.

"Look at me," he pleaded, and Alfred did, those blue eyes welling up with tears. The sight shattered Arthur's heart.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I just…I just want to protect you any way I can."

Alfred's expression wavered, and he sniffed loudly, wiping tears from his sleeve.

"I…I didn't think you would even try to get away from me so desperately, after all the things we've done together. I-" he breathed, before letting out a sob and running out of Arthur's room, letting the door fly shut behind him.

"No, Alfred, wait!" Arthur cried, trying his best to run after him, but feeling everything inside him deflate instead. He curled into a ball and rested his head between his legs, cupping his mouth to hide his crying.

But before long, he felt the familiar, dreadful seizing in his chest. Arthur got up hastily, pressing both hands to his shirt and pressing onto the dog tags if he could somehow prevent it from bursting out, but it seemed to roar inside him, writhing and squirming until he finally couldn't stand it. It shot out of him, and he was blown backwards from the force. It wasn't some form of time manipulation this time, thank the Fates, but as he watched in terror, a bright light shot out from his quivering palms, like how it had been when Lovino was there all the way back when he found out he had gotten into the process. But his hands had distorted themselves so badly, teeming with magic that Arthur never wanted, that he could barely make out where his hands began and his carpet ended.

It slammed itself into Arthur's floor length mirror, sending shards flying everywhere with a screech. Desperate, he crawled to the ruined mirror, his trembling hands trying to find some sort of leverage, some sort of clarity now everything had fallen apart around him. He tightly gripped a shard of the destroyed mirror, but quickly dropped it with a cry as it cut into his hand.

"Anna?" he sobbed, watching his blood fall onto the glass. Gripping his hand and stumbling across his bed to take the small, silver cord that could hopefully reach her in the kitchens, he shakily tugged at it. As soon as he did, he slumped onto his bed, clutching his injured hand and trying to bite back his tears.

"Anna, where are you? Please, I-I need some help…"

...oops. my hand slipped

this was originally gonna be mega fluff. disgusting. gross. they were going to make out and everything. of course, me being me, that definitely didn't work out. so this happened instead!

that said, this chapter was probably the one i edited the most. lotsa mistakes and bits where it simply didn't fit with the whole plot line. i hope this was up to standard.

reviews, favourites and follows are what will keep me writing, so please go ahead and leave them!