A/N Hello everyone. Thanks for your support. Sorry that this is a bit late. My laptop stopped working a month ago and today was my first opportunity to get a new one!
Hermione stared at the closed door, her heart thudding rapidly in her chest.
I can't do this, she thought, more than a little panicked. I'm not ready - it's happening too quickly!
She felt Rhodey squeeze her shoulder supportively. "You've got this," he told her quietly, apparently not needing to hear her thoughts to know what she was feeling. "It's going to be OK - I'm right here."
She'd spent the preceding few days mentally getting ready for this trip to Wakanda, and had gradually prepared herself for the moment when she would see her daughter again. Her tentative excitement had just begun to overcome her anxiety at the visit, but she had been thrown for a loop when T'Challa had happily informed her within minutes of the delegation's arrival at a Wakandan border village that her daughter was waiting to meet her in a medical facility just a few miles away. The prospect of seeing her baby so much sooner than she was expecting had her anxiety ratcheting upwards again. She had wanted to ask T'Challa to delay the reunion, but she could feel the eyes of the other delegates on her back and didn't want to give them any reason to be suspicious of her behaviour lest they feedback to Secretary Ross. Any other mother would be desperate to be at their child's side, wouldn't they?
She and Rhodey had planned to portray to the other delegates that they were casual co-workers and had deliberately sat away from each other on the flight from Nairobi. However, one panicked look from Hermione had him excusing himself from the distrustful members of the World Security Council to come to her side.
"I've told them I'm going to join you to keep an eye on you, like Ross wants," he'd said quietly, purposefully standing in front of her so that the other delegates couldn't see her face. She'd whispered her thanks and then tried not to tremble as T'Challa motioned towards a vehicle a few yards away. And so, less than twenty minutes later, only a door now separated Hermione from her daughter.
She felt reasonably confident that her daughter was in good health because she doubted that T'Challa would've happily invited her to come here if the baby was unwell. Her panicked thoughts were more focused on the emotional trauma that had been wrought at her decision to part ways with her own child. Would there still be a bond between mother and baby? Would she be rejected by her daughter? Would she look down on the infant and feel guilt; despair; unworthiness; terror; resentment; or, worst of all, absolutely nothing?
A bright flash and sharp crack echoed in the corridor, revealing a scorch mark a couple of feet away from where she and Rhodey were standing. He gripped her shoulder tighter in surprise as she flinched at the sudden outburst of her magic, but it hardly came as a surprise to her. No, it only confirmed what she knew - she wasn't ready for this. Her daughter wasn't safe around her in this state. Hermione pulled away from Rhodey's comforting hold, waved her hand to repair the damage and then took a few hurried steps back towards the entrance.
"Hermione!" Rhodey called after her but she didn't stop. She had to get out. She felt like she was suffocating in there.
The air she tried to pull into her lungs was thick and hot outside the facility, but at least she was able to breathe a little easier. A grove of trees stood a few feet away and she stumbled over to it, one hand coming up to her mouth to try and stifle her sobs. It was cooler amongst the shade of the trees and a breeze wafted over her skin. Closing her eyes, she placed her forehead and the tips of her fingers against the rough bark of the nearest tree and just focused on her breathing.
After a couple of minutes, she heard the front door swish open and closed again, followed by footsteps on the sunbaked ground.
"Wow," Rhodey said quietly. "That's beautiful."
Hermione opened her eyes and moved her head backwards a little to stare at the transformed trunk before her. She'd been sending a steady stream of magic into the tree in an attempt to regain her control and, though the trees in the grove around her had kept their shape, her abilities had crystallised them. The way the glass-like branches and leaves now sparkled in the sunlight almost made them too bright to look at. Her gaze dropped to the ground, which shimmered and glistened like a sea of rainbows as her magic pulsed through it.
"Yes, it is," she agreed softly, surprising herself a little. It felt like she was so often battling with her magic that she sometimes forgot the beauty that she could create with it. She removed her hands from the tree and noticed that tiny clear crystals covered her fingers and palms too. After a few seconds of concentration, the crystals had all converged into the shapes of two identical hearts, both less than half the size of her little finger. She closed her fingers around them tightly and looked at Rhodey. He was watching her calmly with his hand shielding his eyes from the twinkling trees, just waiting for her without any pressure, and she felt a huge wave of gratitude for him.
"Do you want to try again?" he asked somewhat cautiously.
She looked at the building behind him and her panicked symptoms temporarily flared once more. "Not yet," she said in a small voice. She tried to ignore the voice in her head that questioned what sort of mother didn't want to see her daughter. It wasn't that she didn't want to see her, it was that she wasn't ready; her magic wasn't settled enough to be so close to something so precious.
Rhodey nodded slowly. "OK. That's fine."
"Will you," she started and then paused. "Will you explain to the medical staff? And, and just check that she's OK for me? If she's crying and unsettled then maybe we should do this another day."
"Sure thing," he replied easily. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes."
She nodded and waited anxiously by the grove for his return. It seemed to take far longer than a couple of minutes and she started to fear that something was wrong. Rhodey was smiling when he emerged, and she felt herself deflate a little in relief.
"She's fine," he told her reassuringly. "She's sleeping like an angel."
Tears immediately obscured her vision and she held the crystal hearts tight against her chest. "You promise?" she asked, voice trembling.
"Absolutely," he vowed, walking over to join her in the crystal grove. He opened his arms slightly and she stepped into his embrace. She cried tears of joy and relief, but also a little of heartbreak, as Rhodey rubbed her back.
"You know, I was thinking," he told her once her tears started to subside. "How about instead of you going in there, we bring her out here?" Hermione stilled at once and then moved back to look at his face. "I checked with the carers and they're happy to move her for a while," he continued. "What do you think?"
Hermione waited for the idea to trigger another bout of anxious symptoms but she felt a mere tremble rather than the wave she was used to. Somehow, this proposal was far less intimidating. Perhaps it was the freedom of the open space - she could look on her child from a distance, with less worry that she would harm her, and yet still be together.
She nodded quickly before her nerves could convince her to change her mind. "Yes - I, I think I can manage that."
Rhodey's lips turned up slightly. "Well, alright then." He turned towards the facility, keeping one arm around her shoulders, and raised his other hand to give a thumbs up to the door. Hermione hadn't quite expected things to happen so quickly and she clutched at Rhodey's shirt as the door swished open and two women emerged. The first carried a wooden bassinet stand that she placed a few yards away from Hermione, but she barely noticed because the second woman held a beautiful reed moses basket that had traditional african patterns woven into the lining. The sides of the basket were quite high and Hermione couldn't see inside until the basket was secured to the stand and the women moved out of the way.
And there she was.
Her daughter.
Hermione couldn't believe that her child was right before her eyes once more after a month apart. Her chest was so full of different emotions that she found that she was struggling to breathe again, but it wasn't a sensation of suffocating like before: she felt more alive than she had in weeks! Her eyes inevitably became teary once more and she brushed them away with a small laugh.
"You OK?" Rhodey asked, turning his head to look at her.
"Yeah," she said, her voice thick with emotion, "I'm OK."
The significance of this moment obviously passed her daughter by, as she continued to sleep soundly, but Hermione was quite content to just gaze on the minute movement of her chest rising and falling. Her eyes drank in the tufts of light brown hair on her head and her little button nose, her rounded cheeks and the way she had her hands clenched into little fists either side of her head.
After a few minutes, Rhodey gently convinced her to get closer but when he suggested Hermione pick her up, she shook her head. "I think that'll push me too far," she admitted. "This is safe - I'm in control right now, but I don't know how I'd react if I held her." She sensed that he was disappointed on her behalf and she nudged him gently in the ribs. "You can pick her up for me."
He sent her a look of faint disbelief. "Me?"
"Why not?"
Rhodey looked back at the sleeping baby disconcertedly.
Hermione smiled. "I don't think I've ever seen you look so scared," she teased.
"Ha, ha," he replied humorlessly. After a further moment's pause, he stepped over to the crib. "Hi, young lady," he said softly and then paused as the baby shifted in her sleep. "Oh, you waking up, baby girl? You wanna say hello to your mama?"
As Hermione watched, Rhodey bent over the basket and delicately shifted the tiny infant into his strong arms. The little girl continued to stretch, her arms and legs bending as they got used to the change of support.
"She's travelled a long way to come and see you," Rhodey continued gently, straightening up with the baby securely encased in his hold. "We both have."
He took a couple of steps in Hermione's direction but she held out a hand to make him stop. "I don't want her to get hurt."
"You feel like you're losing control?" he asked.
Hermione took a moment of self-reflection. "No," she admitted slowly. "But it's too risky, Rhodey. Please. Just keep her a safe distance away from me."
He looked disappointed again but he nodded anyway. "Whatever you want."
After her stretching and wriggling, the baby girl settled back into a deep sleep without once opening her eyes. Hermione was more than content to watch her daughter rest peacefully in Rhodey's arms as he rocked ever so slightly from side to side amidst the sparkling lights of the crystal trees.
There was someone in her room.
She didn't even need to open her eyes to be sure - not that this would've actually helped her because it was completely dark within the hut. Instinctively, she sent out a stunning spell in the direction of the intruder. Something heavy fell to the ground.
Concerned that the rest of the delegation were under attack, Hermione quickly conjured up some glowing balls of light so that she could get more of an insight into the danger. She was still straining to hear telling shouts of alarm from her colleagues when her eyes fell on her would-be attacker and her breath caught in her throat. It was Steve.
She simply stared at his unconscious form for a few seconds. However, when the shock began to wear off, new emotions stirred within her: longing, anguish, guilt and more than a trace of anger. She briefly tore her gaze away from him and cast a number of preventative charms that would make sure his presence in her hut wouldn't be discovered.
Sitting back on her bed, she looked down at the crumpled form of her husband again. She had half a mind to get in touch with T'Challa so that Steve could be hidden away whilst he was still stupefied. It would certainly be much easier that way but Hermione wouldn't put it past Steve to just launch another attempt tomorrow night.
Hermione took a few moments to study him. He had been rather battered and bruised after Siberia but he was obviously well-recovered since then. He had dressed in dark clothes to avoid being spotted but her eyes were able to pick out that a month in Wakanda had done him no harm physically. In fact, his face was far more tanned than she'd ever seen it before. Her forehead creased slightly in surprise at the few days' worth of stubble that coated his lower face. She'd never known him to be anything other than completely clean shaven and she automatically reached her fingers down to find out what it felt like. Less than an inch away from his face, she quickly drew her hand away and clenched it into a fist. She let out a loud sigh of frustration and then cast a reviving spell at him.
His eyes flew open and his body tensed in preparation to act, but then he saw her sat above him on the bed and he relaxed. "You stunned me?" The look she gave him made it pretty clear that of course she stunned the person who broke into her room in the dead of night. He frowned and got to his feet. "I always wondered what it felt like."
"If you wanted to know so badly I could've stunned you years ago and then you wouldn't have had to risk your freedom by breaking in here," she told him plainly.
He looked at her searchingly for a few moments and then sighed. "This isn't how I wanted this to go," he murmured, looking almost pained as his gaze continued to take her in.
"This wasn't supposed to happen at all, Steve," she reminded him. T'Challa had passed on Harry's message telling Steve to stay away - she was sure of it.
"No, I know," he said heavily, the pain still evident as he finally glanced away from her. "I understand that you don't want to see me after everything that I put you through but - "
His demeanour suddenly made sense and her heart clenched. "You think I didn't want to see you because I'm upset with you about what happened?" she interrupted in faint disbelief.
He stared at her. "Well, yeah," he admitted, his brows creasing together in confusion. "What else was I supposed to think? We both know you could overcome any security measures that have been put in place."
Hermione unconsciously grabbed a fistful of the bedsheets to give her the courage to say her next words. "Steve, I didn't want to see you because I couldn't bear the idea of having to say goodbye to you again. Sending you and our daughter away was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do..." Her voice became choked up with emotion as she spoke and there were unshed tears in her eyes by the end. They had kept a wary distance from each other since she had woken Steve, but he knelt before her now and pulled her into his arms. His hold was achingly familiar and she longed to melt into his embrace and forget about the rest of the world.
But she couldn't. Giving in, indulging even for a few seconds, would only make things harder when they parted again.
Steve quickly sensed her stiffness and pulled back to stare into her eyes. He raised a gloved hand towards her cheek but she turned her face away from the tender gesture. "Don't," she told him, her voice trembling. "Please, Steve - it's too much."
His jaw tightened but he nodded and stood once more, taking a few moments to look round her room as he collected his thoughts. He turned his gaze back to her. "I respect that, honest, I do - but you can't just shut me out, Hermione, please."
"I'm not shutting you out," she denied. "We're talking, aren't we?"
"Only because I broke in," he pointed out. She pursed her lips together but couldn't argue with what he'd said. She watched warily as Steve took a seat on the bed next to her, his eyes sinking into her soul. "Sweetheart, what you did for me and our family - the sacrifice you made to keep us safe so that you could fight for us - I understand why you felt like you had to do it but I wish you had discussed - "
"You wouldn't have agreed to go," she interrupted him, her heart thundering in her chest. "We were surrounded by Ross's team and there wasn't time to debate the pros and cons. A decision had to be made, I made it and I don't regret it - you and our daughter are out of harm's way and I - "
"You're a pawn under Ross's control, a wife without her husband, a mother without her child!" Steve broke in. "It doesn't have to be that way, Hermione. Come back to us, please. We need you."
Hermione stood abruptly from the bed, wrapping her arms around her chest as she kept her back to him. "This is why I didn't want to see you - I knew you'd try and change my mind."
"Because we made a vow to always tackle things together," he reminded her, also rising from the mattress. "That's what being in a committed relationship means, remember?"
She turned back to him, eyes blazing with tears and frustration. "Don't act like you're not guilty of the same thing - you hid Bucky away from the Task Force in Berlin instead of reaching out to them when you knew the truth; you were going to fly off on a deadly mission to Siberia even though there was a chance I'd never see you again!"
His shoulders sagged at her words and Hermione realised that she'd been holding onto more frustration with Steve than she'd realised.
They stared at each other sadly for a few moments.
"When did we stop being a team?" he asked forlornly.
Hermione covered her mouth to stifle a sob and moved forwards slightly so that she could rest her head against his chest. He held her in his arms again but this time she didn't resist it.
"I'm so sorry that I hurt you," he told her gently, his arms stroking her back. "That was the last thing I wanted to do."
"I know," she sighed, turning her head sideways so that she could tuck it underneath his chin. "You were doing what you thought was best at the time."
"As were you," he said.
"Steve, why do our well-intended actions keep hurting other people?" she asked, a recollection of Tony's battered, anguished face piercing through her heart.
"I don't know, sweetheart," he told her heavily. "But in terms of you and I, I think maybe we've gotta communicate with each other more openly. We owe it to each other and our daughter to be honest with each other. Did you see her today? It's killing me to be away from her for a few hours."
Hermione moved her arms so that they settled comfortably around his waist and smiled at the memory of her daughter and the love she heard in Steve's voice. "I saw her."
"And? What did you think?"
Hermione raised her head to look into his eyes. "She's perfect," she whispered.
Steve smiled and momentarily tightened his arms around her to show his pleasure. "She sure is," he agreed. "When she's not wailing for more food, that is, and that happens a lot."
"But she's OK, isn't she?" Hermione asked tentatively. "She looked well from what I could see."
"She's doing great, sweetheart," he replied, smiling again. "She's getting stronger every day and Malaika says she's progressing much quicker than most babies. Oh, Malaika helped raise T'Challa and his sister - he knew I'd need some help so she lives with us down by the river. Malaika is the reason why our baby girl is doing so well - I think it's safe to say that Nat and I would not be coping so well without her."
Hermione felt a great sense of relief that her family were being so well looked after. She had trusted that T'Challa would look out for them but seeing and hearing the proof was a weight off her mind after a month of uncertainty. "And Natasha - how's she?"
"Annoyed that you didn't want to see her," Steve replied with a hint of amusement. "She's getting as much R and R as she can whilst helping care for a newborn, but I think she's starting to get a bit bored. I might ask T'Challa if he can find some sort of job for her to make use of her skills."
"Give her my love, won't you?" Hermione requested.
"Of course."
"And what about you?" she asked nervously. "How - how are you?"
His good humour seeped away and he rested his forehead against hers. "I miss my wife," he answered heavily.
Hermione shivered and tried not to panic or overwhelm him as their skin came into contact for the first time. I miss you too, she sent back to Steve, letting him feel just how much she loved him. When he moved his hand to her cheek she didn't turn him away this time, and she lifted her head slightly so that she could kiss him. It felt so right to be back in Steve's embrace and her body was singing with the feelings she'd been shutting herself off from for so long.
Their kisses had started off tender, but quickly became more desperate and heated.
"Stay," Steve pleaded breathlessly between kisses. "Stay with me - don't leave again."
Hermione screwed her eyes shut tight. She'd known that this moment was coming but it didn't make it any easier. "No, Steve. I can't."
He pulled his head back but still kept her in his arms. "Yes, you can."
Hermione shook her head. "This isn't just about you and me, Steve."
"I know - it's about our daughter too," he argued. "She needs her mother, Hermione."
"And I want to be with her, of course I do," Hermione retorted emotionally, "but it's not that simple. I can't just ignore the threat that I know is coming. Thanos is more formidable than any foe we've ever faced."
Steve shook his head "But you don't know for sure if that day will ever come."
"I can't take that risk," she told him steadily, echoes from her past coming back to haunt her. "I've already lived that future: the world destroyed by Thanos, everyone I love gone. I'm not going to let it happen for real - and nor would you if you'd seen what I have."
He pulled her close and kissed her head. "I know, I'm sorry," he said softly, "but staying with me doesn't have to be the end of your fight. You'll still have your magical connections, T'Challa will be on your side -"
"But staying on the right side of the law gives me all that and the support of the rest of the United Nations. I'm sorry, my love, but you can't argue with the numbers. And don't think that I'm not fighting your fight, too. I'm going to get you pardoned, Steve, and then we can all be together without having to look over our shoulders all the time."
He studied her face. "You really think that Ross will ever allow that to be approved?"
"He doesn't control the whole of the UN," she pointed out. "I've just helped to negotiate house arrest deals for Clint and Scott that allow them to be with their families - Sam and Wanda are next. It'll take time, but eventually they'll be willing to drop the charges against you. Nobody wants to see the Avengers vilified and locked away."
"And until that happens - if it ever does - I'm supposed to be content that you won't be a part of my life? That you won't see our daughter grow up?" Steve questioned.
"Of course I don't expect you to be happy about it!" she replied, her voice a little frustrated. "I'm not happy about it but that is where things stand at the moment. I need to earn my stripes with Ross and his allies but I know that will be a long time coming yet - he's waiting for me to slip up and give you away and that's why I'm under such close scrutiny at the moment. If I show up anywhere that he's not expecting me to be, he's going to cause a big stink about it. So, yes, as much as it breaks my heart, we're not going to be together any time soon."
He looked devastated by her words. "You're not going to change your mind, are you?"
Hermione pressed her lips together and shook her head. Steve pulled her into a tight embrace with a deep sigh. They stayed there, just holding each other for a few minutes, until something occurred to her. "You haven't told me what you've named her," she said.
"That's because I haven't," he replied, much to her surprise.
"Why not?"
"I didn't want to make a decision like that without you," he explained and Hermione felt a warm glow in her heart. "Besides, if I picked a name you didn't like I'd never hear the end of it."
She poked him in the ribs (despite the fact that what he said was true) but he chuckled and kissed the top of her head.
"I know we looked at a few names before she was born but have any stood out or come to mind since?" Hermione asked him.
"Actually there are a couple," he revealed and then explained about the name that Malaika called their daughter and its meaning.
"You want to call her Nomlanga?" Hermione questioned in faint disbelief and he chuckled.
"No, not Nomlanga," he said. "I liked what the name represented about the sun and a bright future so I researched names that you and I might be more familiar with that have a similar meaning."
"And?" Hermione prompted.
"There were two that I liked: Helen and Lucy."
Hermione loved that he had a strong connection to those names thanks to the support he had received from Malaika and T'Challa. When she remembered the way that the crystal trees had created such beautiful twinkling lights for her reunion with her daughter, she knew that they felt right. She tested the names in her mind to find which one felt right.
"Lucy," she said softly. "I like Lucy."
"You're sure?" he asked and she nodded.
"Our daughter's name is Lucy Rogers."
A/N Hope you liked it! Let me know in a review.
Lots of love,
Lil Drop of Magic