GBond007: We'll see.
vh1660924: The girls are basically using Butters to fill the void left by Annie and projecting their feelings towards her onto him.
South Down: Well he was bound to show up eventually.
"Cartman, no offense, but what exactly are we doing here?" Scott Malkinson asked as he, Cartman and Barrel Dougie strode into a town in the Wild West.
"Number one, to get as far away from whatever the Hell that was back at the forest," Cartman replied, referring to the massive battle that had occurred between the Indians and the sci-fi kids not too long ago. "Number two, since we don't have the map, we need another way to gather information on the key's whereabouts."
The three headed over to a saloon. "Alright, you guys, better let the sheriff handle this," Cartman told the other two. With that, he barged into the saloon, causing the guests to jump a bit in alarm.
"Alright, you guys, listen up!" He shouted at the patrons in the saloon. "There's a new sheriff in town! I wear the badge here, so what I say goes!"
One of the patrons, Premise Running Thin, hopped off his seat and approached Cartman. "Hey," He said, offended. "You can't just barge in here and-"
Before he could finish, Cartman snapped his fingers, and Barrel Dougie rolled over and fired his red boxing glove into Premise's gut. The small Indian doubled over in pain, collapsing onto the ground instantly.
"Anyone else?" Sheriff Cartman barked. After some hesitation, the other patrons all turned away meekly.
Cartman smirked. "Yeah, that's what I thought," He said.
Striding over to the bar counter, Cartman took a seat and placed his arm on the counter. "Alright, bub, I'll have a small glass," He ordered. "No more, no less."
"Sure thing, sheriff," Skeeter replied, heading back to get the drink.
While he waited, Cartman craned his neck over to the patron sitting next to him. Immediately, his eyes narrowed.
"Hey," He said gruffly to the patron. "I don't recall girls being allowed in saloons."
Staring at her phone, Calamity Heidi narrowed her eyes, annoyed. "I don't recall girls not being allowed," She replied curtly, flipping through some of the spells on her phone.
"They are now," Cartman replied harshly. "Get your scrawny ass out of here."
Spinning around to face him, Heidi snarled, "You looking to tussle?!"
"I would, but clearly there ain't anyone here worth the time!" Cartman retorted. "And if you're smart, you'll realize that, too."
"I'm smart and funny!" Heidi yelled.
"Yeah, you're one of those things!" Cartman snapped. "Too bad it's not the one that matters!"
"You are such an unbelievable asshole!" Heidi shouted as she hopped out of her seat. "You know what, I'm done! See you at the end of the game, loser!" With that, she stormed out of the saloon. Nearby, Scott and Dougie flinched.
"Uh, sheriff, that won't come back to haunt us, right?" Dougie asked.
"What the Hell are you talking about?" Cartman asked. "Of course it won't!"
By that point, Skeeter had returned. "Got your drink, sheriff," He said, sliding it down the counter to him. Quickly, Cartman snatched it up and took a sip.
"Nice," He said, grinning. Leaning against the counter, he furrowed his eyebrows and lowered his voice. "Now then, the real reason I'm here."
"Oh?" Skeeter asked, rubbing a glass with a handkerchief.
"I understand quite a few people are just in this game for fun," Cartman said. "But I'm here for more important matters. We're looking for the key." At that, all the patrons turned their heads in Cartman's direction, their eyes wide.
"Me and my boys went on a journey to acquire the map that tells you the key's location," Cartman said. "We fought bravely, but in the end, it was just barely snatched from us. Now we're here to see if anyone can point us in the right direction, so we can finish what we started."
For a few moments, there was an eerie silence in the saloon. Finally, someone spoke up.
"Yeah, I can tell ya," A voice said from the dark corner of the saloon.
Cartman, Scott and Dougie spun around to the source of the voice. There, sitting alone at the table, was the Old Farmer, a glass of water in his hands.
Cartman exchanged glances with his comrades, then headed down the saloon and took a seat with the Old Farmer. "What do you know?" He asked, curious.
"They say that not too far from here, you'll enter the Mystical part of the game," The Old Farmer said. "With saints, and angels, and priests. There, you follow the Holy Road, and eventually, you'll reach the Fantasy part, and after that, the Underworld. That's where you'll find it."
"Holy Road," Cartman whispered. "Great! Me and my boys will get there and-"
"But I warn you," The Old Farmer said, halting Cartman's speech. "While you're on that Holy Road, you may meet things that are entirely unholy."
"What do you mean?" Cartman asked.
"There are sayings," The Old Farmer whispered, gazing into his drink solemnly. "Sayings that everyone here is just a pawn. A pawn in a much larger scheme. Most people here think they're playing a game, and whoever gets the key wins. But in reality, whoever gets the key may end up being the biggest loser of them all." Without saying another word, he stood up and left the saloon, leaving Cartman at the desk.
Scott and Dougie approached Cartman hesitantly. "What do you think he meant by that?" Scott asked.
Cartman narrowed his eyes. "Ah, he's probably just trying to scare everyone off so he can take the key for himself," He dismissed. "Too bad I'm too smart for that! Now then, let's go and find that Holy Road!"
"Not so fast!"
The three boys whirled towards the entrance of the saloon in alarm. There, standing at the entrance, was Gunslinger Kyle. By his side was Swordsman Garrison.
Cartman calmed down when he saw who it was. "Oh, it's you," He sneered. "Where's your boyfriend?"
"Just me, fatass," Kyle replied, glaring at him.
"Uh, I'm here too, you know," Garrison said, rolling his eyes.
Cartman smirked. "You got a lot of balls coming here alone," He said. "But I guess that's good news for your fuck buddy, 'cause you've saved him the fate of seeing what we're about to do to you."
He, Scott and Dougie began to advance towards Kyle, but the gunslinger raised his pistol. "How about we settle things mano-a-mano?" He suggested.
Cartman and his comrades paused. "Huh?" Cartman asked.
"I'm calling you out," Kyle said, keeping his gun trained on him. "We settle things outside in a duel. No allies; just you and me. Man to man."
Cartman turned to face Scott and Dougie, then turned back to Kyle. "And why should I accept that?" He asked.
"What?" Kyle asked, smirking. "Are you scared of a one-on-one fight? Didn't realize you were that much of a bitch. Too scared to duel a little Jew."
Nearby, the other patrons said, "Ooh," in unison.
Cartman narrowed his eyes. "Alright, bitch, you're on," He said, raising his arm to ward Scott and Dougie off. "See you outside. And may the best gunman win."
Kyle's eyes darkened. "I intend to," He whispered, tightening his grip on his pistol.
"Kenny. . ."
"Kenny. . ."
"KENNY!"
Kenny's eyes snapped open. Instantly, he burst out of the snow, only to be met with Annie, kneeling over him, her hands on his shoulder.
"Oh thank God!" Annie exclaimed, relieved. "I was starting to believe you were a goner!"
"(W-What happened?)" Kenny asked, shaking the snow off his body.
"Well, we got buried by an avalanche that you started," Annie replied. "After that freezing spell wore off, I pulled us out of the snow. Thankfully, I don't think those two Subzero Titans were as lucky." She and Kenny scanned the area, but there was indeed no sign of them. If the titans had survived the avalanche, it'd be a long time before they managed to pull themselves out.
"Even though I was frozen, I still saw everything," Annie said. "That was pretty impressive of you."
"(Thanks,)" Kenny mumbled, getting to his feet.
"So, uh, what now?" Annie asked.
Kenny sighed. "(Well, since we fought so hard to keep that map, we might as well check it out,)" He said. Pulling out the map, he and Annie scanned it to see where they would head next.
"Hey, look," Annie whispered, pointing at one area titled Alien Junkyard, located near the icy mountains. "That place is practically right next to us."
"(Well that explains what those Subzero Titans were doing here,)" Kenny mumbled. He continued to scan the map, and his eyes landed on the Cyborg Command Center, which wasn't far off from the junkyard. His eyes widened.
"(Hey Annie, I have an idea,)" He said.
"What?" Annie asked. "Are we gonna find a way around the junkyard?"
"(Nope,)" Kenny replied. "(We're gonna head right to it!)"
Annie was silent for a moment. ". . . Huh?" She said, confused.
"(Come on!)" Kenny said, grabbing Annie by the wrist. "(I'll explain on the way!)"
With that, the two of them headed off towards the junkyard.
"Are you sure about this, Cartman?" Scott asked as the sheriff loaded his pistols and cocked them at the front of the saloon. Out in the streets, Gunslinger Kyle stood, waiting for Cartman to be ready.
"Scott, you worry too much," Cartman said casually, spinning his pistol in his hand. "It's just fucking Kyle."
"We know," Dougie replied, concerned. "It's just. . . every time you fight, he kicks your ass."
Cartman narrowed his eyes at the redhead. "Just watch," He said. "I'm about to make Kyle my bitch."
"You know, if I had a watch, I'd be looking at it right now," Kyle called out a distance away.
"Alright, alright, don't get your panties in a twist," Cartman said, turning to glare at Kyle. He placed his pistols in his holsters and headed out into the streets to meet the gunslinger.
Nearby, other residents of the town watched the standoff from the safety of the houses, peeking through the windows. Garrison was leaning against the wall, his arms folded and his saber in his hand, watching the oncoming duel in vague boredom.
Gunslinger Kyle and Sheriff Cartman locked eyes with each other as they stood on opposite sides of the street. "Nervous?" Cartman called out, his hands hovering over his holsters.
"Feeling lucky?" Kyle replied casually. His arms were folded behind his back; he didn't appear to be making any motions to draw his pistols.
"Need a count?" Cartman asked.
"Yeah, I'll count," Kyle called out to him, narrowing his eyes. "Three. . ."
Cartman readied himself to draw his pistols. I'm gonna make you my bitch, he thought.
Kyle's eyes seemed unfocused; he didn't even appear to be looking at Cartman directly, but to the side of him. His arms were still folded behind his back.
"Two. . ."
Nearby, everyone tensed up, on the edge of their seats. They awaited the final word that would commence the duel to decide who was the faster draw, who would leave the town alive.
Alas, it didn't come.
A bright light flickered in the side of Cartman's vision, distracting him from Kyle. Turning his head in the direction of the light, his eyes widened as he saw a massive, sizzling fireball, flying right towards him, too fast for him to move. All he had time to do was open his mouth to scream before the fireball made contact with him.
A large explosion erupted where Cartman was standing, the shockwave causing everyone outside to be propelled backwards, and those watching from inside the houses to recoil from the blinding light. The only one to stay where he was was Kyle, who looked on, his eyes dark.
When the explosion died down, everyone turned back to see what had become of Cartman. The sheriff was lying inside a dark crater, covered in horrific burn marks. His clothing had been set aflame, and his hat had been burned to cinders. Despite his injuries, however, he was alive.
Coughing violently, Cartman whispered, "H-How the. . ."
At that moment, none other than Calamity Heidi skipped over and leaned down in front of him, a triumphant smile on her face. "I told you," She said mockingly. "I'm smart and funny!" She waved her phone in front of Cartman's face, which had a Fireball spell on it.
Despite his pain, Cartman narrowed his eyes. "Heidi. . . you bitch. . ." He whispered through gritted teeth. "Couldn't you see we were in a duel?"
At that moment, Kyle strode up next to Heidi. "Nice job, Heidi," He said, staring down at Cartman. "That plan worked perfectly."
Cartman's eyes widened. "What?" He groaned. "You were. . . in on it?"
"I admit, I didn't plan it out like this on the way here," Kyle confessed. "But as soon as I walked into town, guess who I happened to bump into, and was all too glad to assist me."
Cartman narrowed his eyes. "You dirty Jew," He whispered, enraged. "What was all that shit about no allies, just you and me?"
"I'm sorry, Cartman, but it's about more than that," Kyle told him. "I can't risk you getting that key and wrecking havoc. I have to protect the people I care about." With that, he pulled out his pistol and aimed it at Cartman's head.
"Cartman!" Scott shouted. He and Dougie were about to rush out towards the street, but Garrison pulled out his saber, keeping them at bay.
"You coward. . ." Cartman hissed, enraged. "I'm gonna get you back for this. . . I swear. . ."
"Maybe," Kyle whispered, cocking his gun. "But for now. . . you're done."
And with that, he pulled the trigger.
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