touch serious chapter.

replies will be next week!

as always, i do not own the selection nor hetalia. these belong to kiera cass and himaruya hidekaz respectively.

"Um…good morning, Arthur," the voice of Ace Matthew travelled across the light atmosphere of the early morning as his fingers trembled against the doorknob. "I was wondering if you were – OH MY GOD."

Matthew let out a screech, springing away from the doorknob at the sight that greeted him as soon as he had opened it.

"Clothes, clothes, CLOTHES!" he shrieked, covering his eyes as Alfred clumsily got up from the bed, trying to catch his bearings.

"Mph…sor-ry," he mumbled, shuffling into the bathroom, sleepily reaching for the zip that had loosened to around his waist, leaving his upper torso completely exposed. Pawing around Arthur's room, he held up a pair of loose pants and a white shirt.

"Sugar, can I borrow this for a sec?" he asked, turning back to press a kiss against Arthur's forehead.

Matthew could pinpoint the exact moment Arthur's eyes softened, and the way he nodded and reciprocated the gesture spoke volumes about their relationship.

"Until when?" Arthur said jokingly, folding his arms. "You've already taken my scarf…"

"But you've taken my jacket," Alfred grinned back. "About the kiss…when I lose my morning breath I'll give you as many as you want."

"T…tch, I didn't mean that, idiot," Arthur humph-ed, but grinned all the same. "All right then. Be careful in there…"

Matthew and Arthur – after when he tore his gaze from Alfred making his way to his bathroom, naturally – exchanged embarrassed glances then burst out laughing, Arthur wrapping the blanket around his head in embarrassment.

"Had a nice night, eh?" Matthew teased, coming to the edge of the bed and nudging him on the shoulder, keeping one heart to his chest to calm his heartbeat.

"Of – of course not, Matthew, ah…" Arthur stuttered, blushing madly when he caught sight of Matthew's suggestive expression.

"Well, judging by the general unkemptness of your hair and my brother's sleepwear the way it is, I think my suspicions have some ground." Matthew grinned, folding his arms with a hint of satisfaction.

The two of them heard humming, followed by the sound of rushing water inside the bathroom, and struggled to hold in their laughter – Alfred wasn't exactly the most talented of musicians.

"Don't make it sound so sinister, it's nothing like what you're suggesting. We didn't want to break the unspoken rule before the official announcement, and the two of us aren't that…confident in those matters just yet." Arthur confessed. "Ack, this is so embarrassing…"

"I'll be your brother in law very soon," Matthew smiled warmly, taking in his hand. "And soon there'll be some support in helping me confess to Alfred about the affair. Of Gilbert and I-"

"Of course, but-" Arthur began, but was interrupted with Alfred's presence, his eyes shocked and disbelieving.

The humming and the sounds of the shower had stopped.

"What…affair?" Alfred said, his voice deathly quiet. He had Arthur's nightclothes – that were a little shorter for him – but the hand around his towel had loosened, dropping it to the floor.

Matthew's face paled, and Arthur's heart dropped into his stomach.

In the name of the Fates, please, don't-

"Have you...have you two been having an affair with each other?" Alfred said grimly.

"What? No, no, of course, not!" Matthew exclaimed, but Arthur could easily see the distress in his expression. "Did you think that we-"

"Matthew." Alfred's voice was hard. "We have to talk outside. Now. No, actually, fuck that – we're talking here because Arthur obviously knows what's happening, right?" he said, anger punctuating his tone that sent fear shooting into Arthur's heart.

This can't be how it ends. For him to hate me after finding out how Matthew and Gilbert are together, and how I hid their relationship…

Arthur opened his mouth, but the prince didn't give him a chance, his cold gaze fixing squarely on his brother.

"I swear, I knew. Those small letters you snuck in for his little yellow bird. How you were always extra busy come Saturday, the way the two of you would come late together after Meetings. That damn Iron Cross necklace you always wear! Of course it had to all connect for someone." Alfred said, his chest heaving.

"How – when, exactly, did it start between you two?" he continued, his blue eyes taking on a dangerous sheen.

Matthew swallowed tightly. "Our sixteenth birthday party."

"I knew it. That was why you were so damn distracted! You barely gave anyone else's gifts a look, but when Gilbert appeared with that little present box of his What was that - was it the Iron Cross?" Alfred demanded.

"Yes, it was," Matthew said, almost inaudibly. "It was his symbol of him promising himself to me. He said that King Ludwig gave his own to Feliciano to promise himself to him no matter what."

"Duchess, I should have seen it coming. We all should have. What were you thinking, Matthew! You shouldn't be making this mistake, especially since you're you!" Alfred said. "A Joker and an Ace, together?! You've read all those legends about how dangerous that is. They were our bedtime stories!"

"You don't know, Alfred!" Matthew lashed out for a moment, eyes locking onto his brother's. "Your own fucking love story has always been so easy, and you come in and criticize me-"

"If it was so easy, Matthew," came the icy reply, "I would have chosen Arthur months ago. I would have decided and ended this."

"What do you mean?" Matthew said. "You are choosing him-"

"That's no longer part of your business," Alfred snarled. "Now move out of the way. I'll talk to you again later."

Matthew's face flared with apprehension, but he reluctantly retreated back to the hallway leading to Arthur's room. Arthur slowly approached him, Alfred's face following his brother, but before he could say anything Alfred spoke.

"Is this the reason you stayed? For my brother, instead of me? Do you have any idea what you've been keeping all these months?" Alfred's voice was cold, and Arthur realized that he could barely recognize it compared to his usual voice.

"Alfred, they're – they're in love. Please, just let the two of them explain, they're just as in love as we are. You've got to only see them for a day, I swear-" Arthur said desperately, moving a little closer to his side, not daring to look into his eyes.

"Are we?" Alfred said, his voice defeated as he lowered his chin to meet Arthur's green eyes. "Arthur, were we ever in love? What – how much was it to stay in and protect my brother instead of staying here for me? H-How much of what we are is a lie…?"

"None of it," Arthur whispered, his fingers trembling as they gestured to where they usually found themselves, against Alfred's knuckles like last night where they had been in the garden. "None of it was a lie, Alfred. Before I got to know you, I was here for my family and him, but everything's changed since then!"

"I've spent a day with them already," Alfred said, words laced with jealousy. "The evening of our sixteenth birthday. After we blew out the candles on our cake. Ludwig offered to dance with me after they gave the presents out, and everyone knew that we wouldn't think twice because he was committed to his duty of holding his Deciding later that fall. But Matthew took Gilbert out onto the floor, and by the way they looked at each other, the way they held each other as they danced around."

He exhaled, holding the bridge of his nose, his feet glued to the floor. "Any fool could have seen that they were falling in love, right there and then. Just…just like that, I'd lost my brother."

"Alfred," Arthur said. "Not every love story's is simple, like those in fairytales. Just look at us-"

"Eight months, Arthur," Alfred said, his tone pained. "Eight months, and we still have so many things between us. Those three words are almost like a taboo for us. It's a constant, painful reminder that we're still holding back from each other."

I love you, Arthur pleaded internally, saying what his lips could not move to say, to cry out, to shout. More than you could ever know between words. "Don't – please don't let this come between us. I swear, it's you t-that I'm here for you. You're why I'm still here-"

Alfred's blue eyes seared his, cold and distant.

"Of everything you've said to me so far, the pain of that possibly being a lie hurts the most, Arthur Kirkland." his expression shifted, taking on a face full of hurt, but it quickly hardened.

Back into his mask that Arthur had tried so hard to ease off.

"Matthew!" he ordered, in that cold, emotionless voice that Arthur was terrified of. "We're going to Yao. Now. Arthur, you're staying there. I'm not letting you leave."

"Alfred? Alfred, please, you can't-" Arthur gasped, feeling everything inside him crumple. "If we ever meant anything to you, let me-"

Arthur heard him exhale once, a tortured breath that seemed to last a lifetime but felt like a heartbeat's worth at the same time. The doorknob twitched for a moment.

And then, that moment ended with Arthur collapsing against his door, tears falling down his face as he covered it with his shaking hands.

They were no longer warm.

"What did you do to him?" Matthew demanded, his heart pummeling against his chest as Alfred took brisk, harried steps towards what was certainly Yao's study on the second floor. "Alfred, answer me!"

"Miss," Alfred said in a hard tone, catching the attention of the nearest maid standing by near a bust of some Spades queen Matthew couldn't remember. "Put the whole palace on lock down. Get to the kitchens and make sure they spread the word there."

"P…Pardon, Your Highness?" she sputtered, disbelief etched onto her every feature. "The whole palace suspended – is there a rebel attack?"

"Something unspeakable's happened," Alfred said. "Now go!'

With a wordless nod, she pelted off, but as soon as Alfred tried to catch hold of Matthew's wrist his brother tore himself from his grip.

"Alfred, answer me!" he shouted, worry etched onto his features. "What did you do to Arthur?"

"…" Alfred's mouth was still for a few moments before he spoke, his expression speaking volumes of anguish and fury and love, so much that Matthew could tell that whatever semblance of a mask he had once worn was completely torn from his face.

"Do you think," he said, voice suddenly shrinking to a whisper, "Do you think…do you think I would harm the one that I love? After you vouched for him? I know what he did was for your sake, Matthew. But he broke my trust, right from the very beginning. I don't know who to trust any more."

"You can still trust me," Matthew said, letting a hint of a plea slip into his vice. "And Arthur. And Yao. Alfred, do you seriously believe what we're doing is wrong? We're trying to prevent war, not start it!"

Matthew felt his eyes water underneath his glasses, and didn't stop to catch his brother's expression before he continued.

"Mother and Father said that they wanted us to care for someone first above all, not marry another for political gains or something else. Isn't that what we're doing? Staying with people that we love?" Matthew whispered, desperately hoping that his plea would not fall on deaf ears. "Alfred, come on. You know that what we're doing is only human."

The two of them stood together for a few tense moments, before Alfred laughed. Not in humour, but something more diluted, almost as if were something choking him, threatening to drown him entirely. Matthew could only watch as Alfred coughed the sound away.

"Matthew, I…" Alfred said, his tone flat. "I don't want to do this. I'm not as experienced as you, but I'm trying. I don't know how to handle this situation. I'm doing my best. I'm trying to reduce the damage from the fallout that'll happen when they find out about your relationship – no, your illicit relationship. But when you tell me, on the day I was going to marry the person I love that everything I have with him as been a lie, what else am I supposed to do?"

"Trust those who know more about it than you do," Matthew said, fingers tentatively curling for his brother's hand. "Al, you know as well as I do that the love he has for you isn't a lie, and it will never be. You don't have to be alone in solving this problem. You have me, Yao and Arthur, as well as Ludwig, Gi-and, and your other friends. You don't have to be alone, and you never will."

"I wish that was true," Alfred said bitterly, but turned away, brushing away Matthew's hand. "I'm seeing Yao before anything else happens."

"What about-" Matthew began, but stopped as Alfred's footsteps ground to a halt.

"Don't." Alfred said, his voice cracking, betraying the grief that was burning in his soul. "Don't say his name, Matthew. It's over."

"It's – what?" Matthew gaped, grabbing his arm and forcing Alfred to look him in the eye. "You – you know as well as I do how much he loves you!"

"Does he?" Alfred sobbed, blinking his eyes fiercely. "He's never told me that he loves me, with those three words. I don't know anymore, Matthew. And the worst thing is that? I can't just love someone like that. I can't just chop and change. You may think I'm lucky to marry whoever I want to-"

"You are!" Matthew shouted, gripping his brother's jacket in rage. "You don't ever have to feel fear when you're with the person you love. You k-know when you're going to see them the next time! You know that they're safe. You can see them every day if you so wish. But me? The moment I'm found out, I'm accused for a crime that only makes me human!"

"Matthew, you don't-" Alfred replied sharply, but Matthew was too overcome to even listen to him anymore.

"What?" he wept, his fists tightening. "You can just run another Deciding, again and again, and find another Arthur. But once the troops you'll send out find Gilbert, there…he's gone. There won't ever be another Gilbert for me. I'll be forced into some loveless marriage, and live with the fact that I sent the person I love to his death. I can't live with that. No one can."

Something in Alfred's features changed – his eyes darkened, turning almost blue-gray in the white light, and he pried Matthew away in a gesture that was both forceful yet cautious, running his hands through his hair.

"Just because I'm a prince and I can run a Deciding doesn't mean whoever I marry is disposable," Alfred said letting out a long, tortured exhale. "Even if I run another hundred Deciding processes there won't be another like him. There won't ever be another person that makes me feel the way I do when I'm around him. No one will be able to fill my heart in the way Arthur does, no one will have his voice or tell me off or make me laugh. And to find this out, that he helped you with your secret even though he promised that I could trust him…you don't understand how crushing it is, to have the one person that I love more than myself essentially betray me."

"It was with good intentions," Matthew insisted. "Don't take your anger out on him!"

"If it was that simple, I already wouldn't have," Alfred said bitterly. "But you don't really know what you've done. You haven't just ruined two lives, you've ruined at least four, and the safety of a whole continent. Just remember it before you judge what they're going to do to you."

"What - th-they…?" Matthew said, shocked.

"I'm not so… you surely don't think I'm so heartless that I'd want to hurt my brother and one of my best friends, aren't I?" Alfred whispered, brushing away tears that were cascading down his cheeks. "You're still my brother. I'll still defend you to my final breath. But Fates knows what'll happen when the advisors get wind of this. Don't – for my sake, and for Arthur's sake, tell them he had any part in this, and try to keep the damage as little as possible, even if it means unbearable sacrifice. D-Do you understand?"

Matthew's expression fell, and he let his face fall forward, his loose curl bouncing in his face as shame filled his features once more. In a matter of minutes, they would intercept Gilbert's train when they found out.

And everything would be over.

"Do you understand!" Alfred cried, shaking his brother's shoulders. "I know it hurts. I can't do anything about it. I have to at least tell Yao. Please, don't…don't hate me for doing what's right."

Matthew could only stare dully at his brother's face, and felt like he was moving through molasses on the way to his guardian's study.

Gilbert…

Why won't this one go away, again? Yao asked himself, trying his best to not roll his eyes. She's been hounding me ever since breakfast.

Yao was currently cooped up in his study as he did on most days, especially in such extreme cold that hadn't been seen in Spades for over fifty years. His pen hovered over the pile of seemingly endless paper work, but he had to stop as soon as this advisor had trooped into his room, a thin plastic folder in her hand and began to chatter his right ear, his left ear and all perceptive senses off the chart, so much that he couldn't concentrate on the pieces of legislation he had to sign…

"And the retail sector's not being as active this Christmas season, which is unfortunate," she continued to ramble. "With it being homeland affairs, this must be down your alley, right, Jack Yao?"

"Yes…Aileen," Yao said, taking a moment to peer at the small, purple pin attached to her jacket. "Yes, it is. However, if you want to talk about finances, you must seek out Ace Matthew since economy is right down his alley."

"Oh, but Jack Yao," she continued as if she had not heard the remark at all. "I already have all the numbers, but I was just wondering about the trend within Spades that has caused this decrease-"

"Couldn't you find it within your results?" Yao asked, desperately holding back a laugh. "The…set of numbers you must have found would have suggested some correlation."

"I can't seem to find what they are without some numbers that only the Primary Suit have…" she said, leaning forward with a prying expression that made him press his lips into a thin line.

If she's implying what I believe her to be…

"A group of advisors – not like I'm included, of course – at the very top are concerned about the Primary Suit's possible lack of trust, to say," Aileen continued, crossing her legs. "And I don't want these rumours, so to speak, spread further, so if you let me have some information that you haven't shared with most and I can present them, then, well…"

"All right. I'm sorry, Aileen, but I'm not sure exactly what sort of 'confidential' information you believe that the three of us – two, officially – are hiding from you, but-" Yao began to reply a little harshly, but was interrupted with a set of three knocks on the door.

Those three sounds on his door were Alfred's signal.

Ah, is he going to end it now? I suppose it's been fine time he ends this, as he's been wanting to for a while…

"Prince Alfred, Ace…Matthew," Yao said, pausing as he took in Alfred's tight face, Matthew's anguished expression. "What brings you two here?"

"Ah, Your Highnesses!" the advisor said, standing up with an unreadable expression on her face. "What a treat?"

"Can you excuse us, please?" Alfred said, his voice low, not really facing her per se. "It's a matter that's between the Primary Suit's ears only."

"…Well I never, my Jack!" she exclaimed triumphantly, and Matthew and Yao exchanged a look of mutual desperation, although Matthew's eyes said something else. "It seems that there is something that you are hiding from us, correct?"

"You do understand, Aileen, that the relationship we share is far beyond the bonds co workers share, yes?" Yao said, his voice stony as he cast a warning glance at Alfred.

The damage was done; now she'd refuse to leave.

"Naturally, but they shouldn't be something so drastic that you'd have to force one of the top advisors to leave, yes?" she pressed on, putting her folder on her lap. "So, please carry on, you three."

"…" Alfred didn't say anything as he moved to Yao's side, Matthew following closely behind him, but the expression in his face said it all.

It was fear in volumes he hadn't seen in the young prince's face since childhood. It must have been so bad that he didn't want to say it in the first place, but with an advisor in the background, let alone a top one.

"Matthew. Do you want to-" he said, taking a surprise turn towards his brother instead. "I don't want to. You know I don't."

"…no, it's only right," Matthew said, stepping forward and releasing a shaky breath. "Yao…I'm sorry. I've failed you. I've failed Spades. I've failed Cards."

Yao tried to acutely ignore the very invested advisor, and focus on the needs of those he actually cared about.

"What do you mean?" he said, surprise shooting into his heart, coupled with a bolt of dread. Matthew didn't play around, he never did. "Matthew, you know you can trust me with anything."

A small, imperceptible shake of his head told Yao everything again.

Not in front of the advisor. Please, only you'd understand.

Matthew blinked, his lashes staying shut for a moment too long as he parted his lips again.

Forgive me.

"The Joker. Gilbert." he began, throat catching on the name, and kept on going as if it physically pained him. "I…I have been having an illicit relationship with him, since – since, since. For three years, now."

Illicit relationship…? Fates. Matthew, Matthew, you…

"But of course it is!" the advisor screeched, the shock of it making Yao jolt. "A relationship with Diamonds' Joker! Ace Matthew, what were you thinking – the court will hear about this! All the people-"

"Aileen!" Yao shouted, fixing her with a glare, the strongest he could muster as all this information whirled around in his head. "Sit down this instant."

"There must be some sort of retribution for your liege's traitorous actions!" she said, getting out of her seat. "Do you not intend to punish him for his horrific actions. You should be shamed, the two of you – all of you!"

"I will sort this out with my own wisdom," Yao said. "Alfred, make sure that she does not leave this room before I find out about the whole situation. Matthew. Is this true?"

"Y-Yes," Matthew whispered, and Yao could feel the tears lacing his voice. "I…I had to confess to Alfred. I couldn't hide it any longer."

"You do know what a relationship between an Ace and a Joker means, right?" Yao said, trying to somehow calm a very distressed Matthew down.

This confession was extremely brave of him. And to be called a traitor and having an affair as a horrific action was something Yao still feared.

This could have been me, he thought as he placed a shivering hand on Matthew's shoulder. It could have been Ivan, torn to shreds by his brutal court. It could have been the two of us.

"What do you think we should do now?" Yao said, feeling his heart in his ribcage beat, the sound ringing in his ears.

"An appropriate action that I think must be taken now," the advisor said, drawing herself up and tilting her chin haughtily, "is that we seize the Joker himself and bring him to Spades and inflict punishment."

Matthew made a pained gasp in his throat, something relatively minuscule but so pent up that Yao could feel his agony in that moment. Something tenfold that he had felt when Ivan was torn from him in his last visit.

"Aileen, I do not believe seizing him will do anything for our already cool relationship with Diamonds, and will not do anything for our strained relationship with Clubs with attacking a key member of their closest ally. I suggest that we bring him, not-" Yao said, but she had already gone on a tangent.

"Well, do that, then! Whatever we need to do to bring face back to the disgrace that is this situation to Spades. No one is getting off lightly in this situation. We may have to go to war if necessary." She said, hysterical in her movement. "There is no way that there will not be huge fallout after this."

Matthew's hand fell onto the desk, and Yao noticed his other grasp at a sort of black cross that he wore on his neck.

An Iron Cross – a distinct curved shape, the silver outline, the black center…

He briefly thought back to the last Meeting, the last he had seen their Hearts allies. King Ludwig had been as polished as usual, always at Jack Feliciano's side, who wore an Iron Cross – King Ludwig's heirloom that he had given to Feliciano during his own Deciding, one that he made Feliciano promise to keep even if the Fates deemed him unfit to rule Hearts.

Joker Gilbert was King Ludwig's brother, and had had a short reign as Hearts queen before Feliciano had succeeded the throne as Jack and therefore provided the bare minimum of two in a court. He must have had another Iron Cross, one that he gave to his lover…

This is real, isn't it? Yao thought, the sickening feeling filling his stomach. And I didn't see it. I couldn't help it.

What kind of guardian am I?

"We'll apprehend him on the train, then," Aileen said, her right hand curling around her left hand, which now formed a fist. "The Joker and his entourage should be around two hours from the Spades station."

With that, she flounced out, and Alfred watched her go as the door slammed in his face, his whole body tense.

The instant her heels stopped clacking along the marble of the Spades palace floor, Matthew broke down, dissolving into sobs as he clutched the cross against the palm of his hand.

"It's over, it's over, oh Fates he's gone," Matthew hiccupped, choking against his own tears. "No, no, no…why did I have to do this? Why did I have to hurt him? They'll beat him up and try to frame him, they will…it's all my fault…"

"Matthew. Listen to me," Yao said, cupping his elbows in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. "I will contact King Francis and the Diamonds Suit about the situation right now. We must get all the aid we can. And King Ludwig deserves to know. You understand why, yes?"

"We haven't done anything wrong," Matthew sobbed, curling on himself. "I'm not a traitor, Yao. Neither of us are. We…we don't want to start a w-war, we're just…we're just human, and all we've done is love each other. There aren't any dangerous children, it's just us and-"

"Matthew. Matthew, come here," Yao said, gathering up him in his arms as if he were five again as Matthew howled in his arms, pressing the sounds against his knuckles as tears streamed down his face. "Listen to me. I'll – We'll do anything to make this better. I swear on the Fates."

Alfred stood silent near the door, his blue eyes taking in all the destruction that had happened in the space of a morning.

The train chugged along the tracks as Gilbert folded his blank paper and stared outside the window. No words were coming forth, he'd have to deliver them from his mouth instead of a note. Why? Because that wasn't as awesome in his eyes…

Just an hour, he recited to himself, shuttering his eyes. Just two hours until I can be in his arms again, telling him jokes, his fingers in my hair…

His scarlet eyes flew open moments later as a commotion erupted behind his cabin door, and jumped as he felt the train come to a halt. A few more footsteps, and a entourage of around five Spadian soldiers stood outside his door, their expressions grim.

"Uh – has something happened? Train breaking, or…?" Gilbert asked, gingerly standing up. "Has something happened in-"

"Joker Gilbert," one of them said, producing a pair of handcuffs, the dim sunlight catching on one of them. "You are being apprehended for the charge of an illicit affair that is illegal according to Cards law. We are taking you straight to Spades."

"What the fuck?" Gilbert growled, not holding back his profanity as if it were a way to disguise his fear. Had they found out about him and Matthew? "All of you, get back-"

Have they done anything to him? Is he all right?

My vision.

"If he's restraining arrest, the advisors said that we could use force," the soldier said, swinging the handcuffs. "Apprehend him."

Three of them nodded, and one of them went straight for his torso, lashing out with his knee and scoring a direct blow that sent Gilbert reeling. Gilbert whipped around, reaching for his arm, but another had already joined in the fray, grabbing two of his arms and yanking them tight against his back. Gilbert shouted out, the pain searing, and kicked out. He heard a shout of pain – not knowing who it was at this point – and heard the click of handcuffs.

Adrenaline shot through his system and he tried to shove them off, feeling for a moment like his brother and not the scrawnier, shorter version of Ludwig, but as soon as he scored on a target he felt the handcuffs tighten around his wrists painfully, and he was jerked to his knees. He felt the kick of a boot on his cheek and he spat, but that only gave him another blow that sent everything reeling and the red velvet of the cabin blurring, blurring into softened violet eyes.

Then nothing.

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