A/N: This story is getting more ridiculous by the minute, lol. Enjoy!

Chapter 2

"I still don't understand why Percy held me back," She grumbled while Harry was trying to push her back into her chair, but she couldn't keep still, she needed to pace, she needed to come up with a plan to kill Malfoy, or at least get the best revenge that was possible, he truly deserved it this time.

"Because otherwise I would have had to arrest you and let you spend a night in Azkaban Mione, do you really want that?" Harry sighed, pushing her down again.

It didn't faze her one bit. "If that is what it takes, I'll gladly take a night in Azkaban!"

"You don't know what you're saying, the Dementors are still there, it's cold, dirty and utterly miserable, you'd go mad within a day, believe me, Malfoy is not worth it."

She ogled him with big eyes. "Since when are you Malfoy's advocate? Last time I checked you hated him even more than I did." She huffed.

Harry grumbled. "He's not that bad anymore."

"What?!" She yelled loudly while Harry covered his ears. "Says the boy who turned Hogwarts upside down to prove that Malfoy was a Death Eater, which he was, need I remind you?"

"Exactly, he was. After the war he apologized, to you as well and you know it, I got to know him, he's not that bad." Harry didn't meet her eyes and she felt her anger rise even more when she figured out that he kept his apparent friendship with Malfoy a secret from her.

She almost had a grip on the statue that was adorning Harry's bookcase in his office when Harry grabbed her wrist, damn Auror training! "Let go of me, I need to smash something." She hissed.

"Merlin Hermione, since when are you this violent?" Harry had his eyebrows raised and she tried to dig through her brain. She knew he was right, she had never been this vindictive but somehow Malfoy brought out the worst in her.

She sighed deeply, she knew that she was more violent than she had ever been but ever since the war ended, she didn't really know what to do with herself. Her nightmares were at an all-time high, something she hadn't struggled with during the war but now she sometimes woke up with her entire room destroyed, and no recollection of what happened.

When she didn't answer him he didn't press on the fact that she couldn't tell him why, but more what she could do about it. "What have you tried?"

"Tried?" She stared at him, slowly putting down the figurine.

"Yes, tried. Surely you have gotten help for it, like I did with my nightmares. I know it sounds dumb but sitting on a strangers couch, vomiting all your fears and problems is kind of soothing.

"Soothing?" Of course she hadn't gotten any help, she was Hermione Granger and she could solve this on her own.

"Are you going to repeat everything I say?" Her best friend got a little irritated and she couldn't blame him.

"Never mind, I'll figure it out, it will probably all go away if I make Malfoy go away," She got up again and was reaching for the door.

"That was not exactly what I had in m-…Hermione where are you going?!" Harry was yelling after her but she was already hallway through the hallway, on her way to the elevators to go up to the eight floor and kill that bastard.

It took her less than eight minutes to reach the eight floor and stomp to the end of the hallway and knock, or rather slam on the door of Malfoy's office, right before changing her mind and using her wand to just bombard the thing and get it out of the way.

Unfortunately she had forgotten how much of a mess it used to make and while coughing because of the smoke, she tumbled into the office, right into the arms of the man she so dearly hated.

"Wowow Granger, watch it woman," The man of her nightmares had his hands, his fucking hands, on her hips and without thinking she tried to bring up her knee to kick him in the balls.

He was quicker than her and blocked her charge with his own leg, gripping her hips more firmly. "Oh no, I don't think so." His hands transferred to her upper arms and squeezed them tightly. "You already had your shot once, there won't be a second time."

"That was third year, you're long due for another one." She shot back and tried again, which he blocked efficiently.

"I've hardly done anything to deserve this kind of treatment Granger, care to explain your sudden rage?" He innocently asked, still keeping her at arm's length.

She was seething. "You know perfectly well why I'm angry with you. I have a department full of idiots downstairs, which, and it's confirmed by plenty of people, you send to me. You're just doing this to torment me and I'm not having it."

His smirk was frustratingly present and she could feel sweat covering her entire body, even her knickers were damp. "Now, now Granger, the only thing I did was provide you with enough employees to fulfill your tasks, how am I in the wrong here? All I wanted to do was help."

Innocent was not a good look on him. "You purposely sending me dunderheads and they're destroying my office, literally. They are anything but helpful so if you don't want me to punch you in the face again, I suggest you back the fuck off." See, she could be polite if she wanted too.

It was right then that Harry came charging into the office, clearly out of breath, with Ron, Seamus and Theo right on his heels. Great.

"Hermione, he's not worth it," Ron of course, always the dumbass.

"I can't let you do this Hermione," Harry, because always the savior.

"I forgot my fucking camera," Seamus, because who else.

"Malfoy, you okay?" Theo, always the fucking Slytherin.

It took both Harry and Ron to hold her back once Malfoy let go of her arms. She knew that what she was doing was far from professional but one way or another Malfoy provoked something in her that was rather primal.

Her cheeks were probably flushed bright red and her hair must be a nightmare by now but somehow she didn't care. All she cared about was the fact that Malfoy had done this purely to annoy her and he needed to be punished for that, but telling Harry somehow made her sound like a snitch and she hadn't been one since Hogwarts.

"Let go of me this instant," She hissed to her two best friends and they reluctantly loosened their grip but didn't let go. "I won't attack him," She promised and they finally let go.

"Thank Merlin, Potter you need to keep that one in check because she's a danger to the Ministry." Malfoy stirred the pot again.

"Don't start, ferret, you'll get what's coming to you, don't you worry." She pointed at him with an icy glare and turned around and marched out of his partially destroyed office.

"Oi, who's paying for that door Granger!" Malfoy yelled after her and she flipped him without looking back.

"Just ask your daddy, you're rather good at that," She yelled for good measure and took the shortest route to the floo grates, there was no way in hell that she was going back to work right now. She needed a bath, some pizza and a good movie to cry to.

The next day started off rather grim when she spotted one of her employees with Mister Turner, the duck, in her arms and she already knew it would be another tiresome day.

"Didn't Miss Weasley tell you to take Mister Turner to St. Mungo's?" She sighed with an irritated tone.

The woman was trembling, obviously afraid of her. Good. "Yes, they said they couldn't help him right away, they were swamped and we made an appointment for next week."

"Well, he better be alive by next week or you're fired as well." She didn't care that the woman flinched, that was how much of a heartless bitch she had become.

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, my boyfriend is apparently allergic to ducks, I had no idea, so I can't keep him with me." The woman whined, she didn't even know her name and tried to pick her brain to come up with it, something with an L.

"Then toss him out," Hermione deadpanned.

"But you just told me to take care of him?" Confusion was written all over Lancaster's face, no not Lancaster, Lester?

"Not the duck, the boyfriend," She sighed again.

The woman looked at her in shock, clearly at a loss for words. Okay, maybe that was a little harsh, it was hardly the woman's fault, was it?

"Never mind, hand me the duck," How hard could it be to take care of such a small animal, he was rather cute after all and she petted the speckled animal which quacked with what seemed like happiness.

She directed the woman back to work, Lester, Lorry or whatever the hell her name was, and ducked Turner the duck underneath her arm, snuggling him closer.

Once at her desk she waited for Ginny to arrive and in the meanwhile started to plot Malfoy's demise. That man needed to pay for what he was doing to her and she needed a subtle plan. She had to make sure that they couldn't trace it back to her or her department.

She was furiously scribbling away when Ginny walked in and raised a curious eyebrow from her to the duck and back again. "Is that Mister Turner?"

The duck quacked twice and she looked up. "Oh don't start, St. Mungo's didn't have any room and Lackey's boyfriend is allergic to ducks of all things, I think I rather like him as a duck, better than an employee at least."

"Lackey?" Was all Ginny asked and that probably meant that also wasn't the woman's name.

"Yes, her," She waved backwards, not bothering searching out the right woman.

Ginny just hauled up her shoulders and took the seat next to her.

"Cover his office in duck shit, sent him a never-ending cloud of rain, put gnomes in his office… Hermione tell me this isn't revenge against Malfoy? These are rather petty." Ginny snickered and tried to pry her coffee away from Turner the duck.

"Well, he needs to pay somehow and the first one is probably not working, you're right, I only have one duck after all." Turner quacked again as if he agreed with her and she wondered how much he really understood.

Ginny seemed to think for a minute. "If you ever need the gnomes, you know where to find them."

They both dissolved into laughter and she could already see Malfoy with his prissy blond hair and his tailored clothes trying to rid himself of a couple of dozen gnomes, clawing away at his ankles.

"Nah, you're right, I need to come up with something better. I'll think of something and in the meantime I'll make myself useful by sorting all these unresolved cases that once again made a way onto our desk."

It took three more days before she had to see Malfoy again, in the meantime employees kept piling on her doorstep and Malfoy seemed determined as ever to make her life a living hell.

Only it was Malfoy this time that stood angrily at her desk on a Friday morning. "What have you done?" He said to clenched teeth and she honest to god had no idea what he was talking about.

"Huh?" She reacted rather uninterested, glad the tables were turned for once.

"Where the hell is he? What have you done?"

What the fuck was he going on about? "I haven't done anything and if that was all, I kindly request you leave my office, oh and while you're at it, take those fuck up's with you, I believe they belong to you." She said dryly.

"My father! What have you done to my father? He's gone missing right around that day that you barged into my office with threats, knee's and what not." His fingers were gripping her desk and were going paler than usual.

For a minute she didn't know how to react and then she started to laugh. "Your father? What makes you take I'm capable of doing anything to your father?" She laughed even louder now.

"You're capable of anything when your mad." He wasn't far off, but Lucius Malfoy? Come off it, that man was an enigma and highly capable of defending himself.

"You can laugh all you want Granger, but if I find out, and I will, that you have my father, there will be hell to pay! And since when do you have fucking duck?!" Malfoy yelled and she quickly stuck her hand out to calm Turner, who had been quacking like mad ever since Malfoy showed up, maybe he was protecting her, how sweet.

"I don't have your father Malfoy, I would never stoop so low, that's more your expertise, and hands off my duck! If I find out you hurt him, you'll be the one eating dirt, now get out of my office before I call the Aurors!" She yelled and held out her wand for good measure. How dare he accuse her of kidnapping his father! As if she would want to kidnap such a horrid man?!