appears
well i'm so glad everyone enjoyed the new chapter, i say as i duck tomatoes. i hope everyone loves this one as well! i exclaim as a shower of pitchforks soar through the air and stab the ground in front of me
also: i would ask that this chapter's title actually matters haha. please search it up if you don't understand it - it's just one of my favourite words in the english language.
as always, i do not own the selection nor hetalia. these belong to kiera cass and himaruya hidekaz respectively.
The light that filtered off the silver frame of the window was the harsh sight that assaulted Gilbert's senses when he came to.
A brutal winter in Spades had created a colder environment than in Hearts and Diamonds for this year, and so as his eyes fluttered open the air was freezing and he could swear that he breathed out a steam cloud as he got himself upright, toes curling and arms scrabbling to his sides as he leaned against the bed frame and-
"Ack," Gilbert groaned, his throat protesting at the sudden sound as several sharp pains made their presence known as he moved his abused body.
Welts and bruises had contaminated his ghostly pale skin from shades of deep purple to a garish red. As he released his hands, he got a good look at them – his wrists were marked, and as he ran cautious fingers up his face he could feel more tender marks alongside his jaw and cheek. A deep cut that was sloppily bandaged near his cheekbone, and when he took a look at his legs, propped up on the cot, he tucked them underneath the blanket almost immediately, material coarse under his tired fingers.
"Well," he said, his bruise on his cheek and jaw protesting as they moved, "They did a number on this old thing, didn't they?"
Where am I – the train, the noise. We stopped…
"You're awake," a voice said abruptly, jolting Gilbert from his hazy reverie. It was a Spades soldier, somewhat like the ones that had beat him up in the carriage of the train. He couldn't tell if it was the exact sort of people that had done it, but still. "You."
"Yeah, me." Gilbert croaked out, trying to make a joke but his injuries causing the move to fail.
"How can you speak like that?" the guard gaped, her hands tightening into fists. Gilbert subconsciously asked himself why she did not have a weapon – perhaps they didn't want him to be beaten into a pulp while he was asleep. "Do you know what you've done to Ace Matthew's honour!? Tainted! They're outside trying to salvage his reputation! You must surely know."
"…I don't know," Gilbert began slowly, forcing a smile back onto his facade. "I haven't been outside ever since your cohorts beat me up in the train. I'm still a royal, missus. All Jokers are born from royalty. Who says I don't have something to protect as well?"
What a pathetic front, but it's believable. Gilbert thought to himself as her expression contorted into fury. If I get them to take all their anger out on me, maybe they won't touch Matthew. I'd rather the heat be on me than him-
Abruptly, a scraping noise from outside his pasty, painted door brought Gilbert into an apprehensive state, his bruised hands curling into fists. Who was on the other side of the door?
He hated the possibility of the first name that rushed into his mind; he hated how much fear was driven into his heart at the thought of it.
After what happened in the train, this was surely no guest room.
This was a prison.
A moment later, the scraping turned into footsteps against the familiar marble floor of Spades, and Gilbert's heart leapt at the same time it tried to shirk away against the back of his ribcage.
To both his relief and tension, Alfred's immaculately pressed suit was the one that made its entrance into Gilbert's room. He was holding a foldable metal chair, and by the way his footsteps were slow and how he quietly sat into it instead of collapsing on it like he usually did, Gilbert knew that he wasn't a friend any more in this moment.
"Miss? I'll take over from here," he said to the soldier. "You are excused."
"Yes, Your Highness," she said, her voice venomous as she glared at Gilbert again. "Make him pay what he's done to our monarch."
"…" Alfred didn't say anything, but waited until she left before he unfolded a chair and sat down in the middle of the space.
The two of them sat in the room in silence for a period of time Gilbert couldn't even tell how long it was exactly. There was only one thing on his mind, and it wasn't his punishment or how exactly they were discovered. It was about Matthew's safety. He knew since it was his own country, he wouldn't be as harshly punished as he himself would. That little fact alone was consolation enough, but…
He needed answers. And the one closest to him was sitting right in front of him, with his hands clasped together between his legs. and his expression unreadable. After being friends with him for so long, Gilbert didn't know what to say to him that didn't mean: "Hey, I don't care why or how I'm in this prison thing but is Ma-"
"I know what you're thinking," Alfred said, his voice low. Gilbert's chest fell, and he let his jaw fall shut, wincing a little at the pain. "I don't think you even know why you're here."
"Look at me, Alfred," Gilbert said tiredly. "I wasn't brutally beat up for diplomacy. I know what's happened. But never mind that. How is Matthew?"
"…you don't have a right to ask me about him anymore." Alfred replied, carefully keeping his gaze on the floor. "It's no longer your business."
"…" Gilbert paused, but he wrung his hands in nervousness. "Just tell me that he's fine, Alfred."
"He's not." Alfred said, and Gilbert's eyes shot up to see him advancing towards him, eyes burning with an emotion he couldn't read. "He won't ever fucking be again. And that's all because of you!"
He felt Alfred's hand move, felt the wind whistle as it came towards his face. Against everything he wanted to do, Gilbert flinched, waiting for the blow, the violent throb of agony that was going to sear across his bruises and stain his skin scarlet…
It never came.
Gilbert only heard Alfred's heavy breathing in the quiet room, could feel the smallest of heat stem from the closeness of the palm of his hand. He didn't dare to move until Alfred stepped back, and until he felt the moment had calmed down somewhat he spoke again.
"Alfred. I'm begging you. As a friend. I don't care what happens to me. Has anyone hurt Matthew?" Gilbert said, his voice ragged.
"They're considering enacting punishment. The court. They're having a discussion right now, without us royals." Alfred said flatly.
Punishment. Capital punishment-
"N-No…!" Gilbert forced out, his throat closing up in distress as he surged forward. He couldn't even control himself anymore – he felt Alfred flinch underneath his hands, but he was holding his jacket. Suddenly, he felt too tired to shake him. To even lay a hand on Alfred anymore.
"What are you-" Alfred spluttered indignantly, but Gilbert couldn't stop now.
"Hurt me," Gilbert said quietly. "Hurt me all you want, Prince Alfred. Beat me up again. Seize everything I have. Cane me. Stab me. Hang me. Torture me. Just…just don't hurt Matthew. Let me take anything that you've got for him. He doesn't deserve it."
"Gil," Alfred said, staring down at his pitiful form. "I…I'm sorry."
Gilbert nodded, his jacket sagging from his shoulders as he withdrew, his body trembling. "So you decided to send your brother to the harvest."
"What? Gil, look-" Alfred said, and Gilbert squeezed his eyes shut. His friend had started to sound like his old self, and he was going to break down. He couldn't. For Matthew's sake, he-
"Would you punish Lud?" Alfred questioned, and Gilbert shook his head mutely.
"You know nothing in the world would make me turn against my brother," Gilbert said. "Are you trying to justify hurting the one I love? Because you know nothing will."
"I'm human, Gil," Alfred said. "I wouldn't. You know I wouldn't want this for any of us. Yao and I – we're doing our best. But you know in the eyes of the court and in the eyes of the people, this is serious. We haven't had a case like this for hundreds of years, ever since-"
"The pair from Hearts and Clubs. Funny how it's from Diamonds and Spades this time." Gilbert said, but let his scarlet gaze drift back onto his friend's face. "There aren't any kids, Al. I'll sign an agreement guaranteeing it. Just…make sure Matthew's safe. That's all I need."
The whole palace was eerily silent as it remained on lockdown. The advisors were hosting a discussion about Matthew and Gilbert's fate, but Matthew didn't even know if they'd let Carlos inside. Yes, he was an advisor, but everyone knew he and Carlos were very close. They might exclude him thanks to bias…
"I've contacted both Hearts and Diamonds, Matthew," Yao said, his gaze troubled as he made his way into the room. "But I have done all I can now. It is up to the Fates to see this through."
"Thank you, Yao," Matthew said brokenly, resting his head against the wall of his mentor's study. "You've done more than enough."
"Look," Yao said, walking a little closer to him. "I'm sorry that we couldn't get the advisor away yesterday. If we could have done so, we could have resolved this a lot earlier. I'm thankful you did come clean at the end, about this relationship. I don't want to think about what might have happened if…"
"…oh," Matthew said softly, closing his eyes.
A pregnancy. An improbable child he and Gilbert would never raise for it to see the sunlight, or feel the breeze against their skin. To hold both of their hands in their own, to never be given piggy back rides or have tales told to them. A person borne out of their love, with Gilbert's hair and Matthew's eyes, and Gilbert's smile and Matthew's gentle nature. Nothing that was created from the love that they shared would be allowed to live.
"Granted, I trust your judgment," Yao said. "And I trust in Joker Gilbert to not go too far, but it did cross my mind. Why else would you be confessing this to me? But Alfred told me why, and how he found out. There is nothing I will chastise you for, and it is because the court will do anything in their power to secure this land from any fears, even if it means throwing people underneath a will that they know to be unfair."
"We just love each other," Matthew said, fighting back the tears as Yao sat down next to him. "No strings attached…"
"I know, I know," Yao said, pressing a kiss to his wheat locks as his liege rested his head against his shoulder in grief. "Being punished for someone that you love, just because society says it is unjust. It must hurt, every time, you see Joker Gilbert leave, yes?"
"Every instinct I have tells me not to let him go, but I'm powerless at the very end," Matthew said, his voice coming out like a sob. "And now I will have to watch him shoulder all the burden for something that was mutual…"
"It's not fair," Yao said softly, his eyes clouding over with forbidden memories he still kept clasped in his heart. A memento of a passion he and Ivan never managed to lose. "Why should we be punished for something that is merely human? Society may be secure, but it's cruel, Matthew. I'd hoped you would never have to face this for yourself…"
He paused before Matthew pulled him into a hug and he muffled his cries into his chin like he had when they were all younger. When everything was easier.
But the words Yao had spoken…it was as if he had felt his pain - almost as if he had experienced it himself.
Matthew wracked his brain for any sort of clues – whether he had seen Yao linger too long at the side of anyone in particular that did not have a lover. Something out of the blue – odd, even - something that went past the normal bonds of monarchs. A person that would only see Yao and vice versa, no one else…
"Y-Yao," Matthew hesitantly began, taking a breath and detaching himself from him, "Have you ever had an a-"
"It's me, Alfred," his brother's voice came over the door, and any thought of that conversation evaporated as Matthew rushed to get it. He had just been back from Gilbert's holding cell, and he wanted anything and everything about his beloved's condition…
"I just came up to see him – we only have half an hour, but I'm giving him five minutes to prep." he panted, and Yao nodded, closing the door.
"How is he?" Matthew nearly cried. "Is he all right? What did he say?"
"Nothing but fear for you, Matt," Alfred confessed, running a hand through his sweaty hair. "The moment I came in, he was being tormented by a soldier. The moment she left, he asked about you."
"Did they beat…?" Matthew asked, letting the word hang in the air like a clump of brambles.
"I-I don't know where they got their orders from," Alfred said, his face tense and unyielding. "Not from me. You remember how I said to not use force? Well, someone went and screwed that up. I've tried to get him a bit of care, but he's been through a rough time. I almost…I almost struck him, but to see him in that state, I…I couldn't do it."
"Did he look as bad as you did when you were caned?" Matthew echoed, his voice rippling off the walls of Yao's study like a chorus of pebbles. "I know you let Leon and Emil free because you felt their pain. After the rebellion."
"Caning…?" Yao's voice came over his subconscious, and Matthew felt like a weight had been lifted from his and his brother's shoulders. Yao didn't deserve to be kept in the dark, and the advisors didn't deserve to be spared from his wrath. This had to come out into the open. "There was another can-"
"Alfred. Show him your back." Matthew said. "Show him what the advisors will do to Gilbert, and to the others who will rebel against them."
His brother nodded, and Matthew watched Yao's expression closely as the scene unfolded. First his winter coat, his white shirt and then his undershirt. Then it came off, exposing his torso to the elements.
Even now did Matthew wince. His condition was kept secret even from the nurses and the doctors – Alfred had assured him that night that Arthur had helped him with his wounds, but even after Matthew had gave him some extra aid and considering Arthur had deft hands, they had scarred. On top of the other lashings the advisory court had inflicted upon him, just for daring to speak out against them.
Yao let out an audible gasp, shock etched onto his every feature as his mouth parted and he rushed forward, looking at the wounds as if he could hardly believe that they were real. He started towards them and the moment Alfred flinched Yao pulled back as if he had touched a naked flame.
"…Alfred. Why didn't you tell me…about this?" Yao said, but it was not anger nor disappointment etched into his words. It was a feeling of bitterness, a feeling of grief. An establishment of recognizing that he should have done better.
"I was afraid what they'd do to me again," Alfred whispered, putting his clothes back on. "They haven't been afraid to do it whenever I did something they viewed as insolent."
"When was the last time they even-" Yao breathed, holding his head in his hands.
"The latest rebel attack. The one where we found him and S-Sir Arthur in the safe house near the garden," Matthew said, his voice catching on the name. He heard Alfred make a pained sound in his throat, and decided not to push him any further. "It was a rough night, and had they not arrived Alfred would have been wounded further."
"This must end." Yao said firmly, helping Alfred back to his feet and placing his hands on his shoulders, making Alfred forget that there was even a height difference between them. "Alfred, Matthew. The two of you have been so strong in the face of tyrants. Alfred, when you finish your Deciding you, as king, will usurp all of this…this treachery that has been committed against you and your brother. But for now, you must fight. Make sure that your queen is notified of all these things. You have to talk to them before the verdict for the revelation that was discovered last night is passed down. Fill them in on what you know now. Do you understand?"
He can't choose, Matthew wanted to tell Yao. I've ruined them. Put this burden on my shoulders than his. He…I have no excuse. I've destroyed his relationship with what is his soulmate. Let me do it instead.
He didn't catch what Alfred had said in response, but before he knew it he and Alfred were saying a shaky goodbye to Yao and running down to the hallway where he knew his heart was.
Going back to the one that he'll love, above all.
Come what may.
Yao waited for the two of them to go and see Joker Gilbert, and then rested his head in his arms and let himself cry.
He was seeing history repeat itself – first with him and Ivan, then now Matthew and Gilbert were facing their biased judgment. Something not even he could fix as the power of so many can overwhelm one.
And Ivan, Alfred's most prominent adversary…what would his little boy say? Keeping so many secrets from him – that would ruin their bond forever.
Letting the advisors hurt Alfred and Matthew – the ones he promised to his parents that he would protect – with a horrific set of canings and a punishment so disastrous that Yao didn't want to imagine it…
He had failed. As a Jack, as a leader, as a royal, as a lover, as a father.
"Forgive me, Alfred, Matthew, Spades, Cards…Ivan…" Yao choked out, his blurry eyes catching on the sunflower perched on his desk. The last name, so tortured and yet so precious. "Forgive me."
Alfred's heart hurt the moment they opened the door and Matthew ran in and threw himself at Gilbert.
Matthew started crying almost instantly, taking in the severity of his wounds – Gilbert offered a crooked smile, letting his fingers lose themselves in Matthew's hair, but Matthew was having none of it as he held Gilbert as if he were made of porcelain, carefully touching his bruises on his face.
"I'm…sorry, Birdie, I couldn't quite clean up," Gilbert said feebly. "I'll take you someplace nice with good desserts next time."
"You're fooling yourself with that," Matthew sobbed, his lips ghosting over every bruise, every cut that marred the Joker's skin. "I don't have any use for sweet desserts, nor for any fancy suits. All I want is you."
"I'm so sorry, Matthew," Gilbert got out. He tried to rise but his legs wouldn't support him, but Matthew's hands were supporting him the moment he left his bed. "Th-they're not making you look bad out there, right? They can't be. I'm the problem here-"
"What fool told you that?" Matthew said, holding Gilbert's face to his own, their noses brushing even though Matthew was a slight taller. The height difference wasn't usually prominent, but Alfred could see it clearly now – Gilbert's hunched stance, the way Matthew supported him so naturally. "Love isn't a problem. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I love you. You didn't force me. We fell in love together."
Gilbert chuckled, a grating, dried out sound that sounded like a record on a gramophone. "You know I love you, Matthew. I'd try to take the heat off you any way I can. These scars…when I look at them, liebling, I am happy they're on my skin and not yours. You're too pretty to be covered in scars."
Alfred's heart broke at the words they were exchanging. The phrases.
I love you.
Why did it come so simply for them? Alfred could see it in every movement they had, the way Gilbert's body curved towards his even in agony, and the way Matthew sought to protect him in his every movement. The words had come as easily as a fish swimming in water.
So why couldn't it have come so easily from Arthur's lips? From his own? Alfred pursued his lips together as he took a chair from the corner as the two lovers embraced. In many ways, he was jealous. How stable their relationship was, how they already knew each other inside out…
Alfred, the voice from his memories inside his head spoke, and Alfred nearly cracked at the sound of Arthur's soft voice again. *If you were flawless, well…let's just say that there would be less to love. I'll love your flaws, because they're a part of you.
Would you love me now? he thought to himself, twisting his finger in his hand. I've hurt you so much within the past few hours. Would you look away from this and have me as I am?
He closed his eyes for a heartbeat, imagining Arthur's anguished face, his thick eyebrows furrowed with emotion as Alfred opened the door – the barrier separating the two of them.
I'm sorry. Will you let me change? I'll get better with time, I swear. Let me learn. Let me grow…alongside you. For the rest of our lives.
"Alfred? Alfred, we have to go," the panicked sound of his brother was what jolted him from his wishful thinking. "There's someone coming down the corridor…"
"…OK," Alfred said, gathering up his things and waiting at the door – watching Matthew give Gilbert one last kiss.
"I love you, Matthew," he heard Gilbert say. "Stay safe. The Iron Cross will protect you when I'm not there."
"Please, don't do anything reckless," Matthew replied, his voice utterly heartbroken. "You know my heart always – mmph – belongs to you. I love you…"
Alfred couldn't bear to see the expressions, the longing, anguished gazes his brother and his friend made as the two of them walked away into an uncertain path that would ultimately change them forever.
"Yes, that's fine, Kiku," Lovino said almost teasingly, giving Kiku an approving nod. "Just because you're relatively new doesn't mean we don't trust in your instincts. You're his friend, and from what damn Ludwig's told me, your friend might be Queen of Spades pretty soon. Sharing intel's part of an alliance. Go on."
"Ah, sometimes I do not feel like I deserve the amount of trust you put in me, Ace Lovino," Kiku stammered, but his face was pleased as he put down the flip on Arthur's letter telling him what had come out of his plan for the peace talks with the rebels. "Just because we are friendly…"
"…does not guarantee that I am good," Lovino said, doing a re-enactment of Kiku's voice that made him laugh. "Kiku. First of all, drop the honourifics, please. In Hearts, we're a family. Second of all, you're managing the court very well, even when they're pestering you about the process that made us all stronger. If you can do that – you've won my respect. Trust me. Feli cried for his first three meetings in a row."
"But Feli seems so natural in the role…" Kiku began, but trailed off the moment Ludwig came into the room and stood, Lovino following suit.
"Is there any news on Feliciano's condition?" Lovino blurted, holding his ground but clearly distressed about his younger brother. "The doctors have been saying that he might go into labour but I don't know, it's all your fault-"
"No, Lovino," Ludwig said, but his tone carried a degree of haste in it as he left the door open. "Please, the two of you need to see this message from Jack Yao. I've told Felci about it but he can't be worrying about it in his condition."
"Jack Yao?" Kiku echoed, placing Arthur's letter in his wide pockets. "What's-"
"Something. Something's terrible happened in Spades," Ludwig panted. "My brother and Ace Matthew are to be convicted and given a grave sentence. Please, they're asking for our help…"
*this appears in chapter 40. you're welcome.
replies
CFAA - i officially apologise for toying with your emotions but they will be toyed with even further / runs
hearthorse11 - because i write fanfiction ;D
gast - well at that point, matthew had already started to confess to yao and since they have punished him before, i would say it's sort of a 'deer in the headlights' reaction where he feels completely helpless because a. he fears the fallout from trying his best to forcefully push them out, and b. they simply wouldn't want to leave and if they were (somehow) forced from the room they'd spread incriminating rumours that yes, the primary suit are turning against us, etc.
russia says hello - to be fair this fic is probably the length of jupiter's circumference...arthur's not feeling happy anymore though.
overworldly - fun fact: it DID happen in the original but i thought it was kind of crass so yeah, no.
pastaddict - i live to serve!
vivadragnire - here's some more prucan to top the week off, just my treat! you can have some extra angst/suspense in this chapter if you'd like.
infinite hope - i'm really happy it still made an impact even though everyone knew it was coming lmao. and everything getting solved - working on it...
AnimeLover - in layman's terms, i've done my job...and thank you. i consider that a compliment LOL
n kukuri chan - service as in...church service? oh god no that's the worst place haha. and for the first point - i don't think they did, no. arthur had all his clothes on and alfred didn't - so i'd say he's more of a tosser/turner in bed HAHA. and i think alfred's in a very difficult position - i mean, with this revelation comes wi/ the fact that the person he loves has essentially kept secrets from him, so i don't think he'd be OK with it at the space of the moment. and for your third point - i would feel that alfred's a much more...impulsive person and would get hurt very easily, not thinking things through until much later. i'm not sure if many caught it, but by the time alfred didn't have much choice as matthew had already gone to yao - and he knew all of them would be condemned if something got out. for someone so inexperienced, i don't think he handled it too well. i hope this chapter clears up some things about the last one ;v;
reviews, favourites and follows are what will keep me writing, so please go ahead and leave them!