Disclaimer: Don't own PJO or the Whiskered Warrior.
Fearless: Endless Knights
War.
A term that elicited more feelings than any other word in any language. It was not a game, though some strategists would argue otherwise. It was not an activity that was to be enjoyed, despite the proclamations of those who sought such a rush.
War was an inevitability, a promise, an extreme debate between opposing ideologies. It was Chaos given form, a clash of Life and Death. There were no true victors in war, only survivors, unless those conducting it were immortals. It was a fact known by all forms of life, from the smallest ant to the mighty Gods of Olympus.
Oh yes, the Gods knew war well. It could be said that conflict was crucial to their survival, for it was keyed into their origin. They thought themselves done with it for eons, then the World Wars started; essentially they were a pissing match blown way out of proportion. Once the second great conflict had finished, the instigators of the wars, the "Big Three" — Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades — swore an oath on their most ancient of laws. An oath that was to put an end to their involvement in mortal conflicts. This oath was held for over fifty years.
Then, as most of Olympus expected, Zeus broke it.
Yes, the gods knew it would come, though many—a certain Queen especially—hoped it would last at least a century. Alas, for all of his might, wisdom and benevolence, the King was not without his flaws. His legendary libido was arguably the biggest of them. It was due to this flaw, that one Thalia Grace was brought into the world. With this birth, an inevitable war that was not even considered a feasible thought in the minds of the Twelve Olympians, was given a timer that Ares watched like a bored schoolboy would a ticking clock.
Yes, of the Twelve minds that ruled the Western World, it was the raging behemoth that was Ares who saw the first signs.
The God of War debated with his desires and struggled with his loyalties. Conflict brought forth the best of Mankind, even his smug headache of a sister conceded to this, and given his domain was over War, Ares had much to gain from its effect. His power thrived on deaths of millions, on the spilled blood that seeped into the soil of the battlefield. Sparta would forever be his favorite divine region, but the United States of America showed such promise.
He had, for a moment just scant a few years ago, considered warning his father. Zeus would heed his words. Athena would also back him, if he presented the evidence without getting into a shouting match with her. In fact, it would be more rewarding to divulge this at a meeting. If he warned all of Olympus, and showed them he wasn't just a 'bloodthirsty savage yearning for days of glory', he would be able to hold that over her head. Ooh, the temptation.
But, then there was the possibility of ascendancy to consider. The God of War felt smothered by his father's rules of law and order, of fairness and justice. The very thought of the words made him gag. If he didn't bring this to the King's attention, he was next in line. His half-siblings knew the pecking order, and his uncles had no desire for expansion. The only true threat to his claim was The Cripple, and though he doubted the bastard would willingly take the throne, Ares had no ready counter for his devious machinations that would be unleashed to stop his ascension.
Alas, the chance was robbed from him by that boy. The Lightning Thief. Oh how Ares would love to throttle his neck personally. Olympus was set on high alert and Ares' yet undecided schemes were thwarted.
Then there was the humiliation he suffered at the hands of Poseidon's bastard. Not only was Ares' failure to resist The Crooked One's magic exposed, as was his role of a patsy for his hated ancestor, but he was made a fool in combat against a Demigod with essentially no training. It was degrading, shameful. Luck, that's all it was. Luck!
Then he exposed everything to Zeus and the King swept it under the rug! It was a forbidden topic! Infuriating! Conferences of War were banned in the Council Hall!
Ares seethed and raged over this for a year. He was placated and calmed by his daughter's quest. Of course that was slightly undermined by Poseidon and his bastard, yet again, but it was so enlightening. As was the topic that came before, and here Ares' scheming mind reared its ugly head again.
Artemis' son. A whelp he'd long ago written off as a casualty brought before the Council. His crimes?
Interacting with other Pantheons.
A mortal boy raised by the Greek Goddess of the Hunt.
A mortal boy bound to the Egyptian God of Time.
A mortal boy trained by the Aesir God of Summer.
A mortal boy whose blood and soul sang of conflict.
A mortal boy whose body reeked of death.
Ares hadn't paid him much mind when he was first brought up, nearly seventeen years ago. He'd figure the brat would be dead and fed to wolves in a day, two tops. He was mistaken, so very wrong, and never before had he been so happy when that revelation came to him.
The boy was mortal, which meant he was free game!
Artemis' claim over him was by word alone, and she was busy hunting at Zeus' behest, she would not be able to stop him. For all of his boasts, and thanks to prior knowledge of how the mortal's interactions with others came to be, Apollo could easily be distracted or bribed to look away. The Huntress' cheerleaders held no love for men, not like his Amazons did, and he doubted they'd be willing to intervene in the boy's defense.
How to get him though? He could not appear in the camp and challenge him—he didn't want to risk Pussy Jackson distracting him from his goal just for being alive. Dionysus, also, was at risk of ruining his fight by alerting their father to Ares' machinations. He didn't put it past the god to do something, he was an unbearable asshole when he was sober.
His thoughts were disrupted when thunder rumbled through Olympus. Ares frowned, annoyed that a meeting was called while he was in the midst of planning his next Great War, but nonetheless answered the call.
He all but left the meeting grinning, nary twenty minutes later.
"Whoa! Who is that guy?" Someone nearby exclaimed. The rest of the campers started a hushed conversation, many wondering about the New Hunter.
"He's so dreamy!"
"I'd run my spear through him any day of the week."
"Why's he with them?"
Thalia did her best to ignore the whispers, focusing on the game that was to come, and tore her eyes away from the tall teenager she'd once fought beside. Instead, she turned her eyes back to where they'd been before Whiskers was singled out.
Deep, stormy blues glared into Zoë Nightshade's brown across the pavilion outside of the woods. The Lieutenant sneered back at her, briefly, before turning to the lone silver clad male that joined her. They spoke softly, in what she could faintly pick up as Ancient Greek—one of the few perks of being Zeus' kid, she could manipulate airwaves to enhance her other senses. It gave her a nasty migraine, but it was always worth it—but spoke so fast she could hardly keep up with what they were saying. When they finished, Whiskers stepped back and crossed his arms, shaking his head and Nightshade turned to her with a look of smug superiority.
Thalia grit her teeth and tightened her hands around her arms.
"Can't wait to wipe that smile off of your face, you smug bi—"
"Thalia, watch your mouth!" Ah, Grover. Ever the good guy. He really had to do something about the faint smell of cheese, wet cans and goat that lingered around him. Grover nodded to his side. "There is a kid present."
Thalia gave Grover a sidelong glower, then looked past him at the half-pint in armor that was more than just one size too large. The new blood, Nico di Angelo, didn't seem too interested in what she was saying. He stared across the way at the Hunters.
"How come he gets to be on their side?" He asked. Grover blinked.
"Who…?" He looked, blinked and then scowled. "Oh, that lucky sonova—oomphf!"
"Grover, watch your mouth. There's a kid present." Thalia felt quite satisfied with her elbow shot. While her Satyr friend rubbed his armored side and grumbled a very un-Grover-like spew of words, she looked at Nico. "His mom is Artemis, remember?"
"Oh…Yeah, that makes sense, I guess…" Nico pursed his lips and searched through the silver cloaks. His dark eyes lit up and made to run to the other side of the pavilion, raising his hand. "Hey, Bian—!"
"Don't." Thalia grabbed his shoulder and jerked him back. She spoke over his anticipated whines—since Annie had tried to do the same thing a few times—and kept a firm lock on his eyes. "Right now, it's not safe for you to go talk to your sister. Those girls, they don't like guys. Period."
"Yeah, but what abou—?"
"He's Artemis' son. I doubt they like him at all." She can only imagine the kind of things Whiskers put up with growing up with those girls.
"That doesn't make any sense."
"It doesn't have to." Thalia huffed and rubbed her head. This was why she'd pawned him off to Grover to look after. He was too fresh. He didn't get it. She didn't have time for this. "Look, we're about to start the game. If you wanna talk to your sister in the woods, go ahead. But you will not—and follow me on this, kid—you will not talk to her right now. Understand?"
"But, I—?"
"I said, do you understand?!" Thalia glared down at the younger demigod as lightning danced in her eyes. He could go be stupid in the woods. She was not going to risk getting the game called off because he wanted to be stupid right now.
As expected, Nico flinched back from her.
"Y-Yeah."
"Then get back in line. Go find Percy and bother him."
"You're not the boss of me!"
"I said go!" Thalia pointed into the sea of Campers. With one last scowl sent her way, Nico got. She watched him flee into the crowd, many of whom were now staring at her, with Grover hot on his heels. She stewed in her anger for a minute, before footsteps caught her ear.
"That was a little harsh, don't you think?"
Thalia turned and glowered at the silver-clad teen that stopped beside her. Along with the cloak he wore, he had a white scarf wound around his neck and a silver laurel crown on his head. She was a little surprised he was still such a big Moon Knight geek, judging by the shirt he wore. Then again, he was mortal. Maybe it was a coping mechanism?
"Your mom recruited his sister. She didn't even say goodbye." She crossed her arms and huffed. "Some thanks we got for saving her life."
Whiskers blinked.
"I can't help but feel like I'm missing a whole lot of backstory here."
"You'd know if you'd stuck around." Thalia glared at him. He was spirited away by Apollo and Mr. D before she could corner him. The fact that she may have been death clutching the Sun's steering wheel when said spiriting was done is unrelated and unimportant.
"That's—" He sighed and rubbed his face before pulling back his hood to meet her eyes clearly. "Look, Thalia, I can't talk about that right now. Zoë wants to wager, and since I'm the only one that won't get pelted with...whatever the Hunters get pelted with from Campers, I get to be the proxy."
"Oh, that's convenient."
"So, no bet then? Just a fun game?"
Thalia almost said yes, but then her damn curiosity got the best of her.
"What's the wager?"
"If you somehow win, The Hunters will do half of the Camp's chores for the duration of our stay. On rotation."
Thalia furrowed her brows. That sounded way too good to be true. Half the Camp's chores, meaning any and every responsibility was on the table. On rotation meant that they'd do possibly every chore at least once.
"And if we lose?" Thalia asked. Whiskers shot her a grin.
"You have to cover our chores."
"How is that any different from when the Hunt isn't here?"
"No, Thalia." Whiskers pointed at her, grin still in place. "You, alone, cover our chores."
Oh. Well, how bad could it be? Judging by the way Whiskers' grin hadn't dimmed in the slightest, it was probably bad.
"She wouldn't want me to tell you this, but I like to think we're still friends..?" Thalia snorted at his question. Obviously, she still considered him her friend. He let out his own chuckle before he crossed his arms. "Right, right. Anyway, just so you know, that also means you get to do The Hunt's internal chores. Feeding the hounds, re-stringing bows, recovering arrows—"
"That sounds like something they'd save for new blood. Wait a second, hold up! Is…is she recruiting me?!" Thalia scowled as the sky started to rumble and her eyes flicked back over at the Lieutenant while murderous thoughts danced in her head. The audacity of that girl!
"She can't recruit you per say, only Mom can do that," Whiskers rubbed his neck and looked up at the sky. "Although, now that I think about it, it would kind of be like a trial run. Haven't seen one of those since Denise joined…"
"Let me see if I get this straight," Thalia scowled and put her hands on her hips. "Either you all pick up your slack around The Camp or I work overtime? How is that fair?"
"…True." He looked back at her before he cupped his chin. "I mean, it's not like you're gonna win."
The air went still.
"Excuse me?!" Thalia said, eyes narrowing while her hands balled into fists. Lightning flashed across her eyes. "You wanna say that again, Whiskers?"
"Face it, Thalia. It's a stacked bet," Whiskers said while crossing his arms. "You're going up against fifty immortal survivor experts with a handful of kids from summer camp. Anyone would tell you that the odds aren't in your guys' favor."
"Last time I checked, you weren't even a demigod! So what does that say about you?!"
As soon as the words slipped out of her mouth, Thalia wanted to take them back. His jaw clenched and for just a second his eyes flashed with hurt, but Whiskers didn't let anything else show. His features stoned, like they did whenever he caught sight of monsters in the night, and he leaned forward.
"Why so scared, Thalia Grace? Afraid of a little more labor?"
Pride wouldn't let her back down from the insinuated insult. He wanted to play it that way, fine! She narrowed her eyes, leaned in, and jabbed him in the chest with her finger.
"When I find you in there, Whiskers, I'm going to kick. Your. Ass!"
"Is that a yes, then?"
"Damn right it's a yes!" Thalia smirked and crossed her arms. "I'm going to enjoy watching you do my chores this summer."
"Uh-huh." Whiskers pulled back and started looking at his nails, disinterested at her claim. "Well, a word of advice? Rufus likes to bite when you feed him."
Cheeky bastard! He's lucky he's cute!
…Wait, what? Thalia blinked as a horn sounded. Whiskers was already halfway back on his way to the rest of The Hunt. He raised a hand over his shoulder in a dismissive wave.
"Good luck, Thalia. Don't forget to use your ugly-ass shield."
Oh, she was so going to kick his ass!
"Defend the flag, she said. It'll be fun, she said." Naruto muttered to himself as he sharpened a silver crescent shuriken. He squinted in an attempt to find a dull edge to sharpen in the faint moonlight. Then, after a long pause he sighed and hung his head. "Zoë, you suck."
"No, I think that defeats the point of her vows." A familiar sly voice cooed as the silver clad form of Khonsu swirled into existence. He dusted himself off and cracked a friendly grin at the mortal. "Hello, Naruto. How've you been?"
"Khonsu…How are you here?" Naruto asked, tightening his grip on the shuriken. For all he knew this was a demigod spell, or a monster's trick.
"So cold. Is that the sort of greeting I should expect when you call upon my favors?"
Naruto took a deep breath and slipped his shuriken back into his pocket. Only a god could be so condescending, amused and still threatening at the same time. Swallowing his pride, the blond teen crossed his arms.
"Apologies, great Khonsu. I am fine, thank you for inquiring." He narrowed his eyes. "Now answer my question: how are you here?"
"Funny thing about these woods. All sorts come and go through here as they please." Khonsu chuckled and played with one of his rings. "Why, I believe even that oafish brute Wodenson trudged through here once. Ran off with a daughter of Aphrodite and left her stranded on a tree of some sort."
"You're not answering my question." Naruto noted with a frown. Khonsu looked up from his ring with a smile on his face.
"Now, come boy. When have I ever played coy like that with you?"
"This is not the time for jokes, Khonsu." He hissed. "We're in Greek territory!"
"Ah, but that's where you're wrong, Naruto." Khonsu stepped forward and passed through his body, the god's form being disrupted like a projector's light being blocked by the mortal's body and sending more than a chill down his spine. "I am not here. I am projecting my visage and voice with the aid of the moon's light. It's neutral ground for all deities that claim that celestial body. I merely have twist my hand and—"
"With magic, of course it's magic. I hate magic," Naruto groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I hate magic so much."
"Oh, grow up already brat. My magic cannot be disrupted thanks to our arrangement and the physical embodiment of it." Khonsu smiled pointedly as Naruto's hand went to his pocket. "Yes, oh how your 'mother' despises it so. Dare I say she despises it more than the curse Yggdrasil placed in your arm."
"Oh, I'm cursed now?" Naruto glanced at his arm and then back at the god. "News to me."
"Well, maybe you are, and maybe you're not. The Aseir's magic is fickle like that." Khonsu mused, tapping his chin before he shrugged. "Oh well, that's neither here nor there. I'm not here to warn you about your parasitic new pet."
Naruto snorted at the title bestowed upon The Kyubi, and then hissed as his arm burned. Gods above and below, that hurt! He tightened his grip on his cloak as a red glow started to peak out from beneath it and felt sweat build upon his brow. An echo of a roar reverberated in the back of his head.
Okay, okay! Message received! Naruto thought. Slowly, the burning sensation dwindled away. He looked up at the curious god, not realizing he'd dropped to his knees.
"Everything all right?"
"Yeah. Please don't call it that."
"Good." Khonsu beamed, completely ignoring the request Naruto made. "Just thought I'd drop in and tell you I'll be cashing in on my last request."
"When?"
"Now." The god chirped. He investigated his nails and ignored Naruto's steely glare. "You see, there's been quite a disruption in my domain."
"I am not time travelling again."
Khonsu smirked at him, silver eyes gleaming with power.
"It's so funny how you think you get a say in the matter."
"I hate you, Khonsu. I hate you so much."
Naruto stumbled through the snow towards a small cluster of lights. Judging by the geography of the area, he was in the southwest of the United States. How he got there after being whisked away from Camp for what felt like both eons and seconds, he had no idea. His enchanted shirt had been ripped in the side, revealing a large scar on his left hip that he had no recollection of receiving. His pants were just slightly oversized and what remained of his scarf was being used to hold them up. His torn and tattered cloak gave him the bare minimum protection from the cold.
Mom's gonna kill me, then revive me, and then probably turn me into a jackalope. He lamented with a groan. He would worry about that later. He had to get out of the cold and—
Move! Something urged in the back of his head. Naruto flung himself back and away from the massive blazing sword that slammed into the ground where he once stood. He followed the blade up to the hilt, then from that to the beefy arm of the wielder, who was a gruff looking chauffeur that had wraparound shades on and was giving him a wide grin.
"Well, well, lookie what I found. A brat with decent reflexes."
"L-Lord Ares?" Naruto blinked. The God of War lifted his sword back to his shoulder. His chauffeur outfit burnt away to a biker's getup.
"Spare me the bootlicking, Runt." Ares sneered as he tapped the sword on his shoulder. "Before you start asking the 'why' and 'what', I should probably ask: Do you know where your mom is?"
"Um, hunting? Not really my job to keep tabs on her." His eyes narrowed and a sickening feeling pooled in his gut. "Why?"
"Ohh, yeah. This is perfect!" Ares chuckled and willed his sword away. He crossed his meaty arms and grinned down at him. "Boy, do I have sour news for you!"
"Uh, really? I can't wait to hear it." Naruto lied. He was in no mood to entertain the God of War's thirst for blood. Or any god's desire really. In fact, he should just show them how bad of a mood he was in. He slipped one hand into his back pocket. His brow furrowed when his spare shuriken was absent from its usual place on his person. Ares' nasty grin didn't change in the slightest as said silver crescent suddenly appeared beside his head.
"Guess 'Dite was right. The Cuntress didn't bother teaching you any actual manners," he chuckled. Naruto scowled and crossed his arms.
"Lord Ares, please stop agitating me."
"I told you to drop the formalities, runt."
"Well, make up your mind. Do you want me to show you manners or not? I'm not a demigod, you can't keep messing with me like this." Naruto believed (hoped) that Zeus' laws would be enacted if Ares pressed further.
"Exactly." Ares grinned and snatched the shuriken from the air before examining it. He sliced his thumb on the edge and chuckled again. "You're a mortal, brat. Full blooded human, raised by The Cuntress herself! Stuck in a deal with one of those sand-crawling punks. But best of all, you were trained by one of the Aesir! Oh, man I haven't fought any of them in ages!"
The feeling of dread grew, but Naruto schooled his features. He just had to keep his cool. Digging his nails into the palm of his hands would only stave off the bloodlust for so long. The God of War's grin grew as he spun the shuriken on the tip of his finger.
"See, a little after you performed another vanishing act from the Camp—Yeah, we all noticed that," he cackled while Naruto grit his teeth. "Anyway, one of your shitsters got a quest to rescue—wait for it—your mom."
"…I'm sorry, what?" It was as if the floor had been pulled out from beneath him. His arm moved instinctively to catch the shuriken that flew at his head.
"Nice reflexes," Ares stroked his chin.
"Ares, I request you elaborate."
"Yer 'mom' went and got godnapped, punk." Ares smirked. He started cleaning his fingers with a Bowie knife. "There's a quest to save her, so don't worry—Hey! Where do you think you're going?"
Naruto, who'd turned to leave, found his arms bound to his chest by a chain and turned around to face the God of War.
"Well? A god asked you something, mortal."
"I'm going to find my mother."
The God of War's scowl remained and for a moment Naruto wondered if that would be as far as he got on this self-imposed quest. Then, Ares barked out a laugh. The mortal held his tongue, and privately considered how bizarre an immortal had to act before they were deemed 'mad' by others like them.
"I knew you'd say that. You heroes are all so predictable." He chuckled. He waved his hand and the chain vanished. Naruto stared up at the god as he crossed his arms again. "But you might want to keep heading towards the town. The questers are heading that way right now, they'll be held up for a minute."
"By you?"
"Indirectly." Ares admitted with a shrug. "Someone asked me a favor, and I said I'd help."
"What does this have to do with my mother's location and why am I not heading towards it?"
"You don't mince words. I like that." Ares snapped his fingers and the shuriken was engulfed in fire. Naruto had to readjust himself as the weapon suddenly quadrupled in weight. The fire was snuffed out almost as fast as it had started, and a crude silver hatchet with a crescent shaped edge now rested in his hand. "There, I even kept The Cuntress' stupid moon motif."
"Gee, thanks." Naruto deadpanned, looking at the war axe in suspicion. He was almost certain that this was more likely one of Hephaestus' discarded projects. The smith god wasn't one to leave his crafts around for others to make use of, and he especially liked messing with his wife's lover.
"It ain't cursed, brat." Ares sneered. "Take the gift or I'll take your ungrateful head."
"Thank you, Ares." Naruto mumbled, tightening his grip on the hatchet's handle.
"Anytime. Now keep goin' to the town." Ares nodded behind him. Naruto stared at him, making no motion to move, and the god scowled. "What?"
Blue eyes narrowed.
"You're up to something."
"Duh." Ares grinned. He pointed a meaty finger at the blond. "You're the first of a new breed, Runt. The talking headache that is Athena is already making plans for you. This is me helping you avoid them. You're welcome."
"I don't believe you." Naruto deadpanned.
"Fine. Whatever, believe what you want." The god shrugged again. "You want some advice?"
"Not really."
"Ha! Smartass." Ares smirked. "Try not to bleed out again. It's a shit way to die."
"What?"
"See ya in a bit, Runt." The god of war left with the sound and force of an explosion; Naruto had to shield his face with his arms from the god's method of teleporting.
Scrunching his nose at the smell of napalm that lingered, Naruto slipped his new axe into his makeshift belt, sighed, and then looked at his arms. Small cuts and stones were embedded in his arms, blood covered his nails and pooled in his palms. With another resigned sigh, he tore more strips from his already ruined cloak and began to dress the wounds. Once that was done, he resumed his limping gait toward the town, a determined scowl on his face.
Thalia had thought the northeast was cold in winter, and hadn't thought to prepare for cold weather as they moved west. She had no idea just how cold the desert could be. Granted, she also hadn't considered she'd ever get to ride a giant pig across half of a state. She definitely didn't expect to be dumped in some town in the middle of Nowhere, Arizona, either.
"Great," she huffed, looking at the other quest members with an arched brow. She stared at Nightshade. "So, now what do we do?"
"We best find a map, obviously. Then continue heading west."
"Oh, gee, how could I not have considered that?" Thalia snarled as she felt some static dance along her skin and tried with little success to rein in her temper. She pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to calm down. Nightshade was thousands of years old, she was used to doing quests a certain way, and normally Thalia wouldn't be against it.
Really, she got that there was a method to the 'formula', and that's why it was still in play, but her own sire had shot a lightning bolt down at them. Mercenaries for hire, mortals and not, were on their heels. They were forced to fight the freaking Nemean Lion in D.C., and just rode the Erymanthian Boar that was apparently sent to them by Pan! Something was wrong with this quest. They had to take a breather and figure it out. The fact that they were on a timer really didn't help with the stress of it all!
A hand reached out and gently grabbed her shoulder. She nearly throttled her assailant, only just restraining herself. Instead, she leveled the offender with a sparking glare.
"You good, Pinecone Face?"
"I will stop your heart and start it again, Percy." Thalia scowled at her tagalong cousin. She shook his hand off and nodded at the melancholy satyr that was staring in the direction of the pig's departure. "Go check on Grover."
"I was just trying to be nice, sheesh." Percy huffed, but went to check on their goat friend.
Thalia scowled. Great. Now he was going to be moody again. She really should apologize…Nah, he'll get over it. He's the reason she lost that bet anyway. And then got drenched.
"Um, guys? I'm all for catching our breath after that ride, but are those ...eyes?" Bianca asked. Thalia followed her extended finger and blanched at the twin lights that were emerging from the darkness down the road.
"Prepare yourselves!" Nightshade ordered, drawing her bow. Though she did as the Hunter said, Thalia felt her eye twitch. Being talked down to and ordered about was so not okay. And she had a whole summer of that to look forward to? Great.
"Wait, what kind of monster has glowing eyes and a rumbling engine?" Grover asked. Thalia frowned and squinted into the darkness. Her head started to pound as she focused on the air around her, honing her senses. There was a faint glimmer of metal and a soft squeal of…rubber?
Monsters aren't made of rubber…rumbling engine and glowing lights. Like head-Oh.
"Car! It's a car!" She yelped before they all scrambled out of the road. The sharp squeal of the tires' brakes had Grover covering his ears as a long pink limo pulled to a stop beside them. The driver's door opened and a massive figure stepped out.
"Well, well, well. If it ain't Prissy Jackson and Thalia Grace. Just the two brats I wanted to see." Ares, God of War, rested an arm on his door. His wraparound shades gleamed in the night.
Great. Thalia scowled, put her mace canister away and crossed her arms. As if she wasn't in enough of a bad mood. Now she had to deal with one of her half-brothers.
"Ares." Percy sounded just as thrilled to see him. Annie had said something about him making an immortal enemy out of the God of War. Thalia gave her cousin props for the win, but had to agree with the daughter of wisdom: Ares was not someone you wanted to be on the bad side of.
"Yeah, hi Prissy. I already acknowledged you're a waste of breath, don't make me waste mine." The god of war shut his door with a slam and walked back to the end of the limo. His hand rested on the door handle and held it open. "Both of you, get in the car."
"Lord Ares," Nightshade stepped forward. "Thou are interfering with the quest to re—"
"Oh, spare me, Cuntress Jr." Ares groaned. Thalia clapped a hand over her mouth in order to smother the shocked laugh that almost came out. She'd never seen someone's eyes bulge out of their sockets from anger, but Nightshade's were damn near close to it.
"Thy—!"
"You wanna go? Right now?" Ares' left eyebrow arched and a cruel smirk spread across his face. A flaming bat appeared in his right hand and rested on his shoulder. "Been a while since I whipped a Hunter's ass."
"Thee will—!" Nightshade looked ready to explode, she was glowing so red. Thalia wasn't going to lie, she was impressed with the god's ability to irritate others. That had to be his infamous bloodlusting aura.
"Please! If I beat you, I'm sure Zoë could beat you with her eyes closed!"
Oh, you are so dumb, Kelp Head! Thalia's hand moved to cover her face. Seriously, why would he say something so utterly thoughtless? Was it a boy thing? Luke used to say dumb things like that all the time and even Whiskers had his own stupid moments. Like wandering off to take a leak during Capture the Flag. Oh well, his mistake allowed her an easy snatch of the flag. And I would've won that bet if Percy's stupidity hadn't reared its head again!
"…I'm-a let that pass because I'm in a good mood." Ares' murderous glower lifted with a small sniff. His power flared. Grover started bleating and Thalia felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. Ares' next words were uttered softly, but full of malice. "Next time anyone says anything, I'm turning the whole lot of you into roadkill. Speak out of turn again, any of you. Please. Olympus will be fine without Artemis."
This guy's an absolute bastard. Thalia sneered back at him. This wannabe thug was not scaring her. She could take him.
"Ares, be nice." An angelic voice tittered from the interior of the limo. Thalia's brow furrowed and she wondered who would debase themselves enough to ride in a full out pink—oh. Oh no.
"Sorry. It's Poseidon's brat. His existence bothers me." Ares grumbled. He pointed his bat at them. "I won't ask again. Get in."
"How is that asking?" Thalia muttered under her breath. Her godly sibling must've heard her, because he smirked.
"Or else."
Grumbling, Thalia followed Percy into the limo. As soon as she planted a seat in the vehicle, the door slammed shut. The locks clicked.
"Whoa…" Percy's eyes went wide. Thalia followed his gaze and her heart sped up.
This is so wrong. She thought, fighting back the heat that rose to her cheeks as she stared at the goddess across from her. The occupant of the seat had a body that looked like it had been sculpted from marble, with a chest that was ridiculously modest, short, sun kissed blond hair sprouted from her head like a messy bush and deep blue eyes stared at her like a reflective mirror.
What really unsettled Thalia about this attractive, boyish woman were the faint whisker-like markings that were on either cheek.
"Percy Jackson. Thalia Grace." Gods above, her voice sounded heavenly. She leaned forward, her black pants-suit hardly wrinkling with her movement, and rested her chin on the palm of her upturned hand. "I have been waiting so long to meet you both."
Annnnd the butterflies were gone. The way she spoke snapped Thalia out of whatever dumbstruck trance she was in.
"Right. Aphrodite." She mumbled, rubbing her eyes. That image would forever be ingrained in her head. "Could you, um, not?"
"Aphrodite? Thalia, it's Ath—wait, no. Her hair was a darker shade. But you're both blonde? What?" Percy scrunched his eyebrows together.
"Good save, Percy. I was almost insulted." Aphrodite's giggles sounded like bells. It wasn't cute. Really.
"She's the goddess of beauty and love, Kelp Head." Thalia grumbled. She pointedly avoided looking at Aphrodite by keeping her eyes shut.
"Okay? That doesn't explain why she has gray eyes though."
"Gray?" Thalia nearly opened her eyes to look at Aphrodite's again. She resisted the urge and squeezed her eyelids shut, just to make a point. "They're blue, Percy."
"Uh, pretty sure they're gray. I'd know if they were blue."
"They're blue."
"You two are adorable." Aphrodite tittered again.
Thalia scowled as one of her triggers was pressed. She was not adorable! She was a badass punk! That was the antithesis of adorable! The antonym of adorable! If anything was adorable, her whiskers were adorable!
"Whiskers?" Percy asked, while the Goddess gasped in delight. "What whiskers?"
Urk! Thalia almost swallowed her tongue and felt her cheeks blaze. She didn't realize she'd said that out loud!
"Oh, Thalia! Darling, darling Thalia!" A weight settled on the cushion beside her and something hugged around her shoulders, keeping her in place. "We have to speak! And here I was, about to tease Percy for his little crush on Annabeth Chase—"
"His what?!" Thalia opened her eyes to look at Percy. His cheeks were glowing and, were she not so shocked by the subject herself, she'd be laughing hysterically at his face. He made a great impression of a gaping fish.
Must've been because of his dad.
"I-I don't have a c-crush on Annabeth! She's just my friend!" That sure sounded genuine. Maybe he really didn't—Right, goddess of love. Whelp, tally up another reason she had to whomp on the Kelp Head.
"Oh, you do, dear. Don't worry, I think it's cute. I've got a plan for you, so don't fret about it."
Aphrodite waved her hand over Thalia's shoulder and the door behind Percy popped open.
"Time's up, Prissy!" Ares' massive hand reached in and grabbed the back of Percy's collar. He was hauled out with a yelp. The door closed and Aphrodite turned Thalia to face her. Thalia quickly closed her eyes again and Aphrodite squealed.
"You're hiding from it!? This is perfect!"
"Hiding from what?! Get off of me!"
"Thalia, Thalia, Thalia," Aphrodite tisked and held Thalia at arm's length. She spoke with a soft laugh and her voice gained a hint of an accent. "Open your eyes dear. I've stopped with that face."
Thalia cracked one eye open. Sure enough, the boyish knockout that once sat across from her had been replaced with a salaciously clad, buxom brunette of Hispanic heritage. Annnd now Aphrodite looked like a perfected version of her third period teacher, Mrs. Vegara, who was way too beautiful for a teacher.
Great, now I feel awkward. Thalia groused. The smile the goddess aimed at her was beyond pretty, to be sure, but there was a sinister gleam in her eye that caused a swell of dread to fill Thalia's stomach.
"I was so sure you and Castellan were a tragic flop, but this revelation changes everything." Aphrodite's chocolate brown eyes flashed with vindication. "Yes. Yes, I see it now. Marvelous!"
"Hate to interrupt your, uh, victory lap, but care to clue me in?" Thalia asked irritably. If the goddess was going to make her stick around the least she could do is explain why she'd essentially kidnapped her with Ares' help.
Aphrodite sat back and rested her arms under her generous bosom, smiling in satisfaction.
"Well, as I was saying. I was going to tease Percy about his love life—boys are just so cute at this age, so completely oblivious," she tittered. Thalia scowled, but anything she made to say was cut off as Aphrodite waved excitedly at her. "But you are far more interesting!"
"Lucky me." The daughter of Zeus grumbled.
"Oh, you should count your blessings that I think so, dear. Now that you're out and about, the Queen is on a warpath." Aphrodite started to reapply some polish to her nails. "Just do everything I tell you, and you should be fine."
"Wow, that's so kind of you." Thalia rolled her eyes.
"You know, sarcasm isn't very attractive. I mean, back in the late nineties, sure, it was, but that fad's dead and gone. Do try to be a bit more pleasant." Aphrodite huffed. She gave her a once over and Thalia felt that feeling of dread grow. "In fact, I think you need a makeover."
"I'm gonna take a hard pass on that, thanks." Thalia gave a false smile, hoping that her 'touch my jacket and die' glare got the message across. That hope was squashed when the goddess merely laughed.
"Oh, I love that you think you get a say in the matter."
What followed was the first moment in her life where Thalia was not proud of her reaction. She protested, audibly at first. Then when that failed, she attempted to bargain. Finally, she fell upon her father's tried and true method: violence. Static, kicking her feet, she gave it her all. Alas, it was for naught.
Aphrodite was not a goddess to be slighted, and when she wanted you to change your look, you changed your look.
It didn't help that she felt like she just gargled peppermint to boot.
The wardrobe change happened in seconds, godly power over clothes and makeup had its apparent perks, but it felt so much longer. By the time Thalia coughed the peppermint taste out of her mouth, Aphrodite had conjured up a mirror that would show her the whole getup. Blue eyes went wide as she took in her new look.
Thick stockings under high cut shorts had replaced her torn jeans, mercifully her boots remained intact. Her shirt and jacket – the absence of the latter nearly set off another Mount Zeusette moment – had been replaced with a fully intact, fitted navy turtleneck under a black peacoat. Her wild, untamed hair had been trimmed down to a pixie cut, only bangs remaining behind...the eagle-shaped hair clip was a bit much.
Some eyeshadow and lipgloss appeared after the next blink and Aphrodite sat back with a proud smile on her face.
"Ta-da! I call it Chique Punk." The Goddess smiled. "You're welcome."
"Where is my jacket?! Where is my hair!?"
"Darling, that was a bunch of feathers, not a haircut. Please try to leave hair care to the professionals."
"...Where is my jacket?!"
"You're wearing it."
If Thalia were able to immolate people with her eyes alone, Aphrodite would've been reduced to ashes.
"Change. It. Back."
"No." Aphrodite took her right hand and started filing her nails. Thalia tried to pull her hand back, but it didn't budge. The goddess gave her a pointed look, along with a cruel little smile. "You know, I could've just given you a dress and some heavy makeup. I hear clowns are all the rage right now."
"...I hate you."
"Impossible. You look fabulous and you know it. So again, you're welcome." Aphrodite tittered and took her left hand to work on those nails. Thalia blanched at the navy blue polish now marring the tips of her right hand. "Oh, stop pouting! Honestly, your father's are laughable as it is, and I hate to say it dear, but you got his pout."
"Just kill me. Please." A nail file whacked her on the head. "Ow!"
"Absolutely not, I need you intact!" Aphrodite huffed and resumed working at her left fingernails. "You must knock that boy off his feet! It'll be the most perfect way of getting reven-er, rewarding you for your valiant questing."
Hold up.
"What do you mean revenge?" Thalia frowned. The goddess smirked at her.
"Pay me no mind, Thalia Grace. You just focus on making that hunky 'Whiskers' of yours weak in the knees."
"Hunky Wh-" The implication hit her like a brick and Thalia felt her cheeks blaze. "I-I don't like Whiskers like that! We...He's just a friend!"
"Hm, now where have I heard that before?" Aphrodite grinned. "Oh right, not fifteen minutes ago when Percy Jackson made the same argument."
Thalia had to admit, she had no retort for that one.
"So, now that we've agreed you're going Ga-Ga for Artemis' little boy–"
"H-He's not even her son!"
"Are you saying adoption doesn't count? Tsk tsk, Thalia Grace! I expected more from you," Aphrodite said with that damned smile still on her face. "Although, now you and Hera have something in common. Maybe that'll help you bond with your stepmother."
"Stop twisting my words around!" Thalia snarled and yanked her hands away. She grit her teeth and curled her recently manicured and painted nails into her fists. "Do you have anything worthwhile to say or are you just wasting my time!?"
"It can't be both?"
Thalia's eyes sparked. Aphrodite's smile dropped and she rolled her eyes.
"Killjoy. Maybe I should've dressed you in that gaudy silver Artemis is so enthralled with. Ugh, how gouche." The goddess of love pulled out a compact kit and started touching up her own appearance. "Well, little-miss-do-good, if you must know, the next part of your journey will take you through my husband's junkyard. With that being the case, I have two bits of advice for you."
"...Okay?" Thalia braced herself. Hephaestus' and Aphrodite's joke of a marriage and their respective feelings on it was centuries old news. She would take whatever advice the goddess of love would give her with a grain of salt.
"Don't take anything that's there. He's very protective of his broken toys and such. Insistent that he can use something from there for something else." Aphrodite snorted at the notion. "He fails to comprehend that some things are best forgotten about and that once broken, nothing can be fixed to how it once was. Like a heart, for instance. Once it's been broken, it's impossible to mend."
"Don't steal Hephaestus' garbage. Got it." Thalia scowled. She tensed as the door handle behind her clicked. "What's your second bit of advice?"
Aphrodite locked eyes with her and – very briefly – the goddess' flashed to a familiar shade of blue.
"Don't be afraid to strut your stuff. Sway your hips a little. Work what your hot mommy gave you."
If Thalia's mind were an engine, it would have stalled.
"W-Wha?"
"Bye bye~!"
Thalia found herself promptly ejected from the car, where she landed butt-first in the snow. Tires squealed, a person yelped, and smoke flooded out of the exhaust as the pink limo sped away. The daughter of Zues coughed and waved her hand, dismissing the cloud of smoke with a furious gale from the northern wind.
Of course then, her mind caught up to what Aphrodite was saying.
Oh, there is not enough bleach in the world to clear that image out of my head. She lamented with a grossed out shudder. Or maybe she was shuddering from the cold. Hard to tell.
"Th-Thalia?"
Oh, great. Now, she gets to enjoy being poked fun of by Nightshade, Bianca, Grover and the Kelp Head. Plastering a scowl on her face, Thalia looked up at the speaker and promptly felt her scathing retorts freeze in the night.
Whiskers looked like he'd been through the ringer, his clothes were torn and freshly applied bandages were wrapped around his hands and forearms. His cloak was in tatters, the hood down, and his hair had flakes of snow melting in it. Tucked into a belt that looked like it was made of his scarf was a crescent-shaped ax that embodied the meaning of the word 'Metal'.
Damn, that's hot. And like a record scratch, she almost heaved at her stupid, hormone driven thought. Nope. Couldn't have that. That was just Aphrodite's lingering magic or some such. She was Thalia Grace and no boy, no matter how hot he looked, was going to make her act 'girly'.
"Whiskers?" She managed to squeak out. Dammit!
"Yeah…enjoying the snow?" He tilted his head and–Oh, come on! Why did the guy have to look like a kitten?! That wasn't fair!
"Huh?"
"You're sitting in snow."
Oh, well, that explains why her butt felt wet.
"...I am."
"You want a hand up?" He held his hand out for her.
No. No. NO. NO! Say NO! Every bit of her punk-rock soul screamed.
"...Sure." And she took his hand.
Da-ha-ham-mit! The last shreds of her dignity wailed as he hoisted her back to her feet. Ugh, why was he taller than her!? Why was that appealing?! No! Focus! Find Nightshade, have her deal with Whiskers' random reappearance! It was her quest! She was just coming to help save Artemis and Annabeth!
"You cut your hair."
"Huh?"
"Your hair," Whiskers said. He lifted his other hand and gently lifted her bangs, drawing attention to them. "It's cut."
"Oh, uh, Aphrodite did it." She tossed the blame at the goddess.
"Oh, that would explain it."
"Explain what?"
"Explains why you look cute," he said, deep blue eyes meeting hers.
Gah! Critical hit! SOS, someone save her!
"Grace, are you through dealing with that wench?! We're on a sched–Naruto?"
"Zoë!" Whiskers looked past her at the group and Thalia felt her shoulders fall in relief. Nightshade just earned herself one less butt-whooping in the next CTF match.
"Thalia? What happened to you?!" Grover gaped
"Whoa…you look so pretty!" Bianca, the little traitor, gushed.
"Grover, that can't be her. She's missing the punk jacket and the pinecone haircut."
The Kelp Head, however, just earned an immediate one.
Integrating himself onto the quest was not too difficult, Naruto would reflect. Finding Thalia as he did was odd, but after he got through her and Zoë's endless questioning, he was welcomed without much protest from the others. As they walked, he was able to use the time to catch up on what they knew in the past few hours. Of course, learning that The Hunt still won despite his absence was a mixed bag of feelings. However, with that came a certain smug pride that he didn't hesitate to show a certain daughter of Zeus when the topic came up.
"Shut up, Whiskers!"
"I mean, I did tell you so." Naruto smirked. Her bravado shown on the pavilion was for not. Even if they hadn't gotten to square off for the flag. Shame, that.
"Ugh, I swear, keep spouting that nonsense and I'll, I'll..!" Thalia, unable to come up with anything substantial, threw her arms up and let out a cry of frustration. The red color of her cheeks just made it more hilarious to him.
"Would the two of you like to get a room?" The Satyr asked. Naruto didn't really remember his name, Clover maybe? It was something woodland related.
"That's not funny, Grover!" Thalia ground out through clenched teeth. Ah, right, that was his name. At least it wasn't a lame pun or a knock off of a children's book character. That would be something Uncle Fred would do.
"Indeed." Zoë huffed. She gave Naruto a pointed look. "I was under the impression thou wished to remain on Lady Artemis' good side after the fiasco in Seattle."
And now it was Naruto's turn to have red cheeks. He crossed his arms and resisted the urge to wince.
"That's so uncalled for."
"Nay, I feel it most appropriate." Zoe sniffed with her usual smug undertone. She was always accused by Phoebe of having a fat head, not unlike a certain uncle of Naruto's. He was starting to see what she meant.
"What are you talking about?" Bianca, the latest addition to the Hunt, asked. He didn't know her all that well. She had been more interested in getting to know the ways of being a Hunter than introducing herself to him. He didn't mind, it was a norm for new Hunters to give him space since he was an abnormality. That damn Y-chromosome haunted him.
"Worry not, Bianca, it is something you'll never have to deal with." Zoë assured her.
"...Uh-huh…" Bianca didn't sound convinced.
"You've been to Seattle?" The son of Poseidon asked. His name was Paulie? Paulie sounded right. He could be wrong.
"Not willingly." Naruto scowled at the memory. "The Amazons are unforgivable."
"...The Amazons are in Seattle?" Thalia asked. He glanced at her, a small smile spreading across his face.
"You don't think it's weird that a 'book store' being run out of some random guy's garage suddenly grew into a country-wide shipping industry?"
"Corporate takeover. In the most literal sense."
"Men are ruthless." Zoë chirped.
"Fair." He conceded. "But, no. It's run by the Amazons. They use willing volunteers as manual laborers and handle the more logistic side of things."
"...When you say manual laborers…" Grover started, arching a brow. Naruto sighed.
"Yes, I was one for a month."
"And you did that willingly?" Thalia asked, crossing her arms. He wasn't sure why, but he hesitated with his next answer.
"Not exactly..."
"Liar." Zoë harrumphed. He rolled his eyes.
"For the last time, I was enslaved! I woke up in their infirmary and by the time I got my wits about, they slapped a shock collar on my neck!"
"Yes, a likely story. That's why we found thou so eagerly meeting the queen's lips with thine own." Zoë scoffed.
A sudden chill went up his spine, and Naruto tugged his replacement cloak, courtesy of his mother's Lieutenant, tighter around his shoulders. That nipped the cool breeze in the bud, but there was a curiosity that he couldn't shake his mind from. He frowned after a few sniffs in the air.
Why did it smell like ozone?
"...Oh, I just got it." Grover blinked. "Wait, hold on, you're the Son of Artemis, right?"
"Adopted, but yes." He nodded.
"She must've been miffed that you became someone's boyfriend."
The air went still.
Weird.
"At best, I was a consort – and I mean that in the loosest definition of the term!" He glared at Zoë. She snorted.
"I'm sure."
"Mom vouched for me!"
"Over what?" Paulie asked. Grover the Satyr looked at him.
"Percy-" Oh, so it's 'Percy'? Well at least he hadn't tried to address him aloud. Naruto was going to remember that name. "-He was a consort. You know, like, uh, a royal's unofficial lover?"
"Okay, an-Oh. Oh!"
Oh, no. They were getting the wrong idea.
"Keep your minds out of the gutter," Naruto snapped, his lips once more slipping into a scowl. "As I said before, my mother — the goddess of virginity — vouched for my continued abstinence."
"What does that mean in English?" Percy asked. Were all boys this stupid or was it only the American ones? He'd not really interacted with many Canadians.
"Lady Artemis confirmed that Naruto was a consort by title alone." Zoë huffed. She crossed her arms. "Not that it matters much, given what act he was so heatedly indulging in."
The sky rumbled as clouds rolled in overhead. What in the world was crawling in Zeus' toga that was making him so mad? Was he really that upset by Artemis' absence? Was he trying to tell them to hurry up?
"Gods above," Naruto grumbled lowly. He took a deep breath before glaring at his eldest 'sister'. "Once again, I was enslaved by a shock collar! Would you like to make a pit stop at the nearest pet store? I'll happily point out a model for you to take for a spin."
"I mean, I get what he's saying." Bianca chirped. "Narudo was probably doing what he could to survive."
Finally, a Hunter with a sensible head on her shoulders! He was so relieved that he was going to overlook her mispronouncing his name. So elated was he that he threw his arms up into the air.
"Yes, thank you!"
"Still, on the other hand, whatever you were caught doing that upset Lady Artemis so much must really push the boundaries of the Hunter's Oath." Bianca hummed. "Which begs the question; what did they find you doing?"
"The Amazon's Queen was kissing me." Naruto shrugged. Bianca, Grover and Percy jumped when a bright flash of lightning cracked across the sky.
"Geez! We're not that far behind are we?" Percy asked, frowning. "He wasn't this bad when his symbol was stolen."
"Uh, Percy, I don't think it's him." Grover mumbled, looking at the far too quiet member of their group.
Naruto followed his gaze to the stormy glower that was on Thalia's face. He took a half step back, recalling more than a few times when that look was aimed at him or Luke, and that she tended to shock first and apologize later whenever she did. Perhaps he took it too far after teasing her for losing the bet after she had suffered being in Aphrodite's presence for so long.
"What's got you so upset, Pinecone Head?"
Naruto slowly turned to look at the son of Poseidon. He wasn't that oblivious was he? No, clearly not, but there was a small gleam in his green eyes. The same gleam his father had during his trial. As if some severe annoyance would make him erupt if enough pressure was put on him. That must've blinded him to the danger.
"Stuff it, Percy. I'm not in the mood."
"Yeah, we figured that out with the lightshow. Way to be subtle about it."
Okay, so maybe the son of Poseidon had a death wish.
Or, possibly, his mother had been right all along and all boys were just that stupid. Well, Naruto hadn't seen evidence to the contrary yet. At least he didn't show any signs of it…aside from that moment of weakness in Seattle. Stupid Uncle Fred, influencing him while he was trying to make his escape.
That's the only logical explanation for why he allowed Hylla to steal his first kiss without violent repercussions.
That, and hormones.
"You wanna go, kelp for brains?! Because I'm telling you now, I'm not gonna pull any punches this time!"
"Right, because back at Camp you held back so much with that lightning bolt!"
"That was an accident!"
"Enough, thou shalt cease this at once!" Zoë stood between the two with her hands on their shoulders. She glared from one demigod to the other. "Lady Artemis' life, and the very fate of the world, is at stake with this quest! Cast thine fathers' petty squabbles aside and grow up!"
Naruto almost wanted to point out the hypocrisy in her statement, but the continued rumbles above him had him holding his tongue. He was not above using others as meat shields…
Naruto blinked and winced, his hand going to his sliced side, feeling the warm liquid of life wash over his fingers. A crash of lightning rang in his ears, and another figure stood in front of him, their back facing him. They were monochromatic in color and texture, giving off vague feelings of plantlife. He didn't know what was happening or why, but he knew that the man in front of him had to be stopped at any cost.
With a roar, he flung himself from the ground and wound his arms around the throat of his quarry. He braced himself against the wall as the dark haired young man across from them lifted his lone left hand. Lightning shot down from the heavens and crackled around his remaining arm, the other long since replaced by a bloody stump.
"(Wait, no! It shouldn't be this way! You're just a pawn! A pawn!)" The Quarry struggled to break free, the void of skin and flesh flailing against Naruto's hold. The Nordic runes on his arm started to glow red, and ethereal chains sprouted from them, winding around The Quarry and binding it in place. "(Mother! Mother! I'm coming for you Mother!)"
"Do it! Do it now!" Naruto barked at the lightning user. The other man sneered.
"(Don't give me orders, Yankee.)" The darker youth closed his eyes and reopened them, red orbs replacing those that were once coal colored. He lifted his crackling arm and charged forward. "(One Thousand Birds!)"
"(No!)"
Lightning pierced flesh, and the wall behind them struggled.
"(Listen well, both of you. I will not be stopped. Mother will return, it is her will!" The Quarry still lived, and he was just as chatty as ever. Naruto rectified that by snapping his neck. The Quarry's strange form slumped and fell once both boys released it.
"…I hate magic." Naruto spat, glowering at the charred mark on his shirt.
"(Hey, Yankee.)" Naruto looked up into the other youth's eyes. They were coal black, and the slightest hitch of breath betrayed how exhausted the other boy was. He cracked a smirk, exposing a pronounced canine. "(If we ever meet again, I'll kill you.)"
"Naruto?"
Naruto's blue eyes blinked rapidly and looked down at two concerned black irises. For a second they flashed to match the strange red eyes that the other boy had in that vision? Or was it a memory? He held his head and groaned. Stupid Khonsu and his magical chronokinesis. He should use one of his remaining favors to get the god to reenact a puppet show or something for the Hunt.
"Are you okay?" Bianca asked, both of them ignoring the other bickering demigods, satyr and Zoë.
"I'm fine." He assured her with a small smile. "Just a small headache. Have we resolved anything yet?"
"No, Thalia started an argument with Zoë when she tried to intervene. Percy got upset when they implied some girl named Annie would be an acceptable loss, and Grover tried to rephrase it but–"
"You know what? I think I get the idea." Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose.
Paul-er, Percy was a typical heroic sort of demigod. Noble, loyal, but clearly a little too much of the latter influenced his judgment. He couldn't fault him for that without being a hypocrite, but he could fault him for involving himself in an argument that had nothing to do with him.
Thalia was, well, she was Thalia. Proud, stubborn, and easily prone to anger. Her father's blood was strong. Even if it didn't show. Like, at all. Except for her hair and eye color. ...Come to think of it, was she wearing makeup? Geez, Aphrodite didn't pull any punches. He almost pitied the girl for whoever she was being dolled up for.
The Satyr – Grover, he reminded himself – had some serious confidence issues. Why, he hadn't a clue. He hadn't interacted with the species much, let alone this particular Satyr, given he was a pureblood mortal. That combined with their…deep fascination, for lack of a better term, with his mother always put him on edge.
And Zoë, of course, was being herself. The Lieutenant of Artemis. His stern older sister was his mother's second for good reason: She'd been with the Hunt longer than most current Hunters had been alive. That said, she was admittedly...peculiar in regards to her matron. When an order was given by Artemis, she followed it to the letter. Losing her would be akin to Marc Spector losing whatever thread of sanity he had.
"We really should do something." Bianca mumbled.
Naruto glanced down at her, a thoughtful look on his face. From what he'd observed of her, she had a good head on her shoulders, was a quick learner and was eager to please her new sisters, but like the satyr, she had severe confidence issues. She was soft-spoken and often tried to blend in with the others back at Cabin Eight.
"Don't you think?"
"Hm?"
"This…" She gestured at the bickering quartet and then the sky. "Do something? Maybe?"
"You're a Hunter."
"But Zoë listens to you. Thalia does, too."
"You clearly don't know them that well." Naruto snorted. Those girls listened to him when they damn well felt like it. Then again, time was still crawling forward. And, from what he understood, they had a time limit to adhere to. With a forlorn sigh, he pointed at Bianca. "If I don't come back from this, I'm haunting you."
"That's a risk I'm willing to take."
What a cheeky kid!
Naruto liked her. She reminded him of a less confident, and darker palette, Annabeth.
Stepping forward, the blond teen curled his middle finger and thumb between his lips. Then, he blew. A sharp, and more importantly, loud whistle echoed throughout the desert. Four sets of eyes, all equally irritated, turned to him. He crossed his arms and glared right back, his eyes frosting over in disapproval.
"I'm sure we all have good points to make, but last I checked it wasn't any of your mothers that were in trouble." Paul-Percy and Thalia averted their eyes, Grover looked down at his hooves. He looked at Zoë, who gained a smug smile. "Really Zoë? Really? Are you the Lieutenant of Artemis, or a child who has to be right?"
"Thou of all people should know–!"
"You are bickering with me, when I agree with you!" Naruto cut her off. He pointed to the west and scanned the four of them. "We have a job to do, and I am determined to do it. If I have to, I'll do it myself, because clearly none of you are willing to put aside your personal feelings to get the job done!"
Silence hung over the group.
"Thou made your point." Zoe said with a twinge of petulance in her tone. She turned and marched off without another word. Paul – Percy, dammit, he would get it right! – and Grover followed her, muttering apologies and reconciling in the odd way that only males could.
Thalia continued glaring at him. He glared right back at her.
"You got something to say, Grace?"
"Don't call me that!"
"Then. Get. Moving."
Thalia scowled and stormed off after the others. Naruto crossed his arms and huffed.
Stars above, what the hell did Aphrodite do to her?
Thalia's mind was a whirl of emotions and it took all of her self control to keep it from leaking out into the weather. Not like she had a great grasp on those powers to begin with, but she was improving! Well, before Annie got kidnapped. And Artemis. Ugh, was it too much to ask those she considered friends (Annabeth) or important (Artemis) to not be kidnapped while she was trying to control her stupid broken powers?!
No, that wasn't fair to those who had been kidnapped. After all, she was only like this because of one particular boy and his one particular story about an incident in Seattle. Her eye twitched and she felt the familiar tension build in her shoulders that would happen when tempests threatened to build around her.
This was all because of that one stupid kiss!
And it wasn't even with me! Her cheeks burned as she realized what she thought. No! I meant, from me! No, wait! Dammit! I don't–Why is this so confusing?! Why am I trying to rationalize this with myself!?
Because, a soft voice that sounded irritatingly like a certain goddess, you're stranded in the river called De Nile.
Great, she had a love goddess in her head. She was doomed to go crazy like That Woman did, wasn't she? Fan-tucking-fastic! As if she didn't have enough problems in her life!
Life as a tree did shockingly little to prepare her for life as a Demigod.
Why didn't her Sire just let her Uncle kill her, again? Don't misunderstand, Thalia was okay with being alive – that opinion changed depending on her mood – and was grateful that he cared enough to intervene on her behalf that one time, but seriously. Was this headache worth it?
Heartache, dear. The Not-Aphrodite voice tittered.
"Shut up." She groused at the voice.
"I didn't say anything." Grover, who was the nearest one to her, mumbled. She backpedaled and tried to clear the air between them.
"No, not you, Grover! I was just talking to–ugh, never mind." Thalia almost wanted to cry. She was stressed out and tired and pissed off and it was all getting to be too much! But she refused to let it show. She reigned those feelings in, tucked them into the darkest corner of her mind and–
"Okay, so, correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a junkyard. In the middle of the desert."
Bless Percy's knack for being the patented Captain Obvious.
"The Junkyard of The Gods, yes." The Hunt's Lieutenant confirmed. "So if thou values thine life, try not to touch anything."
"If gods don't want it, why would we?" Grover asked.
"...Don't you, like, eat tin cans?" Percy asked, smirking. The Satyr glowered at him.
"Don't make me pull out my pipes. I've learned more Hillary Duff."
Ugh, why was that his go-to? Thalia had to get Grover into better music. She wondered how well Metallica would transfer to reed pipes.
"...Hillary Duff?" Bianca asked as they passed through the gate.
"Satyr magic is often musically focused. The pipes act as the conduit for the incantations to be cast and the natural magic is channeled through the music. Modern Pop, from my understanding, transfers well." Whiskers drawled.
"You seem rather informed about Satyr magic," Grover said, giving him a wary eye. Whiskers glanced at him and smirked.
"Goat. Stalkers."
"I...That's fair. I can't argue that."
"Yes it is, and no you can't."
"Keeping up with our native magicks?" Nightshade asked. Thalia's curiosity was piqued. That query implied there were other sorts of magic. Whiskers rubbed his hand over his tattooed arm and wow, were they lean or –
Hey, no. I'm not doing that. He's just a guy. Not something worth going 'ga-ga' over. Thalia scoffed, mocking the way Aphrodite had said the term to her.
"You know magic, too?" Percy asked with some curiosity. And maybe some envy? It was hard to say.
"I'm aware of it, familiar when it is being used, but I don't use it. I refuse." Whiskers grumbled and crossed his arms. Which somehow made his chest look like a wall and dammit, she was doing it again! Stupid hormones! "Aside from my mortal blood hindering its capabilities, magic is an overrated and a cheap tactic. Not to mention costly when done by those who are still learning it."
"Speaking from experience?" Nightshade question sounded far too coy. Thalia furrowed her brows when Whiskers scowled at her.
"Not cool."
"You messed up a spell?" Bianca asked. Both Nightshade and Whiskers snapped their attention to her. Then shared a brief look. They knew something, and they were keeping it secret. Thalia hated secrets, or at least being kept out of the loop of them.
Annnd my limit has been reached.
"Okay! That tears it!" She snapped, stopping mid step and glaring at them. "You two know way more than you're letting on! And, from Nightshade, I kind of get it. She's old! Like, millennia years."
"E-Excuse me?!" Nightshade blinked in bewilderment.
"But you're going to keep this a secret too, Whiskers?! Seriously?!" Thalia glared at him. He blinked, unphased, and shrugged.
"I've led an eventful life."
And now he was trying to be cute!
Not that it's hard–
Not now! Thalia roared at the not-goddess in her head. She darted her finger between the two. "No, you two are talking about magic way too lightheartedly. I should know, look at what magic did to me!"
"Thou/You have my deepest sympathy." They chorused, before sharing a bemused look with one another.
"I think you look pretty." Bianca mumbled. Thalia glared at her extra hard. That's how she noticed a gleam tucking into the girl's cloak.
"What was that?"
"I said–"
"No, not that! That! In your hand!" Thalia took a step forward. "What is it!?"
Bainca flinched and backed away. "I don't-"
Before anyone could stop her, Thalia moved, and even with her enhanced reflexes, Bianca couldn't squirm away. Yanking it from the newbie Hunter, Thalia could only scowl.
"Great. Awesome. Check it out, Nightshade!" She flicked the object over to the Hunter, who caught it easily. "Your rookie, who you insisted wouldn't cause us any problems despite only just learning that she was a demigod, did the one thing you told all of us not to do!"
In the Lieutenant's hand was a small figurine. One from Bianca's brother's weird mytho-whatever-card game. It was a mortal's interpretation of the likeness of Hades.
"Bianca..." Nightshade began to reprimand, with the eyes only a disappointed older sibling could make. Bianca scrunched her shoulders and stared at her travel boots.
"I just…I wanted to give something to Nico when we got back. I left him without saying goodbye."
"While the sentimentality is lovely, doing so could have gotten thou killed. Nay, all of us."
There was a loud groan from somewhere in the Junkyard.
"Correction, it might still get us killed." Whiskers deadpanned. He bowed his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Selene. Helios. Cthulhu. Primus. Anyone who's listening, help us survive this."
"...Did you just pray to a Transformer?" Grover asked. Whiskers glowered.
"Well, I can't exactly ask Uncle Fred for help, now can I?"
"What's Cuh-thoo-lu?" Percy asked. Thalia wasn't going to lie, she wasn't familiar with the word either.
"Don't ask." Nightshade and Whiskers grumbled in stereo. They shared another look, before the former spoke. "Thou will lead the way. Bianca and I shall hold up the rear. Penance for her mistake."
"Trial by combat? That's kind of harsh, Zoë."
"N-No! She's right. I messed up." Bianca ducked her head in shame. "I should make up for it."
"Hunters are not Heroes." Whiskers groaned into his hand as he rubbed his eyes. "Compromise, I'll hang back with Bianca, you lead them out." Before Nightshade could protest, he pointed at her with a smirk. "You're the quest leader; you're kind of more important than I am."
"...Damn thine logic. Fine!" Nightshade spun on her heel. "Jackson, Underwood, Gr–"
"I'll stay back." Thalia cut her off before she tried to use That Woman's name. She crossed her arms and unflinchingly met Nightshade's glare. "Whatever it is, it's likely made of metal. I'll superheat it with a few lightning bolts. I need the stress relief."
"Argh, if any of thee die, thou only hath thyselves to blame!" Nightshade strode off. "Jackson, Underwood, with me!"
The two boys exchanged a look before darting off after her. Percy looked back at them over his shoulder, but a nod from her had him rush on. She looked back at Bianca and Whiskers.
"So, what's the plan?"
Another groan was followed by the crashing of heavy objects.
"Running and gunning, I think, would be the best plan." Whiskers drawled as he drew some silver throwing knives from his back pocket and readied them in his hands, three a piece. Thalia blinked, those were new. He noticed her stare and shrugged. "Mom figured I needed to up my game, and she was sick of seeing me waste perfectly good arrowheads."
"Something tells me that's not the full story." Thalia scowled as something shook the ground. He had so many secrets. It was infuriating!
I think you mean intriguing.
Don't you have kids to bother?! She snapped sarcastically. She blanched when she got an actual response.
Oh, but Dear Thalia, you're far more entertaining! The goddess tittered. Oh, and, just an F-Y-I, that's the prototype of Talos. Good luck~!
"T-Talos?!" She stuttered.
"Wasn't that the giant automaton Jason fought?" Bianca asked. Thalia's heart seized, briefly struck by the fantasy of a happy two-year-old boy with a freshly healed scar on his lip going up against a giant robot, before she shook her head. She needn't worry about that scenario happening, since That Woman did the Unforgivable Thing.
"Yeah, but that's in Greece. In pieces. Long since ru–" Whiskers stopped himself mid-sentence. He put his throwing knives away and relaxed. "You guys go ahead. I've got an idea."
"Absolutely not happening." Thalia scowled at him. The last time she 'went on ahead', he went missing for five...eight? Gah, stupid tree malarky! The point is, the last time she listened to him, he disappeared.
"Thalia, pl–"
"You disappeared and I turned into a tree."
"Okay, that's...that's fair." He deflated slightly before looking at Bianca. Her eyes were hard as coal. Whiskers gave her a wry smile and rested a hand on his hip. "You wouldn't go if I asked either, would you?"
She shook her head. He sighed and rubbed his forehead.
"Great. Fine. Fine! Hope I don't get smote for 'exposing' you." He grumbled and ignored the confused glare she leveled on him. He needed to stop being so stupidly cryptic!
You love it. Aphrodite teased. Thalia felt her right eye twitch.
Go. Away.
A heavy foot stomp made the three of them look up. And up. And up. Towering over them, wielding a bronze sword that was taller than most trees, was an enormous automaton made of bronze. Thalia gulped, that sucker was at least two hundred feet tall.
"That's...a lot of metal." Whiskers mumbled. He swallowed and dug a hand around in his left pocket, before pulling something out. "I really hope this works."
"If it doesn't?" Bianca asked.
"We're all probably gonna die."
"Wow, way to be positive, Whiskers."
"Well, I'd feel a lot better if you two would've just gone–"
"Not. Happening." Thalia glared at him. Why did he insist on being so stupid about this?
"Then it looks like I'm calling in my second favor." Before she could push him on that vague comment, Whiskers wound his arm back like he was preparing to pitch a baseball. As he tossed the object forward and the Talos prototype lifted its sword up, he cried out: "Isfet!"
Whatever he threw became enshrouded in silver energy and slammed into the automaton's chest. It stumbled back with a mechanical groan. The moon's light burst through the lingering clouds and enveloped Talos as it shook off the stunning blow. It raised its sword once again and brought it down towards them.
Thalia and Bianca, reasonably, jumped back and readied their weapons.
Whiskers, the idiot he was determined to prove he was, did not.
"Whiskers, move!"
He crossed his arms.
The sword slammed down and–
Dust.
Thalia lifted her shield to protect her face as the cloud of sand and dust rushed out from the point of impact. Lifting her spear, she willed the winds to build and clear the air. At first, the winds resisted, but when she pushed her frustration and building anger into it, the spirits that directed them all too willingly cowed. The dust scattered, and Talos was nowhere to be seen.
Thalia felt her shoulders slump in relief when she saw Whiskers standing in the same place, unharmed. He was scratching dust out of his hair and grumbling under his breath. She and Bianca exchanged bewildered looks with one another before approaching him.
"...said chaos, I didn't mean for you to turn it into rust! This is why I hate using magic! It never does what anyone wants it to!" He groused, tilting his head and smacking the side of it to dislodge more dust from his ear. Thalia blinked at the amount that actually came out. That couldn't be healthy.
"I thought you said you don't use magic?" Bianca asked. Whiskers stilled and looked around, before landing his gaze on them.
"I don't. Like I said, I called in my second favor."
"To who?" Thalia asked. He looked at her and she read his conflicted feelings in his eyes. She narrowed hers and crossed her arms. "Don't make me ask again."
"Someone who I really, really shouldn't tell you about." He held up a hand to belay her angry retort. "Thalia, trust me, you don't want to get involved with him. This …prank was his way of getting back at me for something I said."
"...Are…are you talking about a god?" Bianca asked. Whiskers looked at her and remained quiet. Then he trudged past them, heading towards the exit.
"We should go before Zoë decides to stab either of those boys for annoying her."
Thalia scowled, recognizing his deflection as he made it. She wanted to push for more details, but decided that he deserved the benefit of the doubt considering he might've just saved their butts.
"I thought Kendra was the stab-happy one?" Bianca asked, jogging up to walk beside him.
"That's Marie. Zoë's got her moments, and she's not in a good mood." Whiskers continued on before turning to look at Thalia. "On the bright side, if we make it out of this quest alive, she might relieve you of your debt and shackle it on Bianca here."
"You think?" Thalia asked as the younger girl squawked.
"Well, she's got to be punished somehow. And I don't encourage the whole trial by combat thing." He scowled. "Feels too Amazonian for my taste."
"If you don't like them so much, why did you kiss their queen?" Thalia asked, doing her best not to sound bitter. Not that she was. Much. No, at all! She wasn't upset that Whiskers had a kiss with another girl!
Your denial is so deep, I'm actually kind of concerned. I've got so much work cut out for me. Aphrodite grumbled. Thalia scowled, for a few reasons. Primarily the goddess that was hounding her thoughts.
What did I do, huh? What did I do to deserve you bothering me?
Thalia, darling, you are one of mine. I refuse to let that snot-nosed, poop-sniffing, forest crawling little bitch sink her claws into you once you finish this quest! If that means I must suffer the sour looks of The Queen for siding with Zeus on your existence, then so be it.
Gee, thanks.
You're welcome, darling. Oh, your boy-toy's trying to get your attention. Better pretend you were listening.
"He's not–I mean, what?" Thalia snapped as she felt heat creep up her neck, engulf her ears and make its way across her cheeks.
"You got some rust here." Whiskers rubbed at his namesake. Thalia arched a brow and rubbed her hand across her face in the same spot. He frowned. "No, it's. Here, let me get it."
He licked his thumb and – Oh, gods. Oh Gods! What the actual hell was up with her body?! Stupid hormones, seriously! All he's doing is rubbing spit on her cheek! That's no reason to speed up heart palpitations! That's unsanitary! And the goddess riding in the back had to stop squealing!
Aphrodite was spared a volatile cursing out by the master of timing that was Perseus Jackson.
"Wow, I guess Grover was right." Her cousin's grin was shit-eating wide. "Do you two want us to find you a room?"
Urk! He was a witness to her humiliation! The Kelp Head must die!
"Hilarious." Whiskers drawled, turning and giving the same treatment to Bianca, much to her protest. "Stop squirming! It's rust and we're in the open desert. There's no reliable water source for miles. Geez, the Hunters do this sort of thing all the time!"
"...They…they do?" Percy blinked. His green eyes glazed over and–Oh, gross! Well, now she had two reasons to kill him.
Ah, so young. So naive. So deliciously ripe for the picking.
Thalia pinched the bridge of her nose. Why was this her life?
AN: I would've posted this sooner, but my car was stolen.
I wish I were joking.
Ah, well.
Hope y'all have a Happy New Year!
EDIT: The Son of Artemis' story continues in Lunar Phases