Kara had to force a smile as she headed towards the door. She had been looking forward to this all day, but Alex had been acting weird ever since Kara had gotten home from school the day before, and it was kind of souring things. She'd been a little hesitant to invite Tina over today, but Alex had insisted she was fine, and that it was okay, but Alex was weirdly distant, and that had only gotten worse after Kara had invited Tina over. It made her wonder if maybe Alex wasn't as okay with her sexuality as she said she was. She really hoped that whatever was going on with Alex, that wasn't it, but given that it seemed to have started the same day Alex found out that Kara preferred girls, she wasn't sure what else it could be. It hurt to think that Alex would have a problem with it for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was the reminder that the person Kara wanted to be her bond mate was forever out of reach.
On the other hand, it made things with Tina seem a bit more important and urgent. If things were going to go back to the way they were before Kenny died, then she needed some sort of emotional safety net. She couldn't go back to being alone like she was before she met Kenny. Tina and her friends wouldn't be the same as having Alex, but at least she would have someone.
None of this would be an issue if Grant would have just taken no for an answer, or had left her alone in the first place, but that was part of the problem, wasn't it? Human men, most of them, had such a sense of entitlement when it came to women. They felt entitled to a woman's time, attention, affection, body, interest and emotional labor while offering almost nothing in return. And if a woman didn't want to provide those things, they felt entitled to an explanation of why. Back on Krypton, such a demand would have been considered rude and invasive, but then, back on Krypton, no one would have approached her the way Grant did to begin with.
Some days, Kara longed for the more refined manners and customs of home.
She opened the door to find Tina standing on the porch, holding a large black portfolio.
"What's that?" Kara asked.
"Well, I figured if you were going to show me yours, it's only fair that I show you mine," Tina said.
"Oh… um…" Kara stammered as she felt her cheeks heat up.
Tina grinned at her. "You're cute when you blush."
"Uh… thanks."
"Are you going to invite me in?"
"Oh, um… of course. Come in!" Kara stepped back, to make room for Tina to step inside. "My studio is upstairs. Come on."
"You have your own studio?" Tina asked.
"Sort of," Kara said. "You'll see."
Kara led them upstairs. Once they reached the second floor, Kara saw Alex sitting on the sofa in the den watching Aliens.
"Hey, Alex. This is Tina Lupo. Tina, this is Alex."
"Hey," Tina said.
"Hey," Alex replied without looking away from the TV.
Kara saw the frown on Tina's face, and pushed down a flicker of annoyance at Alex.
"Come on. Studio's this way." She led the way down the hall, past the door to her and Alex's room, to a smaller bedroom, and opened the door. Inside, the room was split in half. One half was filled with a workbench, toolboxes, a peg board with various tools hanging from it, and organizers filled with electronics components, circuit boards, and various bits of electronics. The other half had a massive easel, a drafting table, an organizer filled with art supplies, and shelves stacked with paintings.
"Wow," Tina said as she sat down her portfolio. "Is all of this yours?"
"No. The work bench is Alex's."
"Ah. Does she not like me, or something?"
"She's been having trouble sleeping, and tired Alex is always grumpy Alex. Actually, grumpy is kind of Alex's default state if she's not surfing or riding her dad's motorcycle." Kara didn't mention the other exception to that was pretty much any time they got to cuddle up together. She was pretty sure Alex would murder her in her sleep if the kids at school found out that the girl who terrified pretty much everyone at Midvale High was a giant ball of mush who spent her nights in flannel pajamas, cuddled up with her sister watching Disney movies, romantic comedies, and the occasional horror movie.
"Good to know it's not me," Tina said.
"Yeah. She's a bit like a hedgehog. Cute, but prickly."
Tina laughed, and Kara couldn't help but smile.
"Cute and funny," Tina said. "That's a good combination."
Kara felt her cheeks heat up again, and she turned away to pull some of her paintings off the shelf.
"I'm not really sure where to start. I do a lot of um… sci-fi stuff, I guess." She took the paintings she'd pulled down and sat two of them on the drafting table, and two on the easel. The paintings were of Krypton, though she knew Tina wouldn't realize that. There was a scene from the Scarlet Jungle, one from the Rainbow Canyon, the Jewel Mountains, and the Ruins of Xan. She'd chosen each one because there was nothing in them to link back to any of the Kryptonian iconography that Kal-El had shared with Earth. No Coats of Arms, no Kryptonian writing. Just the beauty of a world she'd lost.
"Wow," Tina said. "These are amazing." She turned and looked at Kara. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you had done these digitally and printed them on the canvas."
"No," Kara said. "Just oils."
"How long did they take?" Tina asked.
"A few hours each," Kara said.
"You did these wet on wet?"
"Yeah," Kara said. "When I do a painting, I just kind of have to get it out of my head. I can't really wait days for different layers to dry."
Tina nodded. "I get that," she said. "That's part of the reason I paint the way I do. I could never get anything this crisp doing wet on wet."
"I've heard acrylics are better for getting crisp edges when you're working fast, but I hate trying to blend them. The colors never come out right. You get the perfect color when they are wet, but when it dries, the color is off."
"I know what you mean. That's why I stick to oils and watercolors."
"You do watercolor?" Kara asked.
"Yeah," Tina said.
"Hold on a second," Kara said. She picked up the canvases and returned them to their spot on the shelves, then pulled out some of the canvas panels she used for her watercolors and laid them out. Images of the Firefalls, the Nightwing Nebula, the /dusylgiv/ fields outside of Argo, and one of the red face of Rao during the long twilight.
Tina looked at them, and Kar waited nervously, wondering what she would think. "These are beautiful," Tina whispered.
"Thank you."
"Do you just do landscapes and sci-fi stuff?" Tina asked.
Kara hesitated for a moment, but then shook her head. "I do some portraiture," she said.
"Show me?"
"Sure." Kara picked up the watercolors and put them away, then she selected three canvases and laid them out. "This is my foster mother, Eliza, and this is my foster father, Jeremiah, and this is my cousin, Clark."
"I didn't realize you're a foster kid," Tina said.
"I just kind of assumed everyone knew. It was big news at Midvale Middle School when the Danvers took me in."
"I didn't go to Midvale Middle School. My mom and I moved to town the summer before my freshman year. I know your dad… Well, I guess your foster dad… died around the end of freshman year."
Kara looked down at the picture of Jeremiah. "That was hard," she said. "Loosing him so soon after my parents."
"What happened to your parents?" Tina asked.
"There was a fire," Kara said, the well-rehearsed lie rolling off her lips easily. "I lost everything."
"You didn't have any other family?"
"Just my cousin," Kara said. "He couldn't take me in, but he asked the Danvers to take me."
"Do you ever get to see him?"
"Sometimes. Not as much as I'd like. He's a reporter, so he travels a lot for his job."
"I'm sorry."
Kara shrugged. "It's not so bad. Eliza is great, and I've got Alex."
Tina smiled. "You two are really close, huh?"
"Yeah. Alex is amazing."
Tina looked back down at the paintings Kara had laid out. "Would… Would it be weird if I asked if you had any paintings of your parents?"
Kara's heart stopped for a moment. She did have paintings of her parents, dozens of them, but she really only had one that she could show people, because most of the paintings she'd done had her parents in Kryptonian robes.
"I have one," she said. "It's in my bedroom."
"Can I see it?"
"Yeah." Kara picked up the portraits she'd laid out, and put them back on the shelf, then motioned for Tina to follow her. Tina picked up her portfolio and followed Kara down the hall to the bedroom she shared with Alex.
"You can put your portfolio on my bed," Kara said as she headed over to one of the paintings hung on the wall.
Tina dropped the portfolio on Kara's bed, and then came over to where Kara was.
"That's the three of us," Kara said. "Mom was a judge, and Dad was a biologist."
Tina rested a hand in the small of Kara's back. "I'm sorry you lost them," she said. "I know how hard losing a parent is. I can't imagine losing three."
Kara turned to look at Tina for a moment. "Did you lose someone?"
"Yeah. It's a long story."
"I'm sorry."
Tina shrugged and turned back to the painting. "You know, I'm starting to feel a little intimidated about showing you my work. All of your stuff is so good."
"Oh, no. Don't feel that way. I bet your stuff is amazing," Kara said.
"Would you like to see?"
"Please."
They went over to Kara's bed and sat down. Kara watched a little impatiently as Tina opened her portfolio, but it was worth the wait. The first painting on the top of the stack was a portrait of a stoutly built woman, done in an impressionist style reminiscent of Monet or Van Gogh. The colors were bright and vivid, a blue jacket over a pink blouse, hair shot through with streaks of candy apple red, and eyes a vivid green.
"That's my mom," Tina said.
"It's beautiful."
"Not as good as yours."
"It is," Kara said. "The style is different. More impressionistic that the sort of hyperrealism I do, but this is amazing work. You should be proud of this."
Tina blushed, and moved the painting so Kara could see the next one, and then the next one. Kara looked at each painting, and she could see the obvious influences.
"You like Frida Kahlo," Kara said.
"Does it show?" Tina asked.
"The composition and some of the subject matter," Kara said.
"I love her work. It's so raw. She just put what she was feeling onto the canvas. I wish I could be that brave."
Kara looked down at the last painting, a picture of Tina and her mother sitting at the table eating. There was a third chair at the end of the table with a place set, but no one there, just the silhouette of a woman left completely bare of paint. She reached out and tapped the edge of the canvas board.
"I think you are," Kara said. "The negative space here says everything. The hole the person left inside you, the empty space they left in your life, the way every moment in your life feels unfinished because they aren't there to be a part of it. It might not be the way Frida would have done it, but you put your truth and your pain on the page, just as clearly as she does. You may be afraid, but I don't think you lack bravery."
Tina blushed again and gave Kara a shy smile. "You know, I didn't know what you expect when I sat down yesterday. I just, I remember how hard it was when I first came out, and I didn't want you to feel as alone as I did. I didn't expect to find someone who understands me so well."
Kara looked down at the painting again, feeling her own cheeks heat up. "I… um…"
Kara felt a light touch on her cheek, and turned to see Tina leaning in. She stopped close enough that Kara could feel Tina's breath on her lips.
"Can I kiss you?" Tina asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Kara stared at her for a moment, thoughts running at superspeed as she felt herself pulled in two different directions. Part of her screamed 'no', that she couldn't do this, that she'd been promised to Alex and Alex had been promised to her, and that kissing Tina would be a horrible betrayal. Part of her, the more realistic part, knew that no matter how many sketchbooks she filled, no matter how many times she drew Alex with that bonding bracelet, it would never be a reality, that Clark had never intended to promise Alex to her, and that Alex didn't know she'd been promised, and wouldn't want Kara if she did. That part of her said that Tina was here, Tina was real, and Tina might be the first step in moving past the perpetual heartbreak that came from pining after Alex. That part of her won out, in the end, and she nodded as she licked her lips.
"Yes," Kara whispered.
Tina closed the last little distance between them, coving Kara's lips with her own. The kiss was soft and gentle. Tina's hand curled around the back of Kara's neck and pulled her in, and Kara moaned slightly as she felt Tina's tongue slide over her lips. She opened her mouth, granting Tina access, and Tina wasted no time deepening the kiss. She slid forward, until her and Kara's bodies were pressed together, and Tina's other hand came to rest on her hip.
Kara lost herself in the kiss, savoring every touch, every sensation. Tina's lips tasted of cherry lip gloss, her tongue was rough in Kara's mouth, but her lips were soft and her hands were firm and her hair smelled of peppermint, and she made the softest little whimper when Kara ran a hand up her side.
Kara could have stayed there all day, lost in the heady mix of hormones and the rush of someone wanting her, but a strangled noise made them both pull apart, and Kara turned to see Alex standing in the door of their bedroom with a stricken look on her face.
"Alex?" Kara asked, but Alex didn't answer.
Alex sat on the couch in the den, trying to tamp down on her feelings. She'd managed to stop crying before Kara had gotten home the day before and had actually managed to get some sleep that night. It hadn't been the most peaceful night's sleep, but it had been enough to let her be reasonably functional today. It had been enough that she's been able to get her shit together, to push down her feelings, to tell herself, over and over again, that Kara was her sister.
Then Kara had asked if it was okay if she had a friend over to see some of her artwork. That wouldn't have been a big deal, but Alex had asked who the friend was, and Kara had told her in was Tina Lupo. The head cheerleader. The not so secretly gay head cheerleader.
It was like everything Alex had been afraid of after she found out Kara liked girls was happening. She knew she shouldn't be surprised about it. Kara was amazing. Smart, kind, beautiful, strong. And now that everyone in school knew she was gay it shouldn't come as a surprise that girls were approaching her.
She just thought she would have more time to figure out how to cope.
Alex had forced herself to smile and pretend like nothing was wrong. She wasn't sure if Kara had bought it, but she hadn't said anything, and Alex had just headed upstairs and put in a DVD, figuring a little mindless violence would distract her. She picked Aliens, because Kara knew it was something Alex watched when she needed to unwind, but Kara hated it. Even though it was more action than horror, the two times they'd watched it, Kara had spent the whole movie hiding her face in Alex's shoulder asking if it was over yet. She thought it would be a good way to give herself some time alone, but it turned out to be a bad choice because Newt always reminded Alex a little of Kara. A little girl who was the sole survivor of her entire world.
She left it on, because it wasn't like there was much chance she was going to think of anything other than the fact that Kara had a date. And not just any date, either. No, Kara had to go and get a date with the head cheerleader. Tina Lupo had never really been a part of Alex's social circle, but everybody at Midvale High knew who she was. Gorgeous dirty blonde hair, muscles that made Alex jealous, and curves that belonged in a Victoria's Secret catalog, and a brain that had her in the running for Valedictorian. Oh, and she was apparently into art.
Alex shook her head and tried to focus on the movie. Usually watching Ripley mow down aliens with a pulse rifle was right up her alley, but it just couldn't seem to hold her attention this time. Especially not when the doorbell rang, and a couple of minutes later she heard Kara leading someone up the stairs.
"Hey, Alex," Kara said as they reached the top of the stairs. "This is Tina Lupo. Tina, this is Alex."
"Hey," Tina said.
"Hey," Alex replied without looking away from the TV. She knew it was rude, but even saying that much made her stomach twist into knots. She wasn't sure she could handle seeing Kara and Tina together.
Fortunately, Kara didn't make an issue of it. She just led Tina back towards the workroom where Kara's easel was set up and her paintings were stored, and Alex went back to staring blankly at the TV as Ripley raced for the dropship while the Alien queen chased her.
She tried to pay attention to the rest of the movie, but it was useless. Not even Ripley in the power loader could distract her from thinking about what was going on down the hall. She could see it, clear as day. Tina gushing over how amazing Kara's art is, and how smart Kara is, and how brave and strong she is. Kara would blush and look way and give that awkward laugh she always does when someone compliments her and…
Alex closed her eyes, trying to get the image of what would come next out of her head, but it was no good. When she heard the music that played over the credits of the movie start, she took the DVD out, turned off the TV and headed for her bedroom, thinking maybe getting started on her homework would be enough of a distraction.
She felt a rush of anger when she saw that the door to the workroom was closed and turned to head into her and Kara's bedroom. What she saw there was like a punch to the gut. Kara and Tina were sitting on Kara's bed, kissing each other, and Kara's hand was sliding up Tina's side towards her breast. It took Alex a second to realize that the strangled sound that filled the room and made them jump apart had come from her.
"Alex?" Kara called, but she didn't answer. She couldn't. If she opened her mouth, she was going to be sick. Instead, she turned and headed for the stairs.