Alex headed down the path leading to the beach, trying her best not to cry. She could barely see where she was going, navigating more by memory that by sight. She kept blinking, trying to ease the stinging in her eyes, and trying desperately to not throw up. She'd told herself over and over again that Kara was her sister, that she couldn't feel this way. She couldn't be jealous if Kara got a girlfriend. She couldn't hate Kara's girlfriend. Kara had every right to be happy. Kara had every right to kiss cheerleaders and be happy.

Alex knew that. Alex had been trying to tell herself that for almost a week but seeing Kara kiss Tina hurt so much she didn't have words to describe it. It felt like an elephant was standing on her chest. She couldn't breath and the whole world was started to go dark around the edges.

Unable to go any further Alex dropped down on the sand, sitting just above the high tide line. She reached up, rubbing her sternum, trying to ease the unbearable ache in her chest. She shook her head, trying to banish the image of Kara kissing Tina from her head, but she couldn't. It just kept playing over and over again. The noise Tina made as Kara's hand slipped up towards her breast. The low moan from Kara as Tina leaned in. The way her stomach heaved and her vision swam and the rage boiled up inside her telling her to tear Tina away from Kara and beat the life out of her, and the crushing sense of worthlessness, of never being wanted, never being enough, never getting to keep anything that mattered to her.

Kara. She loved Kara. She wanted Kara. She wanted to be the one to feel Kara's hands on her, and to touch Kara in return. She wanted to be the one who kissed Kara, who held Kara, who fell asleep next to Kara every night and woke up next to her every morning. She wanted to hold Kara's hand, and make her laugh and smile, to make her happy and keep her safe and warm. She wanted Kara to be hers. Just hers and no one else's.

She knew it was wrong, Kara was supposed to be her sister, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't stop herself from feeling this way. Maybe if she'd had more time to adjust, to get used to the idea of Kara dating girls, it wouldn't have hurt so much. Maybe if it had happened while she was away at college next year, it would have been easier to process. She could have gotten used to the idea before she saw it with her own eyes. But none of that happened, and it hurt so much she wasn't sure how she would survive it.

"Alex?"

She flinched at the sound of Kara's voice, cursing the universe, because of course Kara followed her. Of course she couldn't even suffer in peace.

"Go back to your date," Alex said, practically choking on the words.

"Are you okay?" Kara asked

"I'm fine."

"You're crying."

Alex reached up and wiped the tears she hadn't realized were falling from her face. "I'm feeling a little off. I didn't mean to interrupt. I just wanted to lay down."

"We can let you have the room," Kara said.

"It's fine, Kara. I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

She can feel Kara staring at her and she knows Kara doesn't believe her, but thankfully, Kara lets it go.

"If you need me, just call," Kara said and Alex can hear the hurt and confusion in her voice, which somehow makes her feel even worse than she already did. She wants nothing more than to invite Kara to sit next to her, to wrap her arms around Kara and never let go, but Kara's got a date, maybe a girlfriend, and Alex can't take being second best in this, not when she's already second best in everything else in her life. Kara had always been the one person who made Alex feel like she came in first, and now, that was gone, so she didn't say anything when Kara turned and headed back towards the house.

Kara headed back up to the house, trying her best not to cry. She'd been having such a good day, but now she was angry and frustrated. Something had been off with Alex ever since Alex had found out she liked girls, and if she was honest, it was starting to piss her off. Worse, it was making her miss Krypton. If she was at home, none of this would have been an issue. Her father would have already made a match for her and submitted it to the Matricomp for approval. If she was back home, she'd be betrothed to Thara, and she wouldn't have to wonder if the people she cared about had a problem with it.

She wished Alex would just be honest with her and tell her what was going on. The irony wasn't lost on her. She was keeping something huge from Alex. The difference was that she wasn't keeping a secret that was destroying their relationship.

The worst part was, she was sure she knew what it was. Alex had said she didn't have any problem with the fact that Kara liked girls, preferred girls, in fact, but she'd been acting different ever since she found out. It wasn't hard to put together. Alex wasn't comfortable with Kara's sexuality. Kara thought she was trying to be, or maybe she was just worried Eliza would yell at her if she wasn't, but nothing else had changed, and suddenly Alex was avoiding her, and ruining her chance at maybe getting a girlfriend.

Ruining her chance at maybe getting over her misplaced feelings for Alex. Something which was doubly important now that she knew how uncomfortable it would make Alex. And Great Rao, did that ever hurt. To know that not only would Alex not want to be her bond mate, but that even the idea that Kara might want to be with a girl was enough to make Alex act this way.

She wanted to call Clark and yell and scream at him for what he'd done to her, but worse that that, for the first time since Kenny, she wanted to call him and beg him to come get her, to take her back to Metropolis.

She reached the house, and headed upstairs, not sure what to say to Tina. Part of her wanted to just go back to kissing her like Alex had never interrupted them. To just lose herself in the heady feeling of wanting and being wanted in return. To let Tina's hands wander where they wanted, and see where it took them.

She knew she couldn't do that. Tina was nice and sweet and smart and kind and she deserved better than to be used as a way to distract herself from what was happening with Alex. Krypton might be gone, but Kara was still Kryptonian, still a scion of the House of El. She would treat any mate, or any potential mate with the respect and dignity they deserved.

She took a deep breath, mentally preparing an apology as she walked down the hall leading to her and Alex's bedroom, and preparing to ask if maybe they could go on a real date sometime, but all her planning went out the window when she stepped in the room, and saw Tina sitting on the bed, flipping through her sketchbook.

"What are you doing?" Kara asked, fighting the urge to rush across the room at super speed and yank the sketchbook out of Tina's hand.

Tina looked up from the sketch book, and Kara had trouble understanding the look on her face. If she had to hazard a guess, maybe disappointment, but she didn't really know Tina enough to say for sure. Tina patted the bed beside her.

"Come sit with me," she said, her voice soft and gentle.

Kara walked across the room, her heart hammering in her chest. No matter how often she daydreamed of showing those sketchbooks to Alex, of telling her the truth, the reality was, no one was ever supposed to see inside them. No one was ever supposed to know the feelings she put on those pages, but Tina was there, looking at them, and Kara was sure she understood what she was seeing.

"I'm sorry," Tina said once Kara had sat down next to her. "I just wanted to see a bit more of your art while I waited. I didn't realize they were private."

"But you kept looking," Kara said, trying to keep the humiliation she felt out of her voice.

"I did. I wanted to be sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing."

"Look, I don't know what you think-"

"Kara," Tina said as she reached out and covered Kara's hand with her own. "It's okay. I won't tell anyone."

Kara looked down, trying to swallow the lump forming in her throat.

"You want to talk about it?"

Kara shook her head.

"You sure? It might help, and I'm guessing you've never talked about it before."

Kara looked up at Tina, who was staring back at her, waiting patiently.

"You won't tell anyone?" Kara asked.

"Not a word."

Kara looked down at the sketchbook, at a charcoal sketch of Alex sitting on one of the couches out on the deck, with Streaky curled up in her lap. She thought of all the times she wanted to say something, to tell Alex how she felt, and didn't. She thought about all the times she wanted to talk about it but didn't have anyone to talk to. She thought of Kenny, of the person she was so afraid to tell her secret, but who had kept it anyway, and of what it would feel like to be honest for once. To not have to hide anything.

"You promise you won't tell anybody?" Kara asked, taking care to listen to Tina's heartbeat.

"I promise," Tina said. "Whatever you tell me, I'll take to my grave."

Kara stared at her for a moment. She was sure Tina wasn't lying, but on the other hand, this was a big secret.

"What do you know about aliens?"

Tina's eyes got wide, and she looked a little confused. "What most people know, I guess. They exist. Some are good, like Superman, some are bad, like Brainiac. There are probably a lot more of them on Earth than the government lets on."

"And how would you feel if you met an alien?"

Tina shrugged. "They're just people, right? Good, bad. It would depend on the alien."

Kara nodded and looked down at the sketch book.

"When I came to live with the Danvers, I'd been on Earth for five days. I spoke a bit of English, but I wasn't really fluent yet. I have a relative here. He's from the same planet as me, but he grew up on Earth. He didn't really speak our language fluently. He tried, but he'd learned it out of books and off recordings. When he brought me here, I was hurt and confused that he wasn't going to take me in, but I didn't really understand what was happening. I thought he was just following tradition.

"On my world, I was of age for a betrothal, and it's a common practice for one of a betrothed pair to go and live with the other if something happens to their family. He told me I was going to join the Danvers family, but he used the wrong word, and I thought…"

Kara swallowed and looked away.

"You thought you were going to marry Alex," Tina said.

Kara nodded. "I knew Alex was unhappy about me being here, but I thought she just wasn't happen about the betrothal, that she'd wanted a more advantageous match. I didn't have anything to offer, not really. My family was dead, our fortune and property gone. I only had one relative, and he could barely support himself. But even if she wasn't happy about it, she was kind to me. She helped me learn English, and she held me when I cried, crawled into bed with me when I had nightmares and soothed me back to sleep. She took care of me, protected me, taught me. She did everything that a betrothed was supposed to do.

"I was so lost in my grief that it was almost eight months before I realized the mistake. Eight months I spent thinking Alex was going to be my bondmate. My wife.

"Maybe if I had realized sooner, it would have been easier, but I didn't, and by the time I did…"

"You were already in love with her."

Kara didn't answer. She just nodded.

Tina squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry," she said.

Kara sighed, and looked at the sketchbook. "I think part of me has been holding out hope. The bracelet on her wrist in all the drawings… That's how my people signified a marriage. I think that's the reason I waited so long to tell her I liked girls. I thought if she didn't know, then it wasn't really a rejection, but now she does know, and I don't think she's okay with it."

"Then she doesn't deserve you," Tina said. She lifted Kara's hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. "Can I give you some advice?"

Kara looked up at her. "Sure."

"Tell her."

"What?"

"Tell her what happened. Tell her how you feel. I know it's scary, but you're never going to get past this until you know for sure, and until you tell her, there will always be that little doubt in your head."

"You really think it would help?"

"I do," Tina said. "I think honesty is almost always better than lies."

Kara looked down at the sketchbook, at the sketch of Alex and Streaky, at the bracelet on Alex's wrist. The sketch of the future she wanted, with Alex as her bondmate.

"I'm not sure I can do it."

"You can." She reached out and tapped the sketchbook. "You're braver than you give yourself credit for. The way you put your truth on the page. Frida would be impressed. Of course, she'd also try to talk you and Alex into a threesome."

Kara laughed, and Tina smiled at her and lifted Kara's hand up to her mouth, pressing a kiss to Kara's knuckles.

"If she's an idiot, and tells you know, then come find me. I'm not to proud to be your rebound girl."

"I'll keep that in mind, but do you think, in the meantime, we could still be friends?"

"I'd like that," Tina said.