Chapter 10.
Mike kept sleeping and Harvey eventually dared to remove his hand from the kid's. He needed to stretch a bit. He realized that he wouldn't get much sleep tonight. He had promised Mike that he would stay here the entire night. He was going to keep that promise.
Mike slept for almost ten hours without waking up. It must do him good. He slept through a doctor's visit and a visit from a nurse early in the morning. They thought it best to let him sleep. Harvey managed to get a few hours in the chair. His neck hurt when he woke up again.
Mike had slept calmly most of the night. Around three in the morning he must have had a nightmare though because he had started to trash around on the bed and had let out a whimpering sound that cut into Harvey. He hadn't known what to do but Mike had calmed down again without waking up.
When he did wake up though it was in a panic. Harvey almost fell out of his chair from the surprise of Mike suddenly sitting up in bed and letting out a yelp. He looked around him bewildered, grasping the sheets tightly in his hands. His panicked eyes met Harvey's.
Harvey raised both of his hands in what he hoped was a calming gesture.
"It's okay Mike. You are okay." He said.
"Harvey? What…? Where…?"
"We're in the hospital. Everything is fine." Harvey told him.
Mike stared at him for a moment before looking around the room again. He nodded a little and sank back down on the bed. He pulled the blanket higher up and held on to it with both hands. He didn't say anything.
"Are you doing okay?" Harvey asked.
Mike nodded a little but still didn't speak. It wasn't like him. Harvey waited a bit debating on what to say next.
"I want to eat something. Can you ask them if I can have something to eat?" Mike said before he figured something out.
"Yeah, of course. I can ask them. They probably want to come and check on you now that you are awake."
Mike swallowed and nodded. "I just want something to eat. Harvey, please."
Harvey looked at the younger man. Mike didn't meet his eyes and he had just pleaded with him. He was clearly not alright. He stood up and went to see if he could get a nurse over. He found one and asked for food for Mike. She promised to come with it as soon as possible.
Mike looked like he was on the verge of tears when Harvey came back to his room.
"Something wrong?" He asked. Mike just shook his head.
Mike was so hungry that it hurt. It was all he could think of right now. He didn't understand why no one had given him anything sooner. He hadn't eaten in four days or something like that.
He had felt uneasy as soon as Harvey left the room. Close to scared, not that he would tell anyone that. He studied his arms to distract himself. They were bandaged. They didn't hurt though, but his shoulder felt sore. He carefully pulled the fabric away to look at his stomach as well. He had nasty bruises there. He managed to cover himself up again before Harvey got back.
"Did you find someone?" He asked now.
"Yes, they are bringing you something."
"When?"
"I don't know. Now I guess."
"I didn't get anything yesterday, Harvey. But I'm fine now. I just want to eat. I'm really hungry. I haven't eaten in four days!"
"Mike calm down. I think that what those are for." Harvey pointed at the IV. Mike stared at it as if it was the first time, he saw it. He didn't say anything else, instead he curled up on his side, facing the door.
Mike didn't have the energy to argue with Harvey. He didn't want them to have a fight. He felt a bit nauseated. His arms came in full view to him now. He didn't want to look at them, but he didn't want to move them, but he also didn't want to close his eyes. He felt like crap.
He had dreamed so much about this moment while he had been captured, but now when he was in it, he just felt wrong. He did not know what to say or how to act. He just wanted to get something to eat and then leave this place.
Harvey was looking at his phone next to him. He probably wanted to leave to. He had stayed the whole night with him, after he had embarrassed himself and asked him to stay. He still didn't want Harvey to leave though. He didn't want to be here alone.
"Mike, Donna is asking if she can come over? Shall I tell her yes?"
"Yeah." Mike answered and suddenly intently missed her. He wanted her there immediately. He didn't want to wait for things.
"Fifteen minutes then, kid." Harvey smiled. "Apparently she is already on her way."
Mike nodded. He then jerked when the door opened. A nurse was there with a tray of food. Mike sat up at once. Finally, some good things were happening. He got a little disappointed when it was a bowl of yogurt and some bread, but it was better than nothing. They wanted him to start off lightly.
"Take it easy." Harvey said as soon as he started eating. Mike wanted to tell him to shut up.
It was wonderful. The best yoghurt he had ever had. The bread was awesome too.
"Mike, slow down. You are going to suffocate." Harvey said.
"Four days, Harvey!" He exclaimed between spoons.
Harvey nodded then. "Yeah, I'm sorry."
Mike put the spoon down for a second then and looked at him. Harvey had a pained expression on his face. Mike shrugged a bit.
"It's okay Harvey." He said.
"No, it's not Mike. I know you have been through hell these past few days. And I also know it's all because of me. I'm so damn sorry about that. I wish they would have gone after me instead of you."
Mike didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he agreed or not. Did he wish they would have taken Harvey instead? While he had been captured that thought had never crossed his mind. Never had he wished for someone else to take his place. He had just wished for them to save him.
"It was awful Harvey." He said eventually. "But I never wished for you to take my place."
"I know you didn't kid. That's not who you are. But I wished for it."
Mike hesitated a little. "Look Harvey, it happened. I'm just glad you got me out of it. That you paid."
Harvey swallowed and nodded. "Of course, kid."
Mike smiled then and continued to gulf down the rest of the meal.
Mike had just finished his meal when it knocked on the door. He felt slightly better now, although he wished it had been more. He didn't want to ask Harvey again. He jerked at the knock and looked bewildered towards Harvey, who just walked over to the door and opened it. It was Donna. A sudden, intense longing came over him as soon as he saw her. Somehow it felt just like it had felt on that floor, when he had wished for Donna to come and save him. He wanted to reach out for her, but he just sat there looking at her. But she knew.
"Oh Mike!" She rushed towards him and sat down on the edge of his bed. She reached out a hand and let it trace along his bruised cheek and then down along his throat lightly touching his bandage.
"Oh sweetheart." She mumbled and he saw how her eyes teared up. "Come here." She pulled him against her, and he let her do it. He hugged her back hard and then just leaned into her embrace. For the first time since he had woken up, he felt better. He felt safer, more normal. He relished in the moment and didn't want it to end. But Donna soon started to pull away. Mike didn't want to let go. He wasn't ready. Against his will his eyes started to tear up when she pushed herself away from him. It was like he had been standing safely on the ground next to a cliff and when she let him go, he started falling. He wanted to scream.
Instead he just sat there stiffly and tried to keep his eyes dry as Donna smiled towards him and stood up. Why was he feeling like this? He didn't feel like himself. His eyes flooded over when he blinked and both Harvey and Donna saw it.
"Oh honey…" Donna said and held out a tissue. He didn't take it. He looked away from them, almost wanting to turn his back at them. But he was afraid that they would leave then, so he didn't do that. He wished that they would do something so that he didn't have to decide on how to act. He felt humiliation seep into him now. He was tense.
"Mike?" Donna sat down on the edge of his bed again, so close that he could touch her if he wanted to. "What can we do? Harvey and I want to help."
He didn't know what to answer. When he blinked, he felt how a tear started running down his check. The bandage over his throat stopped it. He wished that she would hug him again, that was what he wanted. Why couldn't she just do that? Another tear trailed down his other cheek.
He shuttered when she reached out a hand and put it on his shoulder. He saw how she exchanged a look with Harvey. He didn't want her to remove it, but he also noticed that he had started to shake.
"You want to lay down?" She asked him next. He didn't know what to say but she said then that she would help him. He laid down on his back and she straightened out the blanket over him.
She sat down on a chair close to him and then carefully took his hand in hers. It surprised him somewhat, but he was grateful as well. He held on to it hard, and she stroked his arm a little, careful as to not touch the bandaged areas.
"I'm so sorry you have to go through this Mike." She said. "I was so worried this entire time. We all were."
"Yeah." He whispered, just to answer something. He closed his eyes to not have to meet their eyes. Why did he have to feel like this now? Why couldn't he just feel good now when it was over, instead he felt almost as bad as he done there, just different bad.
He held on harder to Donna's hand. He was so afraid that she would leave again. It was irrational, she had just gotten here, but he couldn't help it.
"Are you tired? Do you want to get some sleep?" Donna whispered after a couple of minutes. They had all remained silent during that time. Mike opened his eyes and looked at her then. He wasn't that tired that he wanted to sleep. Or he wouldn't mind sleeping either, then he wouldn't have to deal with stuff. But he shook his head now. He didn't want them to leave. If he was sleeping, they probably would, because what else should they do? Just sit there as he slept? They wouldn't do that.
"I don't want to sleep." He told her and squeezed her hand a little. She smiled at him and squeezed it back.
"Okay then." She said. "What do you think about us sending Harvey for some coffee? Or maybe something else for you, maybe you would like some juice instead. I don't know if you should have coffee yet."
"I'm not sick." He said.
"I know, you are right. Three cups of coffee then, Harvey."
"Why do I have to go?" Harvey grumbled, but he stood up anyway. "Do you want something else as well?" He asked Mike. "I'll get you anything you want."
Mike just stared at him. "Some-something to eat?" He got out.
Harvey smirked. "Sure." Then he left.
"I thought they fed you already." Donna said.
"I want more." Mike said. He felt pathetic. He knew they were trying to cheer him up and to make him feel better. But it wasn't working, and he couldn't get himself to play along.
"Have you been treated well here? That nurse I met in the hallway seemed nice."
"Yeah, sure. They are nice." Mike said not adding that he hadn't looked anyone of the nurses in their eyes and had no idea who she was talking about. Donna started telling him about one of the nurses she had met when she was a teenager and her grandmother had been hospitalized. He appreciated what she was doing. She kept talking about other things, none-important things, simple things. Things that had nothing to do with what had happened, and he loved her for it. It made him feel more normal.
Harvey came back with three cups of coffee, juice and three muffins. He had been gone rather long and Mike had started to notice it. He felt relieved when the older man barged into the room without knocking and putting everything down on the little table that could be pushed over Mike's bed.
"I met your doctor outside. He didn't think coffee was a good idea, so I bought this as well." He mentioned for the juice. Mike had to agree with his doctor, the thought of coffee made him a little queasy, but it was nice to just sit there and hold on to the warm cup. He finished the muffin before both of the others, so Donna offered him half of hers as well. He took it. He wasn't that hungry anymore, but it just felt good to eat and just because he could.
Some time after that Donna stood up and said that she would head back to the office. She said that she would tell everyone that he was doing better. Harvey stayed though, much to Mike's relief. He wished Donna could have stayed as well but he didn't say anything. A doctor came by just after she left and wanted to talk to him. Harvey stepped out for a moment then. He said that he would wait outside.
The doctor talked through all of his injuries with him and told him what he needed to do and watch out for. He needed a lot of rest for his concussion, needed to change the bandages on his arms twice a day and a few other things. She also told him about counseling that she recommended for him. He just sat in silence and listened. Counseling for the terrible ordeal he had been through, she said. Did he need that right now? He had only been once when he was eleven and his parents had died. He hadn't wanted to go but his grandmother had insisted. He had gone only to please her, but had been straight-out rude to the older woman tasked with working with him. It had been a disaster and he only had to go three times, after that his grandmother never brought it up again. He had been so angry and sad then. Now he felt something else, and he would rather not go deeper into that feeling at the moment.
Harvey came back into the room when the doctor left. He must have been waiting right outside. Harvey sat down on the chair next to him.
"I got a call Mike." He said. "The police is on their way to take your statement. Is that okay?"
Mike closed his eyes for a bit. Oh god. He would have to tell them everything. He dreaded it but knew that he had to do it sooner or later.
"Yeah… I guess."
Harvey studied him. Mike was sitting up on the bed with his knees up and a blanket around him. He was hugging his knees close to him. The bandages on both his arms were clearly visible. He didn't look thrilled at all at the thought of talking to the police. He had still agreed.
"Do you want me present while they are here?" Harvey asked him.
Mike blinked slowly a few times and then nodded. He looked away again.
"Okay." Harvey said and sat down.
Mike felt tired and anxious. He wanted all of this done with. He wished he could go home. He glanced towards Harvey. The older man met his eyes and smiled. Mike looked away again. He wasn't sure if he wanted Harvey to hear everything he had to tell, but on the other hand he wasn't sure he would be able to face it without him there either.
The police showed up about fifteen minutes later. It was two older guys in suits. They shook his hand and then Harvey's, they also showed them their badges. They explained how the questioning would go. Basically, they just wanted him to tell them what happened and then they might ask additional questions. They would record it as well. Mike nodded that he understood. His heart was beating hard in his chest and he felt all shaky. His mouth was dry. He wished he could have a glass of water. He looked at Harvey and wondered if he maybe could ask him.
"Harvey?" He quietly said. He didn't hear him. He bit his tongue hard.
"Did you want to say something?" The older policeman said.
Mike swallowed hard and felt like shit. He shook his head.
"Mike, it's fine. What is it?" Harvey asked. "Guys, do mind giving us a minute?" He said next. The policemen complied and left the room again.
Harvey surprised Mike but getting up and then sitting down on his bed. He grabbed hold of Mike's shoulder.
"Mike, if you don't feel up for this, we can do it later. I'll make them leave."
"No, it's fine. I just want to get it over with."
"But kid, you are shaking." Harvey said and squeezed his shoulder.
Mike felt how he blushed and squirmed a bit so that Harvey let him go.
"I'm fine." He said. "Can I just have some water? Then we can start, okay. I want to get over with it." Harvey pursed his lips a little but nodded.
Harvey walked out in the hallway to get Mike a glass of water. The policemen were waiting just outside. "He's ready." Harvey told them.
Mike didn't stop shaking and he held on to the glass of water with both hands. Harvey saw how the water rippled in the glass.
"Whenever you are ready, just start telling us what happened from the beginning."
"From when they took me?" Mike asked.
"Yes."
"Okay." Mike swallowed hard and then he started. He told them about how he was approached by those men outside his apartment, him trying to escape, failing. The car ride with a gun pointed at him, arriving at the location he was held. How they tied him up, questioned him, left him there. He told them about the men coming back and tying him again. He told them about the time that followed, how they treated him, hurt him. He left some things out though. He just couldn't tell them everything. He couldn't tell them about the humiliation, the fear he had felt. He didn't tell them about the night when the guy had come. He just couldn't. He started shaking so bad when he approached that night that they asked if he wanted to take a break. He declined and said that he just wanted to get it over with. He saw how the others looked at each other and he wanted to disappear. He told the rest rather hastily, not like the first part, but no one said anything.
It was painful for Harvey to listen to Mike's account of what had happened to him. Several times he had to stop himself from interrupting, he wanted to stop the whole thing. Mike's voice was low but steady, but the longer he spoke the more it changed. He stuttered, searched for words and hesitated. He didn't meet anyone's eyes during the whole time he spoke, instead he kept his eyes fixed at a spot on the wall in front of him.
One of the policemen gently asked if Mike wanted to take a break when they all saw that Mike started shaking even more than before. He had a tight grip on the blanket and Harvey saw how he now pressed his hands toward his chest.
Mike didn't want to stop though. He kept going, however Harvey noticed something different with his telling, it wasn't as detailed as before and a bit more rushed. Harvey knew that Mike was leaving something out, or he was lying. It didn't make sense though, and a uncomfortable feeling placed itself inside of Harvey. Why would he lie or what was he leaving out?
It was painful to sit there and listen to what Mike was saying. Harvey wished he could leave, but then he felt ashamed of it. Then guilty. He was the reason. He wanted to tell Mike that, he wished Mike would be angry instead of this. Mike was deeply affected, deeply hurt. It was Harvey's fault. He would have been fine to be on the receiving end of Mike's anger. But that wasn't the case now.
Mike had been through so much worse than Harvey had imagined. He had been bound the entire time, been starved and humiliated. Now he sat in front of Harvey and relived the whole thing. Mike with his memory. Poor kid. This was so bad.
Eventually Mike was done. The policemen asked him a few follow up questions, and then thanked him, told him he had done excellent.
"If everyone gave statements like yours out job would be so much easier." One of them said. The other reassured Mike that they would do everything in their power to find the people who did this to him. They shook Mike's hand again and then Harvey's. Then they left after telling Mike that they would have him set up with a sketch artist at a later time.
As soon as the door closed behind them Mike fell backward on the pillows and pulled the blanket up almost covering his face.
"You okay?" Harvey asked.
"What do you think?" Mike mumbled.
"You want to be alone for a bit?" Harvey felt ashamed as soon he asked, it wasn't just for Mike's benefit he asked.
Mike stayed quiet for a long time but then he almost unnoticeably shook his head.
"Okay." Harvey said and remained where he was. A while they were in silence. Mike didn't move, Harvey couldn't see his face clearly.
"Mike. I'm so sorry this happened to you." Harvey started. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. Thank you for letting me know about it."
Mike was yet again quiet for a long time. Harvey waited.
"I didn't tell them everything." Mike said then.
"Okay…" Harvey felt surprised by that statement, what did Mike want him to do with that information? What did he leave out?
"How come?" He asked when Mike didn't say anything else.
"I couldn't. I didn't want to."
"Do you want to tell me?" Harvey carefully asked.
Mike looked up at him briefly but shook his head. He didn't want to talk anymore, and he didn't know why he had said that to Harvey. It had been stupid. He felt tired and sad. He wanted to sleep but wasn't sure if Harvey was going to stay or not, so he couldn't relax fully. He wanted to ask Harvey if he was leaving or not, but he didn't know how to do it. It felt too pathetic.
It had been awful to relive everything he had been through, and to do it to complete strangers and to Harvey. If he had been feeling a bit better, he would have sent Harvey away, but right now he didn't want to do it himself. And in some ways, it felt good that Harvey knew what he had been through. At least he was done with it now and wouldn't need to tell it all again. Maybe he could start to put it all behind him now.
-SUITS-