Would You Still Love Me

He loomed over the tome in his hands. Even his magic was wearing. It had been, after his episode a hundred years ago. He had tried desperately to get rid of the immortality he was "gifted" wanting it to end. Centuries after centuries past. His friends would be reincarnated every once in a while. He'd seen Gwen a couple of times. The knights of the round table popped up, a few times in pairs, or sometimes alternating who would show up. Arthur never showed. He'd been alive for a thousand and some odd hundred years, and Arthur never showed. Gradually he had allowed himself to age, and stayed an old man for some time. Morgana... Morgana always seemed to find him. Her first reincarnation had remembered her previous life rapidly and tried to kill him multiple times in revenge until she died. A few other times, she gradually remembered and as she did she began to resent him. The following incarnations weren't as bloodthirsty as the first two. Once, he found her and she was a scared little girl afraid of her magic, only she had been killed on accounts of witchcraft before they could run away. It had been her last incarnation that had done it for him...

His magical core kept a youthful appearance on the condition that his magic was fading. The world had shifted so much since the Great War, that he could feel the magic recede. Aithusa had given birth to a dragon egg before she passed with her magic leaving her. He wished that some incarnation of Morgana had been around when it had happened.

This was the first time in a hundred years that he had tried to conjure anything with his magic. Every once in a while he could do small things. It had been the girl in his guest room that had convinced him to try again. A flame in the shape of a dragon formed. Then he heard a familiar scream and the flame went out. He ran into the next room and turned on the light. Morgana was sitting up in the bed holding the sheets close to her as she cried. He sat on the edge of the bed and she threw her arms around him continuing to sob. He ran his hand down her hair in an effort to calm her. Gwen would have helped better. Her breath started to become shaky as she pulled away from him. She pushed away the tears with the bottom of her palm.

"Sorry. I... I have nightmares, sometimes," she said.

"What was it about?" he asked.

Her hand fell into his.

"I dreamt that you killed me. A sword through my stomach and you didn't... you didn't care that you were," she choked out.

She looked at him with pleading eyes. He felt himself tense.

"Sounds intense," he said.

"But you wouldn't... Nevermind, it's just my subconscious not recovering from the death of Daenerys," she said. It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself.

"Daenerys?"

"Game of Thrones? The finale just happened Sunday?"

"Oh... oh right."

He much preferred radio to television if he was being honest.

"Have you even gone to bed yet?" she asked, her eyes widening as she noticed he was still wearing his day clothes.

"Erm, no," he said. "Bit of an insomniac."

Immortality meant he didn't have to sleep as much, but he still found it hard to go to sleep. Nightmares of his friends showed up too sometimes.

"I'll... change and try to go to sleep if it makes you happy," Merlin said.

She laid back down and he started towards the door, turning off the light.

"Come back, please," she said softly.

It had taken a while and she felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She blinked back tears. He probably hadn't even heard her and if he had, well, it was ridiculous not to mention absolutely mental to ask to share a bed with a man she had only met earlier that day. Even if it had felt like she'd known him longer. Her breathing was even and she tried to fall asleep. Then she felt the bed move and she could hear Merlin breathing. The sound was soothing enough to send her to sleep.

She woke up rested. The other side of the bed seemed like it was in order. Mordred sat on the pillow staring at her. Morgana stared at the ceiling. She could've sworn Merlin had stayed with her last night, but pinned it on him being an early riser. She found her clothes from the night before and changed. She had most of the day to get back to her own flat and change before work. Morgana put Mordred in the crook of her arm as she went downstairs, smelling coffee.

Morgause would probably say that she should just bolt out the door and never say anything to this man ever again. Besides, where was she hoping this would go? The idea of staying in the morning for breakfast with him seemed like such a foreign concept she would've taken her internal Morgause's advice. Instead, she walked into the kitchen. He stood against the counter wearing a rustic colored sweater with a book in one hand and a mug in the other. It took him a moment to notice her before he put the book down.

"I just wanted to say thank you for, your hospitality and watching Mordred for me yesterday," she forced out.

"Absolutely," he said. "Erm, would you like a coffee before you go?"

"Alright."

She let Mordred down who promptly returned to his bed of sweaters. The coffee he gave her tasted sweet but the bitterness still made an appearance and the texture was a nice frothy sort of thick without tasting dry. It put the latte's made by her usual barista to shame.

"I guess you'll be leaving after this..." Merlin said, almost sort of sad.

"I guess I will be..." she responded.

She walked around to the sink and splashed water into the empty cup.

"I suppose your little cat isn't that bad, he didn't scratch at me this morning," he said.

"Sounds like an improvement in his attitude," she said. "Do you have a notepad anywhere by chance?"

He dug around in a drawer and gave her a small notepad with a pen. She scribbled her number. Morgana stood up to crouch near Mordred. He jumped into her arms right away.

"See you round then?" she asked as he walked her to the door.

"I hope so," he said.

Morgana looked over the draft of the proposed article amendment. She typed out her notes on it, along with it's summaries. Her eyes started to droop and she went into the kitchen. The coffee was lukewarm and she wished she could make it as delightful as Merlin had. Another reread of fifty pages to make sure she had everything in order before passing it off to Morgause. It was a repulsive piece of legislation that she prayed that Morgause would veto it in the next parliament meeting. Alvarr had left two hours ago, her aid had recently left, along with the others leaving her in the office.

The door to the office opened as she sat back at her desk. Morgause came in striding.

"Morgana, we're going out," Morgause said beaming.

"I have to finish the summary on the amendment before it goes into vote in three weeks," Morgana protested.

"Me thinks you think too much. You're going to over work yourself."

"I just... I don't think this is the best thing to vote into legislation. It'll harm millions of people..."

"Morgana, if you're going to let your moral compass dictate everything than you'll never have a life and we'll never get into a position of power to actually change things."

"But it's wrong!"

Morgause sneered. She dropped it just as quickly and stepped away from the desk.

"Well, I'll be outty then if that's your stance," Morgause said.

She stayed at the office for another hour, trying to finish up the summary. Fifty pages and she'd only gotten around to outlining the first ten.

Soon enough her weeks started to become more busy. Gwen had talked her into going into Yoga classes on Sunday's with her. The proposition of the amendment had taken up most of her time. Saturday nights Merlin called her to ask about how she and Mordred were doing. She found out he had moved out of his office temp position into a position of librarian at the nearby university. This however, led to them not having more time apart with Merlin settling into his new job posting and her fighting with Morgause against the new proposed laws before the next voting session. Her nightmares however, put her off from asking Merlin to meet up with her again. It kept her from wanting to go by his apartment. The sepia bliss of a life of a Lady and adventures with Arthur and Gwen turned into cruel aberrations. Cold tones of her and Merlin trying to kill each other followed. It broke her heart always when she'd awoke.

She watched from the balcony as Morgause voted for the horrid piece. Then the next round of legislation was proposed for the fourth quarter. Four months to get summaries and documentation together. Mordred had turned into a rather lean cat as he stayed with her. Arthur had passed his naval academy training and had invited her out to dinner along with Gwen. Then he told them that the Royal Navy had taken him on, only he would be leaving to South Africa at the end of summer for six months. It shook Morgana to her core. Yes their group nights had significantly waned over the last two years, but now she missed taking the time to hang around him on the days she wasn't working herself to death for Morgause. Gwen had proposed, more so demanded, that she leave with him since they had already been in a long term relationship as well as living together. Arthur was reluctant but Gwen assured him that her low paying nanny job was less satisfying than being without him. She'd be loosing both of her friends at the end of the summer.

"Are you alright Ana?" Arthur asked her.

"I'm fine," Morgana lied, forcing a smile. "You'll have to let me help you plan everything for the trip however."

"You should've been a personal stylist, I'll need your help figuring out a wardrobe," Gwen said, holding her hand.

Arthur and Gwen had seemed so enamored with each other, planning for a new future together. She held herself in a hug walking out as Arthur put his arm around Gwen. Morgana hailed a cab.

"An address miss?" the driver asked.

"King's College library," Morgana found herself saying.

The drive was steady, with the local news station on the radio. It was late, but she knew that Merlin had the unfortunate habit of staying at the library long past it's hours. She ran out of the cab in the direction of the library. Merlin, it felt, was the one piece of her she had left in the face of catastrophic change. Her hair whipped behind her. She made a sharp turn, a smile on her face as she thought of seeing him again. The lights in the library dimmed as she saw the door open. She saw Merlin walk out in the light of the lamps. And her smile dropped from her face.

There was a girl with dark shoulder length hair in a casual outfit walking next to him. He laughed at something she said. She felt the tears start. And her fingers went through her hair and she wanted to scream. This wasn't right, this wasn't supposed to be right! She saw Merlin look at her with shock. Then the lamp lights shattered.

"I'm sorry Freya, I have to go," she heard him say.

She stumbled in the dark to the concrete bench she'd seen. Everything was falling apart.

"Morgana," she heard.

She looked up and saw Merlin reach out to hold her upper arm.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have shown up and presumed you'd be alone and now I feel awful because now I've..." she started hiccuping.

"Freya's just a colleague," he said. His tone softened, "Have you been crying?"

"I've just... had the worst night."

"Do you want to go to a bar? Or my flat? Somewhere that would make you feel safe?"

"Your flat is fine."

They walked down the stairs to the rail. Morgana sat down next to Merlin before following him off at the stop they needed. He handed her a handkerchief as they walked out. The walk wasn't very long and she sat on the couch in his loft as he made tea. If she had the energy she would've scolded herself for... whatever thoughts she'd had of Merlin and for interrupting whatever was going on between him and that girl, Freya. Instead she had the feeling that she looked as dead as she felt empty. She wasn't willing to fight herself more than she had to. He sat next to her, handing her a saucer and tea. Jasmine.

"Would you like to talk about it?" he finally said.

"Arthur's moving to South Africa with Gwen at the end of the summer. I shouldn't feel... bitter? Lost? About it. I should be happy because the navy is offering a consistent job for him after graduating. He just had the audacity to call me Ana tonight telling me about it," she rambled. "He hasn't called me that in a long time. Ana and Arthur, the twins that couldn't be separated. It was just completely our thing."

"You're a twin?"

"Fraternal. I'm two minutes older."

She took another sip of the tea.

"That's a new development," Merlin said.

"I used to be teased that I was the evil twin," she said. "I used to be an absolute demon in secondary school before I grew out of it. And then all I've ever done is try to help people who didn't have the means of helping themselves. And Morgause is... I don't even know who she is anymore, everything to benefit the rich and reject refugees. I want to be a good person, I do. I don't want to be the evil twin, or evil, and I'm..."

"Morgana..."

His hand found its way onto her shoulder and she looked at him surprised.

"I know you have a good heart, and the world is going to convince you to stoop to it's level but you could never be evil or dark," he said. "It takes strength to be a good person, and it's not always going to feel good but it's easier to sleep at night knowing you tried to help people when the rest of the world wouldn't."

"The other week, when you asked if I wanted to grab drinks with you and I said I was busy, I lied," Morgana admitted. "I was just, so afraid of being intimate with anyone that wasn't Arthur or Gwen. And then I'd had these awful nightmares that we kept trying to kill each other, and... I couldn't face that possibility."

"You could never hurt me."

"But what if I did? Would you ever still love me if I tried to leave you abandoned and powerless in a wood at the mercy of scorpions? If I raised an army of the dead and tried to kill you if you stopped me? If I killed your best friend?"

"You could do all of that and much worse and I would still love you."

The moment fell into silence. There was a desperation in his voice and his eyes were filled of remorse and hurt and loneliness of years beyond his physical age. She put the saucer and tea on the coffee table in front of them before avoiding his gaze once more. The admission of love this early on should have been a red flag, even an orange flag. She let her body fall onto his side with the ease of his presence.

He sat on the sofa as her breathing evened and longer after he realized she'd fallen asleep. Gently, he rested her head on the pillow. He looked at the large archaic radio and it started to play the station of the national orchestra. Then he went into the linen closet to grab a blanket for her. With his hand and a small spell he lowered the lights of the lower floor. He sat at the island of his kitchen with his own cup of tea pondering the nights events. He'd been careless with his choice of words and admitted to Morgana that he loved her. And he did, past lives or not, because he could see the goodness of her heart. It was naive thinking, perhaps. But if he considered any other alternative he faced the possibility of loosing her again.

Merlin considered the possibility that this Morgana had magic. When he saw her outside the library he could feel the grief and rage surrounding her just as the street lamps exploded. If this one had magic, perhaps he could teach her. If his hunch was correct, than her Arthur and Gwen were also reincarnations. Morgana being his twin was new. He wondered if the universe was trying to give a reason for Morgana to avoid trying to kill him this go around. He would be forever grateful that Mordred had reincarnated as a cat, which kept him from causing any harm. He assumed her boss was Morgause and that was dangerous. As of now he hadn't met her and as of now he was unsure if she had also developed any magical traits this lifetime. He couldn't admit to Morgana that he was afraid of her safety around Morgause, or that he was afraid that Morgause would try to manipulate her again. This time Morgana had him and he wasn't going to let her have the impression that she didn't have his support again.

If he ever was able to trigger Arthur and Gwen's memories, he wondered if they would ever be their quartet again. The loneliness sat in as he reminded himself that these were people that didn't know him and were really only echoes of a past life. He was the last relic of Camelot.

No matter how many times Morgana came back to torment him.

AN: Still laying down the ground work with this chap. Next chapter should hopefully expand from here. Let me know what you think about the sort of Merlin Perspective inclusion this chapter; I might've forced myself to hold back some here. Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter and the encouragement for trying something new. I'm hoping I can still make content that you guys can enjoy.