Authors Notes: I've written this chapter over at least three times, just wanted to make sure that I had a better idea where this was going. Also decided to update this sooner than I anticipated.

Can We Always be This Close

Morgana looked in the mirror and undid the braids in her hair revealing perfectly wavy hair. Mordred jumped onto her bed before lying down. She looked over her shoulder at him.

"Mordred, I'll come home tonight. It's just dinner with Merlin, okay?" she said.

He didn't look at her pleased. Although Merlin had started to come over more frequently the last couple of weeks, Mordred was still suspicious of him. Deep down when Mordred didn't think she was watching he was absolutely in love with Merlin's presence. With a sigh she looked at herself again. Skinny jeans and an emerald green loose top that hung off one of her shoulders. She decided to go with the red lip as she'd been going for nude lipsticks of late. There was a knock at her door. She looked at the time on her phone. Merlin was about thirty minutes early from the agreed pick up time.

Mordred followed her to the door. Her eyes widened in surprise as Morgause was in front of her instead.

"Happy to see me?" Morgause asked.

"Um, yes, I'm just... you haven't come over in a while," Morgana said.

"Yes, I'm sorry about that."

Morgause sauntered into her flat and threw her shawl on the back of a chair.

"I've come to tell you that Cenred has agreed to help us with financing our claim to the new legislation," Morgause said.

"Cenred? As in Cenred of Red Tree Industries?" Morgana questioned.

"Yes. And I'll be giving you a substantial pay raise with it since you're my most trusted advisor. Maybe you'll get an actual flat with it too."

"Morgause..."

"Yes he asked that I talk to some people with UN connections to drop the case against him about child labor usage in Malaysia but if it means that we get what we want from Brexit and this new legislation..."

"Morgause!"

The blonde haired woman looked at her surprised. Morgana was fuming. The borders of ethical standards and legal activity was breaking under Morgause's watch. There was also the fact that she had a date in twenty minutes and she didn't want her boss interfering with her life more than what she allowed her. Morgause looked at Mordred who was in a fighting stance against her.

"When did you get a cat?" Morgause asked.

"Bout a month and a half ago," Morgana said coldly. "But you've just asked me about documentation not my life."

"Again, I'm really sorry about that Morgana."

"I will see you at the office on Monday since I have a date in a moment."

"Oh? Morgana Pendragon bothering to date a man? When will you come to realize that men will never think of you as anything more than a pretty face and a pretty body? Have you somehow been spellbound to believe that he actually respects your pretty brain? I am the only one that will ever respect you as a person!"

"He does, Morgause! He's the most noble man I've ever met since my brother!"

The candle that had innocently been giving the scent of black cherry erupted into a large flame. Morgana knew that she had somehow caused it and fell into Morgause's arm's in distress. She heard Morgause whisper something but she was shaking too violently to understand. The flame went back to it's small shape.

"Morgana?" a new voice said.

Morgana pulled away from Morgause and saw Merlin standing in the doorway of her flat. Of course, Morgause's theatrics had distracted her from getting her door again. He held Mordred in his arms.

"I'm sorry if my ambition's and desires to give you a better life have hurt you in any way," Morgause told her.

"I appreciate the apology, Morgause," Morgana said coldly.

Morgause started towards the door. She and Merlin shared an intense glare.

"You haven't aged a day," she told him.

"I don't believe we've met," he said frostily.

"Must've reminded me of someone else then."

"I have one of those faces."

She shrugged and walked out, closing the door behind her. Mordred jumped out of his arms and looked at him in what could only be described as spite.

Morgana held onto Merlin tightly. The familiar smell of spearmint and books lingered off of him. He wrapped his arms around her holding her in the embrace.

"That was your boss, Morgause, wasn't it?" he asked.

She nodded into his chest.

"Did she upset you horribly? Should I call off our reservation?" he asked.

She pulled away only just. His blue eyes looked at her in concern.

"No, no we should go," she said.

"Alright," he said.

His hand rested on her back as they walked to the door. He turned to look at Mordred who was sitting by the door with a glare.

"I'll have her home tonight, I promise," he said.

"Mreow," Mordred responded.

"He's a spiteful little thing isn't he?" Merlin asked Morgana as they rounded the stairs.

"He is demanding, isn't he," Morgana laughed.

She wasn't sure why or how he drove a Lexus since he seemed to be so... reserved in other aspects she would've expected something vintage. Not quite a buggy but more Bently.

"If I told you that I think I had... magic, would you think that I'm crazy? Or having a psychotic episode?" Morgana asked.

"What makes you say that?" Merlin asked.

"When Morgause came over she just made me so furious for taking low jabs at our... relationship. And I swear the candle I'd had burning turned into this fireball or something the moment I felt myself angry."

"Well... I don't believe you're crazy or having a psychotic episode. I don't really know what else to say but that I'll still be there for you even if you were crazy or having a psychotic episode."

At the moment they had just pulled into the valet of the restaurant and she put her hand through the crook of his arm. A little more sure of herself if she could be. The lighting was dim and the atmosphere reminded her of the pretentious dinner's her father had dragged her and Arthur to years ago.

She swirled the red wine in her hand lightly.

"Is something bothering you?" Merlin asked her.

"I just think I'll leave working for Morgause at the end of the year," she said. "It does hurt to contemplate it since I've always seen her as a sister. Then it'll be coordinating a replacement since I've been the most efficient advisor she's had."

"What will you do after, then?"

"Dunno, run off into the woods and isolate myself from society?"

He gave an awkward laugh.

"Oh, I don't know. I've been a political advisor for so long that... I don't quite know what I'd do with myself after. Morgause has been making me to the bulk of the Brexit reading and there's only one person I could see benefitting from it."

"Who would that be?"

"King Arthur. Having the isles independent again once he comes back makes it easier to reclaim his throne. And the Royal Family isn't fairing well with the public, so if some legendary heir before the Windsor conquest came back the public would eat it up."

"That's an... interesting take. You know if he ever came back, you should be first choice for advisor."

"You flatter me too much."

She looked at her glass, away from him shyly. Her beauty she was no stranger to being complimented to. But to have him compliment her, to suggest she should even be the advisor of a powerful King (if he ever came back) because of her brains, that was a compliment she wasn't always familiar with.

"Well how's work? Anything new with Gwaine?" she asked, putting her bold front back on.

"Work is fine. The professors are already putting in their book orders for the coming semester. And Gwaine... not much has changed with him," Merlin laughed.

She laughed along with him. It made her feel a little sad since the only real friends she thought she had, outside of Arthur and Gwen, were mostly work colleagues. She had had more friends during her boarding school years but any sort of schooling friends tended to end once the graduation ceremony was up. She was personable, she was friendly, but she had never felt more alone until this summer. And she was envious of Merlin's friends. The few he had were worthwhile, and the few she had were empty behind friendly faces.

He took her home and he didn't give much protest when she suggested he come inside. Mordred slinked around his ankles once he was in the door.

"He seems to like me today," Merlin beamed.

"You rescued me from Morgause earlier, he should," Morgana smiled.

"I'm sure she's... well she did seem pretty bad."

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. How could this man, who seemed to have an old soul and seem so lost, still retain the ability to be as warm and funny as he? Her eyes stayed closed as the kiss ended and she rested her head on his chest.

"I want to stay with you, always. If you'll let me," she said softly.

"Is forever long enough?" he responded.

Abruptly she slid out of his arms to his surprise and she grinned.

"Wine? You didn't drink any when we were out," she asked, walking backwards into the kitchen.

"One glass, and that's it Morgana," he said.

"Red? White?"

"Whatever you have."

He stood next to her as she found the wine and he gave her the glasses. She meant to walk to the couch but when she looked over her shoulder the scene seemed to change. She took a sip off of her glass confused. Merlin was still in front of her but he wore a plain brown coat and a red tunic shirt and it looked like the sort of throne room she'd seen in her dreams before. Something felt wrong as the wine slid down her throat; she swore it had been wine. The glass felt more like a sort of canteen pouch as it fell from her hand.

"Merlin," she choked out.

She sank to her knees, clutching her throat.

"Morgana," he said.

He looked remorseful, almost.

"You poisoned me!" she shouted, her voice raspy.

He knelt down in front of her, his hair a little messy, and she was in her flat once more. A strange sort of sobbing choke came from her mouth and she held onto him tightly. She was crying so violently she felt her body shake. He'd adjusted himself to a position where he could cradle her.

"I'm going mad," she cried.

"You're not, Morgana, you're not," he said softly.

"I am. I am, Merlin. And you should leave before I end up hurting you."

"I should, but I won't."

She wanted to rip herself away from him. Maybe hit him until he left the building and never came back. But she could never bring herself to hurt another being. But she couldn't risk hurting him either. If her sanity was leaving her she didn't want him to witness him and loose a girl he thought he'd fallen in love with. Even if she did manage to get rid of him, she knew it wouldn't stop the horrid dreams, or the strange explosions, or the visions. They had never been cold until she met him.

"Why," she said, rubbing away the tears with the heel of her palm. "Why do these... visions seem like they're more than dreams since I met you?"

"I wish I could explain without sounding like a loon," he said.

A scowl dared to cross her face. She slid away from him, holding her legs close to her.

"You mean to tell me you can explain the things that have been happening to me?" she asked coldly.

He looked away from her sadly.

"You mean everything to me Morgana. That is why I cannot bring myself to tell you," he said.

"Just tell me!" she screamed. "Tell me before I think I'm driving myself mental!"

He looked at her appalled. She started crying again. Mordred crawled into her arms and she held onto him. She heard Merlin mutter something before she felt herself lean over and Mordred skipped out of her arms.

/

Her blankets were over her, there was a hint of moonlight that came in from her window behind the curtains. There was also something weighted at the end of her bed. She blinked her eyes and saw Merlin sitting on the foot of the bed with his head in his hands.

"Am I dreaming?" she forced out.

"If you want to be," he said softly.

"Let me get up so I can get out of my clothes."

He got off of the bed and she forced herself to stand up. Her hands reached for the closet handle to grab what would've been her lavender silk robe. It was there. She stripped out of her clothes and put the robe around her. It was too much effort to find actual pajamas. She looked over and saw Merlin looking away from her. She walked over to him and put her arms around him.

"I'm so sorry Morgana," he choked out, he sounded like he was trying to not cry.

"Lay down with me," she muttered.

He walked around the bed and laid ontop of the blankets as she got under them.

"If I'm dreaming, will you tell me?" she asked.

"I shouldn't," he said.

"I'll believe I'm dreaming."

He held onto her hand.

"Once, you were the most beautiful lady of the court, and it was hard to not admire you and your brother. You especially. You trusted me, you wanted to trust me. And one day, me and Arthur came back from a trek and everyone in Camelot was falling asleep. If the spell continued it would become death. And Arthur fell to the spell too. And you, you were the only one awake when we got back and you were so scared. And then I realized you were the anchor for the spell and there was no way to break the spell but for you to die," he said. "I poisoned you with hemlock. And I never told you."

He sounded like he was crying. Morgana scooted closer to him. Even with the moonlight hitting his back she could see the tears falling down his face.

"You never stopped hating me for what I did, but I was trying to protect anyone," he cried.

She wrapped her arm around him and he put his arm around her.

"I gave you to that witch to save your life but you never came back right," he sobbed. "I lost the Morgana I loved. And you had to see that."

Her head buried itself under his chin.

"Forgive me," he said.

"I love you," she said. "I forgive you. I love you."

"You shouldn't Morgana."

"I love you."

He pulled her closer in an embrace, and she felt him stroking her hair.

"I love you so much," he said.

She felt her own tears fall down over the bridge of her nose straight down. He had even tried to save her, with everyone else, and she couldn't let that anger continue to fester against him after his confession. Whatever it was, it was a past life. In this life she had him and he had her and she wasn't about to loose him. Her eyes became heavy again and she heard his ragged breathing even. She let herself rest under his arm.

Morgana felt her hand holding onto something that didn't quite feel like Mordred. She forced her eyes to try to open and saw that Merlin was still sleeping next to her, although on his back but his hand was in hers. The sky was a pink color with sparse hints of lilac tinted clouds. A Saturday. She could afford to not get up this early as she would during the week. She pulled her hand out of his and heard him let out a small groan. Her arm draped itself around his chest as she curled against him. Mordred jumped onto the bed and laid in the angle of her legs. Merlin wrapped his arm around her.

The smell of coffee woke her up again. Mordred was laying on her chest. No wonder she'd felt like she was dying.

"Off," she muttered.

He jumped off of the bed and she made sure her robe was tied around her more securely. She felt herself sway walking out. Merlin turned around noticing her.

"Oh, good, you're up," he said. "I made you a coffee, if you'd like."

"Always," she smiled.

She took the cup from him, and carefully sipped off of it. Just the way he would make it.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Good, really good," she said. "Still think I'm going mental, but I feel better about it."

"You feel better about going mental?"

"Maybe. I think your story last night helped."

"Right, the story."

He looked crestfallen, almost. Her phone beeped.

Arthur:
Dad wants a family dinner tonight, come with me? I can't suffer alone!

She huffed.

"What is it?" Merlin asked her.

"Arthur is just now telling my our dad wants to have dinner with us tonight," she said.

"That's great."

He looked hurt for some reason. So she stepped closer to him and took his hand in hers. The wave of sadness she felt from him overwhelmed her.

"I should go," he said.

"Why," she forced out.

"I have to Morgana."

"No."

"No?"

"Your place is here. Next to me."

Arthur had been allowed to be the perfect child. Her father had always been away on naval expeditions. He had thrown her into boarding school to avoid dealing with her in the aftermath of her mothers death. Morgana had never found herself to be a selfish person. But she knew since the first time she had kissed Merlin that they were meant to be together. That their souls were irrevocably intertwined.

"What would you have me do then, my lady," he said.

"Don't call me a lady," she said.

"Alright... my lady."

"Merlin!"

They arrived at the front of Camelot Estate.

"How far do we have to go?" Merlin bemoaned.

"Just keep driving," Morgana insisted.

Eventually through the trees they came to a large white manor with a fountain in the center of the roundabout.

"Good golly," Merlin said, looking up at the house. "Why don't you live like this? You live like this?"

"Daddy does, I refused to let him pay for anything," Morgana said.

"I feel decidedly underdressed now."

"You look fine. Arthur's gonna look worse."

He helped her out of the car and she allowed herself to admire him for a moment. He'd gone with a dark blue button up and a brown leather bomber jacket with a nice pair of trousers. Approved, definitely. She put her arm in the crook of his and they walked up the cobblestone to the front door. Arthur opened the door looking absolutely disheveled.

"Nike?" Morgana said, raising a brow.

"This is the most expensive thing I own," he said. "It's quality."

"You have much nicer things in your closet."

He opened his mouth to continue the banter before his eyes found Merlin.

"Who's he? Why is he here? Gwen couldn't come, so why did you bring someone?" he asked.

"This is Merlin, Arthur," she said. She remembered Merlin next to her. "Merlin, Arthur. Arthur, Merlin."

"Okay but what is he?" Arthur pressed.

"Might we come in, possibly?" Merlin asked.

Arthur rolled his eyes before stepping to the side letting them in. Morgana dropped her hand into Merlin's.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked her, his voice soft.

"So long as I'm with you," Morgana responded.

They followed Arthur and Morgana looked up at Merlin. If they could always be like this, always be supportive of each other, be together, she was sure that the world would tremble at their power. For now, she didn't care about conquering the world or being powerful. For now, being with him was enough and it was the most wonderful feeling she'd ever had.